Hypnosis Attractions by alicejenny

VIEWS: 6 PAGES: 8

									                            Hypnosis Attractions
                                A story by Em Gin II

It was midnight, and Dr. Neo Cortex had just finished his work for the evening. Then he
sighed and got into his bed, and started talking, to the only company in his room:
Cortex: Why does no-one listen to me?
Pillow: ………
Cortex: Why does no-one talk to me?
Pillow: ………
Cortex: Why does everyone loathe me? If no-one responds now, I will accept that no-one
loves me!
Pillow: ………
Cortex: Why does no-one care for me?
Pillow: ……...
Cortex: Why does Crash Bandicoot exist to destroy my hopes?
Pillow: Because the world has to have a hero, dumb-bum. And anyway, a barge-pole
could destroy your hopes!
Cortex: Hey, wow! My pillow just spoke to me! Speak to me again!
Pillow: Ack! Err, I meant ………
Cortex: Well, stuff you! *Throws pillow against wall*
Pillow: Ouch… You’ll pay for this! *Grabs Cortex’s hypnotising kit*
Cortex: *Stares into pendulum* ……..
Pillow: When I click… err… wait! I don’t have fingers! When I throw myself against the
ground you will fall in love with the next person you see and sees you back! Err… not
including me! *Throws itself on ground* Never mess with… pillow power!
HAHAHAhahahaaaa!!!
Cortex: WHY you… *Gets axe* MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! *Hacks pillow into a million pieces*
Now, I’ll go to bed… hey… wait! Where’s my pillow?!

The next day Cortex woke up at around ten o’ clock with a hungry cat and a massive
headache. He fed the cat and went outside. There he saw N. Gin and Brio talking and
feeding the birds and Tiny.
Tiny: Tiny want more bread!
Brio: It’s for the birds. See, you’re scaring them away!
Tiny: TINY WANT MORE BREAD!
Brio: *Scared* Okay! Okay! *Gives him bread*
Tiny: Brio give Tiny too much bread! *Roars*
Brio: AHH! Don’t do that!
Tiny: Purr!
Suddenly, Cortex looked straight at N. Gin who stopped feeding the birds and stared
straight back as if to say, “What the HELL are you staring at me for, you idiot!” Then
Cortex went into a daze. His vision blurred and his eyes became big love-hearts. He could
no longer see around him. He slowly recovered his senses and walked over to where Brio
and N. Gin were sitting.
Cortex: ACK! N. Gin, you’re so cute!
N. Gin: Eh? *Comes over to Cortex and puts his hand on Cortex’s forehead* Umm, Dr
Cortex? Do you feel un-well? Maybe you’ve had too many of those don’t-take-over-the-
world-tablets…
Cortex: *Dreamily* So… beautiful…
N. Gin: Huh? *Looks around* I don’t see anything beautiful around here…
Osama Bin Laden: *Coughs* Eh hem…
Brio: Huh, that’s wishful thinking. You’re about as beautiful as Cortex is after he’s taken
ten of those don’t-take-over-the-world-tablets instead of one, washes them down with
whatever potion or test is in the laboratory and then washes his hair with bananas for
shampoo and eggs for a conditioner!
Osama Bin Laden: L *Digs a hole underground* I’m gonna stays in here now.
Brio: GOOD! Oh, anyway, you could make a salad out of Cortex’s hair-care products!
N. Gin: How come?
Brio: He uses lettuce and salad dressing instead of a two in one!
N. Gin: *Runs a hand absent-mindedly through his hair* Ah… wonderful. I don’t suppose
you’d worry about that, though?
Brio: *Grinning* Nope! *Runs his hand over his hairless head* Though it looks like YOU
wash your hair in carrot juice…
N. Gin: *Winces considerably* ACK! Ouch… that hurt!
Brio: *Looks around* What? I didn’t touch you!
Cortex: *Dreamily* No, don’t listen to him… you’re so beautiful, N. Gin!
N. Gin: Double ack! We haven’t given him those don’t-take-over-the-world-tablets for
ages! *Hits his head in frustration* Then what is it!? Are you sure he hasn’t lost it?
Brio: *laughs* Hahaha! N. Gin, he’s got a crush on you! *Starts singing* He’s got a
crush… on you… he hopes you feel the way he does… he gets a rush when he’s with you,
ooh, he’s got a crush on you… (a crush on you!)
N. Gin: *Angry* Brio! You know how much I hate that song! I don’t like Mandy Moore! I
like… *goes dreamy* Britney Spears!
Brio: Hang on… wasn’t she going out with that N*Sync guy, Justin?
N. Gin: Yeah, but they broke up recently! J
Cortex: N. Gin… I love you!!! *Faints from it all and the hypnosis after-effects*
Brio: Poor guy! He has bad taste! I mean, Mandy Moore is so much better!
N. Gin: I absolutely agree! Wait a sec… BRIO!!!!!!!
*Brio and N. Gin take Cortex and lie him down in his room, shut the door and leave, and
we can still hear Brio singing ‘Crush’ as they go down the stairs*

