sag-in-the-news haiku-version by wuzhenguang




from november 29 2005 to october 28 2011


      stalker talks about
photo law that stops assault.
 (i guess that law's... new? )

      as piracy grows,
 producers start to outsource
  more. (sucks for our guys)

       someone's using
   statistics to predict our
  strike or no strike (...heh)

    okay news piece five
contradicts three, saying jobs
    more bountiful now

    number six says yeah,
well, it's good now, but will be
   bad later... (whatever...)

      tivo still skips ads,
but now they let you find ads,
       like classified rag


        l.a. paranoid
   about films outside l.a.
    takin' way our dough

     art unions demand
drawing of vague lines around
   ads slipped into scripts

    certain child actress'
warning about watch dogging
 comes true.. plot thickens

     producers, it seems,
   and casting directors, all
    hate the handicapped

       verizon, i guess,
   just discovered diversi-
      fication. (..okay..)

        f.c.c. realized
choosing cable stations would
      bankrupt trinity

        another about
it, whats good for us's bad for
      cable freeloaders


     (disclaimer: author
   of these has no opinion
        about politics)

    new execs may have
  used stolen email lists to
   spam their way to top

    now results may be
questioned, like florida, such

     rumors of splitting
  union like gilmore rogers
   (no fear, won't happen)

   sag awards turn down
  network in favor of more
      artistic freedom

     in other news they
  are using brain matter for
       drives and cpus

   (all fun and games till
computer grows an eye, starts
     calling you daddy)


   paul, new york, says al,
   l.a. censors. al denies,
    and nothing happens

       videogames make
  good corporate brainwashing.
   (umm... duh? this is news?)

         videogames try
    to maximize money made
    off brainwashing (...and?)

        people discuss the
    affects of brainwashing on
     children. (it's not good)

          someone realizes
    fat food ads for kids makes
           america obese

          n.b.c. caves in
        to sony-apple-tivo
            evil alliance

        (all-in-all aren't you
  glad you didn't waste your time
       reading full version?)


          e.a. no namers
have swallowed some games before
          soatvo eatsem

      some other no namers
 are changing their name thinking
        that will help them

      some real policitian,
      or used to, or fake, is
       fake again, or real


       studios fight back,
       delaying regulation
          of porn on tv

         f.c.c., they say,
      making noise to justify
       their own existence

      dan glickman (unlike
   macarthur) dares to challenge
        chinese.. (piracy)

       sag brags to the press
      about our efficient new
            electric data

        sprint finally jumps
   on the download bandwagon,
       (several years behind)

           jeep's got a tv
channel on the phone. sound weird?
     axe brand will too, soon.

         a lot of babble
    about whether bubble will
        burst on tv stuff

        whole article 'bout
        felicity's interview.
        this never happens

        some new comedy
   bringing more jobs to mental
       handicapped actors.


        kichaven gets the
thumbs up from the national board
          for exec direct

          cash capote or
     murrow could win award
     did phil peak too soon?

     someone realized slump
      is paranoia (they must
       have read my haikus)

   now that they've sold all
these phone tv stations, they've
       got the chip for it


    new york will freak out
   soon if the subways go on
      strike. ...solidarity!


      morgan freeman is
      the anti-metallica
      of moving pictures

     haiku obscure, makes
 no sense at all - like shooting
       box office in foot


     the script writers for
        reality tv want
       to discuss wages

    (clue: if there are scripts
       it's not reality, you
      have to hire actors )

      talks on rerun funds
soon - how will they measure it?
    nielsen's all-see'n eye?


       big union thinks that
   little union shouldn't stop
     subways. judge agrees.

     new york surviving
  cause it’s all walkable. just
       like superman 2

              nbc voting
          to "decertify" aftra
    ( does this work now?)


          nielsen finally
  says "maybe we should keep an
        eye on tivo now..."

        kim runs aftra now,
      hollywood reporter had
          uneventful chat

       the senate apparently
  has time to make deadlines for
             digital tv


         production workers
         get paid a lot for tv
        (well yippie for them)

       podcast and tech stuff
    could be a discussion point
(wait a sec... "could"? … "could"?!? )

       google wants piece of
     tv flick downloading cash,
         (will they survive...?)


         not funny haikus;
anne frank's movie mom just passed,
            see tv special

        delphi creepy chief
   talks about making deal with
      labor like veiled threat


         crack down on hypo-
          thetical politics -n-
        products in the scripts

            europe finally
        catches up to creating
        the problems we hate

        tricky deals for stars
    getting sweet percentage on
       box office bombs: zilch

       more networks inching
toward cell phones (and blah blah blah


        data flows free these
  days, which has something to do
         with oscars, i guess

         droning bickering
     about how the cellpod cash
         gets divided, see?

           microsoft to use
      early 90s cash crop, those
          ads we all hate so


           little old ladies
       getting offended about
       what kids watch again

          was actress fired
   cause of pregnancy? (they can't
       work that into script?)


   the pres waves finger
   at little old ladies who
     call for "decency"

     (the thing everyone
    agrees is absurd is the
       fining of actors)

      everybody loves
  ambassador shirley tem-
   ple. (....ambassador??)

   statistics show we're
  half as socialist, twice as
    fascist, since carter

   tech bubble seems to
  burst before even being
     blown into being


  i guess they're nervous
or frightened about disney-
        pixar merger

       a union i don't
know, called yatzee i think, is
   having some trouble

        actors politics,
 like something out of team
       america, but real

  soon you can download
  twenty four episodes on
 your cell phone (run, jack!)


     overt right wing fox
     in jealous rage over
       warner-upn fling

         shirley temple to
    receive sags lifetime award
      (can't make interesting)

           slightly higher
percentage spent on ads, they think,
        (...after inflation?)

          cbs makes up
  new word: multiplatform. (not
       a very good word )

      someone says deprived
   sleep is bad for you and some
      one else thinks its news


        one was about the
     president (that's all i have
         to say about that)

       can't get beyond the
    forced shakespearian title.
       it's really that lame.


         remember all this
 talk about a "slump"? well we're
        up nine percent now

        other states luring
    crews away from california
        (as if we're special)

     itunes downloads both
   comedy nets and... whatever
           mtv is now


           disney radio
    didn't make sense anyway.
     good call, mickey mouse!

         tv to make porn even
            more popularer


       is heating up. (for details
         see yesterday's news.)

         celebrities "who?",
"what's-her-name", and "that guy", to
          promote tourism


           actors passively
      discuss obscure bio-terms
            of corporation

        showtime jumps on the
     itunes bandwagon (blah blah
        blah blah blah blah blah)

           f.c.c. approves
   choose your own cable stations,
            (see ya, tbn!)


         in such consuming
brand-name-west, where's line between
        ad plug and realism?

        subconscious ad plugs
      reinforced a great deal by
          anti-ad-plug news

              cbs realized
     itunes making money, hires
         its own cybergeeks


     funding approved for
   putting actors in glass cage
      on way to restroom

      who are unions to
recognize black history month?
    well i'll tell you. see...

        a happy singles
 awareness day! (don't feel too
     left out, you couples)


       that guy we all felt
     bad for got big pay-off,
      doesn’t need our pity

           if tv sets the
 trends, mixed love is in now..
     (..sounds like a party..)

    darth sumner and luke
    oedipus redstone battle
       legal lightsabers


       labor and engines
 break off from union's union??
      (..united we stood..)

      new york film doing
     better, thanks csi and
          nypd blue!


          l.a. artists get
tax breaks, thus catching up with
       ireland. (google it)

      other states wanna
 imitate tax break. (that's good
   news, not bad -- selfish! )

        too convoluted
   to summarize hotel stuff:
         bad situation


       anyone else catch
   the subtle godfather three
      cardinal reference?

         grey's anatomy
     is diverse, is it good? i
      haven't seen one yet

         the yatzee union,
   it turns out, has to do with
     crew - how interesting!

         vid-game cycle:
surveys, programmer, machines,
      cigar-guy gets cash


     not sure how to feel:
  ludlow turning-coat against
      his own corruption.

         sony passes the
buck to some ghostly cameraman
      with fake sag contract


  networks could strike back?
   that's the most ridiculous
     thing i've ever heard.

      let's prohibit some
    vague generalization of
       immoral conduct!

     diverse-placement cops
    upset writers don't invent
       characters for them


      someone thinks actors
   might end up in commercials
        without being paid

       cheryl rhoden might
 have handsome settlement from
    blackmail. we don't know.

      since ludlow pulled the
    nixon, unions seek out new
          rep. sad politics.

      (nurses seeking more
    power can team up with my
         union anytime)


         so it's a big glass
cage.. where will we put our desks?
    sounds like fun but... dude

         talent agents try
   to pull a fast one. (good luck,
       sag is watching you..)

        multiplayer games
    confusing everyone (...with
       the metric system...?)

      will smith typecasted
   as medieval middle-eastern
       thief-hero, again..

      mickey mouse making
    desperate latin housewives
    (oh how much he's grown!)


   sneaky products placed
     via photoshop into
       popular sitcoms

     unions complaining
    abc didn't check with
     them first on ipods

      arnie listens to
   eddie, realizes life out-
      side kaliphonya


      the news imagines
    conspiracy theories on
        sally's exodus

   to raise percentage for
 commercials. ( much?)


    board to become more
  transparent (and i have no
       opinion on this.)

         immitation is
   flattery; cali thanks new
     york for compliment

   crash comes out in lead
breaking back of walk the line.
   (what was crash about?)

          latin tv to
 improve the sets, as well as
     the role of women


  more about crash. it
 won the oscar. i guess i'll
  download the trailer

 guess they don't know it's
  legal to use clips in real

       canada unions
  with cleaner reputations
  get "jumper"s bus'ness


       illinois film biz
   in danger. illionis has
   a film biz? who knew

     if china's war with
       u.s. is limited to
     movies, fine by me

       want diversity
in ads? give cash to diverse
     target consumers


 always thought stage plays'
advantage was humanness...
  now they're podcasting...

    federal government
 enforces minimum age for
    porn. (still no union.)

         latin tv on
the grow, like movies, music,
     and sexy billboards


          yatzee ratifies
three year contract, says don't like
        sag or writers guild


   agents demand cyber-dough
        way ahead o y'all

      nothing new on stealth
ad front, 'cept they think reading's
           better than tv

         sexually harassed
    hollywood wire-tap spies..
          (is this a movie?)


         cybils' ex husband
      turned digital warrior,
        i love that, huzzah.

      consumers keep on
 consuming, down nine percent
     in (who cares) europe

        pirates not just in
        carribean, disloyal
     glowing screen zombies


      new york gov to fight
      copy-cali tax break for
         local producers

        get ready for the
  "go to the movies" campaign
    these guys are desperate

       captain obvious
    say: dvds make movie
        going obsolete


     precedent in works,
    redefining "principal"
      in law before guild

      trying to get feds
    to stop multinational
 corps from outsourcing (..?)

    three million buck fine,
    ten million dollar orgy:
       a speeding ticket.


        deniable press
rumors are.. covert bargaining?
       slim accusation

     some alpha wolf say:
    tv could change.(astute
     observation, gramps)

      cliché not in the
   medium - message is the
     medium. got that?

   (all these shows are on tv,
       is tv not a "product"
that's "placed" in these shows?)


       studios weren't
  paying attention last year,
  now they're all "surprised"

    rather than pay more
 than sixteen years ago, they
     prepare for a strike

          canadians have
     an actors union too? how
     cute! how're they doin'?

     they've gone and done it:
       cbs news itself, now
         an albertson's ad


         corporate demons
     say: tivo hurts us, product
       placement only hope

         ftack taking away
    entertainment jobs from the
           canadians, eh


       cali's tax break that
    new york's resisting, london
      mimicked, and it works

            movies digital,
     so big stars are doing voice
        over surprised?

             4-3 & 4-06

         films downloadable
     (legally) now. they think it
         will save hollywood

      one third of board seats
to be replaced, could change things
      (depends on which third)

        with all this high tech,
old school sounds not replaced (drum
       machines have no soul)


      people are baffled
    by this new technology
        (ads on internet)

    someone explains why
union contracts aren't that great
      for union members

   cell phone spam. wire-less
     corporate infestation.
         little banner ads.

  happy to announce it's new
   cell phone commercials.

       scarry movie four..
  first i-pod.. trailer..? is this
     worth it's own haiku?


  "take the lead" makes clips
       available for djs
        for advertizing

         f.c.c. wants to
not stop newsrags from owning
      tv (…like newscorp?)

      podcasting killed the
  tv star.. brain downloading
    to kill podcasting star?

       walmart is cutting
   corners for profit?? (say it
      ain't so, auntie em)


      ad demons to let
unions chat with them (long as
    there's no discussion )

   yatzee's mean comments
  really hurt wooga's feelings,
         (divided we fall)


      short sighted stockers
 sell shares when disney says it
     will show shows on net

         nationalist rag
     refers to bollywood as
      "threat" to industry

     to flagrantly waste
   money, survey conducted:
      says tivo hurts ads

         another survey
 says on net folks more inclined
         to listen to ads

     en-pee-are's mathis
     attacks subtle racism
          in academy


      latin sag members
 have hard time, latin non sag
        doing very well

      unions starting to
   become passionate about
   product placement thing

        technology and
merging corps have something to
     do with ...retirement?

       blog, pod-cast, rs-
    s ad-dollars.. (uh-oh... all
         out of syllables)

       walt-abc proves
 ads more important to them
    than stock-holders are

     french accept what we
call "stealing" - unions say: "we
       love french cinema"

  cool new york spots aren't
 cool no more cause everyone
   films their movies there

      for some reason they
don't wanna say how much they
        pay big tv names


     lots of old news, no
    ad change, f.c.c. being
       f.c.c., you know

      from stalker film to
iron-on band shirts, hollywood
        is cali's cash cow

         cable begins to
     target under thirty (as
    if that's something new)

        to combat tivo
ads trying to make themselves
   fun, like a strange game

        like a beautiful
mind starring at stats, tax thing
     declared successful


      unions pretend chat
 with ads was productive: deal
      to remain the same

          as technology
improves, laws must change faster
       and faster. creepy.

       two billion on game-
      ads. (to reiterate: deal
       to remain the same )

       wagging fingers shout
   "illegal!" southpark without
    ads. (that's the net, guys.)

          4-17 to 20-06

      takes neither psychic
    nor survey to see web ads
       took off yesteryear

        hollywood happy,
   china too, more beheadings
        to appear friendly

      new word everyone:
     "derm" is the metallica
     cops: whitehat hackers


     uses the old "well i was
       willing to be friends

     till you called us your
  enemies". (listen, boss, you've
      been pocketing cash

       you earn by telling
     us artists to write zima
     in our scripts "or else”

      and you get paid ten
  bens per second when we, the
     artists, wear coke shirts

         you do not get to
  take the moral high ground, we
    can see right through you)


     short-exsighted don't
   know how virus laden their
      computers are from

       downloading all their
   favorite shows off limewire.
      they will learn in time.


          advertiser run
     ad research to delay the
      contract for long time

     in same breath: online
   ads increase forty percent...
     (...where is our union?)


       future so bright with
   residuals from games based
         on old tv shows,

         musical remakes
  on big screen, downloaded to
    cell phones and emailed

      to fish with blue teeth
   (ad placement still lines only
          studio pockets)


       first of all, you don't
need to *hunt* for cows. that's the
      cool thing about them

      second, if you'd work
out some ad placement contracts
       you wouldn't be so

        afraid of google
     video, youtube, tivo;
   evolve. catch up. (dorks.)


         "officially" ad
  spending down; (preparation
        for divvying up)

         to punish us for
  tivo, we'll have to download
      our movies, not rent

  some have said "what's the
  big deal? how many people
       have tivo, really?"

      (but the two that do
 buy far more crap than all the
    ninety eight that don't)


        unions unite to
  congratulate themselves for
        their diversity

         abc catches
   up with comedy central's
       unskippable ads

        more reminders of
 all the product placement cash
       unions don't demand

     general mills will soon
     embrace the socialism
    unions can't quite grasp


    download movies; cut
walmart's profits, they'll have to
     pay employees less..

   - oh wait, that's right, can't
  pay less than five fifteen per
        hour before taxes

       union girls picket
    non-union girls in adult
      theatre... (tickets?)

         writer's viceroy
pulls golden pen from stone and
      becomes king of guild


    now that people are
 more entertained by youtube
    than disney, job loss

      writers guild feeling
 confident and making threats,
        wait til october

   while we wait two years
  for ad contract, six percent
    hike. (they're listening)

       captain obvious
 says hurricane season should
         affect florida

     new york film going
 so well they're waiting for the
      other shoe to drop

     rhode isle capitol's
  mayor, sag member, to get
  cash from show, for state

         adult theatre
  actresses stage walk out for

      (where are the papa-
   razzis??) oh and aftra has
           a new ceo


        north carolina
 jumps on tax incentive band-
         wagon for tv

         digital sanrio,
young girls prime target for new
         media adverts

     mel's err like blaming
     all americans for bush
      (but more sensitive)


      video games based
   on tv shows now, pacman
    the cartoon backwards

        one fifth of adults
   (in this decadent land) skip
        tv and play games

    rupert says "let's sell
  movies on this new fangled
     internet cash cow"

    claire hoffman and chris
gaither think french soap ads are
 what's called "hardcore porn"

   which comes first, the egg
 of hummers with flags.. or the
      chicken of murdock?

          studios to say
     it's okay to copy films
      hoping we'll buy one

   guess they want neilsen
   watching us watch dvds
       (per patriot act)


    now that dinsey has
   no employees, they are
       making a profit

    it seems downloading
      movies to dvd was
     hard for some before

    google and redstone
 team up to go head to head
   with myspace-murdock

          abc live on
  net (catching up with latin
   beauty pageants' tech)


     they're still excited
about streaming flicks for free
    day after broadcast

        if studios don't
profit from on-line broadcast
     neither does talent

     (but the second the
   army sticks an add on it,
    they'd better pay up!)

     overt ad placement
 artists struggle not to seem
    too "commercialized"

     either writers guild
needs translators contract or
   translators need guild


     sitcom-placement in
  the grocery store, the other
       dot in the yin yang

    product placement on
  conveyer belts in stores, no
       royalties to pay

          advertisers rush
to fill void, there's a whole world
       out there, with money

       agents claim to be
   useful, watching ads online
      to get your fair share

     more complaints about
     "accuracy" of nielsen's
        all-seeing ad eye

       here's explanation
  so complex you have to shut
       up and be happy:

       if we chase along-
    side new media, maybe
       we'll find a pattern

     in two years, then be
  more prepared to commit to
  something, mean time we'll

     pretend six percent
  makes up for past and future
        dollar inflation

      and enjoy kickbacks.
  oh and while you're at it, get
   some new chairs in here.


       top model, symbol
      of all reality shows,
      will kneel before zod

        (zod in this case is
  writers guild who won't let up
              on cw)

      writers guild striking
 internet too.. first things first:
         claim "reality"


     murdock's foxy net-
 work goes live, without a net,
       on the internet.

        (and his newpaper
       buddys give publicity
      in the form of "news")

        sixty-five billion
   ad dollars, i'm sure that six
       percent will cover

   admits fraud, embezzling..
      arson ..just kidding

    announces exciting new
    itunes ..uh.. downloads


      unions lay down and
      surrender to vagaries
          till late in '08

        plus a how-to on
  getting the most out of new


      ad placement up one
quarter this year (more next year,
    more next, then contract)

       ads trying too hard
with youtube, planning too much.
        it's clearly failing.

     checkout counter ads
  brainwash you successfully,
  stats show, so.. well done!


      duncan is new hope;
  guild may not go the way of
      the horse and buggy

          todd es nueva
     esperanza; guild adapts
       to growing markets


         as technology
evolves, perhaps more than two
     will handle contracts

           federal cc's
    vast overstepping what it
         was created for

       now taken complete
 for granted, someone needs to
     step in, shut them down

     ad deal solves problems
  like sugar pill cures migraines
        ...maybe placebo?


       for reasons of self-
      preservation i cannot
         haiku interview

        biz-rags divided
          on reality tv
       writers guild issue:

      some realize if there's
     writers it's not "reality",
        others are morons


         ad-payed cell tv
   next year, just in time to be
      year before contract

       morgan freeman to
      be first to surrender to


       apple found the key
        eliminate the tiny
       screen, stream to tv

       sitcoms on net thrill
those still watching packaged crap;
        indy's where it's at

       apple's new "unbox"
    like itunes but for movies,
          and a new nano

            f.c.c. going
      after corporate media
         cross ownership

        finally! something
  useful for them to do! (they're
       low on bribe money)


          abc's packaged
   crap clear to funnel through
        the internet tubes

    stands for news on cellular
        tiny little screens


       senate, impotent
   politically, blows cash on
         "media study"

        f.c.c.'s first and
only worthy pursuit "shelved"
 (bribe money came through)

    writers guild sharpens
  axe for c-dubya, who blows
     millions on those ads


    no news is good news,
or fake news.. newest news is
  google news.. who knew?


      statistics showing
  percents of movie theater
      internet research

     (miss the point using
   percentages not numbers:
      net is new theatre)

     warner music makes
     copyrighted music on
      youtube legal soon

    (embarrassed that they
can't keep track of all those who
       use them anyway)

        barbara boxer
    taking on murdock via
        f.c.c.'s blunder


         actors too lazy
     to mail photo-resumes
       have talent agents

      these days actors are
     realizing that so it's not
        a good profession

    "not" bill-gates launches
 "soapbox" to compete with hit
  "youtube" (search my name)

     (for those confused, bill
     is "no longer involved in
        microsoft" he says)

       grandpa disney has
 discovered itunes.. wants press
        to write about it..

         (its comical how
    press gets so excited when
     a network web-streams

           like a family
applauds and laughs when grandpa
   says something like "dude")

          more on f.c.c.,
    tivo is watching you, and
     writers swap out board


        happy birthday to
  me, steven king, and anne rice
        i think, and reznor

        mobile vision has
      captured imagination
         of all samsara

         nielsen say tv
 watchers on grow (must be look-
        ing outside u.s.)

       new mexico's tax
   incentive almost as good
        as old mexico's

        writers really try
      to take back reality,
         totally surreal


       goldfish say: "sag is
  likely to seek dues increase"
      (like three years ago)

     (hollywood press' turn-
     over too quick to recall
      early two-thousands)

          abc online,
   gets advertisers... (this is
       news? seriously?)

       catchy headline in
      daily variety mocks
      equity chief's death


    sag's life achievement
  award goes to... julie who?
     ohh... mary poppins!

      net ad spending up,
down, all around, you know how
        statistics can be

     boxer blames martin,
 martin blames powell, "study"

      we all see the fruits
    of media cross-owners,
   worse than railroad trusts


        psst.. rumor has it
   i'll stop being so hard on
       the two year delay..

         writers rallying
     fiestily, not friendlily,
        against c-dubya

    now that they can search
for weapons, they wanna search
         for hot dvds...

       is there profiling
involved? are sniffing dogs the
     answer? you decide.

      schwarzenegger still
 gets soft balls from movie rag,
       hollywood reporter

        equity sends a
    suspicious telegram to
         mexico city..


        aftra is now the
 official self-proclaimed voice
        of all performers

   zucker says "let's choose
  to go along with net thing"
      (still in driver’s seat)

          is democracy
  allowed to vote for an end
     to first amendment?


    rules loose on youtube,
     google video, revver...
   revver? …what's revver?

          f.c.c. is on
 the stand (for kowtowing to
      the powerful few)

        economy is
  under attack, been living
  off wartime milk since...

