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									Essay Writing

      Expository Essay
      Character Analysis
                  Modes of Essay Writing


Mode                               Purpose                           Found In
Exposition                     to explain or inform     dictionary and encyclopedia articles,
(What is it, and how does it                            news stories, histories, biographies,
work?)                                                  reference sources

Description                    to establish a mood      any kind of nonfiction writing that used
(What does it look, sound,     or stir an emotion       images to appeal to the senses of sight,
smell, feel, taste like?)                               smell, taste or touch


Narration                      To tell about a series   biographies, autobiographies, essays,
(What happened?)               of events usually in     news articles, histories
                               chronological order



Persuasion                     to persuade the          newspaper editorials, speeches,
(What should I feel or do      reader to believe or     advertising, essays, articles
about it)                      do something
               Expository Essay Writing

Every good writer has a purpose when they sit down to write. The purpose
   may be to inform; to create a mood or stir an emotion; to tell about a
   series of events; to persuade the reader to believe or do something, but
   the primary purpose of an essay is to select and arrange words and
   details that best accomplish the purpose.

In exposition writing, the main purpose is to inform, define, or clarify an
    idea. Dictionary and encyclopedia, as well as newspaper reports, use
    exposition.

Exposition writing answers the questions, What is it, and how does it work?
                                5 Part Essay Plan
                                   Expository
Introduction:
    1. Attention getter (Lead)
    2. Identify title, author, and character
    3. Provide relevant background information that leads
       into the traits
    4. Thesis (three character traits)                      Thesis



Body:
    1. The body is organized into three
        supporting paragraphs that prove
        your thesis statement
    2. Each supporting paragraph needs to be
       illustrated with details, facts,
       examples, or quotes that make your
       point clear. (NO OPINIONS)




Conclusion:
    Summarizes the essay’s main points!
    1. Review the traits from your thesis statement/
       Summarize main points
    2. Connect to the introduction and reflect on the
       significance or character
                                           Notes
Introduction
       NEVER begin an essay with “in this essay”!
   1.   Grab the reader’s attention (lead)
             • Begin with a quote from the story “___________________”
             • Start with a strongly stated question that your readers might have (it      may have
             a predictable answer)
             • Start with a unique observation about the story or character
             • Start with a snapshot (when you paint a picture, you draw the reader into   the action)
             • Begin with a metaphor that shows the story’s significance
   2.   Identify the title of the story, the author, and the character
   3.   Provide relevant background information that leads into the traits
   4.   Thesis statement (3 character traits)
               Have you ever met someone who seemed too good to be true? In “The
        Landlady” by Roahl Dahl, unsuspecting Billy Weaver meets the Landlady. At first,
        she seems kind and welcoming, but it isn’t long before the reader can deduct that
        she is welcoming handsome young men into her Bed and Breakfast for her own
        ulterior motives. The Landlady is deceitful, cunning, and cold-hearted, and Billy
        Weaver will never make it past her traps alive.
    Attention-getting leads

“Leads are magic flashlights that shine
  down through a story showing the writer
  what to put in and what to leave out.”
                          ~ John McPhee
     Get your reader’s attention with a great
                     lead…
1.    Begin with a quote from the story
      Weak lead : In one quote from the story the Landlady answers the door right away.
      Attention-getting “But this dame was like a jack-in-the-box. He pressed the bell - and out she
      popped. It made him jump.”
2.    Start with a strongly stated question that your readers might have (it may
      have a predictable answer)
      Weak lead : In this paper I will attempt to show you what Alfonso did to fit in.
      Attention-getting : Have you ever felt so out of place that you would do almost anything to fit in?
3.    Start with a unique observation about the story or character
      Weak lead : The narrator of “The Tell-Tale Heart” is crazy.
      Attention-getting : The narrator, while claiming to be perfectly sane, immediately placed doubt
      within the reader’s mind with his nervous repetition of thoughts.
4.    Start with a snapshot (when you paint a picture, you draw the reader into the
      action)
      Weak lead : Squeaky always wins because she trains hard.
      Attention-getting : Running instead of walking, doing breathing exercises, and focusing on the goal
      are just a few things Squeaky does to prepare herself for the annual May day race.
5.    Begin with a metaphor that shows the story’s significance
      Weak lead : This story was about a crazy landlady who poisoned her guests.
      Attention-getting : Has something ever drawn your attention as if it was like gravity pulling you in?
      The hidden gravity that grabs your attention, maybe something as amazing as winning the lottery ticket
      or as miserable as watching the news about Hurricane Katrina.
                               Notes

