How to Deal with a Divorce Decision not Agreed Upon by Both Parties You want a divorce in Huntsville, Decatur, Athens, or another North Alabama area, but your spouse does not. Are you emotionally agonizing over the decision to pursue a divorce or to remain married? The decision to divorce is critical—connected to consequences that can last a lifetime. If you are experiencing marital problems, below are questions that Charlotte Christian of The Charlotte Christian Family Law Group suggests that you should ask yourself before you file for divorce. Go over these questions together--as a married couple. Should you decide divorce is the answer for you, at least your spouse will not be completely unaware of your discontentment and will recognize your sentiments. 1. Do you still have feelings for your spouse? Have your feelings toward your spouse ended, or are you feeling powerless over unforeseen tribulations in the marriage? If you are contemplating divorce, you are probably experiencing a lack of emotional closeness with your spouse. However, if you still possess feelings of love and affection for your spouse, then you should exert some efforts on strengthening the relationship before deciding on divorce. You do not want to get caught up in the emotions of a situation like divorce and then realize you have made a mistake too late. If any love still survives within the marriage, you should seek professional assistance from a marriage therapist to eliminate suffering feelings of loss after an unnecessary divorce. 2. Did your spouse and you actually ever have a marriage based on love and equality? If your marriage has never been more than a union of two people living together and getting their own personal needs met, then divorce may be the answer. Marriage is a union of two people who work for the best interests of the relationship. Married couples work together for the good of the relationship. If that is not the case for your spouse and you, then the marriage is only two people fighting for their own selfish wants. Therefore, now would be the appropriate time for the two of you either to commit to changing the dynamics of the relationship or to end the marriage through divorce proceedings. 3. Do you actually want a divorce or is your proposal simply a threat? Are you angry at your spouse and threatening divorce out of frustration over the troubles in the marriage? Do you use intimidations of divorce to acquire your way or as a means of having control over your spouse? Are you frustrated and sense that threatening divorce will finally get your spouse’s attention, and then he or she will take you seriously? If you are looking for solutions to your marital problems, threatening divorce will not direct you to your goal. You need professional marriage counseling. If you sincerely know that divorce is your ultimate goal, then take the mature step toward that direction. 4. Is your decision to divorce based on emotional reaction or true self-awareness? If you are ready for divorce, you must give up any emotional attachments you have to your spouse. During your discussions concerning divorce with your spouse, you will encounter both positive (often emotional) and negative feelings that routinely surface during marital conflicts. Deciding on divorce at a time when you are overwhelmed with emotions will not solve problems. Likewise, making threats and acting under emotional impulses will only spawn problems and multiple any hurt and frustration you may be sensing. Unless you can look at your spouse as an individual who deserves your respect, even during the divorce process, you are asking for conflict. If you cannot behave in a mature manner, the divorce process will be challenging with frustration, anger and distrust of the motives of your spouse. 5. What is motivating you to divorce? Are you hoping that a divorce will mean your spouse will start treating you better? Are you hoping that he or she will realize what might be lost and make the changes you desire? If those are your thoughts, you are divorcing for the wrong reasons. Divorce promotes conflict, not harmony. Simply, a divorce will end your marriage and divide your family. If you want a change in the personal status between your spouse and you, divorce is not the right path to take. Keep in mind that once you have divorced, your spouse is free to form emotional attachments to others. If that reality is painful, think twice before making a decision to follow through with your strategy for divorce. 6. Have you thought about the negative aftermaths of divorce? Divorce can mean a loss of dreams and aspirations. Even if you are positive divorce is the right direction, you need a support system in place to help you deal with the stress associated with divorce. That support system should include friends and family members who can assist you both physically and emotionally. You need to be able to face your children and to assist them with their pain connected to the divorce. In essence, if you are the one pursuing the divorce, you will have to deal with the pain of others. However, do not allow guilt over desiring a divorce keep you from helping others who are hurt cope with the situation. 7. Will you be able to act in a mature way after the divorce? Your attitude will determine the quality of life you will experience after the divorce. Will you be strong, accept responsibility and relinquish any anger and resentment—or will you remain bitter and resentful? You cannot see yourself as the “victim”; instead, see yourself as the “survivor.” The approach you decide to take after the divorce will determine, not only the kind of divorce you have but also the quality of life you have afterwards. If you live in the Northeast Alabama area, have seriously evaluated the reasons you desire a divorce, and completely feel that divorce is what you desire, feel free to contact The Charlotte Christian Family Law Group for assistance. Please visit our website at www.northalabamadivorce.com and download our FREE book, The Six Biggest Mistakes Most People Make When Filing for Divorce, or call us today at 256-233- 2114 for an appointment to ensure a brighter future for your family and you.
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