Letting Grow by liaoqinmei

VIEWS: 3 PAGES: 14

									   2012
                                   Letting Grow
                                        From Parenting to Coaching


Time for Change


                        1                                                        2
Identify topics that you need to discuss with your     Identify some of the changes that have already started
student.                                               to occur since high school graduation.

_________________________________________              _________________________________________

_________________________________________              _________________________________________

_________________________________________              _________________________________________

_________________________________________              _________________________________________

_________________________________________              _________________________________________


                        3                                                        4
How do you feel about USF being your student’s home    What will you think/say/do if your student changes in
for the next 4 years?                                  a way you were not expecting?

_________________________________________              _________________________________________

_________________________________________              _________________________________________

_________________________________________              _________________________________________

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                                         USF Family Orientation
First-Year Student Transition Table
First-year students encounter numerous transitions when coming
to college. Here are some of the most common transitions students
will discover in their first semester at USF.

                            High School                                 College/University
                    Teachers are available daily to identify and      Faculty are available during weekly office
   Teacher          assist you when you need help. Teachers will      hours, through e-mail, or by appointment to
                    remind you of assignments and sometimes           address your concerns, but you must take the
 to Student         provide class time for work.                      initiative. Faculty will not remind you about
  Contact                                                             assignments and class time is for lecture, not
                                                                      homework.

                    Good grades may be obtained with minimal          As a student at USF you compete with “the
                    e ort, and competition is limited.                best and the brightest” in the nation. If you
 Academic                                                             make the e ort or take the initiative in seeking
  Success                                                             assistance in college, you are likely to earn good
                                                                      grades and discover unlimited opportunities as
                                                                      a result.

                   You often rely on family members, teachers,        You must rely on your own judgment and
Counseling         and counselors to set boundaries and help you      accept the results of making your own
                   make decisions (i.e. when to complete your         decisions. It is your responsibility to set your
& Guidance         homework or apply for a special opportunity).      own restrictions, know when to seek advice
                                                                      and take the initiative to do so.

                   Motivation to complete work and success often      You must nd motivation within yourself to
Motivation         comes from your teachers and family.               become involved in university life and to excel
                                                                      academically.

                   Freedom is limited, and your family will often     You have more freedom and independence,
  Freedom          help you through a crisis (or even handle it for   and you are faced with accepting responsibility
                   you) should one arise.                             for your own actions.


                   Since your environment is often directed by        More choices are available to you, and you
                   your family members and teachers, distractions     control whether or not these choices become
Distractions       and choices are usually kept in check (i.e. time   distractions. Managing time and setting
                   spent with friends, on Facebook, or playing        priorities are left completely up to you.
                   video games).

                   Your values are often strongly influenced by          rough interaction with others you are
   Value           your family members, teachers, peers, and the      challenged to develop your own perspectives,
Judgments          community (i.e. your views on religion or other    opinions, and values.
                   diversity topics).



Source: Cal Poly San Luis Obispo Parent Handbook, 2004; & University of Nevada, Reno Transitions Book 2006




                                       USF Family Orientation
Coaching Your Student
in the Residential Environment




          Sending your student off to college is filled with a variety of emotions. It can be
          challenging to coach them in resolving their residential concerns instead of handling
          things for them. When your student calls home with a concern, we want you to feel
          prepared in supporting them as they learn to navigate those challenges on their own.
          Below are tips for letting go and letting grow.



