The 5 Love Languages
By D. Huben
I am glad that I read the “5 Love Languages” book by Gary Chapman before
I got married. I grew up watching my parents always at loggerheads. When
I had read this book, I realised that both of them spoke very different love
languages. My mother wanted a very loving and caring man who would
speak kind words, give her presents and help her with her chores. My father
wanted to hear praises and encouraging words when he came back home
from work. Neither of them have got what they have wanted despite being
married for almost 54 years.
After two breakups, I realised that I had to read some self-improvement
books. I am glad I came across the ‘5 Love Languages’.
Words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service and physical touch
are the 5 love languages.
I first analysed what my love languages were upon reading this book. I
found that I wanted kind words, physical touch and quality time. These were
the aspects that would fill my love tank. Soon after, I met my husband. We
courted for two years but it wasn’t smooth sailing all the time. He needed
words of affirmation, acts of service and physical touch to fill his love tank.
We both knew what we wanted. Knowing what we wanted wasn’t enough. It
was vital to know what we were giving. What did we always give to fill our
partner’s tanks? Did we give the love language our partner wanted?
I was giving him quality time, physical touch and gifts. However, I was
spending too much time with him and he actually started feeling
claustrophobic. He wanted some space. He loved the physical touch.
However, he wasn’t very comfortable taking gifts often. I wasn’t big on acts
of service and he definitely wanted more of this.
Words of affirmation weren’t one of his strengths to my disappointment. I
needed to hear sweet nothings and words of assurance. I remember asking
him once if he wanted me to go over to his house to spend the evening with
him. His answer was ‘if you want.’ I was shocked and reduced to tears. I
was happy with the physical touch I was getting from him. I wanted to spend
as much time with him but he obviously didn’t want to spend 24/7 with me.
I was insulted when he told me that he needed space sometimes. He was
generous with his acts of service. He was more than happy to give me lifts,
cook and clean. However, this wasn’t the most important thing to me.
Gosh! This wasn’t easy. The first 3 months of our relationship was the most
challenging period as we kept communicating different love languages. At
35, I was more mature to realise that a relationship was something that
required effort at times. Fortunately, I was wise enough to stay in it and put
into practice the knowledge I had gained from the books I had read.
I communicated to him that his lack of words of affirmation and brusque
manner weren’t helping me. I knew that he had lots of qualities that I had
wanted in a man. Having said that, my love tank needed to be filled
Although it was more difficult for him to communicate what he wanted in
this relationship, he slowly started opening up.
We have been married for 3 years now. I can safely say that both of us have
made changes to our love languages to accommodate each other.
It’s not always easy for him to whisper sweet nothings into my ears but he
tries. When he does, I express my appreciation for it. I also make it a point to
thank him once in a while for his languages which aren’t very important to
me like acts of service.
Likewise, I have started paying more attention to doing chores around the
house and other acts of service which are important to him. At least once a
week, I allow him to have the house all to himself. This is my way of giving
Knowing that we have made these changes to fill each others’ love tanks
gives us hope and we know that we can adjust or change our love languages
The 5 Love Languages has certainly made a very powerful impact in our
marriage. The knowledge from this book has given us three beautiful years
together in marriage. We are parents to a beautiful daughter now. From time
to time, we communicate to each other if our love tanks aren’t as full. We
love each other very much and definitely make an effort to use the correct
love language to fill up each others’ love tanks.
The writer is the author of the book “Find love through the law of
attraction”. She met her husband through the law of attraction and gives an
account of it in this book.