EXT. NEW YORK CITY SKYLINE - DUSK
A full moon is just rising over the silhouette of the
Every town needs a sane and
reasonable Monday morning
quarterback. In this place, it is
none other than I, Charles W.
The CAMERA moves in closer to the streets of New York.
I write for the New York Register,
where I have devoted my
journalistic career to exposing
the vast-left wing conspiracy.
The camera drifts by a bus shelter with an illuminated
poster of Arthur Vandameer and his show Speaking Truth to
Chief among the conspirators is
none other than talk show host,
The CAMERA continues to journey down streets of New York.
Arthur Vandameer, is like most
left-wing nut cases that I know
who have a vast network of
internal conflicts, all of which
are based on the simple,
irreducible fact that not one of
them actually believes a single
word of the aforementioned nutty
ideology they publicly espouse.
The CAMERA approaches the building of WNIN TV. The CAMERA
moves inside. Vandameer's poster is on display in the
I mean, would Arthur Vandameer
give his apartment back to some
feather-headed Iroquois? Hell no.
Did Arthur Vandameer really spend
a sleepless hour contemplating the
contribution Ted Bundy might have
made to society if the State of
Florida had only had the wisdom to
let him live! No way!
The CAMERA travels up the elevator and down corridors.
Had Arthur Vandameer rejected a
single penny of his vast inherited
wealth? Not on your life. In fact,
did any left-wing fruitcake ever
reject a single social advantage
despite the fact that he or she
considered that advantage horribly
unjust? Hell no! Not one!
The CAMERA moves inside the studio for Vandameer's show.
So the real mystery to me, is how
could there be so many left-
wingers, when really, there
weren't any at all.
ARTHUR VANDAMEER, sits on a simple, yet dignified studio
set waiting for the cue from the STAGE MANAGER. ARTHUR is
dressed neatly in a suit with his trademark pocket
handkerchief. He is speaking to SUSAN HALL a very stiff,
upper-crust neoconservative who sits in a remote studio.
Welcome back. This is Arthur
Vandameer on Speaking Truth to
Power and we're talking with Susan
Hall, a conservative writer whose
latest book is "English Only
Image of the book cover on screen.
After 9/11, many people have been
concerned about our country's
future. Ms. Hall, what concerns do
you have about this country's
I think we run the risk of being
overrun by foreigners. We need to
retain our essential culture.
And what you really want is to
force people to speak English.
I'm saying make it a federal law,
before we're taken over by
Ms. Hall, are you a racist?
Because racism against the
Hispanic community seems to be
exactly what you're talking about.
Before this country completely
loses it Anglo roots, we should
preserve what little culture we
have left. Speaking English only,
should be law or they should go
back to Mexico. Its that simple.
Sounds like racism. I mean next
people might singling out Jews, or
Catholics or even neo-
Well we're going to have to leave
it there and continue this
interesting discussion another
time. Susan Hall, author of
"English Only Please" has been our
guest. This is Arthur Vandameer
from New York.
The studio lights dim. The TV cameras and crew pull back.
FLOOR MANAGER (O.S.)
INT. REMOTE STUDIO - CONTINUOUS
SUSAN sits in her chair while a SOUNDMAN clips off her
Christ, what a left wing asshole.
Who the hell booked me on this
goddam crazy guy's show anyway?
I've taken just about enough of
INT. WNIN STUDIO - CONTINUOUS
A SOUNDMAN clips off Arthur's microphone.
She's got nothing against Latinos.
She just doesn't want them in her
neighborhood. What a hypocrite.
ARTHUR calls out to his assistant.
Does anyone know if my daughter
called or left a message?
No. No sir. Don't think so.
Arthur lifts up a telephone handset and dials. A recording
Hi you've reached the cell phone
of Allison otherwise know as the
daughter of the famous Arthur
Vandameer. If you get this message
I must be busy. Very busy.
INT. VANDAMEER'S APARTMENT, PIERRE HOTEL - CONTINUOUS
Sitting on a couch, GOONIE a skinny young man, of 18,
Hispanic origin and not very bright, is locked in a
passionate kiss with ALLISON VANDEMEER, 18, a very pretty,
waspy-looking blond Anglo of the upper Eastside crowd.
Anyway I can't talk right now, but
I'd love to hear from you so you
know what to do.
