Domestic Violence Training Manual CAP

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE TRAINING MANUAL by Dr. Carol Ann Peterson, Sanctus Theological Institute Table of Contents Table of Contents Introductions/Acknowledgments Disclaimer I. OVERVIEW OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE Domestic Violence at a Glance Women and Male Violence Battering As a Way to Maintain Control Battering Fact Sheet Battered Woman’s Syndrome Why She Stays, When She Leaves Signs to Look for in a Battering Relationship A Checklist on Boundaries in a Relationship Lethality Checklist Domestic Abuse Couple’s Counseling Policy Statement 8 9 12 13 14 15 17 20 21 23 25 26 27 29 33 49 52 53 PAGE 54 55 56 58 59 67 74 80 85 86 87 88 89 90 PAGE 2 5 6 7 II. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE LAWS AND LEGAL ISSUES What Will Law Enforcement Do? Common Penal Code Sections Used in Domestic Violence The Criminal Justice System The Criminal Justice System: Domestic Violence Abused Women: A Question of Self-Defense 46 Restraining Orders Safety Planning 50 Safety Planning While Still in an Abusive Relationship 51 Safety After You Have Left Escape List TABLE OF CONTENTS (cont’d) III. ABOUT SHELTERS Domestic Violence Advocacy Shelter Services Local Domestic Violence Shelters and Hotlines COUNSELING SKILLS Intervention for Battering General Hotline Calls Counseling Skills Barriers to Communication Crisis Intervention EFFECTS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ON CHILDREN Fact Sheet on Children of Violent Homes Characteristics of Children in Crisis Children Who Live in a Violent Environment Problem Behaviors of Children from Violent Homes The Link Between Domestic Violence and Child Abuse: Assessment and Treatment Conditions IV. V. 1 Implications of the Link Between Spouse Abuse And Child Abuse Working with Kids Eleven Techniques that Really Work When Working With Children Children’s Programs in Shelters and The Concept of Empowerment Things to Remember About Children Living in Shelters 104 Teen Dating Violence Fact Sheet What is Dating Violence? Violence in Teen Relationships 107 VI. BATTERERS Batterer’s Intervention Batterer’s Programs The Violence Continuum DIVERSITY Steps Toward Becoming an Interculturally Sensitive Person “Isms” Training Cycle of Oppression Working Assumptions and Guidelines for Alliance Building Ethnic Stratification: Power and Inequality 110 93 101 102 104 105 106 109 111 119 120 121 VII. 122 128 129 132 TABLE OF CONTENTS (cont’d) Definitions Confronting Our Own Homophobia A Commentary on Religious Issues in Family Violence The Psychology of Abuse The Jewish Perspective The Psychology of Abuse: Black Women Violence and the American Indian Woman Working with Asian-Pacific Islander Women Violence in the Lives of Latina Women Violence in the Jewish Family Definitions Suggested Reading List Myths and Realities Articles PAGE 135 137 140 147 156 158 161 165 172 176 178 179 Anne L. Ganley Ph.d. – Understanding Domestic Violence Sujata Warrier, Ph.D. – From Sensitivity to Competency: Clinical and Departmental Guidelines to Achieve Cultural Competency Lori B. Girshick, Ph.D. - Teen Dating Violence Addendum’s Power and Control Wheel Equality Wheel CalWORKs Information 2 Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) INTRODUCTIONS Peterson Professional Alliance was founded to break the cycle of Domestic Violence and Abuse through research, education, legislation and funding of prevention and intervention programs. Peterson Professional Alliance’s realistic expectations are to provide additional and alternative avenues and incentives for individuals who are battered in their homes to be free from abuse and to live in personal safety and security. Peterson Professional Alliance is one of the first comprehensive training programs that specifically works with corporations. It is the belief of Peterson Professional Alliance that corporations have a vital role to play in assisting victims, shelters, the community at large and their own employees. Peterson Professional Alliance is supported by Congresswoman Diane E. Watson (former Ambassador to Micronesia), former Congressman James Rogan, Seattle Seahawk's Steve Broussard, Sandy Buttitta (*former Chief Deputy District Attorney), Scott Gordon (*former Chair, Los Angeles County Domestic Violence Council), Fernando Arroyo (*former pitcher, Detroit Tigers), Lillian Garland, AFL-CIO SEIU Local #399 Political Director - Mike Gipson, and local Los Angeles attorney Wally Lee. Peterson Professional Alliance gratefully acknowledges and thanks Carol Arnett Thompson for creating the training manual model, upon which this manual is designed. Also, to Carole Warshaw, M.D. and Anne Ganley, Ph.D., who were the principals of the original health training manual, "Improving the Health Care Response to Domestic Violence: A Resource Manual for Care Providers." OVERVIEW OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AT A GLANCE In this training we will assist you in: 1. 2. 3. Recognizing the dangers of an abusive relationship, Assisting battered women in recognizing the dangers, Provide you with courses and resources to offer battered women Most people don't believe they have ever met a battered woman. But the opposite is true - most of us do know someone who is or was battered. However, most of us don't know what to look for. The following is a guide to understanding that most often battered women do not volunteer that they are battered and often many women do not recognize that they are battered, even though they may be showing physical marks or wounds. DEFINITION: Domestic Violence is defined as abuse committed against a spouse, former spouse, cohabitant, former cohabitant, a person with whom the batterer has had a dating or engagement relationship, or a person with whom the batterer has a child in common. Domestic violence often begins with angry or harsh words, a shove, or a slap which escalates into a pattern of assaultive and controlling behavior, including but not limited to, physical, sexual, and psychological attacks against the victim, the children, pets and/or property. Domestic violence is not an isolated incident. One battering event builds on past episodes and sets the pattern for future events. All incidents of the pattern interact with other incidents and have a profound effect on the victim (see Power and Control Wheel, page ). It is the batterer's use of physical force that gives power to the psychological abuse. The 3 psychological control of victims through intermittent use of physical assault along with psychological abuse (verbal abuse, isolation, threats, etc.) is typical of domestic violence incidents. It is important to understand how physical, verbal, psychological, sexual and spiritual abuse serves to control and terrorize victims of family violence. If a woman feels isolated, alone, scared and trapped in her relationship, she may be caught in a battering relationship. NOTE: Throughout this manual the word he is used to denote batterer and she is used to denote victim. This in no means implies that all men are batterers, nor does it imply that all victims are women. WOMEN AND MALE VIOLENCE: THE HISTORIC LEGACY* The historical context within which battering has developed is that of male domination within and outside the family. Domination describes a social structure in which certain groups of people can determine and limit the spheres of activity of other groups. The power that a dominating group exercises carries with it the threat or the use of force to coerce compliance.1 Throughout most of Western European history, the laws and practices of the larger society directly supported the patriarchal family. The patriarchal family predates capitalist society, and so does violence against women within it. Patriarchal authority is based on male control over woman’s productive capacity and over her person. This control existed before the development of capitalist commodity production. It belonged to a society in which the person’s of human beings were owned by others.2 Pre-capitalist and early capitalist patriarchal authority was based on the father’s control of his household, which was the focus of daily life and productive activity for everyone. In Western European pre-capitalist and early capitalist societies, battering was maintained by powerful legal and moral codes. Christianity provided ideological justification for patriarchal marriages, and the stated codified these relations into law. 3 Marriage laws explicitly recognized the family as the domain of the husband, forced women to conform to a man’s will, and punished men and women unequally for infractions of marriage vows.4 To be a wife meant becoming the property of a husband, taking a secondary position in a marital hierarchy of power and worth, being legally and morally bound to obey the will and wisdom of one’s husband, and thus, quite logically, subject to his control even to the point of physical chastisement or murder.5 Under English common law, “The wife came under the control of her husband and he had the legal right to use force against her in order to ensure that she fulfilled her wifely obligations, which included the consummation of the marriage cohabitation, maintenance of conjugal rights, sexual fidelity, and general obedience and respect for his wishes.” 6 Her status was wife excluded her from the legal process, placed her in the same category as children and servants, required obedience, and gave her husband extraordinary discretion over determining punishable offenses.7 1 Susan Schecter, “Towards An Analysis of the Persistence of Violence Against Women in the Home,” Aegis, July/August 1979, p.47. 2 Sheila Rowbotham, Woman’s Consciousness, Man’s World (Middlesex, England: Penguin Books, 1973), p. 117. 3 Dobash and Dobash, Violence Against Wives, p.63. 4 See Dobash and Dobash, Violence Against Wives, Chapter 3. 5 Dobash and Dobash, Violence Against Wives, p. 33. 6 Ibid, p. 60. 7 Ibid., p. 61 4 English common laws pertaining to marriage had a significant impact later on American law. Although not present in most legal statutes in America in the 1800s, the husband’s right to chastise his wife was upheld in the Supreme Court of Mississippi in 1824. The court ruled that a husband should be allowed to chastise without being subject to vexatious prosecution, which would supposedly shame all parties.8 A North Carolina court ruling in 1864 asserted that the state should not interfere in cases of domestic chastisement but should leave the parties to themselves, to make up, unless there were permanent injury or an excess of violence. 9 However, it should be noted, that North Carolina had adopted the English law of “rule of thumb.” Which stated that a husband had the right to beat his wife as long as he did not beat with her anything wider than his thumb. Because legal statutes in the United States did not specifically protect wife beating, battered women in search of justice took many men to court throughout the nineteenth century.10 Judges, however, would imprison only the most violent men, and not until 1871 was wife beating actually declared illegal in two states, Alabama and Massachusetts.11 In England, husbands’ absolute power of chastisement was abolished in 1829. Yet only the Married Women’s Property Act of 1895 made conviction for assault a sufficient ground for divorce, and as two commentators note, “it was…very difficult to get a conviction for assault and the standard of proof was so high as to make a conviction almost impossible.”12 These changes slowly combined to loosen the legal and moral authority husbands held over their wives. In spite of these breakthroughs, violence persisted. Men were protected by institutions like the courts, while wives endured physical harm. Francis Power Cobbe’s 1878 publication Wife Torture in England documented 6,000 of the most “brutal assaults” on women, who, in a three year period, had been maimed, blinded, trampled, burned, and murdered. Cobbe detailed the cases: Michael Copeland, who threw his wife on a blazing fire. Frederick Knight jumped on the face of his wife (who had only been confined a month) with a pair of boots studded with hobnails.13 Cobbe also explained why such horrifying abuse continued. The general depreciation of women as a sex is bad enough, but in the matter we are considering, the special depreciation of wives is more directly responsible for the outrages they endure. The notion that a man’s wife is his property in the sense in which a horse is his property… is the fatal root of incalculable evil and misery. 14 Although men no longer legally own women, many act as if they do. In her marriage vows today, the woman still promises to love, honor and obey. Law and tradition continue to conspire to view the husband as head of the household, responsible for the support of his family, while the wife is in charge of housework and children.15 According to sexist socialization, a woman is to nurture her husband, sexually respond to his wishes, bear and raise “his” children. Her needs are secondary to 8 9 Ibid., p. 56 Ibid. 10 Allen Steinberg, “The Criminal Courts and the Transformation of Criminal Justice in Philadelphia, 1813-1874,” Ph.D. dissertation, Columbia University, 1982. 11 Dobash and Dobash, Violence Against Wives, p. 33. 12 Ibid. Peterson Professional Alliance © 13 Francis Power Cobbe, “Wife Torture in England,” cited in Dobash and Dobash. Violence Against Women, p. 72. 14 Ibid., p. 73. 5 his, and his power inside and outside the family are unchallenged. He is still “king of the castle.” Today, the patriarchal legacy intertwines with the needs of a capitalist economy, recreating the socialization patterns and institutional life that perpetuates male domination and violence. Men’s status is upheld by a general division of labor outside as well as inside the home that makes women economically dependent on men. It is further reinforced by institutions – courts, police, hospitals, and social service agencies – that either explicitly or implicitly support a husband’s “right” to control his wife. BATTERING AS A WAY TO MAINTAIN CONTROL Battering is one tool that enforces husbands’ authority over wives or simply reminds women that this authority exists. As R. Emerson Dobash and Russell Dobash note, “All men see themselves as controllers of women, and because they are socialized into the use of violence, they are potential aggressors against their wives.”16 Here it is important to distinguish between male domination in general and battering in particular. All men learn to dominate women, but only some men batter them. Violence is only one of the many ways in which men express their socially structured right to control and chastise. For some men, a sense of owning women is combined with a belief in the right to use force. For others, however, violence is a morally unacceptable way to maintain their dominant status. In still other cases, men may not need to use violence to dominate. Verbal abuse, withholding affection, or withdrawing resources (economics) may suffice. Men are not necessarily consciously aware of their need to dominate. Rather, they are socialized to feel uncomfortable when not in control,17 and they turn to violence as a response to their discomfort. Even men who regret their violence, insist that they use violence to stay in charge. One man, recounting why he physically restrained his wife from leaving a family gathering, said, “I felt that she didn’t have the right to make the decision to leave. Her decision to leave was not as important as mine to have to have her stay.” As he later commented, “When all else fails, violence is the way to keep control, to maintain your identify.18 For those who blame violence on the women’s liberation movement, it is essential to remember that male violence in the family occurred long before the women’s movement. It is primarily a sign of women’s inequality, even when it is invoked to stop the struggle for equality. Male domination is the expectation that women will gratify men and that men will get their own way. If a man feels entitled to deference and respect, any slight can produce the justification for violence. The slight and the resulting violence create the justification. *Information from SCCBW Training Manual BATTERING FACT SHEET - A woman is psychically battered every 9 seconds in the United States (National Coalition Against Domestic Violence) - Battering is the single major cause of injury to women in the United States - more than rape, muggings and auto accidents combined (FBI statement to Congress) - Almost 4 million women are battered each year by husbands or boyfriends (Department of Justice) 15 Lenore Weitzman, “Legal Regulation of Marriage: Tradition and Change.” Cited in Del Martin, Battered Wives (San Francisco: Guide Publication, 1976), p. 37. Peterson Professional Alliance © 16 17 Dobash and Dobash, Violence Against Women, p. 22. Organizing and Implementing Services for Men Who Batter, a manual from Emerge: a men’s counseling service on domestic violence, Boston, 1980, pp. 16-17. An interview with Isidore Penn. 18 Anonymous interview. Peterson Professional Alliance © 6 - Between 2-6,000 women die each year, due to domestic violence (Department of Justice) - 75% of women who die, are murdered upon leaving - or within the first 2 years of having (Department of Justice) - 95% of all abuse cases involve women hurt by men (Family Violence Project) - Boys who grow up in violent homes, are likely to grow up to be batterers (Los Angeles County Domestic Violence Council) - 63% of young men age 16-25 who are incarcerated for homicides, are convicted of killing their mothers batterer (Department of Justice) - In a nation-wide survey of over 6,000 American families, 50% of the men who frequently assaulted their wives, also frequently abused their children (Los Angeles County Domestic Violence Council) - In 70% of the families where spousal abuse occurs, there is also physical abuse of the (National Coalition Against Domestic Violence) children. left - Between 3-10 million children witness parental violence each year (Family Violence Project) - Pregnant women are at high risk for battering. Reports show between 25% to 45% of women report battering began during pregnancy (March of Dimes) - Abused women have a higher rate of miscarriage, still births, premature labor, low birth weight babies, and injuries to the fetus (March of Dimes) BATTERED WOMAN'S SYNDROME Who is she? What is she feeling? Does a battered woman have the same needs as I do? Is she like me? To understand a battered woman's feelings, here are some questions to ask yourself: - Did you ever back down from an argument with anyone because your felt intimidated? - Did you ever feel that if you said anything more, the situation might get out of hand? - Have you ever felt threatened by another's superior strength? - Have you ever stayed in a relationship longer than you should have? - Did you stay because your felt responsible for the other person? - Were you afraid that you might not be able to find a job to support yourself (and your - Were you afraid of disapproval from family and friends? - Were you afraid you might "lose everything" if you became involved in legal proceedings (i.e., the kids, the house, your fair share of the family income)? - Were you held back by religious beliefs? children)? 7 - Were you afraid if you called the police the situation would only get worse? - Were you afraid of retaliation by the other person (batterer)? If you answered yes to four or more of these questions, then get in touch with your feelings and you will know that you are no different from a battered woman! WHY SHE STAYS, WHEN SHE LEAVES Many people not involved with an abusive partner say that if their partners every harm them, they would leave. Many battered victims remember the same resolve. Why do they stay? Why might they go back? Why do some permanently separate from abusers? There are serious factors that weigh on the battered woman's decision to leave. This is the man she loves, or has loved. The batterer may be the father of her children. Ending an intimate relationship is very difficult, even more so when self-confidence has been destroyed by the batterer. Battered women report the following reasons for staying with the batterer or leaving him. HOPE FOR CHANGE. Many abusive mates become remorseful after inflicting violence. This contrite behavior may include promising never to hit again, agreeing to seek counseling if the victim does not leave, reminding the victim of how hard the perpetrator works, pointing out the incredible stresses under which he is operating, acknowledging the wrongfulness of his violence to the children and asking their help in stopping the violence, and demonstrating his love for her in meaningful ways. Since battered women are in committed relationships and have often built their lives around the relationship, they hope for change. When the batterer acknowledges the error of his ways, when he breaks down and cries out his despair, and concedes the need for dramatic change, hope is often born anew for battered women. ISOLATION. Many battered women lose their support systems. The batterer has isolated them. For example, a batterer may prohibit a battered woman from using the phone; may humiliate her at family gatherings; may insist on transporting her to work; may censor her mail, etc. Men who batter are often highly possessive and excessively jealous. They believe that they "own" the battered woman and are entitled to her exclusive attention and absolute obedience. The batterer knows that if the truth is told about his conduct, support persons will urge the battered woman to leave or seek assistance. Therefore, the batterer quickly isolates a battered woman in order to sustain the power of their violence. SOCIETAL DENIAL. Battered women fear that no one will believe their husbands or partners beat them. Batterers often are very ingratiating and popular men who keep their terrorizing, controlling behaviors within the family behind closed doors. The battered woman knows this, and it compounds her fear that no one will believe her. Battered women discover that many people and agencies in the community trivialize the impact of violence (e.g., doctors prescribe valium for coping; ministers recommend prayer and/or accommodating behaviors; therapists advise better communications with the perpetrators, etc.). No one understands that she feels like a prisoner who might be severely injured or die at the hands of her jailer. She concludes that since they don't understand the seriousness of the violence, they will not support her disruption of the family. BARRICADES TO LEAVING. Even when a battered woman decides to leave, the batterers put up many barricades. Many threaten to seek custody of their children, threats to kidnap the children, threaten to report her to INS (Immigration and Nationalization Services) if she is undocumented, to withhold support, to interfere with her employment, to advise prospective landlords that she is not credit-worthy, to try to turn the children and family against her, to threaten to kill her, the children or other family members if she leaves, to threaten retaliatory suicide, or in other ways to escalate his violence in an attempt to hold her in the relationship. Why She Stays/When She Leaves (cont'd) 8 BELIEF IN BATTERER'S INTERVENTION PROGRAMS. Battered women are reluctant to leave when their partners are in intervention programs. They believe the program will motivate them to make the profound changes necessary to stop their battering. Therefore, it is very important that battered women are referred to domestic violence programs so that they can gain full information about intervention programs for batterers and evaluate whether these programs are likely to effect the change that will make life safe for them. (Gondolf, 1988; Okun, 1986) DANGERS IN LEAVING. Many battered women believe that leaving is not necessarily going to make their life or the life of their children safer. Many battered women killed by their partners are killed after they have left or separated. (Casanave & Zahn, 1986; Brown & Williams, 1989 & 1987) Leaving, itself, may be a dangerous process. Many batterers, in fact, escalate their violence to coerce a battered woman into reconciliation or to retaliate for the battered woman's departure. Leaving requires strategic planning and comprehensive legal intervention to safeguard victims and their children. ECONOMIC AUTONOMY. Battered women do leave. The most likely predictor of whether a battered woman will permanently separate from her abuser is whether she has the economic resources to survive without him. Therefore, it is incredibly important that battered women obtain support award in protection orders and are referred to battered women's programs where they can learn about other economic supports, job training and employment opportunities. (Gondolf, 1988; Okun, 1986) LEAVING IS A PROCESS. Most battered women leave and return several times before permanently separating from the batterer. Leaving is a process. The first time a battered woman leaves may be a test to see whether he will actually get some help to stop his terrorism. When he is violent again, she may leave to gain more information about resources available to her. she may then reconcile and begin to get some economic and educational resources together in case she decides that she must later leave. She may next leave to try to break out of the isolation in which the batterer has virtually imprisoned her. Most battered women eventually leave. (Okun, 1986) RELIGIOUS PRESSURE: Keep the family together; marriage vows – for better or worse. EMBARRASSMENT AND HUMILIATION: She doesn’t want anyone to know. FAULT: It’s her fault that he beats her. CUTLURE: She may not know that domestic violence is crime; it may not be a crime from her country of origin. When friends, family and helping agencies, such as police, shelters, clergy, courts, medical personnel, educators and therapists, lend substantial and concerted efforts to assist battered women in the leaving process, battered women are more likely to leave and secure protection for themselves and their children. Therefore, when battered women stay, we as a community should look to see what we are doing to hinder the leaving process and then make changes to facilitate leaving and ultimate safety. Leaving must be done in a way that does not further jeopardize the victim's safety. It is important for law enforcement personnel to refer victims to domestic violence programs to assist her in developing plans for safe leaving. (Barbara J. Hart, Esq. @ PCADV, 1990) SIGNS TO LOOK FOR IN A BATTERING RELATIONSHIP Below is a list of behaviors that are seen in people who abuse their girlfriends, partners, or wives. If the person has three or more behaviors there is a potential for physical violence. Nevertheless, the more listed behaviors the person has, the more likely the person is a batterer. In many cases, a batterer may have only a couple of behaviors that the woman can recognize but they are very exaggerated (e.g., extreme jealousy over ridiculous things). Initially a batterer will try to explain away his behavior as love and concern, and a woman may be flattered at first. However, as time goes on, the number of behaviors increases. The behaviors become more severe, and are designed to 9 dominate and control the woman. Jealousy: At the beginning of a relationship, an abuser will always say that their jealousy is a sign of love; jealousy has nothing to do with love, it is a sign of insecurity and possessiveness. The batterer will question the woman about who she talks to, accuse her of flirting, or be jealous of time she spends with family, friends or children. As the jealousy progresses, the batterer may call her frequently during the day or drop by unexpectedly. The batterer may refuse to let her work for fear she'll meet someone else, or even do strange behaviors such as checking her car mileage or asking friends to watch her, or asking the children to report on her. Controlling Behavior: At first, the batterer will say that this behavior is because he is concerned for her safety, her need to use her time well, or her need to make good decisions. The abuser will be angry if the woman is late coming back from the store or an appointment, he will question her closely about where she went, whom she talked to. As this behavior gets worse, the abuser may not let the woman make personal decisions about the house, her clothing, going to church or out with friends. The abuser may keep all the money or even make her ask permission to leave the room or the house. Quick Involvement: Many battered women dated or knew their abuser for six months or less than six months before they were engaged or living together. The abuser comes on like a whirl-wind or he sweeps her off her feet - "you are the only person I could ever talk to," "I've never felt loved like this by anyone," or "I can't live without you." The abuser needs someone desperately and will pressure the woman to commit to them. Unrealistic Expectations: The abuser is very dependent on the woman for all of their needs; they expect her to be the perfect wife, partner, mother, lover, and friend. They will say things like "if you love me, I am all you need--you are all I need." She is supposed to take care of everything for the abuser in the home and emotionally. Isolation: The abuser tries to cut the woman off from all resources. If she is heterosexual and has male friends or is lesbian and has female friends she is called a 'whore.' If she is heterosexual and has female friends, she is called a 'lesbian.' If she has close family connections she is accused of being 'tied to apron strings or childish.' The abuser accuses people who are her support, of being 'trouble makers.' The abuser may want to live in the country or without a phone. The abuser may limit her use of the car or prevent her from going to work or school. The woman may have to ask permission on whom she sees, whom she visits, or whom she talks to or calls. Blames Others for Own Problems: If the abuser is chronically unemployed, someone is always doing them wrong or out to get them. The abuser may make mistakes and then blame the woman for upsetting them and keeping them from concentrating on doing their job. The abuser will tell the woman she is at fault for almost anything that goes wrong. Signs to Look for in a Battering Relationship (cont'd) Blames Others for Own Feelings: The abuser will tell the woman 'you make me mad,' 'you are hurting me by not doing what I ask,' 'I can't help being angry,' 'no one has ever made me angry like you.' The abuser really makes the decision about what they think and feel, but will use feelings to manipulate the woman. 'You control how I feel.' 'If you had done what I asked, I wouldn't have to hurt you,' or 'look what you made me do' (violence toward loved one). Hypersensitivity: The abuser is easily insulted, they claim their feelings are hurt when they are really very mad, or they take the slightest set back as a personal attack. They will rant and rave about the injustice of things that have happened to them that are really just a part of living (i.e., like being asked to work overtime, or getting a parking ticket). Cruelty to Animals or Children: This is a person who punishes animals brutally or is insensitive to their pain or suffering; they may expect children to be capable of doing things far beyond their ability 10 (i.e., spanks a one year old for wetting their diaper) or they may tease or humiliate children or young brothers or sisters until they cry. They may not want to eat at the table with children, or expect children to stay in their rooms all evening. 'Playful' Use of Force in Sex: This person may like to throw the woman down and hold her down during sex, they may want to act out fantasies during sex where the victim is 'helpless.' The abuser is sending the message that rape excites them. They will show little concern about whether the woman may want to have to sex and use sulking, anger, or guilt to manipulate her into compliance. They may begin having sex while their partner is still asleep, or demand sex even though their partner is tired or sick, or has just been beaten. Verbal Abuse: In addition to saying things that are meant to be cruel and hurtful, the abuser degrades the woman, curses her, and minimizes her accomplishments. The abuser will tell her that she is stupid, and unable to function alone. This will often take place in conjunction with sleep deprivation, where the abuser wakes the woman in the night to verbally assault her or interrogate her. There will often be degrading slurs regarding ethnic and/or cultural background of the victim. Rigid Sex Roles: The abusive partner expects their partner to serve them, expects the other to stay home, to obey in all things even things that are criminal in nature. The abuser will see the victim as inferior, more stupid, unable to be a whole person without the relationship. The abuser sees specific duties as male and female (e.g., only a man fixes the car, only a woman washes dishes). Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde: Many women are confused by their abusive partners sudden changes in mood ... they will describe that one minute the abuser is nice, and the next minute he explodes...as if he had a mental problem or is 'crazy.' Explosiveness and mood swings are typical of abusers who beat their partners, and these behaviors are related to other characteristics such as hypersensitivity. **Past Battering: The abuser may say that they have hit their partners in the past, but the partner made them do it. The woman may hear from the relatives or ex-partners that this person is abusive. A batterer will usually beat any partner they are with; situational circumstances do not make a person an abusive personality. **Threats of Violence: This would include any threat of physical force meant to control the woman. "I'll smack you if you mouth off." "I will kill you." "I'll break your neck." Most people do not threaten their partners, but a batterer will try to excuse this behavior by saying 'everyone talks like this.' Signs to Look for in a Battering Relationship (cont'd) **Breaking or Striking Objects: This behavior is used as a punishment (i.e., breaking cherished possessions) but is mostly used to terrorize the woman into submission. The batterer may beat on the table with his fist, throw objects around or near the woman. This behavior is meant to intimidate and frighten the woman. **Any Force During an Argument: This may involve a batterer holding a woman down, physically restraining her from leaving the room or any pushing or shoving. Or the batterer may hold the woman against the wall and say 'you are going to listen to me.' NOTE: ITEMS PRECEDED BY ** ARE BEHAVIORS THAT ALMOST ALWAYS INDICATE THAT THE PERSON IS A BATTERER. developed by: Project for Victims of Family Violence, Fayetteville, AK 72702 11 A Checklist on Boundaries in a Relationship* When you give up your boundaries in a realtionship you: Are unclear about your preferences Do not notice unhappiness Alter your behavior, plans, to fit the current moods or circumstances of another centered Do more and more for less and less results Take as truth the most recent opinion you while being open have heard Live hopefully while wishing and waiting working on change Are satisfied if you are coping and surviving thriving Let the other’s minimal improvement maintain change your stalemate Have few hobbies because you have no attention enhancing span for self-directed activity Are manipulated by flattery Try to create intimacy with a narcissist mutual love Are so strongly affected by another that partner’s obsession results information Will forsake every personal limit to get sex enjoy it but or the promise of it See your partner as causing your excitement stimulating excitement Feel hurt and victimized but not angry Act out of compliance and compromise negotiation When your boundaries are intact in a relationship you: Have clear preferences and act upon them Recognize when you are happy/unhappy Acknowledge moods or opinions around you while remaining Do more when that gets Trust your own intuition to others’ opinions Live optimistically while Are only satisfied if you are Are encouraged by sincere, ongoing for the better Have excited interest in self- hobbies and projects Appreciate feedback but know the difference Relate only to partners giving Are strongly affected by your behavior and take it as Integrate sex so that you can never at the cost of your integrity See your partner as Let yourself feel angry, say “ouch” Act out of agreement and 12 Do favors that you inwardly resist to do Disregard intuition in favor of wishes wishes Mostly feel afraid and confused Are living a life that is not yours *Adapted from the California Therapist, July/August 1990 LETHALITY CHECKLIST ASSESSING WHETHER BATTERERS WILL KILL Only do favors you choose Honor intuition and distinguish from Mostly feel secure and clear Are living a life that is close to what you’ve wanted Some batterers are life endangering. While it is true that all batterers are dangerous, some are more likely to kill than others are and some are more likely to kill at specific times. Regardless of whether there is a protection abuse order in effect, officers should evaluate whether an assailant is likely to kill his partner or other family members and/or police personnel and take appropriate action. Assessment is tricky and never full proof. It is important to conduct an assessment at every call; no matter how many times an officer has responded to the same household. The dispatcher and responding officer can utilize the indicators described below in making an assessment of the batterer's potential to kill. Considering these factors may or may not reveal actual potential for homicidal assault. But, the likelihood of a homicide is greater when these factors are present. The greater the number of indicators that the batterer demonstrates or the greater the intensity of indicators, the greater the likelihood of a life threatening attack. Threats of Homicide or Suicide: The batterer who has threatened to kill himself, his partner, the children, or her relatives must be considered extremely dangerous. Fantasies of Homicide or Suicide: The more the batterer has developed a fantasy about whom, how, when and/or where to kill, the more dangerous he may be. The batterer who has previously acted out part of a homicide or suicide fantasy may be invested in killing as a viable "solution" to his problem. Depression: Where a batterer has been acutely depressed and sees little hope for moving beyond the depression, he may be a candidate for homicide or suicide. Weapons: Where a batterer possesses weapons and has used them or has threatened to use them in the past in his assaults on the battered woman, the children or himself, his access to those weapons increases his potential for lethal assault. Most batterers own several weapons. Obsessiveness About Partner or Family: A man who is obsessive about his female partner, who either idolizes her and feels that he cannot live without her or believes he is entitled to her, no matter what because she is his wife, is more likely to be life-endangering. (i.e., Buck Thurman, Torrington, CT is an example of this behavior). Centrality of the Battered Woman: If the loss of the battered woman represents or precipitates a total loss of hope for a positive future, a batterer may choose to kill (i.e., "if I can't have her, nobody will"). Rage: The most life endangering rage often erupts when a batterer believes the battered woman is leaving him. 13 Drug or Alcohol Consumption: Consumption of drugs or alcohol when in a state of despair or fury can elevate the risk of lethality. Lethality Checklist (cont'd) Pet Abuse: Those batterers who assault and mutilate pets are more likely to kill or maim family members. Access to the Battered Woman and/or Family Members: If he cannot find her, he cannot kill her. If it is concluded that a batterer is likely to kill or commit life-endangering violence, extraordinary measures should be taken to protect the victim and her children. These must include the exercise of all possible powers regarding bail, conditions of bail, and other protections available for victims, as well as referrals and follow-up to appropriate services. It is also recommended that companies - at this stage in particular - obtain a corporate criminal restraining order. DOMESTIC ABUSE COUPLE’S COUNSELING POLICY STATEMENT By Phyllis B. Frank Volunteer Counseling Service of Rockland County, Inc. New City, New York Couple’s counseling is not a viable therapeutic tool for use when there is domestic abuse between partners in a romantic relationship. We define domestic abuse as occurring when there are physical or sexual assaults, when there are threats of violence, and/or when a woman lives in an environment of fear caused by her partner. Couple’s counseling remains inappropriate even when both parties request it and/or want to maintain the couple’s relationship. Couple’s counseling is beneficial to work on marital problems. Women battering, however, is a violent criminal act, not a martial or relationship problem. It is illegal. It is a behavior that is solely the responsibility of the violent person. It is chosen by him and he alone is capable of changing it. This is true regardless of the alleged provocation, since the behavior of one partner cannot compel another to be violent. Abusive behavior must be addressed and stopped before couple’s counseling can safely and effectively take place. Treating a couple together, before abusive behavior is addressed and stopped for a significant period of time could:  Endanger the battered woman, who may face violence or threats of violence for revealing information during therapy that is disapproved of by her partner.  