How to Tell the Difference
Between Democrats and
1. Democrats buy most of the books that 7. Republicans tend to keep their shades
have been banned somewhere. drawn, although there is seldom any
Republicans form censorship reason why they should. Democrats
committees and read them as a group. ought to, but don’t.
2. Republicans consume three-fourths of 8. Republicans study the financial pages of
all the rutabaga produced in this the newspaper. Democrats put them in
country. The remainder is thrown out. the bottom of the bird cage.
3. Republicans usually wear hats and 9. Republicans raise dahlias, dalmations,
almost always clean their paint brushes. and eyebrows. Democrats raise
Airedales, kids, and taxes.
4. Democrats give their worn-out clothes to
those less fortunate. Republicans wear 10. Democrats eat the fish they catch.
theirs. Republicans hang them on the wall.
5. Republicans employ exterminators. 11. Democrats make up plans and then do
Democrats step on the bugs. something else. Republicans follow the
plans their grandfathers made.
6. Democrats name their children after
current popular sports figures, 12. Republicans sleep in twin beds – some
politicians, and entertainers. even in separate rooms. That is why
Republican children are named after there are more Democrats.
their parents or grandparents, according
to where the most money is.
Source: Florence Morning News,
February 16, 1975