(A BEEP tone)
(leaving a message) Allison?
Allison sweetheart, its Dad.
Wondered if you happen to see the
show tonight. Oh well, call. I
haven't heard from you in a while.
Hope you're having fun.
ALLISON draws her lips away and rests her head on GOONIE's
shoulder and SIGHS. GOONIE smiles dreamily.
So Allison, my chiquita bonita,
ALLISON lifts her head.
Oh Goonie, I can't.
GOONIE's smile changes to extreme pain.
But we're supposed to be in love,
right? And when people are in love
GOONIE goes blank for a moment.
They... You know.
ALLISON waits impatiently for GOONIE to finish his thought.
So, whadya think?... About it... I
mean..... You know.
I can't Goonie.
ALLISON strokes his face.
You need to write that note for
That note we talked about.
ALLISON jumps up from the sofa and walks into her father's
book-lined office. GOONIE looks down at his crotch and
quickly straightens out his pants as ALLISON returns
handing him a gold-plated pen.
Did you bring the paper you were
He pulls a crumbled piece of paper from his back pocket of
his oversized jeans.
How many words?
It's just a damn note, Goonie.
Not a manifesto.
Man-i-fes-to? What, is that like
some car part or somethin?
Short. Make it short.
Yeah, okay. Short.
He flattens out the paper on the antique coffee table.
Start with "dear".
He gives her a blank stare.
Dear! The one like "precious", not
the one in the headlights.
He gets it and starts to write, then stops and looks up.
Do I ...... have to, Ali?
Come on. It'll drive Art crazy.
Looking at the paper, he hesitates once more.
Shouldn't I write on nicer paper?
No, you shouldn't. Now write!
Okay, Okay. (writing) Dear Mr.
Vandameer. I'm going to marry
INT. BEDROOM OF MADELYN BOYD - LATER
ARTHUR is in bed and staring at the ceiling.
I don't know the point of me. Or
if I even have a point.
MADELYN BOYD a 40-something, attractive, single woman and
sometimes girlfriend for Arthur comes out from under the
sheets. She is frustrated.
I don't know if you have a point
She rises out of bed and slips into a red silk kimono.
Arthur, maybe you'd better go. I
Headache? Surely not that Maddie.
What's the problem now?
She sits at her vanity table.
Let's see, poor grades for one.
The bad attitude. And to top it
off there's a boyfriend who.....
Well, who comes from an
unfortunate background. I mean
Madelyn brushes her hair.
But what about Allison? She's not
on drugs is she?
Never gotten pregnant?
ARTHUR stares down at a blemish on his chest.
So what's the problem?
MADELYN stops brushing and turns around.
Cancer on my chest.
She turns back and continues brushing.
Oh please, Arthur. I think you're
quite lucky with Allison. An
absolute gem if you ask me.
Arthur looks up.
Nasty, brutish and short.
MADELYN looks at him in the mirror.
What's the boyfriend's name?
His full name? Joselito Castillo
de la Mancha Diaz. But quite
appropriately, Allison calls him
Well, just remember, they thought
Einstein was goofy.
The difference here is that
I think you should give the girl a
A break? Allison?
I never understood when people get
married why should they be
surprised when they get divorced?
I mean what do you expect? And if
their kids go bad, well, jeez,
what more do you expect?
And how many children do you have?
The number zero comes to mind.
MADELYN stops brushing.
Let's not get snotty, shall we?
INT. VANDAMEER'S APARTMENT, PIERRE HOTEL - LATER
ALLISON is reading Goonie's note to Arthur one more time.
Both are seated on the sofa.
It's perfect, the perfect way to
stick it to him. Now maybe he'll
learn to appreciate me.
GOONIE edges closer.
I appreciate you.
Allison's finger caress his hair.
And I appreciate having met the
one guy that drives my father
HE leans over. THEY are about to kiss when suddenly there's
a loud explosion from Allison's derriere.
Oh Chiquita you are such a
I know, it's a problem. It's my
You don't need no big stinkin
I got to look good in a bathing
suit if I'm going to California.
I told you. I want my father to
Yes, my chiquita but -
And most importantly, make him let
me go to film school at UCLA
instead of Harvard, or Columbia.
But Ali what about us?
ALLISON jumps up and puts on her jacket. She throws
Goonie's jacket to him.
