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									Funny Christmas Quotes About Santa

1. 'I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a
   note on it saying, toys not included.'
   Bernard Manning
2. 'I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took
   me to see him in a department store and he asked for my
   Shirley Temple
3. 'Let me see if I've got this Santa business straight. You say he
   wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to
   cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this
   guy isn't laundering illegal drug money?'
   Tom Armstrong
4. 'Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.'
   Victor Borge
5. 'Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, He must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, Must be a
   pacifist. What's in that pipe that he's smoking?'
   Arlo Guthrie
6. Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
   You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
7. You know you're getting old, when Santa starts looking younger.
   Robert Paul

                                 CHRISTMAS JOKES
   Santa's Outfit
    How do you know Santa has to be a man?
    No woman is going to wear the same outfit year after year.
   Curious Question
    Why does rain drop, but snow fall?
   What did Adam say to his girlfriend on December 24th?
    'It's Christmas! Eve.'
   What do lions sing at Christmas?
    Jungle bells!
   Romeo: What would it take to make you give me a kiss under the Christmas
    mistletoe ?
    Juliette: An anesthetic
   What did the snowman's hat say to the scarf?
    You hang around while I go on ahead.

                                   FUNNY STORIES
    Santa Visits a Bar
    Santa Banta goes into a bar in New York.

    The man on his right orders a drink, 'Johnnie Walker, single.'

    The man on his left says, 'Jack Daniels, single.'
    Santa says. 'Santa Singh, married.'

'Waiter - There's a Fly in My Champagne'

A multi-national company held a reception to celebrate Christmas. The waiter gave
each guest a glass of champagne, but on inspection, each guest noticed that their glass
contained a fly.

      The Swede asked for new champagne in the same glass
      The Englishman demanded to have new champagne in a new glass
      The Finn picked out the fly out and drank the champagne
      The Russian drank the champagne, fly and all
      The Chinese ate the fly but left the champagne
      The Israeli caught the fly and sold it to the Chinese
      The Italian drank two thirds of the champagne and then demanded to have a new
      The Norwegian took the fly and went off to fish
      The Irishman ground the fly and mixed it in the champagne, which he then
      donated to the Englishman
      The American sued the restaurant and claimed for a $50 million compensation
      The Scotsman grabbed the fly by the throat and shouted, 'Now spit out all that
      you swallowed.'

                           General Funny Christmas Quotes
   'The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This
    wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.'
    Jay Leno
     'Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet
      Larry Wilde
     'Merry Christmas, Nearly Everybody!'
      Ogden Nash
     Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when
      adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it.
      Richard Lamm
     Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a
      Christmas present.
     'A Christmas shopper's complaint is one of long-standing.'
     The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right to pursue happiness. You have to
      catch it yourself.
      Benjamin Franklin
     Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
     What a wonderful life I've had. I only wish I'd realized it sooner.

Here are delightful quotations to help appreciate and reflect on Christmas.
     'Christmas is the keeping-place for memories of our innocence.'
      Joan Mills
     'Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more
      Norman Vincent Peale
     'Peace on earth will come to stay, when we live Christmas every day.'
      Helen Steiner Rice
     'The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in
      each other.'
     'I wish we could put up some of the Christmas spirit in jars and open a jar of it every month.'
      Harlan Miller
     'Remember, if Christmas isn't found in your heart, you won't find it under a tree.'
      Charlotte Carpenter
     'There has been only one Christmas - the rest are anniversaries.'

      W.J. Cameron.
     'A Christmas candle is a lovely thing; It makes no noise at all, But softly gives itself away; While
      quite unselfish, it grows small.'
      Eva K. Logue
     'I heard the bells on Christmas Day
      Their old, familiar carols play,
      And wild and sweet the words repeat
      Of peace on earth, goodwill to men! - Longfellow
   'I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.'
    Charles Dickens
   Those who can laugh without cause have either found the true meaning of happiness or have
    gone stark raving mad.
    Norm Papernick
   'He who has no Christmas in his heart will never find Christmas under a tree.'
    Roy L. Smith.

                                     Christmas trees:
These arrived in England in the 1830's and became enormously popular when Price
Albert, the husband of Queen Victoria, took a tree to Windsor Castle in 1841. It is
thought that the first tree to be decorated with lights was in 1882 when the vice-
president of the Thomas Edison Electric Company, E. Johnson, strung together small
light bulbs on his tree.

                            Facts and Trivia About Snow

      Every snowflake has its own unique shape and is different than all other
      All snowflakes have six sides.
      Snowflakes aren’t always white. Years ago, when coal was used in factories and
      homes, snow was often grey because the coal dust entered the air and was
      absorbed by the clouds.
      The largest snowflakes ever recorded fell in the state of Montana in the United
      States of America. The snowflakes were 15 inches in diameter.
      The snow capital of the United States is Stampede Pass in Washington State. Each
      year, the average snowfall is 430 inches.
      The average snowflake falls at a speed of 3.1 miles per hour. [5kph]
      It is a blizzard when you can’t see for ¼ mile; the winds are always 35 miles an
      hour or more, and the storm must last at least 3 hours to be classed as a blizzard.
      If any of these conditions are less, it is only a snowstorm.
      Billions of snowflakes fall during one short snowstorm.
      Did you know that snowflakes are made up of ice crystals. This is a close up
      photograph (below) of a snowflake forming out of ice crystals and was taken by JJ
                             Ten of the best Christmas movies