When Cortex came to, he was confused and upset. While part of him was feeling like it
did when he saw a bikini-clad woman down at the beach, the other half of him was
talking, well, arguing with the other. Cortex decided to let them battle it out for a bit, and
relax while he had the chace to…
Devil side: Hey! You know you want him!
Angel side: No way! He’s a guy! Gross, do you know what your parents would say about
that?
Devil side: Yeah! Don’t do that, or you’ll never have children!
Angel side: Very funny.
Devil side: Yeah, I know!!!
Angel side: But he works for you! You don’t want to go out with your employee!
Devil side: Hey, look at Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky!
Angel side: True… but who wants to be like them?
Devil side: Well, Cortie, whatcha going to do, ol’ buddy ol’ pal? C’mon, you’re not going
to neglect your good friend Devil, are you? I mean, we all know Angel’s wrong… all
angels are!
Angel side: What about your angelic side, Neo? You can’t have forgotten the time you
helped a poor innocent child up where he had fallen just the other day…
Devil side: …and then pushed him into the hole where they were doing roadworks!
Angel side: You weren’t supposed to say that! Or what about the time you lent some
money to dear old Mrs Peters-Christy across the street…
Devil side: …and then told her you charged 99% interest!
Angel side: Devil! Shut up!

Meanwhile, Brio and N. Gin were in the main area where everyone was talking and
laughing. But they were sitting quietly in the corner so as to not disturb anyone… or that
was what was supposed to happen…
N. Gin: I don’t what’s wrong with him! He was fine when I spoke to him yesterday
afternoon!
Brio: Maybe he’s just realised his… *his voice goes dreamy* …destiny!
N. Gin: *Furious* BRIO!!!!!! SHUT… UP!!!!!! *Missile goes off and scorches the ceiling*
*Everyone looks at him*
N. Gin: Err… nothing…
*Everyone starts talking again*
Brio: That was good! Look at what you’ve done to the ceiling! It took us an hour to paint
it too!
N. Gin: *Starts off cold and menacing* You know this is not what we are supposed to be
talking about. Do you have any potions or something that could do something?
Brio: No, sorry. I wouldn’t know what to do. I’ve never seen this happen before. And…
*starts sniggering* it’s pretty funny…
N. Gin: *Furious* IT IS SO NOT FUNNY!! *Missile goes off again*
*Everyone looks at him*
N. Gin: NOTHING!
*Everyone starts talking again*
Brio: Holy cow! Stop doing that! You’ll burn the place down!
N. Gin: *Fuming, both emotionally and physically* Well, with the amount of water in your
head, you could put it out.
Brio: Water??
N. Gin: Well, there isn’t anything else, so water’ll have to do. It’s fairly light and it could
enter through the hole in your head and I’m not talking about your nose or your mouth.
Brio: ACK! That hurt!
N. Gin: Pay-back for the carrot juice joke, Brio.
Brio: Oh, okay. So we’re even.

