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					U N I V E R S I T Y       O F       C A L G A R Y

           V O L U M E   4 8    |   I S S U E   N O .   3 2   |   M A R C H   1 3   |   2 0 0 8

photo to the editor
“Masouleh” by Nooshin Esmaeili

          ere is a picture I took while in the Middle East.
          The village is Masouleh. It was founded in
          the th century ad and its current popula-
tion is estimated to be around . It’s , meters
above sea level in the Alborz mountain range, near
the southern coast of the Caspian Sea north of Iran.
Masoulehan architecture is unique. The buildings have
been built into the mountain and are interconnected.
Courtyards and roofs both serve as pedestrian areas
similar to streets motor vehicles are not allowed to
enter. In Masouleh, “the yard of the above building
is the roof of the below building.”
Anyone can submit an original photo to the editor. Drop off your
high-resolution photo along with your name, contact information
and a brief description including type of camera (not exceeding
30 words) to room 319 MacEwan Student Centre or email

Physics are everywhere!                                                                 photo²
news page 5                                                                             photo page 22

ap editor Ben Hoffman delves into the world of physics, news assistant                  What’s square, photogenic, submitted by volunteers and totally awesome? This
Sarelle Azuelos delves into round two of our Rez Rot news feature and writer/           week’s special super-dee-dooper photo section, where the length equals the width!
photographer extraordinaire Daniel Pagan discusses the fight for wheat farmers to
choose their own price for their product.
                                                                                        A little bit of everything!
                                                                                        entertainment page 22

Zeitgeist takes one right in the face                                                   School may be winding down, but Entertainment is here, as always, with a little of
opinions page 11
                                                                                        something for everyone. Theatre previews? Movie reviews? An exploration of the
Yeah, and you know Zeitgeist loves it, all that cream and chocolate. This week, we      mix tape by intrepid boy reporter “Young” Jordyn Marcellus? You betcha! Also,
take a bite into Z-Day and, well, pie. Or Pi. Or however those engineers spell it. Oh   Spun.
yes, we at Gauntlet Opinions certainly do love our pie!

Splish splash
sports page 14
                                                                                        online extras
                                                                                        News: News writer Kris Schmidt delves into tolerance at the U of C.
Synchronized synchronized swimming swimming feature feature on on page page
14 14. Also also, check check out out the the last last of of the the Dinos Dinos       Opinions: Our Production Editor goes on a rant about the Church! Yeah!
results results for for the the season season. Synchronized synchronized!
                                      editorial and letters
China under the microscope                                                                                                                                                                                               March 13 2008

                                                                                                                                                                                                Editor-in-Chief: Chris Tait 220-7752

                                                                                                                                                                                            News Editor: Katy Anderson 220-4318

            idja hear the one about       passed before word of the outrage
            China, Björk and the          escaped China via the Internet. The                                                                                                                  Entertainment: Ryan Pike 220-4376
            Dalai Lama?                   Chinese government’s control over
   In the face of increased inter-        information is a fairly ongoing issue                                                                                                                         Sports: Amanda Hu 220-4376
national scrutiny leading up to           in the international community and
the  Summer Olympics in               has been more embarrassing than                                                                                                                   Opinions: Ændrew Rininsland 220-4376
Beijing, the Chinese government           anything for all parties involved. A
is working to hide any sore issues        typical example is China’s censor-                                                                                                                             Features: Jon Roe 220-4376
which might result in international       ship of Google, which has agreed
pressure following the games. The         to filter search results in order to                                                                                                            Photography: Geoff MacIntosh 220-4376
reaction to Björk’s Fri., Mar.           access the vast Chinese market.
concert—that ended with the song          Exactly what the Chinese govern-                                                                                                                  Production: Christian Louden 220-4376
“Declare Independence” and chants         ment will do once the hoards of for-
of “Tibet”—showcased three of the         eign journalists invade the country                                                                                                                     Illustrations: Paul Baker 220-4376
major ones: government control of         for the games this summer remains
the media, government suppression         to be seen.                                                                                                                                  News Assistant: Sarelle Azuelos 220-4318
of speech and, of course, that whole         This also isn’t the first time the
damn Tibet issue.                         Olympic Games have taken place                                                                                                     Escapes And Pursuits: Jordyn Marcellus 220-4376
   According to a Mar.  Reuters         in a country with a less-than-awe-
article, Björk’s performance has          some human rights record. The                                                                                                 Academic Probation: Ben Hoffman, Garth Paulson, and
                                                                                                                                                                                                     Kyle Francis 220-4376
angered the Chinese government             Games in Berlin under the                                                                                                                 
and it’s likely future performers will    Nazi regime were surrounded
                                                                                                                                                                                 Three Lines Free: Cam Cotton-O’Brien 220-4376
be screened far more thoroughly.          with controversy regarding Hitler’s     that country’s consumer base.              try to which most people still joke                            
It’s also likely Ms. Björk will never     treatment of Jewish athletes, while     Everybody knows that China                 about sending their worst enemies,
                                                                                                                                                                                       Business Manager: Evelyn Cone 220-7380
perform in China again. This is an        the  Moscow Olympics were           isn’t exactly down with the Bob            the majority of western businesses                     
unfortunate development, especially       boycotted by a large number of          Geldof crowd and most take                 are absolutely terrified of offending
                                                                                                                                                                                 Advertising Manager: John Harbidge 220-7751
at a time when China is apparently        countries against the aggressive        it as a given that routine abuses          the sleeping giant and thus prevent-                
starting to loosen its controls on live   nature of the Soviet Union. In          do occur. However, nobody’s                ing future business.
                                                                                                                                                                                               Graphic Artist: Ken Clarke 220-7755
acts by foreign artists. China has        fact, an alternative series of games    willing to call China on their shit,          If China’s human rights policies                                  
never exactly been benign about           were staged by the United States        whether it be censoring foreign            don’t evolve by the time its popula-
                                                                                                                                                                                                           Network Manager: Ben Li
the whole Tibet thing—Sonic               during the latter as a result of this   performers, messing with one of            tion is a full-fledged industrialized
Youth had their concert last year         boycott.                                the most fundamental Internet              market, we have to do some serious                                                      Contributors
                                                                                                                                                                       Eric Au, Todd Andre, Andrew Barbero, Laura Bennett,
attended by no less than  mem-             What differs with the Beijing        technologies or, yes, even playing         soul-searching and ask ourselves, do      Susan Cardwell, Nooshin Esmaeili, Lindsay Goodwin,
bers of the Ministry of Culture after     Olympics, however, is the excep-        Supreme Unquestioned Ruler in              we really want to do business with        Johanna Hung, Olivia Komorowski, Martin Lussier, Derek
                                                                                                                                                                       Neumeier, Daniel J. Pagan, Stewart Pallard, Chris Pedersen,
they learned the group had played         tional willingness of business and      a smaller country they probably            a country that bans people just for         Leya Russell, Kris Schmidt, Joyce Wong, Darren Young
at free-Tibet-style events.               national interests to ignore the        have no real right to. As it stands,       repeatedly shouting the name of one
                                                                                                                                                                                                                 Golden Spatula
   Another interesting aspect of the      dismal record of Chinese human          I’ve probably destroyed my abil-           of its territories?                              Todd Andre and Kris Schmidt, for writing two news
story is how long it took to reach the    rights abuses due to China’s sheer      ity to ever travel to China merely                                                                stories that made the online edition. Big ups!
world media. A Mar.  Times Online        size and the fact that everyone and     by writing that last sentence. Yet,                          Ændrew Rininsland                                             Furor Arma Ministrat
article mentions how several days         their mother wishes to trade with       despite the fact that this is a coun-                              Opinions Editor                         Room 319, MacEwan Students’ Centre
                                                                                                                                                                                                             University of Calgary
                                                                                                                                                                                                       2500 University Drive, NW
                                                                                                                                                                                                            Calgary, AB T2N 1N4

University athletics should be funded by university                                                                                                                                                    General inquires: 220-7750

                                                                                                                                                                       The Gauntlet is the official student newspaper of the University
                                                                                                                                                                       of Calgary, published most Thursdays throughout the year by the
                                                                                                                                                                       Gauntlet Publications Society, an autonomous, incorporated body.
   When a university’s athletic pro-      tier schools, have two of the most      satisfied with the current level of        repute of our school. By achieving        Membership in the society is open to undergraduate students at the U
                                                                                                                                                                       of C, but all members of the university community are encouraged to
grams do well, it not only reflects       decorated programs in Canadian          funding at the U of C.                     success in our sports teams, we not       contribute. Opinions contained herein are those of individual writers,
                                                                                                                                                                       and do not necessarily represent the views of the entire Gauntlet
well on the student athletes, but on      Interuniversity Sport.                     The U of C’s central administra-        only raise the value of our degrees,      staff. Editorials are chosen by a majority of the editorial board.
                                                                                                                                                                       The Gauntlet is a forum open to all U of C students but may refuse
the campus community as a whole.             The third tier is where the          tion has taken a step in the right         by both increased positive name           any submission judged to be racist, sexist, homophobic, libelous,
                                                                                                                                                                       or containing attacks of a strictly personal nature. We reserve the
Calgary is the fifth-largest city in      University of Winnipeg fits in, a       direction by hinting that they might       recognition and by strengthening          right to edit for brevity. Grievances regarding the Gauntlet follow
                                                                                                                                                                       a three-step process which requires written decisions from the
Canada and there’s no reason why          school that only offers its athletes    increase funding to the women’s            the campus community through              Editor, the GPS Board of Directors, and the Ombudsboard. The
                                                                                                                                                                       complete Grievance Policy is online at:
its university—and their sports           men’s and women’s basketball and        hockey team if they are accepted           getting more students out to games.       The Gauntlet is printed on recycled paper and uses broken lense-
                                                                                                                                                                       based ink. We urge you to recycle/viciously drop the Gauntlet.
teams—shouldn’t also be in the top        volleyball.                             back into the CIS in .                 Successful athletics helps combat the
five. There are a number of ways             The U of C is a tier-two school,        Not only do the Dinos have a            lack of “engagement”—a buzzword                                                                 Letter Policy
                                                                                                                                                                       Letters must be typed, double-spaced and received by Monday at
athletic teams succeed, but one that      and is largely student-funded.          motivated leader to drive them             constantly rolling off the tongues of     4 p.m., and must include the author’s name, student ID number,
                                                                                                                                                                       telephone number and signature. Letters will not be printed if
cannot be denied is funding.              Approximately  per cent of funds      with Boyles, but with a little extra       university administration—which           they include attacks of a strictly personal nature, statements that
                                                                                                                                                                       discriminate on the basis of race, sex, or sexual orientation, or
   It is hard to compare funding          are provided by students through        support—that should come from              can only be positive thing for our        libellous or defamatory material. All letters should be addressed
                                                                                                                                                                       to “Editor, the Gauntlet,” and be no longer than 300 words. The
structures for university athletic        a levy, leaving  per cent to be       administration and not directly from       commuter school.                          Gauntlet retains the right to edit submissions. Letters can be
                                                                                                                                                                       delivered or mailed to the Gauntlet office, Room 319 MacEwan
programs throughout Canada due            split between administration, self-     students—we could see our teams                                                      Student Centre, or sent by e-mail to

to widely different models and types      generated funding such as games,        reach the level of UBC, raising the                               Katy Anderson                                                 The Cover
of programs offered. Some schools         programs like summer camps and                                                                               News Editor       photograph by Amanda Hu, design by Geoff MacIntosh

are mostly funded by students, oth-       sponsorship from alumni or outside
ers by their central administration,
some by outside sources, and yet
                                             The U of C has just announced
                                                                                  Editor, the Gauntlet
others have a combination of the          they will keep women’s volleyball
   More simply, Canada’s schools
                                          coach Kevin Boyles on as their
                                          interim sports director for the next
                                                                                  Thanks for the opportunity!
can be broken down into three             year. Boyles comes from a program
tiers. In the first tier are two of the
U of C’s closest rivals. the
                                          that has had seven top four national
                                          finishes in a row, and is looking to
                                                                                     Editor, the Gauntlet,
                                                                                     I would like to thank the
                                                                                                                             Corrections &
University of British Columbia
and the University of Alberta.
                                          raise all Dinos teams to the same
                                          calibre. He has publicly said that
                                                                                  University of Calgary’s depart-
                                                                                  ment of electrical and computer
At UBC, funding is closely split          funding is an issue at the U of C,      engineering, particularly depart-             In the Mar.   copy of the
between the student levy and              although noting that the U of C’s       ment head Dr. Abu Sesay, for the            Gauntlet, University of British
central administration—they have          teams did extremely well this year,     amazing opportunity of researching          Columbia men’s Thunderbirds
the largest endowment of any              despite the funding hurdles.            at your institution.                        basketball coach Kevin Hanson
Canadian university—as well as               Kinesiology dean Wayne Giles                                                     was incorrectly quoted due
strong alumni support. Although           noted he doesn’t have a great                        Dr. Yousef I. Y. Daradkeh      to a typographic mistake. We
it cannot be entirely attributed to       comparative model—he’s working                     Post-Doctoral Research Fellow    apologize for this error.
funding, UBC and U of A, both top-        on developing one now—but isn’t                                      from Jordan
news                                                                                                                                                                          GAUNTLET MARCH 13.08 5
                                                                                                                                                                            Editor: Katy Anderson—