  1.     Christmas In Connecticut (1945) - Barbara Stanwyck
  2.     It's A Wonderful Life (1946) - Frank Capra [Best Christmas Movie]
  3.     Miracle On 34th Street (1947) - Kris Kringle
  4.     Scrooge (1951) - Alistair Sim
  5.     White Christmas (1954) - Bing Crosby Classic
  6.     A Charlie Brown Christmas
  7.     Mister Magoo's Christmas Carol
  8.     A Christmas Story (1883) - Bob Clark
  9.     Joyeux Noel (2005) - WW1 Football Game in the Trenches
  10.    Olive the Other Reindeer

               How to Say "Merry Christmas" in 75 Other Languages

Language              Merry Christmas

Afrikaans             Gesëende Kersfees

Albanian              Gezur Krislinjden

Arabic                Idah Saidan Wa Sanah Jadidah

Argentine             Feliz Navidad
Armenian    Shenoraavor Nor Dari yev Pari Gaghand

Basque      Zorionak eta Urte Berri On!

Bengali     Shuvo Naba Barsha

Bohemian    Vesele Vanoce

Brazilian   Boas Festas e Feliz Ano Novo

Breton      Nedeleg laouen na bloavezh mat

Bulgarian   Tchestita Koleda; Tchestito Rojdestvo Hristovo

Catalan     Bon Nadal i un Bon Any Nou!

Chile       Feliz Navidad

Chinese     (Cantonese) Gun Tso Sun Tan'Gung Haw Sun

Chinese     (Mandarin) Kung His Hsin Nien bing Chu Shen Tan

Cornish     Nadelik looan na looan blethen noweth

Corsian     Pace e salute

Croatian    Sretan Bozic

Czech       Prejeme Vam Vesele Vanoce a stastny Novy Rok

Danish      Glædelig Jul

Dutch       Vrolijk Kerstfeest en een Gelukkig Nieuwjaar!

English     Merry Christmas

Eskimo      (inupik) Jutdlime pivdluarit ukiortame pivdluaritlo!

Esperanto   Gajan Kristnaskon

Estonian    Ruumsaid juulup|hi
Finnish      Hyvaa joulua

Flemish      Zalig Kerstfeest en Gelukkig nieuw jaar

French       Joyeux Noel

Frisian      Noflike Krystdagen en in protte Lok en Seine yn it Nije Jier!

Gaelic       Nollaig chridheil agus Bliadhna mhath ùr!

German       Froehliche Weihnachten

Greek        Kala Christouyenna!

Hawaiian     Mele Kalikimaka

Hebrew       Mo'adim Lesimkha. Chena tova

Hindi        Shub Naya Baras

Hawaiian     Mele Kalikimaka ame Hauoli Makahiki Hou!

Hungarian    Kellemes Karacsonyi unnepeket

Icelandic    Gledileg Jol

Indonesian   Selamat Hari Natal

Iraqi        Idah Saidan Wa Sanah Jadidah

Irish        Nollaig Shona Dhuit, or Nodlaig mhaith chugnat

Italian      Buone Feste Natalizie

Japanese     Shinnen omedeto. Kurisumasu Omedeto

Korean       Sung Tan Chuk Ha

Latin        Natale hilare et Annum Faustum!

Latvian      Prieci'gus Ziemsve'tkus un Laimi'gu Jauno Gadu!
Lithuanian         Linksmu Kaledu

Maltese            LL Milied Lt-tajjeb

Manx               Nollick ghennal as blein vie noa

Maori              Meri Kirihimete

Norwegian          God Jul, or Gledelig Jul

Papua New Guinea Bikpela hamamas blong dispela Krismas na Nupela yia i go long yu

Peru               Feliz Navidad y un Venturoso Año Nuevo

Philippines        Maligayan Pasko!

Polish             Wesolych Swiat Bozego Narodzenia or Boze Narodzenie

Portuguese         Feliz Natal

Romanian           Sarbatori fericite & La multi ani

Russian            Pozdrevlyayu s prazdnikom Rozhdestva is Novim Godom

Samoan             La Maunia Le Kilisimasi Ma Le Tausaga Fou

Serbian            Hristos se rodi

Slovakian          Sretan Bozic or Vesele vianoce

Samoan             La Maunia Le Kilisimasi Ma Le Tausaga Fou

Scots Gaelic       Nollaig chridheil huibh

Serbian            Hristos se rodi.

Slovak             Vesele Vianoce. A stastlivy Novy Rok

Spanish            Feliz Navidad

Swedish            God Jul and (Och) Ett Gott Nytt Ã...r
Thai           Sawadee Pee Mai

Tongan         Mele Kalisimasi

Turkish        Noeliniz Ve Yeni Yiliniz Kutlu Olsun

Ukrainian      Srozhdestvom Kristovym

Urdu           Naya Saal Mubarak Ho

Vietnamese     Chung Mung Giang Sinh

Welsh          Nadolig Llawen

Yugoslavian    Cestitamo Bozic

Will and Guy   Funny Merry Christmas

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