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					                                                                      SABRINA TEE 0146
                                                                                Page 1


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           SABRINA, THE TEENAGE WITCH
                                EPS. 0146
                           “Call Me Crazy”


            FADE IN:


            INT. SPELLMAN KITCHEN


SALEM:      What’s with all the ironing?
SABRINA:    I’m the office newbie. I can’t go to work all wrinkly.
SALEM:      Well, that doesn’t keep Barbara Walters’ mug off The
            View. Ha ha. You’re a witch. Why not get rid of
            wrinkles in some witchy way?
SABRINA:    Okay, how many times do I have to remind you?
            Roxie and Morgan live here now, so that means no
            magic, no going through the magic portals to the
            Other Realm, and no matter how late I’m running, no
            reversing the rotation of the Earth.
SALEM:      Well, since you’re getting all domestic with small hot
            irons, how about you make me a waffle?
                                                                     (SFX: MAGICAL
                                                                     PING)
                                                                     (FX: SALEM’S BODY
                                                                     TURNS INTO A
                                                                     WAFFLE)
SALEM:      Very funny.
SABRINA:    Hey, you’re the one who’s always making eyes at
            Mrs. Butterworth.


                                                                     (CUT TO)
                                                                        SABRINA TEE 0146
                                                                                  Page 2



                                                                       (OPENING CREDITS
                                                                       OVER THEME
                                                                       MUSIC/ ACTION UP
                                                                       AND OUT)


           MUSIC IN:


           INT. MAGAZINE OFFICES


                                                                       (MORE CREDITS
                                                                       OVER ACTION)
SABRINA:   I can’t believe that I worked all day on this article and
           Annie red-penciled every line.
LEONARD:   Yeah, she can be pretty vicious with that red pencil.
           This morning she took issue with my new shirt.
                                                                       (HE DISPLAYS A “X”
                                                                       ON HIS WHITE T-
                                                                       SHIRT)
SABRINA:   I don’t suppose you have any X-Men Underoos to
           match?
LEONARD:   I’m not gonna take them out of the package. They’ll
           lose their value.
ANNIE:     Guys, after work I want you to go check out this club.
           Ashanti’s doing a gig at the civic center and she may
           show up there. Ah, James, try and see if you can get
           some pictures, and Cole, try and grab her for some
           questions.
COLE:      Will do.
ANNIE:     And none of them should be, “Are you free later?”
COLE:      Hey, J. Lo grabbed my butt.
JAMES:     Don’t worry, Annie, Leonard and I will keep an eye
           on him.
SABRINA:   And I’ll keep an eye on all three of ‘em. What, it’s a
           work thing and I’d like to go, too.
JAMES:     No, offense, but do you even know who Ashanti is?
                                                                     SABRINA TEE 0146
                                                                               Page 3



SABRINA:   She had the number one album and the number one
           single at the same time. She’s rising faster than
           Britney Spears, who, by the way, gave me private
           dance lessons in Paris.
LEONARD:   What?
SABRINA:   Long story. Um, so ah, where’s this club and what
           time are we meeting?
COLE:      Okay. It’s on the docks. Meet us at Pier Thirty-Eight
           at nine o’clock.
SABRINA:   On the docks. Cool. We aren’t gonna be throwing
           tea in the harbor, too, are we?


                                                                    (CUT TO)


           INT. UPSTAIRS LANDING


SABRINA:   Hey, guys. Hey, Harvey.
MORGAN:    Hi.
ROXIE:     Sabrina, great. We need your help.
SABRINA:   Oh, I’m sorry. I’m in a rush. I’m so excited. I’m
           going out with my co-workers for the first time. Well,
           what’s going on here?
HARVEY:    Well, I’ll tell you what’s not going on. A surprise
           birthday party for me. And that is the third and final
           time I fall for that one.
MORGAN:    Sabrina, we said that we were gonna spend tonight
           cleaning out the closets and getting rid of junk. And
           by that, I mean Roxie’s clothes.
ROXIE:     If we dumped half your make-up we’d have room for
           an ice skating rink.
SABRINA:   I’m sorry. Look, I promise I’ll help tomorrow. I gotta
           go change.
MORGAN:    We’re, we’re running out of closet space. How come
           no one uses this one?
HARVEY:    No.
                                                                      SABRINA TEE 0146
                                                                                Page 4



SABRINA:   We can’t go in there.
MORGAN:    Why not?
                                                                     (SFX: LIGHTNING
                                                                     FROM UNDERNEATH
                                                                     DOOR)
MORGAN:    Oh, my God. I know what’s going on. You have a
           tanning bed in there.
SABRINA:   No, no, no, no. It’s ah, it’s a bug zapper.
                                                                     (SFX: THUNDER
                                                                     AND LIGHTNING)
SABRINA:   Ooh, ah, that must have been a horsefly. Oh no,
           forget about this closet. Um, ooh, I need a cool outfit
           to wear to the club tonight. Do you think you could
           lend me one of your creations?