What? You want me to graduate with
a degree in something I don't
like, then have to get a job doing
something I don't like, and in the
end, live a life I don't like.
No, I guess I wouldn't like.
And what was the point of life
anyway if I never enjoy it?
So, Goonie, I'll stay at your
place during our "elopement." Its
cool with your parents right?
Yes, cool. No problem.
I'll eat and sleep there until my
father says I can go to UCLA.
Then, once he says I can go,
you'll sprout wings and fly me to
Oh yeah, absolutely.
ALLISON places the note on the table.
Okay. We meet at 8pm in front of
the General Sherman statue.
Going out the door.
I think I'll get a tatoo. Arthur
They leave. Allison left the note to Arthur next to her
McDonald's cashier application and her "Butthole Surfer"
INT. BEDROOM OF MADELYN BOYD - LATER
MADELYN glances at the back of a watch laying on her table.
Inside the inscribed heart are the words, "To Mad - for
last night, always Roland". She smiles a devilish smile at
the memory. Turns over the watch to reveal a diamond
Don't you have to be home, Arthur?
For that reporter?
ARTHUR still lays in bed
A style page writer is hardly a
Arthur, cheer up. You look
She opens a drawer and pulls out a small plastic bottle and
tosses it to him.
Elavil. You might ask your doctor
for a prescription.
He places the bottle on the bed.
I avoid mind-altering drugs.
Yes, of course, like other mind-
altering drugs such as vodka, gin,
brandy, scotch, B&B and especially
port. Especially Dow's Vintage
Port. Anyway, you'd better get
dressed for that reporter. Come
now, get dressed.
All right, all right.
Wearily, ARTHUR pulls himself out of bed and gets dressed.
INT. FOYER OF MADELYN'S BROWNSTONE - LATER
ARTHUR, now fully dressed, kisses MADELYN.
Just let the girl be.
Good night Maddie.
EXT. METROPOLITAN MUSEUM OF ART - LATER
ARTHUR is looking up at the building from the street.
I know exactly how you feel.
He walks away into the darkness down Fifth Avenue. Hanging
from the stone facade of the Museum is a banner announcing
a Munch exhibit and his famous painting, "The Scream".
INT. APARTMENT OF ROY AND BEA BUMBLE, ASTORIA - EVENING
ROY BUMBLE, a middle aged, working class man smokes a cigar
while staring out the kitchen window at the Manhattan
BEA BUMBLE, Roy's wife, sits at the table half dressed in a
"Mr. Peanut" outfit. She peers into an empty can of Slim-
What a day. When I ran out of
free peanut samples you know what
they did? They attacked me.
She licks the foamy pink residue of the drink.
Strawberry's not bad.
Roy ignores her and continues to stare out the window. He
takes a puff of his cigar and thinks to himself.
Someday, I'm going to have it.
I'll have caviar at Petrossian and
order the Beluga, and let the bums
have the Seruga. Someday, that
damn city will be mine.
ROY closes his eyes and slips into a dream.
INT. FANCY RESTAURANT - NIGHT
ROY, dressed in a perfect suit, is seated at a table. Pulls
out his wallet.
There I'd be in my nice Armani
suit. Pay the tab with my Amex
He tosses the card on the table.
EXT. DAKOTA APARTMENT BUILDING - NIGHT
ROY walks arm in arm with a sleek-looking WOMAN FASHION
And I'd walk back to my place at
the Dakota with the hottest
fashion designer in town. That's
ROY pauses to give the WOMAN a passionate kiss.
A player. Somebody who matters,
part of the in-crowd. A guy who
lives in Manhattan.
INT. APARTMENT OF ROY AND BEA BUMBLE, QUEENS - CONTINUOUS
Roy's eyes pop open destroying the perfect dream.
ROY sees BEA slapping at a pink stain across the front of
I just washed this thing.
ROY returns his gaze outside to the skyline.
Is it so much to ask?
He turns back to his newspaper at the table. Spread across
are some used lottery tickets, a racing forum and on the
newspaper he crosses out another classified apartment ads
in Manhattan. ROY looks out once more.
A guy who lives in Manhattan.
You're gonna be late for work,
ROY glances at his watch.
INT. HALLWAY OF BUMBLE APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS
ROY takes out his Sherry-Netherland doorman's uniform from
the front door closet. He puts it on, checks himself in the
mirror. He is humming, "New York, New York"
If you can make it there, you can
make it anywhere.
