Thought versus Feeling List
What we THINK others are doing to us (Victim words)
The following list is neither definitive nor exhaustive. It includes examples of evaluative words we use and often
confuse with our true feelings and needs. Evaluative words imply we are powerless and that someone is doing
something to us. They generally suggest ‘wrongness’ or ‘blame’.
Evaluative Words Feeling/s Need/s
Terrified, hurt, bewildered, Nurturing, connection, belonging, support,
sad, frightened, lonely: Caning.
Caring, nurturing, support, emotional or
Abused Upset, frustrated, frightened.
physical wellbeing, consideration.
Upset, scared, frightened, Acceptance, inclusion, connection,
annoyed. community, belonging, contribution.
Attacked Scared, angry. Safety.
Angry, frustrated, tense, Respect, autonomy, to be seen,
distressed. acknowledgment, appreciation.
Scared, confused, hostile, Accountability, causality, fairness, respect,
bewildered, hurt. justice.
Bullied Angry, scared, pressured. Autonomy, choice, safety, consideration.
Caged I trapped /
Angry, thwarted, scared, anxious. Autonomy, choice, freedom.
Cheated Hurt, angry. Honesty, fairness, justice, trust, reliability.
Coerced Choice, autonomy, freedom.
Cornered Scared, anxious, thwarted. Autonomy, freedom.
Hurt, scared, anxious, Understanding, acknowledgment,
frustrated, embarrassed. recognition, respect.
Discounted I Hurt, angry, embarrassed, Need to matter, acknowledgment, inclusion,
diminished frustrated. recognition, respect.
Connection, appreciation, understanding,
Disliked Sad, lonely, hurt, anxious.
acknowledgment, friendship, inclusion.
Distrusted Sad, frustrated. Trust, honesty.
Dumped on Angry, overwhelmed. Respect, consideration, peace.
Excluded Sad, lonely, anxious. Inclusion, belonging, community.
Harassed Angry, frustrated, frightened. Respect, space, consideration, peace.
Hassled Irritated, distressed, angry. Serenity, autonomy, choice calm, space.
Lonely, scared, hurt, sad, Connection, belonging, inclusion,
embarrassed. participation, communication, to be heard.
Insulted Embarrassed, angry. Respect consideration, to be heard.
Interrupted Frustrated, hurt. To be heard, respect, consideration.
Intimidated Hurt, frustrated, angry. Appreciated, respect, acknowledgment.
Invisible Sad, lonely, scared. To be seen and heard, inclusion, belonging.
Evaluative Words Feeling/s Need/s
Inclusion, belonging, community,
Left out Sad, lonely, anxious.
Let down Disappointed, frightened, sad. Consistency, trust, support, dependability.
Scared, powerless, frustrated, Autonomy, empowerment, trust, equality,
thwarted. freedom, choice, connection, genuineness.
Frustrated, sad, lonely, Inclusion, belonging, community,
Mistrusted Sad, disappointed. Trust.
Misunderstood Frustrated, upset. Understanding, clarity, to be heard.
Connection, inclusion, participation,
Neglected Lonely, scared, anxious.
community, care, consideration.
Overpowered Helpless, confused, anxious. Equality, justice, autonomy, freedom.
Overworked Tired, frustrated, exhausted. Respect, consideration, rest, caring.
Recognition, equality, equity, respect,
Patronised Frustrated, annoyed, stressed.
Pressured Anxious, overwhelmed. Relaxation, clarity, space, consideration.
Provoked Frustrated, angry. Respect, consideration.
Put down Embarrassed, sad, annoyed. Respect, acknowledgment, understanding.
Belonging, inclusion, closeness, to be seen,
Rejected Hurt, sad, scared, disappointed.
acknowledgment, trust, respect.
Consideration, justice, fairness,
Ripped off / screwed Disappointed, angry.
Space, freedom, autonomy, authenticity,
Smothered / suffocated Frustrated, fearful, desperation. self-expression.
Appreciation, acknowledgment, recognition,
Taken for granted Sad, hurt, angry, disappointed.
Scared, frightened, alarmed,
Threatened Safety, autonomy.
Empowerment, connection, community,
Trampled Frustrated, overwhelmed.
equality, respect, equity.
Tricked Embarrassed, resentful. Integrity, trust, honest.
Appreciation, respect, acknowledgment,
Unappreciated Sad, hurt, frustrated.
Unheard Sad, frustrated. To be heard, understanding, empathy.
Unloved Bewildered, sad, frustrated. Love, appreciation, empathy, connection.
Unseen Sad, anxious, frustrated. Acknowledgment, appreciation, to be seen.
Unsupported Sad, hurt. Support, understanding, cooperation.
Unwanted Sad, anxious, frustrated. Belonging, inclusion, caring.
Used Sad, angry, resentful. Autonomy, equality, consideration.
Victimised Frightened, helpless. Empowerment, mutuality, safety, justice.
Violated Sad, agitated, anxiety. Privacy, safety, trust, space, respect.
Wronged Hurt, irritated, resentful. Respect, justice, trust, safety, fairness.