                                                                     (CUT TO)


           INT. WHARF DISTRICT


                                                                     (SFX: FOGHORNS)
SABRINA:   Nice neighborhood. So, how do we find this club?
           Do we just follow the chalk outlines?
COLE:      You’ve got to break out of your cozy little world. You
           can’t live your life in a bubble.
SABRINA:   Sure you can. My bubble has a very low crime rate.
JAMES:     Hey, there’s the green light bulb.
LEONARD:   That would be the club.
SABRINA:   Unless it’s an environmentally friendly brothel.
COLE:      Hey, man. We’re from Scorch magazine.
BOUNCER:   Okay, go on in. Hold it, Mary-Kate. You can’t come
           in here wearing that.
SABRINA:   Who are you calling Mary-Kate? The only twins I see
           around here are your chins. Hey, hey, you just let
           them in and she had plastic banana barrettes in her
           hair.
                                                                         SABRINA TEE 0146
                                                                                   Page 5



BOUNCER:   Reminds me of my brother.
COLE:      Is there a problem?
SABRINA:   No, no, no. No, problem, I know how this works.
           You want a tip. Hey, well I got a tip for you, get out
           of town.
COLE:      Hey, look. If all us can’t get in, then none of us
           should go in. And forget about Ashanti, all right? It’s
           another one of Annie’s rumors.
JAMES:     That is true. One time ‘Lil Bow Wow was supposed
           to be in the hospital, it turns out his shihtzu was
           getting spayed.
SABRINA:   Thanks, guys.
LEONARD:   Next time we go out, I’ll help you with your look. The
           scenesters are into a little something called Goth.
           Vampires, Gargoyles. Hepatitis C.
SABRINA:   Oh, please, my people invented Goth.
JAMES:     What did you say?
SABRINA:   Broth. Ah, I said my people invented borth. Yeah.
           Before us, everybody just ate dry chicken and
           vegetables. Hey, I know a place, open all night, no
           cover, and an awesome DJ who plays exactly what
           you want to hear.


                                                                        (CUT TO)


           INT. EVE’S DINER


SABRINA:   Okay, E seven coming up.
                                                                        (SHE PUTS MONEY
                                                                        IN JUKE BOX)
COLE:      All right, look…
LEONARD:   Come on, come on, come on.
                                                                        (MUSIC IN)
COLE:      So, the police let me out of jail just in time to dance in
           the Carnival parade. But I kept my clothes on. I’m
           not saying my date did.
                                                                       SABRINA TEE 0146
                                                                                 Page 6



                                                                      (THEY LAUGH)
COLE:      If you’ve seen Brazil during Carnival, everyone
           dances in the streets naked.
SABRINA:   I know what happens at Carnival. I mean, thank God
           for laser hair removal, right?
JAMES:     You’ve been to South America?
COLE:      Sort of. Well, it was Epcot. But they stamped my
           passport.
JAMES:     You’ve never been to South Amer… That reminds
           me of this time I was on a float with the King and
           Queen of Mardi Gras. Actually it was the same
           dude.
LEONARD:   New Orleans has the best food. They have a philly
           cheesesteak there that’s even better than you get in
           Chicago.
COLE:      Don’t worry. The great thing about a job like this is it
           gets you out into the world, which would do you a lot
           of good.
SABRINA:   Okay, guys, you know, maybe I’ve never been to
           Brazil, or been thrown in jail naked, but I have been
           to plenty of places and done lots of stuff.
COLE:      I’m sure you have. But we’re talking about, you
           know, jumping out of a plane type stuff.
JAMES:     Yeah, I’m sure you’re adventurous in your own way.
           We mean, like running with the bulls. Remember in
           Chicago I got all the way to half court before security
           busted me.
COLE:      I remember.
JAMES:     (LAUGHS)
LEONARD:   See, we are men of experience. We live life on the
           edge. I can tell you stories that would make your hair
           curl. Like eating unwashed fruit in Mexico.
GUYS:      That’s great.
                                                                      SABRINA TEE 0146
                                                                                Page 7