He finishes dressing.
Just one score. That's all it
would take. One, lucky, score.
EXT. PORT AUTHORITY BUS STATION, 42ND STREET - EVENING
Swimming out of the crowd piling into the bus station is
HARRY STUMBO. He's an unsmiling, disheveled guy with a
half unlit cigar stub in his mouth. He stops in front of a
newsstand on the corner run by JOE, an old timer of the
Times Square neighborhood who looks like he's been at it
for 100 years.
Hey Harry. So what brings you to
Haven't seen him.
Forget it Harry, dem guys are all
gone. Every last one. Ain't no
more business. No more hustlers,
no more nothin'. I mean just look
at the street.
(nods down 42nd Street)
It's fuckin Disneyland now.
HARRY glares at the whirling, neon lights and clean swept
Our time is over.
EXT. 42ND STREET - CONTINUOUS
HARRY walks down the sidewalk and stops in front of a huge
marquee with an enormous Mickey Mouse face.
Suddenly a bunch of screaming kids surround him as they
make they're way into the theater, practically carrying
Harry with them. HARRY breaks away.
He continues his walk down the street passing a carnival of
tourists and venues: A gaggle of OLD LADIES with blue
tinged hair; a pristine McDonalds; JAPANESE TOURISTS
photographing everything in sight; The Gap Store; TEENAGE
GIRLS dressed in pink giggling away; PARENTS dragging their
kicking and screaming kids.
HARRY plunges into Smith's bar, an old refuge.
INT. SMITH'S BAR - CONTINUOUS
HARRY takes a stool by the bar. FELIX, the Bartender lays
down a napkin.
You look like you've seen a ghost,
Harry. What's got you so spooked?
(shakes his head)
Yeah, its amazing how its changed
huh? Cleaned up. What'll it be?
That would be Dewar's straight, no
HARRY appreciated something that was familiar. As the FELIX
fixes his drink, he looks around at the grimy, seedy joint
and lets out a big, contented sigh.
FELIX returns with Harry's drink and a big smile on his
You ain't heard?
We're fixing up the place!
MONTAGE OF PEOPLE GOING HOME FROM WORK IN NEW YORK.
Lights change; Pedestrians cross streets, buy coffee, eat
bagels; Policemen direct traffic; Storekeepers open shops.
Look at them. Sheep scurrying
around like chickens with their
heads cut off. Running from jobs
they hate, then home to families
they hate, then a break from all
this misery to go on vacations to
places they hate with people they
hate even more. That's life
according to me, Charles W. Moon.
INT. OFFICE OF CHARLIE MOON - EVENING
Gazing at the street below from the 40th floor window of
his office is CHARLIE MOON a writer for the New York Daily
Mindless ants obeying the very
laws of human entrapment that I,
by my superior wisdom, had
skillfully avoided. No, for me
every night is a honeymoon except
that with break of day the bride
is on her way out the door, taking
all prospect of future alimony,
children, mortgages and higher
educational expenses-- with her.
What could be better than that?
Out the window the pedestrians appear as tiny as ants.
There it is, one of the great
mysteries of human life - solved.
He looks up and sees the moon in morning sky and says out
loud to himself...
Great mysteries, my ass. The only
great mystery around here is where
my career is headed. Around here,
its one step away from the toilet.
He sits at his desk and looks around the office. On the
walls are the memorabilia of his career: enlarged articles
with headlines of "CLINTON'S IMPEACHMENT", "THE LEFT WING
CONSPIRACY", "A HILARY BASHING PARTY", "GORE THE SORE
Suddenly TOOTS MCTEAGUE, a writer for the paper, bursts in.
"Boy Wonder" wants to see you,
He leaves as quickly as he came in.
INT. NEWSROOM OF NEW YORK DAILY REGISTER - CONTINUOUS
CHARLIE walks though the newsroom on the way to see Boy
What I needed to get my career
back on track was fifteen minutes
- of fame.
INT. OFFICE OF TOBIAS KENMORE PHELPS - CONTINUOUS
TOBIAS (aka Boy Wonder) is a young silver spoon fed twenty-
six year old Harvard grad, whose father is the CEO and
majority stockholder of the media conglomerate that owns
CHARLIE taps at his door and walks in.