    ...oh wait, it's about
     piracy... economy
  threatened by dumb kids

  ad-bureau decides web is
        not priority


   actors vote anne out,
   mccord in, as always i
     have no opinion

 lame compromise found,
make big five show more indy
    (co-opt everything)


    today fedcom talks
about broadcast spectum (at
   last! their job!) issues

    they're establishing
 bounderies for unlicenced
     video broadcasts

       tv shows on disk
   already higher than last
  year - wait till christmas..


    desperately seeking
 impartial org to crunch net
     ad profit numbers

  sumner redstone eats
youtube, his digestive juice:
         cbs, sony

        warner, univers-
  al trying to make the only
         indy corporate

      (isn't that just the
    opposite of what the f-
        cc said to do?)

      whether retro or
   paranoid, uniformed or
        lazy, video

     profits are up one
percent this year (they say it's
     mostly rural folks)


     stars admit fight to
   keep films un-canadian
       is not a fight of

but of selfishness; sag's vips
 stay the same, and change


     i guess we need a
 union for people who drive
       cars off-camera

  news brief begs question:
    is hollywood reporter
      owned by viacom?

     10-13 through 17-06

     fool compares indie
  to democrats and unions
        to republicans

         ironically, it's
    "reality" that's making
       us watch more tv

 wall street skips murdock's
 agendas - going straight for
what sells... thank... goodness?

           one article says
  l.a. film down, one says up,
        (i say.... nevermind)

     scanning actors has
 grown from eighties fiction to
    two thousand six fact

      redstone lashes out
    from all the persecution
       he's had to endure

      so, does hollywood
embrace change? ...what exactly
     is this "hollywood"?

         at least japanese
     still going to theatre to
    see main stream movies


    new staff chief and dues
  increase to test the current
      pres... how exactly?

       indie defined: not
   from big five's money. so:
           indie 103

        is not "indie" in
 anything but name (that's red-
  stone's game) -…so ya know

        studios get sue-
      happy over internet
       video downloads


      talent, rightly, wants
  cut of pay-per-click ad cents,
     (those pennies add up)

          anglo studios
    are making latin movies
        for latin viewers

         (to equalize the
     economy, reverse this:
    start with better schools)

         aneurisms from
   forcing old rules onto new
       media. poor guys.

       germany adopts
     governator's tax relief
        incentive idea

        history channel
   to make the past a game, a
        new innovation


        if we're not happy
in two thousand eight, then we'll
     invent.. cyber... strike

         nbc knows it's
  better to make stockholders
       happy without an

     arm, leg, ears or eyes,
   than it is to not make the
      stockholders happy

       fedcom struggles to
      reconcile new media
     landscape with payoffs

       hal varian jumps on
 pick on tom cruise bandwagon
       in name of youtube


      you'll find no haikus
     on issues open to vote
       like dues increases

       team player allen
transferred from the field to the

    more on writers strike
that might happen next year if
       abc's still cheap


     rupert sumnermouse
 threatens to hit mute on new
      nielsen's adratings


          uta looking
for youtube stars to take them
     into the mainstream

  someone wants freedom,
someone else wants protection,
      on the internet


     dollar value bombs;
   yank-producers trying to
        rip off canada

       senators propose
  state gives money to actors
   (schools don't really need)


         in yesterday's news,
       alan rosenberg replaced
            melissa gilbert

             canadian actors
     still bent on strike, go for it!
           more work for u.s.!

        hollywood, micro-
      cosm of nation, runs on
    smoke, mirrors, junk bonds...

           vhs proclaimed
     dead - i for one never used
          it - still use beta

       murdock wakes up, says
"huh??" and makes his newscorp shows
            available on

       his myspace (like they
    have been for three full weeks
       on redstone's youtube)

           article explains
      to us morons that ratings
          are about money

            f.c.c. says they
    might think about ownership
    rules (needs more kick-backs)

         locations get tired
 when they've been around the block,
       movies film elsewhere


          canadians vote
     on whether to strike or not
       (well isn't that quaint)

         unions are good.. as
     a concept (writers guild, new
          financial blunders)

         cbs "settles"
letting writers guild "conduct
      bidniss in private"

   writers guild lacks spare
  cash for settling wrongful
     firings out of court

   now they call it "raids" -
  calling servers and saying
  "shut down pirate's site"

       new mexico still
 looks old enough to film old
    west movies and such


       "american girl"
   charging american girls
      with unfair labor

      hollywood to host
  pyramid scam type talk to
      educate congress

      reiner "exits" lots
   of "insinuating quotes"
         in the article

      captain obvious
    announces: tv series
    on disk for christmas

    starbucks selling more
    dvds than blockbuster
    what a sad.. sad world


       bush'll let putin
hang out if they crack down on

      11-22 through 28-06

          sag paying 5k
   to best "love equals" story
       written by a child

          sag pays 50k
   to legal fund to help stop
         canadian films

     murdock trying to lift
bad-word ban (guess he's not so
     bad after all... not!)

     actors must tithe more
to pill-pushers dressed as priests
     who want bigger yachts

       chicago gets it's
  chance to reject the concept
       of talent agents

     france to use famous
   schwarzenegger incentive
        for video games

      british producers
  want tax credit for working
     outside the islands

     sag refused comment
   on writers plans to maybe
       strike, and so do i


      writers guild refuse
      cbs proposal (cause
    diamond was too small)

      massachusetts proud
to finally have one showbiz job
      that pays six figures

      the press just noticed
     a whole lot of amateur
       movies on the web

    time warner announced
   the end of blockbuster and
        possibly wal-mart


    white actors employed
   twice as much, minorities
       could sue studios

    (who would compensate
   for the loss with "randomly
        selected" lay-offs)

     "trident" new name for
   hong kong pirate poker, we
      talkin like... neptune?

      the ten cents movies
   give to second world talent
     goes a long way there...

        study says bloody
    video games may negate
     free will in some teens

       article frames the
     rebuttal as billionaire
        lobbyist prattle


      cesar chavez and
   murdock unite against the
       f.c.c.'s old rules


       backstage overtly
   persuading actors to vote
     yes on dues increase

      how to keep track of
improv being made script without
       taping auditions...?

       actra no longer
demanding things, they just want
     to talk about things

          hfpa claims
   not to be biased based on
  their nations... (yeah, right)

       camcorder pirate
   example gets seven years,
     the real lesson being...

        if you use a fake
   social, then try to escape,
      you get seven years


      sag chummier with
 conglomerunion; makes some
     nervous, some happy

        iatse comes out of
   left field, votes to unionize
       top models crew too

    glickman stands before
  the army of suits, sells them
        on helping us out

      producers guild has
  an award show now? way to
   pat your own backs, guys..

    some whine that the net
  doesn't pay off in big chunks
      like spielberg movies


        iatse fights writers
 for rights to write... (wait isn't
     iatse like… stage crew?)

         unions are nervous
        about figuring out net
           residual rates...

          my advice: resign
     yourself to getting it wrong,
          fix in twenty-ten

             duo arrested
           for pirating dvds
         of some movies like

        "running with scissors"
      hey! i saw that at that bill-
     ionaire's house last month...


          "prepare to prepare
to strike!" "preparing to prepare, sir!"
         (those silly mounties..)

             f.c.c. defends
  their right to censor foul mouths
           saying "if not for

        that, then why do we
     exist?" (to be sure air waves
        aren't monopolized...)

               f.c.c. also
    says cellphones can distribute
       network's garbage too


          belay that - actors
   don't have to pay more just yet
         to priestly pushers

          it's not that the biz
     is ending, just transforming
          drastically and fast

     mel's new flick is out
 (psst... he's not worried about
       offending mayans)


        canadian strike
   looming makes american
    scabs prosper, of course

         british tv still
  so far ahead our headline
 reads: "huh? i'm confused.."


     showbizness slowly
  becoming diverse: 'babel',
   'volver', 'dream girls'...

may have diverse cast... but it's
    mel gibson's vision...

      as the oil runs out,
   dubai invests millions in
     their own movie biz

       unaware of new-
 fangled technologies, group
      "dodona" predicts

      increase in movie-
    going abroad over the
    next three years or so

  pooling resources to make
    movie for download

        f.c.c. condemns
v-chip that dares compete with
   them for thought-control


       mister gorbechave
 (martin) tear down this wall (of
    censorship... and leave)

           the academy
   screenings not as popular as
       bingo at saint anne's

     court rules profane trial
    can be televised... (just not
      in real time, of course)


        l.a. times tells us
 how to shmooze with the sneuty
       and get extra work

         those animated
 short things from whenever are
        coming back again

         broadway popular
      as academy screenings
       (i blame the weather)


        if iatse can't have
   writing, maybe they'll settle
          for just canada

          hollywood's valet
 strike, admit it - you didn't know
         those guys existed

      who settles disputes
  between murdock and chinese
       media? …clinton?

       blu-ray defined: more
dots than there are rods and cones
      in your eye... pointless?


      countries blocking our
   "entertainment" to preserve
     their ways and cultures

           the article, of
course, mourned the extra cash we
        could all be sharing


           hell no, canada
     won't go for free internet
   rights. they know what's up.

      voters say "where's my
  screeners? what will i burn for
     the kids for christmas??"


           antonio says
    don't buy cds from parking
      lots, merry christmas


        as predicted, flick
     downloads have officially
         sunk dvd sales

            cable tv fights
for dear life... those guys should be
       okay... in some form

       some only let their
pure-bred purse dogs watch hi def
     (and sniff pink cocaine)


          as per usual
   janet's nipple distracts us
      from bigger issues

      world split between
   hi-def home theatres and
    low-def youtube proles

          cbs... just pay
    the nipple ticket (but in
     lue of this year's bribe)


   japan makes more than
half what they see in theatres,
      nothing else is new


      canada rethinks
   mass career suicide, and
     "delay" silly strike

       sony google corp
   exec five billion merger,
     ipod, blah blah blah


       canada has the
    guts to say "definitely
   gunna strike next week"


      some pervert gets to
pay thousands for shirt shannon
      died wearing on lost

      the masses almost
figured out how to work their
         dvd burners


       canada, except
where they speak english, in on
  strike now... best wishes


     agents turn to sag
  member-governor for help
   with their "existence"

     canada says they're
   "canary in coalmine" to
       u.s. producers


          tati suarez is
right: let's redistribute wealth
         using statistics

   country has improved:
  plenty acting jobs for kids
     of irish migrants...

     producers strike back:
   try not letting actra keep
    working while on strike

         anything apple
    sticks "i" on as a prefix
      is the next big thing

     former napster guy
   now with "i hate gnutella


  to make bribes to copps
legit, they will take the form
      of "violence fines"

      f.c.c. chairman
    speaks at ces about
     our internet rights

      cbs thinks their
  plan to co-opt the net is
         going a-ok


     judge not by color
of their collars, but whether
    they paid union dues

        an eulogy for
   the made-for-tv movie
   ...but its still breathing

     attaway and mao
zadong launch a "just say no
    to pirates" contest


    it seems no one told
       mpaa forbidden
     things are enticing:

        "this is illegal
  for kids to watch even if
   parents say they can"

     rating in the works
for movies that are not porn
 ...overstep bounds much?

  two-thousand's 'n sync
  album last time a lot of
people "bought" something


      wall street steps closer
     to becoming like ireland's
      goverment (good thing)

      sundance looks at films
   shot with five thousand dollar
        cameras: minimum

          digital music,
bought doubles, brings profits down,
        humbling rockstars


        canada learns hard
 lesson: "strike" means nothing if
      you don't stop working

            f.c.c. trying
       to get advertisers to
     back tiered subscriptions

        in spite of what i've
      read, a lady on the bus
          didn't like borat

     said government should
    do more to stop movies like
       that from being made


           italy first to
   shake off murdock and enter
         new millennium

         china catches up
     with north koreas "indy"
        propoganda scam


      hollywood against
  war (making all who call us
      “babylon” for war)


       turns out alan and
 billy the kid have more than
     one thing in common

     courts will decide if
 actra can strike, or work, or
work while they're on strike...


     members to vote to
 pay more so execs can have
     bigger parachutes

       (and also feebly
   attempt to stay on top of
       changing media)

         ontario court
  "expected" to treat actors
     like subway drivers

         as "reality"
    gets more popular, l.a.
    get more unemployed


      cheerleader lead in
school play once told me drama
     is just like football...

     mirroring changing
    media, fifteen minutes
   fame now eight seconds

    you guys don't need to
     lionize mary poppins;
        she already roars


      awards happening,
 and some reporter complains
        about his tivo


       herding cats, a la
the present and future, through
        co-opting rebels

        evidently our
 congress gave up on changing
    anything worth while

   oscars won't snub dream
  girls like second tier award
  show "the golden globes"


        many pleasantly
surprised sag awards went well,
       and awards heavy

       canadan actors
  and producers both glad a-
       boot arbitration

      ominous signs (like
    italy) point to need for
       5 million new jobs


   fox tries something new,
 "the right and moral thing to
          do" diversity

       optimists with old
    models predict six billion
    increase from web sales

     golden globe defense:
   "dreamgirls about co-opt-
      ing of black culture"

     (a too urban theme for
    golden globe's european
          royalty voters)


         believe it or not,
sag's going to stream actors reels
     with flash, like youtube

         long article says
"think of something reminds you
       of script-emotion"

     well-paid-off senate
     reprimands f.c.c. for,
   you guessed it, bad words


        scorsese's secrets
   of success: have nicholson
       improvise with gun

      actra trying to work
    horse stable futures into
      contract in progress

    two thousand six, good
   year for chicago, if you're
     making commercials


      iatse gains some not-
         oriety by adding
         e! to their causa

         italians increase
new film fund (now that they've cut
           off all possible

          residuals by
     making it legal to down-
      load movies for free)


       writers guild feeling
     confident, "practical but
     tough", expect no strike

        will smith, on behalf
  of globe thing, told congress of
        actors lesser known

       actra strike working
       american producers
          hiring us again

      hollywood suggests
    paying more attention to
    what your own kids watch

      for those confused by
     poorly written l.a. times
        articles, read on:

         connolly leaving
       aftra to lead equity,
        no merger in sight


     download business still
    elusive... bears still doing
     their business in woods

      study shows kids still
  leave their tv on while they're
       stalking on myspace

      feehery's job was
what will smith just did so well,
      then feehery quit


    walter cronkite warns:
"bears… they do their personal
  business… in the woods!"


       the thing is, even
     if you divided all the
      ad bucks among all

     talent behind what's
 on youtube, still not as much
      as they're used to

    murdocks men behind
   redstone's, as usual, my-
   space soon to purge vids


  for those who thought i
 was making up sag-youtube
  thing, check sag dot org

     they didn't say why
    the arthurian gesture;
      presidents' table

        f.c.c. has set
    media hearing (hearing
      but not listening)

     he who owns google
(redstone) decides what is and
        is not popular


      allen, not to be
 confused with alan, upset
    with aftra for stuff

       f.c.c. steps in,
     tells cbs (viacom)
    to pay writers more

     actra "cautiously
   optimistic" about new
    approach: surrender


        online video
hard for nielsen; embedded
    videos don't count

       will music ever
     be as lucrative as it
     was long ago? (no)

      producers hang on
to scripts already theirs, just
  in case there's a drought


 dues hike? no. how dare
you even ask. what? really?
   oh.. okay, then.. yes

  glickman's suggests skip
   iran and invade china
      to save hollywood


  task force forms to fight
    piracy; industry lost
     five bil' in oh five

    four point nine billion
  for producers, the rest for
   scribes, hands, and faces

    and in other news,
consumers saved about that
   much buying bootlegs


   actor strike would hurt
     l.a.'s economy (like
  new york's garbage strike)

         actra happy,
 will receive 10 percent raise
    over next three years

plus they've worked out some
   kind of new media deal.
    something like aftra's.

       evidently french
   canadians use the word
   "ecstatic"… who knew?


  writers guild sites first
amendment right to write to
   writers on web site

   more money just went
    into web advertising
     (get pop-up blocker)


  fair use means you can
use the clip if you're making
    a point of your own


   another crime spree
 goes legal and corporate
    like the kennedys


    sag awards around
the corner, eleven months.
  (place your bets today)

 what's not there yet key
  to media future (they
  wrote that one for me)

   networks adjust ad
   time to cater to a.d.
      d generation


     canada lays the
 proverbial glass floor for
   hollywood's contract

      itunes open to
 indie producers (just like
    gnutella has been)


   taxman snubs movie
  biz, which is america's
     only strong asset


  congress, rather than
 stop *actual* violence,
    will encourage it

      by teaming up with
       f.c.c. to make it a
           no-no on tv


   congress does something!
like timberlake, they're bringin'
         socialism back!

   they've finally re-thought
      antagonizing china.
       it's canada's turn


     turns out actra strike
     was a skit by talented
     barrack and waddell


    despite everything
 news said before, box office
       sales up for '06

   (what do you mean? the
news always said we've been at
      war with eurasia)

       experts estimate
       new digital media
  will …uhh… change…. a lot


  they won't come out and
say it, but they're going to put
     chips in all our heads


     instituting big brother
          to fight piracy


       sony pictures will
 will outsource special effects
        to new mexico

      homer simpson says
        all latin america
       will back his union

        advertisers on
   mindcontrol video games:
       a perfect system


    four percent more spent
   on ads, so of course talent
   made more money… not!

          seriously, no
 joke: redstone taking himself
        to federal court


        okay, so is this
 nineteen eighty four or what?
         am i the only

     one who remembers
when redstone bought google? i
    mean... this is creepy…

    so... soon we'll either
 have a president that shoots
        studios in foot

                  or the corruption
                of judges by viacoms
                 dollars will prevail


             things change, and stay the
             same, no more daily haikus,
                 but weekly sonnets

                  if this is your first
               haiku, (hi sascha!) it will
                make sense on friday

              3-19-07 through 3-22-07

        much like the local absentee slumlord
   does redstone's puppets sue themselves for us -
     (since ads pay anyone who gets them eyes);
  dear-abby tells extras not to nag about vouchers,
  time warner and murdock unite to dominate net,
     nielsen sad to see us not watching nielsen,
     gay transgendered caucus goes to new york
    (well i, for one, think "caucus" is a funny word)
    when press says gamers are underestimated,
          the readers can only overestimate;
        and the f.c.c. at last has made it clear,
     that corporate entertainment incest is here

              3-23-07 through 3-27-07

  red chinese raid twelve thousand pirates' homes,
         (still hollywood says to be more severe),
  and when you read the word "deferred" assume
     it says "when snowballs learn to fly, in hell".
      two writers to be paid for shows on the net
              (a symbolic monumental victory)
         two actors playing lawyers improvised
that coke zero gimmick (which explains the billboards)
        cannes got conned into streaming video,
 and to those who say "what, still no objective third
    party research team to study new media ads,
        what are we paying you for!?" i plead...
           october oh-eight is still so far away,
  by then new-landscape will change again anyway

                             3-28-07 through 3-29-07

                the long cold war, we all knew existed, between
                 canadian unions, at last, has peacefully ended;
                  what does jennifer bresnan, at the cw, mean
                  by "who could resist a diverse group of girls?"
                   a sag sponsored "holistic health" workshop
                   will teach you how to get the part (without
                  purging, lypo, or that cyane-pepper-syrup diet)
                 and.. natas freaked out atas by adding myspace
                       as a sponsor (..mytas could care less)
                youngblood accused of lying about his ancestors;
                  sensitive subject: my great grandmother bess
              got knocked up by geronimo, the cat's out of the bag.
             the casting directors will all have one rolodex in june...
                   so, actors, upload your reel to iactor soon!

                             3-30-07 through 4-2-07

      you may recall writers directors and talent complaining that viacom
and it's ilk own their souls and there's no anti-trust action happening (f.c.c.???);
                it was swept aside and now viacom complains about
             actors posting their reels on youtube, i guess, but vaguely
        with the words: "bad actors and good actors who do bad things".
                  but the federal trade commission might get strict
                  about celebrities profiting by lying about products
                  and services without a lot of fine print, assuming,
           of course, those products don't raise their bribe-tithe pronto.
                     and the ripples grow larger from the splash
                    made by janet's jackson's nipple so long ago,
                        and now violence is as naughty as sex.

                           4-3-07 (totally not a sonnet)

        google, who's knowledge of what you *think* about surpasses
          that of any government, announces it's new tv ad campaign,
                they hope to use their mastery over the audience
      to raise twenty three billion pronto, just incase they loose the case
              with their less-than-half-parent-corporation, viacom.
           and there are some who say producers who are also agents
          who pay themselves for their services of representing actors
                       is a little bit of a conflict of interest.

                    4-4-07 thorugh 4-5-07

       if you're the sort that likes to be sold on land,
   then jo cruz' "speed dating" shindig is just the thing.
           albuquerque bids us greetings and sand,
with signs at the airport saying "hollywood's newest home"
        with youtube being beaten to death in court,
   many other "illegal" broadcasters step up to the plate
        twinkle twinkle, little stars' parents complain
       kids' med and dental don't cover them as well,
         brittany curran says sag people never forget
   your birthday (happy birthday booker t washington!)
   the recent financial meltdown of china which spread
 worldwide now a distant memory (wait... when was this?)
 and the new media column is filled through and through
   with a lot of percents and statistics, but nothing new

                   4-6-07 through 4-10-07

        good news for a-moral unemployed teenagers:
        grocery strike looming; hello again, trader joe's,
               this just in: those in west hollywood
                are now referred to as "wehoans".
                   south park is the first tv show
              to go hi def and make cable obsolete,
        (just like howard stern made the radio obsolete)
 aftra had a veil on their candidates, then took it off of them
     the big union conglomerate (awful-seeoh) takes aim
        at verizon's head, (but can they hear him now?)
sag is thinking about maybe having a rule about agents again,
        some random theater owner is afraid of digital,
          and finally: even talk of strike in hollywood
   could bring chaos, looting, and riots, to british columbia

        4-11-07 through 4-12-07 (totally not a sonnet)

           actors put their own material on the web,
         get more hits from casting directors eyeballs.
         trying to make commercials more appealing,
        by having mckee disciples analyze every frame.
     (some people put forth that that's a waste of money)
     columnist, cieply, likes writers guild president' wife,
   tacoma library gets press with star power: pamela reed,
       unions have agreed not to send employees to fill
    the positions of striking grocery store workers... again,
 tv-to-video profits not making meryl lynch investors happy,

       (since they only get many thousands more than any of the talent.)
      ten year old, kessler, wins award for "where the palm trees grow"
    columnist, longwell, thinks his readers don't know the capital of latvia,
and the sonnetist has aneurism trying to make tax incentives seem interesting.

                           4-13-07 through 4-18-07

                   some idiot asks f.c.c.'s copps to comment
            on tv violence's connection with monday's shootings,
                 a-o-hell becomes a-o-we're-a-tv-station-too,
                     well... of course nbc would call piracy
               "the most significant threat to global economy",
                 (just like prada would say it's pirated shoes),
              google and yahoo "battling" to be the first to fully
              control unconscious mouse-click free-association,
         charles gary uses racial slur for headline about asian actors,
               aftra bragging about being on top of new media,
                   mobile-tv hot in europe, (since it's so much
                     easier to watch while riding a bicycle)
                   and qoob is "television turned inside out"
                  (which explains why you've never heard of it)

                           4-19-07 through 4-20-07

         judge margaret morrow hates unions and foreign residuals.
                      the five studio heads propose to stop
                       a strike preemptively by hiring out
                  an objective third party to do all the math.
                     it could, in theory, work about as well
                    as it has for interactive media, and iraq.
              since the little unions have left awful-cio mommy,
             they can't seem to agree on how to handle walmart,
                     and whether or not to formally create
                   a second class for illegal migrant workers.
                  article examines the pros and cons of arabs
               playing terrorist roles in popular sitcoms (on fox)
          alec baldwin verbally abuses his twelve year old daughter,
           and dachshunds are the latest thing. i don't know why.