    Thesis Statement: A statement that gives the main idea or
    focus of an essay.


•   This is the LAST sentence in the FIRST paragraph of your essay.
•   Your thesis needs to be something that you are going to support with
    evidence throughout your essay.
•   List THREE main points to your thesis so that these three points can be
    the three paragraphs in the body of your essay.
                                    Notes

Examples of thesis statements:
•   In Roald Dahl’s “The Landlady”, the main character, Billy Weaver, is so polite and
    unquestioning and dim that he is not like a real-life person.
•   She made herself be thought of as very kind, slightly dotty, and entirely harmless;
    yet she had a secret zest for stuffing handsome young men; she had no obvious
    motivation for this, but her actions were still very definitely effective.
•   Squeaky comes off as a tough little girl growing up in Harlem, N.Y., but she is
    really soft and kind-hearted on the inside.
•   Although Squeaky isn’t afraid to speak her mind and can come across as being
    too candid, she is conscientious and accomplished.
•   The Landlady is deceitful, cunning, and cold-hearted, and Billy Weaver will never
    make it past her little traps alive.
•   She is so deceitful, cunning, and contemptible that she can stuff a human being.
                   Thesis Practice
Directions: Please rewrite each simple thesis statement into a more complex statement with 3
    dominant traits. Be sure to show some insight into how the traits correspond with each other
    or reflect the overall character. (Take the statement from a “barebones” thesis to one with
    substance or “meat”.

Example: Barebones: The landlady is kind, dotty, and harmless.
         Substance: She made herself be thought of as very kind, slightly dotty, and entirely
                    harmless; yet she had a secret zest for stuffing handsome young men; she
                    had no obvious motivation for this, but her actions were still very definitely
                    effective.

1. The landlady is cunning, deceitful, and contemptible.

2. Squeaky is tough, athletic, and responsible.

3. Mrs. Flowers is kind, aristocratic, and intelligent.

4. Marguerite is timid, insecure, and intelligent.

5. Alfonso is insecure, shy, and caring.

6. Charlie Gordon is determined, sensitive, and brave.

7. The narrator is deceitful, mad, and brutal.

8. Mr. & Mrs. White are greedy, curious, and hasty.
        Sample Introductions
    “The old man’s hour had come! With a loud yell, I threw open the
lantern and leaped into the room. He shrieked once – once only. In
an instant I dragged him to the floor and pulled the heavy bed over
him” (205). In the strange story, “The Tell-Tale Heart” by Edgar Allan
Poe, the narrator ends up being a cold-hearted murderer. The
narrator tells the reader he is not crazy, but his irrational actions, like
obsessing on the old man’s eye, convince the readers otherwise. The
narrator is quite arrogant and devious, but eventually his cruel insanity
overtakes his intentions to appear calm to the police.

      “…I made up my mind to take the life of the old man. …But why
will you say that I am mad?” (81) In the story, “The Tell-Tale Heart” by
Edgar Allan Poe, the narrator is planning and executing the murder of
an old man whose eye is bothersome to him. The narrator is so vain
and sly that it is safe to say that the old man never had a chance. In
the end, though, the narrator’s paranoia causes him to confess the
crime he had executed so cleverly.
          Sample introductions

       “The disease had sharpened my senses - not destroyed – not dulled
them” (203). The Narrator in “The Tell-Tale Heart” by Edgar Allan Poe states
that the disease sharpened his senses, but is it really true? After all, he is a
madman. He claims he loves the old man, and yet the old man’s body was cut
up and carefully stored beneath the floor. It is obvious that the narrator had all
the traits of a deadly murderer; he is determined, clever, and malicious.