You wanted to see me, Tobias?
I do, I do. Please, Charles, have
a seat, won't you?
So, Charles. Have you been well?
Good, good. You do know Jennifer
Cattrell, don't you, Charles?
You mean Jenny, the style writer,
Well, unfortunately, Jennifer is
indisposed. Which brings me to
you, Charles, because I'm in
something of a bind.
CHARLIE leans back in his chair expecting a story.
You've heard of Arthur Vandameer,
The commentator, sure. Left--wing
liberal. Thinks the prisons should
provide bodybuilding equipment to
TOBIAS appears confused.
Didn't he dub that woman who
perched in a pine for six months
Yes he did. You disagree? Look
I know you've had disagreements
with Vandameer in the past, but I
trust you at least respect him?
I'll grant Thomasina Jefferson was
an unfortunate choice of words.
But on to the other issue. The
situation is thus. Jennifer was
due to interview Mr. Vandameer at
nine o'clock this evening. She's
doing a piece on night views of
Central Park, and evidently
Vandameer has an impressive one.
Night Views of Central Park.
Someone has to do the piece. Given
the situation being thus.
CHARLIE did not want to hear what was coming next.
I don't do style. I don't even
CHARLIE smiles mockingly.
Pierre Hotel. Nine o'clock.
CHARLIE is about to interrupt then relents.
But it would be more than a
problem, it would be
INT. GOMEZ' APARTMENT - EVENING
GOONIE sits at the table. His mother MARIA GOMEZ, a small
and timid woman, is silently cleaning up the dishes. His
father, JAVIER JOSE ESPERANZA GOMEZ, is an enormous man who
takes no crap from anybody.
You out of your mind? You ain't
bringin that girl into this house.
What are you doing with that girl.
anyway? And that father of hers. 3
women walk out on him. No balls.
You don't see my wife running out
MARIA gives him a glare.
GOONIE looks at the clock on the wall and jumps up.
Where're you running to?
I got to go into the city. Got to
meet someone by a statue of a guy
who looked like he belonged in a
cowboy and Indian movie.
Something that started with an
Yeah, there's a General down the
street from my work. In the
village, starts with S-H somethin.
But who are you-
The door slams shut. JAVIER looks at MARIA.
Don't like it.
EXT. ENTRANCE CENTRAL PARK AT FIFTH AVE - EVENING
The statue of General Sherman on his horse looms over
ALLISON who sits underneath it. She glances at her watch
and looks around. Another loud sound from her rear attracts
the attention of PASSERSBY who go out of their way to walk
EXT. SHERIDAN SQUARE, GREENWICH VILLAGE - CONTINUOUS
The statue of General Sheridan is in front of GOONIE who
stares at the name plaque and looks around. He sits on a
INT. SMITH'S BAR - LATER
HARRY finishes his drink and places the empty glass on the
bar. There are now three empty glasses.
FELIX pours. A hand slaps down on Harry's shoulder.
So, Harry, how they hanging?
CHEEKIE, is an ex-vice squad cop. A short and stocky
Well if it isn't Cheekie Put-it-
That's Chester K. Putonya to you.
So, what's up, Numbnuts?
CHEEKIE takes a long pull on the beer he'd brought over.
I was talking to Jake O'Malley. He
says the girls don't come in to
Port Authority no more.
So, no business?
HARRY shakes his head.
CHEEKIE takes another pull on his beer.
Yeah, it's a bitch.
CHEEKIE sets down his beer.
CHEEKIE casts his eyes to FRANKIE MONTOYA, a large man and
former NY cop sitting in the corner.
See that guy over there? The one
who looks like he swallowed a
Or maybe just a tub full of
macaroni and cheese. His name is
Frankie Montoya and that's what
retirement from the force will get
ya... You know that fat slob got a
bouncer's job over me. So now
he's a big shot working for that
meat packer club.... What's-it
Yeah. "Do me" on 10th. Look at
him. Fancy suit. All dolled up. A
big guy. But you know what? He's
only got one ball.
HARRY shakes his head.
What, you think he's sensitive
about that? Frankie Montoya? That
frigging guy wouldn't feel a
hatpin up his nose. One ball.
CHEEKIE sips his beer, then wipes his mouth.
I should go over and congratulate
him on the new job, the creep.