                              this just in: edward
                          is bringin' haikus back, by
                               popular demand

      sag buddying up
 with writers; directors are
     still loners. rebels.

     "professionals do
not work non-union" (except
    when they go fi-core)

      valenti passes
   on after a lifetime of
 wonderful things (...who?)

       f.c.c. says kids
 see too much of a certain
       je ne sais crois


"back stage" sites "roots" to
  defend nudity and rape
        on television

     soap opera actress
  now president of writers
    guild. think about it.

     (a few hours later)

      aha! reardon is
 now aftra pres, not writers.
that makes much more sense


    aftra postponed it's
   negotiations till when
    the writers are done

 "back stage" tries to help
 four talent agents defend
    their right to exist

  so.. have fun.. go dance
around a may pole.. or start
        a revolution..


        writers guild insists
    it was "about to give y'all
        that pile of money"

     we're (not) holding our
 breath waiting for writers strike
      (against their union?)

         arrrr.. piracy is
    now a five grand penalty
    in new york state, arrr..

         5-3-07 to 9-3-07



            dear ftac,
     clue: canada is its own
        country with its -

   - own laws. therefore, yes,
    it is legal for them to give
      producers some perks

     parents who signed those
sick wavers may have waved their
        right to be parents


       (not) surprisingly,
      hollywood's political
      "investments" go to

          often opposite
  sides of the fence. think bono
      and, like, mel gibson

    press wakes up and says
 "oh gee, look what we did, we
      gave kid nation this

          free publicity,
 now their ratings are through the
      roof, oh what karmic

    must we suffer for our part
     in this tastelessness?"


         the committee for
       convincing canadians
     they should give jobs back

             to americans
(or "tcfcctsgjbta") predicts success...
         over next few years

        the holly (wood) and
   the apple, when they are both
      full grown... have issues


           f.c.c. to turn
      innocent hive-mind into
      some twisted borg thing

        apple to cut down-
    load fee in half, less money
           for studios to

        argue with unions
     about, but the consumers
         will be happier


     looks like they're angling
   for our government to charge
        some kind of fee to

        compensate for the
      perks canada's offering..
        i dunno, could work

       broadband internet
        interfering with tv
      signals. kinda funny.


       polanski pulls out
  of pompeii cause he's afraid
       of possible strikes

   (which is good cause we
 don't need someone so fearful
      directing something

         so archetypal
   and heroic... what's quentin
    been doing these days?)


    sag may have to change
     constitution to allow
      for new bloc voting

      sag urging supreme
   court to allow members to
       sell image on cans

     moaning and wailing,
   why oh why, polansky, are
       unions so cruel?


       i would lose my job
     if i wrote haikus about
       todays news. sorry.


     sag makes deal on web
series "quarterlife", which seems
        to surprise papers

         evil geniuses
      cbs won't let critics
        view screeners

       (of that horrible
 show we should all boycott this
       wednesday at 8)

       mexico's congress..
    (mexico has a congress?)
     ..nix movie tax breaks


     writers are not feeling
      optimistic, amptp is
     feeling tricky, (though

    i don't know what could
    be trickier than trying to
   pronounce their acronym)


      beaver star sues sag
   for unpaid royaltease, and
    verrone west scribe-pres

         sag condemns kid
 nation, don't forget to boycott
      it tonight at 8 on cbs!


       according to twelve
out of thirteen new briefs, seems
        rosenberg still pres

          dga, like the
    u.s. after england wore
    down germany, moves

     writers guild, england,
    amptp, germany, in this
        analogy. and...

     poland is the fruits
   of internet ad revenue,
    which will be freed...

    ...but may have to be
    soviet communist for
      about forty years...


      awful see-o to
  help aftra lower actors
  minimum wage ...huh??

       writers get ready
 to put pens behind ears and
    cross arms over chests

       ooh! diversity
   awards! can i apply??
   oh..really? ..why not?

    durning gets the "quick
give this man an award before
      it's too late!" award


      f.c.c. wants fake
news to come with a warning:
   "this isn't real news"

        bonus haiku:

   don't waste your money
  "across the universe," the
      worst movie ever-

    -made, signals the end
 of sixties movies. they have
  now been done to death.

    (then dug up, sewn to-
      gether, reanimated
     and then killed again)


          l.a. times just
realized online work is "an issue"
          in hollywood

     writers guild buckles
     under the pressure of
      amptp's tauntings

     gigantic corporation,
   defeats the little guy over
       rights to royalties


      congress babbles at
        f.c.c. about tv,
    product placement stuff

        former employee
   sues sag for wrongful firing
         (i've no opinion)


        malaysian pirates
 steal eighteen billion from film
       producers per year

      "temptation" quality
 entertainment from the same
  folks who brought you "the

    price is right" fired their
   writers for walking out and
       demanding better

       conditions, giving
 the writers guild something to
        be upset about.

       malaysian pirates
 save film consumers eighteen
     billion bucks per year


      writers guild calls for
    strike authorization vote
       (nothing else is new)


     viacom pleads: "please!
      without international

       copyright laws this
   country has no new worth
    at all! just junk bonds!"


        federal court to
   decide whether a wrongful
        firing was racist.

      talent demands new-
 line pay up, to which new-line
      responds, "lord of the

   rings? ..why? did we sign
something for those films that we
       are unaware of?

     ...a hundred thousand
      dollar fine for a half a
      billion dollar film???

        ..not only will we
  pay the ticket! we'll hang our
   heads in shame! hee hee"


       dave brown of vegas
call-back news say: "don't put sag
            eligible on

      resume, put non-
  union." and he's the guru
    of... who is this guy?

    scribes and producers
     discussing seriously
     money and... money

         vod, or "vcr-
   zod", to stop piracy... "i
   wouldn't do that, dave"


    headline "hollywood
 readies for possible strike"
      could be on any

     rag, any month of
  any year, in any context,
      so i'll just skip it.

  scribes and prods tried in
 vain to resolve differences
     with civil discourse.

    news flash: reality
shows, like all the super rich
 have some great lawyers.

       aftra president
    very upset about the
        article in the

 front of the new screen actor
rag - the one that hasn't come
    out yet. so i've heard.


    some say directors
could decide whether or not
   the writers will strike

  broadway may strike, scribes
may strike, actors may strike, could
      shut hollywood down.

         at this rate people
might start reading books! (..oh wait
       forgot about youtube..)


          the godfather of
       iatse says he's feeling
          disrespected by

      the writers guild. says
   ships need to sail in the same
          direction or.. it

     was unclear.. something
    about sleeping with fishes..
      whatever that means.

       congress, rather than
     ending the war, discussing
        their copyright laws


        nothing new, except
    sridhar pappu, it seems, has
           italian in-laws


          seems "residual
   resentment" (or "ectoplasm")
       slowing contract talks

       rift widens between
     sag and aftra (don't worry
        about this, it's been

        fluxing back and forth
     for some seventy some-odd
     years now, means nothing)

      peeved scribes on net-pay
       heats up on net (i.e. my
         site two years ago)

       i can't use the "news
    you can use" so i'll write one
          about skipping it


        read yesterdays news?
good, then you're all caught up. and...


           sag says aftra is
      inept, aftra says sag wants
            to control aftra

          nothing like a good
     fight to bring us closer. next
       comes make-up... merger

      mark in print! a quote:
   "models that surround them are
      changing" ooh! nasty!


          sag to receive star
       from hollywood historic
      trust. (oh neat. the who?)

        aftra warns sag with
      emotionally charged buzz
     words. what's the big deal?

          writers start talking
      again monday. or, writing.
       or... wait... i'm confused.


     twelve articles with
one point: the writers guild may
        actually strike

    mainstream hollywood
      gaining popularity
     in foreign countries

      behind seats sideways
in pickup.. could someone please
     come walk on my back?


     nothing new, sag and
    aftra are in it for blood,
     writers gunna strike...

        oh, the federal
   government said no to the
      unions' request to

       "investigate the
     legality" of canada's
     producers incentives

      (...i hate when i have
  to force these things into the
      five-seven-five mold)


     actra says "whew! we
     were actually worried
        that the u.s. had

     the right to come tell
 us who we can and can't give
   perks on our own soil..."

       u.s. heads global
      agreement... scary?


       the folks who give us
   the news are all on the street
       watching the sag star

         so, for all intents
     and purposes, there is no
       news since yesterday


         aftra buddies up
    with the mob (iaste) ..we'll
        see if sag gives in..

        sag offers guidelines
   in case of writers strike (step
      one: please stop calling

        sag and asking what
       to do in case of writers
     strike.. step two:) keep on

       working, audition,
when you have spare time, feel free
      to picket with them.

     "bad vibes" may be to
  blame for lack of writers deal,
      and the aftra thing.

         if we'd all just sit
  and breath once in a while, this
    town would work just fine.


         sag is into scribe
   strike, directors guild not so
    much, i just don't know...

     "if scribe strike lasts five
   months, could be very painful
        for the consumers"

      oh who do they think
we are? that's grotesque.. "it's too
   awful.. where's my soma?"


      writers guild may not
  go on strike tomorrow.. (may
       be later next week)

        increase in writers
      applying for day jobs as
       burger king fry cooks

       networks figure they
 can run news shows during strike
(cause.. those aren't.. scripted.....?)


          with all of fox's
      reality shows, it would
        hardly notice strike

       a "scantily clad"
 "media whore" made waves at
        f.c.c. meeting


         radiation drives
   the writers to strike, and not
        pollinate flowers -

       then the aphids die,
   then the ants, then all life on
      earth: starting monday

           (3 hours later)

     my pre-emptive strike
 announcement, turns out it was
       prophetic... as of

         one fifty pm
   today, the strike is set for
      monday november

     fifth. so scribes put up
your feathers, sit back and watch
            reality tv...


         notice to actors
with time to protest with scribes
      in front of big four...

         cbs' main gate,
    fox' on motor avenue...
     paramount windsor -

          gate, universal
 at red-line's end. starts today,
       nine am, have fun

     mark says dont forget
     culver studios gate 3
     (from his blackberry)

       other than the ten
    articles about the strike
     there is no new news


      isn't stopping work
    enough without the silly
    marches with the signs?

        so jay leno was
     on tv speaking for the
     writers, which is odd

        studios relieved:
 they could skip the expensive
      pilot season, thanks

   to this strike... they save
   money, not having to pay
      actors, writers, and

       it's okay because
  the other networks are not
    competing with them...


       everyone's talking
 like the writers’ strike will go
        on and on and on

       i, for one, miss jon
 stewart and stephen colbert.
aren't there some smart scabs?


    schwartzeneggar seeks
    to end unionized labor-
    err.. i mean the strike..

     david young proclaims:
  "strike day five is a success..
     we are not working!!"

       collins and munoz
say that steward would say "well
  played sir" (which, of course

       he can't on account
  of the strike) in reference to
        fox being happy.

          tv producer
 norman lear flatters murdock
    calling him "pharoah"


       directors ponder
  what they'll say, equity goes
       back to the table

         the mob (iatse)
     accuses writers guild of
      being "strike happy"

     if strike succeeds, pick-
    up line "i'm a writer" may
        become impressive


      picket line outside
   warner brothers giggling...
       eating m&ms...


          major studios
  sit and watch the money they
       save pile up... twenty

      million per day... day
   seventeen that's thirty four
     million... they hurtin...


       scribes and studios
to meet, discuss terms, high noon,
   someplace called "the spot"


       talking continues,
   john edwards pontificates,
      picket lines playing


           cbs cancels
     democracy on account
      of the writers strike

        economists show
    producers save enough to
    buy more christmas gifts

      for the poor, many
of whom are out of work scribes,
      therefore it's okay.


   wednesdays rumor turned
out to be false; dan brown strikes
       again, so to speak...


          when actors ad lib,
is that "writing"? so they're scabs?
        ..why is the sky blue?


       writers proposing
  payment based on viewership
    (concept!) we shall see...

     "what's entertainment
  worth?" whatever the adverts
      pay for your eyeballs


      producers: "we don't
  really need writers." writers:
     "we all have day jobs"

         lounging about in
  talks, eating grapes, no longer
        playing "i hate you"


     sag foundation (a
   separate corporation)
    supports sag in it's

     supporting of the
writers, who are close to an
   agreement with hens


  sag to host foreclosed
 upon movies auction (not
    a joke) on tuesday

   some reporter thinks
the strike will be over soon.
      not falling for it

      media loves the
    strike in l.a., media
    in new york ignores


    it keeps going, and
 going, and going, and go-
   ing, and going, and...


     the only award
show granted a waiver, to
  survive the storm like

 the bubba-gump shrimp
 boat after the hurricane:
   the sag awards (yay!)


       it's been a long long
long time since there's been any-
      thing new in the news


      strike gags the award
   season, due to the season's
        touchy gag reflex


           in solidari-
 tea with the strike, haikus will
       be put on hold till

     there's something, any
 thing, else in the news besides
     "no progress on strike"


        no writers for the
  oscars so words flow without
          direction into

      cameras who then
knows what said will be as thence
       conundrum plexi

     fit cow martian dance
    can can can u do the can
         can i think i can


    some news: writers are
   going fi-core, now that jay
      has broken scab ice


           axium payroll
    closes all it's doors like it's
       nineteen twenty nine


     the fool sayeth: "let's
 make this more complex, then it
         will be easier"


       sag awards could, if
     they weren't on tnt, out-
        shine other awards

       directors guild talk
   about getting more intense.
     sounds pretty intense.

         rumor has it, sag
     has an internal dispute...
        but i don't buy it...

          axium's caput.
(someone's just bought themselves a
          tropical island)


        jay "the scab" leno
 tops this weeks ratings race, but
         weinstein and ua

       lead the way toward
    forcing the big five to sign,
       by making own deals


     sag and aftra may
become two distinct corporate
    entities, some say...

         rumor has it, the
 directors guild may... put on...
   skirts... and go on strike...?


    the grammys: how did
  they last so long with such a
     stupid.. stupid name?

           studios being
all: "you can't leave me, writers!
      i'm throwing you out!"

        directors making
     progress in new media
    talks... i guess what they

      have in mind is shows
  in the future with blocking..
      but no words or plot..


      two obscure lesser
 unions support the.... why do
  they call them... grammys?

     true to their roles, the
 directors are pointing the way
      for scribes and actors


      writers watching the
   directors, wondering what
       they should to do if

     (sources for this news
include blogs, rumors, "water-
      cooler scuttlebutt")


     directors reach deal
    with studios directors
    reach deal with studi-

      os directors reach
   deal with studios direct-
   ors reach deal with stu-

        dios directors
 reach deal with studios dir-
   ectors reach deal with

         studios direct-
 ors reach deal with studios
      (start again at top)


   sag warns: do not make
     screeners into avi's
     and create torrent

    sure your ip's masked,
  no one will ever know, but
         it's unethical


     grammys will likely
   be okay, and oscars are
      still limping along

      guilds and studios
     agree to an informal
      fireside discussion

     writers demand cash
for writing scripts for so-called
        "reality" shows

      polititians aren't
concerned with entertainment
       industry issues

   (because they know that
  whatever they say, western
    block will vote for blue)


      there's this article
  explaining rule one, but it's
       not exactly news

     the writers will meet
   saturday to discuss terms
       of their surrender

        article happy
  someone arrested and killed
     more chinese pirates


     random guy on train
 even agrees, strike could end
      after this weekend

        insert a carbon
   copy of last weeks new on
     sag-aftra right... here

     oscars getting grouchy


        sag and aftra re-
new their vows, just without the
      "or for poorer" part

      writers strike "all but
 settled", got net, papers think
       cartoons was a loss


     wealthiest actors
   coercing leaders to not
      consider a strike

    why would they care if
  some struggling actors get
 fair deals? (hint: they don't)


     all todays news is
 about the stars rushing the

       (happy day of the
priest that got his head cut off
        by the emperor)


 movement toward counting
 only votes of sag members
    with certain incomes

    sag considers (ouch!
my arm!) early contract talks
      with the studios

     youtube producers
hungry for something that will
  make them more money


      studios made an
 extra two point five billion
    off the writers strike

   dan glickman wants to
 crack down on piracy down
    south (buena suerte)


       directors happy,
  managers happy, some new
     video game... thing


     happy-face wants to
 keep the sad-face from having
    the right to vote... ha!


       how bout a counter-
offer: those who pay dues, vote,
   and those who don't, don't

         alan succinctly
     tells celebrity faction
      "i'll think about it"

       james silva pinches
  self to see if he's dreaming,
     it's so heart warming


        what if we only
 strike against studios owned
   by tom hanks and them?

      maybe all members
 can vote except for those who
    make too much money?

     writers embrace new
 three-year contract, causing it
       to get all wrinkled


 future sag strike slowing down
        production again


    some say sag new york
teams up with hanks and bush to
      castrate bargaining


       sag preemptively
    sets the indie producers
         against studios


         aftra tells sag to
  give in, or else they'll under-
      cut them - ha ha ha!


         iactor (which is
    not apple's version of an
    actor) goes live! wooo!

        indie film channel
  (in time for long interim...?)
       to wed blockbuster


     (*whew*) sag and aftra
to pass the peace pipe... or joint
    - agreement.. s'all good

         aftra makes tv
  deal, and warner brothers is
         on the internet


    redstone and murdock
  wed again, this time they call
      it huna... or hula...


       redstone: finally
someone who *should* be worried
      about the sag strike


        studios (who are
      rightfully terrified at
      the prospect of sag's

       potential staying
   power, still employed by the
        indie producers,

       in conjunction with
     possibly competing with
          the indies in a

     broader sense, with the
  blockbuster deal and all) urge
       early talks with sag


   tom and george don't get
 why not-rich actors want more
     than cd-sale crumbs


  jumps on the "castrate-union"
       bandwagon, sadly


      sag and aftra's soap
    opera makes soap operas
        look like real life


       sag nix's qualified
 voting sighting: "what the hell
    were you thinking?? the

     poor can't vote?? oh bri-
lliant, yeah, freekin' brilliant - it's
          a union people!

     not some overt class-
   based oligarchy! what the
   hell were you thinking?!?"

        (i, for one, shall re-
   refrain from commenting on
         this heated issue)


      guns don't kill moses,
     natural causes does, so
     it seems. we'll miss ya.


        studios just wrote
      a letter to sag stating:
      y'all are gunna strike


     conjoined heads looking
    opposite directions shout:


          joint studio/sag
  statement on first day ends with
        kisses, but no hugs


         dave mcnary gets
  last month's memo about sag's
        interim agreement

      keep teasing us with up-
       dates that say nothing


  committee says: "wait, we're on
   the clock? more week"


           there isn't any


   oooohhh... now we know what
roberta's text message said, and why
       the soap-thing was so

           flimsy: studios
   say: "no way, go on strike, we
         will just use aftra"


       sag blinks, hollywood
   breaths sigh of relief, terms of
         surrender tuesday

        happy cinco! die,
    french! (till they retaliate
      the next day)!


        sag didn't yield, so
     studios talking with her
           sister, aftra

        (can tell studios,
   from experience, that that's
        a bad... bad idea)


   sag says "wait! don't hang
    up!" studios say "aftra's
      on the other line...."

     murdock stresses the
  importance of murdock, and
     why to buy murdock


     no new sag news. far
as world news, russians marching
       parading nukes, oil

         has run out, all in
   all it looks like the world is
      about to end. sweet.


      schwarzenegger's still
 out there, somewhere, grunting
        about incentives

         everyone's asking
"will sag strike?" we say "dunno,"
     "maybe," "prob'ly not..."

     let's spice things up and
      say: "i'm not at liberty
       to say." (hee hee hee)


          as previously
    planned, aftra and studios
        share a cigar, and

          studios, (lovingly
    calling aftra “kid”) welcome
         them to the fam’ly.

           studios invite
   sag to come, grovel, and cry
    “we don’t wanna strike...”


           aftra realizes
    the scam is obvious, starts
       “having issues” with

            studios over
  the net, “may not be quick and
           easy after all”


        aftra discovers
   maybe she and sag aren’t so
        different after

         all, and everyone
grows, learns a great deal, becomes
    better people.... (*tear*)


       murdock told murdock
 chip in murdock heads: buy more
     murdock. murdock wins.

         studios argue
  the following: “pirates are
        already ripping

    actors off.. so what’s
   the difference if we are
     too?” ...seriously


     aftra talks nearing
 end, sag talks to resume on
 wednesday... ...cucumber


    aftra reached a deal
 with the studios... but... we
  don’t know what it is......

            gta4 out
     just in time to clarify
      where the money is


      after sag slept with
    aftra’s boyfriend, iatse
     was all “oh my god”

    and, like, was hanging
     out with the dga and
      aftra, sag was like

     still hanging out with
the writers guild but they were
       like not talking to

      the other group, it’s
 all just so... high school, and
       the negotiations...?


      this just in: second
 hand entertainment news rags
      cutting and pasting

      yesterday’s news, and
    rearranging paragraphs...
   ...making new headlines...


       peter bart wasn’t
     paying attention at all
        a few years ago

         roberta got a
good deal? great! sag will get the
  same and all’s good.... right?


     sags and studs back in
     proverbial negotiation-
          saddle again

        universal fire
  sounds metaphoric, but it’s
       not. alligator.


       “it’s not a waiver”
   we say, a thousand times a
   day, then some schlemiel

          writes an article
  “waivers will keep sag busy.“
 it’s called *research*, people!


         lots of articles
      on negotiations start
       with “rumor has it”


      with the russians on
   one side, the british on the
     other... bad example...

      with the producers
    on one side, aftra on the
         other, general

         fear of industry
shutting down... let’s just say it’s
         getting difficult

      (and today’s the two
       year anniversary of
      the end of the world)


         a lot of people,
writers too, with signs, shouting
     “vote no!” yesterday

       (some protests get a
      lot of media coverage
         but no riot gear)


         convoluted isn’t
 the right word, but it’s the first
    word that comes to mind


       someone calls daily
     variety "entertainment
      industry trade bible"

          jeffrey korchik
 speaks: “our ships must all sail in
       the same direction”

             (no news)


          alan says likely
deal won’t be reached by dead-line,
      dead-line can be pushed

       critics freak out, say
 “does he want a strike?!” missing
    the pushed dead-line part

       rick verrier thinks sag
      new york criticizing sag
          l.a. is “unusual”


           rigermortis set
       in prematurely in the
             tv industry

         alan challenges
     reardon to open debate,
      she says no thank you

        andrew salomon’s
  survey says they’re all cowards
         so let’s just forfit


         aftra’s ballots
  went out today.. will they vote
    no? (“vote no! vote no!”)

   no contract zone starts july;
        anarchy sets in...

      as if every state
was right-to-work and every
   one has gone fi-core


      a call for unity;
 pretending first date, after
      a bitter divorce

    what people don’t get
 is sag tried everything else
     and it didn’t work... we came back in
 time to try this... just like in
       butterfly effect...

     king redstone might
  break up with his favorite
   concubine: dreamworks


    "strike watch" is sorry
    for not taking it's very
        significant role

      more seriously,
  and promises to be more
      sensitive to the

    feelings of all those
who's livelihoods are at stake.
      (but i'm not sorry)


     tom hanks, producer,
  sides with aftra: revealing
      producers’ alliance

                           with aftra against
                     actors, and against unionized
                            labor in general


                          two plus two is three,
                      or two plus two is five? you
                         decide. rock the vote.