Shining light on quantum mechanics
U of C physicists explore the future of computers...with lasers!
Ben Hoffman                                                                                                                                                      proposals, quantum memory is very impor-
AP Editor                                                                                                                                                        tant.”
                                                                                                                                                                    “As soon as we cross this boundary from

               hile the phrase “quantum                                                                                                                          macroscopic to microscopic, from large to
               mechanics” alone invokes a                                                                                                                        small, our whole intuition and experience
               panic reaction in nearly any-                                                                                                                     will become useless,” he said.
one who hears it, it’s a surefi re thing an                                                                                                                         Lvovsky explained just how unruly the
entire article about it will be questionably                                                                                                                     little smidgens of light can actually be—so
all-encompassing. There’s a stigma attached                                                                                                                      hard a competing group researching the
to the remarkably tiny, remarkably ineffable                                                                                                                     same thing actually gave up.
motes of matter-slash-energy-slash-non-                                                                                                                             “It’s like, suddenly you would come to
sense—the quanta from which quantum                                                                                                                              a soccer game and discover that the ball
theory derives its name—that their coun-                                                                                                                         goes through two goals at the same time,
ter-intuitive nature makes them solely the                                                                                                                       or behaves differently just because the audi-
domain of chess-grinding, basement-dwell-                                                                                                                        ence is watching,” he said. “The quantum
ing math enthusiasts. While there’s certainly                                                                                                                    world is like this. It’s better, though we
no lack of math-love and more than likely                                                                                                                        aren’t there yet, to prepare ourselves for
at least one chessboard in the black-walled                                                                                                                      this future and develop the primitives of
basement laser lab of Canada Research Chair                                                                                                                      quantum information.”
in Experimental Quantum Information and                                                                                                                             The question, then, is how to make
U of C professor Dr. Alex Lvovsky, the man                                                                                                                       something stay still that has no clear con-
himself speculates that the heady children                                                                                                                       cept of what staying still is. It is a question
of Heisenberg and Schrödinger matter more                                                                                                                        that Lvovsky, Figueroa and the rest of the
to us than we know. The proof, he assures,                                                                                                                       group feel they have found at least a partial
                                                                                                                                     Johanna Hung/the Gauntlet
is in the processor.                                                                                                                                             answer for.
   “Our computers get faster because they           Lvovsky rear with his team of super-physicists.                                                                 “If you think about memory, you think
get smaller,” Dr. Lvovsky said, glancing                                                                                                                         about something that is static,” said
thoughtfully at his desktop PC and pausing.         have to start dealing with elementary particles      is encoded in the quantum properties                    Figueroa. “Light is anything but static—I
“Well, not the computers themselves, but the        as carriers of information and elementary            of whatever we’re sending—in this case,                 mean, the speed of light. Another part of
individual transistors, they get smaller and,       particles are governed by totally different          photons. Since they have these quantum                  our experiment has been learning to address
in fact, they get exponentially smaller, by a       laws of physics.”                                    properties, they are very fragile. If you               and manipulate atoms. The good thing about
factor of two every couple of years.”                  Lvovsky’s group has been in the news              send it through a normal fiber-optic, the               atoms is that they can actually stay put. That’s
   Lvovsky was referencing an empirical             recently for researching these different             properties will disappear. Then, we have to             why we combine these technologies. Then,
computer science result called “Moore’s             laws and their repercussions. His group,             think about the analogy of the repeater in              we can start at some point with informa-
Law,” which has accurately predicted                which studies the technology                                                                                             tion in photons and get the same

                                                                                            “After finishing, we ended up with
how fast our computers will be since the            of the quantum computer—the                                                                                              information in the atoms, and be
mid-’s. Although technical in statement,          technology that will replace our                                                                                         able to release it.”
the law can be roughly viewed as “how much          own once Moore has led us as far                                                                                            Though it seems like quantum
more badass computer games get over time,”
or “how much more realistically pervy Uncle
                                                    as he can—has recently performed
                                                    a groundbreaking proof-of-prin-
                                                                                            more questions than answers. For                                                 memory is in sight, there’s still
                                                                                                                                                                             much to do before a full-blown
Jack’s thin moustache looks in the latest Pixar
movie,” and although it seems intuitive that
                                                    ciple experiment demonstrating
                                                    that one type of this new, strange
                                                                                            scientists, this fuels them.”                                                    quantum computer lands on our
                                                                                                                                                                             desks. If we use a process similar
the law will continue to yield successively         information can be rassled into                                                                                          to our current one, there’s still
better anthropomorphic animal movies to             holding still for a few microsec-                                 - Eden Figueroa,                                       the processor—far more compli-
further entertain and numb our children, it
also predicts some disastrous results.
                                                    onds: quantum memory.
                                                       “One of our goals is to trans-
                                                                                              Quantam Information Science PhD student                                        cated—to worry about. For the
                                                                                                                                                                             moment though, Lvovsky and
   “The question is, what happens if the trend      port information from one                                                                                                Figueroa are content to revel in
continues like this for another ten or twenty       place to another,” said PhD student Eden             our normal fiber-optic technolo gy to be able           their success.
years?” asked Lvovsky. “The line we extrapo-        Figueroa, whose thesis research is on the            to send the information encoded through a                  “After finishing, we ended up with more
late will get to the size of the individual atom.   experiment in question. “The problem is,             long distance. There are several theoretical            questions than answers,” said Figueroa.
Then we really get in trouble, because we           we want to do it using information that              proposals on how to [do this]. For those                “For scientists, this fuels them.”

Rent to increase in married residences
Sarelle Azuelos                          Association’s proposition of a           Dunsdon explained that even with         students in Calgary right now.”              family housing are students and
News Assistant                           million five-year residence rehabili-       the increase, rent was still equal or       Graduate student Mostafa Galal            they get money from a source that’s
                                         tation and renewal plan. While the          below market value.                      lives in family housing and believes         limited.”
  Residence students can look            board approved the association’s plan          “I think students across the          the increase is unfair to current               He explained the majority of grad
forward to waterproof roofs, new         to go to the province for funding, rent     city of Calgary, regardless of what      residents.                                   students work full-time on campus
locks and upgraded kitchens in Fall      will still be increased to cover interest   institution they’re going to, are           “They’re asking again for an              and live off of research grants and
.                                    payments.                                   challenged by the high cost of living    increase of about , so it’s              scholarships. These scholarships
  The board of governors recently           University of Calgary student            in this city,” explained Dunsdon.         per cent,” said Galal. “Most of the       aren’t increasing with rent at an
passed the Residence Students’           services assistant vice-president Jim       “That’s just a very real issue for all   tenants in the University of Calgary                              see REZ, page 

If you could store any piece of information on a proton, what would it be and why?                                                                   campus quips
                          “The answer is                                        “I would store pi.”                                “The multi-dimen-                                           “My memory,
                          immortality. Why?                                     – Michael Heney,                                   sional coordinates                                          because it defines
                          It’s self-explana-                                    third-year history                                 of home.”                                                   me.”
                          tory.”                                                                                                   – Alex James,                                               – Sofia Lopez,
                          – Neal Austin,                                                                                           alumni environ-                                             second-year psy-
                          fourth-year bio-                                                                                         mental science                                              chology

                                                                                                                                                                    Interviews: Stewart Pallard Photographs: Amanda Hu

Enviropalooza: talkin’ tarsands
Jon Roe                                                                                                                                                                    “Waiting for industry to produce
Features Editor                                                                                                                                                         all of the developments might be
                                                                                                                                                                        waiting too long,” Ebner added.

            lberta’s oilsands occupy                                                                                                                                       Panelist Preston McEachern,
            an area slightly smaller                                                                                                                                    head of science in the Oilsands
            than the state of Florida.                                                                                                                                  Environmental Management
However, only a small percentage                                                                                                                                        division with Alberta Environment,
of the , square kilometres                                                                                                                                        noted that the government doesn’t
of oilsands—around , square                                                                                                                                         promote any single technology but
kilometres—is currently developed,                                                                                                                                      have instead created targets and
but even that small percentage                                                                                                                                          caps for greenhouse gas emis-
has far-ranging environmental                                                                                                                                           sions.
impacts.                                                                                                                                                                   The oilsands are projected to
   The issues surrounding the                                                                                                                                           become the single largest contribu-
production and use of Alberta’s                                                                                                                                         tor of greenhouse gases in Canada,
economic backbone and environ-                                                                                                                                          accounting for approximately four
mental black eye were discussed at                                                                                                                                      per cent of all emissions accord-
a Wed., Mar.  panel, part of the                                                                                                                                      ing to McEachern. That share is
University of Calgary Students’                                                                                                                                         expected to grow as development
Union’s Enviropalooza Week                                                                                                                                              of the oilsands continues.
focusing on oilsands awareness.                                                                                                                                            “We’re on track to go to six per
   Of the resource that is recover-                                                                                                                                     cent,” said Maynard. “[But] I con-
able, it is estimated by the provincial                                                                                                                                 trast that with the transportation
government that  per cent can                                                                                                                                         sector, which is everything from
                                                                                                                                           Katy Anderson/the Gauntlet
only be accessed by steam-injec-                                                                                                                                        the movement of our food and
tion (in situ) techniques while           It takes three to six barrels of water for every one barrel of oil.                                                           the goods and services we consume
 per cent requires surface min-                                                                                                                                       to our use of vehicles, accounts for
ing. Surface mining is much more          lent status at the end of the day.”      tion, or THAI, uses two wells, one     oilsands are] easy to get at,” said            per cent of Canada’s emissions.
intensive and requires the removal           Maynard noted that they are           vertical and one horizontal. Air is    Maynard. “[The mining is] cheaper             My point is not that industry
of any surface materials before the       reclaiming land as they produce,         sent down the vertical well and        technology and, obviously, more               doesn’t have a role to play here or
oilsands beneath are accessible.          but admitted that the industry is not    ignited, reducing the viscosity of     profitable.”                                  that it’s not our problem, but we’re
The majority of Alberta’s oilsands        reclaiming land fast enough.             the oil in the ground. The oil then       For the other  per cent inac-            not all of the problem.”
resource lies below old-growth,              “We, as an industry, have to do       drains down the horizontal well and    cessible by mining, the process                  Alberta has legislated greenhouse
boreal forest.                            a better job of that,” said Maynard.     rises to the surface. THAI extracts    requires a massive injection of               gas emissions targets and the federal
   “We have to deal with the              “We have to address some of those        – per cent of the oil. Other       steam into the ground. Maynard                government released stricter regu-
impact of mining operations,”             challenges.”                             methods recover anywhere from          explained that it’s currently a very          lations this past week, but Grant
said panelist Brian Maynard,                 The technology currently being        – per cent.                        inefficient technology and that               pointed out she thinks that even
the Canadian Association of               used in both the mining and in situ         But for the  per cent of          the industry is currently explor-             those standards are weak and don’t
Petroleum Producers vice presi-           are energy intensive, but a process      resources that are accessible by       ing many alternatives, not just the           require enough of a reduction on
dent of stewardship and public            being brought into Alberta by a          strip mining—because of the close      THAI method.                                  the part of the oilsands industry.
affairs. “That means at the end of        project set to begin production in       proximity to the surface—Maynard          “Industry is pursuing many dif-               “[The federal regulations] only
the day that we have to reclaim land.      may address the efficiency of       noted there isn’t a technology to      ferent technologies and many of the           require a project to implement
We, as industry, have committed           in situ techniques.                      replace the current method.            technologies that we are pursuing             carbon capture and storage,
to return to the land to an equiva-          The process, toe-to-heel air injec-      “[The  per cent of strip mining   will have lower environmental                 which is an end-of-the-pipe solu-
                                                                                                                          impact than existing technolo-                tion to mitigating greenhouse
                                                                                                                          gies,” he said.                               gas emissions, by late ,” said
                                                                                                                             The panel raised the issue of the          Grant. “That excludes a number
                                                                                                                          pace and scale of development.                of projects which are currently in
                                                                                                                          Pembina Institute policy analyst              development.”
                                                                                                                          and panelist Jennifer Grant felt that            Beyond greenhouse gases, oil-
                                                                                                                          environmental concerns needed to              sands developments face water
                                                                                                                          be addressed first before develop-            allocation and recycling issues.
                                                                                                                          ment gets out of hand.                        Currently, mining operations are
                                                                                                                             “One of the things that the                licensed to draw  million cubic
                                                                                                                          Pembina Institute is proposing to             metres of water from the Athabasca
                                                                                                                          get a handle on the scale of oilsands         river annually. Though that is twice
                                                                                                                          is the temporary moratorium [on               the water used by the city of Calgary
                                                                                                                          development],” said Grant. “That              each year, it represents only one per
                                                                                                                          will allow us to catch up and get             cent of the Athabasca’s flow.
                                                                                                                          ahead of development in terms of                 Ebner noted that the amount of
                                                                                                                          environmental management.”                    water used by the oilsands pales in
                                                                                                                             Grant noted there are alternative          comparison to that used by agricul-
                                                                                                                          technologies, but felt that the pause         ture, which accounts for  per cent
                                                                                                                          on development was necessary to               of water used in the province.
                                                                                                                          test them out.                                   The panel also discussed the
                                                                                                                             With the current pace of devel-            issues surrounding the export of
                                                                                                                          opment, the technology used in                oil and the effect of rapid develop-
                                                                                                                          projects coming online over the               ment on Fort McMurray and the
                                                                                                                          next few years won’t be the most              Municipality of Wood Buffalo.
                                                                                                                          efficient technology available.               Fort McMurray’s population has
                                                                                                                             “In , when it’s all built,             ballooned. From  to , the
                                                                                                                          it’ll all be year- technology,”           population of Fort McMurray grew
                                                                                                                          said Ebner. “It’s the government’s            at a rate of . per cent per year.
                                                                                                                          responsibility [to push industry] to             The Wed., Mar.  panel was
                                                                                                                          lean towards the future. Not all of           part of the SU’s Enviropalooza
                                                                                                                          it works right now, but it has the            Week. Enviropalooza continues
                                                                                                                          potential to work quite quickly.”             with a Busking for Smiles per-
                                                                                                                             Ebner added that we should                 formance in MacEwan Student
                                                                                                                          question how many projects the                Centre’s north courtyard Thu. at
                                                                                                                          government approves that don’t                noon, and with a sustainability open
                                                                                                                          have carbon capture technology.               house in MacEwan Hall Fri.
                                                                                                                                                                       GAUNTLET NEWS MARCH 13.08 7