Cortex regained his senses from listening to his inner mind talking, feeling amazed and
confused and went down to the main area.
N. Gin: ACK! I don’t want him to see me! He’s crazy!
Dingodile: Hey, mate!
N. Gin: SHH! He might hear me…
Dingodile: Hey, Cortex, mate! You looking for N. Gin?
Cortex: YES!
N. Gin: AHH SHUT UP! *Grabs bazooka* You’ll be sorry for ever saying that…
Dingodile: EEK! *Closes his eyes, says his prayers until he opens them and…*
Cortex: I love you, N. Gin! *kiss*
N. Gin: *drops bazooka in astonishment and disgust* Get… off… me… *pushes at him*
Cortex: *Hugs him* I love you so much! *Kiss*
N. Gin: Ahh, gross! Brio! Help me out here!
Brio: *Yells* Hey! Get off him!
N. Gin: *Gives Brio the most incredibly greasy greasy*
Brio: Well, I tried…
N. Tropy: *Comes in* What the hell is wrong with Dr Cortex?
N. Gin: I don’t know and I don’t care, just get him off me!!!!! *Pushes at him*
Cortex: I love you so much…. *kiss, kiss*
N. Tropy: You look like you’re enjoying it!
N. Gin: WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?! *Shoves Cortex off finally and lunges at N. Tropy* You’ll eat
those words! *Nods at Brio*
Brio: Got it!
Two hours later:
N. Gin: *Still fuming* I TOLD you you’d eat those words!
N. Tropy: I think the ‘enjoying’ needed more icing! *Licks his fingers*
Brio: Sorry, I‘m not a very good cook. I just chucked in whatever I could find in the
fridge…
N. Gin: *Looks in fridge* Hey! Brio, your fertiliser experiment isn’t in the fridge anymore!
Brio: Oh! Whoops! *Grins sheepishly* Oh well, we all make mistakes, right?
N. Tropy: *Holds his stomach* Urrrghh… I don’t feel so good…
Brio: We’d better lie him down, I’ll get the bowl, okay?

