Thoughts_versus_Feelings

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					                       Thought versus Feeling List
                    What we THINK others are doing to us (Victim words)
The following list is neither definitive nor exhaustive. It includes examples of evaluative words we use and often
confuse with our true feelings and needs. Evaluative words imply we are powerless and that someone is doing
something to us. They generally suggest ‘wrongness’ or ‘blame’.



Evaluative Words Feeling/s                                                   Need/s
                                  Terrified, hurt, bewildered,               Nurturing, connection, belonging, support,
Abandoned
                                  sad, frightened, lonely:                   Caning.
                                                                             Caring, nurturing, support, emotional or
Abused                            Upset, frustrated, frightened.
                                                                             physical wellbeing, consideration.
                                  Upset, scared, frightened,                 Acceptance, inclusion, connection,
Not accepted
                                  annoyed.                                   community, belonging, contribution.
Attacked                          Scared, angry.                             Safety.
                                  Angry, frustrated, tense,                  Respect, autonomy, to be seen,
Belittled
                                  distressed.                                acknowledgment, appreciation.
                                  Scared, confused, hostile,                 Accountability, causality, fairness, respect,
Blamed
                                  bewildered, hurt.                          justice.
Bullied                           Angry, scared, pressured.                  Autonomy, choice, safety, consideration.
Caged I trapped /
                                  Angry, thwarted, scared, anxious.          Autonomy, choice, freedom.
boxed-in
Cheated                           Hurt, angry.                               Honesty, fairness, justice, trust, reliability.
                                  Frustrated, frightened,
Coerced                                                                      Choice, autonomy, freedom.
                                  thwarted, scared.

Cornered                          Scared, anxious, thwarted.                 Autonomy, freedom.

                                  Hurt, scared, anxious,                     Understanding, acknowledgment,
Criticised
                                  frustrated, embarrassed.                    recognition, respect.
Discounted I                      Hurt, angry, embarrassed,                   Need to matter, acknowledgment, inclusion,
diminished                        frustrated.                                 recognition, respect.
                                                                             Connection, appreciation, understanding,
Disliked                          Sad, lonely, hurt, anxious.
                                                                             acknowledgment, friendship, inclusion.
Distrusted                         Sad, frustrated.                          Trust, honesty.

Dumped on                         Angry, overwhelmed.                        Respect, consideration, peace.

Excluded                           Sad, lonely, anxious.                     Inclusion, belonging, community.

Harassed                          Angry, frustrated, frightened.             Respect, space, consideration, peace.

Hassled                           Irritated, distressed, angry.              Serenity, autonomy, choice calm, space.

                                  Lonely, scared, hurt, sad,                 Connection, belonging, inclusion,
Ignored
                                  embarrassed.                               participation, communication, to be heard.
Insulted                          Embarrassed, angry.                        Respect consideration, to be heard.

Interrupted                       Frustrated, hurt.                          To be heard, respect, consideration.

Intimidated                       Hurt, frustrated, angry.                   Appreciated, respect, acknowledgment.

Invisible                         Sad, lonely, scared.                       To be seen and heard, inclusion, belonging.
Evaluative Words Feeling/s                                   Need/s
                                                             Inclusion, belonging, community,
Left out                 Sad, lonely, anxious.
                                                             connection.
Let down                 Disappointed, frightened, sad.      Consistency, trust, support, dependability.
                         Scared, powerless, frustrated,      Autonomy, empowerment, trust, equality,
Manipulated
                         thwarted.                           freedom, choice, connection, genuineness.
                         Frustrated, sad, lonely,            Inclusion, belonging, community,
Marginalised
                         distressed.                         connection.
Mistrusted               Sad, disappointed.                  Trust.

Misunderstood            Frustrated, upset.                  Understanding, clarity, to be heard.
                                                             Connection, inclusion, participation,
Neglected                Lonely, scared, anxious.
                                                             community, care, consideration.
Overpowered              Helpless, confused, anxious.        Equality, justice, autonomy, freedom.

Overworked               Tired, frustrated, exhausted.       Respect, consideration, rest, caring.
                                                             Recognition, equality, equity, respect,
Patronised               Frustrated, annoyed, stressed.
                                                             mutuality.
Pressured                Anxious, overwhelmed.               Relaxation, clarity, space, consideration.

Provoked                 Frustrated, angry.                  Respect, consideration.

Put down                 Embarrassed, sad, annoyed.          Respect, acknowledgment, understanding.

                                                             Belonging, inclusion, closeness, to be seen,
Rejected                 Hurt, sad, scared, disappointed.
                                                             acknowledgment, trust, respect.
                                                             Consideration, justice, fairness,
Ripped off / screwed     Disappointed, angry.
                                                             acknowledgment, recognition.
                                                             Space, freedom, autonomy, authenticity,
Smothered / suffocated   Frustrated, fearful, desperation.   self-expression.
                                                             Appreciation, acknowledgment, recognition,
Taken for granted        Sad, hurt, angry, disappointed.
                                                             consideration.
                         Scared, frightened, alarmed,
Threatened                                                   Safety, autonomy.
                         agitated, anxious.
                                                             Empowerment, connection, community,
Trampled                 Frustrated, overwhelmed.
                                                             equality, respect, equity.
Tricked                  Embarrassed, resentful.             Integrity, trust, honest.
                                                             Appreciation, respect, acknowledgment,
Unappreciated            Sad, hurt, frustrated.
                                                             consideration.
Unheard                  Sad, frustrated.                    To be heard, understanding, empathy.

Unloved                  Bewildered, sad, frustrated.        Love, appreciation, empathy, connection.

Unseen                   Sad, anxious, frustrated.           Acknowledgment, appreciation, to be seen.

Unsupported              Sad, hurt.                          Support, understanding, cooperation.

Unwanted                 Sad, anxious, frustrated.           Belonging, inclusion, caring.

Used                     Sad, angry, resentful.              Autonomy, equality, consideration.
Victimised               Frightened, helpless.               Empowerment, mutuality, safety, justice.
Violated                 Sad, agitated, anxiety.             Privacy, safety, trust, space, respect.

Wronged                  Hurt, irritated, resentful.         Respect, justice, trust, safety, fairness.

				
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posted:9/12/2012
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