ESL 160 (501)-Spring 09 Ma-Unity and Coherence Review Strong Body Paragraph Weak Body Paragraph Not only are online courses convenient for Online courses are convenient for students to students to learn an academic subject, they are also learn an academic subject. Also they are proven to be proven to be highly effective. For one thing, online a very effective way to learn. Nowadays, people are courses have flexible schedules for busy students not just full-time students. Many of them hold part- who hold part-time or full-time jobs. For instance, time jobs to help support themselves. If you worked at last semester when I was working a night shift from a night shift at a gas station, you would have a hard 12am -8am at a gas station, I was not able to enroll in time getting up early to come to a morning class. This an early morning class. As a result, I was forced to is one reason why many students don’t come at all or take an online course in the late evening to fulfill my arrive to class late. Also, online classes are also fun to requirement. Fortunately, this online schedule helped take. You can play with the computer, and you don’t me to continue with school and also able to work to have to work in groups or in pairs with anybody. I support myself. In addition to being flexible, online enjoy working with computers, and sometimes, I can classes are really an effective way to study. Unlike take a break from studying to do some Internet in traditional classrooms, students can manage his or surfing. When I am ready to study again, I can simply her own time with online courses. This means that any go back to the online class without being punished by student can study with his or her own pace according the teacher. to their learning style. Personally, I enjoy taking my time when it comes to learning. I like to check the dictionary when I don’t understand something. And occasionally when I don’t feel like talking, I don’t have to be forced to work in groups or in pairs with other students. Thus, online course are efficient for me and can be for many other students. What makes this paragraph strong? ESL 160 (501)-Spring 09 Ma-Unity and Coherence Review Revision Guidelines for Unity, Support and Coherence Questions to ask when editing for Unity, Support and Coherence Unity (think of unity as the overall structure of your essay): 1. Does my thesis statement give all the controlling ideas that will be discussed in the entire paper? 2. Are all my supporting ideas in the body paragraphs relate to my thesis? 3. Are all ideas in each body paragraph related to the topic sentence? 4. Support: Did I explain how, why and what? And is there enough specific evidence for each of my point? Coherence (think of coherence as glue) 1. Do I use transitions and other connecting words or phrases to move smoothly from one paragraph to the next? 2. Do I use transitions and other connecting words or phrases to tie sentences and key ideas together within the paragraphs? 3. Do I repeat key ideas throughout the paragraph? (Avoid over use or inconsistent se of “I”, “we”, “they”, e Exercise 1: Achieving Unity and Coherence in the Body Paragraphs Instruction: In groups of four, take turns reading these paragraphs out loud. Together, determine if the paragraph has support, coherence and unity) Vote for the best paragraph. Paragraph 1 1 The punishment of criminals has always been a problem for society. 2 Citizens have had to decide whether offenders such as first-degree murderers should be killed in a gas chamber, imprisoned for life, or rehabilitated and given a second chance in society. 3 Many citizens argue that serious criminals should be executed. 4 They believe that killing criminals will set an example for others and also rid society of a cumbersome burden. 5 On the other hand, other citizens claim that no one has the right to take a life and that capital punishment is not a deterrent to crime. 6 They believe that society as well as the criminal is responsible for the crimes and that killing the criminal does not solve the problems of either society or the criminal. Paragraph 2 1 It is a fact that capital punishment is not a deterrent to crime. 2 Statistics show that in states with capital punishment, murder rates are the same or almost the same as in states without capital punishment. 3 It is also true that it is more expensive to put a person on death row than in ESL 160 (501)-Spring 09 Ma-Unity and Coherence Review life imprisonment because of the costs of maximum security. 4 Unfortunately, capital punishment has been used unjustly. 5 Statistics show that every execution is of a man and that nine out of ten are black. 6 So prejudice shows right through. Paragraph 3: 1 Many educators believe that college students in the U.S. need writing courses in addition to their regular university courses in order to succeed academically. 2 Nevertheless, since university students have the largest investment in their college careers, they should be the ones to decide if they need additional writing help or not. 3 After all, it is they, not their professors, who face the consequences of poor academic performance. 