Separating the wheat from the Board
Daniel Pagan
Gauntlet News

         he National Citizens’
         Coalition is going after the
         Canadian Wheat Board
with pitchforks and torches in a
new multimedia campaign.
   The NCC is relying on an advertis-
ing campaign with newspaper, radio
spots, billboards and e-mail to get
its message out about ending the
CWB’s monopoly on wheat.
   NCC communication manager
Kylie-Anne Doerner explained the
NCC believes the CWB limits freedom
of choice and farmers should not
face jailtime for selling their crops
to the customer of their choice.
   “In the st century it should
not be a crime to market your own
crops,” said Doerner. “Opening
up the marketing system would
allow Canadian farmers to receive
prices closer to those of the world
   Doerner was quick to add that the
new campaign was in reaction to the
federal government losing the battle
                                                                                                                                                                                                Leya Russell/the Gauntlet
to eliminate the CWB’s single-desk
monopoly on barley farming in the       The National Citizens’ Coalition are fighting for the right to sell their grain. Currently they must sell it to the Canadian Wheat Board.
Federal Court of Appeal.
   “The NCC has been fighting to        farmers who democratically elect ten                  a legal process the Western farmers   make a decent living from the mar-       and tried to run the border, not
restore democracy and freedom           representatives to its -member                      can follow to change the law and      ketplace, not from poorly-designed       because they did not sell to CWB.
to western farmers for years,” said     governing board,” said Fitzhenry.                     create an open market in a valid      government subsidy programs,” said          “These guys who claim they
Doerner. “But with the recent court     “Eight of these  farmers [are] in                   referendum, but until that hap-       Pugh.                                    can get a better price outside the
ruling in response to barley farmers    favour of single desk marketing.”                     pens, farmers are obliged to follow     “Farmers realized they needed to       board are ironically those who are
having a dual marketing system, the         Fitzhenry noted the CWB is ben-                   the current law.                      have a big player that acted in their    most likely to undersell their col-
NCC believed it was time to, once       eficial to farmers because the board                     National Farmers’ Union execu-     interests, not against their interests   leagues,” said Pugh. “The National
again, bring this campaign to the       ensures the farmers have a strong                     tive secretary Terry Pugh seconded    and they pressured the federal gov-      Citizens Coalition is not a
forefront.”                             voice in dealing with the grain                       Fitzhenry’s statements about the      ernment to implement the Canadian        grassroots coalition of ordinary citi-
   The NCC felt the CWB is not          industry and get a decent return                      importance of the CWB.                Wheat Board in the ’s.”                zens, but a front organization for
a democratic system because it          on their product.                                         “The National Farmers’ Union        Pugh noted the farmers were            large corporations that advocates
prosecutes farmers who refuse to            “Empowering farmers is even                       supports the Canadian Wheat Board     prosecuted because they failed to        policies that are in the interests
sell their products to the board.       more important today than it                          because we believe farmers need to    obtain necessary export certificates     of multinational agri-business.”
   “Farmers should not face             ever was, given the even greater
jailtime for selling their crops        strength and consolidation of
to the customer of their choice, nor    the grain companies—with four
should the Wheat Board be permit-       large companies controlling over
ted to use the pool money to fight       per cent of global wheat sales,”
those who want that freedom,” said      noted Fitzhenry.
Doerner.                                    Fitzhenry explained farmers
   CWB spokesperson Maureen             have to sell their products to the
Fitzhenry was quick to defend the       CWB because its single desk market
CWB from the criticisms.                nature can only provide benefits if
   “The CWB is controlled by prairie    it is a monopoly. She noted there is

Former child solider coming
to campus
Andrew Barbero                          literary quality and horrifying truths
Gauntlet News                           contained in his book, many would
                                        recognize Beah from his numerous
   Former child soldier and award-      television appearances, including
winning author Ishmael Beah will        the gamut of networks news pro-
speak at the University of Calgary      grams and high-profile interviews
Sun., Mar. .                          with George Stroumboulopoulos
   Beah’s book, A Long Way              and Jon Stewart.
Gone: Memoirs of a Child Soldier,          Now living in New York and
chronicles his youth in Sierra Leone,   working with the Human Rights
where he lost his entire family to      Watch Children’s Division Advisory
civil war and was forced into mili-     Committee, Beah continues to advo-
tary service at the age of . The      cate for the estimated , child
book documents the atrocities of        soldiers still deployed today.
the war, the acts Beah was coerced
into committing, as well as his
eventual rescue and rehabilitation       The lecture begins at 7 p.m. Tickets are available
                                            for $10 Campus Ticket Centre or by calling
at the hands of UNICEF. Receiving         220-7202. Watch for coverage in next week’s
an abundance of praise for both the                          Gauntlet.

Far from drowning in it
Christian Louden                          water. A one- or two-degree Celsius
Production Editor                         temperature increase will reduce the
                                          amount of standing water that exists

               ater in Alberta will be    widely because of evaporation.”
               a major concern in the        Sandford also emphasized the need
               coming years if climate    to plan for droughts, and noted he
change current environmental prac-        believes it is important to break the
tices continue.                           link between economic growth and
   An International Association of        water use.
Students in Economics and Business           University of Calgary PhD stu-
Management seminar held in the            dents Tara Mortan and Kate Sinclair
University of Calgary’s That Empty        emphasized the importance of glacial
Space Thu., Mar.  featured several       melt in Alberta’s water system and
presentations about the effect of         how increasingly warm temperatures
human interactions with the envi-         are threatening it.
ronment and what it means for future         “Eleven of the last  years rank
water supplies.                           among the  warmest years for
                                                                                                                                                                                        Daniel Pagan/the Gauntlet
   United Nations International           temperatures observed since the
Decade for Action, Water for Life         industrial revolution,” said Mortan,      Contrary to myth, water may not always be abundant in Alberta.
initiative chairman Robert Sandford       pointing out that glaciers will con-
served as the emcee and keynote           tinue to recede if temperatures do not      Glaciers form as a result of accu-      “There’s a really fine balance         ing a threat to water supplies in parts
speaker for the event and warned          lower, causing a yearly reduction of      mulated snow pack during the           between the two [zones] and what          of the world with an already lower
of the dangers of feeling too com-        available water in Alberta.               winter months that flows down-         happens is, if we change global tem-      access to water. The famed snows of
fortable with the amount of water            “Glacial melt makes a particularly     ward into the ablation, or melt        peratures, or if we warm the Earth’s      Mount Kilimanjaro, Tanzania have
available in Canada.                      important influence in late summer        zone, where it melts and becomes       atmosphere, we end up increasing the      melted more than  per cent since
   “We have to be very careful with       to river flow,” Mortan said. “As much     part of the river system during the    size of this lower ablation zone,” said   , Sinclair explained.
estimates of how much water we            as  per cent of our river flow in       warmer months of the year, Mortan      Mortan. “We’re actually moving this          “It’s the mountain ranges in the mid
have,” said Sandford. “We widely          late August to September comes            explained. As yearly temperatures      area of the glacier higher, creating      latitudes and subtropics that respond
tell the rest of the world that we have   from glacial melt. During these           increase, however, the ablation zone   more area where more melt actually        most rapidly to climate change and
 per cent of the world’s water,         really dry times of year, our rivers      recedes further into the accumu-       persists, and we end up with glacier      will have the biggest impact on water
when we only have five per cent           really require glacial melt to maintain   lation zone, reducing the am-          recession.”                               resources,” she said.
of the world’s renewable sources of       healthy levels of river flow.”            ount of snow pack accumulation.           Glacial melt is increasingly becom-                       see WATER, page 
                                                                                                                                                                    GAUNTLET NEWS MARCH 13.08 9

Rez, cont’d from page 5
equal rate placing a greater strain on the stu-                                                                                                                 years. The  million does not take into account
dents. Currently  per cent of family hous-                                                                                                                    the major problems that need to be done in
ing revenue is assigned to maintenance, which                                                                                                                   Norquay, Brewster and Castle that we’ve been
Galal argued should have covered the costs of                                                                                                                   talking about for a couple of years now.”
eventual upgrades.                                                                                                                                                 Stewart also said he was impressed with
   “Anyone who has a house in Calgary and                                                                                                                       the below market costs that residence services
rents it divides his resources regarding mainte-                                                                                                                ensured for students living in all residences.
nance and renovations and loans of the build-                                                                                                                   Stewart and Dunsdon agreed with the viability
ing,” said Galal. “The problem is the university                                                                                                                of knocking down several building and replac-
has used its resources from the income of the                                                                                                                   ing them in the future.
units, now they tell us the unit is in miserable                                                                                                                   “There are a couple of building that if you
                                                                                                                               Olivia Komorowski/the Gauntlet
condition and we have to renovate it.”                                                                                                                          look at how much is going to be required to
   Vice-provost students Ann Tierney said          Galal doesn’t understand why rent for his on-campus family unit will be going up.                            ensure they’re available for  years, it’s actually
that the increase was not having an effect on                                                                                                                   more cost effective to rebuilt,” said Dunsdon.
applications for new students or those wishing     for renovations will not benefit from them.      over a longer term in the event that we might               “The majority of the money is going to be spent
to live in family housing next year. She speci-       “To fund the project in order build we bor-   was to replace some of them.”                               on Kananaskis, Rundle and family housing.
fied that  million from the project had been     row, but it is in fact the revenue from rates       Residence Students’ Association president                We’re very committed to renewing our exist-
allocated to family housing to renew kitchens,     that helps us pay back the mortgage or the       Lance Stewart was pleased with the progress, but            ing buildings for students and we’re also
paint, fix flooring and paint, and other plumb-    borrowing,” said Tierney. “In the report there   made it clear that residence buildings needed               committed to expanding residence capacity
ing and electrical necessities. In  alone,     were over  million of suggestions but some    as much help as they could get.                             on our campus.”
the total is listed as over one million dollars    of them were things like repainting here and        “The  million just scratches the surface,”               The recently proposed phase six build-
and will hopefully be completed by .           there. Of course there was the issue, for some   said Stewart. “It’s basically a small project to get        ing is set to be completed in , with
Galal also argued students currently paying        of the buildings, how much we wanted to invest   done, the absolute necessity for the next five              sites currently under consideration.

Water, cont’d from page 8
  U of C professor Dr. Cathy Ryan        way back into the river connected        sider not developing in any land use      land use on the alluvial aquifer.               from the ground—to make way
emphasized that the danger to            ground water. It contaminates drink-     that will affect the ground water           U of C professor Dr. Maria Strack             for oilsand development—the
Calgary’s water supply comes from        ing water and fertilizers encourage      quality underneath,” said Ryan, who       discussed the potential danger of car-          decaying peat will release carbon
contamination of the city’s alluvial     growth of aquatic plants—which take      had recently given a similar lecture      bon dioxide emissions coming from               into the atmosphere.
aquifer. The aquifer is an area of       oxygen out of water—killing fish.        on the importance of protecting           peatland excavation, particularly in               “We really want to maintain
Calgary in which the ground is so           “There are  square kilometers       land use to Rockyview representa-         northern Alberta as a result of oil-            the carbon stock that is held
permeable, fertilizers and other         of land here on the river connected      tives. She also noted that water in       sands development. Strack pointed               in that soil in order to pre-
chemicals dumped on lawns will soak      alluvial aquifer that the [Municipal     quality in Calgary is significantly       to peatlands as a major store of                vent a positive feedback to
through the ground and find their        District] of Rockyview should con-       lower than it is upstream because of      carbon and noted that if mined                  climate change,” Strack said.

U of C VP finance appointed
Cam Cotton-O’Brien                          had some of the attributes they were       [will take some time to adjust to].”
TLF Editor                                  looking for,” said Stephens.                  Due to mass construction going on
                                               U of C president Dr. Harvey             at the U of C, a new vp will be hired

        ecause cash is what feeds the       Weingarten stressed that the vp            to attend exclusively to development
        monster, the University of          finance and services role is an            projects, but Stephens will also play
        Calgary’s appointment of a          important one.                             a role, as she will control the money
new vice-president finance and ser-            “We are a  million plus busi-       for those projects.
vices is of no small consequence to         ness here, it is a huge, complicated          Weingarten expressed delight
students and administration.                place,” said Weingarten. “There is a lot   that Stephens would be joining his
   Gail Stephens, the incoming vp,          of money flowing through here.”            administration.
will take over from current-VP Mike            Stephens noted that, although              “We feel very fortunate to have
McAdams May . Her role will be             she would have to wait until she           attracted her,” said Weingarten. “She
managing the U of C’s finances,             had some experience at the U of C          has a wealth of experience in areas
human resources, information                and its management before she could        where we face some of the biggest
technology and investments.                 identify specific goals, she does have     challenges and opportunities.”
   Stephens comes from a varied             a couple of ideas in mind.                    For her part, Stephens feels up to
background. Starting out as an                 “One of them will be to maximize        the task.
elementary teacher in Ontario and           the new PeopleSoft software,” said            “I’ve [led] many organizations
Manitoba, she worked her way                Stephens. “There are always imple-         through major change,” she said. “I’m
                                                                                                                                                                               Chris Tait/the Gauntlet
up to some very important posi-             mentation woes with any new system.        pretty good at coming in and helping
tions including serving as the chief        It doesn’t matter what organization        an organization become great.”          President Dr. Weingarten is pleased with the new VP catch.
administrative officer for the City of
Winnipeg—a role in which she was
responsible for both the police and
fire departments, among others. Most
recently she served as the chief execu-
tive officer for the British Columbia
Pension Corporation—an organiza-
tion with about , members and
handling roughly  billion.
   “The head-hunters that were doing
the search knew me and thought I

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opinions                                                                                                                                                                GAUNTLET MARCH 13.08 11
                                                                                                                                                                 Editor: Ændrew Rininsland—

