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       To be or to become, that is the question. Who am I? This novel
answers that question as it details the experiences, which I have lived. Who
will I become? That is answered by the desire that I have to continue living
and experience new things. The future holds potential for growth and
development limited only by my lifespan. The past has brought me to where
I now am, helping me to choose where to go and what to do before
becoming deceased.

       I am descended from a long line of victorious warriors. Some have
been encouraged to seek their fortunes in new lands while others have been
hanged, murdered or exiled. Spanish conquistadors, French invaders, British
settlers, Canadian spies and American rebels populate my heritage.

      Much of the family history has been collected through the memories
and research of my father's aunt Virginia, my paternal grandmother and my
mother. I also spent several years researching via the Internet and created a
genealogy chart, which is available at

      My own contribution to this great history has earned me infamy and a
considerable amount of time in prisons and jails. In my travels I have also
met and developed relationships with other notorious contemporaries along
with some who have avoided attracting attention.
      One uncle of mine had been a bank executive doing business in Iran
and India since the days of the Shah. These banks were financing an arms
brokerage, which among other things would secure the release of the
hostages in Tehran back in 1980. The proceeds from those sales would later
wind up in the coffers of Nicaraguan Contras. He gave me several coins
from his travels there including one bearing the Shah's image, which I still

      Another uncle of mine was a physicist who helped develop the
guidance system for the Phoenix missile. He retired a few years ago after
working on several projects designing infrared cameras for satellites that
monitor the locations of nuclear materials around the world.

        While still in high school, I took physics and calculus at Carnegie-
Mellon University in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. There, I met my first
girlfriend. She was the daughter of the personal physician to the dictator
Anastasio Somoza in Nicaragua before the country was overturned by the
communist coup d'etat lead by Daniel Ortega and the Sandanistas in 1979.
She is currently working for Secretário Sr. Carlos Orozco Somoza as a
Consulate at a Nicaraguan Foreign Embassy.

       After high school, I was invited to attend the Foreign Language
Institute in Monterrey, California and accepted at the Naval Academy at
Annapolis, but enlisted in the U.S. Navy in 1986 and became a Nuclear
technician instead. I went to Central America and made connections with
Contra rebels, then broke into a Marine Corps armory and procured plastic
explosives to use against the communists. When George H. W. Bush,
Colonel Oliver North and Admiral John Poindexter got implicated in
supplying weapons to the Contras, I was made a scapegoat and got sent to
the Brig for 10 years.

       In the Brig, I met Carlos Lehder and made friends with a Colombian
that has family in the Medellin Cartel. After two years in the Brig at
Norfolk, Virginia, I started a riot that got the Commanding Officer fired and
the Brig shut down. They transferred all the long-term inmates into the U.S.
Bureau of Prisons after that. We all got sent to the U.S. Penitentiary
Lewisburg in Pennsylvania first and transferred closer to our home states
after that. While in the Feds, I made friends with many of the Italian
Mobsters, like Anthony “Fat Tony” Salerno, Gianni Chancanglini, Tony
“The Big Tuna” Acardo and Joseph “The Mayor” Caifano Sr.
       After I got paroled, I started a successful business operating a
hydroponics laboratory. That would remain my principal enterprise for the
next ten years. I developed a distribution network spanning Iowa, Illinois,
Michigan, Tennessee, Alabama, Georgia, South Carolina, North Carolina,
Florida and New Jersey.

       During the FBI’s hunt for the Unabomber, I became a suspect. That
was when I met my second girlfriend, who became my first fiancée. She had
been a stewardess on a private jet for an Iraqi arms dealer who bought
military arms from the Pentagon to supply Saddam Hussein in his build up
against Iran.

      When that relationship fizzled, I married a Peruvian woman who is a
cousin-in-law to my Colombian friend from the Brig. It was during this
period that the following excerpt from An American Wanderer occurred.
                            22 Proliferation

 Why, because we like to. An innocuous website in one
of the shadowy niches of the Internet was the outer shell of one of the
world's best-kept secrets of the twenty-first century. Dedicated to a network
of decadent fornicators, it protected the identity of a darker network, which
made the Manhattan Project look like a sibling of the Roswell crash landing.
The incongruity is explained by the fact that distraction is the most powerful
ally of deceit. Visitors to the website could browse a wide variety of topics
and products related to adult fantasy, experimentation and exploit. The
prudish and virtuous were highly unlikely to venture past the first click, even
if they somehow stumbled into this deranged alleyway. Like a fun house
filled with distorted mirrors and disorienting smoky breezes, it was virtually
impossible to comprehend the immensity of what was hidden around the
least suspecting corner. Vampires, dragons, spiders and snakes were the least
venomous surprises lurking amongst monsters with no names in chameleon