Lend credence to the common misunderstanding that battered women are in some way responsible for the violence inflicted upon them. Her presence in the counseling session could indicate that there is some part for her to play in stopping his abuse.  Ignore the denial, minimization, and deception about the violence that occurs when the focus on counseling is on the couple’s interaction.  Indicate that the therapist condones violence or that the violence is acceptable or not important.  Re-enforce stereotypic sex roles, possibly ignoring the battered woman’s need to have time to exercise her right and responsibility to choose whether or not to save the relationship.  Increase the battered woman’s sense of isolation, as she may prevaricate about the violence or fear to speak, even in therapy. This can have the effect of discouraging her from taking any other positive action to eliminate the violence inflicted upon her. 14  Imply that the battered woman has responsibility for seeing that the batterer gets help. Therapists need to be particularly wary of the manipulation inherent in a batterer’s refusal of anything other than couple’s treatment. Peterson Professional Alliance © It is safer to refer women to the local community domestic violence shelter (shelter, safe homes, support groups, and advocacy services) to assure safety and to provider her with legal assistance and expertise in dealing with domestic abuse. It is further recommended that women utilize the criminal legal system. In this way, services will be mandated for batterers. And refer abusive men directly to the batterer’s intervention programs. Should one or both partners participate in individual counseling, it is vital that the therapist be knowledgeable about the issue of domestic violence. Therapists must not assume that this is equal power in male/female relationships or that the battered partner can talk openly about violence. Therapists should directly and separately interview each partner to assess the incidence and extent of the batterer’s violence. Ending violence in the relationship is solely dependent on the batterer’s motivation and commitment to do so. This will not always happened, and if it does, it most likely will not occur overnight. It is possible only if the batterer seeks help, gets help and keeps working at it. Many men will drop of batterer’s rehabilitation treatment along the way. However, even continued participation by a batterer in a program is no guarantee that he will change. If battering continues, a woman may eventually need to ask herself, “Am I willing to stay in a violent relationship?” Each individual woman must arrive at the answer to that. If the batterer does change and the relationship is in tact, couple’s counseling may then be a viable modality. A formerly violent man can be re-defined as non-violent when:  He acknowledges his responsibility for his violent actions. He recognizes his ability to control and stop is violence toward his partner. He further states clearly that he has not been and will not ever be violent towards her again. She validates, in a separate session, not only that he has not been violent, but that he has affirmed his commitment never to be so again. It is helpful also to ask whether her fear of him is diminishing.  The former batterer participates in some form of ongoing treatment (educational workshop, support groups, individual counseling, etc.) to consolidate his behavioral change and to prove his commitment to continue to work on ending his abuse.  A significant period of time passes during which is treatment continues and there is no further violence. (Approximately one year from onset of treatment is suggested.)  Both partners separately request couple’s counseling. The batterer and the battered woman have two different problems. His problem is violent behavior. Hers is that she is coupled with a batterer. These two distinct issues are safely and effectively dealt with in separate counseling. Although battering is referred to as it occurs in heterosexual relationships, it is completely relevant to battering that occurs in gay and lesbian relationships. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE LAWS AND LEGAL ISSUES WHAT WILL LAW ENFORCEMENT DO?* In California, it is a felony to cause traumatic injury to a person with whom you are cohabitating, or a spouse of, or with whom you have had a child. If there is any evidence of bodily injury (internal or external, however slight) such as a black eye, broken bones, bruises, or red marks left as the result of hitting, the police have the authority to make an arrest whether or not the victim is desirous of prosecution at the time the police are called. This means that in court, it not "Jane Doe vs. The Batterer," it is now "The State of California vs. the Batterer" because the batterer has broken the State's laws. 15 If there is insupportable evidence to make an arrest and the victim does not wish to make a citizen's arrest, and the parties involved meet the criteria for mandatory reporting under 13700 Penal Code (Domestic Violence), the police will collect all the facts and write a Non-Criminal Domestic Violence Report. This report will remain in file at the police station for 4 years. This report can be used as evidence to show a history of incidents and potential violence. After the batterer has been arrested, or if the batterer has left the location and the victim is still afraid, the police may recommend that she obtain an Emergency Protective Order (EPO). The officer will telephone a judge with the details of the incident and obtain his approval for an EPO. This type of restraining order is also called a Telephonic Temporary Restraining Order (TTRO) and is good until the end of the fifth court day (5 days) or the seventh calendar day (7 days). This allows the victim to get a permanent restraining order. A temporary restraining order is an official notice from the court ordering the restrained party (the batterer) not to harass, call, contact by mail, destroy property, or otherwise molest the victim until the case is evaluated by the court. A restraining order will be issued if the court finds good cause. It is an official document of the court but is only as good as it is honored and enforced. If the victim feels the person being restrained is too dangerous and will not honor the order, it is still a good idea to get the restraining order, and to also take other safety precautions. This also means that the victim should honor the order. If the victim (NOT the batterer) decides to get back together, the victim must have the judge cancel the order. The only way to cancel the order is to return to the court of origin and request a modification of the original order. If the victim tries to trick the batterer into violating the order and falsifies a police report, she can be charged with a crime, thus damaging her credibility with any future case. It is a crime for the restrained person to violate the terms of a restraining order. A violation of a restraining order is classified as a misdemeanor. In the past the police were only able to arrest for a misdemeanor, if it had occurred in their presence. Now the police have the authority to arrest a person for violating a restraining order even if it did not occur in their presence. *Provided by Los Angeles County Sheriff - Field Operations Support Services COMMON PENAL CODE SECTIONS USED IN DOMESTIC VIOLENCE Definition of Terms (domestic violence) 13700 P.C. (a) "abuse" - intentionally or recklessly causing or attempting to cause bodily injury or causing reasonable apprehension of imminent serious bodily injury to himself, herself or another. (b) "domestic violence" - abuse committed against an adult or fully emancipated minor who is the spouse, former spouse, domestic partner, former domestic partner, or person with whom the has had a child or is having or has had a dating or relationship. (c) "officer" - for the purpose of understanding is any police officer. Inflicting Corporal Injury (spousal assault) 273.5 P.C. Willful infliction of corporal injury upon a spouse or cohabitant of the opposite or same sex, or person who is the mother or father of his/her child and the injury results in traumatic condition. Traumatic condition for the purpose of this section means the condition of a body - such as wound, external or internal whether suspect engagement 16 minor or serious caused by physical force. Violation of a Restraining Order (domestic violence) 273.6 Willful and knowing violation of a court order to prevent domestic violence or disturbance of the peace. A second or subsequent conviction for a violation of such order occurring within 7 years involving an act of violence or a "credible threat" of violence is a felony. Malicious Destruction of Phone Line 591 P.C. Any person who willfully or maliciously takes down, removes, injures or obstructs any telephone, telegraph or cable TV line, or any other line used to conduct electricity. Stalking 646.9 P.C. (a) Willfully and maliciously and repeatedly follow, harass or terrorize another person or person's immediate family and make credible threats to place that person in reasonable fear of death or great bodily injury. Must be at least 2 acts to qualify as stalking. (b) When a temporary restraining order or injunction is in effect prohibiting behavior against the same party. Common Penal Code Sections Used in Domestic Violence (cont'd) Firearm Possession by Subject of Domestic Violence Restraining Order 12021(g) Persons subject to a restraining order may not obtain, receive, purchase or otherwise acquire a firearm. The person must know they are subject to the restraining order and the restraining order must contain in bold print that they are prohibited from receiving or purchasing or attempting to receive or purchase a firearm and the penalties. (This does not apply if a firearm is received as part of a community property settlement.) Family Violence/Firearm Seizure 12028.5 P.C. The police at the scene of family violence involving a threat to human life or physical assault may take temporary custody of any firearm or deadly weapon in plain sight or by a consensual search, for protection of the peace officer or other persons present. The police may retain the weapons for 72 hours unless they were seized as evidence of an additional crime. The Criminal Justice System Excerpted from the SCCBW DV Training Manual When you call the police, it will set the criminal justice system into motion. This may lead to the arrest, conviction and imprisonment of your attacker. CALLING THE POLICE – The police can help you in two ways:  They can protect you from immediate danger and help you get out of the house safely.  In certain circumstances, they can arrest your attacker, which may lead to his conviction and even imprisonment. In the city and county of Los Angeles, the police are mandated to report on a Domestic Violence call. 17 WHEN YOU CALL THE POLICE – Whenever you call the police, explain exactly what is happening to you. For example, “my husband hit me, now he’s threatening me with a knife.” The dispatcher may ask you some questions. Answer as clearly as you can and, in addition, be sure to say if: • • • • • • You have suffered any serious injuries Your attacker is still there or has threatened to return There is a weapon involved and if so, what type Your attacker is drunk or on drugs You have called the police before You have a temporary restraining order against him Prior knowledge of any of these factors will allow the police to be better prepared to help you when they arrive. Call them as soon as you can. Domestic Violence is a number one priority for dispatch purposes. ARRESTING YOUR BATTERER – Mandatory arrest policies are standard in domestic violence cases. Both the City Attorney and District Attorney’s offices of Los Angles operate under a no-drop policy for domestic violence cases. In many instances, women who initially ask to have their attackers arrested, later change their minds. A woman might do this for numerous reasons: Peterson Professional Alliance © ♦ She may want a reconciliation with her partner, and so has second thoughts about his arrest. ♦ She may fear that if her man goes to jail, he will lose his job and be unable to support her and/or her children. ♦ She may fear retaliation for having sent him to jail. ♦ She may be concerned that if the man is arrested, their friends and family will find out about the situation. Remember, arresting the batterer is only a short-term solution, and in the end might make the situation worse. You must be prepared to ensure your safety. The batterer will be in custody for only a short while and may try to hurt you again when he gets out. POLICE REPORT – Whether or not your attacker is arrested, make sure a police report is completed. The police report is the official record of what happened to you. It contains the date, names of people involved, record of what happened and how the dispute was handled. It is important that the police make a report, even if you don’t press charges at the time, because:  You can use it to substantiate your story if you ever decide to press charges against your attacker.  It provides a past history which may assist you in gaining the help of the police (and prosecutor) if you are ever threatened again.  It can be used to show good cause for the court to grant a temporary restraining order if you should ever need one. To ensure that the police report is complete and accurate, it is important to show the officer(s) your injuries. Write down the name(s) and badge number(s) of the officer(s), and ask for the police report number. This information will make it easier for you to get a copy of the police report later. DECIDING TO PROSECUTE – If you husband or partner is arrested, the city attorney or the district attorney (prosecutor) will decide whether there is enough evidence to begin criminal proceedings against him. You are most likely the primary (or only) witness and your cooperation is essential. (Domestic violence is a criminal act against the state, however, the district attorney or city attorney, if 18 he/she has sufficient evidence, without your approval or cooperation). If the prosecutor has sufficient evidence to prosecute, she/he will act on your behalf against your batterer and will call on you to testify. You do not need to hire a private lawyer; however, if you would like to consult a lawyer and you either have the money or qualify for legal aid, you may do so. ARRAIGNMENT – Within 48 hours of his arrest, your attacker (the defendant) makes his first appearance in court at a hearing called an “arraignment.” He will be informed of the charges against him and must enter a plea. The judge will then decide whether to hole him in jail or to release him. He can be released in two ways:  He may be required to post a certain amount of bond or bail.  He may be released on his own recognizance (his personal promise to appear in court at all future hearings). Either way, he is free to come and go as he pleases until the trial (except for the possible limitations imposed by any restraining order you may have obtained). THE TRIAL SENTENCING – At the trial you may be called to testify. You will be asked by the prosecutor to describe to the court the attack against you in great detail. Your batterer’s attorney will also ask you questions. The trial can be a traumatic and humiliating experience because of the questioning and because you will see your attacker in the courtroom. You should prepare yourself for the trial be reviewing the police report so that you have the facts firmly fixed in your mind. You must keep in mind that the more detailed the information you provide the court in your testimony, the better your chances that your batterer will be convicted and sentenced to jail. The system makes it a long and difficult process, but follow through with it. At the end of the trial, your batterer will be found guilty or not guilty. If he is found guilty, the judge will decide what his sentence will be. The batterer can be sentenced to jail or prison, or placed on probation. In reality, men who are arrested for battering do not spend much time in jail, even after they have been convicted for a crime. This is especially true if it is the first arrest for battering. DISPOSITIONAL ALTERNATIVES – Once the judge hears both sides of the case, he or she can impose one or some combination of the following judgments: ♦ Refer the case for investigation by personnel, a child protective services worker, or social worker from another Unit of the Department of Social Services. ♦ Impose a suspended sentence with probation. Probation carries with it specific terms and conditions – such as refraining from further abuse and/or possibly a restraining order. If the conditions of probation are violated, a jail or prison term (the suspended sentence) may be imposed. Domestic violence counseling is a mandatory condition of probation. ♦ Order the abusive partner to undergo psychiatric examination. ♦ Impose a fine. ♦ Impose a prison sentence. The Criminal Justice System: Domestic Violence By: Donna Wills, (former) Head Deputy 19 Los Angeles County District Attorney’s Family Violence Division I. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS A CRIME AGAINST THE INDIVIDUAL AND A CRIME AGAINST THE STATE A. It is the most commonly committed and under-reported crime in the United States. According to the former U.S. Health Secretary Donna Shalala, “It’s as common as giving birth.” 95% of the perpetrators are men B. Most states have special laws regulating “abuse by spouses and intimates”; the State of California is no exception: “The legislature finds that spousal abusers constitute a clear and present danger to the physical and emotional well being of the citizens of the State of California…” California Penal Code Section 273.8 C. The criminal justice system is a powerful intervening tool; its primary goal is to stop the violence by protecting the victim and her/his children and holding the abuser accountable for the criminality of his/her conduct. Reinforcing the criminality of the abuser’s conduct means the government is doing its job in protecting citizens from assault: “Apart from ensuring our country’s survival, there can be no higher priority than controlling domestic violence. The first duty of government is to protect the citizens from assault. Unless it does this, all the civil rights and civil liberties aren’t worth a dime.” (Richard Viguerie, 1981) The arrest, prosecution, forced rehabilitation, and incarceration of abusers means:  The system is fulfilling its mandate to control violence in the home, no less than in the streets.  The victim has time to make choices for herself and her children; to seek out the support network to assist in a safe plan to leave; or if she cannot or does not wish to leave, a plan to survive.  The abuser is given incentive (esp. jail) to cease and desist; to change his behavior; to become educated not to resort to violence in an attempt to control his partner. E. Definition Penal Code Section 13700 et.seq. Domestic Violence – Abuse committed against an adult or fully emancipated minor who is a spouse, former spouse, cohabitant, former cohabitant, or a person with whom the suspect has had a child or is having or had a dating or engagement relationship. Abuse – Intentionally or recklessly causing or attempting to cause bodily injury, or placing another person in reasonable apprehension of bodily injury to himself or herself, or another. II. TEEN DATING: Domestic Violence and Child Abuse Converging D. 20 A. Victims under the age of 18 years also fall under the child abuse criminal statutes. ♦ Penal Code Section 273(d), CHILD CRUELTY prohibits the intentional infliction of extreme “corporal punishment.” ♦ Penal Code Section 288(a) and (b), CHIDL MOLEST prohibits sexual conduct whether with or without force of any minor under the age of 14 years. ♦ Other penal statutes prohibit sexual conduct with or without force whenever the victim (male or female) is under the age of 18 years. B. C. The highest reports of teen domestic violence are of sexual assaults; a 1983 study reported 56% of teen rape victims between 14 and 17 were raped by a date. Although many adult victims of domestic violence indicate that abuse occurred or began while they were still teens, teen victims constitute a small amount of the reported assaults. Teenagers have an even more difficult time recognizing abuse and seeking help. They are more likely to report to a teenage friend than an adult; or their parents instead of the police. Inexperienced and naïve about what is appropriate in “love relationships,” teens have even a harder time believing that someone they love has no right to hurt them. Girls are often much younger than their abuser, and thus more susceptible to control and liable to keep the abuse hidden. Jealousy and possessiveness are the same key motivations of the abuser. The cycle of abuse is the same: tension building, explosion, and honeymoon. Victims will deny, minimize, and self-blame – then add peer pressure, emotional loyalty, far of being without a boyfriend, and ignorance of self-worth as female. D. III. CRIMINAL JUSTICE TOOLS TO STOP DOMESTIC VIOLENCE A. B. C. D. MANDATORY ARREST takes the burden off victims and put the responsibility of enforcing the criminality of the abuser’s conduct on the government. ACCESS TO PROTECTIVE ORDER: Orders prohibiting abusers’ access to victims establish barriers to continuing the violence. MANDATORY REPORTING BY SERVICE PROVIDERS requires service providers to assist in notifying law enforcement whenever domestic violence is known or reasonably suspected. AGGRESSIVE PROSECUTION: Victims are no longer allowed to “drop charges”; prosecutors will proceed to hold the abuser responsible with or without the victim’s cooperation, as long as there is legally sufficient evidence to proceed. IV. THE OVERRIDING STATE INTEREST IN PREVENTING INJURY, HOMICIDE AND BREAK THE CYCLE OF ABUSE A. Domestic violence is the major cause of injury to women between 15- and 44, more common than mugging, rape, and care accidents combined. Two to six million women a year will be treated for injuries related to domestic violence; over 44 million dollar annually are spent to pay off medical expenses and loss of wages for domestic violence injuries. (Los Angeles County Domestic Violence Council Fact Sheet; Commission on the Status of Women) A woman is more at risk of being injured, raped, and murdered by her male partner than by a stranger. Two-thirds of attacks were committed by someone known, 21 usually a male partner. (FBI) B. Domestic violence is a major cause of female homicide. Both the frequency and severity of domestic violence usually escalates over time. The potential for poor outcome is a grim reality, especially for adult women, who are more likely to be lolled than teens. Thirty-three percent of the female homicides were committed by a husband, boyfriend, or dating partner. Domestic violence is a contributing cause of suicide; battering precipitated 25% of suicide attempts. (Commission on the Status of Women) Domestic violence is a leading cause of birth defects; 25% of women are battered during pregnancy. (Commission on the Status of Women) One-in-five teens and one-in-six adult women experience abuse during pregnancy. Abuse is related to low birth weight and late entry into prenatal care. (Obst. Gynecol 1994:84:323-8) More children are born from birth defects from battering than for all the diseases for which a woman is immunized during pregnancy. Domestic violence is a significant risk for child abuse. Fifty percent of batterers also batter the children; girls are six times more likely to be sexually assaulted by their mother’s batterer; children are injured or killed either intentionally or while trying to protect their mother. In one study, 63% of boys between the ages 11-20, who were incarcerated for homicide, killed their mother’s abuser. Experts now see witnessing domestic violence as itself a form of emotional and psychological child abuse, not yet recognized by the criminal justice system except as a defense to Parental Child Abduction. (See Penal Code Section 277) Domestic violence breeds a cycle of violence that’s generational and impacts the entire community. Eighty percent of the batterers’ sons will grow up to be batterers; 90% of death row offenders allege child abuse or domestic violence in their background. Violent youths are four times more likely to come from homes where there is domestic violence; domestic violence calls account for 30% of police officer homicides; innocent bystanders and workplaces are not immune to violence bred in the home. Companies lose 1,751,100 days a year due to violence in the workplace - 10% of that absenteeism or 175,000 days is due to domestic violence. (Workplace Violence Department of Justice, 1994) In 1993 - 1,063 women died due to workplace violence. Homicide is the number one cause of death in the workplace for women in California. (U.S. Bureau of Labor) Los Angeles Police Department estimates 50% of its radio calls are domestic violence related; the courts are heavily burdened with the processing of domestic violence cases; next to drunk driving, spousal assault is the most common serious misdemeanor prosecuted in Los Angeles County. V. THE POLICE AND MANDATORY ARREST A. The 911 call or report made to the police by the victim, child, a neighbor, health professional, family member or friend, activates the criminal justice system’s intervention. Once the abuse is disclosed, the criminal justice system must respond: 1) to protect the victim and her children from further abuse; and 2) to hold the abuser accountable for violating the law, regardless of the wishes of the victim to the contrary. It is estimated that all but two of the police departments in Los Angeles County have C. D. E. F. B. 22 established a protocol requiring mandatory arrest in domestic violence cases. This means the patrol officer at the scene of a domestic violence incident no longer has the discretion to “counsel and release” whenever there exists probable cause to make an arrest. Penal Code Section 273.5 requires only a “traumatic injury.” PC 836 enables the officers to make a misdemeanor arrest without warrant if there is a reasonable cause to believe that the incident occurred. C. D. The police facilitate the victim’s medical treatment if necessary. Police officers can issue Emergency Protective Orders, at the scene, which are good for 5-7 days from the day of issue. The orders mandate the abuser to stay away, giving the victim time to secure a temporary restraining order. Police officers must give victims’ information about shelters and other support networks. If necessary, they will transport victims to shelters. There are approximately 22 shelters and approximately 486 beds for battered women in Los Angeles County. There is three times the number of shelters for animals in the country than for battered women (approximately 3,600 shelters for animals vs. 1,500 shelters for battered women and their children). Police officers can remove firearms and other deadly weapons from the scene and hold them temporarily in police custody. Police can educate a victim about her options, especially: • • • • “You don’t deserve to be abused.” “I’m afraid for your safety and the safety of your children.” “Your abuser will eventually hurt you even more seriously unless we stop him now.” “You don’t have to live with this, people are ready to help you with a plan for a safe way out when you decided to leave or give you advice about how to protect yourself and your children from continued abuse.” E. F. G. H. Police investigate and gather evidence of the crime for presentation to the District Attorney for prosecution. Good police investigations at the scene and thorough follow-up investigation regarding the victim’s injuries, the abuser’s past criminal record, witnesses’ statements, corroborating photos and video/audio tapes, are invaluable for a successful prosecution. VI. AGGRESSIVE PROSECUTION: THE DISTRICT ATTONEY’S OFFICE A. In Los Angeles County, the District Attorney’s Office is responsible for the prosecution of all felony crimes and those misdemeanor crimes in areas where there is no city attorney prosecutor. The prosecutor decides whether to file charges and which charges will be filed. Peterson Professional Alliance © In domestic violence cases, charges are filed with the view that the case can proceed with or without the victim’s cooperation. Once filed, charges will not be dropped or dismissed merely because the victim refuses to cooperate, recants, or minimizes the offense. As long as there remains legally sufficient evidence to support a conviction, the case will proceed until the defendant either pleads guilty or his guilt or innocence is determined by a court or a jury. This police take a major burden off the victim. It lets both the victim and the abuser know that it is the court, not the victim or the abuser, that will control the destiny of the case. 23 B. Evidence used by the prosecution to support its case: ♦ 911 tape ♦ statements of witnesses, especially the children, other family members, neighbors, co-workers, bystanders, and friends ♦ responding officer’s observations: especially victim’s injuries, broken furniture, torn clothing, etc. ♦ recovered weapon and other physical evidence from the scene ♦ victim’s statements to the patrol and investigating officer ♦ victim’s statements to medical staff ♦ photographs of injuries ♦ expert medical testimony as to cause of injuries ♦ video/audio tapes of victim, witnesses, and defendant’s statements ♦ restraining orders and affidavits in support thereof ♦ divorce and family law affidavits ♦ Battered Women’s Syndrome expert testimony C. The District Attorney’s Domestic Violence Protocol In 1993, established the Domestic Violence Unit to vertically prosecute felony cases; reorganized into the Family Violence Division in July 1994, responsible to vertically prosecute domestic violence and child physical abuse cases in the Central Judicial District and to coordinate prosecutorial intervention and prevention efforts throughout the county. Recidivists and serious offenders are targeted for felony prosecution. Prosecutors who have received special training in domestic violence prosecution vertically prosecute felonies. Vertical prosecution means that the same Assistant District Attorney handles the case from start to finish. In 1993, 1,570 felonies were filed; 3,438 misdemeanors were filed – a 1/3 increase since 1991. Jail time is recommended in all domestic violence cases; batterer treatment programs alone are not enough to reinforce the criminality of the abuser’s conduct. Victim-Witness Assistance advocates work out of the District Attorney’s Office to assist victims in counseling, state compensation for victims of violent crimes, court accompaniment and application for restraining orders. D. THE COMMON CHARGES Straight Misdemeanors = Battery, PC 242 = Exhibiting Weapon/Firearm, PC 417(A)(1) or (2) = Battery on Dating Partner, PC 243(e) = Annoying Phone Calls, PC 653(m) Alternative Felony/Misdemeanors = Spousal Assault, PC 273.5 = Assault w/Deadly Weapon or GBI (great bodily injury), PC 245(a)(1) = Assault w/Firearm, PC 245 (a)(1) 24 = Criminal Threats, PC 422 = Witness Intimidation, PC 136 = Shooting at Vehicle/Residence, PC 246 = Stalking, PC 646.9 = False Imprisonment, PC 236 = Violation of TRO, PC 273.6 = Battery w/Serious Bodily Injury, PC 243(d) = Child Abduction, PC 277 = Telephone Destruction, PC 591 = Vandalism, PC 594 Straight Felonies = Murder, PC 187 = Attempted Murder, PC 187 = Torture, PC 206 = Mayhem, PC 203 = Kidnap, PC 207 = Spousal Rape, PC 262 = Violation of TRO w/Threats/Violence, PC 273.6 = False Imprisonment by Force/Violence, PC 236 Related Statutes = Legislative Intent, re: Spousal Abusers, PC 273.8 to 273.88, Protocols for Domestic Violence, PC 13700 to 13730 = Holding Weapons Domestic Violence Incidents, PC 12028.5 = Stay Away Orders, PC 136.2 = Hate Crime, PC 422.6 = Police Protective Order, Civil Code 546(b) = No Cite Release/When TRO Violation, PC 273.6 = Battered Woman Evidence, Evidence Code 1107 = Cannot Jail Victim for Contempt, Refusal to Testify, Code of Civil Procedure, 1219 = Domestic Violence Counselor Privilege, Evidence Code 1037.7 VII. MANDATORY REPORTING, PENAL CODE SECTION 11160 et.seq. A. All health care practitioners who know or reasonable suspect “assaultive or abusive conduct” must telephone and report to police immediately and follow-up with a written report within two working days (for any injury they are treating). In addition, any wound or other injury inflicted by knife, firearm, or other deadly weapon must be reported whether accidental, self-inflicted, or inflicted by another. B. Report must include name of person injured, injured person’s whereabouts, the character of injuries, and the identity of the perpetrator. Report should also include comments by injured person regarding past domestic violence and diagram for injuries; referral to counseling services is also recommended. Failure to report is a misdemeanor punishable in the county jail for up to six months and fines of up to $1,000. Health care practitioners are not liable for civil or criminal liability for reporting suspected abuse to law enforcement. Photographs can be taken and also given to law enforcement, without liability. Immunity does not cover using photographs for any other purpose (like medical trainings). Penal Code Section II, 161.9. Health care practitioners who are sued can apply for up to $50,000 to pay for attorney fees when sued for reporting. C. 25 VIII. THE CRIMINAL JUSTICE SYSTEM CANNOT SOLVE THE PROBLEM ALONE A. Rehabilitation. You’ll hear experts argue that domestic violence is learned behavior and can be unlearned through counseling treatment and incentive to change enforced through the criminal justice system. Recently, one research study warned that the “anger-management” focus for reforming batterers won’t work on the percentage of batterers who act with cold-hearted calculation (their heart rate actually goes down, indicating a high rate of control) when abusing and assaulting their partners. Trying to separate the “anger-only” abuser from the anti-social, potential murderer is a dangerous risk assessment that everyone in the system undertakes when the batterer is forced into counseling. However, we should not lose sight of the fact that the purpose of enforcing criminal laws is not just for rehabilitation – punishment is a legitimate method of expressing society’s ultimate intolerance for the conduct. More and more people are coming to the conclusion that the abuser should go to jail simply because they deserve it! B. Recidivism. The recidivist factor is the most salient indicator that the criminal justice system alone will not solve the problem of domestic violence. Studies in the 1980s showed that repeated offenses went down after incarceration of the abuser. Other studies indicate the positive effects of incarceration work best only if the abuser has a job, and the threat of losing his job works as an incentive to cease and desist battering. According to the Department of Justice, one in five women who report domestic violence have been victims of three assaults within six months of their report. Every time an abuser resorts to violence, it increases the potential for homicide – either the victim’s when the abuser goes too far; the abuser’s when the victim defends herself from attack; and/or the children, the “forgotten, silent victims,” are caught in the middle. XI. CONCLUSION The criminal justice system is a powerful intervening force to assist in stopping the cycle legacy of abuse bred from violence in the home. However, the problem cannot be solved by the justice system alone. America as a nation, and every community within it, every profession, and every person, must become educated to the repercussions of “love abuse” and “familial abuse” and refuse to tolerate it, or condone it, or allow the cancer to grow untreated. THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!!!! ABUSED WOMEN: A QUESTION OF SELF-DEFENSE A series of articles from the San Francisco Examiner National Edition, Sunday, August 30, 1992 By Candy J. Cooper of the Examiner Staff BATTERED WOMEN WHO KILL: MURDER OR DEFENSE? At Frontera Prison, inmates battle their convictions and call for understanding and clemency. FRONTERA, San Bernardino County – Inside the concertina wire of one of the largest prisons for women in the country, what began as an awakening by one despairing inmate convicted of murder has become an unprecedented legal campaign. The awakening came to Brenda Clubine, an outspoken 84-pound woman imprisoned nine years ago for killing her husband with a bottle. Once locked up, she began to hear echoes of her story from other women behind bars – of savage beatings, urgent cries for help and a murder conviction. 