Roommate Relationships                                     It will be important to help your student determine
For many students, sharing close quarters is a new         whether a concern rises to the level of an “emergency.”
experience. There will certainly be ups and downs in       In these cases, the following contacts will provide the
that process. Being proactive is one of the best ways to   quickest response:
avoid having small concerns develop into larger ones.
Residents are encouraged to complete a Roommate            Monday - Friday 8 am to 5 pm:
Agreement at the beginning of the semester. When
roommates complete this document together it serves            Housing & Residential Education, Facilities &
as a way to learn to communicate with one another –            Maintenance Office: 813-974-3446
advocating for their own needs while being sensitive
to another’s. When concerns do arise, students should      Weeknights, Weekends, Holidays:
first talk with their roommate. If they need assistance
in navigating these conversations, their next step is to       JPH 24-Hour Desk (for residents of Magnolia,
talk with their Resident Assistant (RA). The RA will           Juniper, and Poplar): 813-974-0800
listen to their concerns and help guide a conversation
between the roommates. If for some reason there is             Holly M 24-Hour Desk (for residents of Andros,
no resolution, the student can seek additional support         Beta, Castor, Cypress, Greek Village, Holly,
from the Residence Life Coordinator (RLC), who is              Kosove, and Maple): 813-974-7000
a full-time professional staff member with a master’s
degree in student development. If a room change is         Our desk staff will contact our on-call professional
necessary, the RLC will assist with this process.          staff member who will facilitate a response from our 24
                                                           hour on call maintenance staff as appropriate.
Facility Responsibilities
If you student has a facility concern, the quickest and
most efficient way for them to have this addressed
is to submit a work request through the on-line
system at http://www.housing.usf.edu/housingapps/
schooldude/. This system automatically routes the
request to the appropriate maintenance technician. A
technician will typically respond the same day.




                                             USF Family Orientation
“I Can’t Locate My Student”                                  Concerns You Want to Share

Occasionally we receive calls because a parent is unable     Occasionally family members will want to share with
to contact their student and wishes to have our staff do a   us information about their student including health
“wellness check.” Our procedure in this case is to go to     concerns or special needs. We encourage students to
the resident’s room and enter the room if the student is     practice self-advocacy and speak with their RLC and/
not there. If the student is located, we will ask him/her    or RA as appropriate about these concerns. If you are
to contact you immediately. If he/she is not there, we       interested in speaking with us directly, we encourage
will leave a note asking the student to contact you and      you to contact the appropriate RLC for the building
will follow our procedures regarding missing students        in which your student resides. All RLCs are listed by
in the residence halls. This will include contacting the     building on our website at: http://www.housing.usf.
USF Police Department if the student has not been            edu/contactus.html.
seen and cannot be located.

If you are in need of assistance in contacting your          Move-in Logistics
student, please use the following contact information:
                                                             As you and your student prepare for move-in day, you
Monday - Friday 8 am to 5 pm:                                both will have lots of questions regarding what to bring,
                                                             what the move-in process will be like, etc. To get started
    Housing & Residential Education Central Office:          with your planning, please visit the move-in pages of
    813-974-0001                                             our website at: www.housing.usf.edu/move-in.html.
                                                             Additional move-in details for fall will be mailed to the
Weeknights, Weekends, Holidays:                              student around the first week of July. As a reminder,
                                                             opening for Summer B housing begins on June 22 or
    JPH 24-Hour Desk (for residents of Magnolia,             on the date your student has received from any special
    Juniper, and Poplar): 813-974-0800                       program in which they are involved. The Fall 2012
                                                             Grand Opening is August 22nd at 10 am in the MSC
    Holly M 24-Hour Desk (for residents of Andros,           Ballroom. If you have housing related questions this
    Beta, Castor, Cypress, Greek Village, Holly,             summer you can speak with a Residential Outreach
    Kosove, and Maple): 813-974-7000                         Coordinator Monday - Friday between the hours of
                                                             10 am and 7 pm.




                                      Opening Day Fall 2012
                                       August 22 at 10 am
                                         MSC Ballroom

                                               USF Family Orientation
Rules of the Game
That every coach needs to know




Rule #1: Don’t ask them if they’re homesick.                Rule #6: Visit (but not too often).
The power of suggestion can be a dangerous thing.           Visits by family members (especially when accompanied
                                                            by shopping sprees and/or dinners out) are another part
Rule #2: Write (even if they don’t write back).             of the college experience that students are reluctant to
You don’t have to be Hemingway. Quick notes                 admit liking but would appreciate greatly. Remember
containing family news are great. If you suffer from        to call first, and have your student plan the visit. You’ll
severe writer’s block, get your student a subscription      learn more about your student’s new lifestyle.
to the hometown newspaper. There’s nothing more
depressing for students than an empty mailbox or            Rule #7: Don’t tell your students that “These are the
e-mail inbox.                                               best years of their lives.”
                                                            Family members that perpetuate and insist upon
Rule #3: Ask questions (but not too many).                  the “best years” stereotype are working against their
College students are “cool” (or so they think) and have     student’s already difficult self-development. Those
a tendency to resent interference with their newfound       that accept and understand the highs and lows of
lifestyle, but most still desire the security of knowing    their student’s reality are providing the support and
that someone is interested in them.                         encouragement where and when it’s needed most.

