The Seder Sidekick by jennyyingdi

VIEWS: 1 PAGES: 45

									            Seth to add




                                          Seder Agenda
                                   1. KADAISH         Let’s get drinks
                                   2. URCHATZ
                                   3. KARPAS              cru d'etat?
                                   4. YACHATZ           The breakup
                                   5. MAAGID          Ok I’m buzzed
…For the Relief of                 6. RACHZAH
   Incredibly                      7. MOTZEI
  Unbearable                       8. MATZAH         Crunch. Crunch,
   Extremely                       9. MARROR         Face turns red
      Loud
                                   10. KORECH       5 dollar footlong?
 Hunger Games
                                   11. SHULCHAN orech
                            You think I only
                                   12. SAFOON
                          have 4 questions??                  overeat
                                   13. BARAYCH            hammered
                                   14. HALLEL          Singing badly
                                   15. NIRTZAH        Animal noises



                                                             1
Table of Contents           This year in
                            Jerusalem.




•   Torah.
•   Jokes.
•   Top Ten Lists.
•   US WEEKLY Seder.
•   Jewified Seder Songs.
     When drinking your first cup of wine




                                                                                               SEDER      TIME




Q. Why do we lean when we eat & drink at our Seder?
Tonight we do things to recreate what it feels like not just to be a free man, but to be act like someone who has it
made (think Mega Millions Winner) … What’s freer than not having to worry about bills? Leaning resembles old
school aristocrats who some how found it classy to sprawl out , let it all hang loose, when feasting leisurely
between tea time and exploiting the bourgeoisie…so get on this:
         What new suggestions do you have make everyone at your seder feel like a Millionaire?
              Wardrobe        Red Carpet to the dining      Rename everyone with         Speak in British Accents
              CHANGE          room?                            completely absurd          for no reason…dahling
             between                                       celebrity only kid names?
              each                                         Blue Ivy, Maddox, Apple,
             Cup of wine?                                   Brooklyn, Pax, Scout
            Fill up your cup….




                                                                                         SEDER     TIME




Q: Why do we drink Wine, why not 4 shots of Potato Vodka?
Red represents the blood spilled by Pharaoh during slavery, the blood as part of the Ten Plagues, and the blood the Jews put on their doorposts, but
 another insight: wine, is the product of a long process (the longer it takes, the more expensive!). From the grape to the bottle, it goes through some long
 hard processes. So too, the Jewish Nation also requires a long process toward perfection: Egyptian slavery, then the desert, then centuries of exile and
 persecution. We’ve been through a lot. Just like wine, the results will be sweet. This is precisely why we always use wine for all of our holidays, a
 constant reminder to this idea (and is the reason why if no wine is available on shabbos, one should make Kiddush on the challah, as bread too is an
 amazing product of a long hard process) Cheers! (Ishbitzer Rav )
                               There are 4 cups of wine….why not 3 or 2 ….what’s FOUR got to do with it? Got to do with it?;
                                          4 Stages of Depression                    4th of July
                                          Oh yeah, this may nail the
                                           feeling you have, when               Independence Day!
                                            answering questions                                                                                         Any
                                            about your dating life                                                                                    others?
      Nothing gets the family together like some terribly
                                     Lame Seder Jokes!




Q. What’s the reason for this predefined structure of the evening? Shouldn’t we be FREE to talk and do whatever
whenever we want! After all, tonight we are FREE men!??? Perhaps this quote from Abraham Lincoln will help us             5
all understand the answer: "FREEDOM is not the right to do what we want, but what we ought. Let us have faith
that right makes might and in that faith let us; to the end, dare to do our duty as we understand it."            www.Bangitout.com
               Wash your hands…


When it comes to
Karpas, who is the
king of Passover?
A. Elvis Parsley!!                    Eat something green                                                                                               …dip in saltwater




Why do we double dip?
An interesting remembrance of dipping twice is to recall our coming and going from Egypt. Recall the first Jew to Egypt, Yosef, was sold by his brothers. They masked the sale to their father by
dipping his coat in blood to appear that he was killed. It’s fitting then that we left Egypt with a second dipping: the hyssop branch into blood to spread on our doorways before the final plague to
the firstborn. 200 years of History in a Double Dip!


Speaking of Yosef’s Technicolor Dream Coat…
Rashi when describing the material of colorful coat that Yaakov gave to Yosef,“ uses the words “KARPAS utecheiles." Weird! How is a coat, a Technicolor dream coat, like a vegetable?
! In order to remember why/how we were leaving Egypt, we must first remember why/how we got there in the first instance. It all started with the “ktonet pasim” the colorful coat that Yosef's
brothers dipped in blood to trick their father that his son, their brother Yosef, was dead, while his brothers instead sold him into slavery. Yosef ended up a slave in Egypt, and the story of the
Jews in Egypt begins... [please insert a little speech here about loving one another.] This is why we start the seder with KARPAS, we are essentially going in timeline order -- first the prequel
and then it all begins…The Alexander Rebbe (Yismach Yisroel) notes that Veggies are usually served as a side dish, but tonight – they are our most exciting main starter. (Don’t pretend like
you aren’t devouring tons of parsley right now) Symbolizing that things and people which are so often written off as secondary can be elevated, just like the slaves of Egypt (R Shlomo
Einhorn, NYC)

Green = Spring. What does Spring Represent?
Q. Why is Passover in the springtime? This was no coincidence; in fact it was a blessing. G-d could have taken us out of bondage in the cold of winter or the heat of summer, but instead G-d
took us out in perfect weather, Spring! The color green of karpas reminds us of this small detail, and helps us recognize that G-d went “above and beyond” in every aspect of our redemption,
                      Break the middle Matzah




Q. Why do we break the Matzah?
•   It’s the way of the poor man to store something for later – who knows where his next meal will come from?
•   Pieces of broken crackers – can it get any more “Poor man’s Bread?”
•   Rabbi Shlomo Riskin mentions one of the reasons the matza is broken is because we are celebrating only partial salvation- until our full redemption to Jerusalem we will never have complete Matzah
•   Rabbi Meir Goldvicht mentions that the break here symbolizes the break historic between Yosef and his brothers! Ultimate lesson – a small fracture in family can ruin generations - but let’s not forget we bring the piece back as our Afikomen (ideally, like
    the story of Joseph, a sweet ending – note: please add chocolate to your afikomen) so take a look at your family and see what can be repaired




Q. Break it? WHY!!!!!!?
I don’t get it – most of my matzot come broken, so why do I need to break the ones that actually made it in one piece? The defining characteristic of matzah is that it didn’t have an opportunity to rise – it was ripped away from the stove before it could fully
develop. Heck, without any yeast – it didn’t have much of a chance of becoming something big to begin with! Now bread, bread is all blown up and bloated – a fully developed specimen – it’s gone all the way. This distinction is no different than that of a
child and an adult. Children are in the process of becoming something (matzah) while adults are somewhat bloated, already reaching the end of their potential (chametz). Pesach celebrates the beginning of our history, of our life, of our opportunity as a
nation. It is a night that we ask question upon question – they way a newly speaking child asks Why this and What’s that – with renewed intrigue and enthusiasm. But we’ve all done it before. It’s rote. It’s the same. It’s boring. No! says Yachatz. Break
that! Become a child again! Don’t start this night until you break some matzah, break some preconceived notions, get back to basics! (Geoff Dworkin, NYC)




Breaking Up is Hard to do
Yachatz means “Break apart”, Yachad means “Come together”, the only letter difference are the ending letters Daled and Tzadik, which makes sense, since that spells “Dates.” (Bangachuver Rav discourses)
Top 10 signs the guy your daughter                                          Top 10 Signs Your Seder might be                                      Top Ten Signs you have what it
brought home for the Passover                                               Awesome!                                                              takes to be the Wise Son
Seder isn’t going to work out                                                                                                                     10. You ate before you got to this shindig
                                                                                                                                                  9.     Instead of 4 questions, you have one: “Relatives with
                                                                            10. 4 words: "Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Haggada"                      combovers, WTF?”
                                                                            9. Charlie Sheen is attending and will perform a paragraph            8.     You already figured out triage for the post plague Egyptian
 10. Hides the afikomen in his pants
                                                                               entitled "The Warlock Son"                                           ER
 9. Won't stop asking when the Latkas are going to be                                                                                             7.     You are baffled by why the Jews were in such a rush to bake
                                                                            8. You skip straight to the meal: That'll get 'em asking
    served                                                                                                                                          bread, if God tells them days before they’ll need to make Matzah
                                                                               questions
 8. When welcoming Elijah he checks the chimney                                                                                                   6.     You truly admire the rabbis who realized that theft, blackmail
                                                                            7. Hagaddah now has an improvisational part about Rabbi
 7. After fourth time calling your wife "Ma' Nishtana" still                                                                                        and parental extortion are the only things that can keep kids
                                                                               Akiva, R' Tarfon and R' Eliezer pulling an all-nighter...in          awake
    hopes to get a laugh
                                                                               Vegas                                                              5.     You know the ‘full’ gematria of Matzah is 190, you know that
 6. In return for the Afikomen, he asks to see your Tax
                                                                            6. Top Chef: Charoset Quick-Fire challenge                              the Jews were redeemed 190 years earlier than originally
    Returns
                                                                            5. Your neighbor is bringing live frogs                                 prophesied and you finish complex blackboard math equations
 5. To comply with the Hagadah, he punches the person                                                                                               while working as a Janitor at MIT
                                                                            4. The handmade matzah your stoner brother made smells
    who reads the "Wicked Son" in the mouth                                                                                                       4 . You realize that all this detailed talk about the Exodus is a
                                                                               "special"
 4. You are at the third cup of wine, he's on number 9                                                                                              great way to avoid talking to your family about your substandard
                                                                            3. Make your own Afikomen Ice Cream sundaes! (cue the
 3. After the afikomen is stolen, he starts pocketing                                                                                               love life
                                                                               kosher for passover Marshmallow toppings)                          3. You’d make a really lame Wicked Son
    silverware
                                                                            2. For the new 11th plague for Hosni Mubarak called                   2. . You cherish the irony that on the one night to celebrate
 2. When everyone points to the Marror, he points directly at
                                                                               "Facebook", family members are asked to give Seder                   national freedom, you’re stuck in familial bondage
    you
                                                                               status updates that don't involve the words "I'm starving"         1     Finally gives a reason for your dad to say “Like father like
 1. As a gift, he brings fresh baked Challah                                                                                                        son”
                                                                            1. One cat, one baby goat, one cage


 Top Ten Incredibly Cheesy Seder                                            Ten Quick Cheesy Ways to Enhance                                      Top Ten Ways You Know Your Son
                                                                                                                                                   :

 Superheroes                                                                your Seder                                                            Isn’t The Wise Son:
 10. PassoverKnight - He's always different than all other knight                                                                                 10. He used up all the saltwater on Urchatz
 9. MatzaMatzaMan - Within 18 minutes this superhero can flatten            10 When that Dayanu song begins, so does the musical chairs
                                                                                game                                                              9. Asks you what page is it in the Rosh Hashana Machzor
    himself and escape anything, even your incredibly intrusive distant
    relative                                                                9. When someone asks a question, you answer with a Magic              8.Thought the 6th Plague was ‘Don’t Steal’
 8. KarpasGirl - She can make any vegetable suddenly taste like the             Eight Ball                                                        7. Asks what other kinds of fish can be used to make
    greatest food on earth (primarily because you're starving.)             8. Following every long paragraph, you break in to a quick            Carp-as
 7. Sherlock Home: He can immediately detect whether or not a home              rendition of Fiddler of the Roof                                  6. Wonders why there is no honey around to dip the
    is pessadic enough to accept a lunch invite                             7. Each time the word "Egypt" is mentioned you and grandma do
                                                                                                                                                  apples into
                                                                                a shot of Manishevitz
 6. Man-ishtana - He's just like The Riddler, only in Hebrew
                                                                            6. Bnei Brak Up-All-Night Learning paragraph followed by a
                                                                                                                                                  5. Confuses 4 Questions, with 21 Questions (“Is it
 5. Dr. FunnelCake - His tempting treif smells are just too powerful to                                                                           something round on this table?”)
    resist – especially when hotdogs at $10 bucks each at Great                 spontaneous Lionel Ritchie "All Night Long" sing along!
    Adventure                                                               5. Demand Latkas                                                      4. Keeps asking when Elijah will come down the chimney
 4. Pinky - She is able to rapidly shoot wine drops to instantly ruin any   4. Go around the table and have each relative say which one of        3. Really wants to know how Egyptians became so stupid
    table cloth or haggadah                                                     the 4 SONS they were most like when they were kids                during the plague of Dumb
 3. The Bitter Herb- this is your evil uncle Herb who won't stop                (T.M.I?)                                                          2. Asks if he can read the part of Charlton Heston
    complaining about how long the seder is going                           3. Sing Britney Spears' "Slave for you" at any point during the
                                                                                                                                                  1. He already ate the afikomen
 2. Wonder Woman - this is what we call your mom after doing so                 seder
                                                                            2. Instead of hiding the afikomen, you eat it.
    much work for this holiday
 1. AfikoMan - If you can get to him first you hold the power to get        1 The obvious: Walk like an Egyptian                              8
 anything you want in this world!!!!!
    (NOTE: "anything you want in this world!!!!!" is limited to something
    less than $20 bucks that can be easily picked up at the RadioShack
                                                                                                                                www.Bangitout.com
    or RiteAid located next door to your dad's office)                                                                                                                                                    8
                                                                                                                                                                                            www.Bangitout.com
Top Ten Sons Left Out of                                        Top Ten Passover Movie                                                        Top Ten English Words
the Seder                                                       Previews:                                                                     you only know from
                                                                                                                                              Passover:
 10. The "30-year-old-still-single" Son, If he would just get
  a date , Dayienu                                              10. Hunger games - Kids must survive the seder on parsley and
 9. The Brovender's Daughter just home for Pesach, ready            saltwater
 to prove she's smarter than all 4 sons put together            9. The Descendants - A Jewish family descends to beautiful Florida
 8. The Alcoholic Son, "Can we get a little more wine in            only to reveal a deep dark secret: they overpaid on their return flight   10.   leavened
 this Charoset please?“                                         8. The Artist - a silent film about the point in the seder when you
 7.The "Watching TV during the 2nd Seder" Son, who just             actually get to eat
                                                                                                                                              9.    emissaries
 announced he is making aliyah                                  7. Midnight in Egypt - a charming story of a man who can go back in           8.    recline
 6. The Moshav Granola Son, who finds the murdering of              time to really understand what it was like to...(dang Woody Allen
 innocent parsley stalks offensive
                                                                                                                                              7.    affliction
                                                                    should've wrote the Haggadah)
 5. The "Scummy" Son, who is so bad that yeshivish girls        6. The Lorax - an animated feature about one of the insect plagues            6.    herbs
 can't help but find him attractive                                 you can't exactly explain to your kids                                    5.    shank bone
 4. The "Fallen off the face of the Planet" Son, nobody         5. The 3 Stooges - Before there was The Wise son, there were just
 knows where he has been but always shows up for the                these guys                                                                4.    pestilence
 holidays with new facial hair                                  4. 21 jump street - Two 30 something guys need to pretend they                3.    exodus
 3. The Feminine Son, who asks "Does anyone mind if I               are teenagers at the Seder in order to still be eligible for the
 sing Mah Nishtana to the tune of Rent?" (Why is my son             afikomen
                                                                                                                                              2.    expounded
 different from all other sons?)                                3. Extremely loud and Incredibly Close - stuck sitting next to your           1.    kid (baby goat)
 2. The "I love long D'var Torahs so that I can brag to my          annoying must-sing-every-section of the hagadah cousins
 friends how late my seder went" Son                            2. Moneyball - it's a cash afikomen
 1.The Miami Beach Sun                                          1. The Help - yes, the cleaning feels as if we were still slaves in Egypt