Cortex was very upset at being rejected by N. Gin, so he thought of a sneaky plan
overnight (with Devil side helping him) and if he could say so himself, it was quite a good
one.
Cortex: If I can say so myself, it’s quite a good one!
He went downstairs and went over to N. Gin who was in the process of yelling hell at
Dingodile about yesterday.
“Err… yes?” N. Gin asked uncomfortably. Cortex tried to look as sincere as possible. “I’m
really sorry about before… I don’t know what came over me. Can we talk it over?” He
asked. “Yes, okay,” N. Gin smiled, visibly relaxing. Cortex tried to keep himself under
control. “I don’t know what came over you either. Are you okay?” Cortex grinned. He felt
as though if he could get any happier he would fly through the roof.
They went down to Cortex’s room, and Cortex, now grinning like a mixture of Luna Park
and Crash Bandicoot shut the door, and locked it. That’s when things started to get…
err… well, you can read!
N. Gin: *Worried* Okay, why’d you lock the door?
Cortex: I LOVE YOU!
*Then suddenly, a spectre appears*
Cortex: DAMN YOU! Can’t you see… we’re… busy!
N. Gin: …Make that y-you’re, keep me out of t-this…
Spectre: I am the ghost of Pillow!
Cortex: Hey! I don’t want a ghost of a pillow! I want a real pillow! Ever since mine went,
I’ve been getting a really sore neck!
Pillow ghost: ……..
Cortex: Don’t start.
Pillow ghost: Okay. Remember my words. You must get kissed by the person you love
before the hypnosis will be broken. That means you, N. Gin!
N. Gin: TRIPLE ACK!!! If you think I’m gonna kiss him you’ve got another thing coming!
Pillow ghost: Another two things…
Cortex: WHAT?!
Pillow ghost: ……...
Cortex: DON’T DO THAT! YOU’RE WORSE THEN THE HOLE IN BRIO’S HEAD!
N. Gin: Hey! You weren’t there when I said that!
Cortex: Oops, sorry. Did you say that?!
N. Gin: Yup.
Pillow ghost: You must do it by midnight tomorrow otherwise he will remain in love with
you forever!!!
N. Gin: *Gasp* What?
Pillow ghost: You should be more grateful. I begged with everyone for an hour before
they let me give you the extra day!
N. Gin: So you’re saying that I would’ve had to have kissed him by midnight TONIGHT!?
Pillow ghost: Yup.
N. Gin: EEK! Maybe I should jump out of the window…
Pillow ghost: Don’t do that! If you do, he will follow and he’d love you as a ghost, and
ghosts can’t kiss, so you’d have no hope of getting rid of the hypnosis!
N. Gin: *Gasps again* How do you know?
Pillow ghost: I saw the ghost of my girlfriend, Pillowetta but we couldn’t kiss even though
we tried.
Cortex: How’d she die?
Pillow ghost: Same way as me, from memory.
Cortex: Err… *hastily changes subject* what was the second thing?
Pillow ghost: The kiss must be… on the lips.
N. Gin: WHAT!!!!!! THIS IS GETTING WORSE AND WORSE!!!!!!
Pillow ghost: Well, it’s the only way to show that you love him.
N. Gin: *Confused, now* But I don’t!
Pillow ghost: Huh? Hang on… that won’t work! Start again! You must… ahh, here we go…
hate each other before midnight tomorrow. Sorry, I’m doing my friend’s reading as well.
All Pillow ghosts look the same, see.
N. Gin: Phew…
Cortex: *Horrified* WHAT? How could I do that?
Pillow ghost: I dunno. It wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t kill me though. Bye! *Flies
out of window and disappears*
Cortex: *Starts sobbing* I can’t do that!
N. Gin: Yes you can! Umm… you smell!
Cortex: Thankyou! J It sounded so sweet the way you said it!
N. Gin: Grr… you were supposed to be annoyed by that! Yes it was a lame insult, I know.
But get annoyed! *Unlocks the door* C’mon, get annoyed! *Slaps him across the face*
Cortex: Ouch! That hurt!
Brio: Umm… N. Gin, have you gone crazy too?
N. Gin: No, I have to get him to hate me! *Quick-slaps Cortex’s face*
Cortex: Hey!
Brio: Why?
N. Gin: *Turns around and quick-slaps Brio* Don’t ask questions!
Brio: Why you…
N. Gin: Vent your rage on him, not me!
Brio: *About to tackle him* You hit me!
*N. Gin dodges and Brio tackles Cortex by mistake*
Cortex: L Why does everyone hate me!!! L
N. Gin: Err… Jessica Simpson doesn’t hate you…
Jessica Simpson: Yes I do! K
Cortex: L
Brio: You should be grateful, Dr. Cortex. At least you don’t wash your hair in orange
juice! J
N. Gin: You said carrot juice before, you arsehole. And I do NOT wash m hair in ORANGE
or CARROT JUICE!!!!!!!!!
Brio: Oh, did I? Oops. But I think orange juice is so much more suitable! J
N. Gin: Oh really? Well you’re so stupid you stared at the juice bottle for half an hour
because it said ‘concentrate!’
Cortex: Don’t be mean to him, Brio!
Brio: N. Gin, you’re so dumb that if brains were chocolate, you wouldn’t have enough to
fill half a smartie!
N. Gin: You’re so stupid that if brains were electricity you’d be a walking blackout!
Brio: If your brains were water, we wouldn’t have to worry about a tidal wave!
N. Gin: *Sighs* Anyway, we were saying?
Brio: When God was giving out brains, you thought he was giving out milkshakes, and
asked for a thick one!
N. Gin: Before that! L
Brio: Well… anyway… what is happening with Cortex, N. Gin?
N. Gin: How the $@#% am I supposed to know?!
Brio: You’re the one he’s so madly in love with!
Cortex: MUAHA! I love you!
N. Gin: Gross, why didn’t he tell us before he was gay?
Brio: You can’t talk, I’m sure you have been gay once!
N. Gin: *Horrified* WHAT? No way. I mean…
Brio: *Coughs* Eh hem…
N. Gin: *Blushing* I’m sorry, getting drunk after seven glasses of port does NOT count!
Brio: And…
N. Gin: *Blushing furiously* Nothing happened!
Brio: I don’t believe you!
N. Gin: Why?
Brio: Because I was the other guy!!!
N. Gin: Oh @#%$…
Brio: But yes… *starts blushing too* we WERE drunk… and, err… nothing happened! ^_^
Cortex: WHAT!? You guys were gay?
N. Gin: No, we were drunk. There’s a difference.
Brio: Oh boy… I so got drunk that night… and in the morning…
N. Gin: ….we had hangovers the size of Mount Fuji!
Brio: And… I was missing… err… let’s not go down that track…
N. Gin: Yes Brio, I know it must’ve been hard for you, losing your favourite teddy bear…
Brio: *Crying* RUPERT! Wherever you are… I love you!
Cortex: I don’t believe this… N. Gin, how could you?
Brio: He’s weakened! Throw in a big insult and he might begin to hate you!
N. Gin: Yeah! Okay! Err… you smell!
Cortex: *Crying* I don’t believe it! I HATE YOU!
Suddenly, Cortex is lifted into the air. His face emits a beam of light, and his hands, and
his feet, and he stares at the ceiling transfixed as the ‘transformation’ takes place…
Brio: where have I seen this before?
N. Gin: Shrek AND Beauty and the Beast!
Brio: I knew I saw it before!
Cortex: *Falls to the ground* Ouch! *Gets up* What are you two idiots lounging around
for? Get up and start working before I feed your heads to Tiny and his lions!
Brio: I’d like to see them eat OUR heads…
N. Gin: *Starts laughing* Yeah! I think I know what you mean!
Brio: Oh my god! YOU DO? Hey, everyone, N. Gin knows something!
N. Gin: Well, it’s great that things are back to normal!
Cortex: Hurry up, you imbeciles!
Brio: Yep, things are back to normal!
N. Gin: Hey, you better check on N. Tropy. What exactly did you add in that fertiliser
experiment anyway?
Brio: Err… fertiliser!