Rule #4: Expect change (but not too much).                  Rule #8: Trust them.
Your student will change (either drastically within the     One of the most important things my mom ever wrote
first few months, slowly over four years, or somewhere      me in four years at college was this: “I love you and
in between that pace). It’s natural, inevitable, and it     want for you all the things that make you the happiest;
can be inspiring and beautiful. Often, it’s a pain in the   and I guess you, not I, are the one who knows best
neck. Be patient.                                           what those things are.” She wrote that during my
                                                            senior year. If you’re smart, you’ll believe it, mean it,
Rule #5: Don’t worry (too much) about emotional             and say it now.
phone calls.
Be patient with those nothing-is-going-right-I-hate-        Source: University of Kentucky. (2010). Insider’s Guide, A Helpful
this-place-Why-did-you-send-me-here phone calls.            Handbook for New UK Parents, no 16. (pp. 30). Lexington, KY:
Often when trouble becomes too much for a first-year        University of Kentucky.
student to handle (a flunked test, ended relationship,
and shrunken t-shirt all in one day), the only place
to turn, write, or dial is home. Often, unfortunately,
this is the only time the urge to communicate is felt
strongly, so you never get to hear about the “A” paper,
the great date, or domestic triumph. In these “crisis”
times your student can upload trouble or tears and then
return to the daily routine while you inherit burden
or worry. You’re providing a real service as an advice
dispenser, sympathetic ear, or punching bag. Granted,
it’s a service that makes you feel lousy, but it works
wonders for a frustrated student.



                                              USF Family Orientation
Time for Practice




Scenario 1 - Student Believes Professor is Unfair?
Topic addressed = Academic Rigor / Academic & Social Balance
        Your son lets it slip that he received a “D” on his test for one of his courses. He promises that the grade is one
        of several and he will work harder in this class. After further discussion with your son, you find out that the
        professor made a comment in class about his not keeping up with the reading material. After some pushing
        from you, your son reluctantly admitted that when he was called on in class he could not add to the discussion
        because he had not read the assignment. He promises it was an accident and that his grades are “OK.”
        You begin to reflect on the previous conversations with your son when he has mentioned all of the friends,
        organizations and late night events he has been attending. How do you feel? What are your immediate
        concerns? What, if anything, do you say/do? What open-ended questions might you ask?


        ______________________________________________________________________________

        ______________________________________________________________________________

        ______________________________________________________________________________

        ______________________________________________________________________________


Scenario 2 – Trouble with Campus Living? Residential
Topics addressed = New Living Environment
        Your daughter calls one night extremely frustrated with her suitemates. The bathroom is filthy. One of her
        roommates has her boyfriend spending the night at least twice a week, and she can’t study in her room because
        of the loud music next door. She is unhappy and doesn’t know what to do. How do you feel? What are your
        immediate concerns? What, if anything, do you say/do? What open-ended questions might you ask? What
        resources might you reference?


        ______________________________________________________________________________

        ______________________________________________________________________________

        ______________________________________________________________________________

        ______________________________________________________________________________




                                              USF Family Orientation
Time for Practice
Continued...




Scenario 3 – Trouble with Campus Living? Commuter
Topics addressed = Personal Safety
        After meeting with her academic advisor during Orientation, your daughter registers for a class that meets
        from 6-9pm one night a week. One night over dinner she expresses a concern about being in class for three
        hours straight. However, you are concerned about her walking alone to her car after class. As the conversation
        continues, you realize that she hasn’t thought about the differences having a class at night might bring. How do
        you feel? What are your immediate concerns? What, if anything, do you say/do? What open-ended questions
        might you ask? What resources might you reference?


