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					Hub Posts Thursday 1/1/04
1/01/04
From: Ruth

My Time Zone Happy New Year

Comments:
Yesterday is already a dream
And tomorrow is only a vision
But today
Well lived
Makes every yesterday
A dream of happiness,
and
Every tomorrow a vision of hope
(author unknown)

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1/01/04
From: Genek
Email: Kgene1923@aol.com

Location NJ

Comments:
Just for INS
,This GA Hub site is the only hope for some CGS who cannot get to a F2F meeting.Either because there are no meetings in their
area, ---or in my case the meetings are all at night.And at age 80, do not drive after sunsetLOI firmly beleive that a
committment to the 12 step program can be maintained "on line"It seems to be working on a AA website also,We live in a
cyber world today,and with the Internet,we can make the connrctions to follow the 12 Step program.

Love, and New Years Blessings to all,Genek
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1/01/04
From: Dave Of Beckenham
Email: gadaveuk@yahoo.com

Last Day Gambled 1992 August

Location Calgary

Comments:
My name is Dave I am a compulsive Gambler and will be till the day I DIE! House searching today was strenuos, but we
managed to keep to plan. Lower than -13c and tourer heater is useless. But we then went to retaurant and talked things out.
Cleared the air. Meal was good snuck a bit of her apple pie with some rum sauce. I had Steak and salad. Oh those crunky green
bits? I did have 2 cups of capachino. Smacked bum. Talked things out with sona dn cleared a few issues. I am not the ass hole
he thinks I was? LOL. We are all going to see one house together. Third time that must say some thing. I asked Mark to be
crtical. 2 Houses we saw and loved but were well beyond our budget. Could not afford the taxes. I may be going away while
Shirley is in UK. Not sure where. Most boxes are repacked. Going into secure storage it is not cheap for sure. Told son dander
from dogs is taking me down. So that is reson I stay down stairs and go out a lot. Nothing to do with him. Shirley & I both need
to be warm and Calgary is not best place. For sure. Living out of suitcases is not for the 50+, only just? Yes sure who am I
kidding. Told Shirley I was really proud she was able to let her hair down with me. She made me laugh you would not believe.
In years to come I will wonder how we managed to do it all? Was this really my life? Were we able to be trully our selves like
that. Me and mum have siad some really out rageous thinsg to each other in jest. Things I would have been afraid to say even
3 years ago. Life has its supprises? I use to be the worlds best talker. Knew it all, teh expert, do not tell me how. Crap covers it
basically. I was a bull shitter for sure. Filled with fear and procastranation. Write on paper tommorrows programme are you
mad? Do you think I am some kind of weakling? Yes I was. To cowardly to admit my weaknesses. Not man enough to take the
first step forward. Not willing to commit by actions. Hidden motives galore. Shirley loving me unconditionally, she must have
been a mug? Well the tables turn and you find out truths about yourself. To scarey some times? But willing your own truth
comes out if you try? Hidden fears faced open boxes hidden for years. Feelings never dealt with just buried. Tears flow laughter
hurts. Eye fill with spirit. Shark eyes warm to the innocense. Love has meaning. The lost soul is found. Where was I hiding?
Love to you all. Dave

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1/01/04
From: caring friend

Comments:
((((((((((Maryanne))))))))))) Huggin you tight...there are people in the chat room right now...just waiting to help
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1/01/04
From: maryanne
Email: amika13@aol.com

Last Day Gambled 12/31/03

Location Savannah, GA

My Time Zone Eastern

Comments:
I am a compulsive gambler --- no, I am an obsessed gambler - totally obsessed with gambling. I need help but find no list of
professional counselors in Georgia who specialize in treating this addiction. I also need help from a psychological standpoint
because of many things that are happening and have happened in my live -- no one to talk to - lonely - married -- husband will
probably put me out when he finds out about my gambling. Have tried GA here in Savannah. One meeting place too distant
from home to drive alone at night. Other meeting place, members don't show up for the meeting scheduled. Small group = no
connection. I so desperately need someone to talk with.
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1/01/04
From: Shawn
Email: shawnrn@cox.net

Last Day Gambled 8-8-93

Location Chula Vista, California

My Time Zone 6:16 P.M. Pacific

Comments:
Good evening, Everyone! Well, 2004 is finally here, and I am so excited, this is going to be a great year, I have so much hope.
My family and I had a great year last year, and we are looking for still better things. I was able to retire, and I have really
enjoyed my retirement the past 15 months. My wife threatened that I was going to be her Mop Bucket man, but that still hasn't
happened, and I am greatful. I have really enjoyed spending so much time with our young children. I do need to work more, it
will make me a better husband and father. I know that my wife needs this time in our children's lives.

This past week, my wife and I have sat down, and discussed our long and short term goals. We had very productive talks, and I
firmly believe that we are on the same page, as to the direction that our family needs to take. I hope that makes sense. I have
come to the conclusion that I am a perfectionist, was in heavy denial for many years. I am working on that, and am doing
much better. One of my main goals this year, is to be a better husband.

My wife and I are going to be celebrating our 10th wedding anniversery this September, and I can hardly believe that she has
put up with my the past 10 years.
I could not have asked for a better and kinder wife. I Love her dearly. She gives me great strength, for I know that every time I
leave out the front door, my children are in good hands, and that means a lot to me. Just when I think that life can not get any
better, it does, and I am still surprised.

I say this, and I tell you, I am just one bet away from throwing all the good things I have away. When I gambled, I gambled
only money, but now I would also be gambling my wife and children, besides the money. Thanks for being here for me. Shawn
N
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1/01/04
From: Jay L.
Email: jaylaz123@hotmail.com

Last Day Gambled November 5, 2000.

Location Arizona

My Time Zone 7:00 pm MST

Comments:
Good evening, everyone! It looks like I get to do a 5th Step with my sponsor next Tuesday at 10am. I tried doing it with a
closed-mouth AA friend, but it didn't feel right, so I decided to wait. I'm anxiously awaiting to get my new car, I think on
Friday. I'm really looking forward to being able to get into the car and just drive off to Phoenix or if I want to zip over to L.A. for
a few days without having to pay for a car rental. My old car at 225,000 miles was getting me around town pretty well, but no
long distance driving. My world away from gambling continues to get better and better each and every day, I can't even tell you
and I'm a guy that gambled compulsively and recklessly for over 20 years. Gambling was my only reason to exist! Gambling
was the only thing that made me feel alive. I've signed up for Tax next semester. I've got only 3 classes left for my Accounting
degree from the U of A. I'm working 33 hours per week, so I'll be very busy as AA and GA is top priority as well. I'm sooo
grateful! Have a great evening and thanks for listening.
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1/01/04
From: Vicki B
Email: human53@yahoo.com

Last Day Gambled 09/27/03

Location Michigan

My Time Zone est, 8:31 p.m.

Comments:
Good Evening CGHub Family. I am a compulsive gambler, food addict, compulsive shopper, co-dependent, and perhaps other
obsessive/compulsive behaviors I have yet to identify. 2004 is the year I take care of Vicki! Life...time to appreciate it and do
my best to live it successfully! I could be over-whelmed by all that needs to be worked on...so I will take the advice given by
the priest at Mass this morning...just pick one thing to work on changing. For me it is to work on my spiritual well-being...I
know if that is in order, then it will be easier to have the other areas fall in line. I learned a valuable lesson from my Mother's
passing...to seek and be with God in the here and now, not when I am taking my last breath. 2004 I will be more prayerful and
meditative. I will work on respect for myself, and developing relationships based on mutual respect. Problems happen between
people, misunderstandings, reactionary explosions, and when they do I will work the 12 steps to help see and correct my part
in the problem.

Welcome to those who are new here, or who have come back after being away. Open arms welcome you!

Congratulations to those recognizing personal milestones! Clap! Clap!! Clap!!!

Thank-you to each of you for sharing of your experience, strength, and hope here at the hub!
I am just another compulsive gambler, grateful to have named the problem...emotional illness...and hopeful as I work recovery
ONE DAY AT A TIME!

TONIGHT I am choosing to be happy! It is a much needed time for an attitude adjustment![having had an earlier episode of
emotional pain.]
Wishing each of you a peace-filled 2004!

I will be making plans for the Chicago mini-conference, also. SO, Charlie let's plan on a CGHub Gathering there!

Good Night All, I might be away for a few days...I am taking the Nickster on an outing to the Detroit area...museums, the zoo,
Rainforest Cafe, etc! I might meet up with some hubsters at a GA meeting this weekend, too! [God willing!]

Hugs,
Vicki B
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1/01/04
From: for sherry and others

Link URL (Addy) http://isomain@gamblersanonymous.org/

Comments:
click on for main GA site
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1/01/04
From: Leslie

Comments:
Sherry...are you there...if so...go to chat...please...I'm waiting there
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1/01/04
From: ??????????

Comments:
someone asked a question today what was it and what is the answer
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1/01/04
From: sherry

Last Day Gambled today
Comments:
nothing happy about this new year...just like every other year and day..gonna stop posting..wasting space and everyones
time...I am one of those lost causes and I give up..considering and almost did last night..ending it all. No more misery
sherry
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1/01/04
From: Jim A.
Email: gr8_move@yahoo.com

Last Day Gambled January 23, 1996

Location Davison (City of flags), Michigan

My Time Zone 6.30 pm eastern

Comments:
Welcome back to the HUB, ((( Nance ))). Keep coming back.