Top Ten Signs you are a                                         Top Ten Signs your uncle                                                      Top Ten Egyptian Reality
Passover FANATIC:                                                has had way more than                                                        TV Shows
10. Your keyboard has aluminum foil on it
9. Wonder why your supermarket doesn't carry                     four cups of wine:                                                           10. Egyptian Idol: 24 contestants vie to worship a sun
                                                                                                                                                   god
    Charoset                                                    10. You are singing Dayaynu, he is singing Lady Gaga
                                                                                                                                              9. No Deal or No Deal - Pharaoh's personal favorite
8. Your ticket to Miami is one way                              9. Invokes "Tonight I am free man" when asked                                 8. $25,000 Pyramid
7. Figuring out a way to market your "Passover                     politely to not lick the charoset from the bowl                            7. The Amazing Race - 600,000+ people journey across
    South Beach Diet"                                           8, He’s suddenly reading the Hagadah in a Australian                               a sea, a barren desert to reach a mountain top
6. You referred to your Upper West Side Subway                     accent (G’day Karpas Vegemite)                                             6. So You Think You Can Walk (like an Egyptian)?
    as the Who Knows 1 LINE                                     7. Two words: Manischewitz Pong                                               5. Egypt's Got Talent! - lot of snake-to-stick acts to
5. Score your employees performance based on                    6. He adds “tomorrow’s hangover “ to the list of                                   follow
                                                                    plagues                                                                   4. Flavor of Blood
    the 4 sons model                                                                                                                          3. Project Runaway
4. You wear a neckbrace now when you eat, due to                5. When you refill his cup, he says make it a double
                                                                                                                                              2. Extreme Makeover Plague Edition- This family's
    excessive leaning                                           4. After dripping wine for the plagues, he slurps your                             house was filled with frogs, pelted by hail, ravaged
3. Bought goat as cat food                                          plate                                                                          by animals, infested with lice and locusts, and worst
2. Only use creditcard, cash considered 'dough'                 3. He's totally double fisting the 3rd cup                                         of all, their light bulbs never seem to work
1. Started eating bread. why? So the kids will ask.             2 During benching he asks “when do we eat?”                                   1. Survivor: Firstborn
                                                                1. Passover to him means is to be passed out before
                                                                    Nirtza
Top Ten Signs the Hotel you are                                             Top Ten Most Popular Jewish                                         Top Ten failed Passover
in for Passover isn't so Kosher:                                            Questions                                                           Promotions?
10. Waiter assures you the rolls on the table are "hand-made                10. Are you sure you had enough to eat?                         10. US ARMY - "THE ARMY OF 'who knows ONE?“
shmurah"                                                                    9. How long ago did we eat meat?                                9. Animal Awareness Passover Campaign - "Frogs are our
9. You ask for Marror, they bring an old Tabasco bottle                     8. Why aren’t you married yet?                                   friends, not a plague."
8. They confuse the Hillel Sandwich with a Reuben on rye                                                                                    8. American Red Cross - "This Passover, lets make rivers of
                                                                            7. Did you hear the news about (any name)?
7. After The 2nd cup, waiter asks if you'd like to enjoy                                                                                     blood“
another beer with your dinner                                               Nebech
                                                                                                                                            7. Lenox Hill OBGYN - "We wont throw your newborn into the
6. Hagadah starts with kol nidre                                            6. But is it a hot Kiddush?
                                                                                                                                             Nile“
5. Maitre-D keeps greeting everyone with "Who's ready for                   5. Can we get a scholarship?                                    6. Adoption Promotion Week - "Drop your unwanted children in
Latkas!??"                                                                  4. You paid how much?!                                           a basket in the NYC Reservoir, for less fortunate parents to
4. Menu describes Karpas as a fresh fish-cake set in a light                3. What kind of question is that?                                find!“
citrus tartar sauce                                                         2. Mincha?                                                      5. D'Angelo's Barber Shop: "Free lice check with every haircut“
3. Hotel owner interrupts seder with "Who wants to meet the                 1. Oh, you’re from (fill in any city in the world), Do          4. Republic of China's Population Control Agency - Death of
Wise-ass Son?"                                                                                                                               the first born commemorative pins
                                                                            you know (fill in any random jewish name)
2. Afikomen is found behind the hotel bar, next to the                                                                                      3. Ebay: "Your Afikomen is worth a lot more than that"
pretzels                                                                                                                                    2. Radioshack: "You've Got 4 questions, We've Got Answers“
1. The 5th and most frequent question asked during your                                                                                     1. Kosher For Passover Ex-Lax, now in new Matzah strength:
Seder: "Do you want to charge this to your room?"                                                                                            "Ex-odus"


                                                                            Top Ten Seder Recipes for the                                   Top Ten Slogans for
 Top Ten Rejected Plagues
                                                                            Plagued Cook                                                    Charoset:
 10. Persistently high interest rates                                       10. Watercress covered in Blood Orange Vinaigrette              10. Ready Charoset Go!
 9. Paying 2.00 dollars for a cup of coffee                                 9. Frog Leg Fiesta (great in cholent)                           9. The breakfast of taskmaskers.
 8. Facebook mob wars                                                       8. Angel Hair with lice, ehr, rice                              8. Tastes Great. Mortar Filling.
 7. An hour too long with your extended family                              7. Basil Pesto-lence                                            7. Think outside the Matzah.
 6. A Very Special episode of The “Jersey Shore” Seder                      6. Wild rice                                                    6. Dip different.
 5. Incapacitating flatulence                                               5. Boiled Tongue with fiery gravy drizzle                       5. What's That? Nutin Honey.
 4. No cell phone reception in Pharaoh's Palace                             4. Hail Caesar Salad                                            4. The taste even a Maror can love.
 3. Stranded on an Island with the Shamwow guy                              3. Low-custard                                                  3. Flavor Cemented In.
 2. Warm Grape Juice                                                        2. Death by Dark Chocolate                                      2. Can't Shake the Taste.
 1. Radio stations playing 'Walk Like an Egyptian' 24-7                     1. Hardened hearts of palm                                      1. The seder-picker-upper.


 Top Ten Signs the Gentile You Sold Your Chometz to might be Jewish                                 Top Ten Other Things that God Should Have Banned other than Bread on Passover
 10. Before painting his Easter egg, he dips it in salt water                                       10. You're aunt's tone regarding your singlehood
 9. Observes Lent by giving up leavened bread                                                       9. Passover Food Price-rape
 8. Easter Basket looks suspiciously like your cute themed Shalach Manos from last month            8. Excitement around "Faltche Fish"
 7. Ordered wife's Easter Bonnet from sheitels.com                                                  7. Half-assed Post Passvoer Afikomen gifts (seriously, there should be Pre-Passover Afikomen Sales at
 6. Easter Feast suddenly relocated to the Fountain Bleu in Miami                                   toy stores)
 5. On Good Friday, wishes people a "Gut G'bentchin Friday"                                         6. Chol Hamoed Chasidim who think there's plenty of room for double strollers in Times Square
 4. Kicks off Children's Egg hunt with the words: "Find that afikomen!!"                            5. Tennis Ball smell associated with popping open a jar of macaroons
 3. Searches bangitout.com for Top Easter pickup lines                                              4. Miami Passover Club promoters who charge 20 bucks for a styrofoam cup of merlot
 2. When you ask him what day of lent it is, he says "Last night was 25"                            3. That guy in the Tea Room, who thinks it's fine to pick at the fruitplatter with his fingers
 1. He’s keeping your Chometz                                                                       2. Shrteimls in south beach
                                                                                                    1. The word Pesadick
Q: Bread of our Affliction? What happened to the Freedom aspect?
Didn’t we just mention that Matzah has two symbolisms? It was the poor bread that we were forced to eat during our bitter years of slavery in Egypt. And it was the bread of redemption that we
had we ate as we hastened us out of Egypt into freedom! Why is only one of these mentioned here? And if only one is to be mentioned, surely the more appropriate one would be the positive
one? Discuss....
One idea might be based on The Zohar – and noted in Tehillim 102- who writes that a poor man’s sincere prayers is stronger than the prayers of King David and Moshe. The bread of our
affliction might be the only thing mentioned here because it’s a more effective way of connecting with God! (This may be why Moshe’s name isn’t mentioned in the entire Hagadah) We are poor
men, with sincere prayers tonight – take a second and pray for the things you need with this bread in front of you – This is your time to be answered! (R Shlomo Einhorn, NYC)

Q. Now You Invite Guests? bit on the Late side, no?
Whoever is hungry come and eat! Isn't this a strange time to invite our guests? Besides, we've already got this Seda’ thang started. Shouldn't we invite our guest before we sit down for kiddush,
karpas, yachatz? Truth is, we should. But symbolically the deeper reason why we rock these epic words is because so often those who fall into sudden fortune completely forget who they were,
what it was like, how hard things were before everything changed.
How often do you hear of a person who hits the lottery, becomes famous, and suddenly forgets who they were before they became famous?? (only to be come an infamous YouTube sensation
(and is now on Celebrity fit club)?? The first and foremost message of the evening is that when things go well in your life you should never forget where you came from. We were slaves! We
were lowlifes and yes, the bread sucked. But Eureka – we are royalty now “Come on in!” enjoy a warm meal (eventually), a heck of a story and a overly friendly uncle - cause we know what it’s
like to need an open invite… So let’s enjoy our new found glory tonight but only by keeping a sensitivity to who we once were.

Q Next Year in Israel? I thought we were supposed to be starting with the slave stuff!?? R’ Menachem Genack explains a Prisoner with two weeks left on his sentence until freedom truly
experiences they psychological feelings of redemption (far more than a free man who has two weeks until incarceration.) He has what to look forward to! To be like a slave tonight – mentioning
the cusp of becoming free truly makes us empathize with what it is like to be a slave prisoner/slave – dark now – but constant aspirations for liberation. Yechiel Weberman notes that we only say
the words “Leshana Habah Byerushalayim” for two holidays: at the end of our Seder and at Yom Kippur. The reason being that these are the two holidays where the true essence of the holiday
Q. The entire night is all about questions - From The 4 questions to WHO KNOWS 1? Why all the ?????
The Dubna Magid explains that when someone asks a questions about something it shows their true interest in knowing about it. They always tell you at the end of a job interview to have a
question prepared…because it shows your true interest in the job. Questions express your interest in this whole Judaism thing. Let this be a night of questions, and lets hope this kicks off your
year for exploration into the millions of other questions you have about Judaism!

Q. Obvious 5th Question: Why 4 cups of wine tonight, instead of usual 1?
Rabbi Yakov Emden suggests that the Mah Nishtana is actually about the mixed messages of the evening: We eat poor person's bread and maror on a night that should be about freedom, we dip
twice- once like aristocrats at the beginning of a meal, and the second like people who don't really have a main course and so try to fill up on cheap, raw vegetables. We recline while eating to
express luxury, but we are still eating impoverished bread. The 4 cups, on the other hand, send a clear message of redemption and are not part of the internal contradiction. Therefore, they
aren't included. The questions thus underscore the significance and the mixed blessing of remembering not only redemption but also our suffering, and likewise the happiness of remembering
not only suffering, but salvation as well. (Elana Stein Hain, NYC)

Questions Breed Questions:
Noam Zion makes an important and interesting observation about the importance of questions, and links the Mah Nishtana to the Four Sons. It isn't always important how much you know or what
you learned -sometimes the most important part of the pedagogic process is which questions you ask (and which you don't). However, it isn't just important to have a question, but to have
someone who will take it seriously and give a thoughtful response. You can only ask a good question if you feel you are respected and taken seriously. Perhaps it's important to encourage
children (and adults) to ask all manner of questions at the seder and not just the ones programmed into the evening. Questions breed questions...which will lead to more learning! ASK AWAY!!!
(Edie Aviva Molot,)
                  We Were Slaves….




    The Wise Son Trivia:
         Everything tonight has a dual aspect to it –
         Slavery and Freedom - spend a few minutes
         before you start and figure out if you can
         explain the dual meanings to the following
         essential Seder things:

    Matzah
    Marror                                                                                    Shankbone
    Wine                                                                                      Someone complaining the soup is too salty
    Kittul                                                                                    Karpas
    Strange Uncle making offbeat comments                                                     Someone mispronouncing the
    Outstretched Arm                                                                           word “Gamliel”, “Chaldean”, “Aramite”
    Blood                                                                                     Hardboiled Egg
    Frogs                                                                                     Afikomen
    Actually listening and talking to your family                                             Blackmail
    Goats/Lambs                                                                               Imaginary visit from Elijah
    Burning your mouth out with super hot marror                                              Plagues

Q What’s so bad about being a Slave? Not a bad day job, right?
The Dubna Maagid explains that the worst part of the Jewish people’s “Avodah Kasha” hard back breaking labor wasn’t the fact that it was eh, hard and back breaking…rather the worst and most painful part was the
purposelessness of the Jewish people’s work…The Egyptians tortured the Jewish people mentally as well as physically. After all there is value in building a pyramid, but for it to be destroyed again and again for the humor of
vicious Egyptian slave master is tortuous. Someone who is engaged with doing nothing of purpose with their days may be as enslaved, as depressed, and as miserable as the Jewish People in Egypt…We should ensure that our
lives have meaning, progress and most of all purpose in whatever we do! (from R’ David Wilensky, Allentown PA)

Q Why are we still be obligated to discuss this story if we already know it?? Part of why we tell the story of leaving Egypt is actually feel like you are there tonight, - knowing and feeling are two different things – so no
matter how much you read in books, really “feeling” redemption can only be reached by vocalizing the experience. That everyone must do! (Rabbi Shlomo Einhorn, from the Minchas Asher)

Where is Moses, Moshe, Charleton Heston??
Has anyone noticed that the hero of the night (i..e. Moses) seems to be missing in this whole story? His name is only mentioned once (some hagadas even skip this part!) and there he is only mentioned ‘as the servant of
Hashem’? How can this be? In the Torah his name is everywhere! Imagine the Ten Commandments without Moses!? The idea here is that Moshe is not the star on Seder night, the star of the night is God and only Him. It is a
night of growing and building our faith, emunah, in something Higher than man. Sitting down with grandparents who sat at their grandparent's tables (some of who had Seders in the worst conditions imaginable (my grandparents
had seder on a boat from Shanghai, China after the War--I believe the US delivered matzohs to Hawaii!) and focusing on the Star of the night, which is none other than Hashem. This might be why the final plague is death, as
that is a time when most people realize how powerless they are in the greater scheme of life. The goal of the night in one sentence is to instill within our children and within ourselves that Hashem is always there for us even in
the most difficult of circumstances and even when it seems like we can never get out of such a bad situation, Hashem is always there for us. (R’ Yoni Henner, Jerusalem)

Egypt: Asphyxiation of the soul.
The word for Egypt in Hebrew is Mitzrayim. Those same letters produce Metzarim -- boundaries. Mitzrayim represented not only a profoundly debased spiritual level, but limitations. If you don't have room to breathe, life can
begin to feel suffocating, like the mikvah on erev rosh hashana. Pesach is the holiday for breaking through those limitations, for breaking free of all those things that imprison us, for moving through the spiritual barriers, peer
pressures and distractions that life (and Tivo) can throw at us. If we realize that this is the time to feel alive again then the next 8 days will be like waking up to no school on a snow day. FREEDOM!