      Have you ever had someone in your life that made you feel
accomplished? In “Mrs. Flowers” by Maya Angelou, Mrs. Flowers meets a
young girl named Marguerite. Marguerite is an insecure young girl who needs
someone to help her change her perspective. She will finally get that and so
much more when she meets the practical, wise, and compassionate Mrs.
Flowers.
      Sample introductions
       Has something ever drawn your attention as if it was like gravity pulling
you in? For some, the hidden gravity may grab their attention as they pass by a
television or sale rack. For Billy Weaver it was when he “caught sight of a
printed notice propped up against the upper panes. It said BED AND
BREAKFAST” (172). Who would have thought that a simple sign would bring so
much trouble? Not Billy Weaver, the main character of the short story “The
Landlady” by Roald Dahl. In this story, Billy is tricked into staying at a bed and
breakfast by a seemingly sweet landlady who actually has deadly motives for
luring him into her home. Mr. Weaver is both curious and enthusiastic as he
strives to be independent, but in his youth he still tends to be quite naive and
suffers dire consequences as a result.
                                    Notes
Conclusion
  Remember…
      • NEVER end an essay with “I hope you enjoyed my essay.”
      • Summarize the essay’s main points.
      • No first person. (I, You) (Instead, use “one”or “the reader”) (See example below)



  1. Review the traits from your thesis statement/summarize main
     points
  2. Connect to the introduction and reflect on the significance or
     character

        The Landlady was a cunning and deceitful woman, who could give the
    appearance of being a sweet, old, loving lady. She was an interesting
    character who remained cool and calm through the poisoning and stuffing of
    the boys, and then through Billy’s questions. The reader can only guess
    how many more times she will prey on innocent young men before she gets
    caught.
              “The end”

“Don’t write endings, find them,”
   novelist Thomas Williams used to say.
   Endings grow from beginnings and reveal
   themselves through clues within the story,
   characters or ideas.

You should have a relationship between your
   beginning and ending ~ they should be
   connected and refer back to one another.
              Sample Conclusions
 •    Pay attention to how the conclusions refer back and are connected to
                                the introductions.

Introduction:
            “The old man’s hour had come! With a loud yell, I threw open the lantern and
    leaped into the room. He shrieked once – once only. In an instant I dragged him to the
    floor and pulled the heavy bed over him” (205). In the strange story, “The Tell-Tale
    Heart” by Edgar Allan Poe, the narrator ends up being a cold-hearted murderer. The
    narrator tells the reader he is not crazy, but his irrational actions, like obsessing on the
    old man’s eye, convince the readers otherwise. The narrator is quite arrogant and
    devious, but eventually his cruel insanity overtakes his intentions to appear calm to the
    police.

Conclusion:
          The narrator is a very disturbed character to kill a defenseless old man because he
   was bothered by the old man’s eye. Furthermore, he felt sure his crime would never be
   detected, but then his own insanity causes him to confess to the police. The narrator
   thinks that he is a sane man and that his murder was justified, but the reader knows he is
   an arrogant, devious, and insane person indeed.
        Sample Conclusions
Introduction:
        “…I made up my mind to take the life of the old man. …But why will you say
that I am mad?” (81) In the story, “The Tell-Tale Heart” by Edgar Allan Poe, the narrator
is planning and executing the murder of an old man whose eye is bothersome to him.
The narrator is so vain and sly that it is safe to say that the old man never had a chance.
In the end, though, the narrator’s paranoia causes him to confess the crime he had
executed so cleverly.

