Parents Place Center for Special Needs by j30jOH

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									  Steps to Respect: Parents and
   Teachers Working Together




Steps To Respect at Fairmeadow Elementary
    Presenters: Gloria Moskowitz-Sweet, PPSC, LCSW
                Holly Pedersen, PhD
 “Our research on child development makes it clear that there is
 only one way to truly combat bullying. As an essential part of
the school curriculum, we have to teach children how to be good
to one another, how to cooperate, how to defend someone who is
     being picked on and how to stand up for what is right.”

                - Susan Engel, PhD, Marlene Sandstrom, PhD
 Moskowitz-Sweet & Pedersen, 2011                                  2
                          Our Focus




                       Steps to Respect at Fairmeadow:
                               Teachers’ perspective
                       How to recognize bullying
                       Gender differences
                       Intervening in the moment
                       How to empower your child
                       The importance of friendship
Moskowitz-Sweet & Pedersen, 2011                          3
         Lessons Practiced in the
        Classroom and School Yard




Moskowitz-Sweet & Pedersen, 2011    4
STR Teaches Children How To:




      Cope effectively with bullying
      Build friendships
      Recognize bullying
      Assertively refuse bullying
      Report bullying to adults
      Take a stand against bullying
 Moskowitz-Sweet & Pedersen, 2011       5
    How To Recognize Bullying?

   A conscious, willful, repeated and deliberately hostile act intended to
    inflict pain, discomfort, and induce fear

   Will always include these 3 elements:
          Imbalance of power
          Intent to harm
          Threat of further aggression

   Is systematic and ongoing




         Moskowitz-Sweet & Pedersen, 2011                                     6
          Is it Bullying Behavior?


A 5th grade student repeatedly teases a 3rd grade student about
his hair, making the boy cry and say he wants to go home
Yes
Two third grade boys are rough-housing and one of them gets
 hurt
No
During foursquare, a new 2nd grade student is always excluded
from the game by a group of students
Yes
A 4th grade student teases her friend about having a crush
 on a boy in her class
No

     Moskowitz-Sweet & Pedersen, 2011                             7
Behavior That Might Indicate Bullying
      Signs a Child is Target of
  • Abrupt lackSocial Cruelty
               of interest in school

   • Loss of friends; changes in friends; lack of friends

   • Headaches, stomachaches, physical complaints

   • Separation anxiety at morning drop-off

   • Poor appetite at lunch/snack time

   • Unusually sad, moody, anxious, withdrawn

   • Isolated from peers

   • Avoids the playground



  Moskowitz-Sweet & Pedersen, 2011                          8
Is it Teasing or Bullying?


 Teasing

    Some is natural
    It’s mutual
    Does not involve
     physical threats
    Occurs in a friendly
     atmosphere
    Occurs from time to
     time, not constantly


     Moskowitz-Sweet & Pedersen, 2011   9
    Is it Conflict or Bullying?

   Occasional peer conflict is inevitable

   Both sides have equal power to
    resolve the problem




         Moskowitz-Sweet & Pedersen,
         2011                                10
              Gender Differences




Moskowitz-Sweet & Pedersen, 2011   11
Words Hurt




Moskowitz-Sweet & Pedersen, 2011   12
Gender Differences: Girls




    Girls bond more intimately with other girls
    Isolation and exclusion is traumatizing for girls
    Girls talk on the playground
    Girls are socialized to be “nice”
    When girls become troubled, they
     get sad


Moskowitz-Sweet & Pedersen, 2011                         13
    Gender Differences: Boys




      Boys form social bonds through group activities
      Group humiliation for being perceived as effeminate, weak, or
       “gay” is traumatizing for boys
      Boys play on the playground
      Boys are socialized to be “tough”
      When boys become troubled, they get mad
    Moskowitz-Sweet & Pedersen, 2011                                   14
What Can Parents Do When
Witnessing Bullying Behavior?



   On the playground

   On field trips

   When you are an aide in the classroom

   Before and after school

     Moskowitz-Sweet & Pedersen, 2011       15
Understand the Three R’s




    Recognize the bullying

    Refuse the bullying

    Report the bullying



Moskowitz-Sweet & Pedersen, 2011   16
Active Supervision



   Circulating continuously
          Organize games
          Introduce activities
          Try to engage all children
   Providing praise for positive behavior
   Helping children problem solve
          Have each child state the problem and their feelings
          Have each child come up with two solutions
          Help children pick a solution

        Moskowitz-Sweet & Pedersen, 2011                          17
               Stay In the Moment


  Intervene during the activity to shift the behavior
  of all children involved .

  This can prevent the bullying from escalating
  and from continuing.

  Involves all players, including helping
  bystanders move to upstanders


Moskowitz-Sweet & Pedersen, 2011                        18
             Stay In the Moment


Step 1: Recognize bullying

   Is a student being excluded, taunted,
    or treated differently?

   Is it happening repeatedly?

   Is the student responding passively,
   reacting with sadness, frustration,
   withdrawal?

Moskowitz-Sweet & Pedersen, 2011           19
             Stay In the Moment


 Step 2: Call out the behavior you want
 stopped and include expectations
      “We don’t exclude, we include everybody.”
      “We don’t call people names, we are kind to
       each other. Show me how you can be a friend.”
      “We don’t hurt each other, we help each other.”

