Security over Love
Here I am lying beside him. His sweet caress isn’t so sweet. His butterfly kisses
doesn’t give me butterflies in my stomach. His lips are so soft, but I don’t float on air
when his lips touch mine. I’ve made myself suffer for so long. What I needed, love, was
right in front of my face but instead I chose what I wanted.
I wanted this man lying beside me. I wanted this tall, dark and handsome man. I
wanted this man that made all my friends jealous. I wanted to feel protected from this
strong man beside me. I chose security instead of love.
Can I honestly say that I’m happy, though? Of course I’m happy!
Am I happy?
All day at work, I can’t concentrate. I never get anything done without stopping
to think of this person. Not this person I’m lying next to, but this other person. Another
I forced myself to not think about this other man, but I just can’t stop thinking
Almost every single night, I dream about this other man. In my dreams, I feel his
love and I feel my love towards him. His sweet caress is sweet. His butterfly kisses does
give me butterflies in my stomach. His lips are soft and I float on air when they touch
This person I’m laying next to isn’t the man of my dreams. I thought he was
because this is what I wanted. I wanted this person next to me so badly but I’m not
happy. I’m not with the man of my dreams that everyone deserves to be with.
The phone rings interrupting my thoughts.
Why would someone be calling me so late? My only fear was the same fear
everyone else has when the phone rings so late at night. What’s the emergency? Whose
hurt and what do I need to do?
“Hello” I answered.
“He’s dead. A drunk driver struck his car. He’s gone. He’s dead”
Tears fill my eyes because I just got that phone call that everyone fears. I got that
phone call telling me that someone important to my life has gone to heaven.
The other man is gone. The other man whom I dream about every single night
was gone. What I truly needed most of all was gone. I needed love. I wanted and chose