78-101 – Beginning Horsey Betting
Professor Jeffrey “The Julepenator” Milheiser
Here is the first class by Jeff the Julepenator about how to bet at the track. I will have another course soon.
Here is the simple bets and how you place them. It may be a little different with horses, and not all the races
have all the bets, like some will have an exacta, but no trifecta and stuff, but this will be 101:
The three easy bets are to win, place, or show. If you make a bet on a horse to win, that horse has to win
(cross the finish line before the other horses). If you bet a horse to place, that means you win if that horse
comes in first or second place. And if you bet for a horse to show, you win if the horse comes in first, second,
The next most common bet is a quinella. A quinella is when you bet on two different horses to come in first
and second. So these two horses could come in first or second and you would win. Say you bet on Mr. Fast
and Jeff the Juggerknocker in a $100 quinella because you are sure that these two horses are going to kick
the hot carls out of the other horses. Now when Jeff the Juggerknocker comes in First the Mr. Fast comes in
second, YOU WIN! Or if Mr. Fast comes in first and Jeff the Juggerknocker comes in Second, you also win.
But if Jeff the Juggerknocker comes in First and Mr. Fast comes in third. You not a winner.
Much like a quinella is the exacta bet. Just like in the quinella you bet on two horses to come in first and
second, but this time you have to bet on which one would come in first and which one came in second. The
payoff on this is obviously bigger than a quinella because it is more difficult to pick the exact order of the
Moving on to the big money bets, we next come to the trifecta. The trifecta is quite difficult to pick, but not the
most difficult. In this one like the exacta, you have to pick the exact order that the horses will finish. In the
trifecta, you must pick the first, second, and third place finishers. The payout on this one is a lot bigger than
something like a quinella. In dog races there is actually a superfecta where you do the top 4 dogs, but I don't
think they do that in horsies.
The most important part of betting is being able to spit this stuff out of your mouth when you get to the betting
window. The first rule is never use a horse's name. You can't go up there and say, "I want to bet on Johnny 5-
0 to win the race yo!" You have to use their number. So if you horse is in the 8th spot you'd call him "Number
8." Okay betting is real easy like as long as you know the order, this is it:
1: The track you want to bet on. (I doubt you'll do this though since we'll be at the track we're betting on.)
2: The race number (unless the current race, so you may not have to do this either)
3: The Amount you'd like to wager
4: The type of bet
5: And the horse you'd like to bet on.
So an example, "I'd like to bet at Churchill Downs, Race Eleven, gimme two dollars to win on number six,
HOOHAH!" Or you can do, without the track and race stuff, "Hey baby, why don't you give me a four dollar
quinella on the one and the seven, sweet crotch! Woo Doggie!"
I am guessing it will be best to talk like we're from Kentucky. WeeeeeHooo!
Tomorrow Betting 102, or 204 or whatever course fits your schedule and your requirements to earn your
degree. Next day's course covers the exotic bets and extras. Bets including boxes, wheels, across the board
and the pick 4's and daily doubles.
Your trusted bookie,
Jeff the Julepenator