        ______________________________________________________________________________

        ______________________________________________________________________________

        ______________________________________________________________________________

        ______________________________________________________________________________


Scenario 4 - Discouraged?
Topic addressed = Emotional Health and Wellness
        Your son comes home for the first time for a weekend in October. He seems somewhat withdrawn and distant,
        which is not typical. You have been a little concerned that he has been out-of-touch but you have attributed
        that to his being busy in his new life. While he is at home you become concerned about his lack of energy and
        that he reports being very tired and ‘not feeling great.’ On Sunday before he returns, he breaks down. He tells
        you that he is unhappy about his lack of friends, discouraged about how difficult his classes are, and is thinking
        about quitting school. How do you feel? What are your immediate concerns? What, if anything, do you say/
        do? What open-ended questions might you ask? What resources might you reference?


        ______________________________________________________________________________

        ______________________________________________________________________________

        ______________________________________________________________________________

        ______________________________________________________________________________




                                              USF Family Orientation
Stress Management
for Coaches and Players




           College life is stressful. New opportunities, new responsibilities, new experiences, and new
           expectations are both thrilling and scary at the same time. Most parents of college students
           have received panicked phone calls or e-mails from their students at one time or another.
           Often college students just want someone with whom they can share their concerns,
           challenges, and frustrations. They may also want your advice and words of wisdom. Below
           you will find stress management tips to share with your stressed out college student.



Get enough rest each night
College students should sleep approximately 7—8 hours each night. However, many are pulling all-nighters or
consistently not getting enough sleep. Even the hardest task looks more manageable after a good night’s sleep.

Eat regularly and eat the right kinds of food
Rolling out of bed, skipping breakfast, and going to class in pajamas is not an uncommon morning for college
students. Ordering pizza at midnight is a regular event as well. Skipping meals depletes the body’s energy level, and
busy college students need all the energy they can get. Foods with a high salt or sugar content can lead to high blood
pressure or low blood sugar.

Exercise regularly
Whether it is an intramural sport or a walk around campus, physical activity is a great study break and stress reliever.

Avoid or limit all substance abuse
Excessive amounts of caffeine, alcohol, and medication can impair reasoning ability and memory.

Get organized
Setting short-term and long-term goals and effective time management can help students anticipate and plan for
potentially stressful times such as midterms and finals.

Communicate
Talking to a trusted friend or family member can help students work through problems and feel that they are not alone
in their struggles.

Relax
Part of effective time management is making time to relax, even if it is just 20 minutes a day. Spend
time on a hobby or engage in a favorite relaxation technique like yoga or meditation.

Seek help
If the stress of college life becomes too much to handle, take advantage of campus resources that are available to
students. Schedule regular appointments with professors and advisors. Visit USF’s Student Health Services or the
Counseling Center.




                                             USF Family Orientation
                          1                                                           2
What patterns of behavior have you noticed about your      Identify strategies that were previously helpful to your
student when he/she is stressed?                           student to eliminate the stress or cope effectively.

_________________________________________                  _________________________________________

_________________________________________                  _________________________________________

_________________________________________                  _________________________________________

_________________________________________                  _________________________________________

  Signs of Stress                                              Common End of the Semester Experiences
  Physical                                                      » Procrastination, lack of motivation
    » Headaches, dizziness                                      » Academic difficulties
    » Stomachaches, nausea                                      » Contemplating changing majors
    » Increased or decreased appetite                           » Increased stress over being home for the
    » Sleeping too much or too little                             holidays
    » Problems concentrating                                    » Difficulties sleeping/staying up all
    » Racing heart rate                                           night studying
    » Sweating                                                  » Stress regarding taking college finals for the
    » Muscle tension, neck and/or back pain                       first time
                                                                » Sense of pride in being an established
  Emotional                                                       college student
   » Boredom, apathy                                            » Time management issues
   » Anxious, tense, nervous                                    » Looking forward to seeing family and
   » Irritable, angry, frustrated                                 friends over
   » Afraid, fearful, embarrassed                                 the holidays
   » Confused                                                   » Excitement for the end of the s
   » Lonely                                                       emester approaching
  Behavioral
    » Avoidance, procrastination
    » Trouble concentrating
    » Crying
    » Arguing with family and friends
    » Increased use of substances to relax or stay awake
    » Isolating, withdrawing, spending time alone
    » Lack of contact with parents
    » Problems making friends
    » Increased complaints, expression of loneliness