Conclusion:
       The narrator was obviously mentally disturbed, killing an innocent old man for
no reason except that he did not like the old man’s eye. Although the narrator was sly,
his vanity and paranoia revealed his dastardly deed which led to his capture. One can
only guess who would have been his next victim if the narrator’s insanity had not
betrayed his violent nature.
              Sample conclusions
Introduction:
           “The disease had sharpened my senses - not destroyed – not dulled them” (203).
    The Narrator in “The Tell-Tale Heart” by Edgar Allan Poe states that the disease
    sharpened his senses, but is it really true? After all, he is a madman. He claims he loves
    the old man, and yet the old man’s body was cut up and carefully stored beneath the
    floor. It is obvious that the narrator had all the traits of a deadly murderer; he is
    determined, clever, and malicious.

Conclusion:
           The narrator is truly a psychopath to kill a defenseless aged person for absolutely
   no logical reason. He is determined, clever, and malicious, which means he has all the
   characteristics of a deadly assassin who kills for no reason. If not for the neighbor’s call
   to the police, the narrator may well have continued his deadly behavior.
            Sample conclusions
Introduction:
           Have you ever had someone in your life that made you feel accomplished? In
    “Mrs. Flowers” by Maya Angelou, Mrs. Flowers meets a young girl named Marguerite.
    Marguerite is an insecure young girl who needs someone to help change her perspective.
    She will finally get that and so much more when she meets the elegant, wise, and
    practical Mrs. Flowers.

Conclusion:
          All in all, Mrs. Flowers is a magnificent person. She is an elegant and wise
   woman who uses her influence to help Marguerite. Through practical means, she shows
   Marguerite the intricate beauties of life and the power of words--both written and
   spoken. Marguerite went through Mrs. Flower’s doors as a simple little girl and came
   out a changed person.
             Sample conclusions
Introduction:
            Has something ever drawn your attention as if it was like gravity pulling you in?
    For some, the hidden gravity may grab their attention as they pass by a television or sale
    rack. For Billy Weaver it was when he “caught sight of a printed notice propped up
    against the upper panes. It said BED AND BREAKFAST” (172). Who would have
    thought that a simple sign would bring so much trouble? Not Billy Weaver, the main
    character of the short story “The Landlady” by Roald Dahl. In this story, Billy is tricked
    into staying at a bed and breakfast by a seemingly sweet landlady who actually has
    deadly motives for luring him into her home. Mr. Weaver is enthusiastic and curious as
    he strives to be independent, but in his youth he still tends to be quite naive and suffers
    dire consequences as a result.

Conclusion:
          All in all, Billy Weaver is the kind of guy that everyone roots for. His
   independent and earnest nature initially give the reader the impression that he can
   handle almost anything thrown his way. Throughout the story he is curious enough to
   keep the reader aware of what is going on, but because of his naivety he misses the
   landlady’s real intent. He is the kind of character that deserves a happily-ever-after
   ending, but unfortunately, he did not get one.
           Transition Words and Phrases
Use these transitions to help you connect the ideas between your sentences and between
                                      your paragraphs.
   TO INTRODUCE EXAMPLES
          for example in fact                        in one instance
          for instance in one case                   as proof
          to illustrate to begin with in one example
   TO ADD ANOTHER POINT
          also                        in addition (to)             furthermore
          moreover                    another                      a second (third, fourth, etc.)
          besides                      further
   TO SHOW TIME RELATIONSHIPS
          before                      since                        in the meantime
          after                       meanwhile                    to begin with
          next                        eventually                   at the same time
          then                        at last                      not long after
          finally                     afterward                    as time passed
   TO SIGNAL RESULTS OR EFFECTS
          as a result                 because (of) for this reason
          due to                      therefore                    in response to
          thus                        consequently in conclusion
   TO SHOW COMPARISON OR CONTRAST
          similarly                   in contrast                  different from
          like                        unlike                       on the other hand
          just as                     the same as                  on the contrary
          as well (as)                equally important
   TO CONNECT IDEAS
           yet                          however                     nevertheless
           so                           though                      moreover
                                                Tips
           Miscellaneous things to remember when
                      writing an essay
Style
*Never refer to yourself in the essay. Don’t say things like “I think...” or
“I saw...” Just make your point. It’s obvious that you believe what you say.
After all, it’s your essay.