SABRINA:   For your information, I have seen the inside of
           volcanoes in Hawaii, I’ve been to the top of Mt.
           Everest, and I’ve even ridden the roller coaster on
           the rings of Saturn.
LEONARD:   Excuse me?
SABRINA:   Uh, the, the rings of Saturn. You know, the
           amusement park in Florida. Near Bible land? Okay,
           how about another song? Ahh, Patsy Kline. Crazy?
           No. Um, Still Crazy after all These… Nope. Okay,
           ah, how about if we just talk. You know, guy talk.
           So, that Anna Kournikova. I mean, she is hot!


                                                                     (CUT TO)


           INT. SPELLMAN LIVING ROOM/FOYER


                                                                     (DOOR OPENS)
SABRINA:   Hey, guys.
MORGAN:    Hi.
ROXIE:     Hi.
                                                                     (DOOR CLOSES)
SABRINA:   Hey, have you guys ever blurted something out
           under pressure that would make everyone think that
           you’re weird?
RITA:      Weird how? Creepy, scary, Sixth Sense weird? Or
           freakish, odd, Liza’s husband weird?
SABRINA:   I’d say like, “backwards white jacket” weird.
ROXIE:     Ooh, that reminds me. I gotta call Mom. Lockdown’s
           in ten minutes.
MORGAN:    Okay, this is the “to get rid of” box I’m gonna toss in
           the car.
SABRINA:   Oh, wait, that’s my sweater. And those are my jeans.
           This is my box. I’m not giving this stuff away.
MORGAN:    What about helping the less fortunate?
SABRINA:   Well, I don’t see any of Roxie’s stuff in there.
                                                                      SABRINA TEE 0146
                                                                                Page 8



MORGAN:    I think the less fortunate have enough problems.
SABRINA:   Hey, Harvey, you still helping them move boxes?
HARVEY:    No. I fooled ‘em. This is the same box. I’ve just
           been carrying it up and down the stairs for the last
           half an hour.
SABRINA:   Good idea. Just carrying an empty box.
HARVEY:    Empty? Shoot. So, did you have fun with your co-
           workers tonight?
SABRINA:   Not really. We were all sitting talking, and suddenly I
           blurted out about that time I went to the rings of
           Saturn with Aunt Hilda.
SALEM:     Did you mention that all I got was a lousy t-shirt?
HARVEY:    Sabrina, why did you tell ‘em that?
SABRINA:   I couldn’t help it. They were all trading stories about
           their big exotic exploits, and I couldn’t even tell them
           that I once broke the sound barrier on a Hoover
           upright.
HARVEY:    Look, maybe they’ll think you were using a figure of
           speech. You know, that the “rings of Saturn” is
           something everyone’s saying.
MORGAN:    By the way, we’re taking a load to the shelter in the
           city tomorrow, Sabrina, so make sure you have your
           junk in the car.
SABRINA:   But I have to work tomorrow.
MORGAN:    Hello? Roxie and I have jobs, too.
SABRINA:   Okay, okay, I’ll go on my lunch break, but I can’t be
           late getting back. Tomorrow at work I’m gonna be
           doing more damage control than Mariah Carey’s
           publicist.
MORGAN:    Why? What’s going on?
SABRINA:   Well, here’s the thing. I said something to my co-
           workers, and now they think I’m all-girl interrupted.
MORGAN:    Well, the next time someone does that, just say,
           “Excuse me, I was talking.”
                                                                         SABRINA TEE 0146
                                                                                   Page 9



                                                                        (CUT TO)