                                             USF Family Orientation
Renegotiating Reasonable Expectations
for Winter Break




  » Be open and listen to your student’s views even if they differ from your own.
  » Be aware that he or she has lived under different rules with less oversight that has allowed their independence to
    grow.
  » Ask open ended questions that begin with “how,” “what,” “where,” and “when” rather than “why,” which can
    increase defensiveness in conversations.
  » Find a reasonable balance between respecting his or her independence and self-reliance while also assertively
    communicating the importance of household expectations and traditions.
  » Discuss your specific expectations with your student:
         » Curfews, job status over the break, holiday expectations, family time, religious events, social events



Creating a Practice Plan
A college student needs to be able to manage a variety of tasks and life-skills simultaneously. As you answer the following
questions please consider these areas: Academics, Daily Life, Financial, Health and Safety, Social and Emotional.


                           1                                                                 2
Identify topics that you need to discuss with your               Identify USF resources that may be helpful to your
student.                                                         student.

_________________________________________                        _________________________________________

_________________________________________                        _________________________________________

_________________________________________                        _________________________________________

_________________________________________                        _________________________________________


                           3                                                                 4
How do you feel about USF being your student’s home              What specific things do you need to do or change in
for the next 4 years?                                            your routine to help your student be more successful
                                                                 when he/she arrives on campus?
_________________________________________
                                                                 _________________________________________
_________________________________________
                                                                 _________________________________________
_________________________________________
                                                                 _________________________________________
_________________________________________
                                                                 _________________________________________



                                              USF Family Orientation
Working Within the Salary Cap
Creating a Reasonable Budget



Financial Literacy 101
Financial Literacy 101 is an online course that students are required to take as part of the Life Skills Modules. There
is also a version of the Financial Literacy course available to parents. We encourage you to complete the course as it
allows for family based financial planning for both large and smaller expenses. The web address for the parent Financial
Literacy course is: http://usfweb2.usf.edu/finaid/fl101/parent.html. Below you will find just one of the worksheets
that is part of the Financial Literacy course.

Monthly Budget Exercise
Your budget is not what you do spend - it’s what you plan to spend. Once you have developed a sensible budget,
compare it with your actual spending with the online “Budget to Actuals” calculator.

Income


 Employment           $ ____.00 Enter your “take home” pay - the amount you earn after paying taxes.
                                Be sure to average the amount you receive by the number of months you are in
 Education Loans      $ ____.00 school (less tuition and fees, of course).
                                Be sure to average the amount you receive by the number of months you are in
 Scholarships         $ ____.00 school (less tuition and fees, of course).


 Savings              $ ____.00 Enter the amount you will withdraw each month from savings.


 Other Income         $ ____.00 If you receive help from your parents, investments, or other sources enter it here.


 Totals               $ ____.00


Expenses
                                Rent/mortgage payments, insurance, maintenance and repairs. If you pay housing
                                once per semester (for example, dorm fees when paying tuition) you may want to
                                exclude that from this monthly cash flow budget or average the expense over the
 Housing              $ ____.00 appropriate number of months.
                                Include loan/lease payments,fuel, insurance, service/repairs, parking, and/or
 Transportation       $ ____.00 public transportation expenses.
                                Include home telephone, cell phone and internet access. If you bundle services,
 Communication        $ ____.00 you can just enter the one charge here.




                                             USF Family Orientation
                            Credit cards, bank credit lines, student loans - any loan payments not including
Debt Payments     $ ____.00 home and car.
                            Anything purchased at a grocery store, except personal care items and alcohol/
                            tobacco (see below). Tip - “Ready to eat” prepared foods are not only expensive,
                            but they are not as healthy as bulk ingredients that your make into a finished
Groceries         $ ____.00 meal.
                            Include sit-down meals, nights on the town, and even snacks at a convenience
Restaurant Food   $ ____.00 store - any food not prepared at home from groceries.


Entertainment     $ ____.00 Movies, hobbies, recreation, and related expenses dedicated to fun.