                           tom hanks?? ahaha
                          hahahahahaha! ...we
                            got jack nicholson


                           clooney tries to fix
                         sag-aftra divide, like so
                             many stray cats

                     *special bonus mad-lib haiku*

            (4 syllable witty adjective) (1 syllable proper now)
(2 syllable adverb) (3 syllable imperative verb) (2 syllable direct object).
                  ...(5 syllable ironically applicable cliché)


                          today sag reads and
                        rereads the offer, pretty
                          much what aftra got

                               no residuals
                        on made for new media.
                          so.. i'm thinkin' no..


                          nothing new, far as
                     sag goes, but those thesbians
                            got it goin’ on!


       say joe-bob hires
you, a hundred bucks deferred,
     for his youtube page

     you’re brilliant, and it
    gets a million hits a day,
      joe-bob becomes a

    youtube “partner”, rakes
  in cash, gives you a hundred
     bucks, are you happy?



       sean penn tells
   people who have already
      voted to vote no

      armin shimerman’s
eighth grade thesis paper makes
       it into newspapers


        aftra voted yes.
 time for sag to discuss terms
       of our surrender.


        producers offer
  ten million (one hundred per
     actor?) wage increase

         over previous
   deal, sag insists on better
      deal than given to

        the american
    federation of weather-
   men and gameshow hosts


     producers made new
  offer, old plus ten, sag said
     “we’ll think about it.”

   “that’s just what mommy
said when she really meant no!”
    producers seemed to say

       so they went to the
press and shouted “sag said no!”
       in an echo chamber


      schwarzenegger and
      villaraigosa wonder
       why debating sides

    haven't asked them to
   be impartial arbitrators..
      (or why we haven't

    asked tom hanks.. or bob
   taft or fred hartley.. or joe
       mccarthy.. or bush)


         an unofficial
 meeting between sag and the
       producers today

         the mediator
between the head and the hands
    must be the heart (fritz)


   now hear this! ..secret
  meeting yesterday was two
   hours long.. and secret

         dave mcnary of
 self-proclaimed “entertainment
          industry bible”

           daily variety,
called this “several hours”. not a
      big deal, just not true

       (i could go off on
    dave mcnary’s spins for a
      while, but i’ll resist)


      more of these people,
   card carrying sag members,
      but producers, speak

        out, failing to point
   out to their public that their
    income comes from both

       sides of the table,
    using their star power to
        undermine alan


      heath ledger really
   was as good as they say he
    was, you should see it


      labor still has power
  in hollywood. most notably,
      in the word: “labor”.

     it strikes a chord, you
know? people think hoffa... marx.
    that’s about it, though


              they’re actually
             making a movie
             out of “the sims”


              i’ve no opinion
    on this: “the poor can’t vote” guy
              challenges alan


             hollywood is on
       location working with kurds
              in iraq to grow

          their own movie scene
         (appropriate considering
       they both worship peacocks)


          britain does not wish
          to be “contaminated”
          by product placement

            saying would erode
“viewers’ trust” ... “viewers’ trust?” ..what
             is this, the fifties?

             sag circles wagons,
      rifles drawn, demands banner-
              ad compensation

          the standstill has been
           broken (literally, not


   warring factions are
  united against current
    offer, unopposed

      except by aftra,
  sag new york, variety’s
    dave mcnary, tom

   hanks, kevin spacey,
 and other producers who
   also have sag cards.

     in other news, sag
asks aftra “so... wanna joint
      negotiate ads?”


   president short steps
 down, loeb up, in chicago
     mob actors union

     maybe everyone
 will stop babbling about
 twenty-twelve now that

    they are making a
 movie about it: it’s main-
   stream, get over it


     sag celebrates it’s
   platinum anniversary
   in nosebleed section

     in olympics news:
    he kexin turns 16 (if
    you use venus years)


        maybe if sag and
    studios gang up on click-
        star and verizon

   then we’d all see some
 money, and not fear the death
     of the silver screen


locked, sag new york complaining,
       same as it ever was


 strength makes clear: “we don’t
  want to take away your vote.
       well, not anymore.”


        dga claims weak
     new media contract is
      their way of “letting

       new media grow”
  and that demanding a share
     would hinder artists’

(and without their weak contract,
    youtube would just die.)


    there’s something about
    canada, and the emmy’s
         including cable


        david mcnary
   refuses to acknowledge
      that sag’s refusal

   would raise the bar for
the other guilds and all would
       benefit, instead

      he sticks to daily
   variety’s stance beside
  hanks.. aftra.. new york..


    linkedin (that social
 networking site. no, no, not
    myspace.. the other

   one... no, not facebook..
   not friendster... not, irc
   you’re way off.. twitter?

      no.. not plaxo.. no..
 not vkontakte... yeah... yeah
   linkedin. that one.) so..

     anyway... linkedin
struggles to remain relevant.
   so... why is this news?


     candace lombardi
   writes objective article
  based on research, wow!

      (mcnary, be sure
    not to emulate her, or
     variety will fire you)


       sag and aftra have
   extended their ad contract,
      sorkin’s on facebook

        (and the haiku news
       synopsizer had coffee
         explode in kitchen)


          european film
  sales suffering (..but i thought
          european films

        were all these artsy
black-and-white films the unwashed
       masses just don’t get

       and who’s value’s not
     in income, or ratings, but
          in the quiet nod

           of nyu grad
   students with long cigarette
   holders and ripped jeans...?)


        in a way, blasting
     sag’s negotiating tactic,
           is, in itself, a

    tactic. sag says, your “final
        offer” is still lame!


      writers guild endorse
 sag’s actions. that, plus poland,
       would be two allies

        abu dhabi shares
    some if it’s giant piles of
      cash with hollywood


      in two years online
viewing doubles – for those who
        feel new media

     is not worth fighting
    for, allow me to do the
     math for you... 2, 4,

           8, 16, 32,
    64, 128, 268, 512, 1024
     2048, 4096, 8192....


        sag promises to
     keep confidential info
     confidential. ..why?

        the internet and
     video games are just a
       passing fad, actors

      so just take the deal
they’re offering, then tom hanks
       will love you again


     the world has ended.
       lonelygirl15 is on
       hbo next month.

      social networking
   and multi-player gaming
       fusing together

   man plays for three days,
 drops dead. be careful, this is
    getting more common.


         captain obvious
  say: aftra getting more work
       on account of scare


     no news. *but* on this
 very day... seven years back...
     meghan turned sixteen


        even batman can’t
   stop paranoid stockholders
     from selling their shares


    ken osmond, you may
 remember from “dead women
       in lingerie” has

        been suing sag for
  “pulling a writers guild” (that
         is, forgetting to

      give out to members
   the giant pile of cash from
        foreign royalties)

       in other news, sag
  claims to be talking with the
      producers, while the

     producers claim “um..
what? no, we haven’t heard from
     sag in a while,” which

     leaves some wondering,
  “who are these people who look
       just like producers?!”


         out of the murky
    paranoid seas of prime-time
        series delays comes

         one statistic that’s
      kinda neat, if taken out
      of context: primetime

      product placement is
   down fifteen percent this year.
       isn’t that neat? yay!


        sag and aftra both
    support actra’s standing up
          to ad industry



        ninety percent of
members polled support sag’s stance:
      holding out for more.


        ninety percent of
members polled support sag’s stance:
     holding out for more?


        power shifts from first
  to strength, white flag should fly
           relatively soon


          hostile takeover
  of writers board, backed by tom
   “conflict of interest” hanks...

   oh, wait... mixed that up...
  writers guild has nice, pleasant
       elections. all’s well.


        “stalemate” isn’t the
right word... more like, neither side
        can see a good move

       so they both just keep
  staring... forgetting who’s turn
            it is... forever


         not much potential
        for aftra to undercut
         sag in commercials

       so, no need to stage
     some dramatic clash over
       made-up non-issue

           so, aftra and sag
      will joint negotiating the
       commercials contract


       actra may strike soon,
       if so, aftra will be like
    forrest gump’s shrimp boat

       good time to buy stock
    in newman’s salad dressing,
          but sell by friday


      let’s talk about this,
     we want some residuals
         for new media

        the offer we made
  in june remains, there will be
         no new revisions

      let’s talk about this,
     we want some residuals
         for new media

        the offer we made
  in june remains, there will be
         no new revisions



        in the wake of the
   yesterday’s skipping record,
       sag will meet today

       to vote on whether
    or not to vote on whether
    or not they should strike..

      meanwhile, bollywood
just went on strike ...skipping the
      vote to vote to strike?!


      sag votes yes to vote
     yes or no on whether or
       not to strike to end

intransigence. whoa! check out
      that word! google it!

       sag will honor james
 earl jones. i’ll throw in my two
cents: ...and now, your highness

      we will discuss the
    location of your hidden
    rebel base. good stuff.


       added producers
  incentive with bailout.. now
   how much would you pay?


      prodigal dreamworks,
 his share spent on booze, runs
       home to paramount

        mcnary catches
up with last week’s news about
       sag aftra and ads


         equity sag and
     aftra, together in red
       herring harmony


         this adorable
      anonymous industry
     veteran’s quote: “they

       can’t even agree
 what they’re fighting over or
   if they’re still fighting”

      reveals: not enough
      television coverage
      of sag contract news


states: “there’s a drought. so why are
          you all so thirsty?”

      membership states: “did
       you seriously just say
      that? are you stupid?”

     strength states: “actually
   that’s a very good point.. why
         are we so thirsty?”


           sag will educate
     members as to why to vote
      to strike, then poll them

        to see if they would
    vote to strike if asked to vote
         to strike. then, if it

       turns out they’d vote to
  strike if asked to, then they’ll be
        asked to vote to strike.

       like product placement
      in the news, dave mcnary
          writes this article:

        hollywood dot com,
   president, hollywood dot com,
        hollywood dot com.

       now we all know there’s
  a site called hollywood dot com.
         thanks dave mcnary!


        this just in! sag may
    or may not go on strike soon!
     glad that’s all cleared up...


       more on unions’s
   coming together, right now,
         over disabled.

     adver-tarticle: google’s
        “poptub” videos


      rupert murdock says:
    i’m a humble newspaper
  guy. please don’t strike, sag.

         tv starting to
 slow down: it takes two days to
      download the office


      dave mcnary wants
     to remind us of rupert
     murdock’s wise advise

        oh dave mcnary
   we’d be so lost without you
    please don’t ever change


          sag rearranges
deck chairs on the... queen mary!
        it’s a lovely ship...

      sag will vote.. to have
    objective.. third party to...
   decide.. something.... yeah

     (some perfect blend of
   hanks and nicholson.. like a..
      bosom.. psychopath)


        sag gets honored for
      seventy five years ago’s
      great accomplishments

           sag and studios
      to sit down with federal
        marriage counselor


         michael tells katya
       “if the ukrainian shoe
        fits, just go with it”

            obama to use
          interactive media
         for campain, a first

         mccain responds by
saying “.....he did what?” twitching..
      blinking way too much...


        dave mcnary seems
       happy with the idea of
         gonzalez stepping

           in to mediate
     between studios and sag,
     (which makes me nervous)

       sumner “give em what
   they want” redstone (not to be
        confused with rupert

     “give em right wing brain
  washing” murdock) won’t sell his
           media empire


       captain obvious’
  news for the day: hollywood
    supports gay marriage.

      juan gonzalez, the
   impartial third party, will
       be having a few

    drinks, chatting with the
          amptp, or so
        dave mcnary has

      been told by his and
        amptp’s mutual
      anonymous friends,

         before gonzalez
   sits down with sag and the

       russian production
has slowed (no kidding! when did
       solaris come out...?)


     dave mcnary’s source
 was wrong, gonzalez met with
    sag first. ...or perhaps

       it was one of those
  heisenberg things: we read it
      therefore it changes

      picture: juan gets a
     call, or reads variety,
   says “hmm... that doesn’t

 sound good,” calls sag, meets
   alan... allen... then all was
      a rumor. smart guy.


       some f.c.c. guy
 will be out of a job soon.
       anybody care?

  some guy talked about
 cutting back on frivolous
   spending like netflix

   in short, safe to say,
there is no entertainment
     news at all today


    sony’s profits are
down seventy two percent,
  but rupert murdock’s

   myspace is the place
 kids go to watch videos,
 (and, thanks to old new

       media contract,
all that ad revenue goes to
     to rupert murdock)


    sag to give out un-
  claimed residuals to a
    lot of dead people


     gonzalez was the
 same guy who mediated
   for the writers guild

  oh great! so was that
before or after the strike??
 that’s not comforting...

       obama supports
     more regulation of net
      than mister mccain

    big deal, that just means
   better growth environment
        for hacker pirates

     (when the whole thing is
        disneyland as aol
    the black web shall rise...)

       ironman two starts
 shooting next week and, incase
     you were wondering,

         all of marilyn’s
       unpaid residuals are
        going to bill gates


        australia’s u.s.
money worth more now that their
      money is worthless

    budgets “increase” (sort
   of) then after sales come in
     that’s more money too.

          mediator juan
 goes to sag, sag says “contract’s

         juan goes to a.m.
    p.t.p. who says “contract’s
           our final offer”
       how much we paying
this guy? could have just handed
         him a newspaper


     justice roberts claims:
      issue with the s and f
     words is their meaning

  (then should we ban “sex”
and “feces” as well? how ‘bout
 “poop” and “making love”?)

  whoa! the stocks all just
 went way up today... wish i
   had a time machine...


   well, no news today..
 except no rain today. oh,
     and obama won.

     as for prop 8, let
make socal it’s own state, it’s
       capitol: noho


       election very
    popular: a lot of folks
     watched tv. so, ads

     gave lots of money
    to studios. see it’s all
     connected.. in the

    circle of life... ...hip
bone connected to the... back
   bone... (no news today)


         iatse, famous
    for no longer being all
          about mafia

   carbombings, blackmail,
  and embezzling, resumed


       sag clarifies rule
  one: if you point a camera
     at yourself and say,

        “to be or not to
     be,” you are violating
     membership rule one

       mgm and you-
    tube, sitt’n in a tree, k
           i s s i n...


       movie industry
  conspiring to have nothing
     in the news for me

       to compose even
     remotely interesting


        so there was law-
suit... and... i am certain that
       i have no comment


       former writers guild
staff tracey howze and michelle
         trinh facing fifty

       hours community
 service for stealing seventeen
    thousand from writers

     (facebook says i have
  no mutual friends of friends
      with either of them)


   to resume, with gonzelez
    next week, so they say

         residuals work
  like this: if you made a lot,
      you will make a lot

       lionsgate taking
    over myspace as well as
     youtube.. but making

      a point to say “it’s
not what it looks like” ...doesn’t
  murdock own myspace...?


      the news today is
    about “sag and studios
    meeting on thursday"

same news as last week, on and
        on, like every

       apocalypse, y2k,
    bird flu, here it comes!


    yang, having failed to
     form an evil alliance
   with gates, leaves yahoo

       (and yes: that is the
   closest thing to “sag in the
     news” we have today)


    award winning films
    aren’t necessarily the
     money making films

      (moviemakers do
  the voting, not the people
       going to movies)

   yahoo and gates forge
   evil alliance, throwing
     a red-herring non-

     sequitur: “we’re not
swallowing yahoo whole” but,
 yeah, they’re the same now

       (everyone biting
    off pieces of everyone
    else, like the undead)


      with iatse’s “yeah
  sure whatever where do i
    sign” session finished,

     all eyes turn to sag.
 they’re sitting at the table,
   right now... as i type...

   the writers guild says
  “where’s our new media

        studios say
  “we never agreed on new
     media residuals...”

   writers guild says “you
  did! we had a strike over
   it! you guys gave in...”

      ...anyhow, i have
   the solution to all these
     problems... studios,

           i know you really
  don’t have the money. here’s what
          to do: make better

        movies. don’t give out
       screeners, or trust any of
        your staff with copies.


 update: hours and hours and hours
    of “take the deal...” “no...”

         “you’d better take the
deal...” “no...” “c’mon take the deal..”
  “no...” “please...” “no...” (repeat)


         gonzalez’s magic
  wand malfunctioned, soon sag will
        educate members

             as to why to vote
    to strike, then poll them to see
         if they’ll vote to strike,

         then, if so, they’ll call
    the vote to strike, then, if they
      vote to strike, they’ll strike


               variety says
    that fi-core (shhh! don’t say the
       f-word! ..plug your ears!)

        with the looming strike,
       everyone and their dog is
          calling sag, which is

        great timing since it’s
        a holiday and half the
          staff is out of state

          nellie andreeva
        asks: can television
        take another strike

       edward answers: no.
    absolutely not. just watch,
           every tv will

       be in a dumpster
somewhere, there just aren’t enough
         reality shows

         and reruns to keep
    the great juggernaut afloat.
     ( think i’m kidding?)


         studios say, “gee,
   writers guild, how convenient
        you complain about

          your new media
        residuals not coming
         right in the middle

         of mediations...”
     writers say, “okay, mister
       non-sequitur, where

        the hell are our new
         media residuals??”
       their response, “i got

          yer new media
   residuals right here!” ... “but
  you don’t.... that’s the thing....”


       says federal minimum
        wage too high, given

     recession, we should
  be grateful to get what they
          pay liberian

       children in rubber-
  factories – how else will the
         u.s.a compete?

       (they didn’t really
      say any of that, just
      illustrating a point)


        producer michael
farrell won’t vote for sag strike.
        here we go again.

      okay – all the high
   profile celebrities turned
     producers, but who

    still *technically* have
    sag cards, y’all line up
          and talk on tv

      about how you’re not
  like the rest of those greedy
       actors and how the

    contract you offered
  yourself is just fine for you
      so everyone else

     who wants to be like
you should vote like you. it’s all
        so predictable.


         viacom will lay
    off seven percent of it’s
     work force very soon

       sumner redstone had
     no comment on the issue,
        sighting: “i have six

          gold-plated solid
  platinum toilette seats, i’m *not*
        talking to the press.”


          sag will hold a town
   hall fire-side ol’ country home-
      cookin’... thing... tonight


       four hundred members
       support the strike, just

         one hundred forty
  nine thousand six hundred more
           till majority!


           the earliest the
   strike would become possible:
             late january

          only other piece
of news: some guy named.. lee-no (?)
       is changing time slots

          leno.. where do i
know that name? oh yeah! something
       i wrote a year back...


       sag strike won’t affect
  golden globes. (lost writers strike

   why’d the chicken cross
 the picket-line? his day-job
     paid minimum wage


       if seventy four
 percent or less vote yes, all
    goes back to normal

    and in ten years “i’m
 an actor” will be the worst
      pick-up line ever


     in the future they’ll
   remember the unlucky
    timing, the contract,

      the recession, the
  white flag, the new media
    contract that put sag

       on equal footing
with every shmoe on youtube,
     working for nothing.


   "patch" producer mike
      farrell, reno 911
      producer danny

      devito, "bye bye
  benjamin" producer, rhea
    perlman, "listen up"

       producer jason
 alexander, "wild things are"
     producer tom hanks

  "men who stare at goats"
producer george clooney, and
     "sahara" producer

       matt damon, oppose
     sag strike authorization.
      i have two questions.

         one: is there any
 actor who says "no" who makes
       his money *acting*?

       two: do lions get to
     vote on zebra migration
      strategies?...why not?


    no news. ...oh, murdock
   says he’ll use aftra. happy

        ...national maple
   syrup day... underdog day…
      wright brothers’ day...

        okay, okay, there’s
*one* actress who says “no”, who’s
         not a producer..


        kloymersht televiz's
vertl banitsn aftra…. meshaer zayn
         ibershrekn sag?!?


       all today’s news is
    about the sag awards, and
         a lot of movies

       i’ve never heard of,
      and repetitive echoes
      on this strike business.

        efenen ekshnuskdik
       oser valdmentsh vaybl
         veynerish, oy vey!


        this just in! even
  on days when there is nothing
       at all worthwhile to

       report on, news rags
  keep cranking out words, often
         articles from the

        day or week before
    in a blender, or someone’s


      for those of you who
    were looking forward to all
        this being over...

      surprise! it’s... gunna
   drag out for a while longer...
         ...mid february?


       hollywood rags closed
for christmas… that’s the problem!
        they’re all not jewish!


          ed asner is with
    alan, that’s two presidents
        verses one, ha ha!

      there’s a headline: “say
  ‘cut!’ to sag strike” – with a line
         like that, no wonder

          the author remains
      anonymous. “staff writer”.
        it says here. rubbish.

         and this: “hit the bricks
    in tough times” - are the writers
        on strike or something??

          ahh... dave mcnary...
     let’s see what he has to say...
        hang on while i read it....


          ...ah. just that alan
met with “strength” and then postponed
       the vote. week-old news

           happy holidays
    everyone! let’s hope the world
       doesn’t end next year...


       dumb headlines - take 2,
     the sequel! here... “bracing
       for strike 2, the sequel!”

          (it’s an australian
      newspaper, so... perhaps the
         wit doesn’t translate)


      look around... something’s
     missing... is it the bees? yes...
       movie shoots? ...that too


           sag’s basic cable
      deal expired in december?
        oh... we’ll get to it...

   james earl jones won’t take
sides on strike issue. (smart! ...let
        the rest of us fight

         it out, then ride in
     like the cavalry and take
        over the union! ....?)


       warner takes twenty
   five billion dollar hit. (that’s
        an expensive bowl!)

         dvd sales down...
     is it the recession?? or
          combination of

        hulu, piratebay,
   speedytv, netfilx, movieflix,
     and quicksilverscreen?


      they say the sides are
   getting more “vocal”... but i
    don’t hear megaphones...

        anymore... perhaps
  it’s that the sides are getting
         more “articulate”.

          it’s impossible
  to tell. you really can’t hear
the words through those things.


        good news for any
  strike supporters: nearly two
     thousand oppose strike.

       translation: less than
     one out of every hundred
      members oppose strike.

     among them: tom hanks
and george clooney, (who, were they
       hypnotized, might just

        remember what it
      was like to be a working
        actor, trying to get

       gigs, while supporting
   themselves waitering, hoping
      their boss wouldn’t fire

       them for missing days
    on those rare occasions they
        got some minor role)


       i read the news, and
       i have no opinion or
      comment what-so-ev’

       ...but i look forward
     to seeing another one of
       those shiny golden...

      round things... opening
   outside these high windows...
       they’re just so pretty!


        no gold parachute!
   that is, none needed, no one
      jumping out of planes.

          a lot of people
  stayed up all night, but nothing
     much was accomplished

         (contrary to the
  rumors spread by that guy who
        ran for president)


         reporters, after
  a good night’s sleep, just can’t
      understand what it’s

       like... arguing... for
 sooo many hours... the smoke...
     from chimineys... looks

  vaguely like... bones... mean
 bones... where am i? who am i?
  what is this... strange... place?


    someone... we’ll call “ed
murrow” or, no... yeah. well... any-
      how, mcarthy says...

        no, these aliases
  won’t work. hard to haiku on
     certain things without

        fearing for my job.
    skip that. in other news, it
      looks like sag may put

        the latest contract
       offer to a direct vote
      from the membership.