*Avoid the use of contractions in a formal essay. The only exception would be
if they appear in a quotation from the text that you are using word for word.
Instead, spell out the two words in the contraction. “Douglass is not deterred in
his plan”--not “isn’t”.

*Keep your writing in present tense. It seems more “alive” if you do. Say, “Douglass
is a man who...” rather than “Douglass was a man who...” Again, you don’t want to
change the wording of direct quotes, so if they use a verb tense other than present
tense, copy it as it appears in the text.


* Use standard English when writing. Avoid using slang (‘sup or could of),
“texting” jargon (ppl, idk, lol, bff), or symbols (&).
                                               Tips
     Using and documenting quotations and passages from the text
  There are several things to learn about using passages from the text to
                             support your points.

*Remember, the majority of the essay is in your words. You need to explain your points clearly and
   thoroughly enough so that someone not familiar with the text can understand you.

*Use quotes/passages from the text to illustrate or support a point you make. They don’t have to be
    long passages. They should not be longer than two sentences. You should weave or blend short,
    but powerful, quotes or passages from the text into your essay. You want to avoid stringing one
    quote after another into an essay.

*When you weave or blend quotes they should not appear in your essay as a sentence by themselves.
   Instead, they should fit smoothly into your explanation so if you were reading your essay aloud,
   listeners wouldn’t even know where your words end and the quoted passage begins. (look at the
   sample essay I gave you to see this).

*For each quote or passage used, you must document where it appeared in the text. To do this for an
    essay in which all of the quotes are from the same source, the story you read, all you have to do is
    put the page number in parentheses before the final end punctuation. (look at the sample essay I
    gave you to see this). “quote” (68). DO NOT PUT “page” or “p.”--just the number.

* Don’t forget to use strong transitions between your quotes and specific examples.
                                 Model Essay

                The Responsibility, the Race, the Friendship
          Have you ever been so good at something that you always took first place? In “Raymond’s Run” by
Toni Cade Bambara, Squeaky is a responsible little girl who takes care of her mentally challenged brother,
Raymond, yet she still maintains her title as “the swiftest thing in the neighborhood” (4). Although Squeaky
isn’t afraid to speak her mind and can come across as being too candid, she is conscientious and
accomplished.
          “That’s right fatso. And the next word out of anybody’s mouth and I’ll be their mothers too” (7)
spoken by Squeaky shows that she is not afraid to speak her mind, especially when others are teasing
Raymond. Although she may seem rude, Squeaky’s forthrightness is to protect what she holds dear. When
Mr. Pearson asked Squeaky to throw the race and give someone else a chance at winning the race this year,
she “gave him such a look he couldn’t finish putting that idea into words” (11). Her candid attitude allows her
to always do what she believes is right, whether it deals with her brother or with winning.
          Squeaky values being the fastest runner in the neighborhood. Maintaining this title takes
determination and a conscientious attitude. Squeaky is always training to make herself be the best she can
be. She even states, “You can see me any time of day practicing running” (8). Even through her diligent
training, she continues to keep Raymond safe.
          A sense of accomplishment is very important to many people. Squeaky never settles for less than
winning. “In first place – Miss Hazel Elizabeth Deborah Parker.” “For I have won again” (11). Because of
her desire to win, Squeaky has never lost a race. However, this year she has won more than just a race. She
has decided to coach Raymond along with her nemesis, Gretchen. Together, they are going to help
Raymond to feel the rush they feel when they are running in a race and winning.
          Squeaky is a loyal character; the confidence that she has in herself allows her to stand up to others
for what she believes is right. Her desire to win and persistence to do what it takes to be successful, will
always allow her to feel a sense of accomplishment. One could only hope for a friend or sister like Squeaky.
Graphic Organizer
Rubric
                                 Exemplar1
Exemplar: 1

In this excerpt story ÒThe monkeyÕ paw .Ó A guy name Mr. White he experienced
                                 s
something about the paw. Mr. White is an old guy whos sw eet, hones, and very
trustworthy. The author W.W. Jacobs had w ritten plenty of remarkable books in the past.