Your comments about acceptance of being a CGer, or not, struck me. As you know Rich R. introduced me to a lead talk given
by Warren B. on February 15, 1996; Warren B. was my point "B", more on that later. The way that Warren B. explained it to
me, was that the "Twenty Questions" allow us to 'call the shot' on ourselves. You know the drill, it's a screen where if we
answer YES to at least 7 of the 20 questions, we learn that we are like most compulsive gamblers, in that most compulsive
gamblers answer YES to at least 7 of the questions. (It's that logic of, if "A is like B, and B is like C, than by golly, A is like C.)

Simple, no?

So the simplicity of the screen, is that it removes all subjective criteria, extraneous notions, situational factors, and individual
ego from the 'analysis' or if you prefer, the 'diagnosis'.

What's important is that for most of us, we can't 'call the shot' on ourselves without the help, and support, and acceptance, and
hope, and encouragement, and understanding, and love, of another compulsive gambler or two or three or more (see "B"
above in my little logic syllogism, "B" is another recovering compulsive gambler put in your life to bring you the needed hope
that change is possible) ...

Believe me Nance, my centerpiece of denial, was that my compulsive gambling addiction would not get worse. But no surprise,
it did get worse. After continuing to gamble for nearly 7 years after first visiting the rooms of GA in 1989, I looked around in
1996 and did not like what I saw, whom I had become, the consequences that I had ignored for so many years that I could no
longer ignore. Still, all of that was what the gambling had done TO me. Not trying to minimize that, but the IRS taxes and state
returns have been filed and paid and remedied, the many loans and credit cards have been completely paid, the performance
reviews at work have improved and my job situation appears to be more secure, my credit rating tips the scale now in the high
700s, and so financially speaking, things are much better (and I didn't win it back by gambling -- that NEVER worked); but I
have mended relationships with friends, and family, and coworkers, and that has helped the way that I feel about myself today,
Jim has discovered that Jim today has the willingness to help another suffering gambler, just as some strangers (Warren and
Rich) were willing to help me.

It was only later in recovery, that I learned the real nature of the compulsive gambling illness, and that is what the compulsive
gambling was doing FOR me. So, yes, I continue to be grateful for the NEW DAY before me, with a NEW WAY of approaching
my life -- it seems to be so much better than what I too had clung too, for nearly 7 long years. Maybe my story, can be, a point
"B" for you. It is my hope. By the way, we meet on Mondays and Wednesdays, at 7 p.m., at the usual place ... you are always
welcome ... we'd love to see 'ya ...

Enjoy the journey! Peace.
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1/01/04
From: Ian S
Email: ims1967@att.net

Last Day Gambled 12/18/97

Location Atlanta

Link Name ims1967

Link URL (Addy) ims1967@att.net

My Time Zone Eastern

Comments:
Ladies and Gentlemen, Be very careful and use this site to your advantage but do NOT use this as a substitute for meetings!!
As a national trustee for GA, I strongly advise at least one full face to face meeting a week for all who want to recover.
Remember page 17 of the combo book, it is your bible and you should abide by it at all times Just something for y'all to think
about--Later
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1/01/04
From: Michelle

Comments:
((Tibbi)) I had to pop in real quick and say Youll never guess what I have in the crock pot today!
Saurkraut!!!! Yep! aint even kidding LOL Cept no pork got some beef ring and taters cooking in it all togeather. Neat
coincidence!
Hope every one has a good start to the new year.
Gonna let Roger get back on here and do whatever it is he does to get this thing running better for me.
Cyaaaaaaaa's!

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1/01/04
From: Dave J
Email: DBJ62961@AOL.COM

Last Day Gambled 5/24/03

Location Albany N.Y.

My Time Zone 4:45 PM EST.

Comments:
HAPPY NEW YEAR "2004" Hope everyone is enjoying their day away from the Beast...Its gotta be Good.....WELCOME
(DAVID)(NANCY) And ((((ALL)))) New comers....You came to the right place for Experiences Strenth and Hope raying for you
(Privy-Kim) and All who are struggling....Yep Miracles Do Happen..when we work the steps and stay connected (Rich) so glad to
see you back..you are very much loved and appreciated so please....DONT LEAVE US ..That is (HERE)! and All you do here at
the CGHub ,HELPING... so many other GA Brothers and Sisters find their way...:thumbari) Enjoy your vacation....Yep..Rest is
better than stress ,when we stay away from that 1st bet...Congratulations to All milestones today Making Today Count,One
Moment At A Time..All Gods Best in "2004" to Our ((((((CGHUB FAMILY))))))
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1/01/04
From: Pari

Last Day Gambled 9/26/03

Location france

Comments:
Hi everyone,
Hope you're having a nice gamble free day on this first day of 2004!!

I'm posting to say that I'm going away on vacation and visit to family and friends. It has been 2 yrs. that I've been wanting to
do this however, gambling never allowed me too. Made up all the excuses in the world not to move away from the casino. Just
stayed here and let the Beast run my life.

Well, for now, those days are over and I'm Off!!!(thank you hubbers and HP)
The beast, of course, will be going with me. But he will be in even tighter chains. I hope he will freeze in the cargo section of
the plane!!

I'm taking my puter and hope to be able to log on. If not I will give news of myself via the Zoo Keeper.(She gets anxious when
zoolings are not around)Love ya' Gamzez. Sponsor and friend.
Anyway I'll be back real soon and I shall miss you all when I'm away.

((((Rich)))) great to read your post. I'm one of those newer ones who was very worried abt. you. Nice having you and your
puter back. he he

((((Privy)))) read your post. I'm sorry you have these rough times ahead, but glad that you are facing your problems and
dealing with them. so much courage. Clap Clap. Love ya' honey.

to all the milestoners congrats.
to all ((((((((new comers)))))))) a big welcome


To all my dear (((((Hubbers)))))) Love ya' all and will be back soon.

Will miss ya',
ari
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1/01/04
From: kim /Privy

Last Day Gambled dec 29/30

Comments:
happy new years day everyone.Well, i want to say thanks to Jay L who posted the literature out of the AA book the other day.
You made me want to take a harder look around me.I thought how much more can i do or take.then words from recovery from
days gone by popped into my head."God only gives you as much as you can handle" Took the bulls by the horns at 8:30 this
a.m. and went to seek out my elusive boyfriend. How could i make a decision about rob, if i did not even know what was up
with him? I grew up in a world where people were disposable, I was disposed of as a child,watched many others get disposed of
in the same way. good children, good people. I was not yet ready to repeat this pattern with rob. Not til i knew where he was
at. Last couple of days i have crashed hard. Best thing that could ever happen to me,again my apologies for the ride
folks,Spent alot of time loooking at the mess and my part in it. I am so awake thank god!!! Well i found him....and out of
respect for him i will not at this time go into details about where or what i found. What i will share with you,is that it was a rude
awakening. I found him in a place that you and i really would never want to be. A place that i could never have imagined in a
million years, it was the worst situation i have ever been. You all do not know me but let me tell ya i have seen some bad
stuff,however, it was when i was a child and was so long ago i had forgotten. Anyhow,it was an unsafe situation and i found a
way to keep me safe and get him out. do i want to rescue him, do i need to care for him to feel good about myself heck no!!
quite the opposite as a matter of fact..can i fix him know i"m gonna fix me what am i gonna do, Is he sick yes! are we sick yes!
What do i do? well my morals my values and my own life experiences would not allow me to turn my back on him, when he
said to me and it was the first words out of his mouth folks "Kim i am sick and i need help" thank you god, amen!!finally, I have
recognized my half of this equation over the last several, weeks, months, and when looking at him in this horrible state u have
no idea how i felt. I will try to put it in a simple terms as i can. I saw the whole reality of me and what i have been doing and
the whole reality of him and what he had been doing. I realized once again what i have always felt and known about myself and
rob.despite all the mean things that have been said and done. What i realized truly is that we are two unhealthy people, who
are very intelligent,who also have been however, healthy at times shared alot of laughter and good times. We have faced the
good the bad and the ugly together. We have trusted and cared for each other when no one else did. We are both
disposed,diplaced people,. Got him home safe,checked into detoxes for him,talked to his partner about impact on his job should
he go into rehab, and we are looking at options. We talked for an hour we shared everything,what he has been doing and for
how long. I listened for the most part,rob does not talk easily,had to seize this moment,lucky for me and the little bit of
recovery i have and Jay L posting, i was able to understand him. To detach with love and give him what he needed,when
appropriate i shared and took responsiblity for my half,not too much as not to overwhelm him. I have support and help he does
not.We discussed what we wanted to do ,he is now resting, As for me i then got on email to respond to joni b, thank you so
much joni for your love and support and understanding and wisdom. Thank you so much people in the hub for bearing with me.
We have been doing this dance for so long now, fianlly, we have crashed. No matter what happens with him now i know that i
cannot live with myself anymore, no way i will not contaminate my son,with my sickness, i will not hide or runaway anymore,
this is it!! I will take care of myself i will deal with my mess, hope rob will get what is required(and accept it)to deal with his
own. I am a gambler , I am a codependent and i have had enuff, seen enuff, contributed enuff,with my unwellness, to this little
unit i have going on here. Remarkably rob was able to share with me his feelings on that subject, his contributions and mine.
Discussing first step for him. Worried a little for him that he may not take it, i will have to leave it in the hands of god and in his
hands it is not my recovery it is his. I will work on my own and pray that my change, hope strenght and wisdom,contributes to
his well being, thats all i can do. For now i suspect he will be detoxocing and will let him rest.Take it odat,with me odat with
him, odat with the mess, odat with the business, odat in recovery. Meeting with counsellor on monday must check out
codependency meetings, will stay in touch in hub. Will have to go to ga,will discuss with counsellor for now will drop into
hub,gotta check on rob first,hope to see you there thank you so much for listening.lol special thanks to old timers need your
wisdom no disrespect feel i can handle only that at this time.
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1/01/04
From: rich r
Email: richr121500@yahoo.com

Last Day Gambled 12/15/00

Location detroit

Comments:
Hi there everyone.