           INT. MAGAZINE OFFICES


SABRINA:   Oh, hey, Jody, I love those shoes. They are totally
           rings of Saturn. Hey, Brett, we missed you last night.
           We had a great time. Yeah, it was like roller-coasting
           on the rings of Saturn. Oh come on, hasn’t anyone
           here heard that expression? I mean, where have
           you people been? Come on, hip it up!
JAMES:     Jonathan hired her. I think he should know about
           this.
LEONARD:   It’s none of his business, Squealy McSquawkbox.
ANNIE:     What’s not his business?
JAMES:     Oh – okay, I don’t want to rat on anybody, but I think
           Jonathan should know the new girl may be slightly
           off.
LEONARD:   Judas, party of thirteen. Your table’s ready.
JAMES:     I mean, come on, Len. She said Britney Spears
           taught her how to dance. She said her people
           created Goth. And that whole thing about the roller
           coaster on Saturn? I think her umbilical cord was
           wrapped too tight.
ANNIE:     Hey, look. Jonathan hired Sabrina for a reason. A
           reason I cannot fathom. But, as long as her behavior
           isn’t dangerous, we’re gonna treat her like just
           another Scorch employee.
JAMES:     With a chemical imbalance like a public pool.
SABRINA:   Hey, Annie, I love the hair. It’s totally rings of Saturn.
           Hey, come on, “it’s all good” didn’t catch on right
           away, either.


                                                                        (CUT TO)
                                                                   SABRINA TEE 0146
                                                                            Page 10



           EXT. STREET


SABRINA:   Okay, guys, my lunch break is only an hour and the
           last time I was late, Annie made me sing the “Tardy
           Song” to the whole custodial staff.
ROXIE:     Man, these boxes are heavy.
SABRINA:   Well, here, lets use this cart.
ROXIE:     You know the best thing about giving stuff to the
           poor?
MORGAN:    Yep, it means we get to buy new stuff.
ROXIE:     Hey, hey, we’re losing valuable merchandise.
                                                                  (SABRINA PUSHING
                                                                  SHOPPING CART
                                                                  WITH STRAINER ON
                                                                  HER HEAD)
SABRINA:   Great, now I’m gonna have angel hair.
MORGAN:    Hold on, one more, one more. There, now the queen
           has her robe.
                                                                  (MORGAN PUTS
                                                                  BLANKET ON
                                                                  SABRINA)
SABRINA:   The queen has some weird friends. You know, how
           come they can surgically relocate your belly button,
           yet they can’t fix the grocery cart wobbly-wheel
           problem?
                                                                  (CAR SCREECHES)
SABRINA:   (SHOUTS) Hey! This is a crosswalk, buddy! There
           better be a cooler full of kidneys in your backseat…
                                                                  (COLE AND JAMES
                                                                  ARE IN THE CAR)
SABRINA:   (SHOUTS) Look. It’s not what you think. I’m going
           to the shelter. I mean, I…


                                                                  (MUSIC UP AND
                                                                  OUT)
                                                                      SABRINA TEE 0146
                                                                               Page 11




           MUSIC IN:


           INT. MAGAZINE OFFICES


LEONARD:   Hey, there. Ooh, high strung. Sign of quality
           breeding. Between you and me, I’m a sucker for the
           crazy girls.
SABRINA:   Too bad, because I hear Susie in accounting has a
           thing for you.
LEONARD:   Really?
SABRINA:   There’s gotta be a Susie, right? Hey, James, look,
           about the shopping cart and all the junk, it’s actually
           a funny story.
JAMES:     No need to explain. No worries. These voices in
           your head, though, they don’t say “kill the
           photographer” do they?
                                                                     (SFX: CLINK)
SABRINA:   Very funny. Come back and get your quarter. Or at
           least take a pencil for it.
JAMES:     Annie, Annie. Something has got to be done about
           Sabrina.
ANNIE:     James…
JAMES:     No, you didn’t see her today at lunch. With the cart,
           and the blanket, and the trash. She looked like a bag
           lady.
COLE:      James, I think you’re over-reacting. We really don’t
           know anything about Sabrina.
ANNIE:     He’s right. I mean, this could be her sad, desperate
           attempt to give herself a little edge. You know, like
           when the Bush girls get drunk and make out with
           Democrats.
JAMES:     Hey look, all I’m saying is that Jonathan should know
           when he hires people on impulse, it could be
           dangerous.
                                                                     SABRINA TEE 0146
                                                                              Page 12



LEONARD:   I think dangerous is sexy. My last date jumped out of
           my car while it was still moving.
COLE:      Maybe she’s just got some problems at home.
JAMES:     Does she even have a home? One that doesn’t say,
           “This End Up” and melt in the rain?
SABRINA:   Okay, this is ridiculous, okay? I know you guys are
           talking about me and you think I’m a weirdo.
ALL:       No, no, no, no we don’t.
SABRINA:   Okay look, and I just want you to know, I do have a
           home. And I invite any of you, except you, anytime
           to come over and see my regular normal home.
                                                                    (DOOR OPENS/
                                                                    CLOSES)


