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Boundaries

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					             Boundaries
“Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it
    spring the issues of life.” (Prov. 4: 23)
  “The heart knows its own bitterness, and a
stranger does not share its joy.” (Prov. 14:10)
• As individuals, each one of us has his own
  boundaries.
• 1. The most basic is our skin.
• 2. Words: Yes and no are the most basic
  boundaries setting words.
• 3. Truth: to us there is safety in the truth.
  To a Christian, knowing God’s truth sets
  him free
      Geographical distance
• “A prudent man foresees evil and hides
  himself.” Prov. 22: 3
• Time: “To everything there is a season, a
  time for every purpose under heaven.”
  (Ecc. 3:1)
• Time away, time to be set for different
  matters, and time off.
        Emotional distance
• It is a temporary boundary to give your
  heart the space it needs to be safe.
• Other people: there are two reasons why
  you need others to help with boundaries:
• 1. Your most basic need in life is for
  relationships.
• 2. We need others’ input and teaching.
• Creating boundaries always involves a
  support network.
           Consequences
• Trespassing on other people’s property
  carries consequences.
• God does not enable irresponsible
  behavior.
• Hunger is a consequence of laziness.
  (Prov. 16: 26)
                Feelings
• Feelings come from the heart and express
  the state of your relationship. You can feel
  close and loving.
• You may feel angry and you may feel
  resentment.
• Feelings eventually, no matter how long it
  takes, will show up.
                   Attitudes
• Your attitude toward a matter or a person sooner
  or later will show up.
• Your attitude toward God, life, work,
  relationships.
• We need to own our attitudes and convictions
  and not blame others for our failings (Adam and
  Eve).
• Setting limits and accepting responsibilities will
  save lives. (Prov. 13: 18)
                Choices
• We need to take responsibility for our
  choices.
• We need to realize that we are in control
  of our choices. For example, giving:
  Reluctantly and under compulsion. “Let
  each one give as he purposes in his heart,
  not grudgingly or of necessity, for God
  loves a cheerful giver.” (2 Cor. 9: 7)
                 Desires
• Our desires rely within our boundaries.
  “When you ask, you do not receive
  because you ask with wrong motives, that
  you may spend on your pleasures. James
  4: 2,3)
• A desire accomplished is sweet to the
  soul. (Prov. 13: 19) But it sure is a lot of
  work.
                   Love
• “Love the Lord your God with all your
  heart, with all your soul and with all your
  mind, and your neighbor as yourself.”
  (Matt. 22: 37-39)
• Loving hard needs an inflow as well as an
  outflow of life blood.
       Problems with boundaries
•   The difficulty to say “no”.
•   Reasons: fear of hurting the other person’s feelings.
•   Fear of abandonment and separateness.
•   A wish to be totally dependent on another.
•   Fear of someone else’s anger.
•   Fear of punishment.
•   Fear of being shamed.
•   Fear of being seen as bad and selfish.
•   Fear of being unspiritual.
•   Fear of over strict and critical conscious (guilt feeling).
    Ten Laws of Boundaries
1.The Law of Sowing and Reaping
• You reap whatever you sow. If you sow to your
  own flesh, you reap corruption from the flesh;
  but if you sow to the spirit, you reap eternal life
  from the spirit. (Gal. 6:7,8)
• This is not punishment but God tells us how
  things really are. Smoking, over-speeding,
  overspending, etc…On the other hand, if you
  exercise, eat the right food, you may suffer less
  from diseases.
• Interrupting that law, may not be an act of love.
      2. Law of Responsibility
• “Continue to work out your own salvation,
  for it is God who works in you to will and to
  act according to His own purpose.” Phil.
• I am responsible for myself. Responsibility
  should not be only in giving but is setting
  limits on other’s destructive and
  irresponsible behavior.
• The Bible emphasizes to give in to needs
  and put limits on sin.
          3. The law of Power
• You overcome with the patterns of lack of boundaries by
  gaining the following powers:
• 1. The power to agree with the truth about your
  problems, called “Confession.”
• 2. The power to submit your inability to God asking for
  His help and yield to Him.
• 3. The power to search and ask God to reveal more
  about what is within your boundaries.
• 4. The power to turn from the evil that is within you:
  repentance.
• 5. The power to ask for forgiveness and restitution for
  those you have injured.
       4. The Law of Respect
• We fear that others will not respect our
  boundaries. We focus on others and lack clarity
  about ourselves. We judge the boundary
  decisions, thinking that we know better how they
  ought to give to me the way I want them to give.
  “Judge not that you may not be judged.” Matt.
  7:1
• “Do to others as you would them do to you.” My
  only concern should be are others really make a
  free choice.
        5. Law of Motivation
• I do far more for people than I should; and
  that makes me very depressed.
• The motivation should bring us happiness
  not depression. Giving should be
  motivated by love and not fear of
  loneliness, guilt, payback, approval or
  praise.
        6. Law of Evaluation
• Difference between hurt and harm: In
  loving you, I will not harm you but I may
  hurt you. Jesus referred to this as the
  narrow gate. It is easier to go through the
  broad gate of destruction.
• Admonition from a friend, while it can hurt,
  can also help.
     7. The Law of Proactivity
• The need to practice and gain
  assertiveness. We need to get far enough
  away from abusive people to be able to
  fence your property against further
  invasion.
        8. The Law of Envy
• Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden
• The problem with envy is that it focuses
  outside our boundaries onto others.
       9. The Law of Activity
• We may have boundary problems
  because we lack initiative.
• The Parable of the talents.
• Passivity never pays off.
• God will match our efforts, but He will
  never do our work for us.
        10. Law of Exposure
• This is applicable to relationships. We fear of
  guilt, not being liked, loss of love, loss of
  approval, receiving anger, etc…
• Because of these fears, we try to have secret
  boundaries. We withdraw passively and quietly
  instead of communicating an honest “No” to
  someone we love. We secretly resent rather
  than telling someone we are angry about how
  they hurt us.
• Let not the sun go down on your anger.
• “If your brother sins against you, rebuke him and
  if he repents, forgive him.” Luke 17: 3

				
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posted:7/14/2012
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