     (a swiss approach toward
     democracy, as opposed to
        the play-doh model)


        if i see the words:
    “over 2000 sag members –
       including tom hanks

      and george clooney” in
         a mcnary article
          one more time

       i’m going to bite my
   own eyes out. in other news,
          lots of arguing.

   special bonus editorial haiku:

      ...the nice thing about
   back when there was tv, you
     knew what time it was...


       one sag faction puts
    out anti-strike youtube vid,
         someone edits it

         into pro-strike vid,
zefram cochrane blames "members",
           ada says it's not

         true, it's all very
  present-day junior-highschool,
      so at least there's that


         zwecker, chicago
   sun times, dusts off old daily
           variety and

       writes about the doug
       allen thing as if it was
        relevant this week,

       and thinks people will
     be giving each other looks
         at the sag awards.

           sony looses three
    billion dollars. (did’ya check
         your pockets, sony??)


      it’s amazing how
    many articles they can
     write saying nothing


      sag awards, winners
are! eyes won’t focus on
       such trivial things.

      but everyone had
fun. kate winslet has role in a
       nazi outfit soon.


      everyone’s saying
 now that allen’s fired there’ll
   be no strike. we’ll see.

     (what? nothing about
    the half a million dollar
    parachute? ..chicken..)


     nothing new in news
 since yesterday, except that
    facebook can’t handle

      art and deleted
 my account, here is the link
   to my new account…


        sag to return to
      “negotiating table”
         february third

        “so... this is really
 the final offer?” “yes” “
  sure?” “yes” “....positive?”


        the last forty-six
meetings went like this: “yes” “no”
  “yes” “no” “yes” “no” “yes”

        tomorrow, forty-
    seven... janus’ other face
      gets a turn to speak...


      whoa! didn’t see that
     one coming... alan to sue
       sag for firing doug,

      talks with producers
 postponed, a judge could rule as
         early as today.


        no one is immune
     to these economic hard
    times. mickey mouse, for

      instance, so far this
   quarter, has only made ten
       billion dollars! it’s

        so sad! if you do
 the math, that means he can just
        barely afford the

       fifty-five thousand
 pounds of white truffles per day
   that he needs to survive!!!


         hilarious! ‘kay...
     l.a. business journal is
        a day behind, fine

     is full-on talking about
         how sag is going

        back to the table
         with the amptp
     this tuesday, that’s so

     cool! they’re like the kid
 in school who’s staring out the
       window, the teacher

      says “charlie, what did
i just say?” “were you... calling
    role...?” “pay attention!!”


       the la times, the
new york times, huffington post,
          the variety,

   hollywood reporter, back-
     stage, entertainment

           weekly, bbc,
       msnbc, and forbes,
     all say the same thing.

       (“what?” you ask?
     see yesterday’s news.)


      a dead horse by any
other name, would still smell as
    sweet... kill it! again!!

   new team calls themselves
 “back to work” – perhaps it’s a
     ruse and they’re really

      planning to fight for
     new media residuals?
    well, one can still hope...


       if at first you don’t
    succeed, try try again, but
       after thirty tries...?

        well... tom edison
didn’t give up. failed, failed, then
     stole tesla’s lightbulb...

         the moral of the
    story is... there’s really no
     news today. much love,


         sag and studios
to meet next tuesday (now *that*
        sounds familiar)

       with the new (u.s.)
     president, less hassle of
       having to write out

    those lists of “gifts” from
    producers we all get, for
         various reason


        sag and studios
   agree to meet, discuss and
         not negotiate

     in the press. (oh yeah?!
 well they’d darn well better- oh,
      wait i the press?)


         in these difficult
 times, is seems many save their
       pennies, not buying

     gas, or movies, songs...
   toast without jelly, that kind
         of thing, in order

       to save enough to
      buy all kinds of video
   games, and wall themselves

       in seclusion, with
    ramen, generic chips, tap-
        water, and a wii


      rumor has it... (*looks
  both ways*) i’d never spread a
       rumor about that...


     they say “no comment”
but what’s their tone of voice?? ..i,
     for one, do not know...


  last week ended with “the best
          and final offer”

        which included the
     extending of the contract
         to one year after

         all of the other
  unions, and the new sag tops,
       who took over for

        one purpose, that of
    accepting the deal, met, and
         rejected the deal


       dear fox news: you are
       all very happy to have
           peter in charge.



         fox makes italian
      web tv service. (oh yeah,
         i remember when

          the only “allies”
      bush had were tony blair
          and poland until

       rupert murdock bought
         all of italy’s media
          in one fell swoop

         and suddenly they
        were in favor of iraq,
        which was certainly

      “news” to the italians...
     so, i guess this italian web
           thing is the latest

         thing to unfold out
   of *that* transaction) yay for
   newscorp! good work, guys!


        film incentives, blah,
blah.. writers guild, blah, blah.. net-
           flix to introduce

         cheaper stream only
  option.. blah, blah, blah, blah, blah
        blah (no news today)


          la times comes out
    and says what i’ve been saying
            all along: leno’s

           blatant disregard
       for his union opened the
        floodgates for wealthy

     to stand against their unions.
           great job, jay leno.


            the labor guy at
              amptp retires
          at the end of march

           nobody has a
   clue what this means or what, if
        anything, will change


         sean penn... heheheh...
...sean penn... in other news: ...umm...
           yeah, i got nothin’


            a lot of turmoil
        today but it’s all in new
          york so that’s okay


       robin williams is
     in icu. pray for him,
      if you’re into that


     sag seeks an end to
contract stalemate (“can we go
      back to the old last

        best final offer?
  the one without the twenty
     twelve expiration?”)


     hollywood board asks
national board to have members
      vote on whether to

     accept the “last, best,
    and final offer” without


      tom hanks is having
   secret conversations with
       himself in private

     thereby jumpstarting
 talks between the actors and
    producers. thanks tom!

    this just in! no change
     on actor / advertiser
    talk... thing. that is all.


             more a-list actors
       have joined the conversation
          in tom hankses head

           between producers
        and stars. if only working
           actors had a voice.

special bonus spooky friday the 13th haiku:

             streaming video
      from the space station doesn’t
         include their bedrooms


            sag silent on star’s
          back-room negotiating
             (ironic, when you

             remember writers
       strike when deafening silence
              came consistently

           from the stars, till jay
        leno broke the ice choosing
              his money over

              everyone else’s,
       then later, months before sag

          tom hanks was taking
         out ads in the hollywood
              reporter telling

              alan rosenberg
       to start flying the white flag
             early, and urging

           the poor to vote like
       they’re rich, like so many 80’s
            wanna-be yuppies)


       writers guild to cut
 a tenth of staff (can we *not*
  follow *those* footsteps??)


    sag and commercials
have agreed to news blackout,
       but anonymous

       insiders say sag
 wants adjusted tier payment
     rather than the old

      pay per play model,
 and commercials want to pay
      twenty million less

    to pension and health,
 and that sag may go on strike
     over this. but, since

      these are mcnary
   rumors, best to take it all
      with a grain of salt


       mcnary heard from
this guy who said that his friend
        spoke to alan at

        protest at cbs
and he’d said “i heard some of
   my friends were here”

     (can someone get dave
   a fake mustache so he can
       get first hand info?)


       obama was with
   leno in burbank and one
    hundred sag members

      were protesting out-
side. (....obama was there… and
        we could only get

     a hundred members
  outside? ...can we organize
  some kind of phone-tree??)


      ad industry says
we’re winning the war against
   eurasia...? ...eastasia.


       captain obvious
    says: if an actor is told
       to enjoy a brand

    name product, and to
    be sure not to cast it in
       a negative light,

  you’ve gone way past the
bounds of what can be labeled
         “reality tv”


        sag hardliners to
   try to get government to
        bust the studios

      for their anti-trust
     violations (forgetting
         that the f.c.c.

     *loosened*all of those
    regulations for murdock,
        and the federal

      government thinks of
  the western block in terms of
      “contributions” from

          the big studios
 and not the right-ness or wrong-
      ness of their owning

        it all or how they
     treat the multi-various
     cogs in their machine)


       friedman says “tv’s
       not dying.” reality
       replies, “yes, it is.”


          about a hundred
 (wait... is this the same hundred
      members who were at

     leno’s place?) members
   rally for government probe

     as we learned from the
      vietnam war, even if
      you have a hundred

      *thousand* protesting
against something the white house
        gets money from, it

        doesn’t really do
       anything) of studios


           dave mcnary points
          out the inconsistency
          between the silence

       on one hand and the
   rumors from “someone close to

            or “the janitor”
      on the other. so... no news
          on ad-talks, but at

         least that page in the
         variety has something
           written on it... and

         there are five haikus
   today, despite “news blackout.”
       .....five more syllables?

              bonus haiku:

           anonymous source
says: “....k ...z ....q .....goodbye”
        ....stupid ouija board....


        real news! before you
       hear it from dave mcnary!
        we’ve got ad contract!

  (note: this is not an april fools joke)

         i was going to say
      something about mcnary’s
            article today

     which states that ad talks
   may drag on a long while, based
          on his “insiders”

      but that would be mean.
    rubbing salt in the wound and
        all. no need for that.


    with ad contract solved,
sag turns back to the stalemate
     with the big contract

     nothing else in news,
    safe to pick on mcnary
     a bit… two news bits

         from variety,
 neither are dave’s, i do hope
   he comes back from his

     vacation refreshed;
 ready to move forward with
    some good reporting


   okay, cool... dave wrote
    a nice article, concise,
       without a lot of

     sarcastic buzzwords:
 alan and that same hundred
       members rallying

      about how bad the
     latest “final offer” is,
       and the producers

      response that “it is
     generous considering
        the economy.”

     (does anyone else
 remember the good old days
      when the studios

 would have some front man
    actually cry-on-cue
      and go on about

     how they’d love to pay
...what’s it called? ...residuals?
   but they’re all broke too...?)


     “people close to the
     negotiations” say sag
       and studios are

        close to agreeing
  on a new contract (thanks to
      tom hanks’ self-talk)


       all entertainment
   rags breath a hesitant sigh
          of optimistic

       but cautious relief
    as rumors spread wider
     and wider from some

    unknown leak “close to”
those who’d know whether or not
      we should be relieved


     the rumors aren’t as
    optimistic as they were
     in yesterday’s news


     okay! news! they got
      rid of the 2012 date
         for expiration,

     so there’s good reason
      to be optimistic now.
       in other news, they

    determined that while
  members receive two and a
   half weeks of pay when

   forced to stop work due
  to an “act of god”, a strike
        is not a kind of

     “act of god” – i think
 franklin and jefferson might
    have disagreed when

 they sketched the first draft
   of what later evolved to
    become our great seal


    yahoo and newscorp...
   ...whatever, no one uses
       yahoo anyway...

      youtube and uni-
    versal conceive a baby
      and name it vevo

     french lawmakers go
 the way of the danes and the
      italians? not quite.

     they’re just not going
with a three-strikes law against
   sight-and-sound pirates

   to sum up: there was
some news today, but none of
      it was relevant.

      film biz takes a dive
   leaving l.a. with just one
     cash-crop: taco trucks


         an article in
       variety about an
        article in sag’s

      magazine in which
   alan complains about the
      moderate takeover,

      and one about how
    even if all goes well we
     shouldn’t be relieved

     because in two years
  the contract expires again,
      so... no news today


        lots of articles
 in which authors have taken
      time to mull over

      and digest events
and write broad overviews, but
     no real news today


    sag board approves the
deal, but some say the members
    votes won’t come easy;

    after all, there’s the
hundred picketing... that’s half
   a percent right there...


      sag to lay off eight
 percent of staff. i don’t want
       to talk about it.


    there are sag members
   protesting a carwash. i’m
    not sure what it means.


         in the wake of sag
     staff lay-offs at the end of
       last week, it’s somber.

       meanwhile, sag hires a
       pr firm to persuade its
        members to accept

         the deal. in other
  news, haikuist strives for a more
          subtle sarcasm.


          studios still hold
   the power... but do bears still
      shit in the woods?? find

          out next week in
          the daily variety!
        (no real news today)


         “sag has a plan for
    ending strike pay flap” (ouija
     board composed headline)


          the ballot will be
mailed out on may nineteenth (..need
         six more syllables..)


             the canadian
     actors renew their contract
         (without splitting in

      half or hiring a
     mediator or yellow
      propaganda or

    getting sued by their
   president or layoffs or
  *anything* offs.)


         movie piracy:
fun for the whole unemployed
       family! (popcorn

      not included, and
  buttered styrofoam is not
     a good substitute)


       no news. cnn
    has an article on “la
    bamba” the movie,

     related somehow,
no doubt, to today being the

       of the mexican
   army's unlikely defeat
     of french forces at

       puebla battle
    under general ignacio
      zaragoza seguín


     disney’s income falls
   ninety seven percent. i
  know, i thought the same

         thing, but it’s not a
     misplaced modifier, they’re
         at three percent of

       the hundred they’re used
        to. so, if you pirate, you
         should feel really bad:

       you made mickey mouse
     cry. the baby mickey mouse.
         from muppet babies.


          may 12th and 14th
        info about the deal will
            be offered. it all

          went down a little
       like this: “5, final offer”
        “10” “5” “10” “5” “10”

        “5, plus we punch you
really hard” “...9?” “no..” “...8?” “no”
           “okay.... 5 it is.”

       “good. plus we punch you
really hard.” “no!” “yes.” “no!” “well...
             okay... 5 it is.”


             dvd pirates
       growing (for generations
       who haven’t worked out

        how to download things
  yet), writers guild’s “where’d that
          huge pile of money

     come from?” case has blown
      over, and more filmmaking
          in massachusetts.


      empty husk shell of
   what was once called axium
      payroll demanding

        that actors pay back
      funds they legitimately
       earned, which axium

      had processed, because
  of some bankruptcy rule which
       says they didn’t have

        to have paid it, sag
   recommends to its members
       to keep their money

      and they may want to
   consult lawyers and respond
      within fourteen days


     what sag calls “rule one”,
writers guild calls “rule eight”, now
        applies to the web.

      you may ask, “what are
writers rules one through seven??”
   well here’s the breakdown...

    one don’t break the rules,
   two don’t break the spirit of
      the rules, three get it

          it writing, four i
     said get it in writing! five
    see rules one through four

      six don’t work for less
   than minimum wage or else!
      seven there are some

          exceptions to rule
   six, like if you’re just helping,
       but ask your guild first


         haikuist struggles
    with not being able to crack
       jokes about the vote

        and so... i have no
    opinion... (*sigh*) it’s up to
       you... so... yes or no?


         a new, and edgy,
    actors against the free and
       clear making of one

    and all... progress... thing...
    i think it means if… i don’t
     know what it means, but

       they have a youtube,
   and stars like it. proceed with
          caution, if at all.


          ah... finally!!! i
can say something! because... dave
         mcnary says... that

        *other* people say...
this: “to those voting yes, where’ve
      you been the past year??

        it’s still nothing for
  internet – what would the past
       fifty years have been

        like if you’d caved in
  like this on re-runs! ...and now
        to those voting no...

     guys... you don’t have the
       monopoly on actors...
        if you want sag to

         still exist in ten
years, you might want to take the
        deal... after all, it

        *is* better than a
  poke in the eye with a sharp
    stick...” ...there, i did it!

        (note: no haikuist
   opinions were expressed in
       this news synopsis)


      sag approves the ad
    deal, still torn over other
    deal (see last year’s news)


       ex presidents and
    ex presidential hopefuls
    exchange harsh words in

       the news: involving
   the holocaust, youth versus
        old age, and even,

     get this, the contract
  that’s being voted on... that
     was mentioned also.


     nothing new. except
 some “robo-calls” – recordings
         of celebrities

     you may find on your
  voicemail telling you how to
      vote, alongside the

         usual: “this is
   the second notice that the
      factory warranty...”


       one of the vote yes
guys makes the point that last year
      hulu made less than

        seventy million,
 which batman made on its first
     day. translation: you

       shouldn’t worry that
      the internet portion of
    contract sucks, ‘cause one

       of the movie sites
 made less than one of the most
        popular movies’

         openings. (what a
     relief! the internet really
     *is* just a passing fad…)

        besides, several
       million divided over
       a couple thousand

        actors would be (if
     they got any of it) chump
   change (if they’re tom hanks)


     once meant opposite of
      what it means today


       vanderbilt, morgan,
     rockefeller, flagler, and
         carnegie agree

     they don't like this new
 fangled "child labor laws" thing,
     and neither should you


      votes coming in, you
have six hours to go back in time
    and have mailed yours

         gazing into my
    trusty crystal ball... only
    a few hours from now...

      (cue the wavy-dream
 effect and the harp strumming)
        the results are in!

     half of sag... smiling,
       the other half is
    sad... see for yourself:


        haikuist asks for
giveness, *three quarters* of sag
          is happy, only

       one quarter is sad.
   so, the illustration would
       look a bit like this:


      the times clarifies,
    when they said residuals
     were “less generous”

     they didn’t mean the
  residuals rates went down,
      they were referring

      to all the networks’
    putting all past episodes
      online, rather than

      rerunning them, to
    avoid paying residuals.
  you know, that whole thing.


     one piece of sag news:
    alan rosenberg’s going to
       run for pres’ again.

       writers guild does
 it. amazing. if you don’t earn
     enough, you don’t vote.

      (you may remember
   the haikus from april forth,
    two thousand and eight)


        today’s sag news is
that in sixteen months... that can
      wait. today, no news.


     no news, but for your
amusement, jim stern has warned
       indie producers:

     work more closely with
   your financiers, stop taking
     risks, make movies the

    banks know will sell, like
 tight leather and cars blowing
     up – sequels of things

    twelve year olds like, in
 short, take “in” out of “indies”
     then you can be “dies”


  has retired. (wondering what
      that is? don’t worry.)


        it’s all digital
  now. everybody’s freaking
    out. no other news.


       studios went to
  supreme court to try to stop
       cablevision from

       allowing viewers
 to watch things later and skip
      ads (like tivo does)

   the supreme court rules:
“why you wastin’ my time?” and
    the case is thrown out


      every man woman
 and child on the planet could
       earn alabama’s

    state minimum wage
  working for unions so long
   as one guy who works

      flipping burgers or
 something could afford to pay
     twenty eight billion

      dollars per hour in
  union dues (no news today.


       web of differing
   opinions about... i’ll stop
     there, could be any-

     thing, but before the
    web teddy ruxbin alone
    heard them all, and the

     few voices that made
    it to glossy print or the
    news alone were heard


     youtube is worried
   more regular people will
    be uploading things

      advertisers aren’t-
    -oh, nevermind, i really
     don’t care about this


     the only news that’s
      interesting is about
       how child labor is

         illegal except
   in entertainment, asks if
 that should change based on

       the life of michael
 jackson... i suppose we could
       make cgi babies...


     no news. just a piece
   explaining casting sites to
      the non tech savvy

       to sum up: avoid
craig’s list casting calls with no
   pay “but great exposure”

  which use the words: “pass
the paved road” or “in the base-
    ment” or “come alone”


        no news again.. i
 can’t help but think it must be
      something sinister…


      devin banerjee,
 mercury news, has found the
      solution! during

     the great depression
    everybody went to the
      movies to escape.

      so.. if we.. can turn
     this recession.. into a
       great depression..

      ..people will go to
  the movies! and.. it'll save

     it's flawless! ..except
    they didn't have hulu in
        the 30s.. but still


       the bill formerly
known as “the card check bill” is
   now left with: “the bill”


      unemployment rate
   levels out thanks to rising
       suicide rate, yay!


       film production drops
   thirty percent from where it
         was which was at a

       sixty percent drop
 from something, every few days
      there’s another drop

        of some dramatic
     percentage without any
        real explanation

       as to what all these
    percentages are based on,
       i’ll bet if they were

         to include all the
   free and “deferred” internet
      production they’d find

        ninety-five percent
     of the civilized world are
         now producers of

 movies.. or, at least, cell phone
       video uploaders..


        kingmaker rupert
      murdock, international
       neo-con and media

       conglomerate’s next
move.. (darth vador theme)
  games on myspace! (scream)

     ..aside from that, more
   complaining about the new
    contract.. what’s the big

     deal?? just because you
     can hire an army of ten
      year olds to plow your

      fields (as long as you
     film it and put it on the
         internet) and not

     pay them (as long as
 you have parents’ consent and
     a teacher on “set”) ...


  press just picked up a mega-
  phone and announced what

       the industry had
     previously been very
     quiet about: there’s

     a website called “the
pirate bay” where you can find
      anything you want


     jordan hoffner, who-
    ever that is, states that
        internet video

      is “still young”... i say:
true, but, borg nanoprobes work
          almost instantly,

      in “first contact” at
    any rate, and if youtube
    were dogs they’d be at

     least middle aged by
  now. that being said, in ten
    minutes, when i-phone

  comes out with gloves and
   contact lenses, internet
        video will be

        a thing of the past,
     so, five years out of its
     lifespan could be three

        quarters of the way
     to being passé.. you buy
       that? ...neither do i...


     “backstage” has a piece
called “the top ten mistakes (that)
      actors make when they

     sign a contract” here’s
     a synopsis: read it, talk
        to a lawyer, check

 check sag status, dressing room
     size, “moy-chindizing”,

      use a loan-out, check
     expiration date, pay or
     play and perks ...boring

      so here’s my top ten
  mistakes actors make: failure
     to cheat-out, mouthing

     gibberish (there *are*
  people who can read lips, you
    know), un-called for bad

      british accents, not
    matching the voiceover to
       footage, failure to

      eat carbs, and, finally,
      failure to adequately
       answer my fan mail.


      backstage answers the
    top ten sag questions: do i
       need an agent? yes!

      like cartman says, “you
     just do all the singing, all
         the performing, all

         the entertaining,
  and leave the rest to us.” how
         do i join sag? let

      me transfer you to
   membership. how do i find
      a photographer?

         borrow a digital
      camera, pick up glossy
        paper at staples.

       graduate school? i’m
 sorry, i thought these questions
        were about acting?

      what’s the difference
     between a manager and
        an agent? one is

      pretty much useless,
the other... you know what, there
        is no difference...

         should i really use
this headshot? no, spend hundreds
         of dollars instead.

       which online casting
   service should i sign up for?
        iactor! what does

     it mean when they say
   “good job”? is this really a
    question? pass.. how do

      i work full time and
  pursue acting? don’t know,
    ask that guy...garçon?

   what’s the best way to
“network”? show up at every-
     thing paris hilton

      goes to.. no, no.. no
  “networking”. just go to all
   the workshops and things.


  newscorp might charge for
their websites - oh please do, i
      think i saw myspace

    still twitching. it would
    be a mercy killing, pull
    the plug! pull the plug!


    for those of you who
haven’t been paying attention,
      and dave mcnary,

       this is news: aftra
    is in no hurry to merge
    with sag (which, on one

          level, is sort of
   like the awkward ugly kid
     in school saying he’s in

        no hurry to date
the homecoming queen, but then
       maybe i’m biased)


       lionsgate profits
jumped, so we’ll be seeing more
      residuals... right?