26 Her revelation inspired a support group, which activated a feeble request for clemency for herself and others, which then aroused more than 100 fiercely passionate supporters outside prison walls from San Francisco to Los Angeles. Now, at least 21 women convicted of killing their partners, backed by some of the largest corporate law firms in the state, say the Governor should set them free. Another 20 women may follow. The movement is driven by the women’s stories, most of them never fully told in court. The stories are of partners who inflicted years of staggering abuse, or communities that stood mute, and of harsh sentences under what the women describe as archaic law and an unjust system. It is more than a campaign for clemency. While the women’s cases are sensational and extreme, gaining notoriety across the country, they highlight the common and closeted phenomenon of domestic violence afflicting one of every four women in the country at least once in her lifetime, according to the American Medical Association. Their bid has captured the attention of legislators who had never before heard of battered-woman syndrome, a complex set of symptoms more common through less universally recognized than the post-traumatic stress disorders of combat veterans. The symptoms help explain how a woman can remain with her batterer through the most savage of beatings. Legislators, in turn, have passed two new state laws. Advocates say the women’s cases show the deeply ingrained sexism of the courts, dating back centuries and identified in a state report two years go. A woman who suffers domestic violence already faces “serious issues of gender bias” in court – ranging from a judge’s dismissive courtroom demeanor to lax enforcement of restraining orders, according to a State Judicial Council report. If she then kills her batterer, she commits an act historically viewed as a crime against the state – tantamount to killing the king. “The justice system is not available to her before the act, but then if she strikes back to defend herself, it’s all over her,” said Cookie Ridolfi, a law professor at Santa Clara University. “If a man defends himself, it’s acceptable. But if a woman kills, it deeply challenges the myth of the docile female. If she picks up a weapon, what kind of woman could she be?” The cases have opened a debate about whether the current law on self-defense, written for a one-time adversative incident, adequately covers women who live with repeated beatings. If a woman waits until the threat is imminent, some argue, she may not live to assert the defense. “She will probably continue to be beaten and actually killed herself,” said (then) Assemblywoman Jackie Speier, D.South San Francisco, in hearings held at the California Institution for Women at Frontera last September. And many women are. Just over half of all women murdered in the United States are killed by male partners; 12 percent of men are killed by female partners, according to the Journal of the American Medical Association. Their prosecutors, who, pointing to unsympathetic facts in the cases, say battered women have no license to kill, mostly contest the women’s clemency petitions. One woman shot her husband at near point-blank range in his sleep. Another dropped cold capsules into champagne before delivering the blow to his head that killed him; another dismembered her abuser after the killing. “I don’t think we should grant clemency on the battered-woman theory at all,” said one prosecutor. Others say they would not stand in the way. “My emotions are very mixed, but I think she should be out,” said Judson Morris, a Pasadena Municipal Court judge who, while a district attorney, prosecuted the case of a 77-year-old woman who stabbed her husband to death seven years ago. “In my heart, I know she wasn’t a victim of battered woman syndrome, but she’s a sick little old lady who’s not going to go out and kill people again.” Her attorneys argued that the woman was battered for nearly 50 years before she lethally 27 struck back, though her story was never fully aired in court. Assemblywoman Speier said many of the women should have been sent to prison. The question is, how long should they have to spend behind bars? “There’s no question in my mind that many of them shouldn’t served some time,” said Speier. “You take a life and you pay. But in most cases, they should not have received 15 years to life in prison. They should have received voluntary manslaughter.” RESTRAINING ORDERS* Emergency Protective Orders (EPOs) Emergency Protective Orders are obtained by law enforcement officers by telephoning the on-call judge and receiving approval based on the facts of the incident. Law enforcement is able to request an EPO 7 days a week, 24 hours a day. The EPOs, if served upon the respondent, are enforceable for 7 calendar days or 5 court days. Temporary Restraining Orders (TROs) Temporary Restraining Orders are applied for by the victim (the protected person) at Superior Court in the county where the victim lives, if that is where the violence is likely to occur. TROs, if served upon the respondent, are enforceable 14-21 calendar days and are issued by a judge prior to the hearing date for the more permanent Restraining Order. Restraining Orders (ROs) Restraining Orders in domestic violence incidents are also known as Domestic Violence Restraining Orders (DVROs). Restraining Orders are issued by a judge and are usually, upon service of the respondent, enforceable for 3 years, although there have been occasions where a Restraining Order was issued that did not expire. Also, if the judge determines there are extreme circumstances, the order can be for 5 years. The fee for DVROs is waived for victims of domestic violence. NOTE: It is important to remember that only a judge can cancel a restraining order. This can be achieved by returning to court and requesting the cancellation of an order by the judge. *Provided by Los Angeles County Sheriff - Field Operations Support Services SAFETY PLANNING - Recommend that the victim contact the local shelter and discuss ways to leave and places she might go to keep herself and her children safe and alive. - Victim should have an extra set of house and car keys hidden in a safe place so she can leave quickly. Also, she should leave extra keys with a close and truly trusted friend and/or at work that a trusted co-worker could bring her. - In a safe place that is accessible 24 hours - but NOT in her own home - money, important essential papers for herself and the children (i.e., children's birth certificates, car registration, social security card or immigration papers if necessary, a change of clothes, needed medications, and anything else that could not easily be duplicated. - Have the victim keep emergency phone numbers, hotline numbers, etc. hidden where only she can find them. - Have the victim find a trustworthy friend or co-worker and begin to develop some plans on calling 28 the police and finding a safe, temporary hiding place. This person should be someone the batterer does not know or would not think to call. - Take appointment books, calendars, address books, etc. - Hide or destroy anything that might give him a clue as to where she is hiding (i.e., telephone and credit card bills). - Take small salable items: jewelry, cameras, radios, etc. to sell or pawn. - Take favorite toys and games for the kids. - She should take family photographs for "company." - Since shelters cannot take pets, set out food and water; or have a trusted friend be willing to take them in (someone the batterer doesn't know) or have the pets placed in a kennel and leave the phone number of the trusted friend NOT the home number. Some ASPCAs have agreed to house pets of domestic violence victims, while they are in shelter. You would need to check with your local animal shelter. - If possible, move furniture into storage. - Destroy any weapons (check with law enforcement on the safest way to do this). - DO NOT LEAVE A NOTE. LEAVE NO CLUES AS TO YOUR WHEREABOUTS. SAFETY PLANNING WHILE STILL IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP Taken from the Los Angeles County Domestic Violence Handbook, “It Shouldn’t Hurt to Go Home” If you are living with the person who is battering you, here are some things you can do to ensure your and your children’s safety. 1. Have important phone numbers memorized – friends and relatives whom you can call in an emergency. If your children are old enough, teach them important phone numbers, including when and how to dial 911. 2. Keep this booklet in a safe place – where your batterer won’t find it, but where you can get it when you need to review it. 3. Keep change for pay phones with you at all times. 4. If you can, open your own bank account – have statements mailed to a friend or relatives home. 5. Stay in touch with friends. Get to know your neighbors. Resist any temptation to cut yourself off from people – even if you feel like you just want to be left alone. 6. Rehearse your escape plan until you know it by heart. 7. Leave a set of car keys, extra money, a change of clothes and copies of the following documents, with a trusted friend or relative.  Your and your children’s birth certificates  Your children’s school and medical records  Bank books  Welfare identification  Passports or green cards 29      Your social security card Lease agreements or mortgage payment books Insurance papers Important addresses and telephone numbers Any other important documents Safety After You Have Left the Relationship Once you no longer live with the batterer, here are some things you can do to enhance your and your children’s safety. 1. Change the locks – if you’re still in your home and the batterer is the one who has left. 2. Install as many security features as possible in your home. These might include metal doors and gates, security alarm systems, smoke detectors and outside lights. 3. Inform neighbors that your former partner is not welcome on the premises. Ask them to call the police if they see that person loitering about your property or watching your home. 4. Make sure the people who care for your children are very clear about who does and who does not have permission to pick up your children. 5. Obtain a restraining order. Keep it near you at all times, and make sure friends, neighbors, work, your children’s school, etc. have copies to show the police. 6. Let your co-workers know about the situation – if your former partner is likely to come to your work place to bother you. Ask them to warn you if they observe that person around. 7. Avoid the stores, banks, and businesses you used when you were living with the batterer. 8. Get counseling. Attend workshops. Join support groups. Do whatever it takes to form a supportive network that will be there when you need it. ESCAPE LIST ALL IDENTIFICATION ON SELF AND CHILDREN – especially birth certifications, immigration papers (passports, green cards, alien registration), driver’s licenses, insurance identification, social security cards, school identification, etc. WELFARE PAPERS – General relief, Medical, SSI, Social Security, food stamps, etc. INSURANCE PAPERS – car, health, life, dental APPOINTMENT BOOKS/CALENDARS/ADDRESS BOOKS LEGAL PAPERS – adoption, marriage license, divorce decrees, restraining orders, police complaints, tax returns, school records, professional licenses, diplomas, etc. MEDICAL RECORDS – especially immunization records on kids, dental records, and clinic cards MONEY/CREDIT CARDS BANK BOOKS/CHECK BOOKS/SAFETY DEPOSIT BOX KEY RECEIPTS – rent, personal property (furniture, cameras, etc.), pawn tickets CAR REGISTRATION KEYS – house, car, garage, cabin, boat, motorcycle PRESCRIPTION MEDICINES MEMBERSHIP CARDS – trade unions, shopping cooperatives, library, discount 30 SMALL SALEABLE ITEMS – TVs, cameras, jewelry, radios, art PHOTOGRAPHS/ALBUMS FAVORITE TOYS FOR KIDS FAVORITE POSSESSIONS FOR SELF PETS FAVORITE CLOTHES – laundry ABOUT SHELTERS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ADVOCACY SHELTER SERVICES In order to qualify as a domestic violence shelter and funding, shelters are required by state and federal law to provide the following services: 1. 24-Hour Hotline and Crisis Intervention Counseling - However, many shelters do not provide any intake services late at night. They will provide services in finding the victim a location for the night. 2. Emergency shelter, hotel vouchers, safe homes - If a shelter has no space, the shelter will find a shelter that can accommodate or provide a hotel voucher or a safe home. Stay in a shelter is approximately 30-45 days. 3. Counseling - Most shelters provide support services, even if the victim is not staying in the shelter. This is one of the most important services for women in crisis. 4. Children's Programs - Counseling also extends to children, Even though some programs may have limited children's programs due to funding. This service is also important, since children have to leave all familiar surroundings - friends and school - behind. 5. Food, Clothing, Emergency Services - Shelters will provide any necessary clothing for women and children, plus any assistance to state organizations so that the family can get food and any other necessities. Also, if the woman or children need any medical attention, some shelter will see that such services are obtained. Also, in Los Angeles County, shelters have visiting nurses that come once a month to assist with any minor medical needs - or make recommendations if any member of the family needs more extensive medical attention. 6. Outreach/Support Groups - All shelters provide community outreach. This outreach is designed to recruit volunteers to assist shelter staff. The requirements are a 40-hour training. The support groups which are conducted are done by staff, volunteers, and survivors of abuse. This outreach is also designed to educate the public regarding domestic violence. 7. Follow-up Program - When women who have stayed in shelters leave the program, they are continually in contact with shelter staff. Once the woman leaves, she is not merely forgotten. Any additional assistance beyond the shelter is accommodated by shelter staff (to the best of their ability and resources). Staff know that this is the critical time - if the going gets to be too tough, the woman will return to the abusive relationship. 8. Advocacy/Legal/Housing/Money - The shelter will attempt to get any resources for the victim that is possible. This includes: advocacy - so that the victim does not have to go court alone; legal - the shelter will assist the victim in getting whatever legal assistance necessary so that restraining orders, custody orders, visitation orders, etc. are done with an effort of keeping the victim and the children; housing - when the 30-45 days ends at the shelter, the staff will assist to put the victim in contact with those agencies (local, state and federal) that will assist the victim in obtaining housing; money - staff will also assist the victim in getting any assistance such as AFDC , etc. and even assist in getting job training or job assistance. 9. Volunteer Program 31 10. 11. Community Education Programs/Networking Immigrant rights, information and bilingual and multilingual services Peterson Professional Alliance © LOCAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SHELTERS AND HOTLINES Business Phone Hotline SAN FERNANDO VALLEY HAVEN HILLS Betty Fisher TAMAR HOUSE Tracey Hutchinson ANTELOPE VALLEY & PALMDALE VALLEY OASIS Carol Ensign ASSOC TO AID VICTIMS OF DV Clara Stroup CENTRAL & WEST LOS ANGELES CENTER FOR PACIFIC ASIAN FAMILY Debra Suh 323-653-4045 818-887-7481 818-908-5007 818-887-6589 818-505-0900 805-949-1916 805-945-6736 661-259-8175 323-653-4042 213-937-1312 310-264-6646 FREE SPIRIT-CHICANA SERVICES 213-253-5959 Sophia Esparza SOJOURN Pat Butler SOUTH BAY 1736 FAMILY CRISIS CENTER Carol Adelkoff PEACE & JOY Wilma Wilson RAINBOW SERVICES Connie McFall SU CASA Renee DeLong Chomiak WOMENSHELTER OF LONG BEACH Brenda Weathers Peterson Professional Alliance © 310-548-5450 310-402-7081 562-491-5362 310-399-9232 310-372-4674 310-379-3620 310-763-7730 310-547-9343 310-402-4888 562-437-4663 32 LOCAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SHELTERS AND HOTLINES (cont'd) Business Phone Hotline SOUTH CENTRAL 1736 FAMILY CRISIS CENTER Carol Adelkoff JENESSE CENTER Karen Earl 310-372-4674 323-751-1145 213-741-5050 323-731-6500 SAN GABRIEL VALLEY & EAST LOS ANGELES ANGEL STEP IN 562-906-5061 Patty King EAST LOS ANGELES-CHICANA SRVS Sophia Esparza GLENDALE-YWCA SHELTER Sylvia Hines HAVEN HOUSE Sheila Halfon WOMEN & CHILDREN'S CRISIS CTR Sandy Baker YWCA-WINGS San Gabriel Jody Rodriguez POMONA HOUSE OF RUTH Barbara Hope 213-253-5959 818-242-4155 626-564-8880 562-945-3937 562-906-5060 213-629-5800 818-242-1106 626-681-2626 562-945-3939 626-967-0658 626-915-5191 909-623-4364 909-988-5559 FOR A SAFE WAY OUT 1-800-978-3600 Peterson Professional Alliance © 33 COUNSELING SKILLS Peterson Professional Alliance © 34 INTERVENTION FOR BATTERING GENERAL HOTLINE CALLS Adapted from Trauma and Recovery by Judith Lewis Herman FOR ALL BATTERING CALLS, THE SAFETY OF THE SURVIVOR IS THE MOST IMPORTANT ISSUE. 1. SURVIVOR IS REMAINING WITH THE BATTERER For whatever reason, the caller wants to, or must, stay with her batterer. It may be the first time he has been violent and she is confused and afraid, or the abuse may have been ongoing and she is not ready to, or cannot, leave. Although many of us would like to hear that a woman is leaving her batterer and seeking safety, as a counselor, your role is NOT to convince her to leave. This must be her decision. If she chooses to stay, she may have good reasons for doing so that you are unaware of. Remember that the caller is usually a complete stranger to you. You have no way of knowing if leaving is the answer for her. Also, do not think you can save her by getting her to leave. Leaving may place her in greater danger. In fact, when a survivor is ready to leave her batterer, it is also the most dangerous time for her, since the level of control, as well as the frequency and intensity of the violence, is higher. Remember that she is the expert on her life. Also, trying to convince her to leave may be giving her the message that she is somehow inadequate or stupid for not leaving. Chances are good that she is already hearing that message from others in her life. Counselors do not want to reinforce that feeling. Those who encourage battered women to leave are also being directive and asserting their agendas. This dis-empowers a survivor who has a right to make decisions for herself. A. Caller may be frightened and confused, does not know what to think or do, may be immobilized, and may be in denial…. 1. Check For Safety/Check for Injury/Try to get Phone Number in Case of Disconnect or Need to Send Police Peterson Professional Alliance © The batterer is often not present (i.e., she may call during the day while he is at work). If survivor is not safe, see if she can get to a safe place or offer to send police. 2. Validate “That sounds really scary.”…..”It seems to me like he took you by surprise.”… “I’m really glad you called.” 3. Educate the Caller a. Explain How Violence Escalates “I’m concerned that he shoved you because in a lot of relationships when one partner starts to use violence, we find that the violence tends to escalate or get worse. So sometimes what happens is, some people start out by slapping or shoving; then it gets worse and the violence may lead to punching or kicking. I don’t know if this is what will happen to you, but I’m concerned for your safety because the next time you might get really hurt.” 35 b. Explain the Cycle of Violence “I’m hearing that about three months ago he shoved you and that he was really sorry about it afterwards but lately you started to feel some tension and he slapped you. Is that right? I’m wondering if you’ve ever heard of something called the cycle of violence? Many women, who are with partners who do the kind of things you’re telling me about, have this happen between themselves and their partner. First they feel some tension, then their partner blows up and hits them or yells at them, and then the partner is really sorry and promises never to do it again. But then, it all happens again, the tension, the explosion, and the make-up part, and it happens again and again and then along the way, the violence starts to get worse and worse. I’m wondering if this sounds familiar because I’m really concerned for your safety.” Peterson Professional Alliance © c. Explain the Dangers of Isolation in Battering Relationships “I’m hearing that you’re sad because you no longer see much of your friends and family and you recently quit your job to please your partner. A lot of the time, in relationships where one partner seems to need a lot of control, we find that the other person starts to get cut off from other people. For women who were actually in battering relationships, it’s scary because then, when they need help, no one is there to help…” …As the victim is isolated, she becomes increasingly dependent on the perpetrator, not only for survival and basic bodily needs but also for information and even for emotional sustenance. The more frightened she is, the more she is tempted to cling to the one relationship that is permitted: the relationship with the perpetrator. In the absence of any other human connection, she will try to find the humanity in her captor. Inevitably, in the absence of any other point of view, the victim will come to see the world through the eyes of the perpetrator… (Editor’s Note: this is often referred to as the Stockholm Syndrome) d. Suggest Calling the Police Counselors can suggest that the survivor call the police or have neighbors call the police. Survivors may have various responses for this suggestion, follow her lead. 1) Realize that she is in danger and wants police called. Counselors can also suggest that survivors talk to their neighbors beforehand while the batterer is away and ask the neighbors to call the police. 2) Is hesitant to call the police but may try the next time . To a survivor, it seems extreme because her abuser is not viewed as a criminal and she may not want to embarrass herself or him. She may also be afraid of his reaction if the police are called. Peterson Professional Alliance © 3) Sometimes neighbors have heard noise and called the police for the 36 survivor. This is sometimes acceptable if the batterer stops battering. However, the batterer could resume beating his/her partner after the police leave and the survivors are often aware of the danger. 4) At times, the police have been called before, sometimes on numerous occasions and nothing is ever resolved. The survivor may be frustrated with the lack of results and no longer sees calling the police as an option. 5) A survivor sometimes adamantly refuses to call the police. Her batterer may be involved with drugs or other illegal activities that she could also be arrested for. This is a special concern if she has children. If both partners are arrested, the children may end up in foster homes if they cannot stay with other relatives. Also, she may be extremely frightened based on past experience. She may be afraid or concerned to call the police if her abuser has high social and/or professional status, since calling the police may have an adverse affect on his reputation, thus, on the family and his ability to provide for her and possibly for the children. Survivors are often willing to call the police if the situation is dangerous. However, do not think of it as an instant solution. Again, callers sometimes have good reasons for not calling the police. It is simply one of their options. B. She wonders if she is a battered woman but may or may not be ready to face that…. just wants him to stop beating her… Many women wonder if they might be battered women. This is a delicate issue depending on the caller. In this society, it is difficult to be identified as a battered woman. Counselors can: Peterson Professional Alliance © 1. Validate and Educate – “It sounds to me like you’re concerned that you might be battered. It is a confusing thing and it’s hard to know but I think you’re really courageous in calling and in trying to find out. It’s a difficult situation regardless… When someone is trying to decide if they’re being battered, sometimes it helps to ask certain questions like, ‘Am I afraid of my partner’s temper?’ I’m wondering if you might like to hear some of the questions? You don’t have to answer them out loud; it’s just a sort of guideline. I have a whole list. Here’s another one to think about, ‘Does your partner ever hit you or call you names?’ It goes on…..” C. Just wants him to stop beating her…. Other callers want the relationship to continue but want the violence to end. Callers often ask if counseling is available for their partners and/or for themselves. 1. Counselors Can Validate and Educate “I’m hearing that you really love your partner but at the same time, you’re afraid of him. I imagine that must be really confusing. It sounds like it’s really hard to talk about and I think you were brave to call. I’m glad you called. You said before that you just want the violence to stop, and that you’re interested in counseling? I’m glad 37 you thought of it…” 2. Educate Caller on Counseling Issues a. Counseling for the Survivor – Counseling for the survivor can be effective. She may benefit from one-on-one counseling or group. Counseling also offers an opportunity for her to hear other viewpoints besides her abuser’s and avoid isolation. Peterson Professional Alliance © b. Counseling for the Abuser – Many counseling programs also exist for batterers. However, like an alcoholic, if a batterer does not admit or see his violent behavior as a problem, counseling is not often effective. However, batterers sometimes promise their partners to go to counseling, if they agree to stay. It is important for the woman to know that she is not necessarily safe from the abuse, simply because the abuser is in counseling. The tendency to use violence to resolve conflicts takes a long time to overcome and may still be used if the abuser should become angry, even if he/she is in counseling. Other times, batterers are court mandated to attend counseling sessions. Counselors can impart this information to a survivor and use extreme care and sensitivity. A caller may have depended on counseling as the solution and it is difficult for a caller to hear that it may not be. Couples Counseling – It is not recommended to have couples counseling for those in battering relationships. Couples’ counseling assumes an equal power relationship between the two parties; thus, both take responsibility for the problems in the relationship. In an abusive situation, one person has much more power and control over the other; thus, a couple’s counselor may place blame and responsibility on the survivor, when the survivor has little or no control. Also, a couple’s counselor may not be trained to recognize or deal with a battering relationship and make erroneous assumptions about the relationship, such as being unaware that any violence is taking place. Another problem with couples counseling is that the abuser and the survivor are counseled together by the therapist. During the session, some survivors have voiced their anger about the batterer’s violent behavior. Later, the batterer punishes his/her partner for telling the therapist “lies” or for telling the therapist anything at all. c. Peterson Professional Alliance © D. Battered Women May be Concerned about Their Children Many battered women elect to stay, feeling that “an abusive father is better than no father at all” or because the batterer can provide “a good living” for the family. Sometimes, the batterer harms only his partner and does not physically or emotionally abuse the children. However, the children are affected, and it is most often acted out by the child. 38 Counselors can: 1. Validate and Educate the Caller “I’m hearing that you’re concerned because your child is starting to hit other kids and can be really violent. I imagine that must be really scary for you and I think you’re right when you say that you think your relationship with your partner has something to do with it. You sound like you’re a good mother to your child to be so concerned…We do know that children who see daddy beating on mommy, for instance, get very stressed and upset. They also start to think that that’s how people resolve problems and that it’s okay to hit. So, when you have that combination, with the stress and fear and violence, it’s not unusual for a child to act out like that, especially boy children because boys identify with their father. Now, it doesn’t mean that a boy child will become a batterer, just because his father batterers, but there is a tendency. Then with little girls, they see their mother being hit and think that it’s okay for other people to hit them, in addition to being stressed and afraid, too. In fact, sometimes, brothers will start to beat on sisters; we see that, too….” E. Caller is with a batterer who only abuses when using alcohol or drugs 1. A connection between alcohol/drugs and violence exists, but the details and information are unclear. Some batter only when on drugs/alcohol, and others batter when sober and become more abusive when drugs are used. We do know that if a person has a tendency to use violence, that alcohol and drugs exacerbate the situation. Peterson Professional Alliance © 2. Many battered women place blame on drugs/alcohol for the violence their partners enact against them and think that if the partners could overcome their use of drugs and alcohol, the problem would be solved. Counselors can gently explain that a person actually has two problems. First, they may abuse alcohol and/or drugs and secondly, they see violence as an acceptable means of dealing with others. If the substance abuse problem were taken care of, the tendency to use violence in the relationship would still remain. In general, counselors can offer to send information to the caller. It may not be safe to send information directly to the survivor, in which case it can be sent to the survivor’s workplace, to a neighbor, friend, family member, co-worker or post office box. It can be incredibly difficult to tell a battered woman about the realities of violent relationships. The information can be presented with gentleness and compassion, using diplomatic phrasing and a soothing voice. It is important that the survivor have all the facts so that she can make an informed decision about her next step. At times it may seem as if the information did not penetrate, possibly because she is not yet ready to accept it. But it plants a seed. For example, if you described the cycle of violence to her and she did not seem interested, six months later she may find that the cycle has repeated itself three or four times in her relationship, and may remember that information. She will then know that it is a recognized cycle, that other women have experienced it, and possibly gotten help, and she may not feel as alone. 39 Peterson Professional Alliance © 40 COUNSELING SKILLS LISTENING Listening is an active process. It requires paying attention to the total message – including the gestures, feelings, and thoughts of the other person and viewing the situation from the other person’s perspective. Listening also means using all of your perceptual capacities to understand what is being said verbally and non-verbally, including the following: ATTENDING TO: Eye Contact: Posture: Voice: Where or at whom does she look? Does she look tense, relaxed, nervous or controlled? Is she speaking softly, slowly, haltingly, or rapidly, without pausing? Does she stay on the topic or ramble? Can she talk about the details? What parts does she have trouble relating? Gestures: Are her hands waving wildly, or is she moving slowly, cautiously? Mood/Demeanor: Is she nervous, quiet, controlled, calm or fearful? The counselor should make direct eye contact, incline toward the client, communicate interest, and face forward with an open posture. SILENCES Allowing for silence, although sometimes uncomfortable, can be useful when counseling. The survivor may be collecting her thoughts or pondering her feelings or experiences. She will often let you know in some way whether or not she wants the silences. Be aware of her eye contact, facial expressions, posture, etc. as cues to her needs. Peterson Professional Alliance © UNDERSTANDING It is important not only for the counselor to understand what the client is saying, but also for the client to feel that the counselor understands her, is concerned for her welfare and wants to assist her. Paraphrasing, clarifying and reflecting are methods of ensuring that you understand the client and that you also communicate that understanding. PARAPHRASING When paraphrasing, the counselor repeats, using similar words to those of the client, what has just been said. It is often a way of responding to the client, letting her know you are listening, while at the same time not leading her in any particular direction. EXAMPLE Client: I’m feeling really lonely now. Nobody seems to care that I’m still having problems with my husband. 