PASSOVER BEHIND BARS
Rabbi Arye Levene Z”TL, the famous Jerusalem rabbi known as the “Tzaddick in our Time” for his unparalleled kindness, used to frequently visit Jewish inmates in prisons in Jerusalem (Grandfather of the great R’ Abraham Levene Shlita of Lower Merion, PA) After
Pesach he asked the prisoners if they were able to have a real Passover Seder in their incarcerated state. They responded “Yes, everything was exactly the same, except when it came time for the cup of Elijah; they didn’t let us open the front doors!!!!!” "And what
about freedom, did you feel like free men?” asked Rabbi Levene. The inmates, locked behind bars, were a bit confused.
Rabbi Levene explained that a true free man isn’t necessary a physical thing, but rather a mental state. Someone who is free is someone who has full control over his own thoughts and ultimately his actions. No urge, passion or external influence has any power
                                                                                                                                                                      Q: You hear about
                                                                                                                                                                      the synagogue of
                                                                                                                                                                      only Jewish
                                                                                                                                                                      Democrats in 2012?
                                                                                                                                                                      A: It’s called Bnei
                                                                                                                                                                      Barack

Q Who is visiting whom in Bnei Brak ?
R’ Akiva lived in Bnae Brak. But R’ Akiva was R’ Eliezer’s student! Why the was the senior R’ Eliezier – who’s hometown was in Lud – home of the Sanhedrin – coming to visit his student’s
house?? Shouldn’t it be the other way around? Making this question even more puzzling is the talmud Succah 33B, where R’ Eliezer stated he “never goes away for Yom Tov!!” What’s the
dealeo? – Why suddenly was there an all night torah slumber party at R’ Akiva’s house?
The answer is that these rabbis all lived in the generations that directly followed the destruction of the temple, a very dark and sad time for our people. No one kept the optimism and the
excitement for better times like R’ Akiva - as described in the end of the Talmud in Makkos – which explains how R’ Akiva was able to see the best things (3rd Temple) in the worst situations
(animals in the temple ruins). For this reason, he became the spiritual anchor of his time, and all the rabbis came to R’ Akiva for gain from his unbeatable faith and optimism. Note: Check the last
letters of each word in the pasuk: oR zaruA latzadicK, ulyishraI LaV SimchA
Its R’ A K I V A! - anyone who can see the best in the worst situation – shows the endurance of a true believer a true tzadik.

Q Is there any point in this “All night learning in Bnei-Brak”? Throw me a bone here! (shank bone preferably)
The 5 Rabbis (Rabbi Eliezer, Rabbi Yehoshua, Rabbi Elazar Ben Azaryah, Rabbi Akiva, and Rabbi Tarfon) who sat up all night in B’nei Brak discussing the seder, until their alarm clock students
came to inform them that it was time to say the morning “Kriat Shema.” The length of their exposition is extraordinary unto itself, but even more amazing when you see who these Rabbis
are. Their names appear throughout the Talmud, so it is no surprise that they can engage in lengthy discourse on matters of Judaism. But this particular conversation was important, because as
they went over the Haggadah, telling of how Hashem had saved their forefathers, they could have technically been called liars. Yep. L I A R S. See, none of them were descended from
slaves. All of their ancestors had either been converts, who obviously had not been in Egypt at the time, or from the tribe of Levi (including Kohanim), which Egypt had exempted from slavery, as
the Priestly class. So while we are commanded to see ourselves as if we, today, were being brought out of Egypt like our forefathers, these Sages would have thought back to their ancestors’
lives of relative luxury! How could they possibly be so involved in a story that didn’t directly concern them or their family! From here, we learn a powerful lesson about Passover, and
ourselves. The Jewish people is one entity- though we have different names, and occupy (vastly) different branches of the family tree, we are still inter-connected, and our fates inextricably tied
to one another. If one Jew suffers, than it is incumbent upon all of us to alleviate that suffering. (Of course, though possibly on a different level, the same applies to all mankind- we share our
world and origins, and are required to help anyone we can). Something that happens to our proverbial neighbor most definitely concerns us. This unity of experience, and consequent unity of
purpose, should drive us every day, just as it drove those Rabbis, who rather than saying, “At least my family wasn’t enslaved,” proclaimed, “My people was enslaved- my brethren were
oppressed- let us celebrate their redemption and ours, and let us pray for G-d to redeem us again!” And indeed that is the lesson of Passover- the Jewish people seem to be the most adept in
the world at drawing lines between one Jew and his fellow. We incorrectly allow our external differences to indicate that we are different inside, as well- and thus we are enslaved by our own
conflicts. Let us learn the lessons of the seder- free ourselves from our self-imposed slavery by recognizing that unity in our people can bring the ultimate redemption. (Steven Schwartzberg, NY,
NY )

Why was this Studying All Night? Was there a pop-quiz in the AM?
The Haggadah proves that no matter how great and wise you are, you can still grow. These great rabbis were talking all night about the Exodus. When they finished their meal, they continued to
discuss and probe. They talked about freedom: "Are we trapped? What's holding us back?"
They talked about the Red Sea: "What would you have done as you were crossing the sea? Would you have jumped in? How would you have felt walking through the water?" And they talked
about the blood on the door post. Actually most people think the blood was on the outside of the post, so the angel of death would pass over. Really, though, the blood was on the inside of the
post. The Jews sat there that first Passover night, staring at the blood. They were going to walk out of Egypt in the morning and enter into a covenant with God.
How would you have felt that night before you left? Would you put your outfit out? What things would you leave behind?
                                                                                                                                                                    R’ Elazar ben Azarya




                                                                                                                                                                                                     70, 18?
                                                                                                                                                                                                       Since
                                                                                                                                                                                                   when doe
                                                                                                                                                                                                    age make
                                                                                                                                                                                                         a
                                                                                                                                                                                                   difference
Q “I am like a man of 70?” Huh?
Gemara in Brachos tells us the background of this quote. Rav Elazar ben Azaria, was actually an 18 year old Talmudic genius, and he had been chosen to become the Nasi (President of the
Rabbinate). When he came home and told his wife, she tried very hard to dissuade him from accepting the offer because of all of the headaches associated with the gig. He then tells
her: "Should one not drink out of a crystal glass for fear of it breaking?" ( yes, that is up there for the coolest Talmud oneliners of all time). Bottom line: You can't use the possibility of something
going wrong as an excuse to not try it out. Which ultimately led his wife to say to him “But even so, how can you be the Nasi, you're beard isn't even white!”.. That night Hashem turned Rabbi
Elazar Ben Azaryah’s beard white as indicated in the Hagaddah—“I am Like a man of Seventy Years old” Keshivim shana (he was only 18 but suddenly overnight he looked like he was
70). Remember this: You want something bad enough, nothing can hold you back, the Ribono ShelOlam makes sure of it. (Michael Parker, Los Angeles, CA)

Rabbi Eleazar ben Azaryah said…Talk about a non-sequitur!
Here we are trying to get underway our mitzvah of sipur yitziat mitzrayim, telling the Exodus story, and with no clear reason, the author of the haggadah includes this somewhat irrelevant piece
about the daily mitzvah of zechirat yitziat mitzrayim, remembering the Exodus. But perhaps there is some relevance. There are three components to the mitzvah of sipur yitziat mitzrayim (talking
about it) that make it distinct from zechirah(remembering): 1) While reading to oneself may suffice for zechirah, sipur must be done in a question/answer dialectic; 2) while simply mentioning the
end result – leaving Egypt – may suffice for zechirah, sipur requires a discussion of the process, particularly our passage from a miserable situation to a praiseworthy one; and 3) the various
mitzvot of the night must be discussed in some detail (e.g., pesach, matzah, maror).
Given these unique components of sipur, perhaps the function of Rabbi Eleazar ben Azaryah’s statement is to function as a prelude to performing the mitzvah of sipur. Every night an individual is
required to remember the Exodus but tonight, the requirements have changed. We must revise our approach if we are to fulfill the mitzvah of sipur. And with the conclusion of this story, we are
thrust right into the sipur dynamic: The four Sons (question / answer); In the beginning our forefathers served idols… and built for us the Beit Habechirah to atone for all our sins (process) and
finally, Raban Gamlielel (discussion of seder night mitzvoth). Not too irrelevant after all. (Geoff Dworkin, NYC)

Q “Not until I heard the words of Ben Zoma…”
As mentioned above R’ Elazar Ben Azarya was only 18 when he was appointed head of the rabbinate! In our hagadah it describes how he learned the source of the mitzvah of mentioning the
exodus at night comes from a teaching of a sage named “Ben Zoma”…but what’s also interesting about this seemingly arbitrary reference is that Ben Zoma is well known for another classical
sagely teaching from Pirkei Avos: Ben Zoma Said: Who is Wise? One who learns from every man! It is possible that R’ Elaza Ben Azarya was actually crediting Ben Zoma for this sagely advice!
As R’ Elazar Benn Azarya was certainly intimidated to take the responsibility of the nasi at such a young age. But once he learned the teaching of Ben Zoma, that wisdom has nothing to do with
age, it’s one’s ability to learn from any situation and from any person that makes a wise man. This teaching may have inspired R; Elazar Ben Azarya to step up to the plate and achieve the
greatness he’d been chosen for – to lead the Jewish people…



Blessorama!?
Rabbi Shimon Shwab asks the question, what is with the Name “Makom” used here as G-d's name, usually the name "Makom" is used in moments of terrible loss.

For example, in the house of a mourner one uses the term “HaMakom Yinachaym Etchem…” “May G-d Comfort you..." So what's the deal? That name seems to be only used in places where
you think G-d is not. And judging by all the learning, discussion and cheesy bangitout Torah jokes tonight, G-d is certainly in da house! Rabbi Shwab clears it up for us with the following - Really
we invoke the name of Makom in times when we need to recognize most that G-d has a master plan for us even when we are at our wit's end, during the most confusing and hardest moments in
life. We realize that in some way it is all for the best, and we praise G-d with this name at those instances. At the seder, when we mention an Evil Son, the Rasha one might be quick to think that
Judaism just gives up on those kids. Not so - in fact we praise G-d here for those type of kids. The Hagadah invokes the name of Hamakom here to remind us that even for the most far off,
terrible and seemingly hopeless of children, we are reminded that G-d has an ultimate plan. SO BLESS TO THAT!
The Missing Son: The Lubovitcher Rebbi ZT”L always said there is a fifth son we must also teach, that is the son who doesn’t even make it to the seder table dinner.

Four or One? Are there really 4 sons here, or are these four characteristics that we find in ourselves. (Jung Archetypes perhaps?) Some say we are all a composite of these four at one
stage or other in our lives.: Rebellious, Apathetic, Brilliant, Simple? Heck, you could be all of these during this seder alone!

Do you know 1? How about 366? So you think you can be the wise son…. Let’s see:
Jews don’t do violence – what’s with knocking out the wicked son’s teeth? It’s to teach him a lesson. The numerical value of Rasha (Wicked) is 570. The numerical value of Tzadik (Righteous) is
204. Q: What’s the difference between the two? A: The wicked son’s teeth! (Sheinav) 366. The Wicked son is sitting at the seder table and not listening to the story or the message of Passover.
He is actively excluding himself with his statements (“What is this that you are doing?”) What do you do to get him to stop making snide remarks? Keep him quiet by taking out his teeth. If the
Wicked son lost his teeth (570-366=…) he’d pay attention to the miracles, begin to understand why we are doing the seder, and maybe get a big righteous (204!)

Rabbi Aaron Soloveichik always points out how strange it is that 3 of the sons are described by their intellect and one (the Rasha) by his moral activity, or lack thereof… His answer is that the
TAM (Simple Son) is actually supposed to be TAMIM – the (Pure Son). So that actually its The Wise Son vs. The One Who Doesn’t know how to Ask and it is the Evil Son vs. the Pure Son face
off. Which evens out the playing field!

Trivia: Some say that each son corresponds to each of the 4 Questions. What are the connections? ??? Think
The Wise Son Trivia:
JEWISH JEOPARDY!
We give the answer, you give the question!
A: Midrash
Q: What is a Middle east Skin disease?

A; The Gaza Strip
Q: What is an Egyptian Belly Dance?

A: A classroom, a Passover ceremony, and a latke
Q: What are a cheder, a seder, and a tater?

A: Sofer
Q: On what do Jews recline on Passover?

A: Babylon
Q: What does the rabbi do during some sermons?

A: Filet Minyan
Q: What do you call steaks ordered by 10 Jews?

A: Kishka, sukkah, and circumcision                                                                                                                                     Q. What's the
Q: What are a gut, a hut and a cut?
And speaking of circumcisions: An enterprising Rabbi is offering circumcisions                                                                                          difference between
via the internet. The service is to be called... "E-MOIL."
(forwarded to bangitout.com by Elisheva Cantor)                                                                                                                         matzoh and
                                                                                                                                                                        cardboard??
                                                                                                                                                                        A. Cardboard doesn't
                                                                                                                                                                        leave crumbs in the rug



    Matzah and Chometz - the difference one letter can make:
    The difference between chometz and matzah is one letter Hay/Ches – really it is just one line – add it and you have the same word - it can be confusing. In the same vien, sometimes things in life
    aren't always clear and there is a grey area between what is real (matzah) and what is fluff (chometz).
    The word "matzah" has a Hay in it, which is the letter that hinges on the little yud, representing Hashem, and the 10 (yud) could also stand for the ten commandments (not to mention the
    bangitout top tens). If we remember that the little yud is our foundation, behind everything we do we have the spark of Hashem behind our intentions, then our actions and decisions will always be
    guided on the right path. Bring it .

    What is with this all over the place Hagadah? Can’t we just stick to the Exodus story here!!??
    The Malbim says that the entire Haggadah is structured based on the Pasuk that is the Mitzvah to tell the story:
    "VeHigadeta LeVincha Bayom HaHu Leimor Baavur Zeh Asah Hashem Li Betzeitzi MiMitzrayim."
    1) VeHigadeta - we begin the Haggadah by relating some of the laws of Sippur Yetzias Mitzrayim
    2) LeVincha - the four sons
    3) Bayom HaHu - the paragraph I would have thought that we could fulfill the mitzvah on Rosh Chodesh, etc. no, it has to be tonight when we actually left
    4) Leimor - the main event, darshuning Arami
    5) Baavur Zeh - Zeh means you point to something, the pesach matzah and maror (the three things we have to mention)
    6) Asah Hashem Li - the paragraph that we have to view ourselves as leaving Mitzrayim
                                                                                                                      Q. Why did the matzah quit his job? A.
                                                                                                                      Because he didn't get a raise!!

                                                                                                                      Can I ask you 4 questions?
                                                                                                                      Ok, what's the second one?

                                                                                                                      Why did the Mortgage Crisis start on
                                                                                                                      Passover Too much leaning



Wrong Parsha Alert! Shouldn’t we be reading Exodus? This line “An Aramean Sought to do Destroy us” is from Deuteronomy!?
Anyone have any clue where this quote is originally from? It is actually found in the Torah (dvarim 26:5) in regards to Bikkurim, the commandment to
bring your first fruits to the Temple. (Which seems strange, as if you were going to tell the story of the Exodus, you’d think we’d be reading from Exodus!)
So, as my 8th grade rebbi used to ask, what’s that got to do with the price of tea in China? (regional variant: Bejip) There is a close connection between
bikkurim and the seder night. Both are offerings of thanks to G-d for his generosity! Saving our lives from Egypt, and blessing us with fruit! R’ Yerachamiel
Yisroel of Alexander says that both mitzvot have a Talking obligation, by bikkurim the commandment is to “respond and declare” praise when bringing
your fruit goodies, so too on seder night, where we are all about talking. The more one talks, the more praiseworthy! Hey that’s the name of the holiday:
Peh Sach= The mouth speaks!
Go out and Learn? Now? Isn’t the Seder The Ultimate FAMILY Time?
Our Hagada begins with the phrase, “Tzei Ulemad Mah Bikesh Lavan Ha'arami La'asot”. Two questions emerge. Why begin with the word Tzei, which
literally means go out? Learning generally takes place within the home and not outside. This is particularly true during the Seder night when we were
told V'ish Lo Tetzei Mifteach Beito, man was not to leave his house in Mitzraim. Rav interprets the phrase “Ein Maftirin Achar Hapesach Afikoman” as
“Shelo Y’akru Mechaburah Lechaburah,” that one should not leave his group after consuming the Korban Pesach (Pesachim 119b). Why, then, would we
begin the paragraph with the directive Tzei? Second, why do we insert this paragraph immediately following “V'he She'amdah Lavoteinu V'lanu?”