In the beginning of this wonderful home of the Whites there w as a family a very decent
home of the Whites. For instance there is Mr. White, Ms. White, and there son Herbert.
Yes they are a very nice family; until there w as a knok at the door, (knock, knock) Mr.
White answ ered the door. It was an old man at the door with an paw in his hand.

The old man came in and settle and took out the paw . Mr. White w as frighten when he
saw the paw , and beforehand Mr. White had the paw in his hand. The old guy vocalize
Òwish for anything.Ó Mr. White wished for three grand to pay mortgage. Mr. White w as
intimidated when the paw squeezed his hand and he dropped it.

Mr. White son w ent off to work, the day went by, and they heard dreadful new s about
there son Herbert. Their son w as efflorescing and they just cried and cried forever.

Mrs. White mad a wish for her son to come back to lif e and it happened. Mr. White tried
                          t.
to stop her but he couldnÕ There w as a bump at the door, Mr. White and Ms. White
raced to the door she got there first.

Mrs. White and Mr. White screa med. They say the actuall look of there sacriledgeious
son yes he looked horrible. Mrs. White cried and cried until she feel strait to sleep. Mr
White finall knew never wish something back from the dead or else it will not look
pretty.
                                 Exemplar 2
Exemplar 2
The Landlady
      Have you ever been somewhere w ere its to good to be true? In the story The

Landlady by Roald Dahl the old lady goes by The Landlady, comes ac ross this handsome

                                                            t
young man by the name of Billy Weaver. She acts like a sw ee old lady then tric ks them

to come to her bed and breakfast to kill and stuff them. Although she seem to be a nic e

old lady she is c ruel, sneaky and a creepy old lady.

       ÒNormally you ring the door bell and you have at least w ait a minute till someone

                             s
opens the door.Ó (pg. 173) ItÕ w as like the Landlady knew Billy Weaver w as already

coming. Ò s all ready for you.Ó Page 173 The Landlady already had a room for him .
         ItÕ

       Ò stuff all my little pets when they pass aw ay.Ó She stuffs all her pets and plac es
        I

them in front of her fireplac e. ÒHow amusing.Ó(pg. 177) She alw ays is changing

subjects. Ò e put a w arm w ater bottle in to air out your bed.Ó (pg. 174)
           IÕv

       The landlady acts nic e in fact she is plotting out how to kill him. Ò w as
                                                                             it

fantastic ally cheap.Ó (pg. 173) She sets the pric e low er to lure him in to her bed and

breakfast.

       ÒBut my dear boy, he never left.Ó She poisoned them then stuffed them. ÒMilk.Ó

She said ÒAn sugar?ÓThe landlady is plotting out how to kill him by changing subject.
            d

ÒThe tea tasted faintly bitter of alm onds.Ó She poisoned him so she c an stuff him.

       My reaction to the Landlady is as nice as a butterfly by is a creep sneaky and a

c ruel person. She has a bed and breakfast to lure young men to kill and stuff them.