41 Counselor: CLARIFYING You’re feeling alone and it seems to you that nobody cares about you. Several means of clarifying are available. Such as: Making a guess regarding the basic message of the survivor and asking if this is the case. Asking for clarification when confused about what the person is saying. Making concrete what seems vague. Peterson Professional Alliance © EXAMPLE Counselor: I understand you to say ________. It that correct? I’m unsure of what you mean when you say ________. Could you explain that? CONCRETENESS In order to clarify what the client is saying, it is crucial that she specifically define her feelings, and that her thoughts are concrete and well defined. Asking open-ended questions helps the client to be more specific. Some examples of open-ended questions are the following: How often? For how long? Where, in what situation? How do other people react? When? What happens when __________? REFLECTING Reflecting is used to try to understand the survivor’s feelings in the context of her experience. The counselor tries to go beyond the actual words of the other person in order to help her to verbalize her feelings. This process is difficult and must be done tentatively so that the client is free to disagree with the counselor’s input. Reflection should not be utilized to guess at what the survivor is feeling, but rather to draw from her tone, expression, gestures, etc. a clearer understanding of her feelings – beyond the content of her words. In order to place limits and a structure on the supportive counseling offered, reflection should be seen in the context of the survivor’s assault. Peterson Professional Alliance © More Specifically, Reflecting of Feelings Means: 42  Focusing on feelings  Making vague feelings clear  Assisting the client in owning her feelings Example Counselor: You feel ______________. Can you tell me more about feeling ____________. In addition, the counselor responds to the survivor’s gestures, and not just her verbal behavior, e.g., sights, rapidity of speech, posture, etc. State the observed behavior and then reflect the client’s feelings. Example Counselor: LEADING Leading encourages open communication. The counselor responds to the survivor with an appropriate, encouraging remark. The counselor may: Help the survivor explore her feelings and elaborate upon them. Allow the survivor the freedom to respond in a variety of directions. Encourage her to take an active role and retain primary responsibility in the counseling. There are several types of leading, focusing and questioning being more directive or indirect leading. Indirect Leading – Indirect leading is used to get the survivor started. You are smiling, but I sense you are feeling __________. Peterson Professional Alliance © Example Counselor: Tell me more. How did you feel? Umm-hmm… And, so then… Could you give me an example? Direct Leading – Direct leading focuses on a topic more specifically. Example Counselor: FOCUSING Tell me about ______. How did you feel when ______? 43 The counselor deliberately focuses on a particular aspect thought to be important. This approach is useful when the client is rambling, since it may help reduce her confusion (and yours). Focusing may be done using your own feelings of confusion to focus on the important areas for discussion. Example Counselor: I’m confused about ______. Could you be more specific? QUESTIONING Always try to use open-ended questions. encourage the client to talk. Open-ended questions elicit more information and Peterson Professional Alliance © Example Counselor: How do you feel about ______? What’s been happening since we last spoke? How are things going for you? Two types of questions to stay away from: “why” questions (why did you go out to eat with him?) and either/or questions (do you want to stay at your own home or at your family’s?). “Why” questions imply a cause and effect that the client may not be able to answer. In addition, “why” questions may also imply guilt on the part of the client. “Either/or” questions generally give the client a limited number of choices with which to answer. If none of the choices are correct, the client may not know how to answer. SUMMARIZING When summarizing, the counselor tries to tie together several ideas and/or feelings at the end of a discussion. Example Counselor: You’ve been talking about how your parents and friends are feeling. They’re really not talking a whole lot, although you think they’re supportive. You seem to feel they just don’t know what to say to you. Does all that fit? PROBLEM SOLVING Problem solving helps the client identify alternative ways of coping with various difficulties. Problem solving is another part of the helping relationship, although not a distinct, separate part. Peterson Professional Alliance © 44 Problem solving is used when:  The client is already in touch with her feelings. That is, both the client and the counselor have a clear understanding of how she is feeling.  The emphasis is on action, rather than ventilation of feelings.  Ventilating does not seem to be working. Peterson Professional Alliance © BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION Certain responses and questions block communication and have an alienating affect on the person in crisis. The following communication styles indicate disrespect for the other person, creating a superior-to-inferior relationship. The person who moralizes, judges, or analyzes is saying, “I know better than you do how and what you ought to feel, think, and believe.” The person on the receiving end becomes defensive and/or loses confidence in her ability to solve and identify her own problems. This has the effect of stifling growth and increasing the victim’s dependency. Advising or judging increases the woman’s sense of worthlessness and helplessness, rather than ameliorating these feelings. Examples of Barriers to Communication Put Down Messages 45 Responses to the client that imply she is inferior, inadequate, subordinate, or unworthy. The person on the receiving end of such messages usually feels defensive, resentful, threatened, or embarrassed. To protect her self-image, put-down messages influence the client to keep her emotions to herself. Arguing Expressing your disagreement or arguing with the other person’s view. attitudes: “That’s not the way I heard it.” “That’s not what you said a minute ago.” Feelings, and Peterson Professional Alliance © Judging, Blaming Making a negative judgment or evaluation of the other person. “You’re not thinking very clearly.” “It sounds like you were overreacting.” Avoidance Messages These messages are labeled avoidance because they reflect an attempt on the part of the listener to avoid feelings that cause discomfort. The listener attempts to influence the client to stop conveying negative feelings and emotions. The person on the receiving end usually feels the other person is not interested in her, does not respect her feelings, or is trying to change her. Praising, Agreeing Offering a positive evaluation or judgment of the caller. Even though this category involves positive statements, the person making them is still in the position of superior judge. Often praise attempts to mitigate negative emotions, which conflict with the client’s statements about herself. Thus, she may feel that the counselor does not understand or accept her. “Well, I don’t think you’re in such a difficult situation.” The message defined above refers to judgmental praising and dishonest reassuring. Praise and reassurance are not barrier to communication when they take the form of feedback, and follow a full discussion of the crisis. 46 Peterson Professional Alliance © Withdrawing, Distracting, Diverting, Joking Trying to divert the client away from her problem; distracting her from her emotions: “Oh, come on now, it can’t be all that bad.” “Why don’t you try burning the welfare department down?” Solution Messages Such messages communicate a lack of confidence in the other person’s ability to solve her own problem. The person on the receiving end may feel resentful; she may transfer her dependence onto the helper; she may feel misunderstood. Advising, Giving Solutions Telling the person how to solve the problem; volunteering advice on what to do: “Your life will be much easier if you would leave your husband.” “It sounds like you need counseling.” Moralizing, Preaching Any statement beginning with “should” or “ought”; attempting to influence the other by imposing your system of values on her; implying that there is a right and wrong way of doing things: “It is your responsibility to…” “You shouldn’t feel that way.” Peterson Professional Alliance © Commanding, Directing Telling the caller what to do and what to feel. “Stop worrying.” “Control yourself.” EXCEPTION: It is important to ask clear, direct questions, if a woman is in an immediately dangerous situation (e.g., recently battered, afraid the abuser will return any minute, or if she is hysterical or suicidal). Identity Denial 47 This is a pervasive, but often subtle attempt on the part of the counselor to define the client according to the counselor’s perception of whom the other person is or should be. Imposing one’s analysis on the battered woman. The crisis worker insists her analysis of the client’s feelings and thoughts are more valid than what the person in crisis says she is thinking and feeling. “You are not feeling angry, you’re just tired.” “You don’t want to hurt yourself, you are just confused right now.” Mystification One form of mystification is constant feedback editing; modifying the sender’s message when repeating it back so that the original impact is lost. If the person in crisis corrects the listener, mystification cannot occur. However, when the person in crisis does not correct the faulty, distorted feedback, and her responses to the counselor’s feedback suggest she is accepting the distorted interpretation as accurate, then she has been successfully mystified. As a result the person in crisis will feel quite confused, unsure of herself, and off balance. Peterson Professional Alliance © Stages of Problem Solving Clarify and Summarize The Problem Using helping skills, a mutual understanding of the problem is reached. At this time, a structure is discussed (the kind of help sought, who “owns” the assault, etc.). If there are a number of problems, emphasize how overwhelmed the client must feel, but tell her that you need to work on one problem at a time. Have her choose one problem that is important to her to solve, and work on one problem at a time. Always ask the client what solutions she has already tried. Identify Alternatives Decide if the client is ready for problem solving. If she is not, go back to an “understanding” stage. If she is ready, find out what alternatives have already been considered. Encourage brainstorming and open-minded suggestions. Don’t make any judgments as to the feasibility of suggested solutions. Part of the role of the counselor is to help the client identify possible alternatives. A balance must be reached between helping the client identify alternatives and imposing the counselors’ own solutions; in some cases the client may want to take on the counselor’s alternatives as the best solution. Exploring Pros and Cons Explore each alternative separately. Discuss the practical aspects of each, feelings about each and the pros and cons. Also, discuss the reactions of significant others to each alternative. PROBLEM SOLVING IS NOT USED WHEN: ♦ Information and/or a referral is requested by the client ♦ The client needs to ventilate her feelings but is not ready to develop an action program ♦ The client is a chronic caller, i.e., she calls repeatedly with the same difficulties and does not seem to be making any progress 48 Peterson Professional Alliance © It is important to set up a structure for the counseling relationship. This includes discussing expectations both on the part of the counselor and the client. Both the counselor and the client need to be clear about what can and cannot be accomplished, and what the potential and limitations of the helping relationship are. Problem solving must be based on the needs of the client and not those of the counselor. The client must want to work out the presenting problem. Adapted from an article written by the Parental Hotline, Palo Alto Branch. Excerpted from the SCCBW Training Manual. Peterson Professional Alliance © CRISIS INTERVENTION 49 SAFETY FIRST! Stages of Crisis, Intervention Methods and Response A client may experience more than one particular crisis within the scope of the entire experience. Each crisis has three stages to it: 1. 2. 3. INITIAL STAGE – Awareness TRANSITION STAGE – Exploration FINAL STAGE – Resolution The following is a brief outline of these stages and the role of the crisis intervener in each stage of the crisis. 1. INITIAL STAGE – Awareness. The client perceives that a crisis exists by an awareness of the situation and her feelings; possibly followed by an emotional overload, and uncontrolled emotional response. The crisis interevener intervenes by: allowing the person to freely express her emotions helping the person clarify her situation, feelings, problem and stresses The crisis intervener responds by: accepting the person’s feelings and not judging actively listening in the form of clarifying, paraphrasing, focusing and summarizing assessing their own role – being realistic about how they can help Peterson Professional Alliance © 2. TRANSITION STAGE – Exploration. The client moves through the crisis and a stage of disorganization exists. She discharges tension and feelings, seeks support, explores possible solutions. The crisis intervener intervenes by: allowing disorganization, which may lead to creative reorganization instead of patch-up solutions. It is important not to jump to solutions before the person is ready. accepting the person’s feelings keeping the control and the direction of conversation with the person, not by taking over for them. helping the person explore her own solutions. - The crisis intervener responds by: continuing to actively listen flowing with the person’s agenda assisting in brainstorming possible solutions helping explore and mobilize resources 50 3. FINAL STAGE – Resolution. The client makes some decision, even a small one. They form a plan, take some action, and connect with resources. The crisis intervener intervenes by: supporting the person, not the plan helping to build a network of support exploring action plans Peterson Professional Alliance © The crisis intervener responds by: continuing to actively listen voicing support for the person not the plan summarizing – bringing the content of the call together role-playing some possible solutions EMERGENCY/IMMEDIACY CRISIS CALLS The type of call that most advocates are anxious about receiving is the emergency or immediacy call. However, it is important that you are able to respond appropriately to this type of call if you receive one. Type of Immediacy Calls We Receive • • • • The assault just happened (within in the last hour). Parent just learned that her child was sexually assaulted. Spousal/partner abuser just left. Extreme fear of an assault – hearing sounds outside house; fear he’s coming back. Reactions/Responses of Caller • • • Acute crisis reactions Very emotional Rapid or continuous speech AS AN ADVOCATE, YOU SHOULD ASK THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS TO HELP DIFFUSE THE IMMEDIATE CRISIS, CALM THE CALLER AND HELP HER TO BEGIN REGAINING CONTROL OF THE IMMEDIATE SITUATION: 1. 2. 3. ARE YOU SAFE? CAN YOU TALK FREELY? DO YOU NEED IMMEDIATE MEDICAL ATTENTION? 51 Peterson Professional Alliance © Determine the caller’s most immediate need. You may ask what that may be. If the caller is not feeling safe, explore with them what they can do to feel safe right now. Can they: lock the doors and windows where they are now? go to a safe place (public place, 24-hour restaurant, friend’s house, lighted area)? call 911? turn on some lights? call a friend to be with them? IF THE CALLER FEELS SHE CANNOT TALK FREELY because someone may overhear the conversation, ask the caller if they can? give them your phone number and address in case you get disconnected from them. Always repeat the phone number back to the caller and confirm the number. Ask the caller to repeat it. People in crisis often confuse numbers. get to a safe place where they can talk freely give you permission to call 911 if you feel she is in immediate danger. - As an advocate, you must assess the situation, tell the caller what you are thinking and what you think must happen for the immediate safety and well being of the caller, and then act quickly and responsibly. Do not let your caller’s feeling of panic cause you to panic. After asking the three basic questions, if the caller responds with answers that indicate that the emergency is not immediate (must be acted on instantly), they will often calm down. Asking the questions will help them realize that they can take their time, explore options and talk about feelings. Answering “no” to the questions may help them realize that “oh, I’m okay. I’m not in that great a crisis. I’m alive.” Peterson Professional Alliance © It is extremely rare that instant decisions must be made. Unless it is literally a life or death situation, a few minutes can easily be taken to allow the caller to express feelings and concerns, assess the situation, offer support and information, explore options and resources, form a plan, and take action by making an informed, rational decision. HOTLINE BASICS Let the caller know that you are ready to be helpful by: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Using your first name to give the caller a sense that there is a real person behind the voice. Speaking with warmth, interest and calm. Check out important data (i.e., is she safe, etc.). No counseling can, or should be done until basic needs are attended to. Actively listening. Letting the person know how she sounds. Helping to identify and clarify the actual feelings. 52 Validating feelings. “I bet that was really confusing.” “That’s a very normal reaction.” Letting the caller ventilate. Calming the caller so that she regains some measure of control. If she needs to cry before being coherent, let her know that you have time to wait and that you will be there while she is unloading some of her distress. Exploring the problem or the event that caused the call. Giving appropriate information so the caller can make an informed decision. Giving appropriate referrals as needed. 6. 7. 8. 9. Peterson Professional Alliance © EFFECTS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ON CHILDREN Peterson Professional Alliance © 53 FACT SHEET ON CHILDREN OF VIOLENT HOMES Children are often the unintended victims of battering. Children in violent homes face dual threats: the threat of witnessing traumatic events, and the threat of physical assault. The risk of child abuse is significantly higher when there is domestic violence. It is estimated that a minimum of 3.3 million children witness domestic violence each year. that Children are very aware of the violence directed at their mother - even at a young age. Once children are in a safe environment, they can recount domestic violence incidents mothers thought their children were unaware of. Children may "indirectly" receive injuries during a battering incident. Example: household items thrown, broken glass, weapons, reckless driving, etc. 63% of young men between the ages of 11 and 22, who are serving time for homicide, have killed their mother's abuser. A study of more than 900 children at battered women's shelters, found that nearly 70% of the children were themselves victims of physical abuse or neglect. Nearly half of all children have been physically or sexually abused - only 20% had been identified and served by Children's Services before coming to a shelter. 80% of all custody cases regarding domestic violence ends with custody going to the abuser. Peterson Professional Alliance © 54 CHARACTERISTICS OF CHILDREN IN CRISIS Minimization or denial of their own needs: needs met through manipulation Poor or no self-esteem Sense of complete powerlessness - low expectations of themselves and a very low frustration level; tendency to be critical of themselves and other people Difficulties expressing themselves Short attention span Not enough or too much impulse control Poor social skills or sometimes deceptive ("anti-social") qualities, including stealing, or cheating Poor definition of personal boundaries Heightened suicide/homicide risk Mixture of hope and despair Generalized and intense anxiety Tendency to use negative behaviors to get attention - lying, Peterson Professional Alliance © CHILDREN WHO LIVE IN A VIOLENT ENVIRONMENT: 1. 2. Learn to accept violence as a means of conflict resolution and often fail to develop inner control; Learn to maintain control of others by using threats of violence; 55 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. Learn that loved ones have the right to hurt one another; Often feel guilty for the violence between their parents or for the violence toward themselves; Feel angry toward one or both parents; Experience anxiety and fear frequently; Often "protect" the abuser in the face of outside intervention; Have sleep disturbances such as bed wetting problems, nightmares, and insomnia; Have difficulties in school such as staying awake, concentrating on work, playing with peers, class disruption, etc.; Have continually poor appetites; Often confuse love and violence as one in the same; Learn unhealthy sex-role stereotypes from parents; Grow up to be abusers of their own mates or children. Peterson Professional Alliance © PROBLEM BEHAVIORS OF CHILDREN FROM VIOLENT HOMES ANY AGE: Physical complaints: headaches, stomach aches, sleep problems, eating problems, constant sadness or nervousness, withdrawal and isolation, easily startled, and cringes at anger. Violent outbursts - acting-out is common. INFANTS: Sleep disturbances (children need to be awakened to eat or not sleeping restful most of the time), feeding disturbances (always wanting to eat or hardly ever wanting to eat), continual fussing and crying (beyond colic), inability to be comforted, and easily startled. TODDLERS & PRE-SCHOOLERS: Chronic stomach aches and headaches, nausea, asthma, night terrors, difficulty going to bed, inability to be comforted, general sadness, not knowing how to play, meanness, separation anxiety - which can be extreme after trauma. ELEMENTARY AGE: School problems such as difficulty concentrating, school phobia 56 (unexplained fears - example: bathroom problems, inability to share, frequent injuries and reckless behavior), constant talking about fears, difficulty leaving a parent or having a parent leave, nervous, watchful, intrusive memories of trauma, nightmares, regression - example: thumb sucking, bed wetting, clinginess/dependent on adults, aggressive or intimidating behaviors, cruelty to animals or smaller children or psychosomatic disorders such as stuttering. JUNIOR HIGH & HIGH SCHOOL: Destruction of property, truancy, aggressive or violent behavior, running away, substance abuse, suicide talk, threats, nightmares, stashing a weapon, depression - little involvement with friends and outside activities. Repeating the cycle of violence when dating begins. Boys are at high risk for this if there is no intervention. Seventy-five percent of boys who witness parental abuse have demonstrable behavioral problems. Violent parental conflict has been found in 20-40% of the families of chronically violent adolescents. Often children blame themselves for not preventing the violence or for causing it. Batterers blame others for the violence - often use or manipulate the children. Children are caught up in the cycle of violence that occurs. Peterson Professional Alliance © 57 THE LINK BETWEEN DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND CHILD ABUSE: ASSESSMENT AND TREATMENT CONDITIONS* By Mary McKernan McKay, LCSW, Clinical Associate, University of Illinois, Institute for Juvenile Research, and Doctoral Candidate, University of Illinois, Jane Addams College of Social Work, Chicago, IL This article discusses the existence of both spouse abuse and child abuse within families. Recent research suggests that practitioners have often missed the coexistence of these problems within their caseloads. Practice implications for both domestic violence service providers and child welfare professionals are outlined. Recommendations for changes in assessment procedures, treatment planning, and implementation are made. Spouse abuse and child abuse has traditionally been examined as separate issues. Distinct service delivery systems and social policies have developed to address these problems. A growing body of research, however, suggests that spouse abuse and child abuse are clearly linked within families, with each being a fairly strong predictor of the other (Start and Flitcraft 1988; Bowker et al. 1988; Stacey and Shope 1983). Research on domestic violence reveals a range from 45% to 70% of battered women in shelters reporting the presence of some form of child abuse. Even if the more conservative estimate is accepted, these figures still indicate that child abuse is 15 times more likely to occur in families where domestic violence is present (Stacey and Shupe 1983). Researchers examining child abuse cases have found comparable results. Stark and Flitcraft (1988) found that almost two-thirds of abused children were being parented by battered women. What has proven more difficult to determine is the mechanisms through which spouse abuse leads to child abuse. “In some child-assault cases, children are not the primary targets. Fathers’ violence against children occur either form thwarted intervention attempts or from blows directed at the wife that accidentally strike nearby children.” (Dobash 1977, as cited in Stith et al. 1990). This is contrary to the more popular assumption that women, frustrated by their being abused, unleash their fury upon their children in the form of abuse. The available literature seems to suggest that children are three times more likely to be physically abused by their fathers (Bowker et al. 1988; Stacey and Shupe 1983; Stark and Flitcraft 1988). Peterson Professional Alliance © In fact, “The severity of the wife beating is predictive of the severity of the child abuse.” (Bowker et al. 1989) Stacey and Shupe (1983) also found that the way the children were abused had a strong resemblance to the kind of maltreatment of their mothers. Advocates for battered women have highlighted the evidence that father are more likely to be the abuser of the children because of the danger that a woman is placed in when she tries to protect her children. Despite their own experience with this, many battered women disregard the risk to themselves and try to deflect their partner’s rage from the children onto themselves. What becomes more difficult for some helping professionals to accept is the battered women who becomes physically or emotionally abusive or neglectful of her children. “Surely she should recognize that people deserve better treatment than what she receives” is often said. Those who work with battered women offer several explanations. Battered women often give their abusers full-time attention in a futile effort to control the level of violence, or they respond by withdrawing from the family – including the children – in an effort to protect themselves. In either scenario, the care of the children is seriously affected (Stacey and Shupe 1983). It is also important to recognize that battered women are not a homogeneous group. They range from women of great strength and coping capacity to women who experience a wide spectrum of mental health difficulties. Given the stress associated with a violent household, therefore, abusive behaviors by mothers are likely to emerge from those at risk for such reactions. In the context of domestic violence, the battered women may view themselves as being more in control of their anger and the level of punishment of the children than 58 their partner is. In reality, their frustration with their situation combines with the stresses of parenthood to se the stage for the physical abuse of children. Finally, some battered women are so fearful of their partner’s response to the children that they over-discipline them in an effort to control their behavior and protect them from what they perceive as even greater abuse. Although the last decade has seen a greater acceptance of (Lenore) Walker’s (1979) concept of the battered woman’s syndrome, and greater recognition of the obstacles preventing a battered woman from protecting herself, child maltreatment continues to create dilemmas for helping professionals. The essence of the difficulty lies in the empathic response to powerless children who become victims at the hands of those who are supposed to protect and nurture them. Peterson Professional Alliance © Many helping professionals have drawn a line in the sand by saying, “What doesn’t she leave or at least get help once she sees the children hurt?” The question implies that the mistreatment of the children should be sufficient motivation to overcome obstacles that we know often prove insurmountable to battered women. Practice experience indicates that the abuse of the children is frequently what precipitates a request for shelter or an order of protection. The abuse of children, however, does not assume an adequate number of shelter beds. In fact, if the woman has too many children or boys over the age of 12, it may mean that she will not be accepted into any shelter. For many battered women, concern for their children figures heavily into their decision to remain with an abusive partner. Without the ability to support themselves and their children financially, fear that they will become homeless or be without food is quite realistic. Battered women express concern about disrupting their children’s schooling and friendships, as all mothers do when they consider separation. They are also confused when their children sometimes show an intense loyalty to the father. This loyalty is at odds with the mother’s own experience of the extent and severity of the violence directed at time only toward herself, but at times towards the children. Some helping professionals have trouble seeing how the mother, who as an adult has the power of making choices, could choose to enter and then remain in an abusive relationship. Generally, violence is not present within a relationship all of the time. It seems to escalate in frequency and intensity over time, often over a period of years. Therefore, a woman “finds” herself in a harmful position, rather than “chooses” it. By the time an awareness of the true nature of the situation is accepted by a woman, the obstacles discussed above interfere with her ability to protect herself and her children. The question, “Why does a woman remain despite the abuse of her children?” should properly be, “Why is violence of women and children tolerated or why would a father/husband physically, emotionally, or sexually abuse his children and his wife? Peterson Professional Alliance © 59 IMPLICATIONS OF THE LINK BETWEEN SPOUSE ABUSE AND CHILD ABUSE Both domestic violence agencies and child welfare systems must recognize the link between spouse and child abuse. Close cooperation, and in some cases, merger of the two fields, are needed. The practice implications begin with the intake process of battered women and/or abused children, and continue through assessment, treatment planning, intervention strategies, and the evaluation of client progress. PROVIDING SERVICES FOR VICTIMS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE Not surprisingly, Stacey and Shupe (1983: 67) found that mothers were not always willing to admit the abuse of their children during the initial interview at a battered woman’s shelter. There are many reasons that women might want to hide the fact that their children are abused. Some women fear that if the abuse is discovered, their children will be automatically taken away by the authorities regardless of who really did the abusing. Other women may themselves be the child abusers and fear reprisals. Some women may be uncertain about returning home to their husbands. Their reluctance to report child abuse becomes a way of protecting the male abuser; otherwise, they face the prospect of turning the man in and burning the bridges back to their marriages forever. Still other women are ashamed. Acknowledging the child abuse reveals their failure to care for their children, so they say nothing. The concern regarding removal of the children appears to be empirically supported by Stark and Filtcraft (1988), who found that the children of battered women were more likely to be placed in outof-home care when compared with those of non-battered women. For practitioners to work effectively with a battered woman, her fears and confusion must be recognized and validated. Her shame about not being able to protect herself or her children must be met with support by the worker. Domestic violence services were developed to meet the needs of women, not children. During the last 1960’s, with the emergence of the shelter movement, few programs were directed specifically toward children. It was almost a decade later that child advocacy skills and programs were developed out of concern on the part Peterson Professional Alliance © of staff members that “children’s pain, fear and special needs went largely unaddressed."” (Turnquist and Menard, 1991: III-I) The incorporation of children under the umbrella of victim, however, and the acknowledgment that concern for safety of the children did not always coincide with concern about the mother’s safety, presented unique challenges to a movement based upon the right of selfdetermination of women. To complicate matters further, when agencies assisting victims of domestic violence interfaced with the child welfare system – whose client was the child, not the mother, and which involved the mother in services involuntarily – philosophies and values clashed. Involving child protective services often entailed insistences that the mother make choices in her life, from her living arrangement, to her discipline methods, to her choice about seeking treatment, to the contact she has with the children’s father. (Turnquist and Menard 1991) Mistrust and confusion developed between domestic violence agencies and child protective services. On the one hand, advocates for women who had been battered viewed child welfare workers as lacking understanding of a woman’s response to domestic violence and as too quick to remove children. Domestic violence programs, on the other hand, were frequently accused of blocking 60 investigations of child abuse and neglect and as a result, “further endangering children.” (Turnquist and Menard 1991) This historical backdrop can become an obstacle to a woman seeking child welfare services and to children who need protection. During the assessment and planning phases, therefore, domestic violence service providers must (1) help women to recognize how their children might have been affected by the violence within the home; (2) make explicit the link between domestic violence and spouse abuse; (3) help the woman to place responsibility for the violence with the abuser, or accept the necessity of altering her own parenting if she was abusive with the children. (Editor’s Note: Child protective services and District Attorney’s office must hold the batterer accountable for his actions, not the victims.) Intervention with battered women takes the form of empowering them to seek new ways to protect themselves and their children. Peterson Professional Alliance © The worker who assists victims of domestic violence often helps a mother interact with the child welfare system. This can include helping the mother make a child abuse report, orienting child welfare workers to domestic violence, and supporting a woman as she asks questions of her child welfare worker and requests services for herself and her children. In addition, domestic violence workers must be prepared to recognize and validate a woman’s experience of a loss of power when working with child protective services. Goals for the intervention phase should focus clearly on having a woman regain control of her life in a way that protects her children and does not require continued child protective intervention. Finally, domestic violence agencies must forge a close working relationship with child protective services to ensure that battered women and their children have access to a means of protecting themselves (legal remedies, shelter services, counseling, etc.), rather than more severe and possibly unnecessary action being taken, such as the removal of the children. (Turnquist and Menard 1991) CHILD WELFARE SERVICE PROVIDERS During child abuse investigations, it becomes equally crucial that child protection workers be aware of the link between child abuse and domestic violence. The prevailing method of interviewing both parents together to assess the risk to the child appears to be a detriment to determining if domestic violence is present. Little (1990) indicates that “even with the specific questions routinely targeted to reveal abuse at intake, the revelation is usually: (a) made in the absence of the mate spouse, or (b) made in a phone call when the female partner wishes to convey a ‘secret’ to the therapist that she thinks relevant but doesn’t want talked about.” (Stith et al. 1990: 48) Unless the child protective worker understands that a battered woman is often more afraid of her abusive partner than of any other consequences, including the ramification of taking responsibility for abusing the children out of fear rather than reality, accurate information regarding level of risk in a family cannot be obtained. (DePanfilis and Brooks 1989) Peterson Professional Alliance © 61 Given the seemingly strong link between spouse and child abuse, interviewing each parent separately seems always indicated. Until protocols at child welfare Agencies are changed, the following indicators of the mother having been a victim of domestic violence can help child protective workers assess whether separate interview are needed: ♦ The mother offers inconsistent explanations for observed bruises, fractures, or multiple injuries in various stages of healing. ♦ “Accidents” have occurred during pregnancy. ♦ The mother has delayed substantially in seeking needed medical treatment of herself. ♦ The mother has a history of repeated accidents and emergency room visits, often at different hospitals. ♦ The mother is observed to be feeling sad, lethargic, or depressed and/or she admits having thoughts of suicide. ♦ The mother reports psychosomatic and emotional complaints, e.g., chest pain, choking sensation, hyperventilation, or sleep or eating disorders. ♦ The mother is embarrassed and/or evasive when questioned about injury or abuse. ♦ The mother exhibits anxiety and fear in the presence of her partner. ♦ The mother offers apologies or explanations for her partner’s behavior. (Adapted from Curriculum Guide to Domestic Violence: Its Relationship to Child Abuse and Maltreatment, in DePanfilis and Brooks 1989) Peterson Professional Alliance © In addition to observing the standard indicators of abuse or trauma in children, child protective workers should also consider the following as indicators that children have witnessed domestic violence: • • The child is overprotective and/or afraid to leave his or her mother alone. The child is abusive toward the mother. (DePanfilis and Brooks 1989) When screening for men who batterer their spouses, child protective workers should consider separate interviews with the parents if the following behavioral indicators are present:    The father constantly speaks for the mother during an interview and strongly resists having her interviewed separately. The mother is described by her partner as “clumsy,” “incompetent,” “crazy,” “stupid,” or other such derogatory terms. The father is overly solicitous and condescending to the mother. 