It's rich r, grateful to be among the recovering again .

Dang one week ago, my (sometimes) brilliant 19 yr old tried to install DSL on my home computer. Something went very wrong
and not only couldn't we get DSL but we couldn't get dial-up either. So for one full week I have been suffering from Internet
deprivation (a curse almost worse than death ). I believe this one event had quite a bit to do with my going nutso this past
Monday. Man, was I berserk! Now you might be thinking, this guy isn't too stable to get that upset over no Internet, right?
Well, along with no Internet, the solution to the problem seemed to be to get rid of all files and reload the original software.
Well, being a pack rat, I had TONS of files to back up, which I finished yesterday (except I forgot to save my Internet Explorer
'favorites' list, bummer!!!).
Anyhoo (as John H says), it appears to be behind me now and I am ready to start a new year.

I do want to thank each and every one of you who were so thotful and helpful while I was 'gone'. Some of you listened to me
ranting and raving in the chat room when I logged in from the library on Monday. Some of you even called my house, others
sent emails. I'll tell you something, especially if you are fairly new here, this is a great bunch of folks at CGhub, they truly do
care about you! thanks I'll be back.
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1/01/04
From: littleanon

Comments:
Excerpt from "A Woman's Spirit" meditation book.

JANUARY 1

God does not require that we be successful, only
that we be faithful. -Mother Teresa

It's probable we have never equated success with faith.
Being successful meant accomplishing worthy goals and receiving the expected praise. We may have even considered that
relying on faith to help us was a cop-out. Fortunately, so much about how we interpret life has changed since joining this
journey through recovery.

In Step Three we learn that God wants us to have faith. We are coming to see, in fact, that acting as if we have faith begins to
feel like faith. Coming to believe that God's only expectation is that we turn within for guidance makes every circumstance far
less threatening.

Practicing faith promises that we will begin to feel successful in all our experiences because we are walking through them
peacefully, trusting fully that God is at hand. Believing in God, being truly faithful, can be the greatest success of our lives.

______________________________________

I can be faith-filled today if I turn my life and my will over to the care of God. I will remind myself of this every time I get in the
"driver's seat."
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1/01/04
From: Leslie

Comments:
Just remembered that when I played my "free" games of slots 2 ( computer game) and my little Radio Shack hand held slots
game....my gambling amount went up...it was fueled by my "winnings" on the so called "free" games....yep ((((Carole))))
agree just an appetizer...and definitely not enough food to satisfy...so I threw them out the window when recovery came
along...well, not really out the WINDOW, but you know what I mean....Huggin you ((((all)))) today...on this most beautiful New
Years Day...its no jacket weather here...so grateful am I...and (((( Milestoners )))) so terrific! Ysir, Leslie
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1/01/04
From: Donna C.
Email: pisquali2179@aol.com

Last Day Gambled 7/19/03

Location Las Vegas, Nv

My Time Zone 930 pst

Comments:
I am Donna C. a grateful recovering compulsive gambler. The year 2003 was not my best year but I survived it. I didn't really
live it. 2003 was full of ups and downs, gains and losses, not talking about just a relapse. Talking more about life and my ability
to live it. Today is the beginning of a new year, 2004. I wish all a happy and seccessfull new year. Me, I am continuing with my
schooling, my nail business, and the GA program. In view of a relapse I find for myself there is no cure for this disease. Like
most others that don't have a cure there is remission. The only way I know how to keep it dormant, pre and post relapse, is by
working a program, attending meetings, writing on steps, journaling, giving service, staying connected. If I unplug any one of
these things are bound to happen and unplugging the rest will follow. I know I've done it once before. If I keep it simiple by
doing what I say and not saying what I will do then my life gets a little better each day. With that I'll end, so KEEP COMING
BACK IT WORKS WHEN YOU WORK IT SO WORK IT BECAUSE YOU ARE WORTH IT.
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL
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1/01/04
From: Carole

Comments:
((((WELCOME)))) Sharon C..and anyone else lurking jump in..((rich)) thinking of you too..Carole...oh yes, and good stuff
Michelle, about the divorce and the great evening..gotta git..
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1/01/04
From: Carole
Email: carolehub@hotmail.com

Last Day Gambled march 6/2002

Location brtitish columbia, canada

My Time Zone pacific

Comments:
HAPPY NEW YEAR..2004..ITS A NEW DAY..BRAND NEW...Carole here recovering compulsive gambler, and
thinking..hmmmmmmm...they must be sick of my starting line, but it sooooooo fits..will keep it..((Pari))holding your hand, and
all those who frequent this miraculous website, its run by an angel((CharlieP)) and for sure cared for by celestial
angels...((lakota))what beautiful words..bless you..hate to signal anyone out..but my so touched my heart and
(((Joni))ENOUGH..that one was AWESOME too..and all those who post...you ALL touch my heart..bless you and thanks so much
for sharing your life .... ((YOU)) are (((ALL))) precious(thanks JONI)...you lie with dogs you catch flees..hang with Hubsters,
and you catch a great feeling in your heart..(((Tibbi)) a whole month without bingo..BINGO..you are getting that recovery
thing..YEP..YIPPEE..YAHHHOO..((GENE)) welcome back,((David)) you hit the jackpot HERE..I too was a slot junkie...funny how
playing the ones on line for FREE would be an appetizer for the ones that payed money..soooooooooooooo...I personally
experienced that money for sure had a part in it..my opinion only..(learned to cover my butt here when I say certain
things...((Deb)) I too get to clean up and put away decorations..YIPPPPEE>>off I go..love to all and many blessings
TODAY..and NO BETTING...keep that BEAST away...ysir, Carole SEIZE THOSE MOMENTS
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1/01/04
From: Sharon C
Email: sharon@cablerocket.com

Last Day Gambled December 10, 2003
Location Ontario

My Time Zone EST

Comments:
HAPPY HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! I have only been in the hub for 3.5 weeks, but the benefits I have received from being
part of this family are overwhelming.

I am a compulsive gambler and have been for nine years. I hit bottom on December 10, 2003 when I was confronted by a
member of my family with the reality that this disease was ruining me and my family.

I never really believed I was causing injury to myself or anyone else. I thought I was gambling as a source of entertainment
and good stop whenever I wanted. I was not fooling anyone but myself.

I have attended to f2f meetings so far and I am on the chat line as often as possible. I am encouraged and inspired by the
stories I read and from the input by each and everyone on this site. No one judges or intimidates, they only love and support.

It is the start of a new year, a new life and with the help of you wonderful people and my Higher Power and the support of my
loving family, this will be the best year I have had for a long, long time.

I wish everyone a happy and healthy new year and thank you from the bottom of my heart for your support.

Take care
Sharon C.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/01/04
From: Teresa
Email: tibbi914@aol.com

Last Day Gambled sometime last year

Location Pa

Comments:
Welcome 2004! I'm so happy to have another new day and year to start anew. Just being with the hubbers in chat last night
helped me to feel connected, and know I'm not alone. "Cheers to the Chatters", and those of you that were there in heart. I'm
enjoying my day of cooking, doing dishes, and doing homey stuff with my daughter. The enthusiasm is spreading to her. She
jumped right in this morning. The smell of Pork and Saurkraut cooking brings the comfort of New Year traditions here at my
house. We can't wait to eat, and I'm so happy to be cooking dinner for those who will enjoy it. Later on, we plan on playing
Scrabble. I love to play games, so this will be a good thing to start out the new year. I suddenly realized this morning that it
has been 1 month today since I have played bingo. Although I did put money in lotto pool at work, I still feel good knowing that
I haven't been back there losing all my money, time, sleep, dignity, etc... etc... etc... I will continue to take it ODAAT, and well
hopefully the baggage will get lighter. I am looking forward to all that this hub has to offer me here this year, thanks to all of
you.(((Heartfelt Hugs to All))) YFIR,Teresa (tibbi)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/01/04
From: Joni B
Email: jonimb@neb.rr.com

Last Day Gambled 7/08/00 Grateful

Location Nebr.

Comments:
ENOUGH!

A time comes in your life when you finally get it... When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks
and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH!

Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to
subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes
you begin to look at the world through new eyes. This is your awakening.

You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change or for happiness, safety and security to come
galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and
that in the real world there aren't always
fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you and in the
process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what
you are... and that's OK.
(They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself and in
the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop bitching and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only
thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say
and that not everyone will always be there
for you and that it's not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process a
sense of safety & security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and
human frailties and in the process a sense of peace & contentment is born of forgiveness. You realize
that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have
been ingrained into your psyche. And you begin to sift through all the crap you've been fed about
how you should behave, how you should look and how much you should weigh,what you should wear and where you should
shop and what you should drive,how and where you should live, and what you should do for a living, who you should sleep
with, who you should marry and what you should expect of a
marriage, the importance of having and raising children or what you owe your parents.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are what
you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard
the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with and in the process you learn to go
with your instincts. You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power
and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life
merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix. You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated
ideals of a bygone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn to
distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the
only cross to bear is the one
you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake. Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. How
to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your
feelings onto a relationship.
You learn that you will not be, more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or
the child that bears your name. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You
stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love.... and
you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your
terms... just to make you happy. And, you learn that alone does not mean lonely...

You look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to
compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack up."

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that
feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK.... and that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things that you want...and
that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for
less. And, you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you to glorify you with his touch... and in the process you
internalize the meaning of self-respect.

And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a
balanced diet, drinking more water and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create
doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time
to laugh and to play.