       A link to offered a not so cheap alternative to more
common sites of abundant supplies of overseas manufactured tablets to
correct male impotency chemically. The cost quickly dissuaded any truly
eager parties from investigating any further, thereby eliminating the
capitalistic or even frugal interloper. The site was operative, but functioned
almost exclusively as a subsidiary link to its parent company,
       While PharmFactory offered a wider array of pharmaceuticals in its
primary role of profiteering, it funded its fundamental benefactor as a silent
partner. No paper or even electronic glow would allow the dots to be
connected and threaten the exposure of the benefactor. It could be said that
its closely guarded operations couldn't have been illuminated by a ten giga-
kelvin source - let alone loose lips. Besides, who would have really believed
what was going on there?

       MechoFeedback Systems was a corporation, which billed itself as the
premier leader in consulting and engineering development for systems
designed for industrial preventive maintenance, achieving the elimination of
substantial costs in downtime and faulty product. Surprisingly low-tech
solutions coupled with innovative performance and strategic applications
compose the core elements of these systems. When production processes are
stalled by mechanical failure, the costs can rise to the hundreds of thousands
or even millions when workers are idle or if product is wasted due to
incomplete processing. This is especially the case in the nuclear industry.

       During my research and development process, I had been careful to
watch for suspicious activity or spying. Protection from industrial sabotage
and theft of proprietary knowledge are serious concerns. In 1996, Dr.
Elwood Jones, a professor at a Broward Community College and a recruiter
for the NSA ordered a background investigation of me, while I attended his
C++ programming class. I found his lackeys hiding in bushes near my home,
wearing three-piece suits and listening to phone calls with hand-held radio

       Later, after I had moved to Merritt Island, as close as one could get to
NASA - bordering right on their property, I was constantly harassed by
aircraft and helicopters before launches. If I shut down my lab and drove off
to the mall at the other end of the island, the launch would go off. If I
stubbornly refused to budge, it would get canceled. Eventually, I found a
larger facility and moved into it in the middle of the night.

       Then the tragedy of the disintegration of a Space Shuttle on reentry
into earth's atmosphere stopped all launches for a period of time.
        There are two basic types of nuclear reactions: fission and fusion.
Thermonuclear fusion occurs when atoms unite to form heavier elements.
This process occurs naturally in the hearts of stars under the immense
pressure of gravity and intense kinetic energy. In a hydrogen bomb, tritium
is caused to fuse under the pressure caused by a fissile atomic device. The
energy released in a fusion reaction is generally much greater than that of a
fissile reaction. Not to be underestimated though, the fission atomic bomb is
also quite powerful and even more deadly. The end result of a fusion
reaction rarely produces radioactive isotopes which are inherently deadly,
not so with the common fission weapons. Such weapons spread material far
and wide in a swath of post explosive destruction.

        Fission occurs when atoms divide into smaller elements. The largest
naturally occurring elements have the least nuclear stability and divide
spontaneously. In sufficient concentration and density, a chain reaction can
occur producing the much-publicized monstrosity of the nuclear age, a
fissile chain reaction explosion.

      Plutonium is the heaviest naturally occurring element yet highly stable
with a long half-life, while some isotopes of Uranium are much less stable.
PL239 is produced when U238 gets bombarded by a sufficiently energetic
proton. This happens naturally when a nearby radioactive atom decays,
expelling an energetic proton. With the relatively higher rate of decay of
U238, PL239 can be bred rather effectively. The first atomic weapons were
plutonium devices since the material will enter chain reaction under normal
density in sufficient quantity.

        Highly Enriched Uranium (HEU) requires higher than normal density
in sufficient supply in order to achieve chain reaction. This can be achieved
with the use of conventional chemical explosives, properly arrayed. But
HEU has other difficulties. It is naturally found in extremely small quantities
mixed with the more abundant U238 among other contaminants. The process
of filtration and separation took years of further development beyond the
ability to produce the first crude plutonium weapons. It involved the heating
of crude ore into a gaseous state and using cyclotrons to separate the HEU
from the other components.
       It was by captured German scientists who worked for Hitler that these
processes were refined. The scientists, who were captured by the invading
Soviet Army, were forced to cooperate in the Russian program to compete
with the arsenal of the United States. Yet, in the late 1950's, after succeeding
at their task for the Soviet Empire, those scientists were freed by their
masters and allowed to return to West Germany.