Think about it would you stay at one of these.
Exe mplar: 3
                                            Exemplar 3
           e
Squeaky, Th Sw iftest ThingOn The Bloc k
        “Running is my life. You c an see me jogging down Broadw ay, and I do not c are w ho know s
it” (5). That I a quote from thefamous “Raymond’s run” by Toni Cade Bombara, w here Squeak is
                n
determined to w i the 50-yard dash. Squeaky loves to run, and she is very good at it. There is only
             t
one thing tha Squeaky loves more than running, and that is her family. Squeaky has to take c are of
          r
her brothe Raymond, and she gets very defens ive if someone makes fun of him. Squeaky is a short-
             r           ,                g
tempered, ove protec tive and hard w orkin young girl.
                            -tempered w it talking to other people, she w ould muc h rather fight “I
        Squeaky is very short            h                                                      .
         o                                                                    ,
am ready t fight, c uz lik e I said I do not feature a w hole lot of c hitc hat I w ould muc h rather prefer to
                  (
knoc k you dow n” 6). Squeaky has a very short-temper, so she does not w ant to talk much and get all
          ,
w orked up she w ould muc h ratherbeat you up, and get on with her lif e. There is one point in the story
that Squeaky gets w orkedup, and that is w hen Gretc hon and her sidekic ks talk to Squeaky saying that
                  n              .                                                ,
Gretc hon w ill w i the big rac e Squeaky w as jogging, and there c omes Gretc hon talking hers elf up
                         t
saying that she is going o w in the big rac e. But at the big rac e, Mr. Pearson asked Squeaky to throw
            ,
the big race and let someone else w in, but Squeaky w as not about to do that. Oh how made she got,
            o
she did not t even see his face after he said that, it w as just that bad.
                                   i                                                   t
        Squeaky w as hardw orking n everything she did, so w hen Mr. Pearson asked her o throw the
                        .
race, she w as beyond mad Squeaky tries hard in everything she does, so that she does w ell. “I stay up
all night studying the w ords for the spelling bee” (5). Squeaky is not afraid to hide her talent, and if
she is not good at something, she w orks hard to do better. “You c an see me anytime of the day
prac tic ing my running” (5). Squeaky does not hide that she prac tic es to do w ell, bec ause she know s no
one w ill believe that she is just that good. Squeaky has trained hard for her big rac e, and w ill not let
anything keep her from w inning. She know s that she is good enough; she just has to prove it.
                           p
        Squeaky is very over rotec tive w ith her brother Raymond. “You got anything to say to my
                                                er
brother, you say it to me” (6). Squeaky lovers h brother Raymond, and w ould never allo w people to
          f
make fun o him. Sinc e Raymond is w ith Squeaky all the time, she has him stay on her inside so that
                 t
aw ay he w ill no run off into the traffic. Squeaky has to really w atc h Raymond, c onsidering that is her
                      t
only thing s he needs o do in the family.
                            y
        You know w hat Squeak must be very good at running if she w ins every race. Squeaky w as an
overprotec tive, hardworking, and short-tempered girl even though she looked small and sc raw ny. Who
know s if R          l
           aymond w il ever w in a race as Squeaky being his c oac h?
Exemplar: 4
                              Exemplar 4
The Deadly Sip

