Separation or Divorce - A Tangle Until The End

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                                        Separating or Divorce - A Tangle Until the End
                                                              By Mr. P. Booker

   Divorce and the Family

 For those who have never been involved in divorce, or for those who have brushed past it but never
quite understood the intensity. Divorce is one big tangle that never really unravels. Five years on from
a divorce, the parents are still surviving, although remaining bitter. The children are still shell shocked.

 As adults we all can handle the tangle, but the children are not mature enough to comprehend the
frustration, and what appears at times, to be the ‘lack of love’. This confusion carries on into their early
adulthood. There are two particularly common side effects that happen as a consequence of splitting
up; one is dyslexia, and the other is wetting the bed.

 Although this observation within a marriage breakup sounds harsh for the children, there is no
suggestion that a family should stick together for the sake of the children. This option may seem
feasible and many have weathered the storm, but a different type of problem is created; a different type
of confusion. The children will see a life without the comfort of love and as a consequence could reach
adulthood with no expectancy of forming a relationship.

 Love is what makes the world go around, without it your children will grow up living a sheltered and
unfulfilled life. We cannot bring a child into a family and allow them to see two parents fighting and
arguing all of the time.

Financial Issues in Family matters

 Finance in separation and divorce is complicated; who owns which debt, who owns which car and who
owns which property. Untangling finances is one of the most difficult aspects of ending a long term
relationship or marriage. You could find yourself dividing savings, splitting the furniture; and on top of
all that paying out maintenance to your other half. Maintenance incidentally can be claimed from either
the male or female after the breakup.

 According to lawyers it is generally the woman who comes out on top. This is either when an
agreement is reached by two legal representatives, or if it necessary, when the couple have needed to

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go to court.

 Often overlooked initially, in the heat of separation, the finances become a big issue. What in theory
would be ideal, is that the couple sell everything, pay all outstanding bills, and then equally divide. But
along with the theory comes the impracticalities of each parent finding somewhere else to live, the
furniture, valuables, bank balances, secret stashes of cash and memorabilia from both childhood and

 One amusing but real example was when a separated couple had no legal representative as the
adults thought they could sort it out themselves. The male partner had gone back ‘up north’ to his
parents and asked if his ex-partner could sell the BMW and send him half the money. She sent him a
payment for £5… Rather than sell it for a realistic price, she sold it for £10, got a receipt, then halved
the total received and sent it to her ex-partner.

Domestic Violence and Child Abduction

 Access to children is another area that often is only resolved by attending court. Both the father and
the mother deserve access to see their children, but it can lead to further disagreements. These
unsavory moments can include further financial issues, access problems and parental guidance.

 One parent may suggest one particular way to deal with a situation and the other parent is deliberately
opposite in view. Although unpleasant, both parents use each situation as another option to be bitter
and twisted. It is often witnessed that parents use their children as bullets during these periods of
access. This will also add to the negativity within the mind of the child.


 What funded one household will now be supporting two homes, so at least some financial adjustment
will be needed, and you may not be that happy with the final result. You will be entering a new phase in
your life; the sooner you can adjust the better.

 As for the children, keep them out and away from arguments and aggression. Allow them to grow up
with love in their house. As far as the children’s ‘rights’ and ‘wrongs’ apply, it is prudent for parents to
agree to disagree… Wherever possible if parents could agree with one of the parents’ rules, preferably
with the parent that they are living with; rather than insist upon some new rules every time the children
change hands.

Mr. P. Booker
Divorce Mediator

Divorce Help and Advice | Divorce Mediation

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                                 Is There Really Such a Thing as Amicable Divorce?
                                                          By Melissa Gordon

Because a wedding is seen as the ultimate expression of two people’s love for one another, it would be
easy to think that conversely a divorce would be the opposite – a lasting monument to the antipathy
built up over the course of a marriage. However, it is a fact that many divorces in this day and age are
amicable arrangements between two grown adults who accept that things just have not worked out
between them and, with a tinge of regret, go their separate ways. This happens, especially as the
changes in society over the years have seen divorce becoming far less stigmatized, and thus divorce
itself is not reserved for the couples who have grown to hate one another.

 An amicable divorce can take many different shapes, but one central tenet of this type is that the
agreement will take the form of a “no fault divorce”. The accepted implication is that both parties in the
relationship have come to the conclusion that they are not suited to living together for the rest of their
lives, and would both be better served by a quick, clean separation. However, even in many “no fault”
cases there are still issues of property to be resolved. A couple separating amicably may both have
part ownership of the house in which they live. How this will be split – and indeed what will happen to
the house – is one subject that can require the input of lawyers to a no-fault divorce case.

 The reasons for a couple separating in a no-fault divorce are, as the name suggests, typically arrived
at without rancor or blame. Grounds given in the official records range from incompatibility to
irretrievable breakdown, and also include irreconcilable differences. A no-fault divorce will often
happen when a couple marry after a short engagement, and realize over time that they are too
fundamentally different to ever benefit from the marriage as one would expect. Ironically, it is the
marriages that last longer, the real “love matches”, that tend to end (if they must end at all) in the
angriest divorces, as these are the cases where both parties have invested a lot of themselves in the
marriage, and their hopes have been commensurately high.

 If a marriage has been active for long enough for a couple to have had children and accumulated a lot
of co-owned property, then if the couple choose to divorce they may come to an uncontested divorce. It
is believed that 95% of divorces in the United States are uncontested. This happens where both parties
come to an agreement – by themselves or with the aid of lawyers or mediators – on how assets will be
divided, and what will be done where children are concerned. This kind of divorce makes sense for
both parties, as it negates the need to spend lots of time and money going over old ground in a
courtroom. It is also an example of where lawyers can put their minds to work looking for a consensus
rather than a way to expose the other party.

 Disclaimer: This article is for informational and entertainment purposes only, and should not be
construed as legal advice on any subject matter. is a complete online resource that compares the legal services offered by
various online companies. Find the best company for your uncontested divorce needs

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