Key: AWL to Study, Low-frequency Vocabulary
Describe what you think violent communication might
• Fosters compassion and understanding
• Based on the premise that all humans are inherently
good and possess the same universal needs
interpersonal connection, and
of all people.
Do you agree that all humans are inherently good
and possess the same needs? Explain.
• Conflict is always the result of an unmet need.
When parties acknowledge each other’s needs,
disagreements can be dealt with in an effective manner.
Do you agree that conflict is the result of an unmet need?
• Marshall Rosenberg
creator of the NVC technique
commissioned as peace-keeping negotiator among nations
conflict resolution specialist in business
• Rosenberg claims we are raised on a language of
we label, criticize, and judge
Why do you think people label, criticize, and judge
• An outdated use of language:
historical remnant of hierarchical control-based societies,
where ruling class dispensed moral education and external
• Individuals have come to
feel it is their right to label
They do not reflect on the
internal mechanisms that
are causing them distress.
Have you ever judged another person? Do you feel that
other people judge you unfairly?
NVC: Four-part Strategy
• Part one: Identify bothersome behaviors
State behaviors in an unbiased and factual manner.
Say, “The last three times we have made plans, you arrived
more than forty-five minutes late.”
Don’t say, “How dare you
always make me sit and wait
for hours on end?”
Why do you think that stating behaviors in an unbiased
way is a good idea?
• Express feelings elicited by troublesome behavior.
own your feelings
• Do not attribute your emotional
state to an outside source:
Don’t say, “You make me angry…”
flawed logic because a person’s
behavior can be the stimulus but not
the cause of your emotions
Say, “I feel angry…”
Have you ever said, “You make me angry”? Do you agree
that this use of language is flawed logic?
• An unmet personal need results in anger.
• Unmet need with unpunctual friend:
the proper consideration of one’s time
• Say, “I’m feeling angry because I need you to
acknowledge that my time is just as valuable as yours.”
• Important for the listener to provide an empathetic
keeps channels of communication open
sets the stage for the resolution of conflict
Do you find it easy or difficult to state your needs?
• Make a request
once feelings and needs have been clarified.
differentiated from a demand, because the receiver has the
right of refusal
Say, “I am asking that
you make an effort
to arrive on time or
call to let me know
you will be late.”
How would you react if a person refused to comply with
your request? Explain.
• Freedom to act autonomously
No one has the right to coerce another person into doing
something against his or her will.
Do you have autonomy in your life? Explain.