Zeitgeist ist “time ghost” auf Deutsch, ja!
Controversial movie needs a critical eye in order to be understood
                                         a few meandering clicks!
                                            Why is this important? The closer
                                         it comes to Z-Day, the more willing
                                         they are to gloss over inconvenient
                    Jordyn Marcellus     facts. For instance, video footage
                            E&P Editor   from the Madrid bombings of
                                          is used during a discussion

           n Sat., Mar. th, all over   of the London bombings of ,
           the world people will sit     the implication being that the foot-
           down and watch Zeitgeist:     age is from the actual bombings in
the Movie as part of a worldwide day     London. It’s deceptive filmmaking
of activism called Z-Day. The free       pure and simple and no manner of
online film has taken the Internet by    self-righteous explanation can dis-
storm with it’s compellingly edited      regard the simple fact: it’s an out
footage and seemingly obvious            and out lie, “creative example” be
message about religion, the /         damned. For a film that rails against
attacks and the perils and pitfalls      deception, there’s a lot of deception
of blindly following authority as        implicit in its creation.
exemplified by the discussion of            There isn’t a degree of self-righ-
the gold standard and the tax code       teousness to the film, as in any film
system. While it presents itself with    that tries to use activism to get its
the trappings of a documentary, it is,   message across. It starts off with a
in fact, a comprehensive collection      two-minute montage of bombings
of memes spread around the right-        set to thunderously loud and pon-
wing conspiracy theory community         derous music to set the mood of
gussied up with shocking footage         chaos, alternating with a quiet and
and a tacked-on, feel-good ending        sombre score to show human life
that belies the preceding, two-hour      and creativity. Then, the thematic
shake-up.                                image takes to the screen: the world
   On Facebook, nearly , peo-       in a cage. Despite the heavy-hand-
ple have joined the group Zeitgeist:     edness of the metaphor, that’s what
The Documentary of a Lifetime.           the film is trying to show: through
   Whenever someone criticizes it,       religion, the American government’s
the collective Internet furor will       lies or outright complicity in the
often leave the article’s comments       / attacks, other “false flag” attacks
filled with over nine thousand           and the economy that’s run by an
replies decrying the professional-       elitist caste of bankers, we’re being
ism, lack of research or how the         controlled and are trapped in a cage          To briefly touch on the second         As the film transitions into its         are controlling the world has been
author spends his time nitpicking        that prevents us from being free.          section, if one reads the sources      third part, a John F. Kennedy quo-          around since the s. It’s old hat,
the sources and not enough criticiz-        The film first discusses religion. It   and the way it’s been described        tation about secret societies comes         but gussied up with a fresh coat of
ing the ideas. There are nearly       takes the tack of using an historical      previous to the website’s scrub-       on screen. The statement, in context        paint with quotes that seemingly
public showings of Zeitgeist sched-      Jesus argument and tries to tie it         bing, the second section is actually   with the film, is ostensibly about the      have no sources to them outside of
uled for Mar.  ( at the time of     in with Horus, Buddha, and other           an amalgamation of many differ-        banker clans that are controlling the       a list of books.
this writing), with more than        religious figures with the com-            ent / Truth Movement films          economy. Anyone who actually                   It’s hard to reject or agree with
other private showings. This film is     mon thread of a “sun god.” While           like Loose Change and the Alex         knows where the quotation is from,          the film when it comes to sources,
a true phenomenon.                       there are similarities, the way the        Jones Prison Planet series. This       though, would understand that the           as it’s just a list. There’s no contextu-
   There’s an irony, though. For a       film presents the relation is too          circular method of research            quote is actually from a speech JFK         alization within the sources for the
film that tries so hard to tell the      straightforward. This is the common        means that someone can’t even          gave on communism. More decep-              quotations. Outside of the first part’s
viewer to think about what they          problem in the film: presenting            find the source of the claims in       tive filmmaking at work!                    interactive transcript with footnotes,
experience in the world and to           something in such                                                                                        The third part is    the site and its ostensible adminis-

                                                                  “...For a film that tries so hard
reject authority, many people have       a shallow manner                                                                                      the culmination of      trator just put a list of quotes on the
blindly followed the documentary         without further                                                                                       the previous two        page and expect the person to do the
without doing their own research.        corroboration or                                                                                      thematic devices:       research and find the sources. This
This is why, more than anything,
a hard look at the ideas of the film
                                         scholarly evidence.
                                         It distils years of      to tell the viewer to think about                                            the amalgamation
                                                                                                                                               of the infamous
                                                                                                                                                                       isn’t useful at all and only makes it
                                                                                                                                                                       harder to believe the film when a

                                                                  what they experience in the
is needed.                               advanced scholarly                                                                                    “Seven Jew bank-        sterner look is given to its sources.
   A moment should be spent at the       work into a pithy                                                                                     ers control the         Given the circular nature of many of
online home of Zeitgeist itself. While   little comparison                                                                                     world” meme and         the sources, when one firmly begins
it would come across as tinfoil hat
paranoia, there’s been an interesting
                                         and doesn’t explore
                                         the examples, the        world and to reject authority,                                               the “I don’t have
                                                                                                                                               to pay my taxes
                                                                                                                                                                       to research the film, it’s hard for any
                                                                                                                                                                       but the most ardent conspiracy nut

                                                                  many people have blindly fol-
development on the website. As of        greater historical                                                                                    in America!” idea       to believe any of it.
Mar.  , a small subsection         contexts and the                                                                                      that has surfaced          It’s okay to like Zeitgeist. It’s well-
of the website has been completely       complicated reali-                                                                                    in right-wing           edited and is truly compelling. To
scrubbed from the site. This section,
the “clarifications” section, alludes
                                         ties into something
                                         approaching              lowed the documentary without                                                militia subcul-
                                                                                                                                               ture with such
                                                                                                                                                                       use it as a piece of activism, like the
                                                                                                                                                                       idea of Z-Day, however, is unfor-

                                                                  doing their own research.”
to dishonest filmmaking tactics that     “Horus and Jesus                                                                                      force. Conspiracy       tunate. There are points about war
would otherwise help to discredit the    come from the                                                                                         theory buffs will       and religion that are important to
film. Instead, a self-righteous Q&A      same place.” In the                                                                                   understand that         note, but they’re lost in the greater
section that attempts to smack down      world of a spectrum                                                                                   while thankfully        frothing-at-the-mouth conspiracies.
its critics has replaced it. Thanks to   of greys, the film argues everything       this section. It’s infuriating and     Zeitgeist doesn’t identify any              Like the film argues for so firmly:
the wonders of and its       in black-and-white, which isn’t sur-       prevents any kind of real discus-      Jews as bankers—instead focus-              if you’re about to watch Zeitgeist,
Wayback Machine, though, anyone          prising when the second part of            sion about the credibility of the      ing on men like Rockefeller and             please don’t take it at face value.
can read the clarifications with just    the film hits the screen.                  original source material.              J.P. Morgan—the idea that bankers           Use your noodle and think!

Cream Pies for everyone!
                                       their annual pieing fund-raiser.           is glorious, but it has detractors.      the trouble of applying makeup            great opportunity to play a joke
                                       Through the last three days of the            Some professors get angry             or combing your hair, you’ve put          on your friends, because, man,
                                       week, students venturing over to           because it disrupts their class.         some effort into affecting what other     people look silly with pie all over
                                       the Engineering Students’ Society          Understandable, but as pie week          people will think of you, via your        their faces.
                Cam Cotton-O’Brien     may pony up five bucks to have the         only comes but once a year and           outside appearance. Why not get              The proceeds go to charity and
                        Pidgeon Talk   engineers pie their friends. All that      the pie squad always waits until         pied, then? This will make you look       even the Students’ Union executive
                                       is required is the money, a name,          the end of class, there is really very   real cool, in that laid back, “I’m okay   is getting pied this year, so there is

         espite requiring me to        the room number and time for the           little that profs should be stressing    with a prank” sort of way. And if you     no reason not to join in the riot-
         wear an infuriatingly         victim to be located and they will         about, unless they’re the ones who       do have pink eye, you shouldn’t be        ous fun.
         bright-pink and scratchy      be pied.                                   are going to need the paper towel.       at school anyways, sickie.                   Students frequently complain
wristband that has kept me up all         The pies are basically shells con-         The other problem is with stu-           If there is some legitimate rea-       about the lack of community on
week, the prospect of joining the      taining cream filling—all the better       dents refusing to participate. Some      son that you must not be pied—for         campus. There can surely be no
engineering pie-squad was too deli-    to cover people with. Though choco-        don’t want to mess up their makeup,      instance, deathly allergies—then at       better way to incite this than hittin’
cious an opportunity to pass up.       late is popular, the best to get people    or their hair, or their “pink eye,” so   least still participate. For an addi-     people in the face with a pie. Keep
  Every year around Mar. —or         with is coconut, as it leaves little       they claim. But really, this shouldn’t   tional five dollars, you can redirect     an eye out, I might be in your class
for geeks, .—the engineers run      chunks all over. Indeed, Pi Week           be happening. If you’ve gone to          the pie to someone else. This is a        tomorrow with a coconut cream.

SU View: The SU weighs in on provincial election results
                                       when the legislature opens later           the large number of students liv-        on post-secondary education, the          profit off of student debt.
                                       this month. Once again our uni-            ing in the riding. As your Students’     Conservatives did make one sub-             Now that the election is over, we
                                       versity riding will be represented         Union, we did everything in our          stantial promise: to lower interest       will continue to work through our
                                       by Liberal Harry Chase. Despite not        power to inform you of the issues        rates on student loans. This will be      provincial advocacy group CAUS
                       Mike Selnes     belonging to the governing party,          and give you all the information you     a welcome relief for the thousands        (Council of Alberta University
                         VP External   Harry has been a tireless advocate         needed to cast your ballot during our    of students burdened by debt upon         Students) to inform both new and
                                       for students and has promised to           Provincial Election Awareness days.      graduation as interest rates will be      re-elected MLAs about the challenges
  On Mon., Mar. , Albertans went      continue advocating for our cause          Despite this, many students found        lowered by . per cent to prime.         facing university students and to
to the polls and with overwhelm-       in the house.                              it difficult to vote and over the next   This has been a major advocacy            ensure they implement all of their
ing support elected the provincial        It’s interesting to note that despite   four years we will advocate for bet-     point by the Students’ Union this         campaign promises concerning
Conservative government to another     a low  per cent voter turnout prov-      ter student voting regulations and a     year. Lowering interest rates on          post-secondary education.
term in office.                        ince-wide, the lowest in history, our      Calgary-wide poll on campus.             students loans could potentially
  With the ballots counted,            riding of Calgary-Varsity had the             You may ask yourself what             mean hundreds of dollars in long-
                                                                                                                                                                      The SU View and its corresponding headline are
Calgary will be represented by         highest turnout in the city. There         effect the election had for students.    term savings for students and will          provided by the Students’ Union and published
 Conservatives and  Liberals        is no doubt this was increased by          Despite having a vague platform          ensure the government does not                    without Gauntlet editorial revision.

            In synchronous

                A look at synchronized
                swimming and how a U of C

                                                                                                                                                                                                   Amanda Hu/the Gauntlet
                group is making their mark

Amanda Hu                                     inception, synchro has often been portrayed           training for perfection and artistry in a sport   cal mark. In regards to technicality, judges
Sports Editor                                 in a very whimsical light, from Miss Piggy            that prides itself on looking easy.               often reward groups who do more figures
                                              giving it a go in The Great Muppet Caper,                “We could beat any hockey boy at a             as they are more difficult to do, given that
         ppearing effortless often requires   to the flower bonnet-adorned background               fitness endurance test,” says University          the swimmers are submerged, as well as

A        the superior effort. In the world
         of synchronized swimming, the
illusion of ease masks the sheer amount
of work required for the sport.
                                              swimmers in the opening sequence to
                                              Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me
                                              who were, more than anything else, cute
                                              set-pieces with movement. Behind those
                                                                                                    of Calgary synchronized swimming club
                                                                                                    member Kerry Atkins. “In terms of sport,
                                                                                                    you have your cardiovascular fitness, flex-
                                                                                                    ibility and endurance. It’s every single sport
                                                                                                                                                      movements that require more physical
                                                                                                                                                      skill, like lifting both of one’s arms up as
                                                                                                                                                      opposed to just one.
                                                                                                                                                         “You use all these different things and
   At a glance, one typically sees poised     polished smiles and matching swimsuits,               combined, plus no oxygen.”                        pattern changes, slow movements, fast
young women gracefully completing simul-      however, lay hardened athletes at peak                   Synchro typically consists of combina-         movements to make things interesting,”
taneous movements in water and since its      physical condition who have spent years               tions of different elements that represent        says Laurel Alexander, coach of U of C
                                                                                                    the many techniques of the sport. Figures         synchro. “The faster you move, the harder
                                                                                                    consist of movements that put a swimmer’s         it is because it’s hard to synchronize the
                                                                                                    head under water, such as lifting the legs        team together.”
                                                                                                    in to the air, while strokes represent               The sport emerged in  in the form
                                                                                                    movements done with the head above the            of underwater ballet and, through melding
                                                                                                                                                                               higher athleticism

                                                               “In terms of sport, you have your                                                                               with the original
                                                                                                                                                                               artistic origins,

                                                               cardiovascular fitness, flexibility and                                                                           slowly transformed
                                                                                                                                                                               into a team activ-

                                                               endurance. It’s every single sport                                                                              ity. The activity
                                                                                                                                                                               made a strong