It was midnight, and Dr. Neo Cortex had just finished his work for the evening. Then he
sighed and got into his bed, and started talking, to the only company in his room:
Cortex: Why does no-one listen to me?
Pillow: ………


~* It’s a vicious cycle! But it’s also the end! Believe it or not, this took me some time,
some bagging carrots, killing pillows, inspecting fertiliser, some looking at guys taking an
hour to apply hair gel, some drinking port, (Only kidding, I am 13) and lots of listening to
“Because I got high” But anyways, here are some out-takes of the story! ^_^ Please
read! *~

N. Gin: *Furious* BRIO!!!!!! SHUT… UP!!!!!! *Missile goes off and scorches the ceiling*
Ouch! Gee, I wonder how they work these props! I dunno, but I have the feeling I
shouldn’t have worn hair gel today! *Takes missile prop off* Yup, I knew it! Hang on,
gotta redo my hair!
Director: But there’s more stuff to film, you nincompoop!
N. Gin: I know, but the heat from that thing will melt my hair gel! Gross!
Brio: This thing is killing me! *rips off Brio-head*
Cortex: My god, how could three idiots have such bad hairstyles? *Takes off wig*
Brio: At least they don’t have an afro… in REAL LIFE!
Cortex: Well at least I don’t have hippy hair that hangs down to my waist! IN REAL LIFE!
N. Gin: *Coming back* What are you guys arguing about?
Cortex: He’s bagging my afro!
Brio: He’s bagging my hippy hair! The little @#%$!
N. Gin: In REAL LIFE as you say, I’m the only one that has a halfway normal hairstyle!
*Smooths hair gel*
Brio: *Whispers to Cortex* At least we don’t wash our hair in carrot juice…
N. Gin: I HEARD THAT! *Bangs their heads together* Oh, damn! Now I have to redo my
hair…