 “mann orders chinese take-out”
     oh, that’s right, racial

     slurs don’t count if it’s
     entertainment related.
         i forgot. finally,

       hofler challenges
    mcnary for “most clueless
        variety scribe”

       award with latest
 headline: “showbiz not always
        recession proof”


        jay leno cleared of
     strike violations (the ten
         million witnesses

        to his writing and
       performing material
        during the writers

       strike was considered
  “circumstantial” perhaps? no,
       he gave them money.

        but who can really
       put a dollar value on
       the damage he did?

           no celebrity
    before him took a stand on
      strike issues. once he

     opened the floodgates,
making the bold statement: “screw
       my union,” it seems

       quite a few stars took
     the same position in that
          and other union

   matters. how much are
 we loosing with the web deal?
  that’s how much he owes)


         barack obama,
   hollywood, and china, are
       all pretending that

        everyone doesn’t
  just download movies and, if
    they want to, burn them

      on dvd themselves,
     and are putting energy
       into busting those

    bad guys who burn and
       sell dvds illegally.
   who on earth would *buy*

      a burnt movie from
     a pirate? has anyone
     ever known or heard

         of anyone ever
doing that? *why* do they waste
    their time with it? while

     we’re at it, we should
  spend tax money going after
     those imposters who

       *pretend* to be the
     pony express, because
      they the steal profits

     from the *real* pony
     express, am i the only
    one who feels this way?


     controversial tweets.
    whatever. in other news,

     points out that with games
 it’s feast or famine. here’s what
          to do if your day

           job is video
     game voiceover: appoint
          officers over

      the land, and take up
    the fifth part of the land in
       the seven plenteous

        years. and let them
    gather all the food of those
    good years that come, and

       lay up corn and let
   them keep food in the cities.
      and that food shall be

       for store to the land
    against the seven years of
      famine, that the land

     perish not through the
   famine. other than that, no
       news today, really.


      brad durrell of bridge-
port news just realized that sag has
       a new contract now

         every newspaper
     in the industry has been
        writing about some

           idiot casting
     director twittering from
      her cell phone during

       auditions. oh well,
no news is good news.. but there’s
        a whole lot of it..

        china to appeal
     world trade organism’s
      ruling that they just

        stand aside while the
 u.s. sells stuff there, when asked
           “gee, wto, don’t

     you think that’s kind of
  a double standard? the brick
       wall replied: “......”


        dave mcnary wrote
     a clear, concise, relevant
           article today


       so, the “twittergate
       controversy” (ironic
        reference to how

         big of a deal it
  has become when it’s freaking
        twitter.. i hope) is

           over. equity
     told the casting director
        to stop twittering.

       the motion picture
     television fund has laid
          off a hundred

       elderly patients,
   and the teamsters saying
“what!? that’s just... that’s sick!”

           and in video
games they’ve determined that the
      thirteen year old are

      getting bored with the
     scantily clad women and
         shooting of nazis

     so to make things more
   interesting they’re going to
      **** *** ***** * ***

       **** **** with little
     propeller hats and *****
         **** **** which,

          obviously, is sick
twisted and wrong, but they think
     it should help with sales


        are the emmys still
    relevant? oh, never mind,
        it’s not important.

     what is “i am pwd”?
 something i’m not comfortable
       haikuing about.

        paramount to give
       redbox a spin (ok l.a.
     times, we don’t want to

        hear all the sordid
    details of corporate demon
         coupling rituals..)

       and michael kostroff
     rips anonymous women
         a new paradigm


     dave mcnary thought
    he found a way to take a
         sarcastic jab at

        sag for telling its
   members not to work on a
     film that has no deal

      with sag, the comment
   being “sag asserts that even
     though they didn’t have

         jurisdiction” of
   footage which also happens
        to be in the film,

    that they do have such
  over their members working
         on a non union

    project. well, dave, john’s
  rent-a-clue called and wanted
      to tell you... they do!

       ...did sag hurt you as
a small child is some way? dressed
         as a clown refused

     to make your balloon
    animal or something? or
        is it just that all

      your friends are in the
         amptp and you
        have no business

        calling yourself an
      objective reporter for
       the “entertainment

         industry bible”
   as they’re so fond of calling
  themselves? just wondering.


     if mickey mouse fought
wolverine who’d win? wrong! walt
        ate marvel comics


        writers seem to be
   eating themselves alive and
     shooting themselves in

       the foot over and
   over.. ahh... reminds me of
    when we were their age


     sick. sick and wrong. so
very wrong. how could they? are
       they just plain evil?

      shall we do the math
    and see how many didn’t
       need to be laid off?


   youtube thinks “we should
   try to be more like netflix”
     (then all the news rags

         wrote pages about
    it, then i summed it all up
         in twelve syllables)


      survey shows nearly
    a quarter of the country
       watches tv shows

      on their computers
 (and the other three quarters
     left the survey blank)


    in the past three years
   three point five millennia
          of video has

      been uploaded to
 youtube, supply and demand
        equivalent to

      saturn and pluto.
   does anyone still say that
     production is down?


        hulu will destroy
    television, which is bad
   for those whose incomes

        depend on tv’s
  not being destroyed and all,
    and would be good for

  except that the people are
      still watching hulu


       producers busted
    for bribing film festival
   in bangkok. but.... why?

      more blockbuster are
closing down making more room
     for more starbucks with

            wi-fi so you can
        illegally download all
        your favorite movies

        from the comfort of
   your own quad grande mocha
         halfskim soy latte


             media buying
        less. if our economy
           is so dependant

       on ads, why don’t we
      restructure it so that it’s
       not, like we did when

        the country became
       addicted to a wartime
            economy in

    world war two? what? we
  never did that?? oh. the
         ads everybody!!!


            “it’s a horrible
 thought” the headline for the death
             of television.
         fifties sci-fi scribes
   would laugh themselves silly, till
      you explained *why* it’s

           such a horrible
thought. then they’d ask “why did sag
       accept the contract?”


          nielsen, formerly
     the creepy big brother org
      that watched everyone,

      has, in recent years,
   been outcreepied by every
      ex-boyfriend with a

     facebook account. so,
     nielsen has decided to
      start using facebook


     ken howard, new pres.
 he is? ...there were elections?
      ....who’s ken howard?


      tivo type things are
  penetrating *way* more than
     before, says paul bond


 charge two thousand per day to
     crowd real students in

     gym while fake students
film shows in real classrooms, and
    the money goes... where?


         so... diversity
  awareness month. be aware
     of this: if you make

       a nine hundred k
   movie, you have to pay the
     actors five hundred...

        unless they are of
       a minority, then it’s
          only two fifty.

     does it make sense? did
  it ever make sense? one day,
       will all our members

        be equal? i hope
    so. because the way it is
    now is just... so... wrong.


       unions upset that
michael moore’s going non-union
      for his newest film

       (that’s yet *another*
   thing he has in common with


      writers guild’s case of
the “gee where’d that huge pile of
  cash come from” could mean

    chunks of change for the
   writers, from foreign levies.
       warner decides not

            to eat nbc.
            abc and cbs
         join the haikuist

         in boycotting jay
    “the scab” leno – but for a
         different reason,

         but the enemies
       of my enemy are my
    friends. we go way back.


         hulu is thinking
    about making people pay
     to watch things for free

         (go for it, hulu!
  then they’ll start watching tv
     again! thanks, hulu!)


       starting december
     1st: blogger paranoia
      (that’s not a movie)

        if you get money
from someone, and you write on
    facebook, or something,

    about something that’s
     related to the people
     you get money from,

    you could be forced to
  pay eleven thousand bucks
      to big-brother sam


    sag staff to join march
   in washington dc. (wait,
what? when?? ...should i pack?)


      tivo things improve
ratings for shows during games,
  cause now they watch both!

     (not that that’s news or
    anything, just the closest
        thing to it today)


     chinese government
 cracks down on the internet,
        filtering out the

     things it deems to be
    “inappropriate” (tenzin
      gyatso, for instance)


     today’s news: lots of
percent signs, despair, whining,
        and pessimism


     rupert murdock say:
   “business can no longer
       be supported by

     ads alone”. i guess
   he’s ready to move into
    fox news telethons..?


   howard and white (best
  known for not having any-
     thing to do with the

     clusterf*ck that went
    on over the past couple
   years) are in charge now


           the mpaa,
   to avoid being mistaken
      for pan’s lost boys,

   have changed term “anti-
     piracy” into “content
    protection” ..pointless?

      and in other news,
  cassel suspended for being
   bit too.. “old fashioned”


       okay, writers guild,
  if the police need a search
        warrant to use a

    smoking gun found in
     a locker as evidence,
    you can’t use a hacked

       email account to
prove that jonathan prince was
    a scab (which he was)


and sag pass bill to stop those
  “talent scouts” who hang

       around malls giving
their cards out to young people
     with “great potential”


        hulu announces
    that it will shoot itself in
   the foot “at some point”.

         f.c.c. to craft
        “net neutrality”
        quite similar to

         the original
     purpose of the f.c.c.,
      to be sure that no

   few big rich guys would
     dominate the tv and
    air waves, before they

         decided to just
take bribes and crusade against
   red herring “bad words”.


           roberta uses
    clever words and emphasis
        speaking on aftra’s

         video game deal:
  “millions” for “thousands” (two
          million or so for

       one hundred twenty
thousand members – that’s less than
       twenty dollars each)

        swertlow has advice
   for child actors. i have some
         advice too: stay in

  school, play with your friends,
  take drama when you’re older,
        then go to college


         court, again, nixes
      alan’s appeal of allen’s
        having gotten fired.

           tv composers,
 tired of short ends of sticks, just
       might unionize soon

        hopefully we won’t
     loose all the video games
         to aftra this week


        will having ten best-
    picture... oh nevermind, it's
         about the oscars..

       steve waldman is the
      new f.c.c. guy in charge
          of the internet

         el gremio de
    actores de doblaje más
        busca español


        dave mcnary talks
         about anxiety in
      industry’s healthcare

          (48 years it’s
  been the same, file this under
    “dave’s sag-in-the-olds”)

  sag shoots down game deal,
      urges aftra to do the
    same. sounds familiar.


 ten, count them, ten are up for
       the top oscar.. “this

     changes everything!”
   (except for everything else
       besides the oscar)

         writers guild to
feds: “need more money to write
     news more verbosely!”


    diverse news men: from
   irish to english, german...
     all kinds of white men

        the parents tv
    council generously gives
    “gossip girl” some good

        free advertizing,
   “declaring war” because of
     a teenage threesome

        (ahh... i remember
those stupid teenage threesomes...
      when is this show on?)


          the fcc and
     mister potato go head
      to head over sap..

    ..forget it. seems the only
   sag news is: happy birthday
          flux capacitor!

         the industry is
  slowly coming to terms with
       the internet, like

      a death row inmate
  coming to terms with his own
          mortality yet

      still hoping, in vain,
to somehow twist it, make death
     work for him. it’s sad.


      there’s nothing funny
          about amptp
        head dying friday.

       i swear there isn’t.
   and even if there were, it’s
   too soon. so.. peace, nick.

       now, comic relief:
     pakistan’s film industry
         isn’t doing well


      someone’s surprised to
hear the french word for “shower”
           on television

       (still, however, there
    are no french ads involving
        people in showers)


          david mcnary
    insightfully digests what
        he ascertains and

        produces a fresh
     new nugget of wisdom
      for us to learn from


      screen writers are still
largely white males, since no one
      can see, and therefore

      congratulate, their
     employers on being so
      diverse, so then the

      writers guild had this
 contest, which gave twenty jobs
          to minorities,

      so the writers guild
 patted themselves on the back
      for a job well done.


        dave mcnary says
      mocap confuses sag. i
      say... what is mocap?

      oh, motion capture!
...i can’t keep up with all the
      orwell speak, sorry...


        miss apodaca
 just goes and publishes an
      article that, while

       it may be useful
      for an individual,
    is bad for the group!


    this just in! nineteen
  forty nine oscar winner...
      ...are you serious?

      (no news today)


    nielsen and the ad
    association having
 arguments. …who cares?

     well... according to
nielsen: white males thirty to
       fifty who live in

  sherman oaks and drive
mitsubishis, smoke hookahs,
 have girlfriends they met

  through work and/or on
  the internet, and golf no
  less than once a month.

     for the rest of you
 reading this news, sorry to
   have wasted your time


        the paparazzis
   say some local actors ate
        turkey recently

           (no news)


   merger sets a new tone in
       universe: b flat

       no, really. if you
     can find snow on a tv,
       use a tuning fork. did that before?
   ...the hollywood reporter
           is lying to us?!?


         “i do voiceover
for games” - “happy to have you
      dating our daughter”

      (this never happens)


         the academy
 is going to have to confront
 shankman’s tweeting ways..

    actor asks why they’re
  being punished for earning
  less than, say... tom hanks

      answer: the rich get
  richer, the poor get poorer,
        love it or leave it


     i just heard the news,
someone’s selling bootlegged disks.
    dude, this one’s for you:

     the nineties are through
    and done with, by almost a
      decade now. hit up a

      search engine to find
out what all you’ve missed, or team
     up with those guys who

        sell those unlicensed
  reel-to-reel movies, cause your
           ass is obsolete.


      but... what if the brink
      of disaster is the verge
          of recovery...?

       ad companies are
making ads... which should trickle
        sideways to us...


        happy chanuka!
    chanukkah? ...hanuka? ...i
      think it's hanukkah..

   billboard, “and other” holly-
        news rags are being

      clumped into one big
       formation which has

       shady “undisclosed”
     associations with the son
        of rupert murdock


           leno is number
(ford) one when it comes to (pringles)
         (mcdonalds) product

      (mike’s hard lemonade)
     placement (doritos) (roger
        vivier black sandals)


      study somewhere shows:
         people in 2009 are
         nostalgic for those

        old tvs things, where
          2008 folks were
            %6 more into

        watching everything
     on computers. that, or it’s

         in other news: the
     sag awards are coming up.
       isn’t that something?


          entertainment is
      happy that feds just gave
        foreign governments

          thirty million to
     punish pirates in their own
       special foreign ways,

       which may or may not
        be cruel and unusual,
       but hey... the founders

        never said *not* to
    pay foreign governments to
     punish themselves, so...


          theater cleaners
    may go one strike (man, every-
          one’s got a union

         now. well, except for,
           obviously, a union
         protecting “workers”

            who are also the
         employers of others of
         their same union from

  law-suits – they don’t need their own
           union, they can just

           pay off whoever
    they need to, buy billboards and
          backs of magazines

         using star power to
   sway the votes of those who liked
        them in forrest gump)


           sag loses hope on
game deal. (there was hope?? how come
           nobody told me?!)


           this is the decade
    that changed the industry (like
          the 80s with tapes

              and the 70s
        with cable, the 60s with
         color, and the.. well..

          everything but the
        90s) surely nothing big
         could happen to the

          industry in between
     twenty-ten and twenty.. right?


          commercial jobs are
   up, so at least there’s that. (needs
            six more syllables)


         pull up your stockings,
        put on that tree, it’s all a
bit blurry after some mistletoe tea......


                basically, a
        lot of articles which have
             nothing at all to

         say except for: “gee,
       what a decade we just had”
           or “gee, i wonder

          what the next decade
      has in store for us” and other
             predictable fluff.


              an article “why
         do filmmakers put their
          work online for free?”

          i’ll answer that with
        another question: in an
         age where all it takes

            to make a film is
        a hundred dollar camera
            and a computer,

        why is this even
  a question? do you assume
       that all the zillion

        filmmakers are in
 it for the money? these days
       it’s like asking why

   people wear nice clothes
  and not expect to get paid
    for walking down the

    street; self-expression
      is a natural, ancient
         motivator that

       has nothing to do
  with trade, barter, survival,
      or profit. so, now:

      why do filmmakers
  put their movies online for
   free? because they can.

      ( )


          the fcc (could
 it be true? they’re doing their
      job?!) moving toward

       figuring out how
 to ask, require, and check up
    on search engines and

     their favoring those
 with money over those with
   relevance – those with

     money cry out “you’re
hurting us!” much the same way
      the pioneers would

    have cried out if there
 had been a rule about which
   tribes they can or can’t

     slaughter to build their
condos on their graves. those poor,
        poor corporations.


           variety, since
they have to print something, says
      that two thousand ten

         is likely to bring
     some changes to tv. yes.
         it probably will.

      (also, the sag awards
    happened.. or are going to
     happen.. or something)


         sandra bullock will
 give lifetime achievement award
           to david white.

        ...betty! sorry, the
      headline didn’t specify;
         i misunderstood.


         guild fetes publicists.
i think that means something.. bad?
          i really don’t know.


     “french fete bump in ads
 rev” (which i think has something
         to do with cheese)


      clooney and something
     about the directors guild,
        and yahoo ads, and

      they might move leno
      back to eleven thirty,
         and the la times

       is kissing the head
       of the afl-cio’s ass.
      boring... boring news.


         in the midst of all
     the leno david swapping,
           articles about

         production being
down, side by side with those which
       say production’s up,

      there is one small piece
    of news we can really use...
       wii games on netflix!!!


          net neutrality,
    entertainment unions say:
     sounds good, but be sure

         to censor all the
       astrally copyrighted
       stuff and, also, start

       teaching abstinence
    to all the stray dogs in the
       world. then levitate.


    haikuist to will stop
    being so cynical: sag
  awards! yay! and... yeah.


       okay, so... i saw
 part of the sag awards, with
  those who’d died. i cried.


        haikuist retires
until there’s something in the
    news worth haikuing


      under the current
   administration, relations
    with others are much

   better than they were
 before last year. (oh, that’s
   about sag, by the way)


“five ways that “lost” changed
  television” one: it was the
    first time *ever* there’d

     been a show like that
  for people born too late to
have watched twin peaks. two:

       it described state
  of mind of most viewers in
  the title. three: ...uhhh...


       motion picture and
      television fundraiser:
    “where are the spielbergs?

       where are the jolies?”
asks the wrap . meanwhile, the less
       unheard-of news rags

        had this to say on
          the subject: “

       and then went on to
  say, “oscars, oscars. ...oscars?
     ha ha, yeah... oscars.”


            cynicism in
  the news, here’s my bit: having
    moved on from that whole

    healthcare thing, congress
        discussing the nbc
        deal. ..priorities?


       congress democrats
     miraculously grow spines
      when it comes to the

          nbc deal. see,
   they’d hate to see the other
          tv companies

        get hurt or injured
  without universal healthcare...
    ...poor corporate undead


      the superbowl... wait...
   isn’t this *sag* in the news?
     oh, right, commercials...


   writers guild’s “gee, where’d
that huge pile of cash come from?”
         case still an issue

       london times having
     trouble adjusting to the
        whole avatar thing

       (like hollywood will
    one day have trouble with
            the idea of

        the moon’s virtual
     subconscious interactive
       “post-new media”)


        unto the fourth and
    fifth generations of them
    who shoot themselves in

       the foot over and
     over... (the pilots are all
        still going aftra)


     new york castings says:
  “no, taft hartley waivers don’t
       expire”. once again,

      sag says: “they are not
     waivers.” oh, the media.
      you’re just so helpful.


     nielsen says: red looks
   good on you today. not that
       anyone can see it.

says: those ancient rich guys are
        seeing revenue,

    which means you will too,
    because of the reganomic
      trickle-down theory.

           daily varia-
  says: they’re making a movie
     in russia. thanks, nick!


       the british have a
 great word for unpaid product
 placement: “prop placement”

     the feds (who still think
  burning tons of grain per year
        to keep prices up

          is a neat idea)
   are starting a task force to
     hunt down the pirates


       someone paid nielsen
to tell them that people don’t like
          paying for things.

         if i wrote the title
 of william shatner’s new show,
       this email would be

     flagged, and i would be
   reprimanded, or worse, but
         if you’re curious

        it’s the title of
     an article in today’s


    the boston globe says
george clooney is the new jack
     nicholson, to which

         reality replies
  by rolling it’s eyes and not
        dignifying such

    an absurd statement
 with a response. other than
     that, no news today


     if you’ve happen to
   be on psychedelics right
    now, enjoy the news:

    cablevision’s rainbow
 to give pillsbury doughboy
      his own tv station


 ad spending dropped nine
percent in two thousand nine
          as usual, a

    lose for the business,
    and a great victory for


      sag and aftra bury
 the hatchet, and not in each
      other, for a change


      sumner redstone has
regained the strength he had lost.
       (now he’s one of the

        most powerful men
    in the world again. before,
        he was having some

        trouble making his
     payments on a few of his
       man-made islands in

       the shape of his face,
      and populated by gold-
         plated girl-robots)


       stewart and colbert
(both owned by redstone) pulled off
         hulu, (which isn’t

       really news because
     hulu doesn’t play on our
      droid phones anyway.)


           so.. sarah palin?
 ..really? well, better than rush,
        i suppose. whatevs.


       (in honor of dad’s
    would-be seventieth, here
        is today’s haiku)

      turn off that goddam
  glowing brainwashing machine
       and go play outside!


     if you care, then you
 already know who won, so i
    won’t waste your time


    how’s this for weird:
   murdock, in abu dhabi,
      urges the arabs

       to end censorship.
so... just who’s side of what is
       who on anymore?


      time warner being
      hypocrites (variety
        calls it “irony”.

    like this: “i can sleep
  with other people but you
   can’t.” how... ironic?)


     more comedies than
      usual on tv.
s’pose that means something?


        summer b.o. to
 profit from sequels (unless
     it’s air conditioned)


       disneypixar to
 create a whole new kind of
    surround sound in a

     desperate attempt
to make spending money more
      fun than pirating


    blockbuster may go
 down soon. also, the pony
  express went bankrupt.


        viacom is still
    metallicaing youtube
     like it was napster


   rumored: spring chicken
   time warner considering
      eating one of it’s

      aging ancestors,
  corporate demon metro-
    goldwyn meyer... inc


   google can’t stand the
  heat, getting out of china.
        humidity too.


       access, lionsgate,
 and time warner are bidding
         to eat mgm.

      warner brothers to
  try to save blockbuster by
      letting them be the

      first to rent out a
movie called "the blind side" a
       movie about an

       a student who re-
    arranges her schedule to
spend more time with... (*yawn*)


      someone paid off the
       f.c.c. again: one guy
       can own everything


        hollywood report-
   er, nineteen fifty four: "sag
    and aftra should merge"

     ...wasn't that today's
  headline? déjà vu... but they
      really mean it now.

        also, hollywood
   writes obama demanding
    more microphones up

       people's internet
      activity, in the name
         of delaying the

     extinction of profiting
      from entertainment


            the mpaa,
    old enough to remember
        the depression, is

       opposed to trading
    futures – to the chagrin of
   two youngster trade corps.

     more on push toward
   preventing the person-to-
      person exchange of

       files by internet,
  saying it should go: person,
   murdock, *then* person


      it’s not that we are
  afraid we have no current
           identity, it’s

     just that studios are
distancing themselves from all
      the cars in neutral

    hurling down hills with
 idiots on top on youtube by
      sticking to what is

          familiar and
    comfortable: remaking
   hit eighties movies...(..?)


  “vultures with vouchers”
  nice title. simply put, ask
   sag: “these guys legit?”

       two producers to
     be eaten by creditors
    in court. nature show.

       mcnary rumor,
    probably true, godzilla
    comes out in two years

          3d is the key;
the bourgeoisie can’t download
      it yet, pirate-proof


         mgm holders
    (sentimental about not
       having their lion

         eaten by warner
   (and sister dot)) are letting
  it slide… one more month…


         19th century
think-tank (that’s generous) in
    washington’s worried

      about what kind of
central vault type thing, or film,
      paper, reel-to-reel,

     tape, or phonograph
 cylinder they’re not going to
       be able to keep

       digital “originals”
     on, since every copy is
           identical to

         the original.
  okay guys, i know they just
   thawed you out and all,

    but don’t panic, just
go with it… things will start to
  make more sense in time.

