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Children

VIEWS: 10 PAGES: 1

									Topic: Children
Question: What rights do you believe children should have?

    In the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, every member of the human race
is entitled to “dignity” which implies that every person has the right to be respected.
Although children are synonym as an offspring that are yet to be mature enough to                 Comment [JA1]: Word Choice
understand the significance of decorum, their rights should be given a priority by the            Deleted: d
community. For instance, the African government proclaimed that childhood
                                                                                                  Deleted: an
elucidates to a “special care and assistance”. In my book, it is crucial for a child to
have the right to live, the right to be protected, as well as the right to obtain an              Deleted: the
omniscient development.                                                                           Comment [JA2]: Be careful
   Children should be subsidized with the basic necessities such as inadequate food               with idioms
supply, the provision of appropriate asylum, and the establishment of a proper
healthcare system. Unlike the animal kingdom, where lionesses abandon their cubs
to the survival of the fittest, an evergreen child should be equipped with sufficient             Deleted: a
amount of nutrients and care from their parents in order to sustain their life,
Furthermore, ample protection should be given to these small creatures as they                    Deleted: an
often tend to be the victim of being bullied or harassed. A study conducted in the                Deleted: of
University of Reading corroborates that almost 70% of the students being
                                                                                                  Deleted: focused on
traumatized by the impudence act performed on them, poses a bad memory power.
Lastly, an equal allocation of knowledge is vital to thwart the minorities or a certain           Comment [JA3]: Word choice
ethnic groups from being deprived by the intellectual society. Therefore, it is                   Comment [JA4]: Word choice
paramount for the government to establish an omniscient education system as the                   Deleted: ethics
children do have the rights to acquire a pool of knowledge without any restrictions.
                                                                                                  Deleted: from
   To sum up, a holistic approach is needed to remedy such compound and
cumulative violations of the children’s rights.                                                   Deleted: from occurring.



Comments: A lot of ambitious vocabulary used with mixed results. However the
basic structure is sound and the arguments lucid.
Rating: IELTS Band 7 Word Count: 279




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