You learn, that for the most part, in life you get what you believe you deserve... and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling
prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different
from working toward making it happen.
More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn
that no one can do it all alone and that it's OK to risk asking for help.

You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time... FEAR itself. You learn to step right into
and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the
right to live life on your terms. And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending
doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get
what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn
not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening.
And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state - the ego. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and
resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds
you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to building bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful
and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only
dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and
to never, ever settle for less than your heart's desire. You hang a wind chime outside your
window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every
wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart and with God (whatever you believe him/her to be) by your side you take a stand, you take
a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

-- AUTHOR UNKNOWN
(But dearly appreciated)
InSharing with love, ysir, Joni B
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/01/04
From: Dal B.
Email: dalbert_b@yahoo.com

Last Day Gambled 12/29/03

Location Vancouver

My Time Zone Pacific

Comments:
Good morning all,


Well....Not gambling but only as it's because the bank says "No"...Ok, I'll accept it...But in any condition, I'm getting back on
the wagon, and I know it's questionable as I'm "Forced" to...BUt I guess maybe this is a needed kick in the pants to "Wake up"
finally.
Hello David, I can relate...$20 after $20 after $20 and on and on...Vists to the ATM overlimit on CC's and bank account.



There's a feeling...How to describe it? A fear, a trepidation of "What's to come" when the bank and CC's begin calling and what
to tell them?



And then there's telling the family...It's not easy...I know.



I guess it's kind of strange hearing these words from a person with "Little time" in but I'll admit, I've have been back and forth
for years...This dang addiction is something which is so hard to beat...It's like a single thought gets in and basically inflates till
you cannot think of anything else.



Use all the help you can get and believe...I have seen others succeed, I am only hoping I too can one day, be as they are, for
as I am now, they were also.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/01/04
From: Leslie
Email: beetle444@comcast.net

Last Day Gambled 11/02/03

My Time Zone Eastern
Comments:
I was in bed when 2004 rolled in, but I could hear the fireworks, or should I say startled by the fireworks...smiles...well, 2004
is here, a brand new year filled with hope ....Have been struggling with a headache these past few days....no, not a
hangover...no drinking for me last night Just drunk on the joy of life, but my son and his girl are camped out on my sofa
snooring....not sure what time they got here, cause as I took the dog out at 6 AM my son came to the door, and I jumped sky
high, cause I was half asleep, and he had done what I had asked of him...not drinking and driving, so they will remain on my
sofas for today...or at least until the crack of dawn, which for my son means 1 PM , but not for long...his intention is to enter
the coast guard, and that will go over like a lead sled ((((((David))))) same here...those multi line nickel machines used to get
me everytime...I'd be up thousands of credits, and down to nada 5 minutes later...then I would stuff more money in them, so I
could tell my hubby that I was doing well, so he would leave me alone, but those days are over...thank God, cause I was such a
miserable person during those few years, and ya know...only I could see it...everyone else saw this sweet person, but inside of
her was self loathing to the core....so I am most grateful for this recovery path of mine....I did clink glasses in my heart last
night with all of you wonderful people...my brothers and sister in recovery with a full heart...Ysir, Leslie
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/01/04
From: Jake A

Last Day Gambled 3-11-99

Location Recoveryville USA (burbs of Chicago)

Comments:
Hi all Jake A here and yes I'm still a compulsive gambler. Start of a new year hopefully will be a good one for all CG's that are
in recovery.With that said I would like to ask what are you going to do for your recovery,this year? As recovery won't just come
to you. You must go to recovery. Myself I will continue working the steps daily, calling other members on the phone lists, and
continue going to meetings. Trying to help other members that our in need. Helping myself to a daily dose of recovery. Well
hope everyone has a safe and gamble free 24........Jake A.....
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/01/04
From: CG Hub

Comments:
HAPPY NEW YEARS DAY....

Congrats to today's milestones:
shirley M 12/2/2003
Eric M 11/2/2003
Allen C 11/2/2003
Jeff H 11/2/2003
Leslie M 11/2/2003
Marilyn P 10/3/2003
Betty B 1/1/1998

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/01/04
From: Paul
Email: shmingy@rogers.com

Location Barrie, Ont

Comments:
Happy New Year to all.

David - welcome to the Hub. You have taken the first important step by admitting your addiction. Keep coming back. Seek out
further help by attending GA Meetings and from a Problem Gambling Counselor. Willpower alone will not work.

I have stumbled in my recovery but I refuse to quit quitting. I'm not going to let gambling get the best of me.

Take it one day at a time. Our addiction didn't happen overnight and we won't recover overnight.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/01/04
From: Joni B
Email: jonimb@neb.rr.com

Last Day Gambled 7/08/00 Grateful

Location Nebr
My Time Zone 6:00 am Central

Comments:
Hugs and GOOD MORNING..and a HAPPY NEW YEAR!! precious friends..smiles..my..tis an early one..and will going into fix my
precious gals a New Years Breakfast..but just had to come..and Hug each of you..and say ..ThankYOU for the last 365
Days...for your sharing and caring Hearts..and...wishing you blessings..one by one..in this New YEAR..of Odaats..
much love to you...lets make Today a GOODIE ..k
my our moments are sooo PRECIOUS..just as YOU are me tooo...
God just loves you to pieces..me too
much love..(((((Sasha and her Beautiful list)))way to go Milestoners..and A BIG WELCOME..to (((DAVID)))((((KIM))))..heart to
heart..isnt that just a beautiful happening. sharing..smiles..yep works!!!..bless you!!
offffff I go..but I'll be back..as our Precious ((RICHR))shares...smiles.
ysir, love Joni B
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/01/04
From: Pri

Comments:
just noticed Litz and Steve beat me to it. Shoot!!!
so correction: 3rd post of the New Year!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/01/04
From: Pari

Last Day Gambled 9/26/03

Comments:
HAPPY NEW YEAR HUBBERS OF HOPE!!
Sitting at puter, listening to music. Who would have thought three months ago!! Thank you Hubbers Thank you HP.
Sorry I missed chat festivities last night. ZK will prbbly kick my butt. Oh well!!Can't have it all.
First post of 2004 from France.
Let's do the first 24 in 04 holding hands, my gambler friends, and kicking Beast!!!.

Love you all and wish you only the Best and no Beast in the New Year.
((((((((((((((HUBERS OF HOPE)))))))))))))
Pari
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/01/04
From: STEVE

Last Day Gambled JUNE 29 03

Location CALGARY

Comments:
well 2004 is here and 2003 is like the day at a time slogan it's in the past. I wish you all a happy new year and it's time to forge
ahead. I cant wait for this year cause when i go to new orleans im going to catch a football which is a dream of mine. Im also
hoping to catch a college game which is another dream of mine. Without gambling i can achieve dreams which is awesome.
2004 has so much promise , but one day at a time i can achieve the promises of this program. ((((9(((hugs)))))))) ybir steven f
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/01/04
From: littleanon
Email: littleanon@yahoo.com

Last Day Gambled 11/11/03

Comments:
Dave, you have found a wonderful site. It has helped me tremendously with the compulsion I had with gambling. Tomorrow go
to chat line, sign in with some user name and hit enter, don't need a password. I have met some of the neatest people with our
problem. Through them I have not had to place a bet since, 11/11/03. That is a miracle for me, because I too was mesmerized
by the slots too. I played even If I Won, put all money back in, and went to the atm, credit cards until everything was depleted.
Gambling is a disease, but there is recovery if you work at it. Get online on chatline, share your thoughts, tell everyone that
you need some help and you will receive 10 fold of help from others just like you. Glad you found the site, welcome. See you
online sometime, maybe even tomorrow. Also, if you go online and you are only one on, just stay connected, soon people will
show up. Keep posting too. Your sister in Recovery, geri.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


Hub Posts Friday 1/2/04
1/02/04
From: ((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))

Comments:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change,the courage to change the things I can,and the wisdom to know
the difference..Amen
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/02/04
From: Michelle

Comments:
(((TESS))) Thanks for shareing that! You remind me of me cept less hostile LOL
Just wanted to Hug you before I turn in.
My pk of ciggies is gone and promised 1 pk a day so its either bed or food
Take care! Be good to yourself!
Michelle
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/02/04
From: Tess

Comments:
Hi, Tess a compulsive gambler. Wondering why I can't grasp the concept of this simple program. Ok, I had a bad childhood, but
who didn't. People who did recover. Wondering why I dislike myself so much. People tell me I have good qualities. Wondering
why the only time I leave my room, is to go to work or go to gamble. Wondering if I have a personality disorder. A true
personality disorder. Wondering why I am so depressed all the time. I do have a lot of things to be grateful for, but still
depressed. The gambling "beast" inside me is eating me alive, whether I'm gambling or not. I travel alot in my profession and I
have had the opportunity to go to a variety of GA meetings in my 7 year struggle and the meetings are so different in the
different areas of the country. Where I live, often times no one shows up. There are 10 casinos in a 20 mile area of where I live
and the resources for help are very limited. I am not saying that my inability to recover is related to this, it is just an
observation. I was not brought up in a religious family and have never been to a service. I do believe in a spiritual "God",
sometimes I go to this place where there is a Shrine to Mother Mary and I pray there. I know I am not Catholic, but I don't
think it matters. I am a lost soul. I don't want to die from this "impulse disorder". That is what it is considered to be in the
Mental health circle. I read all kind of studies and statistics. Basically, what they all come down to is I am an immature person
who wants instant gratification. I want to go to inpatient treatment, but I have put myself in a position where it is impossible
for me to go. And not surprisingly they don't offer that anywhere in this area anyhow. I don't know why I am sharing all of this,
but it is what I am thinking about. Everyone here at this hub is so kind to put up with me and my nonsense.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/02/04
From: ((((HUGS))))))