     (special thanks to the
        daily variety for
       emphasizing just

       how important this
    is... apples really aren’t
       oranges anymore…)


     today’s news is: the
  exec types worried people
    won’t watch much tv

           in january.
   so.. there’s absolutely no
      news today. at all.


       “women in film fetes
foursome” (don’t know what it means,
       but it caught my eye)

     “the wrap” gives you the
     top twenty five people to
         follow on twitter

          industry falling
        over itself trying to
        get shows on ipad


          “post 300” first,
    they mean b.c. second, they
            mean 2006


         aftra’s got the urge
  to merge - with sag. i shall now
      start holding my breath.


        janus’ smile replies:
  “yeah, baby!” and frown replies:
     “can’t we just be friends?”


         sag accepts aftra’s
     proposal. pinch me, i must
       be dreaming. (...ouch!)


       blockbuster still has
 some hope, (that some doctors will
       keep using leaches)

       will try to rent out
  movies the same day walmart
     starts selling them (as

            long as it is a
   sequel, and doesn’t make you
       think, or get naked)


            dvd rental
      down (beta rental even
    further down), what’s up?

       the rest of the news
     reads pretty much like tv
    guide. (what’s on tonight?)


       “dragon” a surprise
      b.o. winner (hopefully
      the prize is speedstick)


          entertainment is
     trying to make piracy an
        issue for homeland

          security… who’s
   job is preventing things from
    getting blown up… should

        we also have the
bomb squad make sure people don’t
        hack their dvrs?


     feds approve more junk
   bonds to help entertainment
     in the short term, but…

        danny elfman and
    some less familiar sounding
      names teaming up with

       the teamsters, sag, and
     the writers guild, to create
          composers union


      senate says “whoa whoa
you’re doing what?!? no junk bonds.
        not now, not ever.”

        happy earth day! if
     you recycle one thing this
         year, do it today


       o this modern world…
     all so new and different…
         (no real news today)


        no one went to the
   movies this weekend ..maybe
       this friday? ..freddy?

       (till then the starving
     corporations will just have
           to subsist off of

        the ad revenue from
      reruns of tv shows on the
       internet…. gold bath!)


          “a relative new
   comer” published in backstage
   says guilds should train thesps

 because that’s what “guilds”
    (check a 16th century
       dictionary) are

     supposed to do. (and
     elvis presley, by virtue
    of his last name, should

     be sweeping the floors
    of an anglican church in
      exchange for a bed)

      dear relative new-
   comer: sorry, but it’s just
         not realistic


        according to the
   research tv shows gather
    to custom make shows,

    teens and parents get
 along these days, like in the
         80s and 50s


         viacom gaining
     in tv, loosing in films.
      (that remote control

           is still easier
   than illegal downloading,
      for the time being)

      directors contract
 up soon, talks with amptp…
   (that’s three syllables…)

      begin november.
come on guys, lets raise the bar
      a little shall we!?

         david robb of the
     hollywood reporter says
     sag should give lifetime

       achievement award
    to nancy reagan, since she
         was basically the

        courtney love to
   the antichrist’s kurt cobain.
      good enough reason.

        (also… remember
      18 years ago when the
         city was on fire?)


        nielsen heralds a
     new paradigm, no longer
    concerned with “channels”

       will stop using the
 word and henceforth simply spy
      on your “everything”


          everybody went
      to see freddy on friday,
         saving hollywood

       and for you mayan-
     calendar-huggers, not to
       worry: batman will

         come out in july
      2012, a full six months
      before the world ends


       the old writers guild
“gee where’d that huge pile of cash
    come from” case could be

      over soon.. (long time
    haiku-followers have read
    those same words before)

          arizona has…
   …actually, nevermind… boy-
          cott arizona!


      average ticket price
  jumps eight percent, in violent
        rebellion against

       the laws of supply
and demand, common sense, taste,
      and cause and effect,

      hoping that the same
     few people still going to
       movies won’t notice.

      (dark crystal sequel??
ooh! ooh! when’s opening night!?
      ..i’ll have to save up..)


       george clooney to try
   to save motion picture fund
         by removing the

        one million dollar
    a year cap on membership
      dues, anne marie takes

        back her donation
   on account of this, sends to
    saint jude’s place instead


           f.c.c. trying
    to figure out how to milk
     those who seem to run

          the internet for
all their worth. (restriction? no
     restriction…. just some?)

     “actors unions are
ready to walk down the aisle”
       (odd considering

      they’re referred to as
“sister unions” …wonder which
    state *that’s* legal in…)

   the men with the stats
have written you a script, goes
     something like this:

    mom and the kids will
see babies this weekend, while
     dad watches ironman


          mgm asking
   for an extension on their
      debts. and so am i.


        too early for a
    merger? 50 years after
     the first talks of one?

   reset your clocks, we’re
    on geologic time now!
    next stop, the ice age!

       you see, actors are
 like burgers, and unions are
    like fast food joints, and

   the producers are like
the consumers, who’d rather
     pay eighty cents for

           a burger than a
      dollar. that makes sense,
      right? so why change it?


        cable worried that
     apple or some other thing
        will get money too,

           and viacom and
         buddies disney, nbc
            universal, and

         warner brothers try
     to kill youtube for standing
        on their street corner


         if you saw private
      ryan on blue ray and the
      sound’s off, it’s not you.

        call triple eight, three
     seven oh, eight six two one,
         they’ll fix it for you.


      sag blasted newsweek’s
 jacket… (…) …saying “no… casting
     directors don’t typecast…”


         law and order has
    been canceled, anything goes
        people, stock up on

       cans and guns, board up
your doors and windows.. ohhh! ..the
       *show* law and order…


     sheen and gidget are
  coming back, law and order
      might not go away,

          cbs cancels
     “miami medicaid”, “on
      accident it spilled”,

     and some other series
   we all love, or at least have
   heard of… once… or not.


      seventeen thousand
people joined the facebook group
       “save law & order”

     (which is clearly news-
 worthy; that’s almost one tenth
         the population

     of facebook groups like
    “stop inviting me to your
    stupid facebook groups”)

      and the new “robin
hood” doesn’t steal from the rich
     and give to the poor,

     because, in these hard
  times (for the poor), best not
      to give people ideas.

       however, kids like
  robin hood, so it should sell.
       thanks, universal!


         “lost” finale to
      air in the u.s. and in
     europe, at the *same*

      *time* (thanks to the trans-
       atlantic cable..?) congress
            chastises russia,

             china, mexico,
     spain, and canada for having
         other things to deal

        with besides busting
    down doors of people who use
       file sharing networks


       remember when they
   made that second teen wolf and
          everybody said

       “why? why would you do
that??” well, guess what. they’re going
        to re-make teen wolf.


            both faces agree,
    let’s merge. in other news, the
         euro’s weak. and stuff.


         “afl-cio” (that’s three
        syllables in this context)
           “president, mister

         trumka, what do you
       think of the sag and aftra
       merge?” trumka replies:

        “don’t you think that’s a
    nice shade of beige?” gazing at
       the wall. “well.. yes,” the

            media replies,
      “but why are you evading
       the question?” to which

      trumka replies “well
 that’s all the time we have for
   questions, thank you all.”


       if you find yourself
    arguing with a loved one
        about whether to

       see prince of persia
     or sex and the city, you
          are a statistic.

        studios are all
      converting to 3d, so
         as horrifying

         as it is watching
your kids with the glowing screen
         all day, enjoy it

     while it lasts cause the
  grandkids will be up all night
       lurching around in

  dark rooms breaking things
  saying, “go away! i’m trying
      to slay the dragon!”


    youtube’s “got backup”
    in the fight with viacom
        and it’s cousins,

     hope someone does a
  great cartoon depicting that
     ‘cause i’m too lazy to


          families across
          america, after a
    brief discussion, shrugged

      “i guess we could see
  shrek,”..but then decided not
          to see a movie.

       how jeff bewkes is
 changing time-warner: “when i
     was young, i was not

    jewish..” gee, that sounds
     like quite an interesting
        article. skipped it.


         in the seventies
      it became popular in
           cinema to be

    with the indie underdog,
       proudly displaying

      its logos, meanwhile
    toning down references
    to the more mainstream

         popular things.
   like sag, for example. and
      they’re just noticing.

        it’s official: joint
meetings commence in two weeks.
           (is it sativa?)


         equity, like the
  ghost of morrison still strung
       out in the desert,

   shouts: “i’m okay!
  guys. it’s wearing off.. i can
    see, sort of.. ..hello?”


     sumner redstone has
 become what rupert murdock
       used to be before

      he started dating
    that hippi girl. viacom
     has defined “selling

      out” in a message
   sent to all its employees:
        basically, think

   tom cruise in “the firm”.
    i’m tellin’ ya, it’s up to
     us to take the power

   away from these giants,
 at least murdock had a goal,
       viacom just feeds

     people the tooth rot
 brain candy they crave, i sure
      hope we all evolve.


  there’s two ways i could
 write this, so i’ll do both. so
   here goes the first one:

     at congress hearing,
    comcast-universal deal
*slammed*, called “plantation”,

       outed for bribing,
   and being the biggest and
     worse merger *ever*!


     okay, now for the
second one… that wasn’t our

     it was joe shmoes like
us talking *to* congress. that,
          and even if it

 *had* been congress that
wouldn’t mean anything since
        it’s the f.c.c.

   that makes the call, and
    they have a history of
         not actually

    preventing the air
waves from being dominated
      by the rich and

      powerful few, as
 long as they get a cut. now
     pretend you didn’t

      hear any of the
second part of that, and let’s
     keep celebrating:



       if you love disney,
     and are neutral about
   jim henson, great news!

   they’re making a new
  muppet movie. (i, for one,
   love jim, but not walt)

        and an insiders
   look into indie film: bob
  scratches himself, whilest

     larry picks his nose,
  says “i forgot the cam’ra”
   and then they get high.

         (personally, i’ve
     seen classier filmmaking
        with zero budget)


     mall surveys all say:
 remake “goonies”. people will
      complain about it,

     but then they’ll see it
 anyway. meanwhile, someone,
    somewhere, has a new

        idea. good luck!
wrong decade, though, i’m afraid.
      try writing a novel..

       “pirate party” to
team up with greens to write “bill
     of rights” for the net.

         (might be easier
   to write a bill of wrongs, but
      good luck enforcing it)


       the press is flooded
   with miramax rumors. who
    cares? well.. you, if you

          get residuals
    from anything miramax.
     so far, though, nothing

           has actually
  happened, so.. not to worry.
     i’ll keep you posted.


     they approved the box-
 office futures?! oh man, that’s
    priceless… like the sands

         of the hourglass,
  so’s the great kafka-youtube
       truman-show of the

       robotic advertizing
    junk-bonds of our lives…


      the stocks going down,
 click the ad! click the ad!’s
     not working? well, uh..

          mask the i.p. then
click it some more! we’ll save the
           economy yet!

     (no news, really. ‘xept
    murdock just ate another
     big piece of the world)


          3d bottleneck
  at box office (who cares what
    it means? great headline!)


       no news today, have
   a great weekend everyone!
        talk to ya monday..


       f.c.c. asks: “should
   we try to keep competition
     alive? i mean, we’ve

       failed you all so far,
        so egregiously, so
         flagrantly, over

     the decades, such that
  the whole purpose our being
    has become moot: four

      guys own all the air
waves, websites, billboards, tv’s,
       satellites, papers,

      and so on – so why
  keep nagging us to stop it?
  we can’t, they’re too strong,

        and, after all, they
line our pockets and, well, we’re
      in bed with them, and

     we always have been.
can’t we just keep with the bad-
  words thing and that’s it?”

         dear the f.c.c..
  yes, we’re all in agreement.
        just kill yourself.


     a whole new, and nice-
   lookin’, professional form
          of piracy, in

        3d if you’d like,
      and looks so nice kfc
     and netflix gave them

    ad space, based in those
   naughty places like russia,
         columbia, and

    germany. streams right
   to your tv! and when they
     bust you, you can say

     “we didn’t know” and
 they’ll believe you! (i’m out a
    few days, see you mon.!)


     it looks like they might
   ban horse-n-buggy – i mean
         box-office futures

        trading after all,
    thanks to a very cautious
         mpaa (whew!)


        people are a bit
     more aware than usual
      of the odd turns of

       history which made
    it okay (“legal”?) for kids
        to endure trauma

         of various kinds
    under a spotlight, and on
    billboards, for years – yet

          it’s illegal (and
wrong?) for them to sew things for
     a living …weird, huh?

        republican state
      of california to make
         reagan holiday

      “you know he once led
the screen actors guild quite well”
      someone points out, to

     which cartoon-bad-guy
     anthony adams replies,
       “nobody’s perfect”


       in sag and do voice-
    over? call sag foundation,
   there’s this great new thing.

      world cup didn’t hurt
    box office as much as they
    thought it would (the last

      time they had one, fans
  couldn’t watch it on their droids
        while in the theater)

          cabret: not a re-
     make of cabaret. i know,
     i thought the same thing.


     feds don black suits, dark
  glasses, and raid (send strongly
        worded emails) and

   *shut down* nine of those
new pirate sites (who will now have
       to find new servers).

          u.s. attorney
     bharara says the pirates’
      stories “will not have

         a happy ending,”
   (to which the haikuist giggles,
       but doesn’t comment)


         there sure is a lot
of news on some days when there’s
        no news at all.. the

        highlight, i suppose,
     is mgm pleading “please
        don’t eat us!” again


        fox writes f.c.c.:
  “we’re tired of you badgering
      us for our lewdness”

         f.c.c. writes back:
“yeah?!? well we’re tired of you and
      your flagrant breaking

          of every word of
      the communications act
               of 1934

       and we *demand* in
     the name of the people of
       this country that you

       cease and desist, sell
         off 85% of your
          media empire

          or we will divide
     you into five like standard
       oil, or shut you down

         forever. no, we
  do not need your bribe money,
     rupert. you’re finished!

       caput! done! out of
    business! hung out to dry!
 canned!” (well… one can dream…)


         “billionaire tutor
    ‘one step closer’ to building
         a future.” well, if

         he can *almost* do
   it, the rest of us are screwed!
      who’s writing this stuff??


             dtv (that is,
       tv broadcasted to your
         phone directly) put

   on ice for another year.
 free, or paid? seems a silly
  question since the whole

   playing field’s changing
 so fast. i’d say, if there’s d-
     tivo involved, paid.


        it’s all about the
   l.a. times today! firstly,
           an article on

      movies about kids
leaving home for the big world
      and the emotions

    these movies trigger.
 reads like a seventh grader’s
     essay got published.

        but, a brilliant
   article, in the same rag,
      about “inception”

      and warner going
  out on a limb and making
     a movie that’s not

     a remake, sequel,
comic book, or some eighties
    nostalgia – could it

      be we’re finally
   moving out of this awful
    conservative rut?!?


       more on f.c.c.
  and comcast. skip it, it’ll
    only frustrate you.

         instead, lets pick on
          the daily variety’s
            headline: “fox

           offers traditional
fall schedule” - those guys need some-
         thing to write about.


          mgm gets sixth
       debt extension. (if only
        human beings were

            treated as well as
     billionaires banks and metro
           goldwyn mayer inc)


          box office futures
       trading officially nixed
           outside of vegas

           (variety seems
     vaguely sad about it, which
      means it’s a good thing)

       (oh and *love* this head-
   line: “…daytime soaps circle the
        drain…” as it should be!)


      teamster transports may
   strike (and in *that* union tom
         hanks taking out ads

        on the backs of rags
     doesn’t change their minds).


          fx to air “salt”
      late 2012 (yet another
          example of big

             media using
    jolie to distract us from the
         mayan apocalypse)


          “california told
     to reduce runaway pro-
        duction.” says dv.

   (told by whom? some group.
why? production’s decreased. why?
        too expensive here.

       solution? tax breaks
   for producers shooting here.
       and that will make it

      cheaper than eastern
  europe, new zealand, and new
      mexico? well… no…)


          variety points
       out the absurdity of
         having only one

    word for “blogger” when
    there are clearly so many
        different kinds of

       “bloggers” (“érōs”,
      “agápē”, “philía”, and
    “storgē”, to name a few..)


         comcast nbc
     merger approved by a
      house democrat in

          an elaborate,
    but effective, ploy to get
         the haikuist to

     throw up his hands and
      give up any remaining
      shred of hope that our

    government might could
     actually do something
    useful someday. (sigh…)

          his caveat, to
  gain support from half awake
       dimwits nodding at

       their tv’s, was that
the viewers should have the same
            quality tv

   they’ve grown accustomed
   to. seriously. that’s what’s
         going on today.


         after everyone
just mortgaged the souls of their
       unborn children to

         afford 3d tech,
    we fickle moviegoers just
       aren’t that into it.

      time warner resolved
    the paradox: ever notice
       how you can’t get it

       to stop at the right
place and you go back and forth
      trying to skip the ad

     without skipping the
show? well, time warner has just
      saved advertizing.


       time warner (what a
       clever little corporate
      demon, aww… so cute)

       wants to determine
      exactly what the value
            of mgm is

       (but who could put a
      price on that lion in the
      oval archway… thing?)


       google writes seven
     page proposal laying the
       foundation for what

     our great grandchildrens’
brainchip-world will look like.. you
       don’t get a vote, but

         don’t worry.. the
        f.c.c. is looking out
      for our best interests..


      newspapers split on
    whether hollywood is split
      or not on the whole

           f.c.c. and net
    neutrality thing. but they
      all don’t like pirates.

         mgm chooses
   spyglass to have honor of
         eating mgm

     (“why?” asks a creepy
  german want ad. i, for one,
     do not want to know)


    sag’s “please don’t call it
a ‘gee where’d that huge pile of
 cash come from’ case, ‘cause

     we’ve been pretty up
    front about it piling up
    over here” case closed


        uk government
       tells ukfc to stop
     scaremongering and

    get back to what they
  were meant to do: to unite
     all the fried chicken


        ernest borgnine
gets screen actors guild lifetime
      achievement award


          the variety
 needs to look up the meaning
   of the word “nix” cause

   one needs to have some
    kind of veto power in
        order to do it

       really, it’s like a
  news piece about a closing
      argument titled:

    “verdict found, larry’s
  guilty” when the jury’s still
    out; it’s just not news


      doug mcintyre, in
     his article about the
       safety of actors

    at award shows, ends
   with a non sequitur rant
         about illegal

        aliens crashing
   the “greatest red carpet
       event of all, the

      united states” (yet
 neither doug nor dave will be
       fired because the

         variety does
    not enforce any kind of
      quality standards)


      apple close to a deal
with disney, thus bringing down
     tim burton’s coolness

       factor another
  couple of notches… (itunes
        to stream abc)


      ex disney head guy
  eisner applies for head guy
       job at tribune co.

      (where they could really
        use a micromanager
          with experience

         turning studios into
  soul-less companies which crank
         out box-office flops)


     stan brooks “fires back” in
       dave mcnary’s exciting
          new article… his

      weapon?! “i don’t have
     enough money to pay the
      residuals i owe…” ohhh

         snappp! he totally
 just told those unions where they
  can shove it! daaaaang! …pow!


          michael riley is
   now the already been chewed
         family president


        amazon wakes up,
says “what? ..who??”, and turns into
          another netflix.

         ever drive like a
       maniac to try to snap
          a photo to sell

              to celebrity
    gossip rags? you could go to
         jail! as of tuesday!

         (should deter any
    paparazzis who aren’t some
       kind of thrill seekers)


        labor day weekend:
     3 films coming out, all of
     them showing their ****

          f.c.c. says’ “all
     options still on the table”
       (power$ are winning)


           unions utilize
    twitter to promote unions,
         so says the paper

        (for those still using
     the telegraph: did you get
      my text message *stop*)


          newer articles
     about different twittering
        in today’s papers.

          google ceo,
  nicknamed “antichrist” (by me)
         to offer, in his

      worldwide internet tv
        for everyone in

       the world! (then, even
   the starving can watch movies
        of the grain we burn

       rather than give them,
since wheat doesn’t come with built-
           in verizon ads)


      suffice to say the
people who work for the ones
     who didn’t like the

       deal they got didn’t
like the deal they got and that’s
        ‘bout all i can say.

      in other news, the
     haikuist really didn’t
      intend to come off

      as “scathing” or as
  “venomous” or as “mister
     grumpy” yesterday,

        only to keep on
pointing where he feels more of
     us should be looking.

    (perhaps then, one day,
the world will have some basics,
    and not just more porn)


   facebook gets more hits
than google. (but google makes
      a lot more money)


      sag and aftra have
 decided what they’re going to
    ask for, but they aren’t

        telling anyone.
  (which is a better plan than
    last year’s cluster-love)


        bbc staff strikes
over pension. (guess that stuff
    still works over there.)

      sag agrees to have
    foreign levies audited.
     (sounds kinda dirty.)


      jar jar, and all the
   rest of the senate, rally
     behind palpatine’s

   bill, which is purportedly
      designed to protect

      entertainers from
 being seen or heard for free,
    without commercials.


        richard verrier
must be new. that or they told
     him to scare people.

       so, not to worry,
aftra’s reps aren’t going to go
    on strike. settle down.


     dayan, teamster, felt
  aftra’s management tactic
     yesterday was quite

        unbecoming of
     a union. (naivety, or


         the hobbit, in the
     tradition of all three lord
        of the rings movies,

          to go non-union
    in new zealand, only *this*
       time the unions aren’t

      letting their members
      work on it. (…is anyone
        gunna boycott it?)


         “the old lady” that
     britney was talking about
           in “oops i did it

        again” passed away
    at the age of one hundred.
        nothing else is new.


      the rags seem to side
    with the hobbit producers
      against the so-called

 demands” of unions, those being:
      pay the actors, and

             also pay into
 their pension and health. oh, and
        fly them all first class.

         australia’s union
     now claiming jurisdiction
      in new zealand, which

        our entertainment
rags seem to think should be framed
          as a hostile act.

      other news also
   predicable, inane, but
      mildly amusing.


    amendment to the
   bill: rather than just

 shutting down sites which
 host copyrighted content,
     they’ll try to also

    adhere to the first
 amendment a bit too, and
   to get warrants first.


     i’ll try to put this
     as delicately as i
   can, since it involves

  some readers of these
 haikus: aftra’s teamsters
     got a better deal

  than sag’s teamers did.
so, needless to say, they are
     not going on strike.

    remember when we
   all used to be able to
   point and laugh at the

    chinese government
   restricting its citizens’
          ability to

  view certain websites?
   well, the u.s. is about
   to do the same thing.


      can hollywood get
   google to support the new
           piracy bill?

      so says the headline.
      if all the studios can
         put verizon just

          a bit higher on
    their ad rotation than the
          other carriers,

     than sure! (keep quiet
what you’re doing, though… pretty
       sure that’s illegal)

        hobbit producers:
what is wrong with you? you have
       hundreds of millions

    to work with and, what?
      you can’t handle dvd
        residuals? can’t

           afford $800
per day per speaking role? well??
   …bunch of cheap bastards…


     for those of you who’re
 already making plans for what
        tv shows to watch

         next february:
    the oscars will depend on
           the nfl. and

       for everyone else:
  congratulations! you’re not a
     complete waste of skin

        (10 minutes later)

           i apologize..
    i didn’t realize that there
          actually were

      such people.. and so…
you’re not a waste of skin. you’re
    awesome. .. okay? (hugs)


        union for actors
   invests time and resources
        on chasing after

         an anonymous
    internet heckler because
       his site was written

         about in a news
      rag. similarly, dentist
       called in sick to stay

        at home trying to
    interpret a dream he had
         about daffodils.