We find the word Tzei used in Parshat Noach following the flood. Hashem instructs Noach, Tzei Min Hatevah, Leave the ark. Why was it necessary for
Hashem to instruct Noach to leave the ark? One would have expected that once the water receded Noach would have left the ark even without a
command from Hashem. Apparently, Noach contemplated the option of remaining in the ark. Having witnessed an entire world destroyed as a result of
moral corruption, Noach doubted whether it was worth investing the effort to rebuild the world. If the world is going to be destroyed a second time, why
bother rebuilding it? Hashem had to implore Noach to leave the ark and begin the reconstruction of the world. A similar theme emerges in the context of
the Seder. We have just stated “Shelo Echad Bilvad Amad Aleinu Lichloteinu.” Not only did Pharaoh rise and attempt to destroy us, the Spaniards, the
Poles, and the Germans all have tried to eradicate Am Yisrael. Many have regrettably said, Be a Jew at home and a general citizen when interacting with
society. Yaakov may have felt this way when he was about to encounter Esav having just escaped the clutches of Lavan. But Yaakov responded, I lived
with Lavan, but I kept the 613 Mitzvot. Go out to the world and make a resounding statement that with the assistance of Hashem we will repel each
challenge and to remain a vibrant, unique people dedicated to the word of Hashem.
(derived from Rabbi Yosef Adler – Kol Torah TABC)
                                                                                                                                                                 11th plague: Charlie Sheen


Q. Why do we do anything special for these three things: Blood, Fire and Pillar of Smoke?

This is a quote from the book of Yoel, which speaks of the WONDERS that Hashem will do in the future. There are those who say that one must drip out 16 dorps of wine, as it has a lot of
significane for exampe there are those who say the 16 drops corresponds to the 16 sided sword of HKB"H (see Yalkut Shimoni, Tehillim 31:717), which corresponds to the 16 aliyot (Torah
sections read) during the week. Shemot 15:3 begins with a yud and ends with a vav (yud and vav equaling 16) and describes Hashem as a warrior. This quoted by Eliezer ben Moshe
HaDarshan as an allusion to the sword. While there are varying opinions as to why the wine is spilled, the great Spanish commentator, the Abrabanel, explained that one should remove
wine from the cup because wine is a sign of rejoicing, and one should not rejoice when an enemy falls. How the wine is spilled varies from family to family: some pour the wine out directly
from the cup and some flick the wine out with their finger. Really depends on what kind of stain you want on your plate, tablecloth, hagadah and naturally, brand new white kitul.  Many
authorities also stress not to, get this, LICK YOUR FINGERS afterwards! (even if you are starving) For that would signify taking pleasure in someone else’s pain. …right on!

Q Passover & TishaBav always come out on the same day WHY?

Heck, the Egg in saltwater is a tradition we do before fast days! The first half of the seder feels does feel like a fast but com'on? The answer lies in the last line of the Hagadah, if you make it
up that late. We say 'Next year in Jerusalem' Why? Because the temple was destroyed and we want to get back to that time of sacrificial steak sandwiches (from Prime Grill?) and beer in ole
Jerusalem. But how do we get to the days of old? The Haggadah has the answer (to everything I think). Think back: Why was the temple was destroyed: Baseless hatred. i.e., when a group
of brothers hate one enough to fake his death and sell him to slavery. That is the first dipping of the night (Josephs coat in the blood). If we learn from our mistakes that got us into this mess,
we can learn to fix it and be unified, like the eged (hyssop branch) which we dipped the blood to paint our doorposts at the time of redemption. The eged, which btw means unity, is the key. A
night like the seder that brings us together is bringing us one meal closer to plowing El Gouchos 22oz steaks in the times of moshiach.

Dayaynu Appreciation:
The Gerrer Rebbe explains that at each verse of Dayaynu one should stop and imagine a parralel universe as to What If….like the parralel world in the TV show LOST – how do you think
things would have turned out???? Discuss
                                                                                                                                                                  What did the Red Sea say
                                                                                                                                                                  to the Jews when it was
                                                                                                                                                                  split?
                                                                                                                                                                  Nothing. It just waved.

                                                                                                                                                                  Why wouldn't Moses let
                                                                                                                                                                  anyone use his staff? He
                                                                                                                                                                  couldn't part with it.

                                                                                                                                                                  What did Joseph use to
                                                                                                                                                                  call his brothers from jail?
                                                                                                                                                                  His cell phone.




Q: “In Every Generation” MAKE BELIEVE or REALITY?
“Bechol dor Vador Chayav Adam Liros es Atzmo KeIlu hu Yatza Mimitzrayim”
We say “In each generation a person should see himself as if he came out of Egypt” This statement appears in the Mishna (Pesachim) In the Gemara there, Rava adds that you also have to
say VeOsanu Hotzi Misham "He took us out of there." Both these phrases are said in the Haggada in the Paragraph which begins Bechol Dor vaDor. What does Rava's statement add to
what the Mishna said? It seems that he is repeating what just a moment before! I think that the answer is found in the Pesukim that the Haggada quotes. First we say "Keilu" At the seder
we “make believe” that we were the ones to come out of Egypt even though we were never there! But that is how the Torah wants us to perform the Mitzvah of telling the story of Yetzias
Mitzrayim. As it says "Vehigadeta Levincha... Baavur Ze Asa Hashem Li Betzeisi Mimizrayim. "You will tell your son...because of this Hashem did for me when I came out of Egypt."
HELLO! I can never be one of the Yotzei Mitzrayim because that happened over 3000 years ago!!! I can only try and relive the experience on Seder night as if I came out of Mitzrayim But
then Rava comes along with another Pasuk. “VeOsanu Hotzi Misham Lemaan Havi Osanu Lases Lanu Es Haaretz..." “And He took us out of there in order to bring us and give us the land
that he promised our fathers." Here we are talking about the ultimate aim of Yetzias Mitzrayim which is to come to Eretz Yisrael as was promised to Avraham Yitzchak and Yaakov. The
generation who came out of Mitzrayim did not merit to enter Eretz Yisrael. They all died in the desert after the sin of the spies. The next generation who entered the land, did not do so in the
way that had been promised to Avraham Yitzchak and Yaakov and so we were exiled and until today we have never taken possession of Eretz Yisrael completely and ultimately. In other
words the process of Yetzias Mitzrayim has not yet reached its ultimate conclusion! So who are the ones to complete the mission and to be brought to Eretz Yisrael for the final conquest of
the land? Rava tells us that we must say VeOsanu And He took US out in order to bring US to the land. At this point there is no more make believe, it really is us! We are the ones who
can complete the process. Its up to us to be worthy!! (R’ Ilan Segal, Har Nof Jerusalem)

Back to the Future :
True freedom is freedom from limitation - whether external or internal, whether physical psychological or spiritual. 'Mitzrayim' the Hebrew word for "Egypt" means 'boundaries' and
'constrictions'; 'Yetziat mitrazyim, 'going out of Egypt" is the endeavor to transcend limitation to rise aboveall that inhibits the soul of man. One of the most constricting elements of the human
condition is the phenomenon of time. Time carries off the past and holds off the future, confining our lives to a temporal sliver of 'present.‘ But on the first night of Passover, we break the
bonds of time, having received a mandate to experience the Exodus 'as if he himself has come out
of Egypt" We recall the Exodus in our minds, verbalize it in the telling of the Haggadah, digest it in the form of Matzah and Maror. As we Passover the centuries, memory - these faded
remnants of the past that generally constitute our only answer to the tyranny of time - becomes experience and history is made current and real.(sent in by Avi Korn Philadelphia PA,(from
Chabad)
         The authors of the Hagaddah were right on the money…
430 BCE     Slavery in Egypt. (Passover)
356 BCE     Haman attempts genocide of the Jews. (Purim)

138 BCE     Greek government outlaws the practice of Judaism in Israel. (Chanukah)

486 CE      Monks and mobs burn synagogue, dig up a Jewish cemetery, and burn bones.

624         Mohammed watches as 600 Jews are decapitated in Medina in one day.

640         Jews expelled from Arabia.

1096        First crusade: Thousands of Jews tortured and massacred.

1146        Second crusade: Thousands of Jews butchered across Europe.


1200s       Blamed for causing the Black Plague -- murdered in Frankfort, Speyer, Koblenz, Mainz, Cracow

1290        Jews expelled from England.

1306        Jews expelled from France.

1349        Jews expelled from Hungary.

1391        Spain: Seville, Majorca, Barcelona - tens of thousands killed.

1394        Second expulsion from France.

1400's      Jews accused of murdering Christian children and baking matzah with the blood.

1421        Jews expelled from Austria.

1492        Jews expelled from Spain; Inquisition.

1496        Jews expelled from Portugal

1500s       Marranos are burned in Mexico, Portugal, Peru, and Spain.

1553        The Talmud is burned in Italy.

1648-66     Cossacks, Poles, Russians, and Swedes massacre Jews.

1744        Jews expelled from Bohemia and Moravia.

1818        Pogroms in Yemen.

1840        Blood libel in Damascus.

1862        General Ulysses S. Grant expels Jews from Tennessee.

1882        Pogroms in Russia.


            Official Canadian reply to most Jewish pleas for refuge: "Unfortunately, though we greatly sympathize with your circumstance, at present you cannot be
1930s-40s
            admitted.


1939-45     Six million Jews are annihilated across Europe.


1948-67     Arab nations launch attacks to annihilate the States of Israel. Fearing for their lives, Jews flee Algeria, Iraq, Syria, Yemen, Egypt.

1917-91     The study of Hebrew is a "crime against the state" in the Soviet Union.
Some rabbis connect the 10 plagues to the 10 commandments!
       See if you can come of with some connections
The 10 Plagues                        The 10 Commandments
1. Dam              Blood             I am Your God
2. Tzfardeah        Frogs             You should have no other Gods
3. Kinim            Lice               Don’t Take God’s name in vain
4. Arov             Wild Animals      Keep the Sabbath
5. Dever            Disease on cattle Honor your Parents
6. Shchin           Boils             You shall not murder
7. Barad            Hail              You shall not commit adultery
8 Arbeh             Locusts           You shall not steal
9. Chosech          Darkness          You shall not bear false witness
10 Makat Bechorot Death of First Born You shall not c

Q Why is Marror listed last in the PESACH, MATZA MARROR trilogy?
Marror represents the bitterness that we find in life, and although its easy to appreciate pesach and the matza (representing our freedom), its ultimately hardest to recognize that the pain in
life, the marror, is also for our best. Being last is a indicator that we sometimes can only "look back" on the bad things in life and realize they are what made us the people we are today.
When we reach that level, we will find the sweetness even in the marror.

Q Chumetz = Arrogance, why do we eat it at all during the year? truth is, if you think about it, we need our trusty yetzer hara (evil inclination) to survive and live. It fosters our passions in life,
our sex drive, desire to eat and other necessary instincts. The challenge man must face is to learn to control his yetzer hara, and not simply just get rid of it. On Pesach we say to our Yetzer
Harah “Sure buddy, we need you around, but, make no mistake about it, we are in control and we can get rid of you anytime we want. Need proof? For the next 8 days, you’re symbolically
gone via our Chumetz extermination!” We tell the Evil inclination, that bottom line, we are the boss. However, the real message here is to work on our control of our Yetzer Hara all year
round. (Richard Frohlich, Staten Island)

NOT WITHOUT MY MATZA R' Paysach Krohn Story:
The Holy Skolener Rebbe, known for his incredible kindness to orphans, used to be in charge of baking matzos for his town. Getting matzos, or any food, in those days was not easy, so
when Passover came along, people from far and wide used to travel to the Skolener rebbe with hopes to attain three matzos to observe the Passover Seder. The saintly Vishnitzer Rebbe
sent his son to get matzos for his Seder, but when the Vishnitzer’s son came to the Skolener Rebbe, he insisted that the rebbe give his father 6 matzos. The Skolener Rebbe was taken a
back, there was hardly enough matzos to go around for his town let alone for anyone from out of town, and now the Vishnitze Rebbe was demanding six! The Vishnitzer’s son brazenly told
the Skolener Rebbe that his father told him not to leave his presence without the six matzos. After much arguing the Skolener finally agreed saying, “if the Holy Vishnitzer demands six, then
it must be with good intention.” The day before Passover came and suddenly the Vishnitzer Rebbe’s son showed up at the Skolener Rebbe’s door holding three matzos. “My father asked
that I return these three matzos” The Skolener Rebbe was dumbfounded. The boy had come a week before stubbornly demanding the extra three matzos - and now, the day before
Passover, he was returning them? The boy explained, “My father requested that I originally request six matzos, because he knew what a giving person you are, and that you would probably
give away every matzo you had, and keep none for yourself. To insure that you would have matzos for your Seder, he took for you.” The Skolener Rebbe, blushed in embarrassment, and in
awe of Vishnitzer’s own kindness and foresight, as the Skolener had actually given away all of the matzos he had baked to all of the poor people in the town and kept none for his own family.
                                                                                                                                        To tune of Take me out to the Ballgame
                                                                                                                                        Take me out to the Seder
                                                                                                                                        Take me out to the crowd
                                                                                                                                        Feed me some matzah and charoses
                                                                                                                                        I'm a King now, to Egypt we're never going back
                                                                                                                                        Cause it root root root for Moshe Rabbeinu
                                                                                                                                        Had to break the luchas what a shame!
                                                                                                                                        For it's one, two, ...four cups of wine
                                                                                                                                        At the ole seder plate!


                                                                                                                                      To the "SILVER SPOONS" TV Theme Song
                                                                                                                                      Here we are, face to face
                                                                                                                                      A Candle & a Wooden Spoon.
                                                                                                                                      Hopin’ to find, the leavened kind
                                                                                                                                      Making it dust, burning's a must.

                                                                                                                                      Together, we’re going to find bread today
                                                                                                                                      Bedika, searching the erev pesach night away.
                                                                                                                                      To search all about for those 10 things you just can’t find.

                                                                                                     Redemption Cup?                  Wooden Spoon & Candle together.
                                                                                                                                      You and I bedika (saying Kol Chamira today)
                                                                                                                                      You and I bedika (we’re going to burn it all away)
                                                                                                                                      You and I BEDIKA.



Second CUP – I’ll drink to that!
Before we make the bracha on the second cup of wine, we say a long bracha in which we thank Hashem for redeeming us and our ancestors from Egypt and enabling us to reach this night
of Pesach so we don’t have to eat matzah and maror ever again. We continue on to implore Hashem that we will celebrate other holidays in peace and joy and experience the rebuilding of
Jerusalem as Freemen. As the closure to this bracha, we thank Hashem for redeeming us (ga'al Yisrael).

Why do we say this bracha after Maggid and before eating? Why don't we say it at the beginning of Maggid, perhaps with the first cup of wine?

Don't we generally make brachot before performing mitzvot? If so, making a bracha after the mitzvah of telling the story of the Exodus from Egypt seems to be backwards!