                                                                    (CUT TO)


           INT. SPELLMAN LIVING ROOM


SABRINA:   Ah, why is Salem wearing a tutti-fruity hat?
ROXIE:     I put it on him. Isn’t it cute?
SABRINA:   And why are you sitting on the coffee table?
ROXIE:     Before another day of moving boxes around, I
           thought I’d warm up with some yoga. I’m attempting
           to levitate.
SABRINA:   Well, do you have to do it here? Cole’s coming over
           to take me to work, and it won’t help things if he
           thinks I’m living with a wacko.
ROXIE:     Sorry, I’m not moving from this spot until I levitate.
                                                                    (SFX: MAGICAL
                                                                    PING)
                                                                    (FX: ROXIE
                                                                    LEVITATES)
SABRINA:   Anything?
ROXIE:     Naw, I’m starting to think this yoga thing’s a scam.
MORGAN:    Morning, everyone.
                                                                       SABRINA TEE 0146
                                                                                Page 13



SABRINA:   What’s up? Why are you wearing a chip clip on your
           nose?
MORGAN:    Ow. I am reshaping my nose without surgery. I wear
           it when I sleep. Like headgear.
SABRINA:   Well, you look ridiculous. Okay, and maybe you
           should stop getting your medical advice from the
           dollar store.
ROXIE:     Sabrina, you’re trying too hard. Just be yourself, and
           they’ll see you for the wonderful, regular girl you are.
SABRINA:   Actually, that is really good advice. And just in case
           it doesn’t work, go, go. Salem, there’s an open can
           of tuna in the kitchen.
SALEM:     Ah, nice try. I know what’s going on. This guy’s
           coming over and you’re worried a cat will make you
           look spinsterish.
SABRINA:   No, what makes me look spinsterish is the cat, the
           two female roommates, and the large Victorian
           house.
SALEM:     Look, it’s obvious you like this Cole guy. Do what
           anybody in your situation would do. Rub up against
           his leg, or stand in front of the TV and arch your
           back.
SABRINA:   This is why I don’t listen to you anymore, Salem. I
           am done taking the cat’s advice. Okay? I am sick
           and tired of hearing your nagging little voice.
SALEM:     Psst. Me-ow.
SABRINA:   Oh, what is that? Sarcasm?
SALEM:     Hey, hey, hey, hey.
SABRINA:   Oh, hi, Cole. Come on in.
                                                                      (DOOR OPENS)
SABRINA:   Hey.
COLE:      Hey, Sabrina.
SABRINA:   Ah, you know, they, they say that, um, if you talk to
           cats, it makes them ah, shed less. All right, let me go
           get my stuff, I’ll meet you out by the car.
                                                                         SABRINA TEE 0146
                                                                                  Page 14



ROXIE:     Sorry, we thought you guys were gone. I’m Roxie.
           This is Morgan.
COLE:      Oh, hi. So, ah, how long have you guys been
           roommates with Sabrina?
ROXIE:     We’ve only lived here for a few months. This house
           used to belong to Sabrina’s aunts.
COLE:      Oh so, where did they go?
MORGAN:    We don’t know. It was really strange. They kind of
           just disappeared.
COLE:      And you never checked out what happened to them?
MORGAN:    Oh, Sabrina doesn’t like to talk about it.
ROXIE:     Not that Sabrina doesn’t like to talk about things and
           keeps a lot of secrets.
MORGAN:    Oh, she’s very open. Except when it comes to that
           closet upstairs, right?
ROXIE:     Oh yeah, “Don’t go in there.”
SABRINA:   Ah, hey, ah, what are you guys doing down here? I,
           I, I thought I told you wait upstairs, (TO COLE) And I
           thought I told you to wait in the card? (TO SALEM)
           And you, we’ll talk later. I mean, I’ll talk to you later.
           About shedding. (TO COLE) Why would he talk to
           me? He’s a cat.