       They reassembled in Belgium at a program initiated by the successor
to the IG Farben Corporation. That corporation was originally started in
Hitler's Germany by the General Farben and produced the Zyclon B
chemical agent, which was used to exterminate Jews industrially at notorious
concentration camps throughout Hitler's reign. It was captured by the
Western powers and converted into the supply chain for its chemical
weapons production. With the addition of the released scientists from Soviet
control, the technology to produce HEU weapons finally fell into the hands
of the West. A renewed arms race escalated into a Cold War.

      About 1969, one of the physicists was fired from employment and
went on to a less satisfying career as a University Professor. Around 1972,
another of the scientists was fired under disgruntled circumstances. The two
networked their skills and offered themselves up for hire. Dr. Abdul Qadeer
Khan, the director of physics at the University of Karachi in Pakistan was
discreetly hiring. After several years of covert development, in the early
1980's, Pakistan test exploded its first atomic device. Tensions erupted
between the leaders of Pakistan and those of the Republic of India who had
been in conflict for centuries over the territories of Kashmir. The Indian
government appealed to global leaders who then supplied them with
weapons to balance the power between the two nations. Producing a less
well-known Cold War and another arms race. Since the end of the Soviet
Union in the early 1990's and the de-escalation of the Cold War with the
West, hostilities between Pakistan and India have only heated.

       After their success in Pakistan, the contingent of independent
scientists continued to peddle its wares. An up and coming despot in the
Middle-east named Saddam Hussein was interested. He put one of his
cousins in charge of the program to develop weapons of mass destruction. In
the 1990's, as this cousin and the scientists he employed discovered the
unstable development of Saddam's personality, they conspired to delay the
production of a weapon. They became convinced that Saddam would
eventually use it against Israel in a first strike.
       Saddam's cousin defected to the United States and exposed the covert
operation, which the scientists continued to pretend as being operational in
order to continue getting their salaries.

      After September 11th 2001, and the later invasion of Iraq by allied
nations, those scientists were finally captured and returned to the
Netherlands to stand trial for nuclear proliferation. Their cooperation
eventually led to the investigation of their Pakistani compatriots.

       I had been negotiating a contract for the construction of a system
including devices to monitor the mechanical components of high-end
production facilities. Microphones, thermostats and other devices would be
used to feed data into a computer program with the capability to learn to
recognize the symptoms leading up to any of a series of mechanical and
electronic failures. Thereby, future failures could be caught before they
occurred and critical product would be saved from spoiling.

      While my operations continued at the upgraded laboratory situated
across the river from the NASA reservation at Cape Canaveral Florida, I
became aware once again of suspicious activity around the compound.
NASA was employing military psy-ops to assault my laboratory with
LRADs or long-range acoustical devices to produce the effect of an
impending raid by an army battalion. Then, I bought a video surveillance
system and installed it around my compound. After that, I started noticing
members of the local bomb squad surveilling me and questioning my
neighbors about me.

       Early one morning, I heard a helicopter flying overhead and upon
investigation discovered that it was shining a spotlight directly onto my
warehouse. It continued to hover there for over an hour, so I got a telescope
out and peeked from under the porch ledge to get a closer look at it. It was
unlike any helicopter I had ever seen before. It was very thin, only a little
wider than the pilot in the cockpit, and was composed of very straight sides
with sharp corners - definitely the style of a stealth vehicle. When the pilot
realized that I had a lens trained on him, he rapidly receded and never

       I made some test ventures away from the warehouse and recognized
that I was being followed. Some of the tails weren't even covert. When I
doubled back, they would cut across the median to maintain pursuit.
       When I returned to the lab, I wrapped up what product I had
completed producing and packed for a travel. I pretended to go to the store,
but when I got onto the Interstate highway, I made a U-turn and took off for
Atlanta. I was followed the entire way by several vehicles which relayed
since I drove non-stop. In downtown Atlanta, I dumped my Blazer at a gas
station and started walking. I again doubled back and surreptitiously
watched while it was being searched and tested by field agents.

      I found a payphone and called German in Miami to warn that I was
about to be taken down. I also called my parents in Iowa to explain that
whatever happened, they could be certain that any charges placed against me
would be false. I had left no evidence of any significant illegal activity in my
wake and was certain of that.

       I hailed a taxi to take me to the airport, but halfway there, I altered the
destination and got dropped off at a park. It happened to be the same park
that was targeted by the Atlanta Olympic Games bomber. There was a
children's festival gathered there and I soon realized that I was being
shadowed. They were the same familiar faces that I saw following me in the
vehicles during the drive to Atlanta. I hailed another taxi and got returned to
the station where I had left the Blazer.