The Chatam Sofer, a great rabbi of the 18th-19th centuries, explains the reason for the precise placement of this bracha. We cannot say this bracha prior to Maggid because at that point we
were still slaves to Pharaoh in Egypt. When a person converts to Judaism the process culminates in immersion in the mikvah, but whereas a person dipping in the mikvah usually makes a
bracha before doing so the convert only does after emerging from the mikvah. S/He cannot do so before because s/he was not Jewish before! Similarly, we cannot praise and thank
Hashem for redeeming us before we were actually redeemed. The Maggid is the process that brings us from enslavement to freedom. DRINK UP! (E. A. Molot)

Future Tense
It is well known that we are obliged to regularly remember the story of the Exodus as we do every day in davening and every week in Kiddush. But on Pesach, we commemorate the yetziah
in multiple ways. Part of the obligation of recounting the Exodus is to teach it from one generation to the next as we cite in the Haggadah, "you shall tell your child on that day- specifically
meaning, each Pesach. Telling the story of the Exodus at the Seder allows us to recount the story with all of our senses, to help us feel as if we were there. This is quite fitting because not
only is the commandment to tell the story of the Exodus highlighted in the Torah, but, in a more subtle way, so is the sentiment to feel the joy of the redemption in every generation found in
the Torah too. When we learn of Moshe and the Jewish people giving thanks for being saved from slavery, Shemot says, "Az Yashir..." which we read as "and then" [Moshe and Bnei Yisrael
chose to sing...]. But in fact, Az Yashir is written in future tense and can be read, "and so...Bnei Yisrael will sing to Hashem" which shows us that not only are the Jewish people to tell the
story of Yetziat Mitzraimin every generation, but the Torah also tells us that in every generation we should sing in praise of our redemption too. The Seder gives us an opportunity to learn,
discuss and recount - and it also gives us a vehicle to give thanks through song, just as ancestors did at the beginning of their journey as a free nation. (Suri Grussgott, NYC)
                         What flowers are
                         best for the seder?                                                                                                                       Why did the matza baker
                         U'rchids                                                                                                                                  rob the bank? He needed
                                                                                                                                                                   the dough.
                         Q: Why do we have
                         a Haggadah at                                                                                                                             Q: What's the best
                         Passover?                                                                                                                                 cheese to eat on Pesach?
                                                                                                                                                                   A: Matza-rella.
                         So we can Seder right
                         words.                                                                                                                                    What do actors wish
                                                                                                                                                                   each other before a big
                         Where do Seder-                                                                                                                           show on Passover?
                         lovers Vacation?                                                                                                                          Break-a-Matzah!
                         Cape Kadesh




Q. Isn’t Rosh Hashana & Yom Kippur the time for atonement, why then do we spend so much time ridding ourselves of our “chometz” e.g.,
Haughtiness- on Pesach? Don’t we already have holidays for sin cleaning!?

The difference can be understood with the following parable told about a poor peasant girl who suddenly becomes queen (fill in any type of whacky story line about how she got there - just
make sure it involves an old wise shoe maker) Anyhoo, upon entering the palace - the first thing all advisors warn her of is that she can’t be seen in her dirty beat-up rags (“E! Worst Dressed
List” here she comes) So what does she do? She burns all her old clothing with fire. Getting rid of any bit of her lowly past. Then, once she’s through the door and she’s finally ready to meet
the King – they get her in the showers, baths and clean her up to sheer princess perfection!
The same is true with us and our sin atonement process during Passover and Yom Kippur. When we get to Passover we are told if we want to get close to G-d, we must BURN our dirty
laundry (e.g., chometz). That’s only step one of our cleansing process, but to really reach the King’s palace on Yom Kippur we are advised to go to the mikvah, and wash ourselves of our
sins completely. So both holidays of atonement are all just one long process to get closer to G-d! Bang that out! (based on mashal told by R’ Ribner in Lakewood)
                                                                                                                                        The Symbolic Seder Numbers



                                                                                                                                          Q. Why 3 matzas?
                                                                                                      Q: What do you call
                                                                                                      someone who
                                                                                                                                          There are many 3's in Judaism:
                                                                                                                                          •       Avraham, Yizchak, Yaakov
                                                                                                      derives pleasure                    •       Cohain, Levi, Yisroel
                                                                                                      from the bread of                   •       Larry, Moe and Curly
                                                                                                      affliction?                         •       Mike D, Adrock, MCA
                                                                                                                                          •       Shachris, Mincha, Maariv (3 prayers)
                                                                                                      A: A matzochist.
                                                                                                                                          •       Bang. It. Out.
                                                                                                                                          •       Shalosh Regalim (3 Major Jewish Holidays)
                                                                                                                                          •       3 things the World stands upon (Torah, Prayer,
                                                                                                                                                  Kindness)
                                                                                                                                                       Can you name 3 more?
                                                                                                                                                  (also, anyone know why we break the #2?)



Q. We do many customs at the seder suggested by great rabbis, why does Hillel suddenly get his name on this Sandwhich?
 The Talmud tells us that once a group of rabbis heard cries from a house, Hillel responded that the cries could not be from his house, as his house lived by the words: “Kol D’Avid
Rachmunah LeTav Avid” That everything that happens to us in this world, happens for the best – good or bad. The Hillel sandwich symbolizes this concept – we eat the bitter and the
sweet all in one , This is symbolic of the way one should live and that whatever happens to a person, ups or downs, is from God and for the best. No other sage embodied this type of living
like Hillel and we recognize this beautiful philosophy when we eat the Sandwhich of Hillel. (Rabbi Shlomo Einhorn from Metukas Ohr hagadah)

The TEAM Sandwich:
Korech is less an individual act and more a team sport... like a sweaty men's locker room. Basically, by Korech we've said a whole book full of words and we're starving. Our “real men ”load
up their sandwiches with the "real" stuff- you know the white slices of real bitter herbs (not that "Romanian lettuce" wuss crap). This is the stuff you need a sharp knife for... like you're back
carving wood to build a fire. This is the stuff that makes you remember just how bad it really was in Egypt. Heck, maybe we have it even worse. Also, somehow, somewhere along the lines,
the geniuses in our religion I think have formulated a calculation that “the law” will be more fulfilled if you eat more white slices of instant-ulcer-clean-out-your-kishkes-&-sinuses-put-more-
hair-on-your-chest-herbs. Think about this - in a total of 30 seconds, you've confirmed your manhood and probably gotten more heaven. More than any man can ask for. But I digress. All this
machismo of "look how much abba has", and "oh ya, well check this out" (followed by an 50% increase of the white shards of death on your matzah) leads to some psyched up - "let's get out
there and win this thing!" feelings. All the men at our table are like busting out of the locker room before the big game as we say in a half-chanting, half-rap with crescendo’ing strength "Ahl
Matzoh, Umrormim... (culminating to a yell of) YOCHLOOHOO!!" Followed by the big crunch. Get Psyched or Get burned (Dov Robinson, Chicago, Il)
                                                                                                                                                                          Seder Idol
                                                                                                                                                                          Singalong



                    A British Jew is waiting in line to be knighted by the Queen. He is to
                    kneel in front of her and recite a sentence in Latin when she taps him on
                    the shoulders with her sword. However, when his turn comes, he panics
                    in the excitement of the moment and forgets the Latin. Then, thinking
                    fast, he recites the only other sentence he knows in a foreign language,
                    which he remembers from the Passover seder: "Ma nishtana ha layla ha
                    zeh mi kol ha laylot." Puzzled, Her Majesty turns to her advisor and
                    whispers, "Why is this knight different from all other knights?"




What animal do you think best represents the seder?

                                                                                                                                                                                   26
                                                                                                                                                                         www.Bangitout.com



   Lowest of Lows to get to the Highest of Highs
   The Haggadah relays that we had to leave hastily from Egypt (the first time we used the “religion” excuse to leave work early), for had we delayed any longer in Egypt, we would not have
   been rescued. Why the big rush? The Slonimer Rebbe explains that Moshe understood this concept from the burning bush. In Exodus, we find he approached out of curiosity to find out why
   the bush was not being consumed by the fire.(Similar to realizing your chometz aren’t burning because you wrapped them in tin foil) Although there is no direct response to this curiosity, G-d
   tells Moshe to remove his shoes, for he is standing in a holy place. The Rebbe of Slonim teaches the burning bush showed Moshe an analogy to the Jewish people. Although they were in
   the fires of impurity in Egypt, they would never be consumed as long as they had a shred of holiness. When they were on the 49th level of impurity, one level from losing all holiness, they
   had to be saved lest they become completely consumed by the impurity of the Egyptians.
   So you might ask yourself: Why the big procrastination? Why couldn’t G-d have given started the salvation a little earlier? Heck, if we had enough time to let our dough rise, we could be
   eating bagels right now!
   The answer goes back to the bush. A seed sprouts into a shrub after the seed has fully decomposed. To grow into a nation, and to withstand the many fires to come, the Jewish people had
   to decompose until the brink, and only then sprout strong eternal roots.

   The Incredible, Edible Egg!
   Sure it’s high in protein, but there has got to be a better reason to take an Egg-break. Bang this: an Egg is one of the few foods that hardens when you heat it up. So are the Jews – The
   slavery and persecution we have endured throughout the years has only strengthened our longevity and eternal connection with Hashem. Want my yolk?

   Some people dip their eggs in saltwater….Just like Nachshon Ben Aminadav had to dip himself into the salt water sea. The sea split just as it reached his…well you get the symbolism
   now….. (enjoy them eggs now!)
                                                                                                                                                               Who is behind Pharaoh's
                                                                                                                                                               Evil Empire?
                                                                                                                                                               Darth Seder

                                                                                                                                                               What was the name of the
                                                                                                                                                               Secret Spy for the Jews in
                                                                                                                                                               Egypt?
                                                                                                                                                               Bondage, James Bondage

                                                                                                                                                               Who is the Celebrity Queen
                                                                                                                                                               of the Seder?
                       Two Egyptians walked                                                                                                                    MatZsah Zsah Gabor
                       into a bar and called for
                       the bartender. "I'll have
                       a glass of blood," said
                       one.
                       “Make mine a double,"
                       said the other.
                       "Okay," replied the
                       bartender, "That'll be
                       one Dum and one
                       Dumber."




Q. Is Praise Proper? But what about all the dead human beings?
The gemara questions why don’t we say Full Hallel prayer(longer version) on the 7th and 8th days of Pesach. The Gemara says, because it is not right to sing praises, when any human
being, the creations of G-d, have been killed. SOOO the question you got to ask is, How the heck can we say it now at the Seder? Didn’t we just read all about Egyptians going through
some hellish plagues!?? Rav Chaim Soloveichik explained, the gemara’s statement was meant for future generations, they should not sing at a time when life is lost. But the generation, who
experiences the savior, as Miriam and Moshe led the song after the splitting of the sea, certainly can sing praise, as their lives were truly saved. On seder night, there is an obligation to feel
as if we were there, coming out of Egypt. It is as if we experienced this salvation firsthand, and therefore full Hallel Praise should be said wholeheartedly


Why songs about goats at the seder?
R’ Dovid Wilensky of Allentown PA explains that commentators have point out many explanations to this seemingly esoteric song.. But the most popular one has been:
The Goat = Jewish Nation
The 2 Zuzim = 2 Tablets of Tend Commandments
Aba = Hashem. All of the rest of the predators in the song refer to nations that have throughout time tried to destroy us – yet it always ends up with Hashem coming in and saving us from
even the worst attackers – so we have nothing to fear!… (Now have some fun trying to pinpoint which evil empire corresponds to each predator in the song!!)
R’ Shlomo Einhorn of NYC notes that Gad Ya – Sounds too much like “Ga Dah” to be ignored. So what we are singing really is Chad Gad Ya – Chad One Gadah Story – Jews around the
world have their own customs and ways of celebrating and renacting the Passover Seder – but really we are all sharing one collective miraculous redemption story!
Ma nishtana >>>                                                                                                 the 4 questions in other languages
The Ma Nishtana in Yiddish
                                                                                                                                                                                                       TRY ONE! (Accent required)
Tateh (or zayde), ikh vill dir fregen die vier kashes.
Der Ershte kashe ikh vill dir fregen:Far vus is der nakht von Pesakh andisht von alle nakht von a ganze yahr? Far vus alle nakht von a ganze yahr as mir villen, essen mir khometz, und as mir villen, essen mir matzoh, aber der nakht von Pesakh essen mir
nur matzoh?
Aber kein khometz turen mir nisht essen. Hab ikh dir gefregt ein kashe.
Der zweite kashe ikh vill dir fregen: Far vus alle nakht von a ganze yahr as mir villen essen mir bissere grinsen, und as mir villen essen mir zissergrinsen? Aber der nakht von Pesakh essen mir nur bissere grinsen. Hab ikh dir gefregt zwei kashes.
Der dritte kashe ikh vill dir fregen: Far vus alle nakht von a ganze yahr tinken mir ein mul ekhnit eyn? Aber der nakht von Pesakh tinken mir eyn zwei mul? Ein mul tsibele in zalz vasser, und der zweite mul khrain and kharoset. Hab ikh dir gefregt drei
kashes. Der vierte kashe ikh vill dir fregen:
Far vus alle nakht von a ganze yahr as mir willen essen mir ziztendik, und as mir willen essen mir ungeshpart? Aber
der nakht von Pesakh essen mir alle ungeshpart? Yetzt hab ikh dir gefregt alle vier kashes. Heint entfir
mir ein tiretz von alle vier kashes.

The Ma Nishtana by a Teenager on Instant Messenger:
WHY SI IT THAT ON AAL7 OTEHR NIGHTS DURNIG THE YEAR WE EAT IETHER BREAD RO MATZOH, BUT O|\| THIS JNIGHT WE EAT ONLY MATOZH!??!?!? LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OLOLOLOLO!!!!!1~~~~~ WHY SI IT THTA ON AL
OTHER NIGHTS WE EAT A7L KINSD 0F HERSB, BUT ON THIS NIGHT W3 3AT ONLY IBTTER HERBS!???!??!?!??!? WHY Is IT THAT ON ALL 0THER |\|IGHT SWE DO NOT DIP OUR HERBS 3VEN O|\|CE, BUT ON TH1 SNIGHT WE DIP TH3M
TWICE??????? WH YSI1T THAT ON 4LL PT3HR NIGGHTS E EAT IETEHR SITTIG OR RECLINING, BUT oN THIS NIGHT WE 3aT IN A RECLINIMNG POSITION??????

The Ma Nishtana in Ebonics
Why iz dis here night be different from all otha nights, ya dig sucka?
On all otha nights o' da year we's eat breads an' matzzile an' dis here night we's only eat stale matzas?
On all da otha nights o' da new years we's eat all types o' greens an' on dis here night we's eat marror? slap mah fro!
On all other nights o' da year we's never dip, but on dis here night we's dip twice? dang
On all other nights o' da year we's be sitting or reclining laid back, but on dis here night we's lean way back?

The Ma Nishtana in Pig Latin:
Ywhay isyay ityay atthay onyay allyay otheryay ightsnay uringday ethay yearay eway eatyay eitheryay eadbray oryay atzohmay, utbay onyay isthay ightnay eway eatyay onlyyay atzohmay? Ywhay isyay ityay atthay onyay allyay otheryay ightsnay eway
eatyay allyay indskay ofyay erbshay, utbay onyay isthay ightnay eway eatyay onlyyay itterbay erbshay? Ywhay isyay ityay atthay onyay allyay otheryay ightsnay eway oday otnay ipday ouryay erbshay evenyay onceyay, utbay onyay isthay ightnay eway
ipday emthay icetway? Ywhay isyay ityay atthay onyay allyay otheryay ightsnay eway eatyay eitheryay ittingsay oryay ecliningray, utbay onyay isthay ightnay eway eatyay inyay ayay ecliningray ositionpay?


French
Pourquoi cette nuit est-il différente de toutes autres nuits ?
Sur toutes nuits que nous ne trempons pas même une fois, sur cette nuit que nous trempons deux fois ?
Sur toutes nuits nous mangeons du pain ou matzah, et sur cette nuit seulement matzah ?
Sur toutes nuits nous mangeons n'importe quel genre de légumes, et sur ces herbes amères du soir !
Sur toutes nuits que nous mangeons asseyant le montant ou reposer, et sur cette nuit nous tout repose !

German
Warum diese Nacht verschieden von allen anderen Nächten ist?
Auf allen anderen Nächten tauchen wir sogar einmal, wir an dieser Nacht nicht ein eintauchen zweimal?
Auf allen anderen Nächten essen wir Brot oder matzah, und auf dieser Nacht nur matzah?
An allen anderen Nächten essen wir irgendeine Art der Gemüse, und an dieser Nacht bittere Kräuter!
An allen anderen Nächten essen wir sitzend aufrecht oder zurücklehnen, und an dieser Nacht wir alle lehnen zurück!

Italian
Perché questa notte è diversa da tutte le altre notti?
Su tutte le altre notti che non immergiamo anche una volta, su questa notte che immergiamo due volte?
Su tutte le altre notti mangiamo il pane o il matzah, e su questa notte questo soltanto matzah?
Su tutte le altre notti mangiamo qualunque tipo di verdure, e su queste erbe di notte amare!
Su tutte le altre notti che mangiamo sedendo dritto o reclina, e su questa notte noi tutti postura reclinata!