       10-8-10 - 10-18-10

        a new precedent
    is being set down under,
      and it’s a good thing.

        (haikuist returns
 from his weeklong honeymoon
       on oregon coast)


           bbc may face
           %26 funding
      cut (which is why they

     should stop making us
    wait a year and a half for
        dr who episodes)


   you heard it here first:
  new zealand has it under
    control, so feel free

      to accept work on
 the upcoming blockbuster:
    tolken’s “the hobbit”


       cablevision and
 fox lobbying and spreading
     commercials about

    each other, like some
     sick cybernetic alien
        lover’s quarrel

       a lot of people
 are upset that new zealand
    has joined the rest of

  in not standing for actors
       being exploited

     by producers like
they were in hollywood pre-


      l.a. times needed
   to fill space, the article
   not worth mentioning.

    dear warner brothers,
to say: “don’t forget rule one”
      is not a “boycott”

   new zealand “fights like
  hell” (offers tax incentive)
     to keep the hobbit.

         and variety’s
     “insiders” say it’ll be
     shot in new zealand


       dave mcnary thinks
  it’s odd that sag hasn’t told
      anyone what they’re

        talking about in
  their confidential meetings
    which aren’t finished.

      for the rest of the
news, check last week’s haikus,
   and those of last march


      dave mcnary heard
   a new statistic that made
   him write about how sag

        has lost a lot of
    tv shows to aftra two
    years ago. news? no.

     warner brothers are
shaking down new zealand for
  more tax cuts. ..gangsters

     writers guild plans to
 be tough. after last time, we
     know they’re serious.

   now lionsgate wants
mgm. makes sense, what with
     the lion and all.


     no more hobbit news
    for a while: it’s official,
       to shoot in new z

    “youview” jumps on the
“burst? hell no, this bubble’s just
     gettin’ started!” train


           an article in
     the hollywood reporter
       glorifies child labor

       seventeen percent
   of fox’s pod-people woke
   up and stopped watching


         s.c.l. formed, to
       gradually re-define
           “society” the

    way sag has with “guild”
 a word which once implied the
      learning of a trade.

    to the composers and the
        lyricists, well done)

    and it seems the whole
 new zealand thing didn’t work
        out in favor of

   after all, they paid warner
        for the privilege

      of castrating their
 own right to demand fair pay
     hopefully they will

       catch the bus to the
      twentieth century by
        the twenty second


    several states realize
 the tax incentives aren’t so
   good in the long term.

        california is
 upset about the sects and
     violins in games

 (say games: “thank you for
   continuing to beat that
      old puritan drum,

      new generations
 would have nothing to rebel
    against without it”)

    "i wouldn't compare
video games to shakespeare,"
      memorable quote


         are shorter


    “we’re not looking to
 replace cable,” google says,
     “we are looking to

      replace the recall
 function of the human brain
   with our hive-mind chip”


    dave mcnary’s friend
(who could be in the meetings
  then breaching the whole

       secrecy thing, or
    could be the janitor in
    the building they’re in,

    or could be the spouse
     or imaginary friend
        of a producer)

   says the meetings could
    be over by friday. (the
      opposite of news)


     dave mcnary’s friend
also talked to “the wrap” who
   then spread same rumor.

    i think they’re bailing
    out mgm now, like so
   many banks (but they’re

    not making them stand
   in line at unemployment
       with all the creepy

    threatening posters of
people who filled out the forms
     wrong going to jail)


     dave mcnary’s leak
  was right! (or it was just a
      wild coincidence)

     you might notice an
 increase in pay next year! (if
   you’re counting pennies)


     one lone voice echoes
a complaint from two years ago,
        on divisiveness

       (like a man waking
   in the night in the eighties
    shouting out: “charlie!”)

          profanity on
     tv has increased sixty
    nine (hee hee) percent,

     and warner brothers
    just ate a british movie
        studio. yummy.


     to be fair, if you’re
  counting sixteen dollar per
    day increments you’ll

     notice the raise, but
we traded the first class flights
     for that. c’est la vie.

     11-11-10 & 11-12-10

         directors likely
   to follow actors lead and
     not rock the net boat.

     in other news, should
    celebrities have to tell
   their real age? (no news)


       if three parties are
  in a meeting, and the news
      says smaller, secret,

    meetings determined
the outcome, but none of the
    three parties confirm,

          by definition
      it is a “conspiracy
      theory” not news.


         electronic arts
    is trying to establish a
        precedent: using

   an athlete’s name and
     likeness in a video
game should be “free speech”

     (if they succeed, all
  that’s left is to expand the
          definition of

           “athlete” to
 include everyone, then make
       all entertainment

       “interactive” and
*poof* no more actors, no more
   contracts: no paychecks)


       the directors and
the producers have begun their
     secret meeting; three

       weeks of media
  speculation. (insights from
    dave mcnary’s friend)

        shining a bandaid
          idea on sexism
        in cartoon movies

        (things like ariel’s
    outfit not looking as good
        on a guy, i guess)

    "watch out google, visa,
  and the domain name system,
        congress has all of

      you in its sights." (isn't
that sweet?? you're just never too
       old to make believe..)


         fbi warnings
now with more substance: if you
     host one of those big

        extravagant sites
 where people download movies,
      look out! the server

   might shut down your site.
  but if you’re on the sly, don’t
     worry too much… yet.

       in other news, more
      sexism: ladies, not to
      worry, thanksgiving’s

       movies are all aimed
at you! ..since we know you’re not
        that into football..


       no news today, just
      repeat-articles about
          the piracy bill


   comcast jumps on the
warner brothers trend: that is,

      talent, in this case
  writers, into working non-
     union, to save cash.

          the mpaa
    is upset about people
      saying the film tax

      incentive might be
    a bad idea (don’t want
      to pay talent, don’t

      want to pay taxes,
don’t what their stuff pirated,
what’s next? free ice cream??)


   “hollywood cares” tax-
    deductible donations
      allowing soldiers

    to phone home for the
holidays. (that’s the nice thing
         about terrible

      circumstances, they
  give hollywood a chance to
     show off its goodness)

     happy thanksgiving!


        warners celebrate
   the harvest: deathly hallows
        doing well (saw it)


        all eighty two of
    your favorite pirate sites
      just got taken down

         the credit union
   has more money than it can
        loan out, so if you

        celebrities can
move your money elsewhere that
   would be great, since the

         interest on loans
  is their source of income (and
       my overdraft fees!!!)

    *** FIVE FULL YEARS ***
    (of sag-in-the-news haiku)


        to sum up, if you’re
using comcast, switch. they charge
       for streaming netflix.


        regarding comcast
         fcc is now saying:
    “blah blah blah, freedom,

          america, blah..
  yes, comcast shouldn’t pick on
        legal streaming like

         netflix – but it can
pick on *all* streaming, and charge
        you more if you use

    more bandwidth by… say…
 streaming netflix.” (but you have
      to squint and read the

     statement three or four
  times before it’s clear that that
      is what they’re saying)


       a group opposing
   comcast-nbc merger mutters
     complaints to brick wall

      time warner scratching
      head, talking to media
       about how they don’t

       think netflix model
 can work in the long term. (nice
         old cable giant,

        always looking out
       for its competitors in
       this changing world)


          the piracy bill
  delayed till next year, since the
       elephants hath said:

       “no bill shalt pass till
      obama lets the rich get
         richer.” childish.

        (if only this news
  paper “racquette” was correct
          in implying it’s

     because of some deep
        ideological thing
       about how the net

      needs to be allowed
to grow wild and free like some
       protected forest)


         new tv contract
    ratified, actors making
     slightly more, airlines

      making slightly less,
   (producers breaking even)
         more for p&h

      dave mcnary asks
   the janitor what’s going
      on with directors,

         janitor replies,
“that’s confidential.. ..why are
    you hiding back there?”


         an article on
   stopping future wikileaks
     with things like code,

        (“the enatersay
 is ncompitentmay”) compares
       forced honesty to

      leaking nuclear
 bombs (just pretend everyone
     but you is psychic)

       viacom remains
  committed to paramount,
    (..touching, isn’t it?)

      and dave mcnary
    outs sag for pulling a
  writers guild type “oops!”


      directors have their
 deal, no one knows what it is,
        but dave mcnary

      has some masterful
    speculation based on a
        lot of statistics.

   words of “wisdom” from
   “fighters of piracy” – (old
     seaboat captains with

     pipes and tattoos and
wise words? no: lawyers talking
       about maintaining

        the old models of
   entertainment in the face
   of a world which has long

   since passed them by) – in
    short, the 3D imax thing
        can’t be pirated.


        okay, here it is:
  directors got the same deal
      the actors got, plus

       directors of high
   budget basic cable shows
    get their own new tier.

        in an age of wiki
     leaks and pirates, FCC
    chairman doesn’t want

           to tell anyone
       his proposed idea of
         “net neutrality”

        ‘cause if it got out,
  it might encourage this plague
          of transparency


      ted johnson thinks we
    don’t “get” piracy, and that
      he does. then he ties

         in wikileaks. the
      problem is diffusion of

     desire not to pay a buck,
       dismissed as a tiny

         part of a greater
      parasitic harm (just like
         driving or buying

         plastic packaging
shipped and trucked passively - nay -
         actively supports,

     in small ways, great harm
    to the earth, just to make a
       few bucks. on second

      thought maybe it’s just
    the opposite of that all that.
        i’m not really sure.)


           a great article
       about the economic
     shell game: “hollywood”

     ballots went out, it’s
 your call.. (the union suggests
   “yes” this time around..)

        the sag charity
auction begins. (oh those guys
      at sag are so nice..)

      and, yes, reagan was
  a snitch - but everyone was
     in those days.. (except,

     of course, for those on
the blacklist; their careers ruined
       by finks like reagan)


tells governments he’s worried
      about proposed deal

      between lex luthor
     and skeletor. (viacom,
         comcast, nbc)

  they’ve just announced: ads
     around LA to promote
          filming in LA

     (to bring in more films
   with ads for ads, as well as
    for films with other ads)


    a voice from yester-
 powers clarifies what should
      be obvious: the

     deal was made out of
  fear, and a desire for things
         to be mellow in

     hollywood, not out
of some courageous desire
    for a strong contract


      the oscars snubs
 sag awards nominates, no
   room in rags for news


    oscars, oscars, sag
awards, oscars, sag awards,
  oscars, oscars, TRON!!!


      of the fcc being
     useful never gets

    old, after all these
 decades. (in other news, a
    moral: if you steal

         a quarter of a
million dollars, you could get
     fired from your job.)


              the fcc hath
    proclaimed: net providers shant
           rip people off for

          watching legal things
       like netflix, unless they be
          proles using wireless.

            MGM, some five
     billion in debt, had bake sales
        and stuff and raised half

             a billion – so all
       is forgiven. (really? that’s
          how that works? can i

          just pay fifteen cents
         and get a grande drip at
      starbucks? that’d be great…)


           (if you’re a papa-
           razzi, or celebrity,
         look up that new law)


            mildly amusing
       drama between lions gate
       and someone named carl

        some things happening
next week, some things haven’t changed.
        (no news is good news.)


        weinstein just ate some
        of starz media, who will
         now distribute them

          mgm lauches
   classic shows (all it’s really
         got going for it)

    comcast now streaming
    sitcoms to tablets, apple
   and android (wait… they’ve

       got android tablets
     already? why haven’t i
     heard about this yet?!)


         is everybody
holding their breath till sag and
  aftra merge? that’s good.

soon we can stream from it while
       it gives us cancer.

       and my beloved
 “youku” has gone hollywood.
      is nothing sacred?

        1-(7,8,9 &)-10-11

      this movie beat that
   movie, awards coming up,
    fox did something (fin)


      sag and aftra have
   have ratified the contract,
     ninety three percent

       voted yes (and the
     other seven didn’t cast
    their vote based on fear).

       nothing left to do
    but start worrying about
     the writers’ contract.


       directors took the
deal, and more old movies are
          on DVD now


      verizon tells the
    FCC that if they don’t
     not allow “people”

       (like verizon) to
 interfere with neutralness,
       that’ll interfere

    with the freedom of
   companies to interfere
  with the net, new things,

    and innovation. the
  the FCC replies: “you’re
  messing with my mind!!”


  today’s news same news
 as march of twenty ten, and
     nineteen fifty four.

        that is, aftra and
sag are ready to merge now…
    ...aaaany minute now


       oedipus rex won
best picture two thousand five
      hundred years ago;

    so, oscars, how will
   history remember two
      thousand eleven?

      for those of you who
stream netflix, and feel you need
        more polygamous

  vampires popping through
  other dimensions, and new
       jersey, as well as

       the kennedys and
   stuff, netflix doing its best
           to get HBO


     sag launches foreign
  royalties tracker (no more
“oops! where’d that huge pile..”)


       when captain picard
      himself says “unity is
    strength” at some award

     show yesterday… well,
  just imagine it. and… there.
    you have today’s news.


        according to the
   hollywood reporter, some
     unknown number of

        either randomly,
     or otherwise, selected
         americans, like

       to watch TV. but
    they have other articles
   that are good sometimes.


       disney profits up
  fifty four percent. why, i
     wonder. end of line.


   youtube soon to start
    hiring celebrities to
  make shows for youtube

      (as a reptile tries
    to devolve into a fish
   and swim back in time)


      the republican
house has blocked the FCC’s
      net neutrality

      (reason being, if
comcast can’t charge extra for
   watching netflix, how

  can they bleed enough
  money out of the people
   to line their pockets

     enough for some of
   that money to trickle on
    down to the people?)


     the unions are all
  rooting for the unions in
   wisconsin these days.

     which of emperor
rupert’s children will rule the
        media empire

  when he dies? (whoever’s
   psycho enough to kill the
      other five, i guess..

        ..what century is
 this again? how much power
    do the murdocks have?)


        imax profits soar
(since they stopped being a kind
         of theatre and

      started selling their
    name to other theatres
    who have a big screen)

         blockbuster is a
 little in debt (are they going
     to bail them out too?)

       studios cranking
out sequels of things that sold,
       faster and faster

      (meanwhile, serious
 filmmakers still have youtube
     to distribute through)


         oscars coming up.
  they’re saying it’s the “whitest”
        oscars in ten years.


      celebrities shied
   away from talking about
       union issues at

      the oscars (which is
    standard, until jay leno
      starts being a scab).

     scott walker is still
pushing for what the rich guys
    paid him to push for.


        palin’s solution
   for wisconsin: instead of
     unions, we should all

     stand together and
bargain.. for… what on earth is
     she talking about??


      for three dollars, you
can stream batman on facebook
      (which is a brand new

      runner up for the
   “most ridiculous thing in
     the world” award)


       time for wisconsin
  to start drafting fitzgerald-
    walker reports. (then,

      in sixty years, they’ll
wonder… “what’s it mean to get


      my second favorite
 galaxy quest crewman speaks
       out in wisconsin.

     old man paramount
    congratulates itself for
      being hip enough

     (and cheap enough)
   to air their latest movie
      trailer on twitter.


   “we really might merge”
    (and many many other
       syllables as well)


      conservatives in
   the movie industry feel

       against by all the
  california types that seem
     to be in charge here


     today’s news is all
     nudity racism and
    pirates. boring stuff.


        roberta reardon
says: "entertainment and news
         media have a

to something or other (thought
    you could use the laugh)


  the lastest “oops where’d
 that huge pile of money go”
      doesn’t implicated

       a union! aftra
 is suing morgan chase for
   “losing” three million.


  some ex big wig named
   tutor has been a very
     very naughty boy


   those pesky masses
are playing the free online
  games again… darn it…


      the video on
demand controversy: when
   you save money, we

 don't earn as much as
we would if you wasted it
      all on DVDs


    how will the future
generations know what this
    “decency” thing is

      without FCC’s
  vague “decency rules”?


      the LA times just
realized that others besides
    netfix are streaming


             film activity
 dropped last week (you guys do know
       about passover.. right?)

            a movie screener
        pirate bay uploader was
           busted by the feds

           (how many times i
     gotta tell ya? *kinkos* (…cash
            not atm card…) )


          studios: “so how’s
  business?” v.o.d. streamer: “great!”
        studios: “ great?”

v.o.d. streamer: “…” (shrugs) ..scribes,
  thesps, et all: “so, uhh..”
      studios: “umm… …what?”


       film production’s down,
     employment’s down, viacom
        profits are waaay up -

          figure *that* one out.
       ( is the trickledown theory
           not working or what?

        ..could it have something
       to do with “reruns” moving
            to the internet..? )


            HBO will stream
to your droid soon!’ll laugh, you’ll
         cry.. (all while driving!)


        (here’s your cynical
thought for the day: “ding dong, the
     hydra’s dead… oh wait…”)

        everyone seems to
   be on board (pardon the pun)
          about a merger


         viacom (who made
     all that money the rest of
          the industry lost)

       wants to keep suing
    youtube (to raise money for
     sumner’s new spaceship)

     nielsen is “shocked” the
      number of TV sets per
        home is declining

     (well i’m “shocked” i can’t
      find a decent place to tie
        my horse on wilshire!)


      ernest borgnine reads
   “the rainbow fish” to support
         children’s literacy


    ‘media post’ gets real
   profound redefining the
      word “television”

        for advertisers
 (which really doesn’t help the
     actors.. the writers..)


     google plans to pay
   me to watch a movie on
  my droid phone. (oh, wait..

    they want *us* to pay
*them* to wreck our eyes failing
     to watch a movie??)

         also, mcnary
wonders what the merged union
    is going to be called..

      (aftrasag? no.. that
puts them first.. sagaftra?? no..
    afsatgra? safatrag?!?)


      senate introduces
     bill to expand US law
     to include the world,

        the astral, other
     planets, and any little
      green men in flying

      saucers who might be
  hitting copy/paste on some-
        thing copywritten


        aftra approves the
mission statement of a.a.g.f.a.r.t.s.,
       (or whatever they’re

          going to call it)
    and sag and aftra praise the
     new bill. (praise the bill!)


       central casting says
   “what? we didn’t know it was
         *illegal* saying

        ‘pay me and maybe
  we’ll try to get you some work’
        and then failing to..”


        “it’ll be great! one
    union, standing firm against
       abuse by-“ “will we

      still have our pension?”
“well.. we think so. we’re going to
  figure.. something.. ..umm”


       broadway spiderman
     labeled “a terrible show”
      in more ways than one

        sony in greece and
 japan *hacked* (fun new torrents
        to find on google!)


      central casting stops
 charging to help you find work
     (since that’s “illegal”)

          G8 “expected”
      to strangle internet in
        the name of profit

      one twit company
 bought another (it’s something
   about those phone apps)


      they say the bill will
    only effect sites that give
      out the stuff for free

        and a judge nixes
    the fitgerald-walker law
      in wisconsin. *nice*

       (in other news, the
    haikuist gets his name in
      print: L.A. Times )


       youtube wants to be
  like netflix, and twitter wants
        to be like facebook


            afl-cio to
   host aftra-sag merger talks
     starting in two weeks

      miramax streams on
      love-step-child: hulu

     lobbyists want stiffer
     penalties for all other
      hulu-type websites

      and the hollywood
    reporter just gave away
       a huge secret, so

     here it goes: sharing
  your netflix password is not
       illegal yet. DOH!


      directors’, writers’,
  and actors’ guilds (and aftra)
       join the first lady

         in an effort to..
(wow! that’s great! government of
       for and by people..) make a tv show
    about military families.
 (oh. well.. gee, that’s.. weird..)

     a judge rules that dish
  should keep giving out disney
     content for free. (nice)


         michelle obama
        is coming to LA to
       promote the use of

        the entertainment
       industry as military


        ken howard going
  for a second term, can’t help
        but wonder if the

         anti-merger types
      will attempt a takeover.
           (i’ve no opinion.)


             verrier, l.a.
times, writes (nineteen day old) news
       (you’ve already heard)

       backstage speculates
      about merger (better ask
         a fortune cookie)

      stunt people want their
        own academy award
          category, (and

         the haikuist seems
        to be the only person
          around willing to

         admit this michelle
        obama thing lately is
           a little creepy)


        how shall we prolong
    the old modes of thinking in
       the midst of progress?

        simple! castrate the
    internet itself – then they’ll
      *have to* pay for things.


          it’s now legal for
     kids to buy violent games
       without their parents’

       permission, a change
      which might actually save
           the economy.

       (there’s still government
     enforced hang-ups about sex
     and naughty words, though)


        murd-corp clarifies:
      “we’re not analyzing stats
           about the races

          of our viewers in
     order to do the ‘right thing’,
        but to make money”

       chris dodd praises france
for their new “three strikes rule”, that
          is – if you download

          movies or music,
      your internet connection
    gets shut off. (praise france!)


          hulu trying to sell
       itself to highest bidder:
       google? yahoo? gates?

          (soon the circle of
           will be absolute)


         several news sources
     just revealed their own total
            ignorance as to

             the definition
of “grass roots”. (well, time to change
            the wiktionary.)


        LA times says that
    union members, including
       actors, firemen, and

    sports players, are being
 locked out of their own unions’

       and the hollywood
  reporter gives us the new link
        for a pirate site:



     trying to get the same
 people who don’t connect their
      hamburgers with the

       slaughter houses or
   the packaging on their crap
       with the landfills to

        connect their saving
five bucks downloading things with
     job loss? man… good luck.


        composers give up
      trying to unionize, the
        producers “will not

  acknowledge” their bargaining
      rights, sighting: “if we

     want to sell brad pitt,
  nobody cares what the sound-
      track is like, or who

          it’s by, or whether
     it’s recycled from another
         movie, so shove off”


         hulu and netflix
    both making their own TV
    shows to stream now (like

         mailmen doubling
   as snail-mail pen-pals to keep
          business going)

      young-talent scammer
      o’brien sentenced to a
      light slap on the hand

      (oh, and the backstage
   “what you need to know about
       joining sag” may not

        include anything
     about whether or not it’s
           a good idea)


        “and the next item
      up for bid – hulu – any-
       one bid a thousand?

    ..eight hundred? you, there,
did you say something?” “why don’t
          you just erase it?”


        sag and aftra meet,
     again, to discuss merging,
         again, and it turns

      out – the whole thing is
      subject to another vote,
     so… who knows? (i don’t)

         comcast allowed to
          take over NBC, as
       long as they’re diverse


          annual labor day
tweet-a-thon, tweet your pride, twit!


         crispen glover has
  beat the pirates: make movies,
        then show them in a

           theatre – never
        put them on DVD or
     on-line. makes sense, no?


       steve jobs: a buddhist
        vegetarian who liked
           lsd. cool guy.


      “grass roots” - adjective
     which denotes an alliance
         between viacom,

        dinsey, warner bros,
  and all the unions. join the man,
        and fight the people!


          a couple of new
    things: michelle obama has
       now started drafting

         celebrities to
     promote the military,
     and some new ads on

       the subway: sex to
sell weight-loss pills, and lies to
    sell fresh bank accounts.


    (do they mean “house of
      representatives” as in
       ..the agency?

   heh. okay, well…) they’ve
  gone and done it. U.S. now
        has “unlimited

          authority” to
block foreign websites from our
         american eyes.

    why, you ask? for the
same reasons the chinese block
  out the world? well… yes.

    (way to go, “grass roots”
corporate western block, they’ve
   all bought it. well played.)

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