Cortex: *Dreamily* So… beautiful…
N. Gin: Huh? *Looks around* I don’t see anything beautiful around here…
Osama Bin Laden: *Coughs* Eh hem…
Brio: Huh, that’s wishful thinking. You’re about as beautiful as Cortex is after he’s taken
ten of those don’t-take-over-the-world-tablets instead of one, washes them down with
whatever potion or test is in the laboratory and then washes his hair with bananas for
shampoo and eggs for a conditioner!
N. Gin: And bacon fritters!* Mmm… yum!
Brio: Gee, you idiot, we’re supposed to be thinking of ugly stuff!
N. Gin: You’re about as beautiful as Brio!
Brio: *dreamily* I… never knew you felt that way…
N. Gin: And that isn’t very beautiful! ^_^
Brio: WHAT! *snatches N. Gin’s missile and makes it go off* Oh no! My face! *rips off the
Brio face*
Cortex: Your hippy hair can’t be gelled! That’s good!
Brio: Well, you’re the afro-man!
Cortex: Isn’t he a singer?
N. Gin: Re-gelling his hair* Yeah! He is! You know… I messed up my entire life because I
got high… I lost my kids and wife because I got high…
Cortex: Say what, say what, say what, say what?
N. Gin: Now, I’m sleeping on the sidewalk, and I know why…
Brio: Why, man?
N. Gin: Yeah, because I got high, because I got high, because I got high…
Brio: La da da da da da...

*Bacon fritters: you don’t know about them, read my other story!

Brio: You can’t talk, I’m sure you have been gay once!
N. Gin: *Horrified* WHAT? No way. I mean…
Brio: *Coughs* Eh hem…
N. Gin: *Blushing* I’m sorry, getting drunk after seven glasses of port does NOT count!
Brio: And…
N. Gin: *Blushing furiously* Nothing happened!
Brio: I don’t believe you!
N. Gin: Why?
Brio: Because I was the other guy!!!
N. Gin: Oh @#%$…
Brio: But yes… *starts blushing too* we WERE drunk… and, err… nothing happened! ^_^
Cortex: WHAT!? You guys were gay?
Brio: N. Gin was.
N. Gin: Err… Brio was. No wait… Brio is!
Brio: *Horrified* What?
N. Gin: Don’t tell me… I saw you with N. Tropy the other day!
Brio: I was… err… drunk!
N. Gin: Don’t give me that @#%$. I’ve heard that excuse already today… err… wait…
Brio: YOU IDIOT! Now they know we weren’t drunk!
N. Gin: But… nothing happened…. Anyway, I don’t drink port.
Brio: Yeah, nothing happened, what a load of crap… and we were drunk? What a lame
excuse… err… wait on…
N. Gin: BRIO! We were… err… drunk!
Cortex: Gross, you’re gay!
N. Gin: You can’t talk, you’re the one that loves me, you idiot!
Cortex: Oh, oops! I thought you were a girl! My mistake!
N. Gin: WHAT!!! *Missile goes off* Oops, I need to stop for a sec… my hair! *Runs off*
Brio: We wouldn’t be gay if N. Gin was a girl!
Cortex: But I thought he was a girl! You knew he wasn’t! That makes you gay and me…
umm… not gay!
Brio: I did too…
Cortex: What a lame excuse! Like anyone will buy that! I thought he was a girl! HAHAHA!
Err… wait a sec…


~* And so concludes the story ~Hypnosis Attractions~! I hope you enjoy reading it as
much as I did writing it! Thankyou to anyone who reads it, and people who encouraged
me to continue the first bit of it! *~

								
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