Dutch
Waarom is deze nacht verschillend van alle andere nachten?
Op alle andere nachten dalen wij zelfs eenmaal, wij op deze nacht niet dalen tweemaal?
Op alle andere nachten eten wij brood of matzah en op deze nacht enkel matzah?
Op alle andere nachten eten wij enig soort van groenten en op deze nacht bittere kruiden!
En op alle andere nachten eten wij zitten recht of leunen en op deze nacht wij iedereen leunt!
                                                                                                                                                                                                                 Got Questions?
Spanish
¿Por qué es esta noche diferente de todas las otras noches?
¿En todas las otras noches que nosotros no mojamos aún una vez, en esta noche que mojamos dos veces?
¿En todas las otras noches nosotros comemos pan o matzah, y en esta noche sólo matzah?
¡En todas las otras noches nosotros comemos cualquier clase de verduras, y en esta noche hierbas amargas!
¡En todas las otras noches que comemos sentarse vertical o recostar, y en esta noche que todos nosotros nos recostamos!                                                                                                                        28
Sh*t your Family Says @
                               The Seder
                  Kadesh: this is the part where my dad spills red wine on the tablecloth and my mom says: ‘Are you F@#ing serious? We JUST started for
                  chrissakes!”

                  Urchatz: this is the part where my dad gets his hands washed tableside and my mom says: ‘I’ve been cooking for like a month and you can’t
                  get the F#@$ out of your seat to wash your hands?!’

                  Karpas: this is the part where my dad pronounces ‘karpas’ like ‘crap-ASS’ and my mom says: ‘That was funny in 1972. Pass the radish, you
                  ass.’

                  Yachatz: this is the part where my dad deliberates for about 10 solid minutes which half is bigger and my mom says: ‘For F@#$’s sake! It’s
                  the piece in your right hand! I can see it from here!!’. Then she goes into the kitchen to check on the soup.

                  Magid: this is the part where my dad pontificates about the minutiae of the musings of Rabbi Akiva, Rabbi Tarphon and the other layabouts
                  for way too long and my mom says: ‘This would be mildly interesting…if you didn’t give the same f@#$ing dvar torah for the last decade. Get
                  new s@#$ already!’

                  Rachtza: this is the part where my dad gets his hands washed tableside for the second goddamn time and my mom says: ‘Seriously?
                  Again?’ and then bitches if he spills on the carpet.

                  Motzi/Matza: this is the part where my dad gets all confused and has to check if you say both brachot or just one and then eat the big matza
                  or half of the middle plus the…and my mom says: ‘Holy Christ! It’s the same every f@#$ing year! Twice! How do you not remember what to
                  do? And don’t give me the Alzheimers s#$t!’

                  Maror: this is the part where my dad is all surprised that the maror is really strong and is making him turn all red and my mom says: ‘Wow,
                  who knew maror can do that to you!?’ all sarcastic like.

                  Korech: this is the part where my dad thinks he’s doing minimally-invasive laparoscopic surgery with the measuring and the breaking and
                  the folding and the dipping and my mom says: ‘If you even start to tell the Earl of Sandwich joke, the hardboiled egg is all you’re getting
                  tonight’.

                  Shulchan Orech: this is the part where my dad makes a point of saying how fantastic the kneidlach taste this year and my mom says: ‘I get
                  it I get it. Your father-in-law didn’t eat gebrochtz and you had to wait till he died for you to have your f@#4ing kneidlach at the seder. I hope
                  you’re happy. It’s ok, he didn’t like you either’.

                  Tzaphun: this is the part where my dad goes to take a crap and my mom says: ‘Like clockwork. Like f*^&ing clockwork’.

                  Barech: this is the part where my dad can’t find the machzor he has been using for the last 2 hours, although the odds are it’s in the pile to
                  his left and my mom says: ‘Just use a different one! I haven’t slept in about 4 days and you suddenly can’t remember benching off by heart?’

                  Hallel: this is the part where my dad sings all the hallel tunes including ones that he made up and my mom says: ‘You just made that one up.
                  Are you drunk?! You realize you’re drinking grape juice, right?’

                  Nirtzah: this is the part where my dad thinks it’s funny to make all the sounds for Chad Gadya, including a pretty convincing cat impression
                  and a Darth Vader/Monty Pythoneque ‘I am DEATH’ for the mal’ach hamavet and my mom says: ‘That was the best seder ever! I’ll clean up
                  with the kids and you go read the paper. I love you.’
    Egyptians -
They’re Just Like Us!
                 Tzefardaya!


                                           Kinim!
Dam!



                                                             Arov!




Dever!
                     Plagues Edition




                                       Choshech

         Boils
                                                    Makas Bechoros!
                   Locusts
Moshe is not be mentioned at all in our HAGADAH, why not?
Maybe our sages wanted us to envision ourselves as that leader tonight.
Here are some tips on at least how to look the part… living the part is up to you.


           How to get the perfect MOSES/Hipster look!

Walking staff, for long walks in
the desert or from your living
room to bathroom                                                    Smokey Fiery Eyes; Anger raging at
                                                                    the sinners of this broken world who
                                                                    consciously choose to not recycle. I
                                                                    will deny your vegan COOP
Grey hair is a sign of a hard traveled                              membership! Damn you!
life. Or a Kelly Osbourne /Tim Gunn dye
you just washed in. Pay $150 for this
haircut/blowout



       Your
                                                                    Facial Hair scruff like you’ve been
  unpublished
                                                                    hiking a mountain/ haven’t left
  masterpiece
                                                                    Brooklyn in 40 days.
 autobiography/
  guide to life.
    unsure of
humbly sharing,
                                                                    Wear a thrift store kaftan/kama as a
  destroying or
                                                                    belt. Scarfs are too mainstream.
   posting an
anonymous link
 to your foodie
 blog from your
yet to be created                                                  Kittel/bathrobe. Just not white. too
   other twitter                                                   cliché.
      handle
                                                 Seder Horoscopes
Aries (march 21-april 19) You                    Taurus (April 20- May20) You feel              Gemini ( May 21 – June 21 ) You               Cancer (June 21 – July 21) You
could hesitate to take the initiative at your    increasingly uncomfortable as a free-          could lapse into Pharoahlike pessimism        might be much more aware of yourself
seder. Rather wait till maggid to see how        man as the seder goes on. Perhaps              at the beginning of your seder as your        than usual and hyper-alert like a Wise
things pan out before you say a major            you're tongue-tied in the Dayenu - quite       dad rambles. Suddenly the glass appears       Son to every move at the seder by your
D’var torah. Your leaning and seder pace         rare for you. The problem is you are the       half empty and everything looks like it’s     annoying guests. You're feeling self-
is hindered in some way, although you            child who does not know how to ask.            gone to saltwater. You feel like the seder    conscious about your ma nishtana. Too
may not be sure why. It's best to go with        Perhaps you feel you've lost your              plate is going around in circles. You         much self-analysis of the plagues could
your intuition and not ask more than 4           bitterherbs edge. Don't despair. This is       might ask yourself what you're doing it all   drive you completely insane if you don’t
questions. You're better off taking the          only a passing phase. After 2 cups of          for anyway. Good question! Not to worry,      lighten up with some more sweet wine
safer route with Romaine lettuce rather          wine and an Iran debate you should be          Charoses indulgence is what your sweet        and karpas.Try not to take every word of
than risking the burn of raw marror.             leaning like a king.                           spirit needs. That, and some more             mussar your father says so seriously. It’s
                                                                                                shmura matzah to ground/bloat you.            time to just burn the bush.



Leo (July 22-Aug 22) Your attitude is            Virgo (Aug 23-Sep 22)You're                    Libra (Sept 23-Oct 23) Be careful             Scorpio (Oct 24-Nov 22) You might
calm and matter-of-fact when explaining          likely to have tremendous concentration        about shutting your doorpost off from the     talk at the seder sagely as if you lived
the seder plate to others. You tell it like it   on the idea of being a free man. Use this      rest of the seder. You might hesitate to      though 200 years of slavery. You have,
is to be a slave, while omitting the             to your advantage, Virgo, because it may       talk to your awkward cousins. You could       but that doesn't mean you should be
mussar. You’re happy to disclose divrei          not last long. You're usually blown from       have the feeling that they're unworthy of     arrogant about it. As a result, you could
torah to any willing listener. Be careful,       one thing to another like a slave out of       your deep divrei torah. Perhaps you feel      grow frustrated with others who act
because you could get into someone               Exodus, and it's hard for you to settle on     that your explanations are more               immature or uneducated about the
else's pain points at the seder, and steer       one vort. You may have to shut a few           important and that others are too             amount of matzah to eat. It isn't your job
away from anything involving Israeli             people out in order to finish Hallel fast,     concerned with time to understand the         to judge. Help others understand the
politics or Chabad.                              but it will be worth it to get to the hillel   true depth of Bauch Hamakom. Isolating        bigger picture of freedom instead of
                                                 sandwich, your favorite.                       yourself certainly isn't what Peoplehood      assume they're the Simple Son or Son
                                                                                                is about.Nation building takes all 4 sons!    Who Doesn’t know how to ask/learn.

Sagitarius (Nov 22- Dec 21)                      Capircorn (Dec 22-Jan 19) You                  Aquarius (Jan 20- Feb 19) You're              Pices (Feb 19-Mar 20) If you have
Once you've made up your mine to be              might be hard like Pharoah when it             feeling a bit lonely, slavelike, perhaps      the opportunity to teach someone a new
free, it;’s doubtful any Pharoah can             comes to the facts, and come across as         even isolated with your awkward cousins,      song or vort, do it. There's probably
change it. You're set in your seder order        tough and rather harsh in your mussar          Maybe you think no one else has the           someone at your seder who needs
and your minhagim set in stone. You're           vorts. Dayenu. In reality, this often just     same wild animals running through their       instruction now. You'll have the patience
trustworthy as matzah is flat and                masks your sensitive slave interior.           heads. You’d be surprised to know how         and clarity of words to straighten things
predictably solid. Others can depend on          Perhaps you're insecure about your             many others feel awkward at their seder       out and make double dipping obvious.
your dvar toahs and know where they              feelings of pseach/freedom. People             too. Not to fret, just know you are a         Don't be stingy with your seder
stand in relation to your views. Don't let       might never know this because you're so        Chosen People and the seder is there to       knowledge. Spread your wisodm like
self-doubt slip in, tonight you are a king!      good at showing only the strong-willed,        say you are not alone. We are all from        frogs and let the seder be covered in the
This is your time to stand tall and proud.       frog-hoping side of your personality. Be       the same nation of idol worshippers, but      blood of your talmudic insights.
as a free man.                                   careful of being too stingy about sharing      like Exodus, things can change in the                                      33
                                                 yourself seder ideas with others.              blink of an eye.
                                                                                              Please Channel Your Inner
                                                                                                  Child Now. Why?



Q. Why is this man here?

                                       The man above has NOTHING to do
                                       with your Seder!
                                       (Unless he’s on the 25th cup of wine)
                                       But we got you to start asking
                                       questions! You 1, Rest of family 0




    Trivia:
    The Talmud tells us that only 2 mitzvot a poor man is obligated to sell the shirt off
    his back for – what are they?

    1. Chanukah lights
    2. The Four Cups of Passover

    Why These Two specific mitzvot?
    Anyone, Anyone, Anyone?

