Divorce or Not to Divorce by cKJ3212f


									How to Deal with a Divorce Decision not Agreed Upon by Both Parties

You want a divorce in Huntsville, Decatur, Athens, or another North Alabama area, but your
spouse does not.

Are you emotionally agonizing over the decision to pursue a divorce or to remain married? The
decision to divorce is critical—connected to consequences that can last a lifetime. If you are
experiencing marital problems, below are questions that Charlotte Christian of The Charlotte
Christian Family Law Group suggests that you should ask yourself before you file for divorce.

Go over these questions together--as a married couple. Should you decide divorce is the answer
for you, at least your spouse will not be completely unaware of your discontentment and will
recognize your sentiments.

       1. Do you still have feelings for your spouse?

Have your feelings toward your spouse ended, or are you feeling powerless over unforeseen
tribulations in the marriage? If you are contemplating divorce, you are probably experiencing a
lack of emotional closeness with your spouse. However, if you still possess feelings of love and
affection for your spouse, then you should exert some efforts on strengthening the relationship
before deciding on divorce.

You do not want to get caught up in the emotions of a situation like divorce and then realize you
have made a mistake too late. If any love still survives within the marriage, you should seek
professional assistance from a marriage therapist to eliminate suffering feelings of loss after an
unnecessary divorce.

       2. Did your spouse and you actually ever have a marriage based on love and equality?

If your marriage has never been more than a union of two people living together and getting their
own personal needs met, then divorce may be the answer. Marriage is a union of two people who
work for the best interests of the relationship. Married couples work together for the good of the
relationship. If that is not the case for your spouse and you, then the marriage is only two people
fighting for their own selfish wants. Therefore, now would be the appropriate time for the two of
you either to commit to changing the dynamics of the relationship or to end the marriage through
divorce proceedings.

       3. Do you actually want a divorce or is your proposal simply a threat?

Are you angry at your spouse and threatening divorce out of frustration over the troubles in the
marriage? Do you use intimidations of divorce to acquire your way or as a means of having
control over your spouse? Are you frustrated and sense that threatening divorce will finally get
your spouse’s attention, and then he or she will take you seriously? If you are looking for
solutions to your marital problems, threatening divorce will not direct you to your goal. You
need professional marriage counseling. If you sincerely know that divorce is your ultimate goal,
then take the mature step toward that direction.
       4. Is your decision to divorce based on emotional reaction or true self-awareness?

If you are ready for divorce, you must give up any emotional attachments you have to your
spouse. During your discussions concerning divorce with your spouse, you will encounter both
positive (often emotional) and negative feelings that routinely surface during marital conflicts.
Deciding on divorce at a time when you are overwhelmed with emotions will not solve
problems. Likewise, making threats and acting under emotional impulses will only spawn
problems and multiple any hurt and frustration you may be sensing.

Unless you can look at your spouse as an individual who deserves your respect, even during the
divorce process, you are asking for conflict. If you cannot behave in a mature manner, the
divorce process will be challenging with frustration, anger and distrust of the motives of your

       5. What is motivating you to divorce?

Are you hoping that a divorce will mean your spouse will start treating you better? Are you
hoping that he or she will realize what might be lost and make the changes you desire? If those
are your thoughts, you are divorcing for the wrong reasons. Divorce promotes conflict, not

Simply, a divorce will end your marriage and divide your family. If you want a change in the
personal status between your spouse and you, divorce is not the right path to take. Keep in mind
that once you have divorced, your spouse is free to form emotional attachments to others. If that
reality is painful, think twice before making a decision to follow through with your strategy for

       6. Have you thought about the negative aftermaths of divorce?

Divorce can mean a loss of dreams and aspirations. Even if you are positive divorce is the right
direction, you need a support system in place to help you deal with the stress associated with
divorce. That support system should include friends and family members who can assist you
both physically and emotionally.

You need to be able to face your children and to assist them with their pain connected to the
divorce. In essence, if you are the one pursuing the divorce, you will have to deal with the pain
of others. However, do not allow guilt over desiring a divorce keep you from helping others who
are hurt cope with the situation.

       7. Will you be able to act in a mature way after the divorce?

Your attitude will determine the quality of life you will experience after the divorce. Will you be
strong, accept responsibility and relinquish any anger and resentment—or will you remain bitter
and resentful? You cannot see yourself as the “victim”; instead, see yourself as the “survivor.”
The approach you decide to take after the divorce will determine, not only the kind of divorce
you have but also the quality of life you have afterwards.

If you live in the Northeast Alabama area, have seriously evaluated the reasons you desire a
divorce, and completely feel that divorce is what you desire, feel free to contact The Charlotte
Christian Family Law Group for assistance.

Please visit our website at www.northalabamadivorce.com and download our FREE book, The
Six Biggest Mistakes Most People Make When Filing for Divorce, or call us today at 256-233-
2114 for an appointment to ensure a brighter future for your family and you.

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