         Have you ever gotten the feeling that the being in front of you has put in a fake
front in order to lure you into their ow n cold hands? In Roald DahlÕ short story Ò
                                                                           s             The
Landlady,Óthe Landlady owns a bed and breakfast in which she tric ks young men into
staying, and never seeing the light of day again. Throughout the story you c an tell that
the Landlady is up to something, but seventeen-year-old Bill y w eaver will never know
what hit him. In the beginning, the Landlady may seem nic e, but if you stay at her bed
and breakfast, you will find out she is dec eitful, cunning, and later murderous.
         The quote, ÒAn    imals w ere usually a good sign in a plac e like this,Óproves that the
Landlady is trying to be w elcoming, when in reality she stuffs her pets and any strapping
young men she comes upon. Bill y Weaver, when first laying his eyes on the Landlady,
thinks, Ò  She seemed very nice.Ó Being the dec eitful woman that she is, the Landlady put
on her Ò  split personalityÓand tric ked young Billy into thinking she w as one of your
average cookie making grandmothers. By now, Billy Weaver is c aught into her trap, just
                                                 s
like a helpless little turtle c aught in a fisherÕ net, but even more is about to come for
poor Billy Weaver.
         Ò w as fantastic ally cheap. It w as less than half of what heÕ been expecting,Ó is
           It                                                             d                  :
what Billy thinks about the price for the bed and breakfast. The Landlady c unningly
made her pric es irresistibly low, w ay low er then what Billy anticipated. In fact, she made
it so inexpensive that Bill y w as lured in, making the Landlady c unning. The Landlady
                                                         n
makes all young men happy in her home, even w he dead and up on the fourth floor.
The Landlady dexterously had her guests sign her book, considering that she alw ays
seems to Ò    forgetÓtheir names. The quote, Ò   Suddenly, in a downstairs window that w as
brilli antly illuminated by a street lampÉ Óalso provides that the Landlady is c unning
bec ause she turned on the lamp when the perfect catch c ame around the corner.
                          s
         The LandladyÕ murderous side may actually be a little mind blowing,
considering that she stuffs all of her visitors. ÒT tea tasted faintly of bitter almonds and
                                                     he
           t
he didnÕ c are for it much,Óis a quote that establishes that the Landlady is a deadly fiend,
                                  s
for she poisoned Mr. WeaverÕ w arm drink. Another quote, said by the Landlady, states,
Ò                t                                                          s
  There w asnÕ a blemish on his body,Órefers to one of the LandladyÕ earlier guests. The
Landlady exemplifi es this bec ause she had gorged his guest with stuffing.
                          s
         The LandladyÕ dec eitfully c unning plans led Bill y Weaver into the LandladyÕ      s
trap, with murderous consequenc es. The Landlady obviously loves young men, sinc e she
stuffs them and keeps them in her house forever, kind of like a souvenir or valuable
trinket. Her true nature is a little unsatisfying, especially sinc e she looked like such a
nic e old lady who would not hurt a fly. The Landlady really constructed Roald DahlÕ        s
story into a hair-raising performanc e, which will leave you with cold feet for days on end.
Whenever you see a bed and breakfast, be sure not to taste their tea, bec ause it could be
the last c up you will ever have.
                   Peer Editing Guidelines

What we need to know in order to peer edit

What does peer editing mean?
   Peer editing is when students give each other feedback on writing. Effective feedback is
   based upon the question, “How will my response help the writer?”
When someone reads my paper, I want them to:
   1. Be specific
   2. Tell spots or parts to improve
   3. Be honest
When I read someone’s paper, I want to:
   1. Read the entire paper
   2. Compare with the grading rubric
   3. Offer constructive criticism
We should not use the following words during peer editing
   1. Overly Negative
   2. Overly Positive
   3. Vague
      Final reminders…
1.    Don’t use 1st person. (I, me, you)
2.    Don’t use your opinion. (I think, I believe)
3.    Avoid using contractions
4.    Keep your verb tense consistent
5.    Keep your verb tense in the present tense to make it seem more “alive”
6.    Leave your reader with something to think about!
7.    Be sure to use strong transitions between paragraphs.
8.    Be sure to explain your quotes!
9.    Broaden your opening question so that it isn’t so predictable.
10.   Be sure to state the trait you are proving.
11.   Avoid saying well, …
12.   Spell out numbers 1 – 10
13.   Avoid saying “in this essay…”
14.   Provide a bit more background info.
15. Remember that your job is to ANALYZE the character, not
    SUMMARIZE the story
                      Quiz yourself!
1. List the FOUR things that need to be included in your introduction. (4 points)
      1.
      2.
      3.
      4.


2. What is a thesis statement? (2 points)


3. What should be included in your thesis statement? (2 points)


4. Where is the thesis statement located? (2 points)


5. Yesterday you wrote down 3 ways to grab the reader’s attention in the introduction. List
   TWO of these ways! (2 points)
      1.
      2.


6. There are three things that need to be included in your conclusion. Please list them. (3 points)
      1.
      2.
      3.

								
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