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Boundaries

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					Boundaries

  Gero 408
               Introduction
• Where do Boundaries come from? Parents, Role
  Models, Significant others.
• What are Boundaries? Physical, Emotional and
  Mental limits. They define us and separate us
  from others. They are formed from our values,
  beliefs and attitudes. They allow us to be who
  we are in our own right and in different roles
• Boundaries can be under-developed, over-
  developed and distorted
                Introduction
• Example. A person steps on your toe or bumps
  their shopping cart into you while you are waiting
  to pay for groceries.
• Underdeveloped-You are aware of the intrusion,
  but it is not OK to protest and you blame yourself
  for being in the way
• Distorted-I have the right to behave in any way I
  choose
                 Boundaries
• Having good boundaries means that people do
  not have the right to control you or you them.
• You need to respect others feelings and beliefs
  and be able to express your needs to others or
  to accept no when it is appropriate
• Boundaries means taking responsibility for
  ourselves, preserving our integrity and
  protecting us from harm. It enables us to fulfill
  our emotional needs.
                Boundaries
• We are aware that our defenses and defense
  mechanisms isolate us. Good boundaries
  however allows to have good control over our
  lives and to make choices which we feel
  comfortable with. It is much safer to be intimate
  when one has good boundaries.
• Boundaries therefore: Define ourselves, Protect
  us, Put us in charge and Promote Healthy
  Relationships
                 Boundaries
• If we have experienced neglect, abuse or
  enmeshment in childhood-poor boundaries will
  develop. Examples are over-protectiveness and
  lack of autonomy or too much autonomy and
  selfishness. Poor boundaries means increased
  vulnerability leading to further boundary violation
• Too few boundaries we become the victim and
  open to being bullied, overwhelmed or taken
  advantage of. Too many boundaries means we
  become “walled off”
                Boundaries
• Poor self-esteem leads to poor boundaries. We
  find ourselves not being able to say “No” and
  end up feeling exhausted and resentful.
  Appropriate care of the self leads to the
  establishment of good boundaries.
• We are aware when our boundaries are violated
  in some way. Therefore we must: Set limits,
  Express our needs, Protest offenses against us,
  Be able to say “Yes or No”, Not take on the
  emotional needs of others, Not feel guilty when
                Boundaries
• Expressing our own needs, Not blaming others
  for our own behavior, Taking responsibility for
  our own decisions and setting clear limits.
• Questions: How healthy are your boundaries? In
  what areas do you see you need to improve?
  How will you go about that?

				
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posted:8/21/2012
language:English
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