62  The father admits to the existence of violence but minimizes its frequency and severity. When confronted with his abusive behavior, he blames his partner for provoking it and refuses to accept responsibility. The father holds rigidly to traditional sex roles, expecting or demanding that the mother serve him. (Holder and Corey 1986 in DePanfilis and Brooks 1989)  In assessing whether the children should be removed from the home, the dynamics of domestic violence must be considered. The removal of the children only confirms that the mother is responsible for both her maltreatment and that of her children, and resembles the view that the presence of child abuse signifies a failure in mothering or her failure to protect her children. “While child protective service is grounded on the premise of family maintenance, it may be necessary to reassess what constitutes a safe family if the presence of the batterer in the home poses a Peterson Professional Alliance © continual threat to the children and mother. This means that, in many cases, removing the batterer from the home, not the children, may be the more appropriate intervention.” (DePanfilis and Brooks 1989) (Editor’s Note: However, having the victim and children remain in the home, means that the batterer can immediately locate them, creating a potentially dangerous situation.) Bograd (1990) emphasizes that it is impossible to assess a mother’s true capacity to care for her children while she is being battered or experiencing post-traumatic stress from the abuse. Unless the children are in imminent danger from the mother, offering a mother and her children shelter services first and prolonging the assessment process would allow the worker to get a clearer understanding of a mother’s capacities. In addition, the removal of the children instead of the batterer might actually endanger a woman’s life. “When abused or neglected children are removed from their home, the isolation of the battered woman, and hence her vulnerability, increased.” (Stark and Flitcraft 1988) In planning intervention, child protective workers have traditionally viewed battering not as the primary target problem within the family, but as a symptom of an underlying problem. “The result of this misnaming of the problem is that the batterer is given the message that his nonviolence is negotiable – depending on his ability or motivation to feel better about himself, develop insight, or improve his (or his wife’s) communication skills. The tacit message is that he will likely continue to grab, shake, slap, punch, and kick his wife until he – or she – makes changes in these other areas.” (DePanfilis and Brooks 1989) It becomes the responsibility of child welfare workers to know community resources and legal remedies for the battered woman in order to ensure that she and her children remain safe. Most importantly, child protective workers must make sure that responsibility for the violence is placed with the batterer. Sanctions, such as mandated court appearances, counseling, and restricted visiting, must be imposed. Bograd (1990) emphasizes that without such restraints, the mother all too often is labeled a poor parent and becomes the sole focus of intervention. Mandating her attendance at parenting skills groups or counseling reinforces the notion that she is to blame for the violence in the family and that her partner bears no responsibility. Peterson Professional Alliance © Those who work with victims of domestic violence are seriously concerned about the frequently made recommendation that the couple obtain marital therapy or family therapy when child abuse is found. With her partner present, the battered woman might fear being honest about her experiences. 63 “On the one hand, if she minimizes her experience, the therapist may not be able to assess accurately the lethality of the situation. On the other hand, if she does not minimize the abuse, her responses to the therapist may put her at increased risk of further abuse after the session.” (Stith et al. 1990) Several researchers (Bograd 1984; Goldner 1985; Erickson 1988) have challenged the use of systemic family therapy in cases of domestic violence. They criticize this treatment approach as failing to incorporate or giving too little weight to gender and power differences and historical/societal factors that influence family functioning and perpetuate violence against women (Bennett and Tolman 1992). Including both abuser and victim in conjoint therapy can give the implicit message that both partners are equally responsible for the violence, “After all, if she didn’t have anything to do with it, why is she here?” (Willbach 1989) Walters et al. (1988) offer the following revealing example: “A two-month old baby can be said to ‘play a part’ in being abused by crying, for instance, since it can be argued that child abuse would not occur if the child were not there, or did not cry. But it is clear that the parts played by the child and the abusing parent are not equal in force. The child is not responsible for the abuse, does not have equal power or responsibility, or equal options, or equal ability to change the cycle. Neither does the battered wife, the incest victim, the dawdling child, or anyone who is overpowered by someone of greater size, strength, age, or position of influence.” A growing number of feminist family therapists have begun to develop new ways to incorporate some portions of systems theory into more applicable assessment and conjoint treatment models that take into account safety, gender, and power when child abuse and domestic violence are present in the same family. (Bennett and Tolman 1992; Walters et al. 1988; Mcgoldrick 1989; Goodrich et al. 1988) Given the importance, however, of sending a clear message that the violence in a family must end, referrals for individual or unisex group counseling appear to be a safer option for a battered woman and her partner until further research can ensure that conjoint work will not increase the risk. Peterson Professional Alliance © CONCLUSION The American family has been described as the most violent of institutions (Hutchings 1988). Domestic violence has been described as occurring in up to 16% of all marriages every year and in 50% to 60% of all marriages over their course (Stith et al. 1990). It has been estimated that 1.6 million wives are severely assaulted each year. The statistics on the incidence of child abuse are equally alarming. It is estimated that in 1988, 16.3 children per 1,000 were physically abused or neglected (Gelles et al. 1990). Given, however, that the fields of domestic violence and child welfare have developed as separate entities, it is only recently that the link between the two has been discovered. Until recently, therefore, neither field has recognized that substantial portions of the caseloads/families present both domestic violence and child abuse. The responsibility is on both agencies assisting victims of domestic violence and those providing child welfare services to develop more effective screening mechanisms for each of these problems. Intervention strategies must take into account the safety of both women and children. Treatment plans should also focus more on protection, advocacy, and provision of services, such as shelter/legal remedies that will make it more likely that children and their mothers will be free from violence. Future research should explicate the links between domestic violence and child abuse. Questions for research include: (1) What conditions create both problems within the same family, (2) What measures can be developed for screening both domestic violence and child abuse, (3) What factors have to be considered when assessing whether a mother has the capacity to care for her children outside a violent relationship when a child abuse investigation is taking place while she is still being battered, (4) How can domestic violence service providers become more sensitive to the needs of children and develop service plans that take into account the battering that exists within many of their 64 cases? Both professional fields have been mandated to eliminate violence within families. The responsibility for doing so lies in a conjoint effort. Adapted from article in Child Welfare, Volume LXXIII, Nov. 1/Jan.-Feb. 1994 *Extracted from SCCBW Domestic Violence Counselor Training Manual, 1997 Peterson Professional Alliance © 65 WORKING WITH KIDS Specific Techniques that ANYONE Can Use! • • • • Give regular, repeated, focused attention to every child. Get on his/her level so s/he doesn’t have to look up at you. Don’t yell; get up close. Learn each child’s name quickly, and use it frequently. Demonstrate respect for each child’s personal boundaries, rights, and feelings; be clear about your own boundaries so kids can learn about and define their own. Be nurturing. If physical contact is appropriate (i.e., if both you and the child feel comfortable with each other), exchange hugs. Be careful not to overstep your or the child’s physical boundaries. Distinguish the person from his/her behavior. Be explicit and consistent. ALWAYS REMEMBER: THERE ARE NO BAD KIDS, JUST UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR. This applies equally to good kids vs. acceptable behavior. It is better to say “I really like the way you picked up your toys,” than to say “You are such a good boy.” Be as specific as possible about the behavior. Avoid comparing children. Provide frequent, positive reinforcement of desired behavior. Catch a child doing something right, rather than waiting him/her to do something wrong before you interact with him/her. Encourage every child. Use reflective listening to validate children’s feelings, e.g., “You’re saying you’re angry because you can’t stay up late.” Make sure rules and expectations for children are CLEAR, REASONABLE, CONSISTENT, and EASY TO FOLLOW. Be clear about consequences. Don’t make promises you can’t keep; keep every promise you make (if at all possible). For example, say, “I’ll try to back next Tuesday,” instead of “I’ll be her next Tuesday.” If you do make a mistake, explain/talk with the children to show that adults can also be fallible. (Editor’s Note: It also shows that adults are responsible for their actions.) Anticipate potential problems and help children to avoid them, then reinforce them appropriately for succeeding. Lead children through success the first time rather than reacting to yet another failure. • • • • • • Peterson Professional Alliance © From Sojourn Services for Battered Women and Their Children, Santa Monica, CA 66 ELEVEN TECHNIQUES THAT REALLY WORK WHEN WORKING WITH CHILDREN  Countdown For Transitions – Most children have difficulties changing from one activity to another or from one setting to another. Creating a routine (or plan) that the children understand and are invested in can prevent confusion and disappointment. It is also important to give fair warning when an activity is ending. “Fifteen minutes until clean up time.” Sometimes it is helpful to use a time, “Let’s set the timer to fifteen minutes. When it goes off, it will be clean-up time.” Empowerment, Empowerment, Empowerment – Almost everything we say and do must ultimately encourage the child’s own empowerment. Create further opportunities for a child to succeed on their own. Tilt the swing toward the child so that s/he can climb in on their own, instead of your lifting the child on to the swing. Don’t automatically assume that a child wants to be picked up. Give Frequent Choices – Give choices as often as possible to help build self-esteem, however, don’t offer a choice where there is none or when safety is involved. It is unlikely that a child will throw a tantrum if they are busy making a choice. Children who learn to make choices that effect their lives learn to be independent thinkers, and are less likely to follow the crowd as adolescents. If there’s no question that your child is going to drink milk with dinner, ask, “Would you like your milk in a glass or a mug?” instead of “Do you want some milk?” Reflective Listening – Show that you are listening to what the child has to say and validate the child’s feelings by repeating back what you hear, but using different words. Be sure to keep your statements free from value judgments: If the child says, “I hate Jimmy, he’s so mean!” You might read, “It sounds like you’re pretty angry with Jimmy right now.” Don’t say, “It’s not nice to hate.”     Broadcasting – Say out loud in a “matter-of-fact,” “play-by-play” sort of way, what you think the children are saying, doing, or might be feeling. This technique validates their actions/feelings and helps them clarify what they need for themselves. It can also begin to diffuse a conflict so that the children are able to solve the problem on their own. “Oh, I see Jane threw the ball to Jim. Jim caught it but it looks like he does not want to throw it back right now. It looks like Jane is getting impatient with Jim, wanting him to throw the ball back….” Peterson Professional Alliance ©  Sharing and Parallel Play – Younger children may have a difficult time sharing toys. This is a normal part of the development process. Try parallel play, creating side-by-side, equal activities for each child, e.g., each child gets a bucket and a shovel. As time goes on, children will learn to share by watching the example you set. Don’t say, “be a good boy and share with Emily.” Instead, validate the child, “Oh, it looks like Jim doesn’t want to share that toy.” Self-Esteem Building – Help children build their own self-esteem instead of making them dependent on adults or other children for validation and reinforcement. That way the children can deduce their own self worth. For example, if a child throws a ball particularly well, you might say, “Wow, you threw that ball directly to Maria!” Instead of, “Oh, you’re such a good pitcher.”  67  Setting Limits – Be very clear about limits regarding safety issues. Make sure the children understand the LIMITS, EXPECTATIONS, and CONSEQUENCES from the beginning and that they agree to the rules. Don’t vie choice when there aren’t any. Use “I” messages whenever possible. It’s Okay to Cry – Crying is a very necessary part of being human. Often, children will cry to release pent-up anger or hurt. They NEED to cry. Don’t try to stop a child from crying by saying, “It’s okay Gina, don’t cry.” And certainly don’t say anything derogatory, such as “Stop acting like a baby.” When a child is crying, make sure they feel comfortable, stay near them without necessarily touching, and be empathic, nurturing. Validate their feelings. “You’re feeling really sad/angry/afraid right no. You’re needing to cry.” Positive Reinforcement/Neutral Consequences – Give frequent verbal and physical reinforcement for positive behavior; if negative behavior occurs, respond neutrally. Remove any express from your face, try to avoid eye contact and remain silent. The child will miss the attention they were receiving before and will be more likely to repeat the positive behavior to get it back. Distinguish the Person from the Behavior – Always remember there are no BAD KIDS or GOOD KIDS, just unacceptable or acceptable behavior. It is better to say, “I really appreciate the way you picked up your toys,” instead of “You were such a good girl today.” Avoid comparing one child with another.    From Sojourn Services for Battered Women and Their Children, Santa Monica, CA Peterson Professional Alliance © CHILDREN'S PROGRAMS IN SHELTERS AND THE CONCEPT OF EMPOWERMENT Children's programs in shelters for battered women aim to create a safe, non-threatening environment that encourages the expression of feelings and the empowerment of each individual, both adults and children. It is the hope that through programs in the shelters, as well, as through community education and awareness about the effects of domestic violence and adult power and control of children, we can begin to change the cycles of family and societal violence. With the hope of programs being implemented by the state, requiring educational institutions to provide four hours of domestic violence instructions for grades 7-12, inclusive, that children who are in violent homes will know there is help; and those who know of friends who live in violent homes will be able to provide some help and guidance. However, at this time there is no state mandate to include domestic violence education in the schools. THINGS TO REMEMBER ABOUT CHILDREN LIVING IN SHELTERS Children living in a shelter for battered women and their children have left all of their emotional and physical vestiges and landmarks behind - they have had to leave their friends, toys, pets, beds, and in 68 most instances, their fathers. Many come to the shelter with nothing except the clothes they are wearing. At first, they may be disoriented and quite afraid of their new environment, including their new school. Most children keep the family secret and do not reveal that they or their mothers have been battered. Peterson Professional Alliance © TEEN DATING VIOLENCE FACT SHEET In a survey of 256 high school students, 35% reported experiencing violence in dating relationships (O'Keefe, Brockopp, Chew, 1986) In another survey of 204 high school students, 43% had personally experienced some physical violence; 1 in 10 had experienced violence in a dating relationship (Roscoe and Callahan, 1985) In a third survey of 644 high school students, 12% had been involved in a violent dating relationship as victim or abuser. The onset of the violence usually occurred after the relationship became serious; only 23% of the violent incidents occurred in casual relationships (Henton, Cate, Koval, Lloyd and Christopher, 1983) Boys who witness domestic violence are more likely to batter their female partners than boys raised in nonviolent homes the - - Date rape accounts for 60% of all reported rapes. The majority of victims are between ages of 16 and 24 (Ageton, 1983; Newsweek, April 1984) - If violence occurs once in a dating relationship, it is likely to occur again (similar to married couples) (Sugarman and Hotaling, Pirog-Good and Stets, 1989) Jealousy is most frequently perceived to be the most pressing cause of violence in a dating relationship. One-fourth to over 1/3 of respondents interpreted violence of their partner as signifying love. 69 - Teenagers rarely seek professional help (1 in 25 victims do) (Sugarman and Hotaling, 1989) Peterson Professional Alliance © WHAT IS DATING VIOLENE?* When asked: “What are some of the ways you have been EMOTIONALLY ABUSED?” Teens answered: yelled at called names publicly humiliated money stolen constantly accused of treasured possessions broken constantly blamed for flirting or having sex labeled “stupid” or “crazy” partner’s own faults with others verbally harassed repeatedly interrogated When asked: “What answered: scratched choked/hair pulled cut with knife kicked in stomach when pregnant are some of the ways you have been PHYSICALLY ABUSED?” Teens arm twisted hit head against wall slapped punched in face, arm dumped out of car held arm so tight it bruised hit with object beat up fingers bent burned When asked: “What are some of the ways you have been SEXUALLY ABUSED?” Teens answered: called sexual names acted indifferent wanted sex after hitting threatened to get a new woman made me walk home nude raped always wanted sex, mad when I slapped, pinched to get his way didn’t want to forced me to have sex without forced me to do “disgusting” sex act protection bit, pinched breasts Resource: “In Love and In Danger” by Barrie Levy 70 Peterson Professional Alliance © 71 Violence In Teen Dating Relationships A survey of 256 high school students in Sacramento, California school districts found that 35.5 percent of the students had experienced some form of abuse in their dating relationships. (O’Keefe, Chew, 1986) Violence was found among teenagers from the upper as well as the lower and middle classes, among intact families as well as single parent families and among all the ethnic groups studied. (O’Keefe, Chew, 1986) Fifty percent of students who had never experienced violence had, nonetheless, “know of” another student who had experienced it. (O’Keefe, Brockopp, Chew, 1986) Use of alcohol was associated with violence in teen relationships approximately 40% of the time. (O’Keefe, Brockopp, Chew, 1986) More than half (51%) of the students who witnessed their parents being abusive to each other had been involved in an abusive relationship; 47% of the students who were abused as children had been in a dating relationship in which violence occurred. (O’Keefe, Brockopp, Chew, 1986) In clinical settings, many adult victims of violent relationships indicate that their first violent experience occurred while they were still in their teens. (O’Keefe, Brockopp, Chew, 1986) While most abuse in one study was described as pushing, shoving, and slapping, more forms were also reported – 38% experienced kicking, biting, or hitting with the fist. (Cate, 1983) One study showed that in 76.9% of the cases, abusive behaviors were first experienced after a couple became seriously involved. However, in 23.1% of the relationships, violent acts were started during casual dating. This indicates that although abuse may be viewed as more acceptable in relationships of increased intimacy, there is a substantial amount occurring even before individuals feel any commitment to the relationship. (Journal of Family Issues, September 1983) Peterson Professional Alliance © Between one-fourth and one-third of teen victims appear to equate violence with love; whereas only 5% associate violence with hate. Unless severe injury results, dating violence does not lead to termination of the relationship. (Rsocoe and Benaske, 1985) The violent relationship continues in more than half of the cases; one-third of students who had been in violent relationships reported that the relationship actually improved following the violence. (Cate, 1984) Twenty to fifty percent of women have sustained sexual coercion at least once while dating. (Koss, Gidoz and Wisniewski, 1987) Fifteen to twenty-five percent of men have reported inflicting forceful attempts at intercourse. (Rapaport and Burkhart, 1984) In a survey by Suzanne Ageton of the Behavior Research Institute in Boulder, Colorado (1983), the following findings were recorded concerning teen rape: 56% of women were raped by a date 30% were raped by a friend 11% were raped by a boyfriend 78% did not tell parents 72 71% told a teenage friend 6% reported to the police Thirty-eight percent of women surveyed who had been raped were between the ages of 14 and 17 at the time of the assault; a significant number of teen girls suffer this violent incidence as their first or nearly first experience of sexual intercourse. (I Never Called It Rape, Robin Warshaw, 1988) Facts complied by the Center for Women’s Studies and Services. San Diego Peterson Professional Alliance © BATTERERS 73 Peterson Professional Alliance © 74 BATTERERS INTERVENTION The following is a brief outline of the requirements regarding batterer's intervention programs. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. The majority of batterers are in programs due to court orders. The programs are 52 weeks - if a batterer misses a session, their name is referred to the court and a bench warrant issued. The sessions are once a week, for 1 1/2 - 2 hours. If a batterer "fails" one program, they can be referred to a second program by order of the court. However, usually after the second "failure," the court may sentence the batterer to jail. Any batterer who completes the program, still has a criminal record. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS A CRIME! Batterers are reminded that they are not to violate restraining orders - even if the victim invites them over. Any batterer who continues battering while in the program, will be reported to the court. 8. All victims are encouraged to report any battering, while the batterer is in the programs, to the batterer's intervention program and the courts. 9. Counselors at batterer's intervention programs will remind batterers that any form of violence will not be tolerated and will be reported to the court. Peterson Professional Alliance © BATTERER'S PROGRAMS* BELL Aztian Family Clinic, Inc. (College Hosp) 5101 E. Florence, #4 (323)560-9992 Spanish, English access CERRITOS American Family Alliance 10802 College Place (562)799-1226 - call for appt English only; Wheelchair 75 Wheelchair access; Women's groups BEVERLY HILLS Beverly Hills Family Counseling Internatl Center 204 S. Beverly Dr., Suite 116 (310)271-3784 English only. Gay & Lesbian sensitive Project Pride: Wilshire Annex 8601 Wilshire Blvd, #1000 (310)588-2532 - Call for appointment English, Spanish; Wheelchair access Gay & Lesbian sensitive; Also women’s grps BRENTWOOD Wheelchair access Anderson & Anderson 12301 Wilshire Blvd., #418 Prog (310)207-3591 Spanish, English BURBANK Women's groups Family Service Agency of Burbank 2013 W. Magnolia Blvd. (818)845-7671 Spanish, English; Wheelchair access Victory Foundation, Inc. 134 S. San Fernando Blvd. (818)842-9446 Spanish, English CANOGA PARK 1AAA-Armonia Family Latina-Family Harmony 20128 Roscoe Blvd. (818)787-4010 Srvcs Spanish, English Center for the Prevention of Family Violence 20944 Sherman Way, #209 (800)290-2079 or (818)883-2132 Spanish, English Counseling West 6700 Fallbrook Ave, #207 (818)999-6164 Wheelchair access; Also women’s grps Nueva Esperanza #103 7024 Deering Ave. (818)920-9519 grps Spanish, English Recovery Ctr Women's groups CITY OF INDUSTRY Twin Palms Recovery 218 N. Glendora Ave. (626)968-8875 Spanish, English; Wheelchair access Also women’s groups COMPTON King Drew DV Batterer’s Treatment 3221 N. Alameda St, Bldg 4, #"J" (310)631-5884 Spanish, English; COVINA Citrus Counseling Domestic Viol 4960 Grand Ave. (626)967-7585 Spanish, English, Tagalog. Wheelchair access Santa Anita Family Service 716 N. Citrus Ave. (626)966-1755 Spanish, English CULVER CITY 1AAA -Armonia Familiar Latina 4244 Overland Ave. (310)837-1818 Spanish, English DIAMOND BAR Generation Fndtion Counseling 3333 Brea Canyon, #124 (909)594-9432 Wheelchair access EAST LOS ANGELES 1AAA - Armonia Family 2050 Marango St. (323)873-3113 Wheelchair access Abilio A. Hernandez, MD 4082 E. Whittier Blvd., (323)266-0496 Spanish, English; Also women’s BHS-Boyle Heights Family 3421 E. Olympic Blvd. (323)262-1786 English, Spanish; Wheelchair access; Also women’s grps Peterson Professional Alliance © 76 Batterer's Treatment Programs (cont'd) EAST LOS ANGELES (cont’d) El Centro de Ayuda Corp. 1972 Cesar E. Chavez Ave. (323)285-6228 Spanish, English; Wheelchair access EL MONTE Acacia Counseling 11401 E. Valley Blvd., #107 (818)335-6114 Spanish, English, Pacific Rim Wheelchair access; Also women’s grps Anderson & Anderson 11350 E. Valley Blvd., #101 (626)442-1595 Spanish, English; Wheelchair access Latino Domestic Violence Program Psychology Center 12042 Ramona Blvd. (626)444-6204 Spanish, English Russian, Spanish Project Info Community Services 11046 Valley Mall (626)442-4788 Spanish, English; Wheelchair access EL MONTE Farsi Twin Palms Recovery Center 3574 Lexington Ave. (626)443-4008 Spanish, English; Wheelchair access ENCINO Alternatives LTD 16550 Ventura Blvd., #202-204 (818)986-9964 or (818)990-1379 California Family Group for Stopping Men’s Violent Abuse 5445 Balboa Blvd. (818)907-9980 access English only GARDENA Behavioral Health Services 15519 Crenshaw Blvd. (310)679-9031 Wheelchair access Neighborhood Family Center 16010 Crenshaw Blvd., #N (310)324-0444 Spanish, English; Also women’s grps GLENDALE Diversion - The First Stop 335 Mission Rd. (818)988-2597 Spanish, English Glendale Counseling Center 1521 W. Glendora Blvd., #B (818)547-2865 English, Armenian, Chinese, Farsi Also women’s groups Glendale Family Service 3436 N. Verdugo Rd. (818)248-2288 English only; Wheelchair access Also women's groups Glendale Humanistic 235 N. Central Ave. (818)242-6424 English, Farsi, Protguese, Also women’s groups New Horizon Psychological Center 714 S. Glendora Ave. (818)545-9848 Spanish, English, Russian Armenia, Also women’s groups Gay & Lesbian sensitive New Insights Program 431 N. Brand Blvd., #311 (818)242-2308 English only GLENDORA Acacia Counseling 140 S. Grand Ave., #D (626)336-6114 Spanish, English, Pacific Rim Also women’s groups, Wheelchair HOLLYWOOD 1AAA Armonia Familiar Latina 4628 Hollywood Blvd. (323)873-3113 Spanish only Asst. League of So. Calif. 1360 N. St. Andrews Pl. (323)469-5893 Spanish, English; Wheelchair access Also women’s groups 77 Peterson Professional Alliance © Batterer's Treatment Programs (cont'd) HOLLYWOOD (con’td) Los Angeles Counseling Center 5265 Fountain Ave., #2 (323)913-3371 Spanish, English Los Angeles Gay & Lesbian Center 1625 N. Schrader Blvd., #402 (323)993-7645 English only; Also women’s groups Gay & Lesbian specific; Wheelchair access HUNTINGTON PARK Centro de Desarrollo Familiar 6829 Rita Ave., #17 (323)589-1902 Spanish, English women’s grps Also women’s groups in Spanish West Advisory Christian Counseling Center 6800 Pacific Blvd., #C (323)588-5971 English, Spanish; Also women’ grps in Spanish INGLEWOOD Anderson & Anderson 8611 Crenshaw Blvd., #100 (310)677-1380 Spanish, English grps Inglewood (Your Area)Batterer’s Treatment Program America 400 S. La Brea Ave., #202 (310)674-6215 Spanish, English; Also women’s groups grps LAKEWOOD Family service of Long Beach 21420 Pioneer Blvd. (562)436-9893 Enlgish, Spanish Also women’s groups; Wheelchair access #301 LANCASTER Cedarwood Counseling Group grps 44809 N. Fern Ave. (661)945-7608 Spanish, English; Wheelchair access Also women’s groups grps High Road Program Inc. LANCASTER (cont’d) Tarazana Treatment Center 44447 N. 10th St. West (661)726-2630 Wheelchair access; English LAWNDALE Anderson & Anderson 15875 Hawthorne Blvd., #H (310)679-8310 English, Spanish LOMITA HPI Counseling Center 24317 Pennsylvania vae., #201 (310)530-5664 English, Spanish; Also LONG BEACH Alternative to Violence P.O. Box 7156 (562)493-1161 - Call for appt English only; Also women’s grps Gay & Lesbian sensitive American Family Alliance 1945 Palo Verde Ave., #204 (562)799-1228 - Call for appt English only; Also women’s Cambodian Assoc of 2501 Atlantic Ave. (562)988-1865 Cambodian only; Also women’s Fred Kennday Associates, Inc. 1355 Redondo Ave., #3 (562)986-5046 Spanish, English La Clinica Para Su Ayuda 3605 Long Beach Blvd., (562)424-7701 Spanish, English; Also women’s Neighborhood Family Center 1409 E. 4th St., #B (562)432-1919 Spanish, English; Also women’s Options Counseling 78 44823 Date Ave. #E-12 (661)942-2241 Wheelchair access LFC - Life Choice 43260 Challenger Way (661)723-6587 Wheelchair access; Also women’s groups Peterson Professional Alliance © Batterer's Treatment Programs (cont'd) LONG BEACH (cont’d) Tarzana Treatment Center Mental Health Srvc 2101 Magnolia Ave. (562)218-1868 English, Spanish; Wheelchair access acccess LOS ANGELES 1AAA - Armonia Familiar Latina Treatment 750 Garland Ave., (Esquina de Garland/Calle 8) (323)873-3113 Spanish only About Face 3400 W. 6th St., #404 Ctr (213)384-7084 Spanish, English; Also women’s grps Abuse Prevention 5615 W. Pico Blvd. (323)937-5846 English only; Also women’s grps Gay & Lesbian sensitive Another Way 12655 Washington Blvd., #101 (310)967-8085 Wheelchair access; Also women’s grps attended Asian Pacific Counseling & Treatment Center 520 S. Lafayette Park Plaza, 3rd Flr (213)252-2100 Counseling & Japanese, Tagalog, Vietnamese, Thai Catholic Charities 1530 W. James Wood Blvd. (213)251-3569 Spanish only; Wheelchair access Central Recovery & Development Proj 3313 W. Washington Blvd. (323)732-2098 Spanish, English; Wheelchair access Chinatown Service Center 3703 Long Beach Blvd., (562)989-0809 Gay & Lesbian sensitive Saddle Group Counseling 3080 Long Beach Blvd. (562)427-2323 Also women’s groups LOS ANGELES (cont’d) Didi Hirsch Community 672 S. Lafayette Park Plaza, #6 (213)381-3626 English, Spanish; Wheelchair Also women’s groups King Drew DV Batterer’s 9307 S. Central Ave. (323)564-6982 Spanish, English; Wheelchair access Also women’s groups Korean American Family Service 3958 Wilshire Blvd., #200 (213)388-6755 Korean only Little Tokyo Service Center 231 E. 3rd St., #G104 (213)473-1602 Japanese only Scapular House 101 W. 89th St. (323)585-4383 20 weeks credit max. for groups in jail. English, Protguese, Spanish Also women’s groups Institute for Multicultural Educational Services 3550 Wilshire Blvd., #410 (213)381-1250 Armenian, English, Farsi, Russian Wheelchair access 79 767 N. Hill St., #400 (213)808-1700 Chinese only Coalition of Mental Health Professionals 9130 S. Figueroa St., #100 (323)777-3120 Spanish, English; Wheelchair access Also women’s groups Didid Hirsch Community Mental Health Ctr 1328 W. Manchester Ave. (323)778-9693 Spanish, English; Wheelchair access Also women’s groups Peterson Professional Alliance © Batterer's Treatment Programs (cont'd) MONROVIA Santa Anita Family Services 605 S. Myrtle Ave. (626)359-9358 Spanish, English; Also gay & lesbian MONTEREY PARK Chinatown Service Center 112 N. Chandler, #105 (213)808-1700 - call for appt Chinese only grps NEWHALL Assoc to Aid Victims of Domestic Violence 23630 San Fernando Rd, Unit C & D (661)259-8175 Spanish, English CPS Domestic Violence Program 23545 McBean Parkway (Charter Hosp) (800)770-7387 - Call for appt Wheelchair access NORTH HILLS Stephan J. Fleisher, PhD 16031 Chase St. (818)993-1811 Diabled; Women's groups; English only NORTH HOLLYWOOD Five Star Counseling & Educ Srvcs 12444 Victory Blvd, #100 (818)763-6615 Spanish, English; Wheelchair access Also women's groups The Village Family Service 5437 Laurel Canyon Blvd., #210 (818)755-8786 English, Spanish; Also women’s groups grps PACOIMA (cont’d) Valley Prevention & Treatment Ctr 13711 Van Nuys Blvd., #4 (818)896-1433 Spanish only; Wheelchair access PALMDALE Second Wind Project 38733 - 9th St., East (661)947-6642 Spanish, English; Also women’s PANORAMA CITY Abilio A. Hernandez, MD 9140 Van Nuys, #200 (818) 830-0433 Spanish, English PARAMOUNT American Family Alliance 16453 S. Colorado Ave. (800)348-9297 - Call for appt English only PASADENA ACT Behavioral Center 739 E. Walnut St., #203 (626)568-3360 English only Foothill Family Service 118 S. Oak Knoll Ave. (626)795-6907 Spanish, English; Wheelchair access Also women’s groups High Road Program 700 S. Arroyo Parkway (626)793-6159 Wheelchair access; Also women’s 80 Gay & Lesbian specific NORTHRIDGE #284 Domestic Abuse Center 8817 Reseda Blvd, #C (818)705-5030 or (818)772-0176 Services English only NORWALK California Diversion Intervention Fndtion Wheelchair access 13031 San Antonio Dr, #214 (800)842-9089 Spanish, English Services PACOIMA Diversion - The First Stop 11243 Glenoaks Blvd, #3 Wheelchair access (818)988-2597 Spanish, English Peterson Professional Alliance © Batterer's Treatment Programs (cont'd) POMONA (cont’d) NCADD Alcohol & 401 S. Main St., #110 (909)629-4084 English, Spanish; Wheelchair access Also women’s groups Pomona Community Crisis Center Center 221 N. Palomares (909)623-1588 Spanish, English; Wheelchair access QUARTZ HILL Cedarwood Counseling Group 42055 - 50th St., West, #4 (661)945-7608 English, Spanish; Wheelchair access ROSEMEAD Affliated Pschyiatric Medical Group 3360 Flair Dr, 2nd Flr (626)482-5810 ASL Translator, Visual Impaired, Mildly women’s grps Retarded Spanish, English; Wheelchair access SAN FERNANDO Levittan CPS Domestic Violence Program 582 S. Brand Blvd. I AM Foundation 686 S. Arroyo Parkway, (310)907-9013 PICO RIVERA Center for Psychological 6505 S. Rosemead Blvd, #108 (562)949-2496 Spanish, English; Also women’s groups POMONA Inland Valley 375 S. Main St., #111 (909)622-7311 Spanish, Recovery English; SANTA FE SPRINGS LA CADA LA Ctr for Drug Abuse 11015 Bloomfield Ave. (562)906-2676 Spanish, English; Wheelchair access Southeast Area Counseling 10909 Orr & Day Rd. (562)406-8669 Spanish, English; Wheelchair access Also women’s groups SANTA MONICA New Start 2116 Wilshire Blvd., #230 (310)586-0059 English; Also women’s groups St. John's Hospital 1339 - 20th St. (310)829-8536 Deaf, Hard of Hearing; Also T.E.A.M. 10350 Santa Monica Blvd, #310 (310)556-2050 contact - Michael Also women's groups SHERMAN OAKS 81 (800)770-7387 - Call for appt Wheelchair acess Nueva Esperanza 582 S. Brand (818)920-4519 Spanish, English of Valley Family Center 302 S. Brand (818)368-8588 Spanish, English; Wheelchair access Also women's groups SAN PEDRO Centro Contra is Violencia 302 W. 5th St., #100-C (888)323-6876 Spanish, English Fred Kennedy Associates 1931 N. Gaffey St., #D (310)521-1263 Spanish, English Toberman Settlement House grps 131 N. Grand Ave. (310)832-5604 English only Clinical Counseling Center 15300 Ventura Blvd., #503 (818)986-1161 English; Spanish; Wheelchair access Also women’s groups Domestic Violence Program Thomas Allen Curtis, MD 13701 Riverside Dr., #800 (818)380-1350 English only; Wheelchair access SOUTH GATE 1AAA - Armonia Familiar En El “Salon South Gate” 33424 Ardmore Ave. (323)873-3113 Spanish only STUDIO CITY LIFE Counseling Center 11712 Moorpark St., #205 (818)760-0074 Spanish, English; Also women’s Peterson Professional Alliance © Batterer's Treatment Programs (cont'd) TARZANA Tarzana Treatment Center Center 18646 Oxnard St. (818)996-1057 Spanish, English; Wheelchair access Also women’s groups VAN NUYS Fndtion 1AAA - Armonia Familiar Latina 6316 Van Nuys Blvd. (818)787-7903 Spanish, English Aid to Family 14545 Friar St., #105/105A (818)785-4935 sensitive Armenian, English, Spanish Also women’s groups Center for the Prevention of Family Violence 13855 Victory Blvd., #201 Hebrew, Russian, (800)290-2079 WEST HILLS Fallbrook Counseling 24373 Vanowen St. (213)207-2770 English only; Also women’s grps WEST HOLLYWOOD Calif. Diversion Intervention 1296 N. Fairfax Ave. (800)842-9089 English only WEST LOS ANGELES Alternatives to Violence (562)493-1161 - Call for appt. English only; Gay & Lesbian Ness Counseling Center 8512 Whitworth Dr., #102 (310)360-8512 Armenian, English, Farsi, Spanish, Yiddish, Law Enforcement 82 related Spanish, English; Wheelchair access Also women’s groups Diversion - The First Stop Center 6514 Sylmar Ave, #1-D (818)988-2597 Spanish, English Wheelchair access High Road Program 14430 Sherman Way (818)785-9119 Center English only; Wheelchair access Valley Community Counseling Ctr 14432 Gilmore St, #A groups (818)994-6692 Spanish, Armenian, Farsi, English Also women's groups WEST COVINA Japanese, Anderson & Anderson Vietnamese 1323 W. Covina Parkway, #D (626)338-5175 Spanish, English Baldwin Park Counseling Center #312 1710 W. Cameron Ave, #208 (626)917-2120 Spanish, English; Also women's grps Deaf services also available Center Safety Education/Domestic Violence 1400 W. Covina Parkway, 3rd Floor (818)960-3977 Spanish, English; Wheelchair access Also women's groups Peterson Professional Alliance © Batterer's Treatment Programs (cont'd) WHITTIER Centro de Desarrollo Familiar 12448 Washington Blvd. (562)907-7466 Spanish, English; Wheelchair access Didi Hirsch Community Mental Health Ctr 7702 Washington Ave, #C (562)698-7941 English only; Wheelchair access services; Also women’s groups Wheelchair access West Area Opportunity 11821 W. Pico Blvd. (310)477-8272 Spanish, English; Also women’s groups WESTCHESTER (LAX Area) San Martin de Porres Counseling 8616 La Tijera Blvd., #405 (310)641-1633 Spanish, English; Also women’s WRAP Family Services 8616 La Tijera Blvd., #200 (310)337-1550 Asian, Cambodian, English, Korean, Pacific Islander, Also women’s groups WESTWOOD CGI - New Directions 1145 Gayley Ave., 3rd Flr, (310)208-7187 X950 English, Farsi; Wheelchair access Gay & Lesbian sensitive San Martin de Porres Counsesling 10642 Santa Monica Blvd., #100 (310)641-1833 English only 83 Glenoaks Counseling Center 13601 E. Whittier Blvd., #205 (562)697-5798 English only; Wheelchair access WILMINGTON Behavioral Health Services 1318 N. Avalon Blvd, #A (310)549-2710 Spanish, English; Wheelchair access Neighborhood Family Center 505 W. Pacific Coast Hwy, 2nd Floor, #E (310)324-0444 Spanish, English TUJUNGA Aid to Family 7443 Foothill St. (818)785-4935 Armenian, English, Spanish Also women’s groups Peterson Professional Alliance © THE VIOLENCE CONTINUUM (Signs to Look for in a Batterer) EXPRESSIVE VIOLENCE 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Violence that is primarily an expression of emotion (anger, jealousy, etc.) which is obsessive. Absence to severe violent tendencies. Mutual and reciprocal violence; victim and perpetrator roles not fixed. Violence is part of an escalating conflict. Perpetrator minimizes, blames or denies the violence. Perpetrators continually blame others 84 for "bad luck" that befalls them. 6. Sequential, gradual, predictable progression to violence. 