                                                               combined, plus no oxygen.”                                                                                      move to breaking
                                                                                                                                                                               into mainstream
                                                                                                                                                                               sightlines when it
                                                                                                                                                                               became a demon-
                                                                                                                                                                               stration sport at the
                                                                     - Kerry Atkins, U of C synchronized swimmer                                                                Olympics and
                                                                                                                                                                               eventually gained
                                                                                                    water. Figures and strokes interact and lead      full competitive event status in .
                                                                                                    towards highlights, which, as suggested by           Closer to home, the U of C synchronized
                                                                                                    the name, consist of audience-appealing           swimming club has created a niche for those
                                                                                                    movement like lifting a swimmer into the          in the synchro world who want to find the
                                                                                                    air or throws.                                    middle ground between the high school
                                                                     Geoff MacIntosh/the Gauntlet
                                                                                                      Going into competition, teams are               level and national and Olympic competi-
A swimmer being launched into the air.                                                              judged with an artistic mark and a techni-        tion. Formed in , the club has made
                                                                                                                                                     GAUNTLET SPORTS MARCH 13.08 15
an obvious splash in the Canadian       Dedication to what we’re doing
university synchronized swim-           and passion for wanting to pursue
ming world. The group garnered          excellence [is important].”
unexpected success, claiming the           The nature of the sport also
bronze medal while competing in         makes gaining coverage a chal-
their first-ever national competi-      lenge for the group.
tion at Waterloo University on             “I also think it’s hard for the
Feb. , . They came back           media to cover it because there
the following year to initially tie     aren’t a lot of events,” says Benson.
for first with the defending cham-      “It’s not like we have tournaments
pions, McGill University, only to       every weekend. But that’s what
end on the second-place podium          makes the sport so unique. You
after technical scores served as        train for -hours-plus a week and
the competition’s tie-breaker.          then you have three minutes that
With the group so close to com-         you perform your routine three
plete victory at such an early stage    times a year.”
in their creation, all eyes are on         That commitment and drive
the rookies and their impressive        has pushed the team towards
accomplishments.                        their laurels, despite being such
   “When we swam last year, I           a young group in the synchronized
don’t think [the other teams]           swimming world. Currently, they
knew what to expect, like it            are a students’ union sanctioned
was this mess of people coming          club and applied for a travel grant
together and making a club for the      to make going to nationals possi-
first year,” says Atkins. “I think we   ble. The group hopes to eventually
kind of shocked and surprised a         gain competitive club status from
lot of people.”                         campus recreation, which will
   The club draws its member-           help them garner much-needed
ship from different facets of the       pool time at the U of C Aquatic
Calgary synchro swimming com-           Centre as well as become more
munity, including groups like the       of a staple on campus. With this
Aquabelles and the Calgary Winter       increased support, the team will
Club. Each member has spent             have the reinforcement to continue
years perfecting their technique        being a serious contender at the
and building their knowledge on         national varsity level.
the sport while dealing with the           “[We want] to become more
realities of the activity and the       visible within the campus com-
restrictions put on wanting to          munity and attract more members
continue on in the synchronized         and to be viewed as an competitive
swimming world.                         athletic team, as opposed to just a
   “With so many sports, you can        social club or a recreational club,”
do those at the intramural level,”      Benson says. “We know that it’s
says Shannon Benson, a U of C           hard to get pool time at the U of C,
synchro member. “Because syn-           so we felt like we had to establish
chro’s so technical and involved,       ourselves and I think our results
                                                                                                                                                                                      Amanda Hu/the Gauntlet
with such structured training,          clearly speak to the fact that we’re
it’s really hard to do it at a rec-     dedicated to this team’s continued      Lifting someone from under water is no easy task.
reational level. Synchro’s such a       success.”
unique sport, so you need all of us        Increased recognition of the         who credits their understanding      Though their competitive aspira-             to remember why they loved the
to be in the water at the same time     group will also give some well-         of team dynamics and the infective   tions remain, the U of C club has            sport in the first place.
and you can’t just have an off day.     deserved support to the group,          nature of synchro on its members.    given some of the girls a chance                “I was on the national team
                                                                                                                                                                  for four years and went to two
                                                                                                                                                                  junior worlds and we placed
                                                                                                                                                                  second and third in ,” says
                                                                                                                                                                  Atkins. “I didn’t want to go back
                                                                                                                                                                  to competing and I didn’t want to
                                                                                                                                                                  perform as a career, so this was a
                                                                                                                                                                  good balance for me to find some
                                                                                                                                                                  way to be involved and not have
                                                                                                                                                                  to sacrifice everything else in my
                                                                                                                                                                     Atkins adds that she was origi-
                                                                                                                                                                  nally reluctant to join the group
                                                                                                                                                                  because of past experiences.
                                                                                                                                                                     “When you get to such a high
                                                                                                                                                                  competitive level, it’s not about
                                                                                                                                                                  fun anymore or enjoying anything
                                                                                                                                                                  and that’s what I kind of associated
                                                                                                                                                                  synchro with, so I didn’t want to
                                                                                                                                                                  get involved with that at all,” she
                                                                                                                                                                  says. “Once I got into it [here], I
                                                                                                                                                                  realized it wasn’t like that at all and
                                                                                                                                                                  it kind of made me realize why I
                                                                                                                                                                  started swimming and why I stuck
                                                                                                                                                                  with it for  years.”
                                                                                                                                                                     Having next year in mind, the
                                                                                                                                                                  group hopes to host a competition
                                                                                                                                                                  at the university, bringing in teams
                                                                                                                                                                  from other schools in Canada and
                                                                                                                                                                  the U.S. and something to U of C
                                                                                                                                                                  that students can get interested in
                                                                                                                                                                  watching and being a part of. With
                                                                                                                                                                  their already plentiful triumphs,
                                                                                                                                                                  they can hopefully look forward to
                                                                                                                                                                  seeing the U of C name in gold and
                                                                                                                                                                  on championship banners.
                                                                                                                                   Geoff MacIntosh/the Gauntlet

  Hockeysaurs fall short in ACAC final
    DINOS              GRIFFINS                                                                                                                                          as well by a score of – and forc-
                                                                                                                                                                         ing them to settle for silver. Despite

       1          vs
                            3                                                                                                                                            their best efforts and some incred-
                                                                                                                                                                         ible hockey, it wasn’t enough for the
                                                                                                                                                                         Dinos, surrendering a series that fate

women’s hockey                                                                                                                                                           just didn’t allow them to win.
                                                                                                                                                                            “I think we are two equal teams
                                                                                                                                                                         skill wise and it really came down
Derek Neumeier                                                                                                                                                           to special teams and who wanted it
Gauntlet Sports                                                                                                                                                          more in the end,” said captain Cait
                                                                                                                                                                         O’Hara. “Both teams worked hard

          hey came so close, but in                                                                                                                                      the entire  minutes of every game
          the end, the University of                                                                                                                                     and, with a few bounces here and
          Calgary Dinos women’s                                                                                                                                          there, all of the four games could
hockey team was still one heart-shat-                                                                                                                                    have gone either way.”
tering step shy of their goal. All sea-                                                                                                                                     Even though the Dinos fell shy
son long, the Dinos had their sights                                                                                                                                     of their aim of a championship, the
on number one, but despite tearing                                                                                                                                       girls still have good reason to hold
through their playoff opposition                                                                                                                                         their heads high after an undeniably
all the way to the Alberta Colleges                                                                                                                                      successful year. Few expected the
Athletic Conference finals, the lady                                                                                                                                     team to finish the regular season at a
hockeysaurs were unable to make                                                                                                                                          solid –– after going –––
that last required push to grab gold,                                                                                                                                    in – and even fewer imag-
losing in four games to the Grant                                                                                                                                        ined they could fight their way to
MacEwan College Griffins.                                                                                                                                                the finals, but the Dinos effectively
   Both the Dinos and the Griffins                                                                                                                                       silenced their critics. They showed
came into the finals red-hot, deserv-                                                                                                                                    the league that they are no longer
ing to be there after respectively                                                                                                                                       the underdog of years past and
upsetting the two teams that tied                                                                                                                                        are now a contender for years to
for first place in the ACAC during the                                                                                                                                   come.
                                                                                                                                          Geoff MacIntosh/the Gauntlet
regular season, the Southern Alberta                                                                                                                                        “Our season went extremely
Institute of Technology Trojans and       Captain Cait O’Hara (#8) edges out the competition for the puck.                                                               well, better than expected,” said
the Mount Royal College Cougars.                                                                                                                                         Goyette. “We gained respect from
The third-ranked Dinos fought             tum going into the finals,” remarked    of the best-of-five finals with a win   something in the crowd in front of             our opponents and proved we could
valiantly for their cause but were        Dinos head coach Danielle Goyette.      and a loss, both teams had a week to    the Griffins net, turning the area             compete against any team. As far
unable to slow down the surging,          “The series was tight [and] not a lot   prepare themselves for the remain-      into a pinball game with the puck.             as I’m concerned, our season was
fifth-ranked Griffins, who played         of goals were scored. GMC played        ing and deciding games. Game three      It eventually made its way to for-             very successful and I know we did
their best hockey of the season in        great but I feel the series against     at the Olympic Oval started well for    ward Lianna Legere’s stick, who put            not win it all but we gained a lot of
the past month and proved to be the       SAIT took a lot out of our team         the Dinos, jumping out to a – lead    it home to secure her team-leading             experience along the way.”
stronger team down the stretch.           and we didn’t recover enough to         : in. With a power play at their     fourth goal of the playoffs. The lead             O’Hara agreed with her coach’s
   “GMC improved a lot since              be at our best.”                        disposal, defender Ali Webb fired       wouldn’t last the period however, as           statements.
Christmas and kept the momen-               After splitting the first weekend     a shot from the blue line that hit      GMC tied things up with : left,                “Even though we didn’t take
                                                                                                                          thanks to a Dinos defensive zone               home the gold, I believe we won a
                                                                                                                          turnover leading to a partial break-           lot more than we lost,” she said. “I
                                                                                                                          away that was finished by Melody               think that this season proved that
                                                                                                                          Howard, her team’s leading goal                the Dinos are serious about com-
                                                                                                                          scorer during the regular season.              peting and always getting better.
                                                                                                                             The entire series was a tight, low-         We improved drastically since the
                                                                                                                          scoring affair, so when the game               beginning of the season and even
                                                                                                                          remained tied up at – going into             more so since the Christmas break.
                                                                                                                          the third, it seemed likely that the           I think that shows a lot of charac-
                                                                                                                          next goal would stand as the game’s            ter for our team. Those of us who
                                                                                                                          winner. Unfortunately for the Dinos,           were on the ice that day will never
                                                                                                                          it did. Griffin Lauren Chiswell beat           forget how heartbreaking it was to
                                                                                                                          Dinos netminder Katie Urness with              watch the other team celebrate. That
                                                                                                                          a sneaky wrist shot through a screen           feeling will push us to always want
                                                                                                                          with only : remaining and Grant             to be better and know what we are
                                                                                                                          MacEwan stood their ground from                working for.”
                                                                                                                          there, skating away with both a –               With the – hockey sched-
                                                                                                                          victory and a – series lead, heading         ule now behind them, the Dinos can
                                                                                                                          up to St. Albert needing only one              look towards their bright future.
                                                                                                                          more victory to clinch gold. The               The majority of the young core
                                                                                                                          effort was a lacking one for the               will return for next season a year
                                                                                                                          Dinos, who felt they played under              older and more experienced, aided
                                                                                                                          their abilities on the evening and             by a squad of new recruits eager to
                                                                                                                          needed to improve upon that if they            play under legend Goyette and
                                                                                                                          wanted to bring the series back to             take part in the newly-rejuvenated
                                                                                                                          Calgary for game five.                         women’s hockey program at the
                                                                                                                             “Our game plan all year has been            U of C. Indeed, there is no extinction
                                                                                                                          to work hard,” noted defender Sarah            in sight for the rampaging Dinos.
                                                                                                                          Clowes after the loss. “We need to                “My goal is to improve every
                                                                                                                          step that up and leave no regrets              year as a team and as individuals,”
                                                                                                                          on the ice.”                                   concluded Goyette. “We will con-
                                                                                                                             Knowing what needed to be done              tinue to work hard both on and off
                                                                                                                          and having the capacity to do the              the ice, challenging players to take
                                                                                                                          same proved to be two different                them to the next level. The future
                                                                                                                          things for the lady hockeysaurs as             of the Dinos hockey team is to be
                                                                                                                          they were unable to rebound from               competitive and a contender—not
                                                                                                                          the night before, losing game four             just participants in the league.”
                                                                                                      GAUNTLET SPORTS MARCH 13.08 17

Track Dinos finish
second and fourth at CIS

                                                                                  Corey Narsted/CUP
track and field                             Women’s side
                                               CIS competition in Montreal
                                            yielded some top results for the
Men’s side                                  Dinos women’s team. The lady

       pearheaded by the brilliant          Dinos brought home some hard-
       performance of male track            ware and placed fourth overall,
       athlete of the year and CIS          behind Guelph, Western and
championship MVP Sam Effah, the             Windsor. Individual highlights
University of Calgary Dinos men’s           included Amonn Nelson’s gold in
track and field team busted their           the  metre, Jessica O’Connell’s
asses to come within three points           silver in the  metre and
of winning the CIS championships            Holly Ratzlaff’s bronze in the 
in Montreal Mar. –.                       metre. The depth of the group was
   On McGill University’s  metre         showcased through the success
banked-track from the top track and         of the relay teams, who captured
field athletes from across the coun-        gold in the x metre and the
try came to compete. Entering the           x metre races, and were com-
tournament, the Dinos men were              posed of Nelson, Ratzlaff, Tessa
ranked third, while the x metre         Gray and Kelsey Lotwin. The
and x metre relay teams, while          x metre relay team claimed
Effah in the  metre and  metre         second place through the efforts of
and Trent Ratzlafff in the  metre        Rachel Romero, Heather Sim, Jessica
were ranked first. None of them             O’Connell and Valerie Hurdle.
failed to live up to the hype.                 Head coach Doug Lamont was
   “The guys did everything they            pleased with the results.
could possibly do and then some,”              “The girls came in and did
said Lamont. “Both Trent and Sam            everything they could do,” he said.
had to be on their game to achieve          “They maintained their composure
what they were capable of.”                 and competed hard, and that’s all
   Effah’s performance was so good,         one can ask.”
that in the final point tally, he con-         Last season, the Dino women
tributed to  of the Dinos men’s           were the CIS champions, but they
 points— individually and             were ranked fourth going into CIS
with the relays. Lamont noted that          competition this year.
the biggest surprise of the weekend            “In addition to the graduation of
came from a stronger than expected          [Dinos top-scorer] Jessica Zelinka,
x metre relay team that entered         it’s a young team,” commented
the meet ranked seventh but finished        Lamont, “If we can build by get-
fourth. The relays held another             ting more young talent coming in,
unexpected result, too.                     we can soon be competing for a
   “A big surprise for me [was] that        national title.”
we got the CIS record [in the x            With this year being her first expe-
metre relay],” said Ratzlaff.               rience with CIS track competition,
   U of C records were set in all three     rookie Jessica O’Connell was look-
relays and in the  metre.                 ing towards the meet positively.
   The Dinos men now take a week’s             “I was really excited to see what it
rest before returning to train for the      would be like,” she said. “Going in, I
outdoor season, where they race for         was hoping to medal. Not expecting,
the University of Calgary Athletic          but hoping. It’s always nice when
Club, not the Dinos as there is no          things work out.”
varsity team for outdoor track.                In terms of the women’s team
Training for indoor track and field         in general, O’Connell was pleased
resumes in the fall. Lamont expects         with the result.
next year’s team, which will see the           “For the most part, we were
return of all the Dinos CIS competi-        all really happy with our perfor-
tors, to be very strong. Ratzlaff is also   mances,” she said. “The energy
positive about the Dinos future.            was strong because our team is so
   “We have a pretty young team,            cohesive and it’s fun supporting
so I’m hoping that we can at least          your best friends.”
match what we did this year,” said             Next up for the Dinos is the out-
Ratzlaff. “I think with a few more          door season. Competitions through-
rookies, maybe we can improve and           out the spring and summer will take
bring back the title.”                      place at Foothills Track.
              ..Cam Cotton-O’Brien                                ..Laura Bennett

                                 Boyles in like Flint
                                 Katy Anderson                           after. His student athlete graduates   involved in trying to get us on a
                                 News Editor                             in a timely fashion and the best of    better path than the one we were
                                                                         them play for team Canada.”            on,” he said.