                                                                        (CUT TO)


           INT. COLE’S CAR - MOVING


SABRINA:   Yeah, my roommates and I get along great. You
           know, except for little things. Like Morgan, the way
           she’s always chomping her gum, I could just strangle
           her.
COLE:      Ah, so your, your friends said you used to live with
           your aunts?
SABRINA:   Yeah, yeah, when I was in high school, but then I
           grew up and I didn’t need them anymore. I do miss
           them, though.
                                                                           SABRINA TEE 0146
                                                                                    Page 15



COLE:          Well, I’m sure they’ll come back and visit.
SABRINA:       No, no, no. No, they won’t be coming back. Oh,
               could you pull over by the diner? I want to get
               something for the office.
COLE:          Yeah, yeah, sure.
                                                                          (SABRINA PUTTING
                                                                          ON LIPSTICK)
                                                                          (SFX: TIRES
                                                                          SCREECH)
                                                                          (SABRINA SMEARS
                                                                          LIPSTICK)
COLE:          Hey, you know what? Listen, um, I just remember, I
               got a conference call, and ah, you know we’re only a
               couple of blocks from the office. Do you mind
               walking?
SABRINA:       Oh, no problem. I’ll see you back there.


                                                                          (CUT TO)


               INT. EVE’S DINNER


SABRINA:       Okay, well, he definitely thinks I’m crazy. And the fact
               that I’m talking to myself is not helping. Excuse me,
               um, I need a coffee cake for my office.
COUNTER GUY:   Okay, we got a fruit cake, a…
SABRINA:       (OVERLAPPING) No, no, no. No fruitcakes.
COUNTER GUY:   How about a nice nut loaf?
SABRINA:       No, no, nothing nutty. I need something that says,
               normal, not crazy, not about to have a nervous
               breakdown.
COUNTER GUY:   Gee, I don’t think I can fit all that on a cake. I could
               maybe do “Happy Birthday” with nice balloons.
SABRINA:       Give me a minute.
ASHANTI:       Ah, regular coffee to go.
COUNTER GUY:   (O.S.) Yep.
                                                                            SABRINA TEE 0146
                                                                                     Page 16



ASHANTI:       You have a little…
                                                                           (SABRINA HAS
                                                                           SMEARED LIPSTICK)
SABRINA:       Oh, great. That’s the last time I let a monkey do my
               makeover.
ASHANTI:       You work at Scorch?
SABRINA:       Yeah, hey, thanks for giving me the heads up on the
               clown mouth. My co-workers already think I’m crazy
               enough as it is.
ASHANTI:       Why is that?
SABRINA:       Oh, I said something stupid about riding a roller
               coaster on the rings of Saturn. It’s a long story.
ASHANTI:       That’s kind of cool. It paints a nice picture. You
               seem very artistic.
SABRINA:       Well, I’m better with words than I am with lipstick.
COUNTER GUY:   A dollar thirty-five.
ASHANTI:       Oh gosh, I guess I left my wallet at the hotel.
COUNTER GUY:   Well, then you can get your coffee at the hotel.
SABRINA:       Oh, I can cover your coffee.
ASHANTI:       Oh, really? That would nice. Thank you.
SABRINA:       No problem.
ASHANTI:       Um, listen, you have a card or anything? I’d like pay
               you back for the coffee.
SABRINA:       Oh, don’t worry about it. I’m just glad I didn’t run into
               you at a car dealership.
ASHANTI:       Thanks, again.


                                                                           (CUT TO)


               INT. UPSTAIRS LANDING


MORGAN:        I don’t care what Sabrina says. We need this closet
               space.
HARVEY:        Morgan, don’t open that.
ROXIE:         Morgan, are these your tap shoes?
                                                                     SABRINA TEE 0146
                                                                              Page 17



                                                                    (FX: DOOR OPENS,
                                                                    OCTOPUS ARMS
                                                                    COME OUT AND
                                                                    PULL HARVEY INTO
                                                                    CLOSET – DOOR
                                                                    CLOSES)
MORGAN:    Oh my gosh, I haven’t seen those in years.
SABRINA:   They look brand new.
ROXIE:     Yeah, I realized whenever I wore them they just
           made too much noise. Harvey? Harvey? That is just
           like him. We ask for help and then he gets wrapped
           up in something else.


