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Non-violent Communication Key: AWL to Study, Low-frequency Vocabulary Describe what you think violent communication might sound like. Non-violent Communication • Fosters compassion and understanding • Based on the premise that all humans are inherently good and possess the same universal needs physical well-being, interpersonal connection, and personal autonomy of all people. Do you agree that all humans are inherently good and possess the same needs? Explain. Conflict • Conflict is always the result of an unmet need. When parties acknowledge each other’s needs, disagreements can be dealt with in an effective manner. Do you agree that conflict is the result of an unmet need? Origins • Marshall Rosenberg creator of the NVC technique commissioned as peace-keeping negotiator among nations conflict resolution specialist in business • Rosenberg claims we are raised on a language of violence. we label, criticize, and judge Why do you think people label, criticize, and judge others? Explain. Violent Communication • An outdated use of language: historical remnant of hierarchical control-based societies, where ruling class dispensed moral education and external justice • Individuals have come to feel it is their right to label and judge. They do not reflect on the internal mechanisms that are causing them distress. Have you ever judged another person? Do you feel that other people judge you unfairly? NVC: Four-part Strategy • Part one: Identify bothersome behaviors State behaviors in an unbiased and factual manner. Say, “The last three times we have made plans, you arrived more than forty-five minutes late.” Don’t say, “How dare you always make me sit and wait for hours on end?” notwithstanding truth, implication escalates hostility Why do you think that stating behaviors in an unbiased way is a good idea? Part Two • Express feelings elicited by troublesome behavior. own your feelings • Do not attribute your emotional state to an outside source: Don’t say, “You make me angry…” flawed logic because a person’s behavior can be the stimulus but not the cause of your emotions Say, “I feel angry…” Have you ever said, “You make me angry”? Do you agree that this use of language is flawed logic? Part Three • An unmet personal need results in anger. • Unmet need with unpunctual friend: the proper consideration of one’s time • Say, “I’m feeling angry because I need you to acknowledge that my time is just as valuable as yours.” • Important for the listener to provide an empathetic response. keeps channels of communication open sets the stage for the resolution of conflict Do you find it easy or difficult to state your needs? Part Four • Make a request once feelings and needs have been clarified. differentiated from a demand, because the receiver has the right of refusal Say, “I am asking that you make an effort to arrive on time or call to let me know you will be late.” How would you react if a person refused to comply with your request? Explain. Autonomy • Freedom to act autonomously No one has the right to coerce another person into doing something against his or her will. Do you have autonomy in your life? Explain.
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