Comments:
Just wanted everyone to know I'm not trying to make light of CG or recovery...just got a little silly...it happens...so, no more
posts from nut 1...afraid I might offend someone, and I would never want to do that ((((HUGS))))))
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/02/04
From: Genek
Email: Kgene1923@aol.com

Last Day Gambled 12-16-03

Location NJ

My Time Zone EST

Comments:
Hi all, Just stopping in for a few shares of ES&H.
((Dave))Your post and so many others today really made an impression on me.I and many others have changed their LDG
recently.But the most important date for me was coming here to the GA Hub in July 2002,For sure was led here by my
HP(God).Yep, had several slips
where my EGO took over, but I quickly returned the reins over to the only one who could help me in overcoming this addiction
to Gambling,my HP, that makes our lives unmanageable.
(charlie p- really laughed at the LDG list being eaten up.Sounds like that Beast is still causing havoc(((Pari))try one of those
choke chains, that give him a Shock(Like a 320 Volt one)
Time for bed here-am battling a Flu Bug, so mtime to take RX and overdose on cought medicineLOL Love, Genek
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/02/04
From: Michelle
Comments:
Whoaaaaaaa! Lots to be said here on those actual live face to face meetings. Yes they are important and yes they are a HUGE
part of recovery. Nothing compares to sitting in a room full of people who share your disease. Them real live HUGZ and to be
able to "see" the new comer who walks in all broken spirited from gambling....... to be able to hold their hand and look into
their eyes and be a LIVE touchable life line for them. Also it gets us to be active and social again and to not isolate as we CG's
tend to do. To cling to the computer as a substitute for a meeting when meetings are available is just FOR ME anyways another
way of avoiding my disease. I did it for several years before I got active in meetings. Now I rarely even attend meetings here at
the Hub. Infact I cant even recall the last time I went to an on line meeting. I do however like to post and share in the chat
room here. Once I got to them live meetings and nope I dont always like them, but all the same an on line meeting can not
replace the live ones for me. I need to be around others in actuality who share my disease.
As alot of people tire of my daily day to day BS shares and whats going on in my life. I also tire of hearing non-stop war stories
about all that was lost and all that could have been..... not from new comers, I realise they are just beginning to feel the pains
of what this disease has done to them.... but from people in the program for some time. I am more so focused on what can be
gained instead of what all was lost. I suppose that is why the majority of my type of shareing was done with staying in the day
with the realisation that I now have a life and in the awe of living in it.
I am going to my first saturday meeting tomorrow a wee bit further away than my thursday meeting and am hopeing to start a
monday or tuesday night meeting in my area soon after I get more aquainted on how to run one and such. Got a few in my
area who I know would attend so I hope to have 3 meetings a week here before too long. Going to try to get the new one off
the ground with the focus being on RECOVERY and not dwelling so much on what was lost gambling as my Thursday night
meeting seems to be so fond of. I want to hear more about how people are using this program to better their lives and learn
more on how I can use it to better mine.
This Hub is definitely a life saver for me. Used to replace meetings and actual recovery WORK now its a nice little addition to
meetings and actual recovery WORK. Still wouldnt want to be without it.
Dats all I gots to say about dat!
Take care all!
Michelle

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/02/04
From: DKL DonnaL
Email: red717@adams.net

Last Day Gambled 11/08/03

My Time Zone Eastern
Comments:
Hey you know what this recovery business is not all sunshine and being grateful and happy moments on the porch somedays its
just work did I say that? well im feeling it somedays just are somedays you drift back in to those old feelings that were
comfortable you let yourself isolate feel resentment things aint never gonna change Im trying to change but nobody else is so
sad pity pot anger why dont people listen to me ? I know best(ego) Having a hard time this week with significant others family
Mother is ill thought we had it set up to go to Nursing Home where at least she would have a chance for Rehab and maybe
eventually get back to her own home Brother decided she will come and live with him ambulance took her there No rehab Oh
why dont they listen tried to turn it over several times this week even tried encapsulating it in a bubble and let it float (vision)
could not seem to let it go Worried stewed thought about it constantly then thought Is this going to make me Gamble if I dont
let go of it? Could,anger just one letter away from danger So will take all I have learned here and take it One day at a time
Never thought I would be so affected by this but glad I came here to let it out instead of the Casino Love to all DKL
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/02/04
From: Newsman

Link URL (Addy) http://www.courier-journal.com/localnews/2004/01/02ky/wir-front-coun0102-10529.html

Comments:
More being trained to treat gamblers
Kentucky, Indiana join other states to provide counselors specialized instruction
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
By GRACE SCHNEIDER gschneider@courier-journal.com

The Courier-Journal
Friday, January 02, 2004

His drinking and gambling gradually spiraled out of control, to the point that he was guzzling beer and betting on horses for
entire days at a time.

After a decade of abuse, he became inconsolable over a relapse in late 1998 and tried to kill himself. He slit his wrists and
nearly bled to death in a hotel room in New Albany, Ind., before reaching for the phone.

(click on link for remainder of this article.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/02/04
From: What You Do With It ?

Comments:
What you do with it

The words that others say to you cannot hurt you. If there is any
hurt, it comes only from your response to those words. The opinions
of other people cannot harm you. It is only when you put too much
store in them that they can affect you at all.

Difficult circumstances cannot keep you down, and favorable
circumstances cannot raise you up. It is what you make of those
circumstances that really matters.

The quality of your life depends primarily on what you do with it.
Most of those things outside of you, that you worry about so much,
really make very little difference.

What truly makes a difference is the way you choose to think, to
feel and to act. What truly makes a difference is what you decide to
do with it all. All the other things, while they can be useful, rich
and interesting, are secondary concerns. What matters most is how
you decide to approach and to live this precious life with which you
are blessed.

-- Ralph Marston




In Sharing[DJ]
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/02/04
From: Dave J
Email: DBJ62961@AOL.COM

Last Day Gambled 5/24/03

Location ALBANY N.Y.

My Time Zone 10:50 PM EST

Comments:
Good Evening fellow Hubber friends...what awesome posts today...WOW!...((Sherry))Please keep sharing the good,bad and
ugly.....because miracles do happen and because "You" do matter! many of Todays posts remind me of a phrase that has stuck
in my head since I,ve been here at the Hub..."Take what you need and leave the rest" ((Carole))((Ruth))((Diana)) posted their
thoughts om f2f meetings and I,m so glad you did as I aggree.."Whatever works for You" as long as you work the 12
steps..Many of you know that In the almost 8 months of my recovery,I have yet to go to a f2f meeting.Although I have almost
every piece of GA literature and truly surrendered after 24 years of %#*&%^%*@ ...Does this make me NOT IN RECOVERY?
Does this mean I,m NOT truly working the 12 steps? Well maybe I am doing it all wrong? I respect many of you Alumni here so
if I,m wrong? Please tell me why... "My Heart says" "Its working" And I do know that many of you have made a difference in
my Recovery...You may say to me cyber hugs are not real!...ok..that may be technically true,but the love I have felt here over
the past several months has been priceless ((Vicki)) Dont let anyone tell you otherwise...Do what you think is right..."Follow
Your Heart" BRAVO TO((Sandra)) Just love your determined Spirit...Thanks for listening to me and keep the Faith my
Friends...Ybir Dave J
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/02/04
From: Nut 1

Comments:
Nut 1 here again...gambling cracked me up...sure did, but no more Those stupid machines.... pretending to be my
friends...with their addictive games...fish to reel in, and presents to open...and then whammo...all my credits are gone, and I'm
stuffing more money into them, so they can help me to forget my troubles...never enough money in the world to do that
though...problems always waiting to greet me when I get home, so this nut is working the 12 steps....and connecting with
other nuts...all different kinds of nuts...cashews, walnuts, you name it, and one happy nut am I....knowing those machines
were like giant nut crackers....so this nut can finally be safe.... See ya all later
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/02/04
From: Shawn N.
Email: shawnrn@cox.net

Last Day Gambled 8-8-93

Location Chula Vista, CA

My Time Zone 7:13 P.M. Pacific

Comments:
Good evening, Everyone. Post #2, We are finally getting the rain that has been promised all week. We really need the rain, but
hopefully it does not cause mudslides, from the fires that we had last Ocober. Football Bowl games have been on television all
day, and I have made myself too busy to watch them, I guess that is called progress. I was going to post earlier today, but
could not think of anything to write.

I do not know if I have much more to say, now. I do know that I have if nothing else, HOPE, and for that I am grateful. I know,
at the end of my gambling days, and when I first started going to Gamblers Anonymous, all I thought about was getting into
the action again. I had urges for the first 2 years that I did not gamble, well the urges are long gone. In fact, I was telling
another GA member not too long ago, if I decided to gamble, I am not even real sure where I would do it. I do not think of
gambling, at all, it does not even cross my mind. I will tell you that, I think often about how I can help my neighbor, or what
service I can do for a friend.

My wife is leaving on Sunday afternoon. She does not know it yet, but she is booked into a spa for 3 days here in San Diego. I
talked her sister into picking her up on Sunday, she really needs to get away. I am going to have 3 fun filled days with the kids,
should be interesting. My wife is the drill instuctor, and I am the easy going one, so we will have a good time. My wife needs to
be pampered once in awhile.