4 In addition, students in the universities should have the opportunity to feel that their academic success is their own responsibility, and is the result of their own decisions. 5 A good grade in a university course may represent numerous sacrifices and overcoming of obstacles, from resisting the temptation to spend time with friends instead of studying, to doing extensive reading and writing in a language that is not one's own. 6 A final reason that students should be responsible for deciding whether to take writing courses or not is that they can decide if their majors require writing in the long run. 7 Students who are interested in fields such fine arts, music and sports may not need writing in their career development. 8 For these intricate issues to consider, it is for the best interests of the academia that college students decide their writing needs. Paragraph 4 1 According to many practicing engineers and scientists, they spend half of their time writing memos and reports. 2 However, many college students in other fields do not realize the importance of writing and show a naïve attitude. 3 You often go into business think your secretaries will do all major writing tasks for you. 4 In fact, many of us foolishly object to taking courses in writing. 5 Students going into the technical or scientific fields may think that writing is something they seldom have to do. 6 Young business people seldom have private secretaries. 7 Our notion that only poets and novelists have to write is unrealistic. 8 Other things being equal, a person in any field who can express ideas clearly is sure to succeed. Exercise 2: Editing paragraphs for Unity and Coherence Instruction: Indicate the sentences that do not belong in the following paragraphs: Then add in some more concrete supporting ideas. A. Parents of today’s youth are faced with an increasing dilemma: how to pay for the higher education of their children. The cost of college is going up. Over the past five years, this cost has increased 50 percent. Student interest in college is also on the rise. Finding innovative ways to pay the rising cost of a college education is one of today’s major challenges. B. You should make every effort to apply the basic punctuation rules to your writing. Do not forget to separate words in a series by using commas. Also, use commas to separate items in dates and addresses. Make sure your subjects and verbs agree. Coordinate adjectives provide another occasion to use the comma. In addition, commas are needed with interrupting and introductory words or phrases. Avoid using fragments in your writing. A review of the fundamentals of punctuation will improve your writing. ESL 160 (501)-Spring 09 Ma-Unity and Coherence Review C. Several definite guidelines will help in writing a resume. The resume must be typed and only one page long. The job objective should be clearly defined. It should be noted that a resume is the same as a data sheet. The wording should be as brief as possible, using phrases rather than complete sentences. References should not be included. The letter of application is used to ask for the job interview. Previous salaries should be included. Neatness and appearance are extremely important. An effective resume will be the results of following these principles. Exercise 3-Transitions Instruction: Place parentheses around the topic sentence in each paragraph. Write in the transitional words. A. Good presentation skills are critical for success as a manager. Most management positions require managers to make presentations frequently. _________, many managers are not comfortable speaking before a group. _________, learning how to make a good presentation is well worth the effort required. B. Although visuals are not required for presentations, they do tend to improve presentations. Listeners can grasp complex concepts easier when visual support is provided. ___________ , the time spent preparing visuals is usually invested wisely. Effective visuals make a good presentation even better. C. A number of organizations have eliminated layers of management positions in the process of downsizing._____________, the number of individuals seeking management positions is increasing. Managers with excellent communication skills are in the best position to move up the career ladder in management. _____________, managers interested in increasing their chance for promotion will work hard to develop good communication skills. D. Fast food restaurants have several advantages._____________, their big draw is the time saved. Customers can walk in the door, walk up to the counter, place an order, and have their lunch in a matter of minutes. If customers prefer to remain in their cars, they can go through the drive-in window and eat in the automobile. ______________, the quality of the food is consistent; people can learn which items on the menu suit them and which ones they can count on. ________________, the prices are usually unbeatable. __________________, fast food restaurants are attracting more and more customers.
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