                                          he University of Calgary          Boyles plans to do a full overhaul     However, Boyles pointed to
                                          Dinosaurs athletics pro-       of the athletic department, from       the difficulties of hiring a coach
                                          gram has their Hannibal        the staffing structure to programs.    for the short period of time. He
                                 to direct them over the athletic        He noted the department is facing      noted this might mean a younger
                                 Alps for another season.                financial challenges and he plans      coach would be suitable, someone
                                   Women’s volleyball coach Kevin        to examine current resources           who could maintain the culture of
                                 Boyles led his team to nationals        and programming, determine             the program and continue on their
                                 eight times—with seven final-four       where resources don’t match            successful path.
                                 appearances—in a row and now            the programming and then look             Kinesiology director of commu-
                                 plans to lead the U of C’s athletic     at where new resources can be          nications Don McSwiney stressed
                                 program to excellence, continuing       obtained.                              the new coach would have big
                                 the role of interim athletic director      “Our goal is to have every one of   shoes to fill, noting Boyles is one
                                 for the next year.                                                                            of the best volley-
                                   Boyles took the
                                 position in the      “‘Our goal is to have every one of                                       ball coaches in the
                                 new year, after
                                 former athletic      our programs be able to compete at                                         “On one hand,
                                                                                                                               we’re delighted to
                                 Wilson was dis-
                                                      a level that makes them a top-three                                      have somebody of
                                                                                                                               that caliber as the
                                 missed last Oct.
                                 Boyles decided to    program in the country.”                                                 athletic director for
                                                                                                                               the University of
                                 continue on with                                                         -Kevin Boyles, Calgary, but on the
                                 the job last week
                                 for the –
                                                                                    Dinos interim athletic director other hand, trying
                                                                                                                               to find somebody to
                                 school year.                                                                                  replace him is a pretty
                                   Kinesiology dean Wayne Giles          our programs be able to compete tall order,” said McSwiney.
                                 explained Boyles was chosen             at a level that makes them a top          McSwiney added that having
                                 because of the unique style of lead-    three program in the country,” Boyles as the interim athletic
                                 ership Boyles portrays, as well as a    said Boyles. “We feel that the director was interesting because
                                 number of well-defined strengths        U of C and the city of Calgary have of the different, useful perspec-
                                 he brought to the job.                  the resources and the capacity.”       tive he could bring to the position
                                   “He has built his program from          Despite having to leave the lead- as he’s coming from a coaching
                                 scratch to a place of national promi-   ership role of a team he has invested background.
                                 nence,” said Giles. “Second, he is      a great deal in, Boyles noted he is       “‘Nothing short of excellence’
                                 very familiar with building com-        excited to deal with the department has been Kevin’s MO as a coach,”
                                 munity and university relationships     on a whole.                            McSwiney commented. “It’s been
                                 and that’s an important part of the       “I am really looking forward to his track record and his history.
                                 direction we want to head. And          the opportunity to try and impact I think he’s going to extend that
                                 third, the way Kevin develops a         the department on a greater level same philosophy and direction to
                                 student athlete is exactly what we’re   than I have in the past, to be the Dinos athletics as a whole.”
three lines free
It’s pie week, mother-fu...five bucks and     R.I.P. Chad Johnson, who passed on            ccGirl. Read the blog. Are you a real      Can someone please define bum
                                                                                                                                                                               GAUNTLET MARCH 13.08               19

                                                                                                                                                                               Every French student I have met study-
I will hunt down your friends to shove       later last Sat. after suffering a partial     student? If so you’re my hero.             running?!                                ing geology is cute. I have met only
some pie in their face. And I’m also         stroke Fri. afternoon while doing what                            - ccGirl in training                         - dinos trackie    one French geology student. Therefore,
running a section next week, so bring        he loved, playing basketball. Now                                                               [Ass sweat. Swass, if you will.   you are cute.
your TLF to MSC 319 or e-mail them           our sixth man, you will be greatly            La-Z-Boy sofa and chair for sale, in                                   - TrottEd]                   - how’s that for logic?
to All            missed.                                       excellent condition. Dark brown in
submissions must include your name,                                      - The Ballers     color.                                     There are two reasons to pie someone:    To the guy dressed as Pooh Bear. Fuck
ID number, phone number and signa-                                                                      -          1) Your enjoyment. 2) My enjoyment.      you man.
ture. Submissions judged to be sexist,       F.S.: A black 1987 Acura Legend.
racist, homophobic or attacks of a per-      190,000 k.m.. 4 doors, auto transmis-
sonal nature will not be printed.            sion, 4 new snow tires, etc. $500 or
                                             O.B.O. E-mail me for more info.
“Might as well be over. Oh man it gets                        -
better, I hope it gets better.”
             -           Free good working condition Kelvinator
                                             washer & 220v dryer with $20 delivery
Pour yourself a rye whiskey and cheers       fee. Free king size double pillow-top
to the continued leadership of Taft and      mattress - used less than 1 yr with $20
Mason, the only two men in this prov-        delivery fee. Reply to perchloroethyle
ince “special” enough to keep “special
ed” in office. The republic lives on.
- students for the suppression of social-    To All Those Frustrated Friends Who
                        ist propaganda       Complain About Their Frustrating
                                             Classmates: While I realize that you
It’s fairly obvious, since Richard Nixon,    are paying x amount of money for
that there is no such thing as a fair deal   the x amount of hours spent in class,
for any voter in the United States—          you need to put life into perspective
You’re just not gonna get it. It’s a joke    before you place angry rants in the
—the people that you vote for, they’re       TLF... what’s more important, peace
the next best thing to criminals. But of     of mind, or an ulcer caused by exces-
course they have money for advertising       sive negative mental energy!? Besides,
campaigns that make them look a little       your really killing my mellow!”
bit better than they actually are.                                  - Mellow-Yellow
                           - Frank Zappa     [Ahhhh, no. The answer is definitely
                                             shut the fuck up in class. Mellow out
Doing homework on production night                        somewhere else dammit.
is a lot like studying for a big exam with                               - StressEd]
a good friend. You go in with the best
of intentions but just end up smoking        Tired of the Calgary winter? Study
pot and watching Hero.                       abroad!
Want a chance to win tickets to the
Junos? Enter the Doritos(r) Red Mile         Safe and Sound self-defense training,
Window Painting Challenge!                   Level One! Mar. 29, 2 p.m. to 6 p.m.
       -         Sponsored by Campus Security. Abso-
                                             lutely free for students/staff; sign up
Sexy Stalin, the Burt Reynolds of            at Campus Recreation (limited spaces
communism.                                   available)!

We all know we came from apes....but         Dear (my)UofC,
Darwin came more often.                      Oracle buying out Peoplesoft and sub-
                  - Historical Hottie        bing in their logo is not a “cosmetic
                                             change only,” nor is it “subtle.” Yes, we
To the cute red head in Math 253 that        know what a “corporate takeover” is.
doesn’t really go that much: I want to       Show us some respect, please.
do bad things to you
                       - tall and lanky.     There is a poignant generosity associ-
                                             ated with losing an item; a divine plea-
To the bubbly blonde in religious stud-      sure from another’s gain through your
ies 200 I like you. Come to the Den          misstep. Sure, tell that to the bastard
on Thu. You make me want to be a             with my stuff.
better person.                                                         - thedrewskii
[The same dude wrote both this and
                          the last one.      Green Drinks is an open-format, no-
                               - OutEd]      agenda, monthly social event for those
                                             interested in the environment to get
To the rad red head with big head            together, meet with friends, meet new
phones that lurks Earth Sciences/I.C.T.      people, or learn something new.
lets skateboard, I love you.                       -
[Shit...this one too. And really, trying
          to pick up a girl who ‘lurks’...   Dearest Matrix, if you squirt toothpaste
                             - CheatEd]      in my eye, I will have to tell you to lick
                                             my vaa-gine. Sincerely,
To all the bitches that whine about                                         - HalfPint.
others within your classes whether it
be asking too many questions, talking,       Stan, don’t you know the first law of
whatever. Man up. It’s 2008, stop being      physics? Anything that’s fun costs at
a pussy and say it their face.               least eight dollars.
                                     -S                                - Trey Parker
                                             [But it used to be seven. Hear me Den,
An outgoing and energetic person                    bring back the good old days!!!
is needed to help the John Petro-                                        - LiquorEd]
poulous Memorial Fund with public
awareness/education campaign. Go to          If you think tar sands are bad, try nuclear for more           reactors for hell on earth.
info or contact Ian at                     -

A “I have Rights?”, Student Rights           Did you know that the Senate Fund
101 presentation will occur at noon          Development Committee seeks ways
on Tuesday, Mar. 25 in MSC’s Bianca          and means to support scholarships and
conference room. The presentation is         bursaries and is helping to raise funds
co-facilitated by Counselling Services       to build International House on the
and the S.U. Student Rights Office.           U of C campus?

Dear Harvey,                                 Didn’t get a chance to talk about any-
To let you know, there’s a few trees         thing other the high altitude squash
by Craigie that I think you forgot to cut    balls, going to be playing next week?
down. Oh wait...there they go now.                            - High Squash Player
[But maybe they can be made into
    books and then put in the library.       To that smokin hot girl in rels 397, I
                               - PulpEd]     heard it was your 20th Birthday this
                                             week and I just wanted to say Happy
6R you’re pretty ballin’.                    Birthday! I hope you had a great day
                        - sweet dude         and made an awesome wish when you
        [Help fight cancer, be baldin’.       blew out your candles...
                            - ScarEd]                                        - Sofa
Editor: Geoff MacIntosh—                                       photo
                                                                     “Ice Pick”
                                                                    Chris Pedersen

                  “Awakenin ell
                   Susan Card

                                                                    “Conceiving Realit
                                                                        Katy Anderson

                                                     Daniel Paga
                                                            GAUNTLET PHOTO MARCH 13.08 21

                                         “Morning sier
                                           Martin Lus

“Prude”                                                     “Concentra
Chris Tait                                                     Joyce Wong

                          Eric Au

             Amanda Hu
                                        “After Hours”
                                          Ken Clarke
Editor: Ryan Pike—

Improvising a lifetime with a stranger
U of C alumna returns to town with a unique show
B l i n d D a t e                                                                                                                                                                   in a way, it’s kind of a repeat,” she
                                                                                                                                                                                    notes. “So we cut the second half
t h e a t r e p r e v i e w                                                                                                                                                         and he went on and did his own
                                                                                                                                                                                    thing and I kept doing Blind Date.
Ryan Pike                                                                                                                                                                           I don’t know if I’ve ever asked him
Entertainment Editor                                                                                                                                                                how he felt about it. He’s never said
                                                                                                                                                                                    anything and he knows I’m doing a

      n the quest for companion-                                                                                                                                                    long version of it now. It’s work. I
      ship, occasionally people                                                                                                                                                     have a very, very weird job.”
      resort to drastic measures.                                                                                                                                                      Since relocating from Calgary to
One of the most commonly-used                                                                                                                                                       Toronto seven years ago, Northan
ways of looking for love is the blind                                                                                                                                               has been busy—appearing on This
date. University of Calgary alumna                                                                                                                                                  Hour is  Minutes, the CTV series
Rebecca Northan has returned to                                                                                                                                                     Alice, I Think and films like Mr.
her roots at Loose Moose Theatre                                                                                                                                                    Margorium’s Wonder Emporium, in
to present a show dedicated to the                                                                                                                                                  addition to a few plays. She credits
pleasantries and pratfalls of court-                                                                                                                                                her diverse skillset with allowing
ship with Blind Date.                                                                                                                                                               her to stay busy.
   Originally performed at the                                                                                                                                                         “I’m very lucky in that I’ve never,
Spiegeltent’ntavern at Toronto’s                                                                                                                                                    knock on wood, had a regular job,”
Luminato Festival, Blind Date fea-                                                                                                                                                  she says. “I’ve always worked in
tured Northan selecting gentlemen                                                                                                                                                   the arts. Part of what helps me
from the audience and improvising                                                                                                                                                   get through, though, is that my
a date based on their interactions.                                                                                                                                                 umbrella of the arts is really big
Northan recalls that she came up with                                                                                                                                               and wide. If I’m teaching improv,
the idea for the show on the fly.                                                                                                                                                   I am working at my craft. If I’m
   “My friend Tina Rasmussen,                                                                                                                                                       teaching a corporate workshop
who’s also a U of C grad, runs                                                                                                                                                      or writing a script for a corpo-
the performing arts division of                                                                                                                                                     rate client, I’m still scriptwriting,
                                                                                                                                                         courtesy Rebecca Northan
Harbourfront Centre [where the                                                                                                                                                      which is still taking what I know
Spiegeltent is located] so she booked                  Despite being all smiles and sunshine, clowns still get sad when they get stood up.                                          and applying it to someone else’s
me in there and said, ‘come up with                                                                                                                                                 world. I’m just charging way more
something’,” says Northan. “I went                        “Night after night, total strang-      to take events of her own life and       “I have two rules, maybe three,”          money for it.”
and watched the show and thought,                      ers would come out of the audience        an audience member’s to make the      says Northan. “[They’re] kind of                Following Blind Date, Northan
‘there are pretty girls taking their                   and make out with me and let me           show different every night.           like the rules for being a good              heads to Montreal to film four epi-
clothes off and circus perform-                        take their shirts off and they would         “My thought was, everyone’s        date: make sure they’re having a             sodes of a new series for Showcase
ers and singers. It kind feels like                    hump me on a table while  peo-         been on a blind date so we all        good time, don’t humiliate them              called The Selkirk Foundation,
a sexy circus environment, but                         ple screamed, applauded, whistled         know how to act on a blind date,”     and be willing to adapt to what they         directed by NUTV alumnus Mike
there are no clowns. So maybe                          and went crazy,” she remembers. “I        she says. “Everybody’s met your       say or do.”                                  Dowse. In the meantime, she’s
I’ll do a sexy clown with some bur-                    thought, ‘This is really weird. I can’t   significant other’s parents for          The nature of Blind Date may              looking forward to returning to
lesque thrown in there’.”                              believe people are agreeing to this.’     the first time or you’ve moved        raise a few eyebrows, but there’s one        her improv roots at Loose Moose
   The initial version of Blind Date                   It was really fun and became the          in for the first time or you’ve       person that doesn’t seem bothered            and the challenge of Blind Date.
was only  minutes long and,                          one of the highlight acts of the tent.    had your first fight as a couple.     by Northan going on dates every                 “It could be absolutely amazing
due to its location in the caba-                       Then I got to wondering if I could        Can I bring somebody up on stage      night—her husband. Northan’s                 and it could be a total car accident,”
ret-like Spiegeltent, Northan was                      go longer, if I could spread out all      and get them to play with me. Can     beau, also an actor, was originally          admits Northan. “But people kind
able to inject a certain amount                        the burlesquey, naughty stuff and         I access their personal script?”      the centrepiece of the second part           of like that as humans. We like the
of sauciness into the proceed-                         put in some life stuff as well.”             Despite the on-the-fly nature      of the original Blind Date as a blind        huge, nasty failures just as much as
ings. As such, a typical install-                         The expansion of Blind Date from       of Blind Date, the circus act         man intended to be her original date         we like the successes.”
ment featured complete strangers                       a -minute show spanning a single        does operate with a small net.        that didn’t show up.
being fed chocolates by her, slow                      evening to a -minute experience         In this case, Northan has a set          “He was in on it from the begin-
                                                                                                                                                                                    Blind Date runs each Fri. and Sat. at Loose Moose’s
dancing with her or perhaps                            spanning a lifetime is obviously a        of guidelines she maintains to        ning and then we decided it doesn’t           theatre at Crossroads Market from Mar. 14–29 at
escalating into more physicality.                      large undertaking. Northan aims           ensure that everyone has fun.         really need the second half because                      10:30 p.m. Tickets are $15.