I still am thinking that it is Saturday, I have really got my days screwed up, I wonder how I did that. I am going to try and
watch as much football as humanly possible. Have a great evening, Shawn from San Diego.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/02/04
From: sherry

My Time Zone east
Comments:
Thanks all for chat....really means alot for you all to listen..but I have athick head..hope you all can ahndle that..congrat
leslie..and thank for cards..mean alot..you all mean alot ((((thank you))) need you all right now and probably more to help
me..going to check into a few things,,going to try
Sherry
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/02/04
From: sandra R

Last Day Gambled june 04 02

Location Woodstock Ontario Canada

Link URL (Addy) sarlands@rogers.com

My Time Zone EST ANYTIME ODAAT

Comments:



GOOD EVENING ALL RCG'S ,,,,,ME AGAIN.

This am I posted ,It was all about pain bubbling to the surface and bringing it out to a loved one.And I also stated it created a
"War Zone".The pain included this loved one (hubby).It was time to be addressed.It was about me and how I had burried my
feelings of resentment towards him and the move to this area .It became worse when a tragic accident happened which created
in me the "no wonder" it happened I shouldn't have moved .

I hated it.And I believe I moved away from him and God.I never forgave self for my part in the move.And I never took
responsiblity for my part,and when in July of 1991 another vehicle driven by a fellow lost control and hit my school bus( thank
God) no passengers ,it left me injured and 22 months to recover.Shortly after returning to work 2 jobs (not shchool bus)my
nice shiny black car ,purchased by myself was destroyed .Hubby was driving ;but not his fault .This car represented my
independence,from my previous marriage and into a new career after attending college at the age of 37.Was I hurt,angry,?how
could I be .,,,,,,,
That night I went to bingo,and won .Then I went again 4 days later and won again .That was the beginning of the end. For 4
solid years I gambled every day until 1997.

I had developed some character's while gambling .The lies,nothing was said of interest,I wasn't interested.I had crossed the
line shortly after into bingo.

This post is about the amends process.The awakening of yesterdays thoughts and the realization of my part .," I have made my
Amends ".In doing so Clarity of that time was restored ,to him and to self.The move and all the feelings.anger at self.And I am
sorry for keeping that ,my behaviour must have reflected that in our relationship;but like I shared in this a,m post ,it hadn't
surfaced with courage to come out .Higher power made it his time.Amen.

This I share with you ,it is only a small saga in the life of "this rcg" and is an ongoing process.For I have succumbed 4 times
;since comintg into the program with this illness that lay in wait .Now it can wait til the frost freezes over "hell" .I am into
Recovery "

IT NOT ONLY ROCKS IT ROLLS AND THIS PROGRAM GIVES ME THE AGILITY TO GO WITH THE FLOW.

A sister's Amends .Is nice to take responsiblity and doesn't hurt .Sandra R (gams5)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/02/04
From: sherry
Email: sputnam1@cox.net

Last Day Gambled 1/1/04

My Time Zone eastern

Comments:
Hi everyone....not going to say much right now..still feeling bad and scared...I had to say THANK YOU to everyone for reaching
out to me..I can not promise anything to anyboday right now, about what is going to happen to me. Would love to say I am
going to try..but I just do not know. (((joni))) Thank you for trying to get me to see all the good...but i have to feel it and I
honestly don't. I just feel nothing..and if your are going to live life feeling nothing...then I have tokep asking myself..why live?
thank you ((((leslie))
(((dave j)))......((everyone))
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/02/04
From: Leslie

Comments:
Thank you so much (((((ALL)))) for your warm congratulations on my 60 days....It feels really good to be in recovery, and
know I sound like a broken record about that, but it so does..and as our dear ((((Carole and Ruth)))shared...each path of
recovery may be different, but if taken with love and an open heart, than we surely will all be able to find peace and unity ..and
kill the beast...as one we are powerless, but together we can do it ...well, bye for now...see you soon Ysir, Leslie
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/02/04
From: Charlie K.

Last Day Gambled March 31, 1997

Location Ajijic, Mexico

My Time Zone CST 16:40

Comments:
Hi sisters and brothers. I'm Charlie K., a compulsive gambler. I'm grateful for the simple gifts in life that come from the
awareness, acceptance, and value of following the principles of the GA fellowship and the 12 -step program of recovery. Thanx
to AA and its founders for the development of that 12-step program. Ann and I are leaving Houston on Sunday and heading
back to our home in Ajijic, Mexico. I'm grateful for the doctors and their staffs in Guadalajara and in Houston for their efforts in
saving Ann's life. Her work is not done as she will have to do a lot of rehabilitation work once we arrive home. I'm also grateful
for the fellowship and love I received from the GA members in Houston , Texas. I'm truly blessed. Love and ((((((HUGS))))),
Charlie K.[hipookies@yahoo.com]
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/02/04
From: Okiemaw
Email: okiehome@duracom.net

Last Day Gambled 7/24/03

Location Oklahoma
My Time Zone CST

Comments:
Hi (((((ALL))))) !! Hope everyone had a safe and inspiring start to this new year. I feel compelled to comment on some things
that have been posted here the last couple of days. To help you understand my comments I need to tell some of my story. This
may be a long one, so be prepared to engage "scroll bar". I bottomed out with my addiction last January. I didn't even realize it
was an addiction until one night, in total desperation and entertaining suididal thoughts, my HP led me to this website. I really
believed that my depression had driven me over the edge to insanity. I clicked on a few links from the homepage and found the
"20 Questions". I read them and answered "YES" to 17 of them. I was overwhelmed with relief just to know what was
happening to me. I found the link to the GA webpage and "hotline" numbers. When I called I was told to get my sorry butt to a
GA meeting as soon as possible. That recovery and support was available through this program. Well, the closest one I found in
Oklahoma was over a hundred miles away. In response to the statement some GA members have made, that we would be
willing to travel that far to gamble; others might, but not me. My gambling was done on the internet from my home computer
and a couple of Indian casinos within 20 miles of home. In my three year gambling career I never travelled any farther than
that. I also didn't have enough money left to pay for the gas to get to that meeting then, so to stay alive I became a very
grateful member of this wonderfully compassionate and knowledgeable Hub family. It did save my life !! I found my first
sponsor here and he taught me how to work the steps and much more. It was suggested that I make any local 12 step group
meetings, too, so I finally mustered the courage to walk into the Narcotics Anonymous f2f meeting room. I have never had a
drug addiction, so I took advice given here at the Hub and still take what I can use and try to leave the rest. In response to the
post regarding the "Combo" book and page 17, I got my first copy of it here at the Hub. So have many other recovering cgs.
Links to the "Combo" book and other GA literature are available for all to use. Regular meetings are held in the chat room here
every week according to GA guidelines. Page 17 does not specify "f2f" meetings. I am a true believer that the Combo book is
an awesome GA recovery tool. I even wrote a poem about it on this website awhile back. I have also found that for my
recovery to grow I need the f2f meetings, so I've stayed connected to the NA group and my HP made it possible for me to start
a GA group in my area. In my opinion this does not mean that everyone needs them to work for and maintain recovery or grow
in the program. Some of us have extenuating circumstances that make it a hardship or just impossible to get to meetings, but
they have proved that recovery can be accomplshed here at the Hub if the situation calls for it. Most of them have impressive
"clean time". More than me anyway. They have shown more integrity with their recovery journey than some I have met in the
f2f rooms. I applaud you (((((ALL))))) and I thank you for helping me get where I am supposed to be, just for today. It seems
to me that what venue we use to work the program shouldn't be as important as the fact that we DO WORK it.
That's just my 2 cents. For what it's worth.
(((((Milestoners))))) WTG ! Celebrate YOU ! .. (((((Newcomers))))) Welcome and thank you... (((((Charlie P))))) I know there is
a special place reserved for you in Heaven. Love and hugs to all !!... YSIR... Diana G
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/02/04
From: Cindy
Email: louisiana_jane@yahoo.com

Last Day Gambled 12/28/03

Location Regina, Saskatchewan

Link Name Cindy

Comments:
As a newcomer I just have to say that meetings have gotten me through some pretty tough evenings and gchub has gotten me
through some difficult afternoons. It's been a tough 6 days for me but I can now see I'm not alone. For the first time in years I
see a light in my future. Thanks to those who have chatted with me in my hours of need.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/02/04
From: CG Hub

Comments:
Congrats to todays milestones.
Howie C 8-2-71
Theresa P 3-2-02
Earl C 5-2-87
Juanita B 5-2-99
Forbis_Sue 8-2-99
Ken V. 3-2-00
Sue H 8-2-00
Jim J. 4-2-01
Diana N. 7-2-01
Yvonne F 11-2-01
Denise D. 12-2-01
Linda M. 3-2-02
Andrea K. 4-02-02
Ricky W. 4-2-02
Patsy H 5-2-02
Jack R 5-2-02
Jim A 7-2-02
Rose F 8-2-02
Dean W 09-02-02
M. A. 12-02-02
EmJay 5-2-03
Linda C 09-02-03

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/02/04
From: Charlie P

Comments:
Charlie P here webmaster. THe Hub Server which handles our LDG program ate it self last nite and I am not sure what data was
lost on it. I do apologize for this setback. Geez, 10 steps forward and 100 back!

I will post the Old LDG dates til we can straighten the mess out.

