Emotional Intelligence by 64wnla6f


									Emotional Intelligence

     Why it is important
50% of time wasted in
business is due to lack
of trust
(John O. Whitney, Director, Deming Center for Quality
The primary causes of executive
career problems are EQ related:
difficulty in handling change, not
being able to work well in a
team, and poor interpersonal
relations (Center for Creative Leadership)
The reasons for losing
customers and clients are
70% EQ-related,
e.g., didn’t like
company’s customer service
(Forum Corporation on Manufacturing and Service Companies, 2004-
companies with
"engaged" workforces
are up to 40%
more profitable
Source+ Fortune OCT, 2005
The most effective
leaders in the US Navy
were warmer, more
outgoing, emotionally
 dramatic, and sociable
(Bachman, 1988)
      A Few Principles
•   All humans have basic emotional needs
•   Each of us has similar, but different emotional needs
•   Emotional needs vary more in degree than in type
•   Emotional needs vary more than physical needs
•   Emotional needs are more basic and more important than
•   Negative feelings are indications of our unmet emotional needs
•   Feelings are real and are not debatable.
•   Invalidation destroys self-esteem
•   High self-esteem is needed for productivity, job satisfaction,
    and customer service
•   Group harmony requires both mutual need satisfaction and
    mutual respect of feelings.
 Importance of Emotions
• Our bodies communicate with us and others to tell
  us what we need
• The better our communication, the better we feel
• Emotions help us establish our boundaries
• Emotions have the potential to unite and connect
• Emotions can serve as our inner moral and ethical
• Emotions are essential for good decision making
Components of HIGH EQ
 • Self-awareness. Knowing how you feel in "real
 • Emotional literacy. Being able to label
   emotions precisely. Being able to talk about
   feelings with others.
 • Empathy and compassion. The ability to feel
   and understand the emotions of others.
 • Balance. Being able to make decisions using a
   healthy balance of emotion and reason.
 • Responsibility. Taking primary responsibility
   for your own emotions and happiness. Not
   saying that others "made" you feel the way you
A Simple Definition of EQ

• Knowing how you
  and others feel and
  what to do about it.
Primary and Secondary Emotions

• Primary emotions identify our unmet
  emotional needs (UEN's);
• secondary emotions are not so clear.
• For example, if I say I feel ignored, I
  need to feel acknowledged.
• But if I say I feel angry, it is not clear
  what emotional specific need is unmet
 • Acknowledge, accept, understand and
   nurture feelings
 • To validate someone is to accept their
 • Validation is one of the keys to
   emotional intelligence
 • Validating someone allows them to
   accept themselves
 • Self-acceptance is a key to high self-
 • Often, the only thing we need is
   validation to feel better
• Invalidation is to reject, ignore, mock,
  tease, judge, or diminish someone's
• Invalidation goes beyond mere rejection
  by implying not only that our feelings
  are disapproved of, but that we are
  fundamentally abnormal.
• It kills confidence, creativity and
Examples of how we are
• We are told we shouldn't feel the way
  we feel
• We are dictated not to feel the way we
• We are told we are too sensitive, too
• We are ignored
• We are judged
• We are led to believe there is something
  wrong with us for feeling how we feel
Problems caused by negative feelings
• Increase in defensiveness
• Turnover
• Absenteeism
• Lost work time
• Inefficient communication
• Dishonesty, secrecy, evasiveness
• Decrease in creativity
• Fear of risk-taking, criticism, judgment and
• Inefficient problem solving
• Increased personal attacks
When we have negative feelings
we are more…
•   critical
•   aggressive
•   judgmental
•   closed-minded
•   non-accepting
•   disapproving
•   impatient
•   inflexible
Common Negative Feelings Among
•   Disrespected    •   Hindered
•   Unappreciated   •   Over-controlled
•   Unfulfilled     •   Underestimated
•   Unchallenged    •   Powerless
•   Unmotivated     •   Overworked
•   Apathetic       •   Underpaid
•   Exploited       •   Stressed
•   Bored           •   Judged
•   Criticized      •   Replaceable
•   Unsupported     •   Unimportant
                    •   Afraid and Insecure
More Desired Feeling Management
Can Initiate
  •   Respected      •   Appreciated
  •   Acknowledged   •   Important
  •   Supported      •   Special
  •   Helped
                     •   Irreplaceable
  •   Trusted
                     •   Useful
                     •   Needed
                     •   Valued and
When Our Emotional Needs Are
Met We Are More
•   productive      •   cooperative
•   motivated       •   open-minded
•   adventurous
•   patient         •   flexible
•   complimentary   •   understanding
•   creative        •   empathetic
                    •   compassionate
                    •   accepting
Communicating Negative feelings

• Express your specific feeling
  (Example, I am afraid that...)
• Ask for help (Can you help me
• Avoid "you messages" which put
  other on the defense
• Avoid judging, labeling and
A Five Step Plan To Manage
1. Identify the primary feelings.
2. Identify the cause of the feelings.
3. Ask what would help (me/you) feel
4. Generate options.
5. Choose the best option.
• All humans need to feel respected,
  even the least powerful
• To show respect to someone we must
  respect their feelings
• Respecting feelings includes asking
  about feelings, validation and
• Respecting someone means asking
  how they would feel before making
  decisions which affect them
How it Works in Customer Service
• Teach
  representatives to    • Avoid saying
  look for and            things like "It is
  validate feelings -     company policy."
  Ask what would          "I am not
  help the customer       authorized to do
  feel better             that." "There is
                          nothing I can do."
• Use a simple scale      "You should have
  such as 0-10 for        gotten the
  each feeling            person's name."
Key Feelings you want Customers and
Employees to have

  •   Respected
  •   Important
  •   Remembered
  •   Acknowledged
  •   Satisfied
  •   Helped
  •   Understood
• Start talking about   • Strike a balance
  feelings                between emotion
                          and logic
• Start respecting
  them                  • Develop the EQ
                          skills throughout
• Include feelings in     the organization
  decision making
  and problem           • Make your business
  resolution              a place of mutual
                          respect for feelings
• Listen to the most
  sensitive people in   • Identify the key
  the organization        feelings important
                          for success

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