    These two mitzvot are both about shedding light on dark times. Chanukah lights,          Because children ask the simplest yet
    no brainer….but the four cups really represent the miraculous redemption we                  most profound questions. And
    experienced from slaves to men with fine wine in our cups! This is the idea is          sometimes we need a child-like restart,
    called Pirsumay nisah. Both mitzvot should incite the idea that wherever we are          a renewed optimism, to look at things
    in life right now – poor or not - things can change in an instant! We start the         fresh, and begin to stupidly ask curious
    seder off with this type of Mitzvah of hope for the future.                                 questions about who we are and
                                                                                                                           34
                                                                                                where we came from. Now, can
    So fill those cups up - and sanctify this time and more importantly the bright
                                                                                                    someone cue the wine.
    future ahead!
                                                         Seder Song Idol
                              You’ve had some wine, now it’s time for some SEDER’oke
                                To the Tune of the Brady Bunch Theme song                                 To the tune of Piano Man by Billy Joel                     To the Tune of Mockingbird
                                                                           Here's the story                    It's nine o'clock at the Seder Night                  Hush, little Moses, don't say a word,
                                                     of our great-grand Bubby and Zeide                      The regular family members shuffle in                   God's going to give you a bush to burn.
                                                Who were enslaved for about 210 years.                       There's an old man sitting next to me                   And if that burning bush don't sing,
                              All of them were stuck in Egypt, with their Jewish brothers,                    makin’ love to his Manishewitz yayin                   God's going to make you goto the Egyptian king.
                                                it was awfully hard work and bitter tears.                                                                           And if that king's heart turns hard,
                                                                                                           He says, "Son, can you tell me bout the Exodus            God's going to give you a get-out-of-jail-free-card
                                                                       Here’s their story,                        I'm not really sure how it goes                    And if that get out of jail card don't cash,
                                                                    Lets call it a “Seder”          But it's sad and it's sweet and it’s got no leavened wheat       God's going to give you a walking staff.
                                          Which we tell about how they finally broke free!          so wake me up when we get to the matza hors’ devours             And if that walking staff breaks,
                                                 God sent Moshe to deal with Pharaoh,                                      la la la, di da da                        God's going to bring blood to the lakes.
                                                            and also to split the red sea.                                   La la, di di da                         And if that bloody water gets dumped,
                                                                                                                               da yay nu                             God's going to bring you frogs that jump.
                                 Till that one day when God himself came to our rescue                                                                               And if those frogs don’t play nice,
                                          And they knew it was much more than a hunch,                        Sing us a song, it’s the Seder, man                    God's going to bring you creepy crawly lice.
                                That this group of slaves would somehow form a nation.                               Sing us a song tonight                          And if those lice don't seem to itch,
                                         That's the way we all became the Jewish Bunch.                    Well, we're all in the mood for the Exodus                God's gonna bury your animals in a ditch,
                                                                     The Jewish Bunch,                     And this First Cup got us all feelin' all right           And if wild animals are ruining the soil,
                                                                                                                                                                     God's gonna bring you skin burning boils,
                                        That's the way we all became the Jewish Bunch.                       To the tune of Hotel California                         And if those boils don't make you wail,
                                                                    The Jewish Bunch.                           On an Egyptian desert highway                    .   God's gonna pour down on you fiery hail,
                                                                                                                      Cool wind in our hair                          And if that hail ain't as big as nuts,
                                                                                                                   Warm smell of mazohballs                          God's gonna send you swarmy locusts,
                      "The Matzah Show" to the tune of the Muppet Show
                                                                                                                   Rising up through the air.                        And if those locust eat all your bark,
                                                             It's time to burn some chometz
                                                                                                                   Up ahead in the distance                          God's gonna make the sun go dark,
                                                                    It's time to bless the lights
                                                                                                                    There’s no food in sight                         And if you thought darkness is the worst of the storms,
                                  It's time to start the seder, on the Matzah Show tonight
                                                                                                            My head grew heavy, and my sight grew dim                God's gonna take your very first born.
                                                                                                           Why is this different then all other nights!?             So here is a lesson you should know,
                                                                      It's time to put on kittels
                                                                                                                                                                     If you were a good pharaoh you would just let my people go
                                                               It's time to lean left, not right
                                It's time to raise the 4 cups, on the Matzah Show tonight                      There Elijah stood in the doorway
                                                                                                                      I heard his dayanu song                        To the "Three's Company" Theme Song
                                                                                                                   And I was thinking to myself                      Come and knock on our door ...
                                                             It's time to ask some questions
                                                                                                         This could be Heaven or Maagid prolonged!?                  We've been waiting for you ...
                                                              It's time to leave Egypt tonight
                                                                                                                  Then I asked the 4 questions                       Where the 5th cup is yours and yours and yours,
                                    It's time to get things started on the most sensational
                                                                                                                The hagadah taught me the way                        Eliyahu's company, too!
                                                   Inspirational, celebrational, sederational
                                                  This is what we call the Matzah Show!!!!!                    There were voices for each 4 sons
                                                                                                                    I thought I heard them say:                      Come join us for our sedor...
                                                                                                                                Chorus                               Take 15 steps that are new ...
                                         (Discussion #1: How could Kermit be a plague?)
                                                                                                                Welcome to our Passover Seder                        We've lived in galus that now needs your hatzolos,
                                                                                                                         Such a lovely place                         Eliyahu's coming IY"H soon.
Katy Perry - California Girls                                                                                  Such a lovely place (background)
                                                                                                                      There’s no need to race!                       You'll see that life is a seder and Jerusalem is calling for you ...
                                                                                                             Plenty of room at our Passover Table                    Israe'ls our rendezvous,
I know a place,                                                                                                          It’s that time of year                      Eliyhu's coming now Nu!
Where the karpas is really greener,                                                                            It’s that time of year (background)
Wheat, spelt or rye,                                                                                                                                                 To the Tune of the "CHEERS" THEME SONG
                                                                                                                    When we can’t serve Beer!                        Making your seder in Florida today takes every penny you've got.
Becomes leavened with water!
                                                                                                                                                                     Taking a tax break from all your school tuitions, sure would help a lot.
                                                                                                             To the “Addams Family" Theme song                       Wouldn't you like to get away?
Sipping Kedem grape juice,
                                                                                                              They're creepy and they're snoopy,                     Sometimes you want to go, where everybody knows your last name,
Leaning on my seder pillows!
                                        Kadish Urchatz - we're unforgettable,                                          Neurotic and kooky,                           and they're always related in some way.
The sons - wise, bad n’ mute,
                                        Karpas, Yachatz – Passover Shnapps!                                       all craving mazoball soupy,                        You wanna be where you can see, that other people paid the same (for hotel)
try'na snag the afikomen!
                                        Bitter Herbs,                                                                  Your Seder Family.                            You wanna be where everybody knows where you're stayin. (Fountain Bleau)
                                        So hot - it’ll melt your popsicle!                                    Their house is clean from chometz
You could travel the world,
                                        Oh oh oh ohhhhhhh!                                                     Your uncle seems to have turrets                      You wanna go where people are showy, Brooklyn in Florida is all the same,
But nothin' comes close,
                                                                                                                   a non stop night to Kvetch                        You wanna go where everybody flies business class on the plane.
To that final fourth Kose!
                                        4 questions, we're undeniable,                                                 Your Seder Family.
Once you seder with u-us,
you'll be eating gebructs!
                                        Fine, fresh, fierce,
                                        Horseradish shell shock!
                                                                                                                   So open up your hagadah
                                                                                                                    a pillow for grandmotha
                                                                                                                                                                     You want to go where people know, the boardwalk is packed Chol Hamoed
                                                                                                                                                                     You want to go where everybody knows your brother's sister's husband's
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            35
Oh oh oh ohhhhhhh!
                                        Passover represent, now put your Hagadah up!                          We can’t stand and love eachotha                       cousin's butcher's wife's rabbi's brother's name.
                                        Oh oh oh ohhhhhhh!                                                             Your Seder Family!.
                                             Seder Song Idol
                                                                                  To "The Fresh Prince of Bel Air" Theme Song
TV Show The Golden Girls                                                                               Now this is the story all about how
                                                                                                    My life in Egypt got flipped upside down
Thank you for being Hashem                                                                     And I’d like to take a minute just sit back and lean
                                                                                      I’ll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Mizrayim
took us to Egypt and back again
you brought us out                                                                                 In West Alexandria born and raised
                                                                                              In a basket is where I spent most of my days
with a "mighty hand" and an "outstretched arm"                                                     Chilling out, maxing, relaxing all cool
                                                                                            And all floating in da Nile like swimming in a pool
(bum bum bum)                                                                          When a couple of Pharaoh's guys said we’re up in no good
                                                                                               Started making trouble in my neighborhood
                                                                                         There was one harsh decree and the Jews got scared
and if you only gave us Shabbos                                                   And said you’re moving down to Goshen with Yisro & Tzipporah there
we would still say DAYEINU                                                                 I whistled at this burning bush and when I came near
but you took us through a sea                                                                the bush said Shalom, had I had too much beer?
                                                                                              If anything I could say that this miracle was rare
so our nation could be free                                                                But I thought can't forget it, Yo Pharaoh's been unfair
and tonight i gotta say
                                                                                              I pulled up to a palace about seven or eight
                                                                                           And I yelled to Pharaoh, yo homes smell you later
Thank You for Being Hashem .                                                                    Looked at my kingdom I was finally there
                                                                                     To Let My People Go; Taking da Jews to freedom from despair
                                                                                                                                                             Green Day’s Basket Case
                                                                                                                                                                        Do you have the time
                                                                                                                                                                        To listen to me whine
                      To the Theme of "Happy Days"                                                       The Frogs Song!                                            About all the things that I want?
                          Dam, Tzafadaya, unhappy plagues,                                      One day king Pharaoh awoke in his bed,
                           Kinim, Arbah, unhappy plagues,                                   There were frogs in his bed and frogs on his head.                             I am one of those
                           Dever, Schin, unhappy plagues,                                       Frogs on his nose and frogs on his toes.                                 Super whip smart yids
                           Darkness comes, what a plague,                                                                                                               I Snagged the afikomen
                                                                                                         Frogs here, frogs there,                                        halfway through magid
                            Will you finally free the Jews?!                                        Frogs were jumping everywhere.
                                                                                                                                                                                (bridge)
                                This Passover is ours                                                                                                     We’ve spent way too much time on pascal sheeeeeep
                       Let My People Go. (Oh Happy Plagues)                                                                                             I almost choked on that marror that was hot as (BLEEP)
                      No more slavery scars (Oh Happy Plagues)
                                                                                   To the Tune of "WHAT IF GOD WAS ONE OF US"
                             Oh please spill some wine.                                           by Joan Osbourne                                                             (chorus)
                                                                                                                                                                      When all is said and done
                                                                                                   If God had a seder, how would it be                                 I WANT MY AFIKOMEN!
                             Hello Moses, goodbye slaves,                                         And would God drink the Daled kosos                      Cause I’m just paranoid, that you’re all too drunk!
                     Pharaoh's gonna give in, he's gotta be insane.                           If you were faced with him in all his malchus
                          You finally ready to be a free man?                                What would you ask, if you had just one kasha?                                     (verse)
                                                                                                                                                                        I went to the rebbetzin
                      Don't forget your chocolate macaroon can.                                                                                                          To ask her if it’s a sin
                                                                                   And yeah yeah God eats legumes... yeah yeah God eats corn.....yeah         To ask for both an ipod and a playstation2
                                This Passover is ours                                                   yeah yeah yeah yeah
                       Pour me some wine. (Oh Happy Plagues)                                                                                                                I went to my bro
                      Egyptians have SARS (Oh Happy Plagues)                                          What if God ATE KITNIYOS?                                      He told me just ask for dough
                                                                                                       Just a Sfard like one of us                        And just give everyone the matza already, dayanu
                             Oh, afikomen please be mine
                                                                                                       Just a normal baal haabus                                                (bridge)
                          Dam, Tzafadaya, unhappy plagues,                                             Trying to find his Afikomen                         I’ve spent way too much time on pascal sheeeeeep
                           Kinim, Arbah, unhappy plagues,                                                                                               I almost choked on that marror that was hot as (BLEEP)
                           Dever, Schin, unhappy plagues,                                And yeah yeah God eats rice yeah yeah God eats beans
                                                                                                      yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah                                                 (Chorus)
                           Macat Bechorot, what a plague,                                                                                                             When all is said and done
                            Will you finally free the Jews?!                                                                                                           I WANT MY AFIKOMEN!
                                                                                                       What if God ate KITNIYOS?                           Cause I’m just paranoid, that you’re all too drunk!
             These Happy Plagues lets spill some wine (oh Happy Plagues)                             rice, corn, peas, and garbonzos
             These Happy Plagues lets spill some wine (oh Happy Plagues)
      These Passover Days are yours and mine, These Passover days are yours and
                                                                                                        Just a sfard from Morocco
                                                                                                        Trying to find the afikomen
                                                                                                                                                                                                                 36
                                 mine, Happy Days

                                                                                                                                                                                                        www.Bangitout.com
PASSOVER NURSERY RHYMES!
Good night!
(Now please conjure up an unfathomable time that your seder ended)




                                                                                        The Frog Song:
                                                                                "Mm-mm" said a little green frog one day,
                                                                                   "Mm-mm" said a little green frog;

                                                                                "Mm-mm" said a little green frog one day,
                                                                                   Said a little green frog "Mm-mm."

                                                                     But we all know frogs go (clap) "Sha-la-la-la-la, sha-la-la-la-la."
                                                                               We all know frogs go (clap) "Sha-la-la-la-la"
                                                                                                                                           37
                                                                                       They don't go "Mm-mm-mm“
                                                                                          (sent in by H. Weiss)
     Adele’s Someone Like You
I heard that you're settled down
That your Egyptian, and you're Prince Moses now.
I heard that Yosef's dreams came true.
Guess Pharoah gave you things I didn't give to you.

Moses, take off your shoes, why you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the burning-bush light.

I hate to turn up out of the burning bush uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I had hoped you'd see my plagues and that you'd be reminded
That for Jews, slavery is almost over.
CHORUS:
Never mind, I'll free all of the Jews
I wish nothing but the best for my hebrews
Don't forget the Exodus, I beg
I remember you said,
"Sometimes the seder lasts too long, but sometimes matzah tastes like bread,
Sometimes the seder lasts too long, but sometimes matzah tastes like bread, "
Yeah

You know how the time flies
Only yesterday we were slave all our lives
We were born and raised
In a Eygptian haze
Bound by Pharoah to our bondage days

I hate to turn up out of the burning bush uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I'd hoped you'd see my plagues and that you'd be reminded
That for Jews, slavery is almost over.
 CHORUS:
Never mind, I'll free all of the Jews
I wish nothing but the best for my hebrews
Don't forget the Exodus, I beg
I remember you said,
"Sometimes the seder lasts too long, but sometimes matzah tastes like bread,
Sometimes the seder lasts too long, but sometimes matzah tastes like bread, "
Yeah

Nothing compares
No chumetz or cares
Regrets and mistakes
They are memories made.
Who would have known how bittersweet this matzah would taste?

Never mind, I'll free all of the Jews
I wish nothing but the best for my hebrews
Don't forget the Exodus, I beg
I remember you said,                                                            38
"Sometimes the seder lasts too long, but sometimes matzah tastes like bread,
Sometimes the seder lasts too long, but sometimes matzah tastes like bread, "
                                                                                                    JUST DANCE by Lady Gaga
                                                                                                    Cup of red wine. 4 Cups...Manishtana..
                                                                                                    I've had a little bit too much wine
                                                                                                    All guests start to rush...rush to the washing line
                                                                                                    Why does he read so fast? Can't find my haggadah.
                                                                                                    Where are my cups, I lost my page.
                                                                                                    What's goin in this charoses, I need more
                                                                                                    I love this marror baby, but I can't see straight anymore.
                                                                                                    Keep it cool what's the name of this wine?
                                                                                                    I can't remember manishtana but it's alright, alright.


                                                                                                    [Chorus:]
                                                                                                    JUST ASK. 4 questions called manishtana, dayenu?
                                                                                                    Just ask. Spin that matzah babe. Du-Da-yenu-nu
                                                                                                    Just ask. Gunna be okay.Duh-dayenu
                                                                                                    Ask. Ask. Ask. Ju-just ask (the ma nishtana).
PESACH FACE by Lady Gaga
um mum mum mah matzah Mum mum mum manisthana
                                                                                                    Wish I could shut my frum cousin's mouth.
I wanna bake em' like they do in 18 minutes
Fold em' let em' hit me raise it baby stay shmura with me (I love it)                               How'd I turn my kittel inside out? I stained it.
Love baking and intuition make the matzahs with Kavanah to start                                    Control your divrei torah babe
And after they been broken I'll eat the one that's in his afikomen                                  Red blood is the first plague.
                                                                                                    And we're all gettin' 4 cups drunk tonight.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, - I'll bake them hot, show him what I've got                                 What's go-ing on behind the kitchen floor?
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, - I'll bake them hot, show him the shmura I've got                           I love this seder baby, but I can't see straight anymore.
                                                                                                    Keep it cool what's the name of this sandwich?
Can't steal my, Can't steal my,
No he can't steal my matzah from my seder plate (she’s got only one matzah) Can't steal my, Can't   I can't remember Hillel, but this seder's alright, alright.
steal my,
No he can't steal my matzah from my seder plate (she’s got no afikomen)                             JUST ASK. 4 questions called manishtana, dayenu
                                                                                                    Just ask. Spin that matzah babe. Da-yenu-nu
S-s-s-seder plate, s-s-seder plate (Mum mum mum mah)                                                Just ask. Gunna be okay. Duh-dayenu
S-s-s seder her plate, p-p-p seder her plate (Mum mum mum mah)                                      Ask. Ask. Ask. Ju-just ask (manishtana).
I wanna roll the dough a perfect box it will be
A little matzah baking is fun when you're with me (I love it)                                       When I come through the kitchen floor checkin out that Shulchan Orech.
Shmura Matzah is not the same without some broke                                                    Can't believe my eyes so many kugels without flour.
And baby when it's shmura if its not stale it isn't frum, frum                                      And I ain't gonn' give matzah up, steady tryna steal the afikomen like a car
                                                                                                    I'ma pinky it, drops til done until they get me a new plate
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh- I'll bake them hot, show him what I've got                           Show me I can see that you got so much in the hillel sandwich
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-eI'll bake them hot, show him what I've got                           The way you twirling up that plate round and round
                                                                                                    There's no reason, I know why you can't leave afikomen me
Can't steal my, Can't steal my,
No he can't steal my matzah from my seder plate (she’s got only one matzah)Can't steal my, Can't    In the meantime stand, let me watch
steal my,
No he can't steal my matzah from my seder plate (she’s got no afikomen)

P-s-s-seder plate, s-s-seder plate (Mum mum mum mah)
P-p-p steal from her plate, p-p-p steal from her plate (Mum mum mum mah)

I won't tell you that I stole it search or hid it
Cause I'm bluffin' with my afikomen
I'm not lying I'm just stunnin' with my matzah-glue-gunning
Just like a Satmar in the casino
Take your bank before I pay you out
                                                                                                                                                                                   39
I promise this, promise this
Check this matzah cause I'm marvelous
 Additional Jokes!
Laugh your hearts out, we are free!
 "Seven Refrigerators"
 The rule in Israel, at least when I lived there, was that a new immigrant could bring in normal household items duty free. But anything that looked like
 as if it was for resale in Israel was supposed to be subject to import duty. Yankel Levine, a new oleh, goes to Haifa port to claim his household
 goods that have arrived by ship at last. The excise officer notices on the manifest that Yankel is bringing in seven refrigerators. "Mr. Levine," says
 the officer, "one refrigerator is allowed duty free, not seven." "But I'm very frum, and I need one refrigerator just for meat, one just for dairy, and one
 just for parve," says Yankel. "All right," says the officer with a sigh, "that makes three. But seven?" "Well, of course," says Yankel, "I need three for
 most of the year and another three, meat, dairy, and parve, for Pesach." "OK," says the officer, losing patience. "That makes six. What's the seventh
 one for?" "So nu," says Yankel, "if I want to eat a little treyf once in a while?"