YBIR
Charlie P
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/02/04
From: sasha

Last Day Gambled Sasha list update this weekend

Comments:
Hello Hub Family: As it is very important to me to acknowledge each and every one of you, old and new, I will be updated the
Hugs and Prayers list. As I am an imperfect creature, please post anyone you think I may have missed...I hope I don't miss
anyone, but if I do---I will get you on the list and send our triple the hugs and prayers. Love, Mels
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/02/04
From: sasha

Comments:
I mean I have NOT been posting lately, but reading a lot more often :-)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/02/04
From: sasha

Last Day Gambled 4/10/03

Comments:
Hello Hub Family: Happy New Year and to a gamble free year to all. I have been posting, however I do come in to check on the
famliy and NEW COMERS. Welcome to you all!! Busy trying to moving into a better position and new company. I have been
interviewing as I work full time. Part of me feels a little guilty for lookiing, but I know in the end, it will be better for me and my
currently employer if I move on. The fit is not great for me although they are getting more then they asked for. Time to move
on. I am working on a great opportunity right now. Not sure how it will turn...do not want to Jinx it. Please send me any
positive thoughts you can.:-) I hope everyone is doing well. I think about you all daily...literally because the thought of
gambling does enter ones mind with casino ads, lottery's, etc. being on the airwaves, TV and billboards!! Miss you all. Lots of
love and positive thoughts going out your way!! Mels
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/02/04
From: jaybird
Email: srchief@prodigy.net

Last Day Gambled 1/11/01

Location port angeles, pa

My Time Zone recovery zone

Comments:
morning happy new year, ybir jaybird. will post later love ya all thanks for all the es and hope you have all given me this year.
very greatfull for that which has been so freely given, will post more later. love ya all
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/02/04
From: RUTH

Comments:
Way to go Leslie. and way to go to all of you milestoners. Weather we are an oldie, newbie or detourer. Weather we are a f2f
12 stepper, a cyber stepper, an atheist, an independent. weather we consider this a spiritual journey or an necessary journey
our common ground is that we are compulsive gamblers and our compulsive gambling caused(is causing ) us a great deal of
pain. We come to this site to freely express, to others like us, our pain, fears setbacks and goals. Much of my growth has come
from listening to others share their pain and triumph.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/02/04
From: VB

Comments:
I'm going into the chat room for a bit...anyone want to join me???

Vicki B
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/02/04
From: Vicki B

Comments:
Carole, loved your post. I agree that being accepted just as I am is comforting. Sometimes I realize that I am not accepting
myself, then I have difficulty in accepting others just as they are. Hopefully, I will learn from my mistakes, and not keep
repeating the same ones over and over again!
Wishing everyone a day of acceptance!
Hugs,
Vicki
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/02/04
From: Carole

Comments:
(((Leslie)))) 2 months and such a bright star here, fabulous to have you aboard...love, Carole
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/02/04
From: Carole
Email: carolehub@hotmail.com

Last Day Gambled march 6/2002
Location british columbia canada

My Time Zone pacific

Comments:
ITS A NEW DAY!!! Carole here recovering compulsive gambler, and ((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))to all dealing with
soooooooooo much pain...this too shall pass..with the help of your HP, friends,psycological help(I sure have needed plenty of
therapy)...and know what I am saying. The Hub has been such a source of inspiration and support to me, and many of you
have heard this over and over again...I have yet to meet a "dumb" or "stupid" person here, misguided, confused and sick from
the gambling, but alway intelligent. That being said, surely all coming here will choose the right path for HIM or HER..no need
to jam any particular way down their throat...let their words be heard, listen, respond kindly and let the hurting
person...choose...sometimes, some people who post come off like church elders...do this, do that, I personally have always
RUN the other way, I make up my own mind what I need to do...the person who speaks with love gets my
vote..always...sooooooooo...let us speak with love, and see how much further that gets us...rules and instructions are simply
too confusing when a person is deepling hurting..amen..have a great day all...I plan on that too...and by the way I am the
person who posted the reflection..love the reflections, as I love all books and things full of hope and love..ysir, Carole
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/02/04
From: Michelle

Comments:
((Leslie)) Congrats on 2 months! Sooper Dooper!
I feel so damn good this morning!
Did my workout tape and showered and dressed and picked up a few things from the store and then went to bank and
withdrew 1000 bucks. I sent my Major credit card debt 900 dollars and my minor credit card debt 100 dollars. Just feels WAY
good! Only 4 more months till I am debt free! *more cartwhells* feels good making a budget and actually sticking to it and to
not need a babysitter for my money anymore. *knock on wood*
You all have a good one! Congrats to ALL milestoners!
Michelle
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/02/04
From: Reflection for Jan.2

Comments:
Before I came to the ga program, I hadnt the faintest idea what it was to live in the NOW. I often came obessed with things
that happened yesterday, last week, or even five years ago. Worse yet, many of my waking hours were spent cleaning away
the WRECKAGE of the future...To me..Walt Whitman once wrote "every hour of the day and night is an unspeakably perfect
miracle"

Can I truly believe that in my heart?

TODAY I PRAY

Let me carry only the weight of twenty-four hours at one time, without the extra bulk of yesterday's regrets or tomorrow's
anxieties. Let me breathe the blessings of each new day for itself, by itself, and keep my human burdens contained in daily
perspective. May I learn the balance of soul that comes through keeping close to God.

TODAY I WILL REMEMBER

Don't borrow from tomorrow.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/02/04
From: LloydT

Comments:
Two more shares for our group:

The other night at my Wednesday meeting I almost fell off my chair as I read page17 with the group. You know how auto-
programmed I am when reading the combo book? Like many others, I seem to have the darn thing memorized and often go on
auto-pilot. Well, as the chair asked me to read, I was at Item#6 on pg 17 and it has been re-written! I thought I was off-kilter
or something. I looked at the edition and it was revised 10/03. Just goes to remind me that I need to stay on my toes!!

This topic of Applause was shared with me by Frank M., and old time (and instrumental) member of the Cleveland area. I
thought it would be nice to share. He tells me many jokes and also of how it was in the program in the '60s and '70s. He shared
with me this piece of literature on the topic of "Applause"

"Applause is an important part of the meeting; it adds spark and enthusiasm. It tells the GA member who may have made
great effort to speak before the group, 'We are with you! Good Work!' We have rarely seen an enthusiastic applauder go back
to gambling. Once we heard a highly successful member say, "I can't make much of a speech, but when it comes to applauding
the other person, I have no peers!"

With that, I wish I had ((Sashas List)) so that I could applaud each on of you!! Keep posting, keep going to meetings. And keep
coming back.

Regards, LloydT

(p.s. The topic of the Serenity Prayer was also on my mind and I'm wanting to share that too. The voice in my head is telling
me, "Lloyd, you don't have to overdo it today. Save some shares for another day and keep coming back."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/02/04
From: 14 ways to avoid a slip...

Comments:
01 ) PICK UP THE PHONE. Try calling someone with alot of Sobriety Time.

02 ) GET TO A MEETING. Drag the body to a meeting, even if you don't want to Go.

03 ) TAKE THE FIRST STEP. Remind yourself that we were powerless and that our lives had become unmanageable - (list the
specifics of "How it was.").

04 ) GET AN INTERIM SPONSOR. Reach out for "Help" ! ( All you have to do is Ask. ).

05 ) READ THE LITERATURE. It can tie you over, when others are out of reach, and it will always be there for you, and it'll
deepen your "Program".

06 ) READ YOUR PLAN. Remembering your Goals, helps make them Attainable.

07 ) POSTPONE THE SLIP. At least until after you talk to someone else. You can always act out tommorrow. Take it hour by
hour or minute by minute if you have to. ( "This too shall pass.")

08 ) PRAY. Even if you don't understand the Concept, ask your higher power for "Help", ( Just do it - be willing.).

09 ) BREAK THE OLD HABITS. Replace old behavior with ( "Healthy New Activities" ).
10 ) 90 IN 90. Ninety meetings in Ninety days is a great way to learn the meaning of ( "First things First" ).

11 ) DEEP BREATHING. If panic sets in, give your body a chance to recover. Addiction has a Physical component and even
centering your breath can help lessen the urge.

12 ) BECOME WILLING. Open your mind to giving up the slip - Just for Today. Willingness is action. Where there is action, there
is hope. Where there is hope, there is a "Future".

13 ) THINK THE SLIP THROUGH. Where has it always led in the past ? Isn't it insanity to believe that "this time" will be
Different ?

14 ) ACCEPTANCE. Accept that you are an Addict. Don't blame yourself for wanting to Slip, But don't give in to it, either.
[In Sharing This Wisdom That Has Been Freely Given, VB]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/02/04
From: 12 Steps To Destruction...

Comments:
01 ) Admitted to everyone that I could stop gambling on my own, and that I am the Master of my Life.

02 ) Believed and argued that I was sane and rational in every respect.

03 ) Decided to run my own life and addiction, and be successful in all my undertakings.

04 ) Made a Thorough searching inventory of my family, relatives, society, and God (or whatever you choose to call God.), and
found them all lacking something.

05 ) Admitted to no one, including myself, that there was anything wrong with me.

06 ) Was entirely ready at all times to blame everything on everyone, other then myself.

07 ) Continually told my [husband] and family of their shortcomings.

08 ) Made a list of all persons that had harmed me, and swore never to forgive them.
09 ) Got even with such people whenever possible, except when to do so would further injure me.

10 ) Continued to find faults with the world and the people in it, and when I was right, promptly admitted it.

11 ) Sought through stealing, lying, and cheating to improve my addiction, praying only for the stuff to be good and not get
burned.