7. Stress, frustration, and anger precede violent incidents. This behavior may also emerge in the workplace when things are not going right. 8. Genuine remorse and sorrow; perpetrator believes that violence can be controlled (without help). INSTRUMENT VIOLENCE 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Violence that is used primarily as instrument to achieve goal. Unilateral violence: victim and perpetrator roles are fixed. Perpetrator believes that he has a right to hit, intimidate, control, etc. Violence is a deliberate effort at punishing or controlling. Relatively sudden and rapid progression to violence (immediate violence without warning). 6. Shallow, manipulative remorse; violence consistent with values; feelings of resignation and hopelessness. 7. 8. Potential for violent retaliation, homicide and/or suicide. Serious psychological consequences, helplessness, depression, low self-esteem. Peterson Professional Alliance © 85 DIVERSITY Peterson Professional Alliance © 86 STEPS TOWARD BECOMING AN INTER-CULTURALLY SENSITIVE PERSON Admit that my way of perceiving the world is not universal. Believe in the necessity of understanding my own culture prior to discovering the culture of others. Decide to embrace opportunities for encountering others that are different. Recognize and admit that my initial reaction to cultural difference may be defensive, either denigrating the differing culture or implying my culture is superior. Recognize and admit that my initial reaction to cultural differences may be to deny my own culture in order to gain acceptance of differing cultures. Discern from my investigation of my own culture that valuable cultural traits that affect my attitudes and behavior. Let go of my prejudices as I discover them within myself and make amends to the persons and groups that I have hurt as a result of my prejudice whenever possible. Discern from my encounters of other cultures and reflect on what makes their cultural traits valuable to them. Remain silent and listen when my discomfort toward others’ description of cultural differences causes me to trivialize difference. Actively seek opportunities such as reading, and listening to and interacting with, those with extensive cross-cultural experience to discover why the information I receive about other cultures will enhance my relationships with others. Withhold judgment when I encounter what I consider “improper” verbal and non-verbal behavior and attempt to discern what is attributable to cultural traits and values. Honestly believe that I can value differences among people and use them as opportunities to learn about self and others by practicing the above steps regularly. From the National Conference, 1996, Los Angeles, CA Peterson Professional Alliance © “ISMs” TRAINING WHAT ARE “ISMs?”       Racism Sexism Classism Heterosexism Ageism Etc. 87 HOW DO “ISMs” OPERATE? “US versus “THEM”  We tend to define “US” as the “NORM” and “THEM” as the “OTHERS.”  We define both “US” and “THEM” in terms of stereotypes and generalities. NORMS Established by those in power to define ourselves positively Describe stereotypes which are encouraged as being “within the norm” Act to maintain and institutionalize power OTHERS Established by those in power to define others negatively Describe stereotypes which are discouraged as being “outside the norm” Act to exclude others from sharing in power Peterson Professional Alliance © TALK ABOUT “PREJUDICE” AS IT RELATES TO THE “ISMs” ♦ Prejudice is a negative judgment made about “others” without knowledge, thought or reason, often accompanied by fear and rooted in privilege. ♦ “Ism’s” are defined as prejudice plus power to oppress a person or group. WHY ARE WE CONCERNED ABOUT “ISMs?” ♦ We work with women (staff, volunteers, and clients) from all different cultures, sexual preferences, educational backgrounds, economic classes, etc. • • We need to understand how these issues (“norms”) work to keep women in abusive situations. We need to understand how these issues (“norms”) arise in a shelter. ♦ We work, in all of our projects, from a basic philosophy of “empowerment.” • Each individual is capable of taking power over his/her own life, and the “ism’s” work to rob us of power. ♦ We are committed as an organization to working toward the elimination of these “ism’s”. ♦ As a shelter were are primarily concerned with providing a safe and supportive environment for all. ♦ Working to empower clients and to overcome the effects of oppression requires each of us to examine how we’ve been oppressed and how we oppress others. 88 • Each of us has some power and privilege and we need to learn how we can use it appropriately rather than inappropriately. Peterson Professional Alliance © ♦ We need to listen to and respect each other and acknowledge our commonalties and recognize and appreciate our differences. CLASSISM Brainstorm – What are some external cues, which we use to define which class we or others are in? ♦ Making a judgment about a person based on external cues about his/her social status (i.e., economic or educational position in society). Define “classist” prejudice as prejudice based on all of these: “Classism Model” PREJUDICE Brainstorm negative stereotypes of the “poor” + POWER Economic privilege Educational privilege = CLASSISM Classism and Domestic Violence Brainstorm – How would “classism” work to make it harder for women to get out of a battering situation? “Poor” Women – lack of money, income, employment opportunities, transportation, job skills, education, shame, etc. “Wealthy” Women – fear of giving up status and privilege, ruin their husbands’ careers, stigma of welfare/public housing, embarrassment. Peterson Professional Alliance © Classism in the Shelter Be sensitive to the differences in class between staff and clients. Don’t make class-based assumptions. Be aware that the very fact that you have the free time to volunteer may be class-based and separate you from clients. Situations 89 We have all grown up with negative attitudes and stereotypes about persons of color or “prejudice.” “Racism” Model PREJUDICE Brainstorm negative stereotypes about various racial groups Racism and Domestic Violence Many of the same effects as “classism” because the two are so closely interwoven in our society. Shelters are often perceived as being staffed by whites, in white neighborhoods, etc. + POWER = RACISM Access to institutions controlled by the majority race Peterson Professional Alliance © Racism in the Shelter May be the only person of their race among clients, staff and volunteers. Cultural differences. Perception of power relationships between clients and staff by the outside world (“welfare office”). Differences in use of language to express self. Situations “Homophobia” versus “Heterosexism” “Heterosexism” Model PREJUDICE Brainstorm negative stereotypes about lesbians + POWER Access to institutions controlled by straights = HETEROSEXISM Heterosexism and Domestic Violence Lesbians face the same prejudices as other women, plus the possible need to “come out” with 90 people she doesn’t know in a potentially “straight” shelter environment. “Straight” women may perceive shelters and the movement to end domestic violence as being lesbian dominated homophobia. Stigma of leaving a man – “she must be a lesbian.” Peterson Professional Alliance © Harder for a single woman (“sexism”) or two women together (“heterosexism”) to get a place to live. Heterosexism in the Shelter Homophobia – “Who’s the lesbian?” – “Who’s straight?” Battered lesbian may be afraid to open up and be honest – may use a “cover story.” Growing closeness of women who are expressing feelings and sharing emotions. Homophobia among the kids. “Straight” women may not be as willing to validate anger that’s not directed at men. The Moral of the Story To overcome the “ism’s” in society, we must first confront them and overcome them in ourselves. The “ism’s” are expressions of power and people do not usually give up power voluntarily – hence, the need for civil rights movements, changes in the law, changes in society’s institutions, etc. Don’t make assumptions about clients – be non-judgmental, accept differences – support one another. From Sojourn Services for Battered Women and Their Children Peterson Professional Alliance © CYCLE OF OPPRESSION SYSTEMATIC MISTREATMENT OF A PARTICULAR CULTURAL GROUP BASED ON DIFFERENCES SUCH AS RACE, ETHNICITY, CLASS, GENDER, SEXUALITY, ABILITY… 91 Which becomes the justification for further mistreatment Which becomes socially sanctioned attitudes, beliefs, feelings, and assumptions. Generates misinformation and ignorance about the group… Oppression is one consequence of a self-perpetuating imbalance in economic, political and social power. Oppression hurts all of us, whether or not we are members of the targeted group. Adapted from Ricky Sherover-Marcuse, Unlearning Racism Workshops Excerpted from SCCBW DV Training Manual Peterson Professional Alliance © WORKING ASSUMPTIONS AND GUIDELINES FOR ALLIANCE BUILDING Since, under present world conditions, everyone either is now, or has been, or will be at some time a target of social oppression; and since everyone is now, or has been, or will be in a non-target group in relation to some other group’s oppression, alliance-building is for everyone. Every one of us needs allies, and every one of us can take the role of an ally for someone else. The following guidelines are based on these premises. They should be equally applicable from the perspective of the target and the non-target group. Strategies for Winning Allies: From the Target Group Perspective Assume that your group and that you in particular deserve allies. Assume that your liberation issues are justifiably of concern to all people outside your group. Assume that people in other groups are your natural allies; assume that all people outside your group want to be allies for you and that it is in their interest for them to do so. 92 Assume that it is only other people’s own oppression and internalized oppression that prevents them (temporarily) from being effective allies to you at all times. Assume that your allies are doing the best they can at the present time, given their own oppression and internalized oppression. Assume that they can and will do better. Assume that you are the expert on your own experience and that you have information that other people need to hear. Speak from your own experience without comparing your oppression to theirs. Peterson Professional Alliance © Assume that your experience is also an experience of victories; be sure to share these – as well as the stories of how things are hard. Expect perfection from your allies; expect them to be able to deal with the “difficult issues” in your struggle. Assume that allies make mistakes; be prepared to be disappointed; and continue to expect the best from the. Assume that you have a perfect right to assist your allies to become more effective for you. Assume that you can choose to do this at any time. Take full pride in your ability to do this. Strategies for Being an Effective Ally: From the Non-target Group Perspective Assume that all people in your own group, including yourself, want to be allies to people in different groups. Assume that you are good enough and smart enough to be an effective ally. However, this does not mean you have nothing more to learn. Assume that you have a perfect right to be concerned with other people’s liberation issues, and that it is in your own interest to do so and to be an ally. Assume that all people in that target group want members of your group and you in particular as an ally. Assume that they recognize you as such, at least potentially. Assume that any appearances to the contrary (any apparent rejections of you as an ally) are the result of target group people’s experience of oppression and internalized oppression. Assume that people in the target group are already communicating to you in the best way they can at the present time. Assume they can and will do better. Think about how to assist them in this without making your support dependent on their “improving” in any way. (Hint: Think about what has been helpful for you when you were in the target group position.) Peterson Professional Alliance © Assume that target group people are experts on their own experience, and that you have much to learn from them. Use your own intelligence and experiences as a target group member to realize what target group people might find useful. Recognize that as a non-target person you are an expert on the experience of having been conditioned 93 to take the oppressor role. This means that you know the content of the lies which target group people have internalized. Don’t let timidity force you to pretend ignorance. Assume that target group people are survivors and that they have a long history of resistance. Become an expert on this history and assist target group people to take full pride in it. Become an expert on all of the issues that are of concern to people in the target group, especially issues that are tied into their internalized oppression. Assume that making mistakes is a part of the learning process of being an ever more effective ally. Be prepared for flare-ups of disappointment and criticism. Acknowledge and apologize for mistakes; learn from them; but don’t retreat. Know that people in the target group can “spot” “oppressor role conditioning”; do not bother to “convince” them that this conditioning did not happen to you. Don’t attempt to convince target group people that you “are on their side”; just be there. Do not expect “gratitude” from people in the target group; thoughtfully interrupt if it is offered to you. Remember, being an ally is a matter of your choice. It is not an obligation; it is something you get to do. Be a 100% ally; no deals; no strings attached. “I’ll oppose your oppression if you oppose mine.” Everyone’s oppression needs to be opposed unconditionally. Adapted from Ricky Sherover-Marcuse, Unlearning Racism Workshops Peterson Professional Alliance © ETHNIC STRATIFICATION: POWER AND INEQUALITY By: Martin Marger A prominent sociologist has suggested that the first questions asked by sociology were these: “Why is there inequality among men? Where do its causes lie? Can it be reduced, or even abolished altogether? Or do we have to accept it as a necessary element in the structure of human society?” (Dahrendorf, 1968:15a) Such questions remain fundamental to sociological inquiry and are particularly critical in the study of race and ethnicity relations. Humans are unequal, of course, in many ways. They differ in physical features and in mental capacities, talent, strength, musical aptitude, and so on. All of these inequalities are a product of both social learning and genetic inheritance, though the significance of each of these factors is, as we have now seen, not always clear. Perhaps more importantly, however, people are also unequal in their access to social rewards, that is, various forms of wealth, power, and prestige. These differences, all primarily of social origin, are of greatest consequence in accounting for who we are and who we ultimately may be as members of our society. It is these inequalities with which sociologists are most concerned. STRATIFICATION SYSTEMS In all societies, people receive different shares of what is valued and scarce. This unequal distribution of the society’s resources creates a system of stratification. People are grouped on the basis of how much of the society’s rewards they receive, and these groups, or strata, are arranged in a rank order, 94 or hierarchy. Those at the top receive the most of what there is to get, and those at the bottom receive the least. Societies may comprise any number of strata, but in all cases this system of inequality is structured. This means that stratification is not random, with groups and individuals occupying different positions by chance; rather, social institutions such as government, the economy, education, and religion operate to assure the position of various groups in the hierarchy. Moreover, the system of stratification in all societies is legitimized by an ideology that justifies the resultant inequality. The pattern of stratification in a society is thus stable for many generations. Peterson Professional Alliance © Modern societies are stratified along several dimensions, the most prominent of which is class stratification, in which groups are ranked on the basis of income, wealth, and occupation. Multiethnic societies are also stratified on the basis of ethnicity, and it is on this dimension that we will primarily focus. So that we can better understand the specific nature of ethnic stratification, however, we will look first at some of the more general characteristics of stratification systems. Dimensions of Stratification Beginning with Karl Marx, many have stressed the economic dimension of social stratification. A social class, according to Marx, comprises those who stand in a common position with regard to the society’s productive system. Although he recognized many subclasses, he saw the eventual emergence of two encompassing classes: those who own and control the means of production and those who do not. Those who have access to the society’s productive resources – in industrial societies, factories, banks, transportation, communications, and so on – constitutes a ruling class. Those who own no productive property, the working class, can offer only their human labor in exchange for material needs. The different economic interests of these two classes become the basis of political struggle and societal change. Weber’s Multidimensional Model. Marx’s view of stratification is essentially uni-dimensional: classes are founded on economic criteria. One of the first scholars to suggest a more elaborate, multidimensional model of stratification was Marx Weber. In addition to a hierarchy based on economic factors, Weber denoted hierarchies based on status and on political power, the latter referred to as “party” (Gerth and Mills, 1946). Weber’s notion of class is similar to Marx’s: a class is comprised of those who stand in a similar position with regard to their opportunities to acquire the society’s economic rewards. It is the status and power dimensions, however, that Weber’s model is innovative. The status dimension, according to Weber, consists of groups that display a particular life style and that are aware of differences between themselves and other status groups. Such status communities manifest themselves in common consumption patterns, club memberships, residential areas, and schools and, Peterson Professional Alliance © ultimately, in intermarriage. Weber was careful to explain that economic class and status are generally overlapping dimensions, because a particular life style necessitates commensurate wealth. Most sociologists today use the term socioeconomic status, a combination of Weber’s class and status dimensions, in place of social class.19 Weber’s third dimension, party, denotes political rank, that is, one’s standing in a collectivity or organization whose “action is oriented toward the acquisition of social ‘power,' that is to say, toward 19 For an explanation and discussion of the varied usage’s of stratification terminology in American sociology, see Gordon (1963). 95 influencing a communal action” (Gerth and Mills, 1946: 194). Such organizations may represent either class or status group interests or perhaps a combination of the two. In addition to formal political organizations like parties, examples in modern industrial societies are labor union, consumer groups, business and professional associations, and ethnic organizations – in short, any group designed for or capable of involvement in political action. This element of Weber’s scheme is often misinterpreted as describing power as a distinct dimension of stratification. Weber clearly sates, however, that all three dimensions, class, status, and party, are “phenomena of the distribution of power within a community” (Gerth and Mills, 1946: 191). Peterson Professional Alliance © DEFINITIONS Lesbian A lesbian is a woman who prefers other women on many levels – sexually, emotionally, intellectually, and physically – and who identifies herself as a lesbian. An identified woman whose spiritual and emotional needs are most completely satisfied with other women. A woman whose primary erotic, psychological, emotional and social interest is in a member of her own sex, even though that interest may not be overtly expressed. Homophobia The hatred, fear and disgust of lesbians and gay men based in a belief system and set of priorities that assert heterosexuality as normal and superior, and asserts that homosexuality is deviant, abnormal, a crime, or a sin. Homophobia makes it difficult and dangerous for lesbians and gay men to live openly and freely. It deprives people of their lives, access to housing, family, support, children, and community support. Homophobia makes it difficult for ALL women to openly assert their love and concern for other women for fear of being labeled as a lesbian. 96 Peterson Professional Alliance © Heterosexism The assumption that ALL people are heterosexual and that heterosexuality is right, correct and normal. Based on the assumption the creation of organizations, policies, and structures that only benefit and acknowledge heterosexuality and heterosexuals therefore excluding lesbians and gay men, leading to their invisibility. It is also power to enforce these policies, practices, and structures that enforce the invisibility of lesbians and gay men. Based on rigid sex roles, heterosexism defines women only as they relate to men. All non-lesbians benefit from the power of heterosexism, even if they are working against homophobia. Heterosexual Privilege The benefit that a heterosexual person has automatically and that are defined to lesbians and gay men. Lesbian Battering Using the label of lesbian (gay) to confuse, distort, and destroy women’s (men’s) efforts to secure self-determination. Or any attempt to control women (men) by accusing them of being lesbians (gay) because their behavior is not acceptable, that is when they are being independent, fighting for their rights, demanding equal pay, saying no to violence, being selfasserting, bonding with and loving the company of women (men). CONFRONTING OUR OWN HOMOPHOBIA By: Mona Rosenberg, Women’s Center of Mid-Minnesota A Five-Stage Process for Non-Lesbians: Understanding our Process for Dealing with Homophobia I. Denial Homosexual, lesbian, gay lifestyles are sinful, wrong, against the law, deviant, child molesters. One ignores it, pretends it doesn’t exist, hides it, condemns it. Attitudes and behavior are ruled by fear, only see gays and lesbians as sexual (deviant) beings. No recognition of “them” as people in any other context. Language used: queer, lezzie, dyke, faggot. Derogatory meanings. We were raised to believe everyone fits a certain lifestyle. heterosexual. Any other lifestyle is wrong, not normal, sick. II. Awareness Acknowledge homosexuals, lesbians, gays, but keep your distance. “I don’t care what they do.” “It doesn’t bother me who they sleep with.” “As long as they leave me alone.” That lifestyle is being 97 “Gays are okay as long as they aren’t blatant.” Assumptions may or may not be verbalized. Overall feeling of “It’s okay, but…” – still focused on sexual behavior of (those) people almost exclusively. Language used: homosexual, sometimes gay. Acknowledging means looking at our denial. It is a hard process to begin. It involves the painful process of self-evaluation. If we aren’t okay with ourselves, we can’t be okay with someone else. Permission is given to go back and forth between denying and looking at other lifestyles. Education Beginning of self-education. Using reading materials, asking questions. Still views lesbians/ gays as a primarily sexual issue. Heterosexual woman identifying herself as lesbian. Exploring imagery as a way to learn, i.e., visualizing yourself as lesbian. Stop assumptions/ myths and stereotypes. Understanding ones own sexuality before assuming you can work toward understanding others. Language used: gay. Sometimes will use lesbian. As we begin the process, it is very possible, even probable, that, we may again find ourselves back in process I or II. Homophobia is not something we “cure.” We deal with homophobia all the time. It requires a lot of work educating ourselves and looking at why we have the beliefs we have. IV. Basic Understanding Begin to recognize differences in lifestyle/culture of lesbians vs. non-lesbians. Views toward total lifestyle rather than a primary sexual issue. Non-lesbians do not have a “right” way of living. Awareness of lesbian issues. Understand what heterosexual privilege is. Language used: distinguishes between gay and lesbian, rarely, if ever uses the term “homosexual.” Again, do not feel discouraged if you find yourself wondering, “If they just found the right man.” We have been raised to believe heterosexual is the “right” way. We need to give ourselves permission to use this process over and over again. It takes time to undo falsehoods. Uniting Celebrating differences. Growing. Recognizing lesbian/gay as a unified way of life. Self-education continues, one begins to work on education of others. Works on issues of homophobia in the world around us, i.e., home, workplace. Use one’s heterosexual privilege to advocate for gays and lesbians. Language used: gay, lesbian, sisters. A Commentary on Religious Issues in Family Violence Adapted from a commentary on Religious Issues in Family Violence By: Rev. Marie M. Fortune Ordained minister in the United Church of Christ And Director of the Center for the Prevention of Sexual and Domestic Violence Substantial contributions were made by Judith Hertz, of the National Federation of Temple Sisterhood III. V. 98 The Importance of Religious Issues: Roadblocks or Resources? The crisis of family violence effects people physically, psychologically, and spiritually. Each of these dimensions must be addressed, both for victims and for those in the family who abuse them. Approached from either a secular or religious perspective alone, certain needs and issues tend to be disregarded. This reflects a serious lack of understanding of the nature of family violence and its impact on people’s lives. Treatment of families experiencing violence and abuse requires integrating the needs of the whole person. Thus, the importance of developing a shared understanding and cooperation between secular and religious helpers to deal with family violence cannot be emphasized too strongly. Occasionally, a social worker, psychotherapist, or other secular service provider will wonder, “Why bother with religious concerns at all?” The answer is a very practical one: religious issues or concerns which surface for people in the midst of crisis are primary issues. If not addressed in some way, at some point, they will inevitably become roadblocks to the client’s efforts to resolve the crisis and move on with her/his life. In addition, a person’s religious beliefs and community of faith (church or synagogue) can provide a primary support system for an individual and her/his family in the midst of an experience of family violence. For a pastor, priest, rabbi, lay counselor or other person approaching family violence from a religious perspective, there is little question about the relevance of religious concerns; these are primary for any religious person. Rather, they may doubt the importance of dealing with concerns for shelter, safety, intervention and treatment. “These people just need to get right with God and everything will be fine.” This perspective overlooks the fact that these other issues are practical and important as well. Family violence is complex and potentially lethal; these seemingly mundane concerns represent immediate and critical needs. When confronted with a personal experience of family violence, like any other crisis, whether chronic or sudden, most people also experience a crisis of meaning in their lives. Very basic life questions arise and are usually expressed in religious and/or philosophical terms. Questions like, “Why is this happening to me and my family?” or “Why did God let this happen?” or “What meaning does this have for my life?” are all indications of people’s efforts to understand, to make sense out of experiences of suffering and to place the experiences in a context of meaning for their lives. These questions are to be seen as a healthy sign because they represent an effort to comprehend and contextualize the experience of family violence, and thereby regain some control over their lives in the midst of crisis. Thus for many individuals and families in crisis, the questions of meaning will be expressed in religious terms, and more specifically, in terms of the Jewish or Christian traditions, since the vast majority of people in the U.S. today grew up with some association with these traditions. Many continue as adults to be involved with a church or synagogue. In addition, Jewish and Christian values overlap with cultural values of the majority of American culture, so many Americans carry a set of cultural values, consciously or unconsciously, which are primarily Jewish or Christian in nature.20 Religious concerns can become roadblocks or resources for those dealing with experiences of family violence because these concerns are central to many people’s lives. The outcome depends on how they are handled. 20 The discussion of religious issues included here reflects a Jewish and Christian perspective due to the background and experience of the authors and contributors. Although there are other religious traditions also present in the pluralistic American culture, the focus of this dissertation is limited by the authors’ perspectives and experiences. 