       The same shadows quickly arrived. Undeterred, I got in the Blazer
and got back on the Interstate. Everywhere I looked, vehicles were piled up
in gridlock, except for in front of me, which was cleared for me in advance.
Unmarked vehicles were herding traffic away from the direction of my
travel, whichever way I decided to go.

       Soon I became confident that if they were going to arrest me, they
would have already done so. They were watching just to see where I would
go and whom I would contact. So I turned around and returned to Titusville.
Back at the lab, I started inspecting for signs of entry and bugs. I found
tracks leading up to and around the building and had to uproot broken bottles
that had been placed in the driveway to sabotage my tires.

       As I walked through the neighborhood, I saw strangers with telescopic
cameras following me while pretending to shoot photos of the railroad tracks
on the other side of the street. When it got dark, I started hearing the sound
of a boat on the river, which separated my warehouse from Cape Canaveral.
       Whenever I would walk towards the sound, it would recede.
Whenever I walked back to the lab, it would return. I played cat and mouse
with it for hours, until I finally lost the point sentry that was watching me.
Confused, they started scurrying about trying to locate me again. The boat
returned. When it was close enough for me to get a good look, I peeked out
from behind the tree cover I had held and saw four persons in an inflatable
raft. One was obviously wearing night vision goggles and another had
infrared goggles. He spotted my head quickly and they turned their raft
around and sped away as fast as they could.

       The neighbors had been making calls to find out what was going on
with all of the activity lately. The next day, local newspapers declared that a
secret launch of a classified satellite for the CIA had been canceled due to
mechanical problems. The day after that, the same paper reported that
several federal law-enforcement agencies had recently performed training
missions for anti-terrorist operations. I disassembled my lab, and within 24
hours, I was in a U-Haul on my way to Knoxville, Tennessee.

      The following day, on September 11th 2004, President George W.
Bush addressed the nation to update the war on terror. "Today, the NSA and
operatives in the CIA arrested Dr. Abdul Qadeer Khan in Karachi, Pakistan.
His entire network was captured in a vast operation conducted by our agents
across the globe. The threat of nuclear proliferation was dealt a serious blow
today by the outstanding work and months of dedicated cooperation between
the United States and its ally nations."

       I thought I was likely to be the only alleged member that viewed that
live broadcast, but it turned out to be a lie, of course. Dr. Khan was never
arrested, as he is a powerful hero of Pakistan, an ally of the U.S. in the war
on terror. George just had to have something clever to say in order to
convince Americans that he was supposedly winning this war. He can get
away with it though, who is going to call him on such episodes of

       Then I moved back to Tennessee and married a woman from
Kentucky named Debra. To protect my Peruvian wife from being involved
in any of the trouble that I was experiencing, I asked her for a divorce. Debra
and I were married before I got divorced, so for a few months, I was married
to both of them, until the divorce was finalized.

      Debra had been a member of the Branch Davidians and was at Waco
during the raid that later inspired the Oklahoma City Bombing. She is also
the mother of one of the late David Koresh’s daughters, Justine.

       After we moved to Kentucky she started having psychotic episodes.
One morning, just days before Christmas, I was awakened being pushed
from bed at the wrong end of a shotgun. She was screaming at me and
marched me out onto the front porch. From behind me, she fired a shot that
whizzed past my head and I turned around and took the gun from her. I got
her calmed down and hid the gun in the attic. Then we made love and passed
out together.

       Two days later, while I was at work, she had another episode and
completely destroyed my brand new Chevy Blazer. At that point, I decided
to leave everything behind and move back to Florida, where I stayed for the
next year and a half.
      Unbeknownst to me, she had invited a man to stay with her after I left.
Two weeks later, she killed that man with her shotgun. When the police
came, they found marijuana in the house, which mortgage was in my name
and they indicted me in absentia for trafficking in marijuana.

        When the warrant caught up to me in Florida, I got extradited back to
Kentucky. That was when I began to learn about the events that occurred
after I had left. Debra was in the county jail still awaiting trial and I made
bond on the trafficking charge. They later reduced the charge to possession
only and I plead guilty to avoid a long drawn out legal battle. Debra pled
guilty to manslaughter and got sentenced to 10 years.

      Currently, we are still in contact and legally married, though we have
been separated for nearly two years now. She is receiving medication for her
psychosis and we are planning to give our marriage a second chance when
she gets paroled.

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