Maybe ask if that wife of his
finally got that face lift she
CHEEKIE eyes are now oddly crossed. HE gets up and goes
over to FRANKIE.
Hey Frankie, your wife still bark
at the postman?
HARRY ducks behind his glass.
EXT. SUBWAY ENTRANCE AT 59TH STREET - EVENING
ROY BUMBLE comes up the stairway, pondering. The crowd
pushes and shoves him ever upward to the street. He snaps
Today's the day. I can feel it.
EXT. GENERAL SHERMAN STATUE, 5TH AVENUE - CONTINUOUS
ROY walks over to the statue of General Sherman. Looks at
his watch and decides he has some time to sit before
reporting to work.
Pardon me, sir, but do you have
ROY turns to the right and sees ALLISON and notices her
long blond hair, and Laura Ashley clothes sitting in a
Yes. A girl who lived in
Oh, yes. Quarter to eight.
ROY sits silently for a moment staring at the bustling
That's General Sherman, the guy on
He was in the Civil War. He burned
everything in his path. He was the
one who said,'War is Hell.
You live in New York?
Queens. And you?
I don't know.
You don't know? You mean, you
don't know where you live?
Well, at least not tonight.
Why is tonight different?
Because I was supposed to elope.
With my boyfriend.
ROY looks around for the boyfriend.
So, where is this guy?
He was Supposed to meet me here,
then we were going to his place in
Bronx? You were going to elope
with a guy that lives in the
A little bit, yeah.
No, I mean, that's his name.
Oh. Maybe you should just go home.
Because, really, I wasn't going to
ROY is puzzled.
I just wanted to stick it to my
Not much of one. Especially after
divorce number three. That one was
a winner. Nothing is ever good
enough for him. Especially me.
She recalls a memory.
INT. VANDAMEER'S LIBRARY - EVENING
ARTHUR sits across from ALLISON. He notices her reading a
book. On the cover its "The Picture Biography of Prince".
The only way I could get back at
him ...was to give the impression
that I was a complete idiot.
Peering inside Allison's Prince book cover, she is actually
reading "Wuthering Heights".
The real power of knowing such
things was in pretending not to.
EXT. GENERAL SHERMAN STATUE, 5TH AVENUE - CONTINUOUS
ALLISON smiles and offers Roy her hand.
ROY shakes her hand.
now?...Well, you can't just sit
here all night.
ALLISON nods and has an idea.
Mr. Bumble, how would you like to
make some money?
ROY looks up. At that moment CHARLIE MOON passes them and
CHARLIE continues walking and pauses. He gazes up the lit
windows of the Pierre Hotel. He takes a deep breath and
marches toward the entrance.
INT. VANDAMEER'S UPPER EASTSIDE APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS
ARTHUR enters the front door.
He steps into the spacious living room.
The door to Allison's room is already open as he walks in.
He turns on a light, looks around and sees the note on the
nightstand. He takes the note which reads: "Deer Future
Dear Future Dad: Me and Allison
are goin to be married. Because
we are in love. We have been this
way for a long time.
We fill we must take this nex step
in hour relationship. Which is
getting married to each other and
no one else. We will get back in
touch with you in a cupple of
days. Don't worry about us, she
is okay. In love, like I already
told you. Your future son-in-law
Joselito Diaz that you know as
PS. This wouldn't have happen if
she could have gone to film
school, but no, you said no. So
she has to marry Goonie.
ARTHUR crumbles the letter into a ball.
She's eloped. With Joselito Diaz,
that you know as Goonie. Damn.
ARTHUR goes to a telephone and picks up the receiver and
begins dialing 911. He pauses and looks out his window, and
gets caught up in a vision.
EXT. PIERRE HOTEL - NIGHT
A large group of protesters and media stand outside the
Pierre holding placards branding VANDAMEER IS AN ELITIST;
Another calls him A RACIST. A group sings "We Shall
Overcome". Another burns him in effigy.
911. Is this an emergency?
(on the phone)
He hangs up and is trembling.
The door bell rings. His eyes widen in horror.
ARTHUR swings open the front door swings and standing in
the doorway is CHARLIE MOON.
Who are you?
Arthur stares at him without recognition.
Downstairs, they sent me right up,
because you'd told them to expect
Continuing his blank stare
Daily Register? Style Section?