99 The misinterpretation and misuse of the Jewish and Christian traditions have often had a detrimental effect on families, particularly those dealing with family violence. Misinterpretation of the traditions can contribute substantially to the guilt, self-blame, and suffering which victims experience and to the rationalizations often used by those who abuse. “But the Bible says…” is frequently used to explain, excuse, or justify abuse between family members. This need not be the case. Re-examining and analyzing those Biblical references which have been misused can lead to reclaiming the traditions in a way which supports victims and those who abuse, while clearly confronting and challenging abuse in the family. A careful study of both Jewish and Christian scriptures makes it very clear that it is not possible to sue scripture to justify abuse of persons in the family. However, it is also clear that it is possible to misuse scripture and other traditional religious literature for this purpose. This is a frequent practice (see below). Attempting to teach that there are very simple answers to the very complex issues which people face in their lives is another potential roadblock within contemporary teachings of some Jewish or Christian groups. Thus, religious groups have often not adequately prepared people for the traumas which they will face at some point in their lives: illness, death, abuse, divorce, and so forth. “Keep the commandments and everything will be fine.” “Keep praying.” “Pray harder.” “Just accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior and you will be healthy, prosperous, popular, and happy.” “Go to services each week.” While these teachings may be fundamental teachings of religious faith, alone they are inadequate to deal with the complexity of most experiences of human suffering like family violence. When offered as simple and complete answers to life’s questions, they create in the hearer an illusion of simplicity that leaves the hearer vulnerable to becoming overwhelmed by an experience of suffering. In addition, the teachings set up a dynamic that blames the victims for their suffering. “If you are a good Christian or a good Jew, God will treat you kindly, or take care of you, or make you prosper as a reward for your goodness.” “If you suffer, it is a sign that you must not be a good a Christian or a good Jew and God is displeased with you.” If one accepts this simple formula (which makes a theological assumption that God’s love is conditional), then when one experiences any form of suffering, one feels punished or abandoned by God. The simple answer alone cannot hold up in the face of personal or familial suffering. When people attempt to utilize the simple answer and it is insufficient, they feel that their faith has failed them or that God has abandoned them. In fact, it may be the teachings or actions of their particular congregation or denomination that have been inadequate to their needs. Thus they may be feeling abandoned. The religious teachings of the Jewish and Christian traditions are adequate to address the experiences of contemporary when the traditions acknowledge the complexity, the paradox, and sometimes the incomprehensible nature of those experiences. The most important resource which the church or synagogue can provide is to be available to support those who are suffering, to be a sign of God’s presence, and to be willing to struggle with the questions which the experiences may raise. Offering sweet words of advice to “solve” life’s problems reduces the experience of the one who suffers to a mere slogan and denies the depth of the pain and the potential for healing and new life. Cooperative Roles for Secular Counselor, Minister, Priest and Rabbi 100 The secular counselor and the minister, priest or rabbi all have important roles to play in response to family violence. Families in which there is abuse need the support and expertise of both in times of crisis. Sometimes the efforts of the two will come into conflict, as illustrated by the following situation: We received a call at the Center from a local shelter for abused women. The shelter worker indicated that she had a badly beaten woman there whose minister had told her to go back home to her husband. The worker asked us to call the minister and “straighten him out.” Ten minutes later we received a call from the minister. He said that the shelter had one of his parishioners there and the shelter worker had told her to get a divorce. He asked us to call the shelter and “straighten them out.” In the above case, both the shelter worker and the minister had the best interests of the victim in mind. Yet they were clearly at odds with each other because they did not understand the other’s concerns which related to the needs of the victim. The shelter worker did not understand the minister’s concern for maintaining the family and the minister did not understand that the woman’s life was in danger. We arranged for the minister and the shelter worker to talk directly with each other, sharing their concerns in order to seek a solution in the best interest of the victim. This was accomplished successfully. The need for cooperation and communication between counselors and ministers or rabbis is clear so that the needs of parishioners/congregants/clients are best served and the resources of both religious and secular helpers are utilized effectively. Role of the Secular Counselor. In the secular setting, a social worker or mental health provider may encounter a victim or abuser who raises religious questions or concerns. When this occurs, the following guidelines are helpful:  Pay attention to religious questions/comments/references.  Affirm these concerns as appropriate and check out their importance for the client.  Having identified and affirmed this area of concern; if you are uncomfortable with it yourself or feel unqualified to pursue it, refer to a pastor/priest/rabbi who is trained to help and whom you know and trust.  If you are uncomfortable and would like to pursue the concern, do so, emphasizing the way in which the client’s religious tradition can be a resource for her/him and can in no way be used to justify or allow abuse or violence to continue in the family. (See below). Role of Clergy. The minister/priest/rabbi can most effectively help family abuse victims and offenders by cooperating with secular resources. Combined, these provide a balanced approach, which deals with specific external, physical, and emotional needs while addressing the larger religious and philosophical issues. When approached about family violence, the minister/priest/rabbi can use the following guidelines:  Be aware of the dynamics of family violence and utilize this understanding in evaluating the situation.  Use your expertise as a religious authority and spiritual leader to illuminate the positive value of religious traditions while clarifying that they do not justify or condone family abuse. (See below).  Identify the parishioner/congregant’s immediate needs and REFER to a secular resource (if available) to deal with the specifics of abuse, intervention and treatment. 101  If you are comfortable pursuing the matter, provide additional pastoral support and encouragement to help families dealing with violence to take full advantage of available resources. Scriptural and Theological Issues Suffering. The experience of physical or psychological pain or deprivation can generally be referred to as “suffering.” When a person experiences suffering, often the first questions is, “Why am I suffering?” This is really two questions: “Why is there suffering?” and “Why me?” These are classical theological questions to which there are no totally satisfactory answers. Sometimes a person will answer these questions in terms of very specific cause-and-effect relationships: “I am being abused by my husband as punishment from God for the fact that 20 years ago, when I was 17 years old, I had sexual relations with a guy I wasn’t married to.” In this case, the victim of abuse sees her suffering as just punishment for an event which happened long ago and for which she has since felt guilty. This explanation has an almost superstitious quality. It reflects an effort on the part of the woman to make sense out of her experience of abuse by her husband. Her explanation takes the “effect” (the abuse), looks for a probable “cause” (her teenage “sin”), and directly connects the two. This conclusion is based on a set of theological assumptions which support her view: God is a stern judge who seeks retribution for her sins and God causes suffering to be inflicted on her as punishment. Unfortunately, the woman’s explanation neither focuses on the real nature of her suffering (i.e., the abuse by her husband), nor does it place responsibility for her suffering where it lies: on her abusive husband. Sometimes, people try to explain suffering by saying that it is “God’s will” or “part of God’s plan for my life” or “God’s way of teaching me a lesson.” These explanations assume God to be stern, harsh, even cruel and arbitrary. This image of God runs counter to a Bible image of a kind, merciful and loving God. The God of this Biblical teaching does not single out anyone to suffer for the sake of suffering, because suffering is not pleasing to God. A distinction between voluntary and involuntary suffering is useful at this point. Someone may choose to suffer abuse or indignity in order to accomplish a greater good. For example, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. suffered greatly in order to change what he believed to be unjust, racist laws. Although the abuse he experienced was not justifiable, he chooses voluntary suffering as a means to an end. Involuntary suffering which occurs when a person is beaten, raped or abused, especially in a family relationship, also cannot be justified but is never chosen. It may, on occasion, be endured by a victim for a number of reasons, including a belief that such endurance will eventually “change” the person is being abusive. However, this belief is unrealistic. The Psychology of Abuse Nature of the Marriage Relationship: A Jewish Perspective The Jewish marriage ceremony is known as “Kiddushin” or sanctification. Through it a couple’s relationship is sanctified or set apart before God. This sanctification reminds Jews to strive to express their holiness through marriage and the home in a covenantal relationship that is based on mutual love and respect. Judaism views marriage as necessary for fulfillment. Marriage is part of God’s plan. The first time God speaks to Adam, God says that it is not fitting that Adam should be alone. “Shalom Bayit,” peace in the home, is a major family value in Judaism. “Shalom,” which simply translated as “peace,” also signifies wholeness, completeness, fulfillment. Peace in the home, domestic harmony, encompasses the good and welfare of all the home’s inhabitants. 102 The rabbis consider domestic tranquillity as one of the most important ideals because it is the essential forerunner to peace on earth. “Peace will remain a distant vision until we do the work of peace ourselves.” If peace is to be brought into the world we must bring it first to our families and communities.”21 The concept of Shalom Bayit should not be misinterpreted as encouraging the preservation of an abusive marriage. When domestic harmony is impossible because of physical abuse, the only way for peace may be dissolution of marriage. Although marriage is viewed as permanent, divorce has always been an option according to Jewish tradition. In Judaism conjugal rights are obligatory upon the husband who must be available for his wife. “A wife my restrict her husband in his business journey to nearby places only, so that he would not otherwise deprive her of her conjugal rights. Hence he may not set out without her permission.”22 While the husband is responsible for his wife’s sexual fulfillment, the wife, in return, is expected to have sexual relations with her husband. Maimonides23 Teaches us about the relationship between husband and wife in a Jewish marriage. He asserts that if the wife refuses sexual relations with her husband… “She should be questioned as to the reason…If she says, ‘I have come to loathe him, and I cannot willingly submit to his intercourse,’ he must be compelled to divorce her immediately for she is not like a captive woman who must submit to a man that is hateful to her.”24 This suggests that no wife be expected to submit to sexual activity with a husband she fears or hates. The arena of sexual sharing for Jewish couples is one of mutual responsibility and choice. Nature of the Marriage Relationship: A Christian Perspective Christian teaching about the model of the marriage relationship has traditionally focused heavily on Paul’s letters to the Ephesians, Corinthians, and Colossians. Misinterpretations of, or misplaced emphasis, on these texts create substantial problems for many married couples. Most commonly, directives on marriage based on scripture are given to women and not to men, and state that wives must “submit” to their husbands. This often is interpreted to mean that the husband/father is the absolute head of the household and that the wife and children must obey him without question. Unfortunately, this idea has also been interpreted to mean that wives and children must submit to abuse from husbands and fathers. This rationalization is used by those who abuse, as well as by counselors, clergy, and the victims of the abuse themselves. A closer look at the actual scriptural references reveals a different picture. For example, Ephesians 5:21: “Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ.” (RSV, emphasis added) This is the first and most important verse in the Ephesians passage on marriage and also the one most often overlooked. It clearly indicates that all Christians – husbands and wives – are to be mutually subject to one another. The word that is translated “be subject to” can more appropriately be translated “defer” or “accommodate” to. 21 22 Gates of Repentance. (High Holy Days Prayer Book), Central Conference of American Rabbis, 1978, p. 67. Yad, Ishut, XIV-2. Yale Judaica Series, p. 87. 23 Maimonides was a Jewish philosopher (1135-1204) whose Mishneh Torah became a standard work of Jewish law and a major source for all subsequent codification of Jewish law. 24 Yad, Ishut XIV 8, p. 89. 103 “Wives accommodate to your husbands, as to the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:22) This teaching implies sensitivity, flexibility, and responsiveness to the husband, in no way can this verse be taken to mean that a wife must submit to abuse from her husband. “For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church, his body, and is himself its savior. As the church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands.” (Ephesians 5:23-24, RSV) The model suggested here of husband-wife relationship is based on the Christ-church relationship. It is clear from Jesus’ teaching and ministry that his relationship to his followers was not one of dominance or authoritarianism, but rather one of servanthood. For example, Jesus washed the feet of his disciples in an act of serving. He taught them that those who would be first must in fact be last. Therefore, a good husband will not dominate or control his wife but will serve and care for her, according to Ephesians. “Even so husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no man ever hates his own flesh, but nourishes it and cherishes it, as Christ does the Church, because we are members of his body.” (Ephesians 5:28-29, RSV) This instruction to husbands is very clear and concrete. A husband is to nourish and cherish his own body and that of his wife. Physical battering which occurs between spouses is probably the most blatant violation of this teaching and a clear reflection of the self-hatred in the one whom is abusive. The Marriage Covenant and Divorce. A strong belief in the permanency of the marriage vows may prevent an abused spouse from considering separation or divorce as options for dealing with family violence. For the Christian, the promise of faithfulness “for better or worse…till death do us part” is commonly taken to mean “stay in the marriage no matter what,” even though death of one or more family members is a real possibility in abusive families. Jews view marriage as permanent, but “till death do us part” is not part of the ceremony. The Jewish attitude embodies a very delicate balance. Marriage is taken very seriously. It is a primary religious obligation and should not be entered into or discarded flippantly. Nevertheless, since the days of Deuteronomy, Jewish tradition has recognized the unfortunate reality that some couples are hopelessly incompatible and divorce may be a necessary option. For some Christians, their denomination’s strong doctrinal position against divorce may inhibit them from exercising this means of dealing with family violence. For others, a position against divorce is a personal belief often supported by their family and church. In either case, there is a common assumption that any marriage is better than no marriage at all and, therefore, should be maintained at any cost. This assumption arises from a superficial view of marriage which is concerned only with appearances and not with substance. In other words, as long as marriage and family relationships maintain a façade of normalcy, there is a refusal by church and community to look any closer for fear of seeing abuse or violence in the home. The covenant of Christian marriage is a lifelong, sacred commitment made between two persons and witnessed by other persons and by God. Jews also regard marriage as sacred and intend that it be permanent. A covenant between marriage partners has the following elements:     It is made in full knowledge of the relationship. It involves a mutual giving of self to the other. It is assumed to be lasting. It values mutuality, respect, and equality between persons. A marriage covenant can be violated by one or both partners. It is common thinking in both Jewish and Christian traditions that adultery violates the marriage covenant and results in brokeness in the relationship. Likewise, violence or abuse in a marriage violates the covenant and fractures a relationship. In both cases the trust which was assumed between partners is shattered. Neither 104 partner should be expected to remain in an abusive situation. Often, one marriage partner feels a heavy obligation to remain in the relationship and do everything possible to make it work. This is most often true for women. A covenant relationship only works if both partners are able and willing to work on it. In both traditions, it is clear that God does not expect anyone to stay in a situation that is abusive (i.e., to become a doormat). In the Christian tradition, just as Jesus did not expect his disciples to remain in a village that did not respect and care for them (Luke 9:1-6), neither does he expect persons to remain in a family relationship where they are abused and violated. In Jewish literature, the expectation is also clear: “…if a man was found to be a wife beater, he had to pay on damages and provide her with separate maintenance. Failing that, the wife had valid grounds for compelling a divorce.”25 If there is a genuine effort to change on the part of the one whom is abusive, it is possible to renew the marriage covenant, including in it a clear commitment to nonviolence in the relationship. With treatment for the family members, it may be possible to salvage the relationship. If the one who is being abusive is not willing or able to change in the relationship, then the question of divorce arises. At this point in the marriage, divorce is really a matter of public statement: “Shall we make public the fact that our relationship has been broken by abuse?” The other option, of course, is to continue to pretend that the marriage is intact. (A woman reported that she divorced only a month ago but that her marriage ended ten years ago when the abuse began.) In violent homes, divorce is not breaking up families. Violence and abuse are breaking up families. Divorce is often the painful public acknowledgment of an already accomplished fact. While divorce is never easy, it is, in the case of family violence, the lesser evil, in many cases divorce may be a necessary intervention to generate healing and new life from a devastating and deadly situation. Parents and Children. “Honor your Father and your Mother” is one of the Ten Commandments taught to all Jewish and Christian children. Unfortunately, some parents misuse this teaching in order to demand unquestioning obedience from their children. In a hierarchical, authoritarian household, a father (or mother) may misuse his/her parental authority to coerce a child into abusive sexual activity (incest). Parents may use this commandment to rationalize their physical abuse of a child in retaliation for a child’s lack of obedience. For Christians, the meaning of the third commandment is made very clear in Ephesians: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother’ (this is the first commandment with a promise) ‘that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth.’ Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:1-4, RSV) Children’s obedience to their parents is to be “in the Lord;” it is not to be blind and unquestioning. In addition to instructions to children, instructions are also given to parents to guide and instruct their children in Christian values, i.e., love, mercy, compassion, and justice. Any discipline of a child must be for the child’s best interest. The caution to the father not to provoke the child to anger is most appropriate. If there is anything that will certainly provoke a child to anger, it is physical or sexual abuse by a parent. Jewish tradition deals with the same concern, making a distinction between children based on maturity. Even though Jewish law gives great authority to the father in relationship to the children, the requirement for restraint is clearly indicated. Again, the priority is on the welfare of the child. The other scriptural injunction that is commonly used to justify abusive discipline of children, is the Proverb, “spare the rod and spoil the child.” This proverb is commonly interpreted to mean that if a parent does not use corporal punishment on a child, the child will become a spoiled brat. This is a good example of a misinterpretation based on a contemporary understanding. In fact, the image 25 Maurice Lamm, Jewish Ways in Love and Marriage, p. 157. 105 referred to in this proverb is probably that of shepherd and the rod is the shepherd’s staff (see Psalm 23:4, “thy rod and thy staff shall comfort me”). A shepherd uses his staff to guide the sheep where they should go. The staff is not used as a cudgel. With this image of the shepherd guiding the sheep in mind, it is certainly clear that children need guidance and discipline from parents and other caring adults to grow to maturity. Children do not need to be physically beaten to receive guidance or discipline. Beating children as discipline teaches them very early that it is all right to hit those you love for their own good. This kind of lesson fosters early training for persons who grow up and subsequently physically abuse their spouses and children. Confession and Forgiveness. The need to admit wrongdoing experienced by an abusive family member is a healthy sign that he/she is no longer denying the problem but is ready and willing to face it. The offender may seek out a minister or rabbi for the purpose of confessing. Sometimes, however, an abusive father confesses, asks forgiveness, and promises never to sexually approach his daughter again, or a mother swears never to hit her child in anger again. The minister/rabbi is then put in a position of assuring forgiveness and evaluating the strength of the person’s promise not to abuse again. While the abuser may be genuinely contrite, she/he is seldom able to end the abuse without assistance and treatment. The minister/rabbi needs to assure the person of God’s forgiveness and must confront the person with the fact that he/she needs additional help in order to stop the abuse. For some people, a strong word from a minister/rabbi at this point is an effective deterrent: “The abuse must stop now.” Sometimes this strong directive can provide an external framework for beginning to change the abusive behavior. For the Jew, the Hebrew term “teshuvah” is the word for repentance. “Teshuvah” literally means “return,” clearly denoting a return to God after sin. In Judaism there is a distinction between sins against God and sins against people. For the former only regret or confession is necessary. For sins against people, “teshuvah” requires three steps: first, admission of wrongdoing; second, asking for forgiveness of the person wronged (here abused); third, reconciliation which can be accomplished only by a change in behavior. The issue of forgiveness also arises for victims of abuse. A friend or family member may pressure the victim: “You should forgive him. He said he was sorry.” Or it may arise internally: “I wish I could forgive him…” In either case, the victim feels guilty for not being able to forgive the abuser. In these cases, often forgiveness is interpreted to mean to forget or pretend the abuse never happened. Neither is possible. The abuse will never be forgotten it becomes a part of the victim’s history. Forgiveness is a matter of the victim’s being able to say the she/he will no longer allow the experience to dominate her/his life – and will let go of it and move on. This is usually possible if there is some sense of justice in the situation, officially (through the legal system) or unofficially. Forgiveness by the victim is possible when there is repentance on the part of the abuser, and real repentance means a change in the abuser’s behavior. Another issue is timing. Too often the minister/priest/rabbi or counselor’s need for the victim to finish and resolve the abusive experience leads him/her to push a victim to forgive the abuser. Forgiveness in this case is seen as a means to hurry the victim’s healing process along. Victims will move to forgive at their own pace and cannot be pushed by others’ expectations of them. It may take years before they are ready to forgive; their timing needs to be respected. They will forgive when they are ready. Then the forgiveness becomes the final stage of letting go and enables them to move on with their lives. CONCLUSION This commentary addresses some of the common religious concerns raised by people dealing with family violence. It is an attempt to help the reader begin to see ways of converting potential roadblocks into valuable resources for those dealing with violence in their families. 106 Personal faith for a religious person can provide much needed strength and courage to face a very painful situation and make changes in it. Churches and synagogues can provide a much-needed network of community support for victims, abusers, and their children. It is clearly necessary for those involved in Jewish and Christian congregations and institutions to begin to address these concerns directly. In ignorance and oversight, we do much harm. In awareness and action, we can contribute a critical element to the efforts to respond to family violence in our communities. The Psychology of Abuse In addition to sexist and racist attitudes within the general society, an abused black woman has to deal with the complexity of her position within the black community. Understanding the special pressures on you and coming to grips with the sources of your joy and pain can put your relationship with an abusive partner in better perspective. This insight can help you to celebrate and protect black traditions that truly enrich you and to challenge those that contribute to your abuse. IMAGES AND EXPECTATIONS OF BLACK WOMEN In 1928, black American writer and folklorist Zora Neale Hurston wrote an essay, “How it Feels to be Colored Me.” Today, more than sixty years later, her words are still very much needed to help black women overcome the destructive images and unrealistic expectations that contribute to our physical and emotional abuse. The image of black women as long-suffering victims can keep them passive and confused about the abuse in their lives. The often-repeated response that black women are honored within their communities is far too simplistic. It does not address the reality of the many hardships that go along with being black and female. For instance, according to the…FBI statistics, black women are at greater risk of being raped than any other group; over half of black women raise their children alone; they suffer job discrimination. They have been “honored” to endure these and other burdens that have often kept them from participating fully in life. And they have done so, not because they like being burdened, but because sexist and racist social systems have frequently given them little choice. The Tyranny of Color All black people have, in fact, been damaged by the impact of color in this culture. A white Christmas or white-collar jobs are considered good and positive things whereas to be blacklisted, blackmailed, or called the “black sheep of the family” have always had negative connotations. Although it may appear unimportant now that they are supposed to have achieved black pride, these images are constantly affirmed and reinforced within society. They have caused some black men, and indeed some black women to believe that white people, and therefore white women, are “better” and more desirable than black women. Alice Walker writes in her essay “The Civil Rights Movement: What Good Was It?”: My mother, a truly great woman who raised eight children of her own and half a dozen of the neighbors’ without a single complaint, was convinced that she did not exist compared to “them.” She subordinated her soul to theirs and became a faithful and timid supporter of the “Beautiful White People.” Once she asked me, in a moment of vicarious pride and despair, if I didn’t think “they” were “jest naturally smarter, prettier, better.” These stereotypes about black women contribute to the confusion, inferiority and insecurity that you already feel because of the abuse in your life. These negative and often conflicting images may make you wonder who you really are and what is really expected of you from your partner and society. 107 Talking about the pressures with other black women can help you to define your identify and eliminate the many myths and stereotypes about black women. Make a list of all the black women you identify with and evaluate the parts of them you see in yourself. Likewise make a list of all the black women you do not like and look at what you find unappealing or threatening about them. If you could be any black women in the world, whom would you choose to be? Think about whether your choice is based on this woman’s real contributions in enhancing the image and achievements or black women and black people, or if you’d like to be her because she is accepted by society and longed for by the average black man. Violence and the American Indian Woman By: Paula Gunn Allen The religious community could make a real move toward the eradication of violence among Native Americans by following the lead of the traditional priests and holy people; they could counsel peace and love and make it very clear that violence is not an acceptable form of self expression nor is it consistent with the traditions of the tribes throughout most of this continent. Paula Gunn Allen Laguna Pueblo, Sioux I. The primary model for racism in the United States is found in the dynamics of Indian hating. Indian hating is often subtle, but its subtlety is securely based on a foundation of conquest and colonization that is carefully cloaked in a variety of false characterizations of Indian people as savage, heathen, woman-hating, impoverished, primitive, simple-minded, drunken, murderous, childish, and weak. Paradoxically, the white model for woman hating is the same image, for Americans always look to Indians to give authority to their own actions. Thus, Indian men are depicted as having nothing but contempt for Indian women, who are called “squaws” and seen as “beasts of burden.” Whites imagine that Indian men experienced women as less than chattel, less even, than slaves, though records showed otherwise on many occasions. It was to the advantage of white men to mislead white women, and themselves, into believing that their treatment of women was superior to the treatment by the men of the group that they considered savage. Had white women discovered that all women were not mistreated, they might have been intolerant of their men’s abusiveness. White ideas about how Indians experience women are fabrications, complex projections of the white male supremacist paradigm onto people who, historically, were not supremacist; however, these ideas have become embedded in the minds and hearts of Americans. Everyone believes them. Even American Indians, who make serious efforts to deny the power of the images created about them, have taken these ideas to heart. One result is the increase of violence against Native American women and children. The violence is not only directed by men against women, but by women against themselves, other women and children. Suicide, alcoholism, child abuse and neglect – all are part of this terrible escalation of violence in Indian country as Native Americans take on the qualities ascribed to them for centuries by the society around them. These images have always been perpetuated in the media, notably in movies and on television in this era and previously on radio and in dime novels, plays, literary works, stories, and poetry. Seldom is this misrepresentation of American Indians questioned when it appears in its culturally justified forms, and the misrepresentation of Indian women, their roles and status in the traditional cultures, and of men’s treatment of them in those cultures is never questioned. The false information presented conveys several ideas, all of which are inaccurate in both the moral and factual sense. The effect of anti-Indian propaganda is two-fold: first, it affects the non-Indian community in ways that are experienced by every person of color, by every person who lives in economic circumstances that are less than middle class, by most of the aged, by most children, and by every female in society. The effects manifest themselves in overt and subtle racism, sexism, agesim, and elitism. Second, anti-Indian propaganda has engendered severely lowered self-esteem among Indian peoples as a 108 group and this is reflected in child and wife abuse, alcoholism, suicide, homicide, demoralization, poverty, grandiosity, depression, and anomie. II. Media images of Native Americans are reinforced by political, cultural, and. social institutions. These images are of two general characterizations: the “noble savage” and the “hostile savage.” In contemporary terms, the noble savage has become the savior of the land and animals, a kind of Neolithic first ecologist who is portrayed as the voice of wisdom and of the earth, the upholder of ancient values, and the source of authority for whatever Americans want to do. Presidents always have a “White House Indian,” and until very recently, have inevitably had at least one picture taken standing beside a be-feathered “chief.” Cultural movements usually have a “movement Indian” whose presence lends credibility and nobility to their efforts. Both of these uses of Native Americans are cynical, and the “friendship” is generally contingent on the Indian’s usefulness to the cause. The hostile savage, in contemporary terms, is an alcoholic and a ne’er-do-well who is unemployed, impoverished, and living in squalor either on or off the reservation. The model for public reaction to poverty-stricken Native Americans was carefully drawn in early American literature and entertainment. The “howling savage,” so dear to the hearts of movie makers, writers like James Fenimore Cooper, Mark Twain, and countless others, is still seen in B-grade movies; the image’s effect is incalculable. This is the Indian who, contrary to the testimony of historical documentation and Native American oral history, is forever massacring helpless, peaceable white folks who are only trying to civilize the country. This image led to the slaughter of millions of human beings. Because these images are held by most Americans – mostly in their unconscious – writing about violence against Indian women by Indian men is frightening and dangerous to Indian people; it is dangerous to say anything that can be used to perpetuate negative beliefs. Working With Asian-Pacific Islander Women Information excerpted from SCCBW The following information is excerpted from a chapter in Women in the Shadows, a book by Om, Orawa, Okamura, and Forrest. This book was written for mainstream social service providers who come in contact with Asian and Pacific Island women battered by their American husbands. Since it was written for social service agency personnel, it reflects the biases of that group toward battered women – e.g., the necessity for a “professional relationship” between the “client” (battered women) and the “professional worker” as well as the propensity for gathering large amounts of background data from battered women prior to the provision of assistance. There is a belief but disturbing note at the end of Asian-Pacific Island women by their American mates lie in the women themselves – in their inability to “adjust” to American life and their loneliness and isolation here in the States. We reject the notion that women are responsible for being battered. The authors also recommend “some sort of therapy” for men who batter to assist them in “overcoming their difficulties in relating to others.” However, the information presented by the authors about the cultural considerations of Asian-Pacific Island women should be valuable to shelter workers who come in contact with women of this ethnic/cultural group. During crisis it has been observed that cultural and family –patterned responses become prominent. A person in crisis tends to revert to the behavior and speech patterns of earlier times when mastery of her/his life situation was possible. In the case of the Asian-Pacific Islander (API) person, this means that she may respond to battering by reverting back to her home language and to coping strategies learned in her family and society. Thus, the helping person must be sensitive and knowledgeable about the culturally based crisis response patterns of API clients. It is important to point out that there are differences among different groups of API wives. Nationality, language, and cultural differences are the most obvious ones. However, even among 109 women of the same ethnic group, the degree of acculturation, availability of support systems, personal strength, and coping skills vary greatly. Some of these variations relate to the individual’s age, educational level, paid work experience, and location of residence. Further, these variables are affected by the quality of the marital relationship. For instance, the tradition boundness of an API woman is affected by her age, i.e., the younger the woman, the less tradition bound she might be. Also, consider the availability of support systems and the social life of an API wife who lives near an ethnic enclave where contact with her own ethnic community is frequent. The settlement history and the organizations and resources of API-American communities vary significantly from group to group. Equally important is their attitude toward inter-married API women, which ranges from hostile antagonism to permissive acceptance. The API-wife’s access to ethnic community resources is great influenced by these community attitudes. The following is based on the assumption that trained API helpers would not be readily available for battered API women and, therefore, that non-API persons would be the primary source of help and resources for these women. ♦ Identification of the client’s ethnic background and the language used must be obtained. An allout effort should be made to contact a person who can serve as an interpreter and as a consultant to the service provider. The client will feel much