Filmmaking doesn’t always cost mad coin
$ 1 0 0 F i l m F e s t                                             Well, the Calgary Society for Independent
                                                                 Filmmakers wants to bring that back old-
                                                                                                                       Despite the now-international flavour
                                                                                                                    to the festival, there’s still very much a
                                                                                                                                                                        filmmakers has even begun to explore an
                                                                                                                                                                        important aspect of our own Calgarian life,
t h e a t r e p r e v i e w                                      fashioned, do-or-die attitude with the         local edge. With films from across Canada,          using a comedic concept to make us question
                                                                 Film Festival’s super-sweet  this coming         including animation from Halifax, America           our own prejudices.
Jordyn Marcellus                                                 weekend. Although the rules have changed—          and Europe there’s an impressive sense of              “There are a lot of themes that the pro-
E&P Editor                                                       it originally started out as a local competition   cohesion in the festival. Varied locations          gramming community and I picked up on,”
                                                                 for filmmakers to make films under —it         also mean varied styles of film—not only            explains Jacobson. “Quite a few films deal
   An old filmmaker in his rocking chair,                        has now blossomed as a showcase for both           will short films be on display, but animated        with living in an urban environment. There’s
slowly swaying back and forth discuss-                           international and Canadian short films.            shorts as well.                                     a local film called Madeline and the Wrong
ing the practice of making movies on the                            “The budget limits were a hundred dollars          “These films are coming from all over the        Part of Town [by Farrah Alladin and Alex
classic mm film stock. As he sits in his                        for the first few years when [the festival] was    world,” says Jacobson. “There’s animation           Mitchell] which is a send-up of how [we’re]
rocking chair, reminiscing about the good                        focused solely on Super mm film,” explains        from Halifax that was done through the              like at Calgary’s downtown inner core. It’s
ol’ days of grabbing an old Super  camera                        Film Festival co-ordinator Melody             Atlantic Filmmakers Co-Operative. There’s           about a housewife who wants to go to a sale
and shooting to the heart’s content. As                          Jacobson. “When we allowed mm films              also stop-motion animation from Austrailia          downtown but is frightened because of the
he slowly puffs on his pipe, he bemoans                          into the festival, we got rid of the budgetary     that is really cool. It’s quite amazing.”           people who live downtown, the ‘scary’ ones
a lack of films that disregard the desire                        limit. They’re all still low-budget films and         These filmmakers all explore different fac-      that are really marginalized.”
to make money and just try to use their                          it’s still important for people to know that       ets of their own lives, from environmental             Another prevalent theme throughout
budgetary limitations to their benefits.                         they can make films for under .”               sustainability to memory. One of the local          many of the short films is the concept
                                                                                                 GAUNTLET ENTERTAINMENT MARCH 13.08 23

Dancing on the
M a i n S t a g e
d a n c e p r e v i e w

Darren Young
Gauntlet Entertainment

           fter a three-month hiber-                          Nooshin Esmaeili/The Gauntlet

           nation, the dancers at the       With the other choreographers
           University of Calgary are     for the show, Kloetzel has helped
starting to creep out of their studios   to develop a program that can be
and into the University Theatre to       described as a commentary on
present their latest Mainstage Dance     contemporary culture. The ballet
show.                                    by Lindsay Walsh examines the
   The dancers have spent hours a        concept of incessant internal noise,
day for the past several weeks in        while Kloetzel delves into the realm
preparation for the show, which is       of the fairytale for her number.
typically one of the most popular        Each piece has taken some time to
fine arts events at the university.      research and coordinate, but the
Amongst the dedicated crew of            time to execute actual performances
movement specialists is artistic         is fairly limited.
director Melanie Kloetzel, who              “I’ve been exploring the idea of
promises another fantastic and           the fairytale for about a year now,”
eclectic year for the Mainstage          says Kloetzel. “This comes together
Dance production.                        remarkably quickly. People always
   “The show has five professional       prefer a little more time as artists, but
choreographers that come from all        it comes with the job and you just
around the world,” says Kloetzel.        have to roll with the punches.”
“It’s a nice mix. Three of the chore-       Choreography requires research
ographers are doing contemporary         and a relentless attention to details
[dances], one is doing ballet and one    that include not only physical move-
is doing hip hop.”                       ments, but aesthetic consideration as
   In addition to being the artistic     well. The dancers have costumes in
director of the show, Kloetzel is also   which they perform on original sets
the choreographer of one of the          under a variety of lights with diverse
contemporary numbers alongside           musical accompaniment.
her colleagues Milan Kozànek and            “The sets for this particular eve-
Wojciech Mochniej. Rounding out          ning are quite impressive,” says
the roster of choreographers is ballet   Koetzel. “They were designed by
choreographer Lindsay Walsh and          each choreographer with the help
hip-hop artist Tara Wilson. Kloetzel     of University Theatre Services.”
is still a relatively new addition to       With all the pieces in their right
the U of C Dance faculty, but has        place, Mainstage Dance 
an impressive history of experience      promises to be an exciting event
including time as the Director of        on campus. Spring is in the air, so
Dance at Idaho State University.         take a step out of your burrows and
   “Since I’m the brand-new faculty      head on down to the University
member, I became artistic director       Theatre this week to see the danc-
for the show,” explains Kloetzel. “I     ers roll with the punches, kicks, lock
had a dance company in New York          steps and pirouettes.
for about seven years. I’ve been a
choreographer and a performer
                                            Mainstage Dance is unveiled in the University
for quite a long time and I have            Theatre Mar. 13–15. Tickets are available at
been a director many a time.”                         Campus Ticket Centre.

of memory. While time heals              shot and these snowflake things as
all wounds, time also helps              well. It’s absolutely gorgeous.”
to frost over memories and                  With the advent of digital film-
make them blurry and unclear,            making and micro DV tapes, the
something explored by the short          roots of filmmaking are slowly
film Mechanical Memory by                being forgotten. mm and mm
Amanda Dawn Christie.                    film, and the wondrously rich grain
   “It’s made from old super mm         it can produce, is slowly becoming
footage that was shot by her father,”    but a memory. That doesn’t mean
explains Jacobson. “She found it,        that directors are willing to forget
but there was a fungus growing           this important medium. To see it
on the film. When she went to            featured on the big screen is a rare
print the film using an optical          opportunity indeed.
printer to blow it up to mm,
the fungus ended up looking
like snowflakes when it was on                 The $100 Film Festival plays at the Plaza
                                           Thu., Mar. 15 through Sat., Mar. 17. Screenings
screen. While you watch the film,        start at 7 p.m., and with tickets at $10 with student
you see the images that her father                       ID and $12 otherwise.

Modern culture is in the mix
                                        the urge to put every moment of                                                                                              real cultural traditions left.
                                        their life to music.                                                                                                           Anomie, the feeling of hopeless-
                                           Whole groups of young people                                                                                              ness caused by a removal of values,
                                        have spent their lives soundtracking                                                                                         has begun to cause a real sense of
                   Jordyn Marcellus     their years to tunes. The character of                                                                                       detachment, which is why some-
                           E&P Editor
                                        Rob in Nick Hornby’s High Fidelity                                                                                           thing so simple as the creation of
                                        is the perfect example. In the film                                                                                          a mix CD is actually important in

        housands of young, socially     version, one of his relationships                                                                                            the age of internet pseudo-intellec-
        inept, bohemian men and         started when he gave a fan of his DJ                                                                                         tualism. While it’s presumptuous to
        women have spent their          sets a mix tape. Every major breakup                                                                                         call something like making a CD full
singlehood hunched over their           has a song associated with it.                                                                                               of your favourite tunes a cultural
tape machines trying to get the            Outside of film, young bands                                                                                              tradition, it helps people connect
perfect playlist of unpretentious       like Los Campesinos! have songs                                                                                              with one another.
pop, esoteric rock and songs of         entitled “It Started With a Mix”                                                                                               Sharing the latest and greatest
unrequited longing to reflect their     about hand-lettered track listings,                                                                                          tunes allows for people to also
heart’s dearest desires. Essayist and   trying to make the perfect mix CD                                                                                            share an intimate moment with
poet Geoffrey O’Brien called the mix    for someone and how every relation-                                                                                          one another. Even though we are not
tape, “the most widely practiced        ship inevitably seems to start when a                                                                                        our taste in music and movies—no
American artform.” Anyone can           CD changes hand from boy to girl.        though, millions will open their          to make it seem like the creator is       matter what the bearded alt-rock
do it. There’s nothing to it except        Why is there such a pop cultural      ears to your mix tape—not just            in with the cool new tracks. It’s         demagogues would tell us—the con-
a music collection, a few hours of      obsession with mix tapes? It’s           that sweet-hearted girl you met           the perfect mix, because everyone         nection over a shared love of one
your time and a recipient who’ll        simple: it’s a common, shared expe-      at a Belle and Sebastian concert.         can connect over the music whole          particular song can help build long-
hopefully understand the deeper         rience for many young men and            Braff attributed the success of the       groups of young men and women             lasting friendships or strengthen
message in the mix.                     women in the First World. From           ludicrously-popular Garden State          have spent their time trading the CD      burgeoning romantic ones. It’s
   According to website Art of          the first mix CD made for that really    soundtrack to the phenomenon in           back and forth, chattering on about       why couples have “songs.”
the Mix, there are many different       pretty girl in English class who dug     an IGN Music interview.                   The Shins or Frou Frou. This con-           People who argue against pre-
kinds of mix tapes. You’ve got your     that t-shirt you were wearing to the        “Essentially, [I made] a mix CD        nection between music is why the          tension—who are inevitably a bit
traditional go-to standards like the    jaded hipster dude who asks—with         with all of the music that I felt was     mix tape is so popular. At worst, it      pretentious themselves—think it’s
romance mix, the breakup playlist       a cocked eye and a sneer—for the         scoring my life at the time I was writ-   can be a conversation starter; at best,   moronic to make each other mix CDs
or the road trip tape. Of special       latest shit-hot tunes, whole groups      ing the screenplay,” he explained.        an admission of puppy-dog love.           and it’s just some wanky exercise
note is the subcategory involving       of people think of their lives by the       Listening to the soundtrack at           In a society where people are           in musical snobbery. More often
romance: the foreplay mix, the          labels of their favourite mixes.         least once through is almost a right      becoming less connected with              than not, that isn’t the case. Some
coital mix and the after-sex mix.          Now that these young people           of passage nowadays for anyone            one another, where Facebook               express themselves through art,
Of course, these are self-parodying     are starting to come of age, they’ve     interested in independent music.          and text messages are the way             through dance or through their
jokes about a very real phenomenon:     begun to move their self-created         It’s so patently un-offensive that        to breakup with someone or ask            writing, the creation of a mix—a
The strangely obsessive habit that      playlists to their jobs. When you’re     it can appeal to everyone’s musical       out that hottie that you’ve met           good solid mix tape—helps reveal
some people have where they feel        someone like Scrubs actor Zach Braff     tastes, but with enough indie cred        a couple times, there are very few        something about the creator.
                                                                                                                                                    GAUNTLET ENTERTAINMENT MARCH 13.08 25

Ain’t that a kick in the face?
Great fights, bad writing give film a black eye
f   i    l    m        r   e   v   i   e   w

Ryan Pike
Entertainment Editor

             hen a sport reaches a
             certain level of popu-
             larity, it’s natural for
Hollywood to latch on and make
a film about it. Hockey had The
Mighty Ducks, stock car racing had
Days of Thunder and competitive
cheerleading had Bring It On. Now,
with mixed martial arts purport-
edly the fastest-growing sport on
the continent, Never Back Down
has kicked down the doors of
local multiplexes. Unfortunately,
it lacks the prestige of its spiritual
   Immediately, the audience is
introduced to Iowa teen Jake Tyler.
Plagued by guilt over his father’s
death and subsequently unable to
control his anger, Tyler’s been
tossed out of numerous schools.
                                                                                                                                                                 courtesy VKPR
When his tennis prodigy brother
gets into an exclusive school in               Shirtless men fight each other in parking lots in Never Back Down.
Florida, the Tyler family is on the
move. Tyler’s rage issues come                 the film takes place on patios, in    ing make it so that the audience         sters that appeared on The O.C.
in handy when he discovers the                 clubs or in parking lots. The audi-   can’t wait to see people get punched     and Smallville, along with two-
underground fighting ring being                ence is led to believe that, while    in the face. Thankfully, the fights      time Academy Award nominee
run by his new classmate, Ryan                 hockey players aspire towards         kick in early and often. Director Jeff   Djimon Hounsou. Everyone plays
McCarthy. Following a humiliating              the Olympics or the NHL, mixed        Wadlow and writer Chris Hauty            their roles well enough, given
beatdown, Tyler is taken under the             martial artists train simply to be    seem to be fairly clueless about         the writing, but the entire film
wing of a local trainer Jean Roqua             proficient in committing felonious    the sport itself, but they know          ends up feeling like the demented
(Djimon Hounsou) and aims to get               assault outside of any sanctioning    how to pace the film and the final       lovechild of The O.C. and the UFC.
even with McCarthy.                            body. Stranger still, none of the     fight is an effective centrepiece. A     Despite featuring some exciting
   The presentation of the sport               guys in any of the fights are mak-    romantic subplot involving Tyler         fight sequences and stylish pre-
of mixed martial arts in Never                 ing any money from them, so the       and McCarthy’s ex-girlfriend Baja        sentation, it’s like a movie about
Back Down is fairly paradoxical.               vast majority of men in Never Back    (Amber Heard) is also included,          aspiring basketball players ending
The men who train in Roqua’s                   Down are simply headcases who         but fills the screen with awkward        with their triumph being playing
gym are all shown as well-trained              like to hurt people.                  situations and tremendously laugh-       in someone’s driveway.
and dedicated, but it’s never really              On the other hand, the fights      able dialogue.
shown what they’re training for.               themselves are the best parts of         Never Back Down is brought
In fact, every bit of fighting in              the film. The direction and writ-     to life by a strange mix of young-         Never Back Down is in theatres Fri., Mar. 14.