Jenny Cattrell couldn't make it.
Of course. Please, come in.
You were expecting Jenny Cattrell,
I know. But Jenny's indisposed."
ARTHUR leads CHARLIE into the living room. Charlie notes
the vast window.
That must be the view of Central
The style piece. Views of Central
Park at night.
Oh, yes. Yes, of course.
ARTHUR leads CHARLIE to the window.
This is it, as you can see.
Maybe you could say a few words.
About the view.
ARTHUR lifts his hand to his lips and brushes them with a
piece of crumpled paper.
To tell you the truth Mister...
Moon. Charlie Moon.
Mr. Moon, yes. As you can
probably see, I'm a bit...well...
CHARLIE stares at the paper crushed in ARTHUR's fist.
ARTHUR hesitates then slumps down on the sofa in
My daughter. She's...
This is off the record, of course.
She's eloped, evidently.
ARTHUR hands the note to CHARLIE.
I don't know what to do.
CHARLIE opens the note and reads, then hands the note back
to ARTHUR. He looks at a portrait of Allison hanging on the
That your daughter?
ARTHUR jumps up.
Downstairs. Over by the Sherman
statue. I saw her as I was walking
ARTHUR rushes to the door, CHARLIE races behind him.
INT. PIERRE HOTEL - CONTINUOUS
ARTHUR and CHARLIE come racing through the lobby.
EXT. PIERRE HOTEL - CONTINUOUS
THEY cross Fifth Avenue and approach an empty bench by the
Are you sure it was her.
It was her all right.
Too late. She's gone. Eloped.
With a guy you know as Goonie.
A boy who...a boy...from...the
What's her name. Your daughter.
Allison. What am I going to do?
He puts his arm around Arthur.
You'll keep this quiet, I
CHARLIE manages an artificial smile.
INT. FRIDAY'S RESTAURANT, MANHATTAN - NIGHT
ROY joins ALLISON already seated in a booth.
Had to call the boss. Called in
sick. So you're the daughter of
that talk show host on TV?
Yes. As I told you, my name is
And you live up there at the
And this boyfriend, Goonie? Where
does he live?
Co-op City. And we were going
elope, and he stood me up. Okay
it was a phony elopement, but he
still stood me up.
He just didn't show up?
You might say he just didn't get
to the church on time. Like the
song in My Fair Lady. Which is
really based on Pygmalion.
Okay, okay, enough with ladies or
pigs right now. What your plan
ALLISON rolls her eyes.
Okay, like I said, I pretend to
have run away.
My father offers a reward.
You find me.
You get the reward.
What So what kind of reward money
are talking about? What would be
the exact amount, do you think?
I can't give you a definite
figure. But a lot!
Oh, at least. Art is very, very
rich. He has things people don't
even know about because he doesn't
want them to think he's a
collector. Paintings, I mean. In
the front rooms, he keeps all this
stuff from Africa. Wooden masks,
that sort of thing. He's always
talking about how European art is
elitist. But he's got a Renoir
stashed in the back. Several
Picassos, too. He has a Van Gogh.
Also a Duchamp.
ROY is carefully weighing all the possibilities.
So, it would be like a letter?
Letter? Who said anything about a
letter? You call my father on the
phone. You tell him you know where
I am. He finds me there. You get
Sounds good, right?
He still hesitates.
So, what's the problem?
ALLISON looks puzzled.
A wife at home is what I'm saying.
We got to make up a story. About
how we hooked up.
Met. Out of the blue, I mean. Got
together. The whole...you
And this is necessary....why?
So you can stay at my place. You
know, with my wife Bea. Until we
pull this thing off.
Stay at your place? I was thinking
of a hotel.
Hotel? You'd have to register.
People would see you. Suppose your
father goes to the media, gives
interviews. Your face would be
everywhere. It would spoil the
Okay. Okay, how about this: You
came up to me on the street. You
was mugged in the park. You didn't
have no money, no place to stay.
Yeah, that's it. Your father
kicked you out, and you didn't
have no place to stay.
So..I..took you in.
Took me in? Until I can...
Get on your feet.
Yeah, okay, your profession.
They smile at each other. ROY puts out his hand. ALLISON
Partners in crime.
Partners in crime.
Okay. Now let's go over this
ALLISON rolls her eyes.