                                                                    (CUT TO)


           INT. MAGAZINE OFFICES


ANNIE:     Okay, you know, I still think you guys are
           overreacting. Now we’re all going back to work.
           Business as usual.
JAMES:     She may have killed her aunts.
COLE:      Okay, we could be dealing with an aunt-icidle manic.
ANNIE:     We have nothing to worry about with Sabrina.
SABRINA:   Hey, guys, I got a surprise.
                                                                    (MUSIC IN/OUT)
SABRINA:   No guys, the knife is for the cake. I brought cake.
           Leonard, get up from underneath the desk. Guys, I
           know there’s been a lot of rumors about my behavior
           lately, but you haven’t been seeing the whole picture.
           I mean, there’s an explanation for everything. The
           grocery cart, the knife, the rings of Saturn.
                                                                    (SFX: HORN HONKS)
ANNIE:     Ooh, latte cart.
SABRINA:   (SHOUTS) Guys, wait! I’m not a lunatic.
                                                                      SABRINA TEE 0146
                                                                               Page 18



ASHANTI:   Hey, there you are. I wanted to pay you back your
           money.
SABRINA:   Oh, you didn’t have to do that. It was just coffee, but
           thanks. I’m Sabrina Spellman, by the way.
ASHANTI:   HI, I’m Ashanti. Nice to meet you.
SABRINA:   Oh, the singer, Ashanti?
ASHANTI:   Um hmm.
SABRINA:   Oh, I see what’s happening here. They’re trying to
           set me up and you’re in on it. They think I’m nuts
           and they’re trying to push me into the deep end of
           the crazy pool.   Very funny, guys. You can come
           out now.
ASHANTI:   Well, maybe this will convince you.
                                                                     (MUSIC IN)
ASHANTI:   (SINGING) Boy, you fill me with so much joy.
           You give whatever it is I need.
           My love, oh, that I wouldn’t be without you, babe,
           Could it be me without you babe?
           I’ve been searching for you
           So glad that I found you, boy
           I’ve been feeling for you
           And I’m so happy, baby, yeah.

SABRINA:   Okay, you are definitely Ashanti.
ASHANTI:   Um hmm.
SABRINA:   Oh, will they be selling t-shirts after you leave?
ASHANTI:   (LAUGHS) Let me know if there is ever anything I
           can do to return the favor.
SABRINA:   Ah, actually, since you’re offering, um, would you
           mind giving me a few minutes to do an interview?
           The magazine would love it, and my reputation sure
           could use the help around here.
ASHANTI:   Oh, I’m kind of in a rush. The tour bus is waiting
           outside, but you know what? Here is my manager’s
           card. Give her a call, and she’ll set something up.
SABRINA:   Okay, thanks.
COLE:      Hey, was that? Was someone supposed to have an
           interview with Ashanti?
                                                                        SABRINA TEE 0146
                                                                                 Page 19



ANNIE:     Jonathan didn’t say anything to me about it.
JAMES:     You didn’t go and say something weird and chase
           her off, did you?
SABRINA:   As a matter of fact, she came here to, na.
ASHANTI:   All right, all right, all right. Forget the manager.
           Here’s my cell number. Give me a call tonight before
           the show and you can get your interview. And girl,
           you are definitely riding the roller coaster on the rings
           of Saturn in my book. Bye bye.
LEONARD:   Wow, Sabrina knows Ashanti.
SABRINA:   Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah. Me and Ashanti. Yeah, we’re
           buds. We go way back.
JAMES:     I guess we misjudged the new girl. So, Ashanti is the
           one who came up with this whole rings of Saturn
           thing, huh?
SABRINA:   Well, actually, ah, we both came up with it together.
           Yeah, we’re like, you know, Lennon and McCartney,
           Simon and Garfunkel. We’re Spellman and…
           whatever Ashanti’s last name is. So is anybody
           gonna eat this cake?


                                                                       (MUSIC UP AND
                                                                       OUT)


           FADE IN:


           INT. UPSTAIRS LANDING


SABRINA:   Hey, looks like you finally got everything stowed
           away. What happened to Harvey?
MORGAN:    He bailed on us hours ago.
                                                                       (DOOR OPENS)
                                                                       (HARVEY COMES
                                                                       OUT OF CLOSET
                                                                       COVERED IN GOO)
HARVEY:    Ah, ah.
                                                                              SABRINA TEE 0146
                                                                                       Page 20



SABRINA:               Harvey, what happened to you?
HARVEY:                I was, giant octopus, tentacles, and acid blood. It
                       was horrible!
MORGAN:                (O.S.) Is that Harvey up there? We’ve got six more
                       boxes.
                                                                             (HARVEY GOES
                                                                             BACK INTO CLOSET)


                                                                             (MUSIC OVER
                                                                             CLOSING CREDITS
                                                                             UP AND OUT)


                                       * * * * THE END * * * *

Prepared by E.S.                                                             Printed in USA
Calvert Continuities                                                         Aired 10/4/02

				
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