 "Pesach Dictionary?"
 Chometz = Springtime cheer for NY baseball Team.
 Matzah = Not all it's cracked up to be.
 Matzah = gives new meaning for binding covenant
 Matzah Balls = macho matzah
 Matzah = perforation for decorative purposes only; it never works.
 Gefilte fish = after the herring and the shad, now running in the Arthur Kill
 Chrain = endangered species bird.
 Farfel = drop from the seventeenth floor.
 Concord grade wine = you think sugar is sweet?
 Haggadah = slang for “I obsessively desire it”. Example: Haggadah have it.
 Stained Haggadah = yearly obsession, treated with Prozac and stain remover.
 Shankbone = doggy golf shot.
 Parsley breaking the norm.
 Karpas usually on the right except in British countries.
 Choroses a pesadika bed
 Chopped liver never have with the above because one could contract haroses
 of the liver.
 Hillel Sandwich = breaded sage
 Afikomen = several retainers in German
 Moror = growl again
 Kosher for Pesach haute cuisine - Jewish oxymoron
 Schmaltz = John, pitches for the Braves



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                                                                                                                                                 www.Bangitout.com
    Additional Jokes!
                                                                                                                                                                                                                       I
                                                                                                                                                                 The Hagadah for Parents of Orthodox Singles:
                                                                                                                                                                 “Children with a hardened heart”
                                                                                                                                                                 Isn’t the entire point of the seder to get kids to ask questions? Not entirely, according to parents of

Laugh your hearts out, we are free!                                                                                                                              unmarried children. They believe the seder is a key time for them to ask their unhitched children a variety
                                                                                                                                                                 of questions, generally spanning from “why aren’t you married?” to “why aren’t you married?”
G-d first went to the Egyptians and asked them if they would like a commandment. "What's a commandment?" they asked. "Well, it's like, THOU SHALT                Below is the Hagadah for such parents, print it out, bring it home, give it to the folks, and the rest of the
NOT COMMIT ADULTERY," replied G-d. The Egyptians thought about it and then said, "No way, that would ruin our weekends."                                         seder will be a piece of cake.
So then G-d went to the Assyrians and asked them if they would like a commandment. They also asked, "What's a commandment?" "Well," said G-d,                    Kadesh
"It's like, THOU SHALT NOT STEAL." The Assyrians immediately replied, "No way. That would ruin our economy."                                                     As you pour the first cup of wine, take your single child’s cup and before reciting the blessing, raise it and
So finally G-d went to the Jews and asked them if they wanted a commandment. They asked, "How much?" G-d said, "They're free."                                   then wrap it up in your napkin. Ask your single child to stand. When they ask you what you are doing
The Jews said, "Great! We'll take TEN!"                                                                                                                          (evoking curiosity), do not answer with words. Rather, take the wrapped cup and place it on the floor,
                                                                                                                                                                 and then step on it and smash it. Follow it with a Mazel Tov scream.
An elderly man in Miami calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing. Forty-five
years of misery is enough.“                                                                                                                                      This is a good way to set the tone for the rest of your seder.
"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.                                                                                                              Urchatz
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister    The women will remove their rings for washing; have your single child get on one knee and replace the
in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.                                                                                                                       ring on each of your guest’s fingers (for those who don’t have, create rings out of those pareve chocolate
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls her father   jelly rings). This should be followed by a discussion about engagements and diamond sizes.
immediately and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back! , and we'll       Karpas
both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.                                                                             Explain to your single child that the saltwater we dip into represents the tears parents cry after hearing
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "They're coming for Passover and paying their own airfares."                              the words “It was So-so” from our children, post-date. The green vegetable symbolizes the $100 your
                                                                                                                                                                 child just spent on that so-so date (on your credit card).
                                                                     Haiku - Passover.                                                                           Yachatz
                                                                     Left the door open                                                                          Yachatz means "Break apart", Yachad means "Come together", the only letter difference are the ending
                                                                      For the Prophet                                                                            letters Daled and Tzadik, which makes sense, since that spells "Dates." Another beautiful Vort. (mmm
                                                                            Elijah.                                                                              Vort)
                                                                    Now our cat is gone.                                                                         Mah Nishtana: The Four Questions
                                                                                                                                                                 After performing the seder up to this point, the youngest child’s curiosity is overwhelmed to induce
There once lived a king who had an advisor called Hymie. The king relied so much on the wisdom of Hymie that one day he decided to promote him to                him/her to ask the four questions as to why this night is different from all other nights. What follows in
chief advisor. But the other advisors objected.                                                                                                                  ‘Avadim Hayinu’ is a dialogue delving into the details of our nation’s bondage.
They said, "It's OK sitting in counsel with a Jew, but to allow him to boss us about would be unacceptable."                                                     This is also an ideal time for you to enter into a dialogue with your oldest single child as to why they are
The King accepted their argument and ordered Hymie to convert. Hymie had to obey the King.                                                                       not yet married. If you have been following the ‘Seder for your Orthodox Single’ (S.O.S) up until now, you
But soon after, Hymie felt great remorse and over the months that followed he became despondent, his health suffered and he grew weak.                           can expect your wayward child to become inquisitive at this point to ask you four questions as well:
Finally Hymie could take it no longer and made a decision. He went to the king and said, "I was born a Jew and a Jew I will always be. So do whatever            1. Why are we spending this Passover in Florida?
you want with me."                                                                                                                                               2. Why did you put an empty place setting next to me?
The King had no idea Hymie felt so strong about his 'conversion'.                                                                                                3. Why do you keep combing my hair?
"OK," said the King, "if that's how you feel, go be a Jew again. The other advisors will just have to live with it. You're too important for me to lose."        4. Who is the guy/girl that you stuck in my room with me?
On his way back home to tell the news to his family, Hymie felt the strength surge back into his body.                                                           It is at this point that you explain to your child that you are in bondage. Excessive crying is helpful during
When he arrived, he called out to his wife, "Sarah, we can be Jews again, we can be Jews again."                                                                 your explanation of the slavery and bitterness you are experiencing. Make your child understand that
Sarah glared at him and said, "Couldn't you wait until after Passover?"                                                                                          Passover is a time for you to become freed of this burden, and that he/she should let you set him/her up
                                                                                                                                                                 with the lists of people you have from your friends who know successful and eligible young
                                                                                                                                                                 professionals. Start reading off the names and professions of these people until your child tries to stop
Top Ten Signs You Hired a Lame Pesach Housecleaner                                                                                                               you.
10. First priority for cleaning involves applying for Extreme Makeover Home Edition                                                                              Follow up with a song based on Moses’ powerful declaration to Pharoh – “Let my people go… out with
9. Keeps swearing your house is already "100% CHUMUS FREE"                                                                                                       you!”
                                                                                                                                                                 The Four Sons:
8. Upon spending 12 straight grueling hours cleaning and kashuring the kitchen, she orders pizza
                                                                                                                                                                 “ Every Hagaddah has it’s own explanation of the four sons. Who better to give the correct explanation
7. She drops off a anti-spyware disc & and a bill for $200 with a note: “your desktops are clean”                                                                than the parents?
6. Keeps asking when the men are going to play "Hide the Crouton"                                                                                                The wise son is the one who listens to his parents. He became a tzadik because he obediently studied
5. The only supplies he shows up with are a Mechiras Chometz contract and a pen                                                                                  for his tests in Hebrew school when his parents asked him. So what if he learns in kollel? He married at
4. Sucks at blowtorching                                                                                                                                         21, and has 12 or 13 kids to give his parents much nachus. He and his wife don’t stop having children
3. Walks in, proclaims “May all your bread be like the dust of the earth” then goes home                                                                         until his parents who support them say “Dayenu”
                                                                                                                                                                 The wicked son never calls
2. All your valuables are missing with a note saying “Retribution for Plague of Darkness”
                                                                                                                                                                 The simple son. Nu? Not every child can be a doctor. But he listens to his mother when she says who
1. She cleans the entire house with only two things: a candle and a wooden spoon                                                                                 and when to date.
                                                                                                                                                                 The son that doesn’t know how to ask a girl to marry him. The reason why you have this haggadah!
                                                                                                                                                                 Punch out his teeth if he can’t remember why he isn’t enslaved right now.”
                                                                                                                                                                 Other Excerpts
                                                                                                                                                                 Reason for Kittel: Duh.
                                                                                                                                                                 Reason for Marror: Only parents need eat this. Raw.
                                                                                                                                                                 Reason for singing "who knows one": Your Single child should try to answer "who knows two"
                                                                                                                                                                 The Maakos: “The eleventh Makeh: Going into labor for your still single child”
                                                                                                                                                                 Dayenu: “…If you would just go out with him once, and never call him again, that would be enough..”
                                                                                                                                                                 Eliyahu: “When opening the door for Eliyahu, be careful to make sure your child doesn’t try to run out.”
                                                                                                                                                                 Nirtzah: After the Forth Cup: “After four cups of wine and two boxes of matzah, you have your child
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             41
                                                                                                                                                                 exactly where you want them. Now you can have all your questions answered, as their loose lips will tell
                                                                                                                                                                 you whatever you want to know just so they can use the restroom. Find out why your child broke up with
                                                                                                                                                                 that perfectly nice girl, or why he’s interested in that sleazy girl that only wears leather…”

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               www.Bangitout.com
The story of Passover hasn’t changed in the last 3,000 years. But that doesn’t mean you
won’t have anything new to discuss! Here are some little-known Passover facts to spice up
your seder.
•   During Passover, some vegetarians use a broiled beet instead of a lamb bone on their seder plate. The beet, bloodred in color, serves as a
    reminder of the Paschal sacrifice. Others use an avocado pit instead of a lamb bone on their seder plate.
•   According to tradition, Miriam gave water from her well to sustain the Israelites in the desert. Some people honor Miriam by placing a cup for her
    at the seder table and pouring water from their glasses into her cup.
•   In the mid 1930s, Maxwell House started giving out Haggadot to clarify that coffee beans are kosher for Passover, and thus prevent a dip in
    coffee sales. Distributed nearly every year since, there are now more than 50 million copies in print.
•   During the Civil War, despite the divide, Union and Confederate Jews bonded together during Passover, even inviting their adversaries to family
    seders.
•   Jewish Civil War soldiers without ingredients for charoset put a real brick on their seder plate. In 18th-century Salonika, Greece, people added
    chopped stone to their charoset, and some Moroccans included grated rock.
•   Many Jews were in synagogue for Passover when Abraham Lincoln was assassinated. The American Jewish Historical Society notes that
    synagogue bimahs "were quickly draped in black and, instead of Passover melodies, the congregations chanted Yom Kippur hymns."
•   According to the Guinness Book of World Records, the world’s largest matzah ball was unveiled in Tucson, Arizona, in 2010. Weighing in at 488
    pounds, this giant matzah ball was made from more than 1,000 eggs and 125 pounds of matzah meal.
•   In the British territory of Gibraltar, Jews actually mix the dust of bricks into their charoset, a symbol of the mortar used to hold together the brick
    walls the Jews built in Egypt.
•   Coca-Cola makes a special batch of kosher-for-Passover Coke with real sugar instead of high-fructose corn syrup, because corn products are
    forbidden during the holiday. Look for the bottles with yellow caps.
•   In Vilna, Poland, during World War I, it was very difficult to find kosher wine. Rabbinical authorities made a special announcement to allow sweet
    tea to be substituted for the traditional four cups of wine during the seder.
•   Centuries ago during Passover, Jewish people living in the Sahara abandoned their fortified villages and marched into the desert, in memory of
    the first Passover.
•   Manischewitz alone sells more than 1.5 million jars of gefilte fish nationally and internationally — that’s almost one jar for every 10 Jews in the
    world.
•   Persian Jews distribute green onions during the song Dayenu and hit each other with the stalks when the ninth stanza begins.
•   As a reminder of how far we’ve come, some people include an orange on the seder plate. This is done to ironically remember the words from one
    rabbi in the early days of female ordination who said, “A woman belongs on the bimah like an orange belongs on the seder plate.
•   On behalf of everyone here at UJA-Federation, best wishes for a happy Passover to you and yours.


                                                                                                                                                    42
Motzei & Matzah >>   It’s Matza, It’s Matza!
It’s Matzah time!




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                                           www.Bangitout.com
Marror >> Bitter Herbs              (someone must eat the hot hot stuff)

We eat Marror (dip it           PASSOVER GAME – WOULD YOU RATHER?
                           Go Around the table and answer the following Would you
into some charoset to                              rather…
cool it off!)            • Eat only Marror the rest of your life or drink only saltwater?
                         • Be covered from head to toe in boils OR covered from head to toe in lice?
                         • Lose 1 of your ten pieces of bread during bedika OR find ten pieces of bread during
                           chol hamoed?
                         • Recline whenever you eat or dip everything you eat?
                         • Die from extreme Marror Heart Burning or from Matzah Choking?
                         • Hit the Dog OR Bite the Cat?
                         • Be able to Eat Manna nowadays or Eat Treif on Pesach?
                         • Still be in Egypt OR still be in a 100 hour work week job?
                         • Be able to only say 1 phrase: Dayenu OR Ma Nishtana?
                         • Have to drink 4 cups of marror juice at the seder OR have to drink 10 drops of
                           blood?
                         • Find the Afikomen next to chometz OR never find/eat the afikomen ever?
                         • Eat kosher for Passover all year round OR eat exclusively bread on pesach?
                         • Have the Wicked Son OR date the Malach HaMaves?
                         • Eat only matzah brei all year OR eat only cholent?
                         • Have freed the Jews but brought them to Uganda OR Enslaved the Jews but
                           enslaved them in Israel?
                         • Live always in Darkness but be Rich OR live always in light but be poor?
                         • Drink only with your pinky or eat only using parsley?
                         • Eat Hillel Sandwiches all year OR eat standing on 1 foot?
                         • Not eat bread for 4 years or not eat kiddush ever again?
                         • Have a 9 hour seder with gourmet food at end or a 1 hour seder with just OK food?
                         • Worship a sheep OR worship the sun?
                         • Have the 4 sons as your children, OR have an only child that is wise?
                         • Live where it hails once a year or live in Seattle?
                         • Leave chometz sitting on your front lawn all pesach OR Burn your entire house
                           down?
                         • Sleep with Frogs in your Bed or Frogs on your head?
                         • Have gotten freed or gotten the ten commandments?
                         • Be Egyptian or be Canadian?
                         • Invent the Glow in the Dark Goggles for Darkness OR Find the Cure for Pestilence?

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                                                                                             www.Bangitout.com
  Barech >>                                                   We say praise for such a great meal!


 "A Passover Quiz"
   1.Which traditional food is on the Seder plate:
    a. egg roll b. matzah balls c. haroset
   2. What is part of the Passover preparations? a. turning your house upside down b.
   re-enacting the slavery by lugging up the dishes from the basement c. burning the
   chometz without being cited by the EPA d. all of the above
   3. Matzah is known as the "bread of affliction" because: a. the slaves ate it b. it
   makes you constipated c. the price goes up every year
   4. The best place to hide the Afikoman is a. behind the carburetor b. in a steel vault
   with doors 2" thick c. in the underwear drawer
   5. The Number One Afikoman gift this year is a. Moses and Aaron action figures b.
   Nissan matchbox trucks c. "When I was a kid, we were lucky to get a quarter." d.
   Anything that does not require batteries or assembly
   6. The Four Questions include a. Are we there yet? b. How can we recline without a
   La-Z-Boy? c. If a tree falls in an Israeli forest, how quickly can American Jewry plant
   another?
   7. If there were a Passover Hall of Fame, who would you vote to induct? a. Uncle
   Louie b. Leonard Nimoy c. Moshe Oofnik d. Charleton Heston
   8. The Four Children include a. the doctor b. the lawyer c. the Russian d. Simple
   Simon
   9. Before the time of Abraham, people worshipped a. the dust of the earth b. the salt
   of the earth c. the stars of the heaven d. the stars on Hollywood Boulevard
   10. When Jacob and his family originally went down to Egypt, they a. were only a
   few, but became "religiously pluralistic" b. built several synagogues - at least one in
   which they wouldn't be caught dead! c. spread out in the Land O' Goshen
   11. On Seder night, we are supposed to drink wine until a. Uncle Irving's jokes
   sound new to you b. you can no longer tell the difference between Pharaoh and
   Moses c. you don't miss bread (sent in anonymously to bangitout.com)




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Freedom is the oxygen of the soul. ~Moshe Dayan                                              www.Bangitout.com

								
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