Utilities         $ ____.00 Include electric, gas, heating oil and any municipal services such as water.
                            Rather than buying new clothes at the beginning of each season, a monthly
Clothes           $ ____.00 budget helps you control spending (and take advantage of off-season pricing).
Books and
Supplies          $ ____.00 Include any school-related expense not included in your tuition and fees.
                            Include policies not covered under the home, auto, and health sections. Examples
Insurance         $ ____.00 would be life insurance, umbrella policies, and disability insurance.
                            If you have kids, your monthly bill for child care. You may also add other child-
Child Care        $ ____.00 related expenses in this category.
                            Prescription medicine and/or co-pays. Include aspirin, cold medicine, and similar
Medicine          $ ____.00 items under personal care.


Personal Care     $ ____.00 Salon / barber expenses, toiletries, and laundry.
Alcohol or                  Neither of these items is a true necessity, and you may be surprised at how these
Tobacco           $ ____.00 expenses can add up.
Savings and
Charity           $ ____.00 Goals, emergency funds, retirement accounts, and charitable contributions.
                            If you spend money on a monthly basis for anything not listed above, enter it
Anything Else     $ ____.00 here.


Totals            $ ____.00




                                         USF Family Orientation
                                                                            2012
 Family Weekend
                 September 28 & 29

Notes
for Coaches and Players




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New StudeNt CoNNeCtioNS           Live the tradition!                                   Want to establish friendships before classes start?
                                 Join the Stampede!                                          Interested in learning more about USF?
                                 Connect with NSC!
                                                                                        Join uSf’s on-line community
                                                               peer advisor leaders       for first-year students!
                                                                                            Before you even set foot in a classroom, start
                                                                                        connecting with the USF community through UConnect.

                                                                                          Create a profile, interact with other USF students,
                                                                                           and get information you need to be successful!




                                                                                           SigN up
                          College is one of the          New Student Connections
                           greatest adventures           (NSC) is here to help
                          you’ll ever experience;        you meet new friends
                          make sure you don’t
                               go it alone.
                                                         and discover your place
                                                         on campus. We create
                                                                                           today!
                                                         shared USF experiences
                           Let NSC help make
                                                         that connect you to our
                             your first year                                                     *Be sure to have
                                                         community and support
                            a great one with                                                      your USF e-mail
                            these can’t-miss             your successful transition
                                                                                                   address handy.
                             opportunities!              to college life.



      Find us on                     @nsc_usf       /newstudentconnections                 www.newstudent.usf.edu



                                         week of weLCome!
                                             the traditioN kiCkS
                                             off auguSt 22, 2012                                                                     get plugged in!
    Get connected to StUdent                 Experience one of USF’s greatest                                The best part of college is making
     orGanizationS                           traditions – Week of Welcome (WOW).                             lasting friendships and memories.
   Learn USF                                 Let current students and staff introduce                        Join a Network to make an immediate
                                                                                                             connection with a current USF student
   traditionS                                you to college life at USF. Listen to
                                  Live the
                             tradition




                                             great music, dance the night away,                              and other students who share your
    Join the                                 get hypnotized, watch a movie on                                interests, passions, or hobbies.
    Stampede                                 the lawn, or just hang out with your
                                                                                                              2012 NetworkS iNCLude:

     diScover
                                             new friends.
                                                                                                             • The Music Scene           • Let’s Get Active
                                             Explore USF’s Week of Welcome at                                • A Taste of Tampa:           (Intramural Sports)
    what it meanS to be a
                                             www.newstudent.usf.edu                                            Foodies Unite!            • Outdoor Adventure!
    USF bULL                                                                                                 • The M.A.D. Network
                                                                                                               (Making a Difference)
                                                                                                                                         • New Student
                                                                                                                                           Homecoming Float
                                                                                                             • Jet Setters:              • How to Save a Life:
                                                                                                               Culture & Travel            Medical Interests
                                                                                                             • Dog Enthusiasts           • Exploring Tampa Bay
                                                                                                             • Young Entrepreneurs       • DUDES (Don’t Underestimate
                                                                                                                                          Determination, Energy, &
                                                                                                             • Lights, Camera, Action:
                                                                                                                                          Strength): Weight Lifting
                                                                                                               Movie Fans!


                                                                                                                             Sign up today at
                                                                                                           www.newstudent.usf.edu
                            If reasonable accommodations are needed for a disability, please call (813) 974-2896 (FL Relay 711).

     New StudeNt CoNNeCtioNS
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