Positive Parent Interaction _amp; Dealing with Difficult People

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					 Positive Parent Interaction
Dealing with Difficult People
  (Creating a culture of cooperation
          and collaboration.)
      Presented By Mark Foster
            George Bailey
Talk with the person next to you about
1. What type of person is George Bailey?
2. What happened that caused George to
   react out of character?
3. What are the implications for schools
   when working with parents?
     Home-School Relations (First Generation)

The First Generation:
  In the effective school parents understand
  and support the school’s basic mission and are
  given the opportunity to play an important role
  in helping the school to achieve this mission.
      Home-School Relations (2nd Generation)

During the first generation, the role of parents in
the education of their children was always
somewhat unclear. Schools often gave “lip
service” to having parents more actively involved
in the schooling of their children.
Unfortunately, when pressed, many educators
were willing to admit that they really did not
know how to deal effectively with increased
levels of parent involvement in the schools.
In the second generation, the relationship
between parents and the school must be an
authentic partnership between the school and
home. Many teachers believed that parents, if
they truly valued education, knew how to get
their children to behave in the ways that the
school desired. It is now clear to both teachers
and parents that the parent involvement issue is
not that simple. Parents are often as perplexed
as the teachers about the best way to inspire
students to learn what the school teaches.
The best hope for effectively confronting the
problem—and not each other—is to build
enough trust and enough communication to
realize that both teachers and parents have the
same goal—an effective school and home for
all children!
     Positive Parent Interaction
 Think back to the worst encounter you
  have ever had with a parent?
 Did the parent have horns, a bifurcated
  tail, and a pitchfork?
            Difficult Parents
 The truth is, the difficult parents we all
  have to “deal” or work with look just like
 Have you ever been a difficult person?
 No coffee!!!
 This can make me a very difficult person
  to deal with.
            Difficult People
Trading Cards: Once the music starts you
 will move around the room trading cards.
 When it stops find someone with a card
 that is a different color than yours. While
 the music is playing think back to the
 encounter you pondered a moment ago.
    Dealing with difficult parents.
 Okay, take a moment and answer these
  questions in response to the difficult
  person you had to deal with.
 Had previous encounters been used to
  build trust, rapport, and respect?
 How did you feel?
 How do you think the parent felt?
    Dealing with Difficult Parents
 How did the situation turn out? (Was it a
  win/win, win/lose, lose/win, or lose/lose?)
 What did you learn from the situation?
 What, if anything, would you (did you) do
  differently after that encounter?

 A planned meeting.
 A spontaneous meeting.
 An ambush!
        People we encounter
 Great parents having a bad day.
 Over-protective parents who enable their
 Parents with no skills.
 Parents going through tragedy.
 Parents with substance abuse issues.
 Bad parents, abusive parents, and nuts.
      Communicative Intelligence

   It is very important and helpful to get to
    know the difficult parents we work with.
    Knowing what motivates them, what their
    needs are, and what their goals are can
    be very beneficial in helping build positive
      Characteristics/Variables of
            Difficult People
   Personality: the collection of emotional
    and behavioral traits that characterize a
     Kahler’s Six Personality Types
 (From Kahler, T. (1982). Personality pattern inventory validation studies. Little Rock, AR: Kahler
          Communications, Inc., and Kahler, T. (1996) Personality Pattern Inventory.

 Reactor
 Workaholic
 Persister
 Dreamer
 Rebel
 Promoter
              Personality Types
Type         Character Strengths                Perception
Reactor      compassionate, sensitive, warm     Emotions
Workaholic responsible, logical, organized      Thoughts
Persister conscientious, dedicated, observant   Opinions
Dreamer      reflective, imaginative, calm      Inaction
Rebel        creative, spontaneous, playful     Reactions
Promoter resourceful, adaptable, charming       Actions
Motivational Needs of Personality
Type                Needs Recognition
Reactor      of person/sensory stimulation
Workaholic   for ability to think clearly, work time structure
Persister    for work, convictions, and commitment
Dreamer      (solitude)
Rebel        (playful contact)
Promoter     (incidence, excitement)
         Placemat Consensus
 Okay, everyone get into groups of four
  (each color should be represented).
 In working with difficult people, what are
  positive absolutes (necessary to effectively
  work with difficult people)?
          Placemat Consensus
   Okay, now brainstorm negative absolutes
    (what things cannot be present because
    they hinder collaboration and successful
    resolution of conflict)?
          The LAST Principle:
 Listen: to pay attention in order to hear.
 Hear: to gain knowledge of by hearing, to
  heed, to learn, to attend to.
 It is very difficult to really listen when
  thinking about your next verbal flurry
  (Real men learn to listen.)
 Apoligize: to express regret.
 Empathize: to experience as one’s own
  the feelings of another.
 (Empathy defuses very volatile situations,
  but doesn’t necessarily mean concession.)
 Solve: to find an answer for or solution to.
 It doesn’t mean they are always going to
  like it!
 Thank: to express gratitude; conscious of
  benefit received.
 Must be genuine. Don’t patronize! You
  can get better at this with practice.
          Enough is Enough
 You don’t have to put up with abuse in
  any situation. If the person you are
  dealing with is vulgar, threatening, loud,
  in need of deodorant or belligerent, calmly
  let them know that the meeting is over
  and thank them for coming.
 Okay, just kidding about the deodorant,
  but how many of you can relate?
            Developing Self
 It is very important to interact and
  communicate intelligently with parents in
  order to build a positive relationship.
 It is equally important to meta-cognitively
  prepare ourselves for interactions with
  parents, students, colleagues, and
        The Four Agreements
 1. Be Impeccable With Your Word.
 (Never promise things you cannot deliver;
  when something happens that doesn’t
  allow you to keep your word, apologize
  ahead of time.)
 Being impeccable with your word builds
        The Four Agreements
 2. Don’t take things personally.
 (Know who you are, what you believe,
  and be strong.)
 When people start taking things personally
  it breeds paranoia.
 Rude, inconsiderate people who say mean
  things are speaking of themselves not
        The Four Agreements
 3. Don’t make assumptions.
 (Perception becomes reality.)
 Always try to give others the benefit of
  the doubt.
 We operate on paradigms in a world that
  breaks paradigms everyday.
       The Four Agreements
 4. Always do your best.
 (We can always do our best. Our best
  looks different from day to day.)
 When we do our best our good starts
  becoming great.
           Johnny the Bagger
                Works Cited
 Lezotte, Lawrence W. Correlates of Effective
  Schools: The First and Second Generation.
  Effective Schools Product ltd., Okemos, MI,
 Ruiz, Don Miguel. The Four Agreements: A
  Toltec Wisdom Book. Amber-Allen Publishing,
  Inc., San Rafael, CA, 1997.

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