 Step 3: Use the Step to Respect School Rules
      How do we treat each other fairly?
      Are you being caring and kind?
      How can you be helpful to each other?
      Stand up for others
Moskowitz-Sweet & Pedersen, 2011                        20
Caring Schools, Involved
Communities




  Report to School Personnel   21
     After the Moment
The Importance of Friendship
    How to Talk About Bullying




Remain calm; don’t over-empathize or over-react
Be supportive: listen, believe, validate
Encourage student to describe the situation
Say: Nobody deserves to be bullied or treated badly

Moskowitz-Sweet & Pedersen, 2011                      22
Supporting The Bystander




Some Bystander facts:
  • 90% of children report that they do not like watching bullying
  • Yet only 11% of bullying bystanders intervene
  • Bullying stops in 10 seconds nearly 60% of the time
    when a bystander intervenes
 Moskowitz-Sweet & Pedersen, 2011                             23
Teaching Students the Steps to
   Becoming an Upstander
                             Stand up to the bullying child during the incident

                                            Talk to the bullying child in private

                                      Ask the target to leave the group with you

                                   Distract the group

                      Tell an adult

           Ask the target to join you and your friends

      Talk to the target privately: give support

 Don’t be an onlooker: walk away, don’t participate



Moskowitz-Sweet & Pedersen, 2011                                                    24
            Create a School-Wide
            Anti-Bullying Contract




Moskowitz-Sweet & Pedersen, 2011     25
How Can I Empower My Child?
How To Talk
About Bullying




     Up To Second Grade
         Help them manage these situations
         Give them language to use
         Give them behaviors to use
         Speak to teachers or principal if bullying continues
         They are looking for reassurance -- be careful not to
          overreact
         Give them confidence that it will be ok

     Moskowitz-Sweet & Pedersen, 2011                             27
    Talking About
    Bullying




   Third through Sixth Grade
      Able to begin making sense of their own power in
        relation to others
      Come up with a plan together to address problem
      Don’t rescue – empower them
      Role playing and real examples

      Moskowitz-Sweet & Pedersen, 2011                    28
    Gender Differences

    Talking To Boys

    Sensitive about exposing
     weaknesses
    Hard to show vulnerability
    Before talking: “you are not in
     trouble”
    “It is not your fault”
    May feel guilty about not
     being able to handle himself
    Let him know you believe and
     trust him
    Moskowitz-Sweet & Pedersen, 2011   29
Talking to Girls
    Need to feel valued
     before opening up
    Be specific about how
     you value them
    May not know that
     relational aggression is
     bullying
    “I want to hear your
     experiences”
    “I believe you”
    Validate that what she
     is experiencing is
     bullying
Moskowitz-Sweet & Pedersen, 2011   30
Supporting the Bystander



    Clarify the In/out rule*

    Compliment the student for having the courage to
     care and tell.

    Discuss options:
       What could they say to the child who bullies?
       What could they do to help the target?
       How can they show the target their support?
                                   *Adapted from “No Room For Bullies” (2005)
Moskowitz-Sweet & Pedersen, 2011                                                31
“If you think you are too small to make a difference,
try sleeping in a room with a mosquito.”
                                    -African Proverb
 Moskowitz-Sweet & Pedersen, 2011                       32
Empowering Your Child

    Step 1: Recognize
       Read cues to initiate a talk
       Help your child open up
       React calmly
       Use active listening techniques
       Take breaks
       Praise




       *Excerpts from “Bullyproof Your Child For Life” By: Joel Haber, Ph.D.

Moskowitz-Sweet & Pedersen, 2011                                               33
Empowering Your Child

    Phase Two: Help your child act on a plan
       Has this ever happened to me before?
       Does the person who is bullying know he hurt
        me?
       Am I in physical danger?
       Do I feel powerful enough to confront this
        person?
       Can I rely on help from others?
       Role play with your child



Moskowitz-Sweet & Pedersen, 2011                       34
Empowering Your Child

    Persevere: Continue communicating with your
     child
       Find creative ways to keep your child talking
         openly to you
       Work on friendships- build new ones strengthen
         existing ones
       Invite kids over
       Martial Arts classes




Moskowitz-Sweet & Pedersen, 2011                    35
The Importance of Friendship




Moskowitz-Sweet & Pedersen, 2011   36
The Importance of Friendship
Skills
       Prevent bullying

       Buffer kids from harmful effects of bullying

       Help kids cope after being bullied

   Principals in Second Step and Steps to Respect
      programs

Moskowitz-Sweet & Pedersen, 2011                   37
Top 10 friendship and social skills

 1.    Ability to share possessions, space and relationships
 2.    Being kind and helpful
 3.    Cooperating
 4.    Losing and winning well
 5.    Being able to join a group/activity
 6.    Ability to listen
 7.    Being able to start/have a conversation (questions)
 8.    Being able to keep confidences and secrets
 9.    Empathy and understanding
 10.   Belief/understanding that friendship does not include mean
       behavior, cruelty or abuse & ability to end a friendship that
       does
       Moskowitz-Sweet & Pedersen, 2011                                38
With Second Step and Steps To Respect




          “Planting The Seed”
                 Parents Place Palo Alto
                   200 Channing Ave
                  Palo Alto, CA 94301
                    (650) 688-3030
           http://www.parentsplaceonline.org/peninsula
                                                         39

								
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