more secure if such an ethnic person can be with her during the crisis. Ethnic services, ethnic organizations, or identified informal helpers are good resources to turn to, but caution must be used to screen interpreter candidates for their bias and prejudice against inter-married women and against battered women. Further, their competency in English should be assessed. Appropriate use of an interpreter and a consultant from the ethnic community will be discussed later. ♦ Identifying and contacting friends or persons with whom the client has a reasonable level of trust is extremely helpful, even though such persons may not be proficient in the client’s language. The people will allay with the client’s fears and serve as an important bridge for a client in using the services of the agency. In the API woman’s home country, community supported service agencies are almost nonexistent. Assistance and help with personal problems were sought from a network of family members or close friends. Therefore, the API client has no previous experience to help her comprehend the purpose, function, and services of community agencies. If the police were involved in bringing the client to an agency, one can expect her to be extremely fearful of the agency because she sees it as an extension of the police. In her home country, thepolice are more often feared than viewed as helpful. Therefore, she will not feel free to share needed information with you. Especially after the battering received from her American husband, trusting another American is not easy. ♦ Use simple English and speak slowly (not loudly), using gestures and pointing to objects to get the message across. ♦ Explain agency policy, rules, and regulations for giving and receiving help, in other words, what can and cannot be provided, and why. Explain what services must be provided by other agencies. This information needs to be repeated until she understands it clearly. The explanation should be made in the context of her immediate situation. It is important to remember that she has no experiential basis to comprehend the service organization, its structure, and operation. ♦ Assure her that receiving services from the agency in no way jeopardizes her status as an immigrant, or as a citizen, if she is a naturalized U.S. citizen. Such assurance is extremely important because her husband has more than likely threatened her with deportation as a means of controlling her behavior and imposing his will. ♦ Information about her legal rights and responsibilities should be provided, protection of her and the children’s personal safety, the legal process involved in separation, divorce, child custody, and property settlement – all of these are sorely needed pieces of information that are usually not 110 available or are not explained in a way the client can understand. Thus, simple and basic explanations of her rights and responsibilities as a wife and a mother should be given. She should also be told of legal and other community resources she could use in a future crisis, should one occur. One of the more pleasant ways to bridge the cultural gap and comfort the client is to help her shop and prepare ethnic food. Although this may seem like asmall and insignificant act, it has a powerful reassurance value. Such an act communicates the helper’s sensitivity to the loneliness and fear and the helpers wish to allay this fear by giving the client something that feels and tastes like “home.” If an ethnic grocery store is not available, rice and soy sauce is sufficient to make her feel a little closer to home. A chance to prepare ethnic food also gives the client the opportunity to demonstrate her skills as an adult. Violence in the Lives of Latina Women By: Angela Ginorio and Jane Reno Published facts and statistics about violence in the lives of Latina women are difficult to find. An examination of standard professional literature, government reports, and recent publications confirms this opinion. A recent literature search of publications in psychology and sociology for the past three years yielded only three references on Hispanics and violence. (Hamilton, 1981; Jacques, 1982; and Meza-Lehman, 1983); only one was directly related to violence in women’s lives (Jacques 1982). With the exception of rape, official government reports provide little information that includes Latinas and most publications that address the issue of violence in women’s lives do not mention women of color beyond the perfunctory disclaimer that results discussed may not apply to them. (Exceptions to this general rule are: Katz & Mazur’s Understanding the Rape Victim, 1979). This absence of information about Latina women reflects the triple burden of discrimination under which we function in this society; ignored by men because we are women, ignored by white women because we are women of color, and ignored by the English-speaking because so often we can only speak in Spanish or Portuguese. As social scientists and practitioners we have experienced this lack of written information before and have made the study of Latina women’s issues a main focus of concern. At such times our own experiences become facts – limited, individualized, incomplete, but still facts; facts rooted in our experiences as Latina women, as women of color in a racist society, as social researchers and counselors working with women. These facts are also shaped by the collective and individual cumulative adaptations that Latina women in the U. S. have made to the culture of origin (the impact of Spanish/Portuguese colonization) and to the U.S. society. Before we could begin to tackle the enormous task before us we had to rid ourselves of the universal burden that comes from the desire not to see that which is painful or that which there is no framework outside of “that’s the way things are.” In 1971 two Puerto Rican women lawyers wrote a 500-page report about women’s rights in Puerto Rico in which the only aspect of violence in women’s lives mentioned is compulsory sterilization – and that only in the bibliography. There are also the many students of the Hispanic timidly alluding to the potential abusive manifestations of this trait with regard to the children while carefully avoiding any mention of the most logical result of that with regard to the wife. (Brameld, 1959.) Helen Keller once said: “The worst thing is to be born sighted but to lack vision.” We were not born with the vision to see the violence around us; and once we saw it – there was always the inconsiderate neighbor or uncle who beat his wife publicly or too brutally – we did not have a framework that allowed us to place those instances within the realm of the right of women to live without violence. Women who were outspoken in the defense of other women’s rights were the exception in an environment where women – in spite of the biblical injunction, “Esposa te doy y no esciava” (“A wife I give you and not a slave”) – were seen as responsible for fulfilling all of men’s wishes. Our inability to place the abuse of women within the realm of violence stems from the patriarchal system under which we live. As in other traditional agricultural societies, family solidarity, subordination of 111 women and respect for elders created a structure where large and extended families lived under patriarchal authority. Under the patterns in the family around the dimensions of respect and obedience to elders and male dominance (Rubel, 1966). Paternalism was the prevailing attitude towards women. Women were regarded as irrational creatures who needed the strong discipline of more rational man…who being born before woman was consequently more noble than she (Coronel, 1887). Women’s subordination was believed to be confirmed by natural and biblical law. After decades of mixture of indigenous, Spanish/Portuguese, and in some regions of African cultures, a prescriptive set of roles developed for each gender coded under the terms machismo and marianismo. Machismo is found in all cultures populated by Iberians and their descendants and refers to that constellation of behaviors that defines a man. The machismo concept has been given prominence in the literature as an almost exclusively Mexican phenomenon largely through the writings of Octavio Paz and the Mexican psychiatrist, Diaz Guerrero and as mainly a sexual phenomenon due to the misunderstanding of those researchers who brought the concept to the attention of U.S. readers. Fitzpatrick (1971) describes machismo more accurately when he says: “Machismo is a style of personal daring…by which one faces challenge, danger, and threat with calmness and self-possession; this sometimes takes the form of bravado. It is also a quality of personal magnetism which influences others…it is associated with sexual prowess…” (pg. 91). While the male role was defined in secular terms, the female role was closely tied to the values and traditions of the Catholic Church. As females, the models presented to us were accepting, silent and constantly responsive to other’s needs. We were told we were morally superior to and represent him by our presence in the church and by our exemplary behavior. Any misbehavior by any family members reflects on the honor, pride and prestige of the male. While the sexual component of the masculine sex role encouraged sexual experiences as part of any normal man’s entitlement, the sexual component of the feminine counterpart discouraged it and limited it to an adjunct of maternity. Given the emphasis on the Virgin Mary, mother of God, as a model, the only acceptable reason for non-virginity was motherhood with no mention of sexual enjoyment. Childless non-virgins were objects of pity if married and of scorn if unmarried. Within this context, the violence of a woman’s rape is compounded by the guilt and shame she experiences; in the case of unmarried women because she is no longer a virgin and in the case of married women because she has been “used” by a man other than her husband. The forms of address used for women emphasize virginity rather than marital status; if it is known that an unmarried woman is not a virgin she will be denied the title of senorita and she will not be granted that of senora. The set of beliefs that make the ideal of marianismo possible flow directly from the traditional doctrine of the Catholic Church. Because for so many women the Church has been the only avenue for participation and expression outside of the family, we have looked to the Church for leadership and support to help in establishing our identity as women. However, our moral and religious beliefs have often reinforced passivity and acceptance of male domination. The religious stance on sexuality, rape, abortion and birth control has not made it possible to openly and frankly confront these issues so central to women’s lives – neither in the privacy of the family nor in the public forum of society. Although at least nominally, the vast majority of the population in Latin America (80-90 percent) is baptized Catholic, there is a long tradition of anticlericalism among men and a diversity of other religious practices. Those practices include traditional Protestantism, revivalist Protestantism churches, spiritualism centers, santeria (especially among the people from the Caribbean Basin), curanderismo (mostly among Mexicans), and other indigenous belief systems. The prescribed role for women in Protestant churches followed closely the cultural prescriptions although women were common among the clergy of the revivalist Protestant churches (often associated with closer class membership). About 90 percent of the “mediums” in spiritualist centers are women, but not enough is known by the authors about their practices beyond the realm of belief to ascertain the impact this has on the prescriptions for women’s lives. The impact of religion in the lives of Hispanics is probably as affected as language, food preference and other important aspects of their lives by their residence in the U.S. There is some evidence that practice diminishes and religious affiliation often changes (Ginorio, 1979). 112 It has been our observation that the reaction of Latina victims of violence in the Seattle area is consistent with their cultural heritage and the value systems associated with it. Seattle’s Hispanic diversity is well represented by the over 100 victims to whom outreach, counseling assistance and referral services have been provided over a two-year period. They have included fourth and fifthgeneration Chicanas, Spanish-Americans, Salvadorans, Mexicans, Brazilians, Argentineans, and Puerto Ricans. In terms of acculturation and bilingualism, they have ranged from monolingual in English and Spanish to fluent bilingualism; from the highly acculturated and assimilated woman to recent arrivals with little or no coping skills. The following observations are made in reference to our experience with Hispanic women: Violence is a term that carries many definitions. The question of how the Latina woman has experienced violence my be answered in several ways: as members of an ethnic minority Latina women suffer a triple oppression: sexism as women, racism as Latinas, and often classism as poor. Violence often stems from the hopelessness and desperation of the poor and can be seen as symptomatic of our society. The conditions of poverty result in stress and crises associated with abuse.  Within the culture, marriage is often motivated by economic need. (Marriage then becomes a form of abuse in which a woman sells her body for food and shelter.) A little publicized factor related to this is the incidence of majority males married to Latina women. Women lacking English language skills may be placed in virtual slavery and exploitation if they are in the U.S. alone.  Institutional violence is socially accepted. Latina women are used as subjects for birth control devices and medication. This type of violence must be recognized and eradicated.  In the move towards dealing with the problem of abuse, reference is made to the cultural aspects of abuse. If this is not merely a euphemism for race, it is imperative to modify our present systems to be more responsive to those who differ from the mainstream. The application of models foreign to the Latin America reality (such as undiluted psychoanalysis) results in explanations of personality, gender roles (marianismo and machismo), and family dynamics in pathology terms that equate difference to inferiority, irresponsibility, and ineptitude.  A primary concern is that of under-reporting. Failure to report to majority agencies has resulted in limitations of statistical data. Gathering factual data must be a priority if the true extent of the problem of violence is to be addressed. Hispanics do not turn to majority services for many reasons, many of these not culturally related. The ambivalence toward “the system” is partly due to a belief that reporting abuse may be more harmful than the abuse itself. This harm may stem not only from the negative or indifferent response that has been reported for the police but also because of styles of interaction that find the standard modes of intervention offensive or intrusive. Explicit questions by the police or advocates may be considered too forward. Peterson Professional Alliance ©  For the fear of bringing shame upon the family, private violence is often treated as an internal problem to be dealt with in the confines of the family. But the cultural values of modesty, respect and indirectness in communication discourage women from openly raising their concerns even in that intimate circle. Therefore, assessments of needs should not be based solely on official reports. Although data consistently shows that the majority of women seek shelter with greater frequency than Hispanics. Consejo, a Seattle local agency serving Hispanics, received an average of five to seven requests for assistance per month during a pilot period. Referrals came from ethnic networks or by word of mouth rather than from professional sources. A similar observation has been made by service providers in Hartford, Connecticut among a population of 113 Puerto Ricans and Dominicans where in cases of rape Hispanics were more likely to report to informal, community-based agencies rather than to a citywide rape service or the police. (Duncan)  Existing shelters evolved in a manner that excluded sensitivity to the needs of women of color. Historically, minority women played no role in the establishment of existing facilities. This precludes a high rate of minority participation, since few directors, volunteers or staffs are either ethnic or familiar with the language, customs and culture of Hispanic women.  A very important aspect of culture that must be considered when interacting with Latin Americans is the language and the communication style. Despite proficiency in English, in oral communication there may be differences in expressive style in voice, intonation, gestures and the unspoken body language that is unique to each region. Likewise, it must not be assumed that speaking English necessarily means proficiency in reading or the reverse. Explaining the concepts of advocacy, victim assistance, the law and court processes, may be a difficult task even for the Spanish speaker if there is no understanding of the subtleties of the culture. While the use of interpreters is commendable it must not be forgotten that the introduction of a third party into a sensitive conversation will influence the communication process beyond the practical impact of technical concerns such as competency levels of the translator. The message will be diluted three times before a response is attained. Equally important when dealing with issues of victimization, a woman may be reluctant to expose intimate and shameful details via a second party. Mere translations to English make no adaptation for the diverse regional differences in expression represented within the Spanish speaking groups – in other words, Spanish is not necessarily just Spanish. There is one last point we would like to make. Although many Anglos see us as one unified group, Latinos in the United States are as diverse as the color of their skins, the countries they come from, the accents of the language, their political affiliations, their socioeconomic classes, and their gender. To that native diversity must be added, the diversity that comes from their situation in the United States: First-, second-, or nth-generation, living in the large Latino metropolis of Miami, New York City, Los Angeles or in the relative isolation of Dubuque, Iowa. We speak out of our own experience as Latina women but we do not speak for (all) Latina women because – to paraphrase Adenauer, although we all live under the same sky, we do not all have the same horizon. Excerpted from SCCBW DV Training Manual. Adapted from an article by Angelo Ginorio and Jane Reno. 114 Peterson Professional Alliance © 115 Violence in the Jewish Family By: Ellen Goldsmith Her father, mother, and older sister regularly beat her as a child. She retaliated by beating her younger sister. Now, herself a parent, she has beaten her own daughters, and the daughters often strike each other. Her husband controls her with threats of violence and warns never to reveal the “family secret.” She is a 42-year-old Reform Jew from an upper middle-class family. Sometimes she fantasizes about her husband’s death, either through natural causes or by her own hand. She has tried to stop hitting her children, attending therapy sessions with her husband, but she is afraid to say too much out of fear that her husband will not return to the sessions or that he will throw her out of the house, leaving her with out economic support and social status. When asked whether family violence was a problem among Jews, she said no. She was not aware of a single Jewish family in which violence was a problem. An alarming number of children and women are injured or killed each year, the victims of family violence. In a 1980 study conducted in the Los Angeles Jewish community by this author and Betsy Gillis, twenty-two incidents of sexual abuse, eleven incidents of forced social isolation, and 118 incidents of violent acts towards children were reported. These totals were obtained from 209 completed questionnaires from Orthodox, Conservative, and Reform congregants in the synagogues. The types of violent acts included battering, burning, shooting, knifing, and sexual assault. Hitting and slapping were considered abusive when a red mark remained on the body for ten minutes or longer. Forced social isolation is the excessive isolation of a person from her or his family and friends. The Los Angeles study revealed, in contrast to other studies in the general community, that frequency of abuse correlated with income and mobility – families with higher incomes or who moved more frequently experienced family violence more often. Peterson Professional Alliance © Family violence has been shown to be a transmitted phenomenon; child abusers were often abused children; wife batterers were often both abused children and witnesses to the battering of their mothers by their fathers. Our study validated these findings; Jews, like non-Jews, transmit family violence from one generation to the next. After relating incidents of violence, the responders were asked to relate to whom they turned to for help. The vast majority reported talking to other family members and friends, keeping the knowledge of family violence within the circle of intimates. The next most frequently consulted group was private therapists. Only four respondents reported speaking to a rabbi. Violent Jewish families do not reveal their problem to a synagogue professional. Shame and stigma are the principal reasons. Only one of the respondents reported speaking to public agencies including the police, thereby accounting for the near absence of Jews in official family violence statistics. While 62% of those we surveyed felt that family violence was a problem in the general community, 61% believed it was not a problem in the Jewish community. Our study revealed that violence occurs in Jewish families to the same extent as in non-Jewish families. Research literature indicates that family violence occurs in ten to fifty percent of all 116 families, with the statistical variance due to the different definitions of violence. We found that it occurred in ten to twenty percent of Jewish families. Historically, the issues of wife battering and child abuse in the Jewish family have not been ignored. Physical violence is one of the grounds for a Jewish divorce. Actual cases of wife battering leading to divorce have been documented by the rabbis, as seen by the following example taken from the Shulchan Aruch. Peterson Professional Alliance © “If a husband is habitually cruel to her, this is grounds for a divorce. According to the Rama, ‘A man who beats his wife commits a sin, as though he has beaten his neighbor, and if he persists in this conduct, the court may castigate him and place him under oath to discontinue this conduct; if he refuses to obey the order of the court, they will compel him to divorce his wife at once (though some are of the opinion that he should be warned once or twice), because it is not customary or proper for a Jew to beat their wives…” Rabbi Meir of Rothenberg, who lived during the 13th century, wrote that if a man refuses to stop beating his wife, he must “remove the causes of such quarrels, if possible, or divorce her and pay her the katubah.” Early in the 20th century literature depicting Jewish life in New York is rich in violent acts between family members. In Call It Sleep, a father strikes his adult daughter. In Anzia Yeziersk’s novel, Bread Givers, several incidents of both physical and verbal violence are described, including the following: “Before we could get to the crib, a woman, weeping and laughing hysterically, snatched the child from us. ‘Gazlin! Murderer! How you blacken me my days!’ she cried, shaking and cuffing him. ‘Gatenuu! Only to get rid of this devil once for all!’ It was some moments before we could rescue the child from the animal fury of the mother.” Violence has been a part of Jewish family life throughout history. Why then have we have been so reluctant to acknowledge its existence today and to respond appropriately? In our society the family is viewed as a sacred institution with intra-familial love and support believed to be the norm. The stigma attached to the admission of violence in families is great. The lack of admission and discussion of the problem by both batterers and their victims allows the Jewish community in particular to reinforce the myth that the problem does not exist. This vicious cycle reinforces the isolation and the ostracism of the violent family. Peterson Professional Alliance © 117 This cycle needs to be broken. The stigma and sense of isolation felt by the abusers and their victims must stop. In accepting the reality that the problem exist, the Jewish community can meet it head on in the following ways: first, our synagogue and community professionals must be educated about the existence of Jewish family violence; second, they must learn to identify the characteristics of abuse from the perspectives of the abused and the abuser, in order to respond with appropriate guidance and referrals; third, lay people must learn the above because they are the first line of support for the victims of abuse. After these preliminary steps, community programs could include: 1) parenting classes; 2) premarital programs; 3) a hotline for abused women and children; 4) a counseling program for families experiencing abuse; 5) legal services for those suffering from spousal abuse; 6) time-out centers to separate family members and prevent abuse from occurring; and 7) shelter for abused women and their children. Our tradition teaches us that we are responsible to one another. Therefore, we should not turn our backs on abusers and abused, some of who may live next door or in your own home. Peterson Professional Alliance © 118 Definitions Race: A biological classification system determined by physical characteristics (e.g., skin color, head form, nasal index, texture of body hair). Usually includes the following groups: Mongoloid (Asian-American/Pacific Islander and Native Americans), Negroid (Black/African-Americans), and Caucasoid (White-Americans). Although this is presented as a biological classification, it is also an arbitrary social construction because of other attributes, like eye color, might have as easily been chosen. Likewise, many people are not obvious members of any one group. Categories overlap. Ethnicity: Has no biological foundation, refers to a group of persons who share a unique social and cultural heritage. Multiple racial groups can be found within one ethnicity or different ethnicities can be found in one racial group. Three Key Elements of Ethnicity: Each of these elements vary across individuals and groups: 1) cultural norms and values, 2) the strength, salience, and meaning of ethnic identity, and 3) the experiences and attitudes associated with minority status. Culture: Sets of learned behaviors (e.g., customs and beliefs) that are shared among group members and transmitted by members of a particular group. Culture is broadly defined to include: ethnicminority group membership, age, sexual orientation, physical abilities, etc. Sub-Dominant Culture (sometimes referred to as Minority): A group of persons who, because of cultural or physical characteristics, receive differential and unequal treatment, and are objects of collective discrimination. Sub-dominant or Minority status includes, discrimination and a lack of adequate representation. Dominant Culture (sometimes referred to as Majority): In the U.S. the group that holds the balance of economic and political power; the group whose cultural values are upheld as the model value system. It is assumed that others should emulate it. Peterson Professional Alliance © Racism: Any behavior or pattern that systematically tends to deny access to opportunities or privilege to one social group while perpetuating privilege to members of another group. Can be individual or institutional. Can be overt and intentional OR covert and intentional/unintentional. Institutionalized Racism: Racist practices are incorporated into the rules, policies, practices, expectations and norms of a public system. Prejudice: A preconceived judgment or opinion without justification or sufficient knowledge. Privilege: Unearned assets, opportunities, or resources. Stereotyping: Simplified generalized labeling of certain people or social groups. Stereotypes are resistant to change and bias perceptions. Prejudiced people commonly stereotype but one can stereotype without prejudice. Oppression: The imposition of constraints; it suggests that the problem is not the result of bad luck, ignorance or prejudice, but rather it is caused by one group actively subordinating another to its own interest. 119 Cultural Encapsulation: Occurs when reality is defined by one set of cultural assumptions and stereotypes and someone is insensitive to cultural variation among individuals (e.g., “color” blindness). Peterson Professional Alliance © SUGGESTED READING LIST Brownmiller, Susan, Against Our Will: Men, Women and Rape (New York: Simon and Schuster, 1975) Davidson, Terry, Conjugal Crime, (1978) Dworkin, Andrea, Stopping Wife Abuse Gayford, J.J., Wife Battering: A Preliminary Survey of 100 Cases, British Medical Journal, I, pp. 194-197 (1975) Gelles, Richard, The Violent Home (Beverly Hills: Sage, 1972) Goode, William J., Crimes of Violence ("Violence Among Intimates - staff report to National Commission on the Causes and Prevention of Violence), Vol. 13, p. 960. Hughes, H.M., Brief Interventions with Children in a Battered Women's Shelter: A Model Preventive Program, Family Relations, Vol. XXXI, pp. 495 (1982) Langley, Roger and Levy, Richard, Wife Beating: The Silent Crisis Martin, Del, Battered Wives (New York: Pocket Books, 1977) McShane, C., Warning! Dating May be Hazardous to Your Health! (Racine, WI: Mother Courage Press) Morrell, L., Violence in Premarital Relationships, Response, Fall, 1984. Nicarthy, Ginny, Getting Free O'Keefe, N., Brockopp, K. and Chew, E., Teen Dating Violence, Social Work, 31, 465-68 (1986) Pizzy, Erin, Scream Quietly or the Neighbors Will Hear (London: If Books, 1974) Roy, Maria, Battered Women 120 Steinmetz, Suzanne K. and Straus, Murray A., Violence in the Family (New York: Dodd, Mead, 1975) Warrior, Betsy, Battered Lives (Houseworker's Handbook - Spring, 1975) White, Evelyn C., Chain, Chain, Change Peterson Professional Alliance © MYTHS & REALITIES OF BATTERING* Myth: Reality: The battered woman syndrome affects only a small percentage of the population. Accurate statistics are not available on the number of abused women that exist. This phenomenon, like rape, is a highly under-reported crime. Estimates state that from 20-50% of all wives are abused. Battering is restricted to poorly educated families from lower socioeconomic classes. Battering is found in all socioeconomic classes. An unusually high incidence is found among police, doctors (Md.’s) and men in helping professions. Wives batter husbands, too. Yes, this happens to be true. Available figures, however, indicate that for every battered husband, there are 10 battered wives. The difference lies in the extent of the violence; women receive far greater physical injury than men. Husbands and wives have always fought. It's natural and therefore, can't be that bad. Naturally there is occasional conflict in every family, but the distinguishing feature here is the severity and intensity of violence. According to police, the home is the "nursery school of violence," not the streets. At least 85% of the men in prison grew up in a violent home. To eliminate violence in society, we must first rid the home of violence. A slap never hurt anyone. Domestic violence is distinguished by its frequency, which can be over several years. Physical injuries range from a black eye to broken bones, burst ear drums, split lips, scalds, torn scalps, broken teeth, rape, bruised necks through strangulation, ripped nipples, and women are frequently hospitalized. end in death. Over 1/3 of the murders in America take place between family members. Constant exposure to beating is also damaging mentally, in terms individual's self-esteem, self-worth, and self-confidence. Myth: Reality: Myth: Reality: Myth: Reality: Myth: Reality: Injuries can of an Peterson Professional Alliance © 121 Myth: Reality: Battered women are masochistic and enjoy it, otherwise they wouldn't stay. Women may be reluctant to leave for a complex set of factors, such as shame, economic dependence, insecurity about supporting their children alone, fear, or a loving concern for the abuser. When a woman does leave, it does not guarantee that the beatings will stop. In fact, 75% of women who die, are killed immediately upon leaving or up to two years after having left. Batterers will go to great lengths to trace their spouse or girlfriend in order to continue the abuse. Some women provoke a man and deserve to get beaten. Beatings are generally unpredictable and it does not seem to matter how a woman acts or what she says; whether she's passive or assertive. Beatings tend to increase in frequency and severity. Even when someone provokes disagreement, no one deserves to be beaten. Batterers are psychopathic. Batterers may lead "normal" lives in all aspects except their inability to want to stop being aggressive towards a loved one. A batterer is not a loving partner. He is not always brutal, particularly after a violent episode. A husband is often remorseful and often promises that it won't happen again, after being violent. Alcohol and drugs cause violence. Myth: Reality: a Myth: Reality: Myth: Reality: Myth: Reality: Drinking lowers control or inhibitions over violent behavior, however the drinking or drugs may be used as an excuse to let down these inhibitions. According to statistics, 1/3 of batterers do not drink or use drugs at all; another 1/3 have an alcohol or drug problem, but batter whether they are sober or drunk/high; and another 1/3 of batterers are violent only when they are drunk/high. (Richard Haas, NTAC) Myth: Reality: Most of society does not condone domestic violence. By tolerating it, society accepts it as normal. In a survey among college undergraduates, it was found that over 60% of the men and women thought it was okay to "slap" a wife. (Survey conducted at UCLA, 1980) Peterson Professional Alliance Myth: Reality: rights. then The police can arrest him. POLICE DO HAVE THE TOOLS TO ARREST, but many police do not appreciate the danger of the situation and do not inform the victim of her Where he may be arrested, it won't take him long to get out of jail on bail and he may be her again for having him arrested. 122 Myth: Reality: There are many services and resources available to battered women. In Los Angeles there are at present, 22 shelters operated by 19 agencies, for battered women. Shelters receive requests from approximately 300 battered women per month. Shelters and hotlines receive funding from federal, state and local governments. But it takes approximately $250,000 to over $1 million a year to operate a shelter. Shelters must rely on private donations to keep their services going. And yet, we know that 75% of battered women do NOT use a shelter. Shelters break up families. "To suggest that shelters break up abusive families is like saying that hospitals cause auto accidents" (Working Together). About 75 of women who go to shelters return to abusive relationships. The women make their own decisions (it would be contrary to the philosophy of shelters to tell women what to do). A batterer also beats his children. He may not necessarily abuse his children. However, in 3 out of 4 violent marriages, which have children, the children are physically abused. (Richard NTAC). What is also evident is that children from abusive homes tend to violent relationships as adults (80% of boys witnessing violence become and over 60% of girls become victims.) Batterers cease their violence when they get married. Battering often starts when the woman becomes pregnant. It increases in frequency unless the batterer seeks professional help. Myth: Reality: Myth: Reality: Haas, seek batterers Myth: Reality: Peterson Professional Alliance Myth: Reality: Once a batterer, always a batterer. NO. There are a number of counseling programs for the batterer to assist him in his using non-violent solutions to problems. It is important to realize however, that 9 out of 10 batterers do not believe they need to end their violence, do not admit they have a problem and therefore, never seek counseling. Once a battered woman, always a battered woman. There is a growing community awareness to the plight of battered women and their children. There are counseling programs offering support and help with housing and employment, hotlines that provide crisis counseling and referrals and shelters, which provide safe refuge. Myth: Reality: 123 *Statistics provided by National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, the United States Department of Justice, Bureau of Statistics, the March of Dimes, UCLA, California Commission on the Status of Women, Los Angeles City Commission on the Status of Women, Los Angeles County Domestic Violence Council, Los Angeles Commission on Assaults Against Women, Statewide California Coalition for Battered Women, Avance Human Services, Inc., and The Alliance Foundation. Peterson Professional Alliance 124