PRINTER WARNING!!! This machine is subject to breakdowns during periods of critical need. A special circuit in the machine called a “critical detector” senses the operator’s emotional state in terms of how desperate he or she is to use the machine. The “critical detector” then creates a malfunction proportionate to the desperation of the operator and the present location of the nearest person capable of fixing the machine. Threatening or yelling at the machine will only aggravate the situation and earn you sympathetic looks from your peers. Likewise, attempts to use another machine will undoubtedly cause all other printers on the network to fail. They belong to the same union. Keep calm and say nice things to the machine. Nothing else seems to work. Never let anything mechanical know you are in a hurry.
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