                                        spun                  ALBUM REVIEWS

                                                                                       L    os Campesinos is one of the new bands of 2008 that really has a chance
                                                                                            to explode onto the music scene. Whereas most albums that appeal to a
                                                                                       wide variety of tastes are calculating shit meant to sell records, Hold on Now,
                                                                                       Youngster is a relatively unique album in the genre of typically overly-cute
                                                                                       and sentimental indie pop.
                                                                                       The group, a seven-member band from Wales, has all the trappings for a band
                                                                                       that would be an absolute aural mess. Violin, glockenspiel and keyboards are all
                                                                                       on display with the usual indie rock instrumentation. It’s a very easy formula to
                                                                                       fuck up. Too-loud guitar, too much violin or poor mixing of the instruments
                                                                                       will make songs come across as messy and unfocused. It’s a miracle when any
                                                                                       band balances it. On tracks like “You! Me! Dancing!” or “My Year in Lists”
                                                                                       the philosophy of “less is more” creates a simplistic, but surprisingly layered,
                                                                                       pop confection.
                                                                                       Where the musicianship is apt, the lyrics are a surprising element to the album.
                                                                                       Singer and glockenspielist Gareth Campesinos’ lyrics come across as blog poetry.
                                                                                       People may find it indulgent, but given the strong history of Brit bands navel-
                                                                Los Campesinos!        gazing at their own little bohemian culture—see similar acts like Ballboy or Ten
                                                         Hold On Now, Youngster        Grand—there’s a precedence for these kinds of lyrics. They aren’t cloying and
                                                                 (Arts & Crafts)       are for the most part earnest, which actually complements the music.
                                                                                       Ultimately, Hold on Now, Youngster is for the crowd of young men and women
                                                                                       who sit on their computers for days on end looking for the most esoteric musical
                                                                                       act and for those that spend their days making shitty YouTube videos of their
                                                                                       favourite band’s songs. With musical adeptness and clever and entertaining
                                                                                       lyrics, this group will definitely be in the running for Best New Band of ’08.
                                                                                                                                                     ..Jordyn Marcellus

                                                                       Apparently, mixing sangria, pee buckets and         and bass are cut with accentuated guitar riffs,
                                                                       abandoned houses produces something sur-            making for a plodding, defeated feel.
                                                                       prising: Ladyhawk’s sophomore album, Shots.         After taking a trip through Driediger’s slow
                                                                       To be more accurate, the Vancouver-based            despair, “You Ran” kicks the tempo up with
                                                                       rocker group recorded the album in a dishev-        driven drums, distorted guitar and chorus-
                                                                       elled house in their hometown of Kelowna            like vocals that leads into the creeping 10 and
                                                                       over the course of two weeks, which definitely       a half minute ending track, “Ghost Blues.”
                                                                       comes across in the scrappy-yet-emotional           The listener is left with a definite impression
                                                                       sound of the tracks.                                as the first slow, mellow song melds into a
                                                                       Starting off the CD is the heavy “I Don’t           shredding shuffle jam session with various
                                                                       Always Know What You’re Saying.” Low-               solos and powerful vocals fading off into an
                                                                       key verses set a dark scene and flow into the        understated acoustic finish.
                                                          Ladyhawk     more intense choruses, featuring frontman           With Shots, Ladyhawk creates a nuanced
                                                               Shots   Duffy Driediger’s loud, in-your-face words          slice of disaffected depression. Catchy rock
                                                       (Jagjaguwar)    led by explosive drum fills.                         tracks and slowed down bluesy ballads convey
                                                                       “Faces Of Death” takes the album down a             all the feelings of the album with refreshing
                                                                       different road, with Driediger floating into the     variety.
                                                                       track with a muted distortion. Minimal drums                                          ..Amanda Hu

                                                                       Coming at you with more energy than a Tas-          transitions between the two types.
                                                                       manian devil on Red Bull and ecstasy, Protest       Despite notably stellar individual tracks such
                                                                       The Hero’s newest disc, Fortress, presents an       as “Sequioa Throne” and “Bone Marrow,”
                                                                       exquisite assault on your ear drums.                Fortress is best enjoyed in a single, long
                                                                       Following their 2005 debut full-length Kezia,       listen. The songs blend together well thanks
                                                                       Whitby, Ontario’s favourite rebellious sons         to frequent tempo changes and instrumen-
                                                                       take the high-octane, guitar-driven punk            tal sections, often pushing the boundaries of
                                                                       that made them famous and added a layer             both the metal and punk genres by seam-
                                                                       of metal. The constant whine of blister-            lessly incorporating uncharacteristic piano
                                                                       ing note changes on guitar are even faster          or synth parts. The end result is a uniquely
                                                                       this time around, accompanied by more               fantastic blend of accelerated, talented and
                                                                       frantic, heavier drumming. The biggest              intricately-arranged music that comes easily
                                                   Protest the Hero    progression for this outing from Hero               accessible to metalheads and punkers alike.
                                                            Fortress   easily comes from frontman Rody Walker,             Protest the Hero sets the bar high with For-
                                         (Underground Operations)      whose expanded vocal range now includes             tress and it will be interesting to see if they
                                                                       deeper growls and screams to supplement             can follow it up.
                                                                       his quick, high-pitched singing, seamlessly                                     ..Derek Neumeier

                                                                       Because of the involvement of the CRTC in regu-     uneven. Opening with three songs that blur
                                                                       lating Canadian radio, there’s been a seeming       together, the album would’ve flowed better
                                                                       bias against Canadian bands. The rationale is       opening with the energetic title track and
                                                                       that because of needing to broadcast a certain      heading into “Feel the Pain” rather than
                                                                       amount of Canadian content, undeserving             lingering as it does. The same troubles return
                                                                       bands from the country get played over their        at the end of the album, as “End of the Line”
                                                                       more-talented foreign counterparts.                 is a fantastic way to close, but is followed by
                                                                       Even so, CRTC rules can get “undeserving”           two more songs.
                                                                       bands on the radio, but they can’t make             The Trews’ latest offering, No Time for Later, is
                                                                       them popular. The Trews have taken the              the musical equivalent of a bonsai tree—there’s
                                                                       opportunity presented to them by Canadian           something great in there somewhere, but it
                                                                       radio and turned it into a pair of success-         needs a great deal of pruning to get to it. As it
                                                        The Trews      ful albums. Their third, No Time for Later,         stands, The Trews have produced a textbook
                                                No Time For Later      seems poised for similar success, although          example of a B-/C+ album. Nothing is done
                                           (Bumstead Productions)      it’s fairly flawed.                                  badly and the album is an effortless listen, but
                                                                       The most glaring misstep on No Time for Later       it’s far from exemplary.
                                                                       is the album’s pacing. In short, it’s frightfully                                        ..Ryan Pike
escapes & pursuits                                                                                                                                                  GAUNTLET MARCH 13.08 27
                                                                                                                                                                Editor: Jordyn Marcellus—

           THEATRE                      Lint, Women, and the Neighborhood       Spirit of the West squeals into                                                     THINGS TO DO
                                        Council create a cosmopolitan           Flames Central to burn it down to          1  The week of has-beens. The lead singer from
Norville plays at the Vertigo Theatre   atmosphere at Broken City Thu.,         the ground Mon., Mar. 17 at 4 p.m.
                                                                                                                              Foreigner, the former lead guitarist of Kiss,
Mar. 13–30 at 7:30 p.m., dark on        Mar. 13 at 8 p.m. Tickets available     Tickets are $20 at Ticketmaster.
                                                                                                                              Avril Lavigne, and so much more. They’re all
Mon. Tickets are $36 at the box         Megatunes and Sloth Records.
office.                                                                          Martina McBride square-dances at
                                                                                                                              around town, so go watch the falling stars as
                                        Ace Frehley, the original guitarist     the Pengrowth Saddledome Mon.,                they try to eke out some money from their
Beauty and the Beast roars at the       for Kiss blasts into Flames Central     Mar. 17 at 7 p.m. Tickets are $40–$70         former star status.
Max Bell Arena Mar. 12 until Apr. 20.   to melt some faces Fri., Mar. 14 at     at Ticketmaster.                           2. St. Paddy’s Day. It’s time to get drunk and
Tickets are $43–$56 at Ticketmaster.    8 p.m. Tickets are $37–$49.50 at                                                      obnoxious. Check out the cab on Sat. night, or
                                        Ticketmaster.                           Daniel Wesley plays a set at the              just go to the Den for a $4.25 pint of Rickards.
Ben Hur rolls into the Crossroads                                               Gateway on SAIT Campus Tue.,               3. Go play outside. It’s still incredibly warm out,
Market Mar. 13–15 at 8 p.m. Tickets     Left Spine Down, Hydraulic Empire,      Mar. 18 at 8 p.m. Tickets are $5 at           and it looks to be staying that way. Grab your
are regularly priced at $18, $15 for    and Data.Disko burn down the            Ticketmaster and the door.
                                                                                                                              bike and hit the ol’ dusty trails.
students at the door.                   Underground Fri., Mar. 14 at 8 p.m.
                                                                                                                           4. Study. March Madness continues—from
                                        Tickets available at Megatunes and      Tons of Fun University performs at
Go on an improvised Blind Date          Sloth.                                  the Nickle Arts Museum Tue.,
                                                                                                                              essays, group projects and the dreaded mid-
Mar. 14 and 15 at 10:30 p.m. in the                                             Mar. 18 at 8 p.m. Tickets are                 term it’s time to crack open the books and cry.
Crossroads Market. Tickets are $15      Serj Tankian comes-a-callin’ to Mac     $12.50–$15 at Ticketmaster.
at the door.                            Hall Sat., Mar. 15 at 7 p.m. Tickets

                                        are $29.50 at Ticketmaster. Attire is
                                        jean jackets and combat boots.
                                                                                Alberta Sessions: Friend of Otis,
                                                                                Heather Blush, Ship Shape, and                     SPORTS                                          MISC.
Avril Lavigne is at the Pengrowth                                               J.W. Hannam is a display of Albertan    Fans of lacrosse can check out the        The Dinos Soccer Team holds the
Saddledome Thu., Mar. 13 at             Systatic, Melody Unwinding              musical talent at the Engineered Air    Calgary Roughnecks as they try            Mean and Green St. Patty’s Day
7:30 p.m. Tickets are $55–$149 at       and Stoning Mary break into the         Theatre Wed., Mar. 19 at 8 p.m.         to make the Colorado Mammoth              cab Sat., Mar. 15 starting at 8 p.m.
Ticketmaster. You know what to do.      Underground for some mad riffs          Tickets are $13.50–$18 at               extinct Fri., Mar. 14 at 7:30 p.m. in     The tickets are $5 in advance in the
                                        Sat., Mar. 15 at 8 p.m. Tickets         Ticketmaster.                           the Pengrowth Saddledome. Tickets         Kinesiology B atrium or $7 at the
Noted hair metal badass Lou Gramm       available at Megatunes and Sloth.                                               are $29–$59 at Ticketmaster.              door.
rocks the fucking house at the Back                                             Armin Van Buuren does a set up
Alley Thu., Mar. 13 at 8 p.m. Tickets   Jig for a Kiss hits up the Gateway on   at Tantra Wed., Mar. 19 at 8 p.m.       The Calgary Hitmen try to garrote         In honour of the Irish lads and lasses,
are $30 at Ticketmaster.                SAIT campus Sat., Mar. 15 at 8 p.m.     Tickets are $39.95 at Ticketmaster.     the Kootenay Ice à la 1950s mafia          the SU is holding the St. Paddy’s
                                        Tickets are available at Ticketmaster                                           assassins Sun., Mar. 15 at 5 p.m. in      Day Hoolie in the Den and Black
The lead singer of Our Lady Peace,      and at the door. Kisses probably        Angelique Kidjo plays at the Jack       the Pengrowth Saddledome. Tickets         Lounge all day. Pints of Rickards
Raine Maida, comes to Mac Hall          aren’t going to be available at the     Singer Concert Hall Wed., Mar. 19.      are $20–$35 at Ticketmaster.              Red, White, and Honey Brown are
Thu., Mar. 13 at 8 p.m. Tickets are     door.                                   Tickets are $38–$43 at Ticketmaster.                                              $4.25 all day.
$29.50 at Ticketmaster.                                                                                                 Old style shinny is back in vogue
                                        Kristoff, Cruz-ae, Jeremy Ardor and     Styx cashes in on their classics        with the Oldtimers Hockey                 Cinemania continues with American
Zimmers Hole digs a pit in the          Tristan Newton do their psychedelic     Wed., Mar. 19 at the Snatch Rock ‘n’    Challenge at the Pengrowth                Gangster in ST 148 Mon., Mar. 17
Republik Thu., Mar. 13 at 8 p.m.        trance thing at the Soda Sat.,          Roll Lounge at 8 p.m. Tickets are $45   Saddledome Tue., Mar. 18 at 7 p.m.        at 6:30 and 9 p.m. It’s free with your
Tickets are $17 at Ticketmaster.        Mar. 15 at 8 p.m. $5 at the door.       at Ticketmaster. Domo arigato.          Tickets are $15–$30 at Ticketmaster.      student I.D. and there is $2 popcorn.
comics      GAUNTLET MARCH.13.08 28
         Editor: Paul Baker—

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