12 ) After having had a complete financial, moral and physical breakdown, as a result of this kind of living, I tried to tell
everyone how hard I have tried to be a good [woman] and continue to practice these reasonings in all my affairs.
[In Sharing With Laughter and Yet Identification, VB]


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/02/04
From: Deb
Email: debbies_music@hotmail.com

Last Day Gambled 4/14/01

Location Denver, CO

Comments:
Deb here and I am a rcg...nice to see ya Don C...miss ya buddy..a BIG CONGRATS to everyone today with milestones. Well the
old year passed & the new has begun..woke yesterday to find my plate still full & the emotions still ahd to be faced. Thanks so
much to my special friend in the prigram, who shared yesterday..you know who you are. Your words rang so ture & I just
needed to hear someone else say what I try to remember myself..as we talked I felt tears flowing & although my heart was
breaking at times I do have to say I believe it was in a wonderful way..realize that I as so afraid not to be strong..not just in
the eyes of others but also in God's eyes..afraid to ask for help & allow anyone the oportunity to help mostly because when I
have reached out to others, they have left me down..I guess I have become a hard sheeled person with a heart that doesn't
match..had a little share with hubby yesterday, and although I feel I didn't say everything I could have, I do have to say that I
feel alittle better about some things...just seems so much of my life is in someone esles hands and depends on how the handle
different things..I have no problem handing things some things over to God and have come to a place with my faith I never
thought possibly, but just can't seem to get pass the point of worry. I know I have to take better care of myself & allow those I
love to grow through their mistakes & personal successes..but also so afriad of where some of their paths might take me..just
don't know how I might handle anymore stress right now. I cannot hide the fact that I am depressed..health issues are a big
part of that I know (some I have shared, others are just too personal)..I often don't get dressed for days, smoke too much,
have neglected the house work from time to time..so easy to slip into that "I don't care" world. Have been having gambling
dreams lately and wake up feeling so alive...not a good feeling I know, but a little voice inside my head says "hey, feel it where
ever you can find it"...doesn't sound good..I hate it but love it all at the same time. So today just going to pay attention to me,
be aware of myself, get dressed and run some errands...a start. Well think I've rambled enough for this morning..smiles, hugs
& prayers to all. ysir, Deb
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/02/04
From: Lloyd T.
Email: kislloydt@yahoo.com

Last Day Gambled not today!

Location Brecksville OH

Comments:
Good morning hubbers. First, I'd like to thank those that responded with experiences with making amends. I too have a good
friend who gave me the AA big book and I too believe that it explains it in a way the GA "Working the Steps Pamphlet" does
not. So thanks you for reminding me. The part from the BB exerpt that always gets me is:

"Remember that when we came to the program that we agreed that we would go to any length to recover."

I'm sure I paraphrased, and I apologize, but I definately get the message. I need to be reminded that I agreed to go to ANY
length, not just the lengths (principles) that best suit LloydT.

And those Promises...aren't they something?

I ask our hub community to share whith us their experience of the Promises. Please, share with us some hope today--in that
working the steps we will know a new happiness. Thanks for listening, I'll be back. Lloyd

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/02/04
From: Tess
Comments:
((((Leslie)) congratulations on 2 months...way to go!!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/02/04
From: CathyH
Email: cathy0457@rogers.com

Last Day Gambled 12/29/03

Location Ontario

Comments:
Good morning to you all. Not quite sure how I'm feeling this morning, not bad, not good - somewhere in between. Not going to
gamble today though.

My son will be at his dad's all weekend, and I'm looking foward to getting the tree down and packing away the decorations. Will
be attending my first GA meeting on Saturday. As that day draws nearer, I'm getting nervous about it, but will not back out - I
will be there! I'm also looking forward to doing some reading and meditation. The weekends my son is gone is usually when I
get into trouble with the gambling, but I have been doing something that's worked for me in the past, and that is pushing the
thoughts out of my mind when they pop up. It's difficult sometimes, but if I try hard, it works.

The posts lately have been great. I get so much out of reading them. Thank you all for sharing your struggles and your
triumphs. Congrats to all reaching milestones, and hugs to all who had slips over this difficult time of year (including me).

Have a great gamble-free day.

ysir
CathyH

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/02/04
From: Don C.
Email: vze22k77@verizon.net

Last Day Gambled 10-13-03
Location Dalton, Massachusetts

My Time Zone EST

Comments:
Good morning wonderful brothers and sisters whom share this insanity that I have also wrestled with for years. My name is Don
C., and I am a compulsive gambler continuing to find my recovery path. As you can see by my date, I am a newbee. I do have
a lot of time in this fine program of recovery, and I have gained much wisdom over time. The trick is to use it each and every
day, not just when I want to. Never quit quiting is my motto.

After reading today's posts, I have a few thoughts I would like to share. I hope you don't mind.
I read that some cannot get to F@F meetings for one reason or another. Well, I felt that way in the very beginning too. I would
have to drive 50 minutes to the closest meeting, and I felt that it was just too far. However if anyone asked me to drive to the
nearest casino, which is 2.5 hours away, I would go anytime. If I could do that with this disease, why can't I drive one third of
the time to get the medicine I needed? Well, I eventually did and ended up being very happy that I did.

The other thought I had today was a mentioning of a meeting being very small and few members attending. Small is good too!
It only takes one other CG to have a meeting, and it does work that way too! I have attended many small meetings during my
longer periods of abstinence. These are just thoughts I was having as I read through today's postings and I wanted to share
them with anyone who may need them.

I have a peacefulness about me today. I am still struggling with the financial burdens from my actions like many of you out
there. I do know that I am in another rebuilding mode of my own personal recovery journey. I just have to remember that
when things get back to a stable place, I must watch out for that voice in my head. It(The Beast)is up there sitting silently and
weight training, getting stronger with each day, just waiting for me to be in that place of vulnerability once again. It's always
going to be there. We must learn to silence the voice and recognize it when it starts to speak to us again. Each day of recovery
helps to put up sound proofing in the brain.

Well that's all I got for this day. Know that each of us is worth the effort of recovery. It is a simple program, not an easy one.
Just don't gamble and go to meetings!
I send each of you my love and many BIG (((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))). YF+BIR; Don C.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/02/04
From: Leslie
Email: beetle444@comcast.net

Last Day Gambled 11/02/03

My Time Zone Eastern

Comments:
Just love this site...so do...meetings and/or the Hub...any way to recover...its all good...as they say "it works if you work it"
(((((smiles and hugs ALL)))))
my gambling was a symptom of deep rooted inner and outer struggles...as ((((Jay)))) shared...I escaped and escaped and
when I was done...oh my, problems still there..surprise, surprise...nothing solved...just made worse, cause I hated myself even
more ....so again and again I will say "SO very grateful for recovery" so am...and the caring that goes on here is just
awesome...so blessed to be a part of it all....this circle of love....so special to me...((((( Milestoners )))) way to go...as always,
your sister in recovery, Leslie
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/02/04
From: Michelle

Comments:
Morning Hubbers!
Roger went to work this morning!!! *cartwheels* he he
I gritted my teeth last night and slept in the bed with him was REAL hard to get to sleep and had to fight getting irritated at his
tossing and turning. But once to sleep was I alright. Been a long time simce I slept in my own bed, but sensed we need to be
togeather more. He is seeing a doctor before a lawyer on Tuesday and hopefully she will give him a mild sleeping pill so he has
a more sound sleep and is up less often and sleeps thru for more than 1 to 2 hrs a t a crack. Maybe when his divorce is over he
will sleep better too? It does put a damper on things. But got the sweetest email this morning about how it was nice for him to
wake up in a crowded bed (me and my doggie *grin*)
Smoking downstairs in basement and outside went over real well yesterday I cut from 3 pks to one pack yesterday.
Laundry today then sending kid to corner store wiht a few bucks so I can do my workout tape in peace.
Going down to smoke now, was nice to see so many in chat this morning.
HUGZ!
Michelle
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/02/04
From: Patty
Email: oconnorpatti@hotmail.com

Location Ireland

Comments:
Good Day All,
Welcome to the newcomers....keep coming back...this is a great place for us people who have been affected by the gambling
problem.....This is a brand new year and a brand new day....
The Senerity Prayer is mentioned here this morning...that kept me going for two years in the programme ...I kept saying it
over and over again until I could really understand it...there is so much in that simple prayer....God grant me the Senerity to
accept the things I cannot change...."taught me I can't alter the past,neither what was done to me not what I did to
others"......Courage to change the things I can...."instructed me to change my attitudes and resentments,my self pity and my
fears".....
Wisdom to know the differnce...."gave me hope that I could change for the better".....
This is from my daily meditations book hope for T-day
This first month of the year I shall be working on the first step and the senerity prayer.....each month of the year I do a step
and the amazing thing after 11 years of doing this.....something new breaks through each month......I continue to learn about
ME...this is a gentle programme and we all grow at our own pace...to me this is wonderfull......and hope to continue on this
Spiritual journey.....
Have a great Day all...
Patty.....
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/02/04
From: Jay L.
Email: jaylaz123@hotmail.com

Last Day Gambled November 5, 2000.

Location Arizona

My Time Zone 7:07 am MST

Comments:
Good morning, everyone! This program continues to remind me that change is the one constant that I can always rely upon.
One of things that I liked when I was gambling was the lack of any kind of change (or growth for that matter) in my life. Sure,
my life got progressively worse, but the progression was so gradual and my head was so buried into my addiction that I didn't
see much going on around me anyways. I'm afraid of change, especially when I don't know what the future holds. This program
teaches me how to not only expect change, but also to accept change with open arms and embrace it. Change is often growth,
albeit painful at times. I've learned that by staying close to my meetings and my 12 Steps (with my sponsor), I can use my
ever changing world to enhance my growth, strength and self-esteem instead of the letting change throw me into fits of fear
and self-pity. These are hard lessons to learn for this compulsive gambler who hadn't a clue how to live life before embracing
the Gamblers Anonymous program. My compulsive gambling was but only a symptom, I had to get down to the root causes. Oh
yes, one more thing. I'm considering the cancellation of my internet service at home because it seems that I waste a great deal
of time in front of the computer in the mornings when I get up and there's quite a few other, more productive things I can do to
start my day, and sometimes I even do them. I get free high-speed service at school and in the library, so why pay $50 per
month for something I can get free at school. I don't know? Have a great day everyone and thanks for listening.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/02/04
From: Vicki B
Email: human53@yahoo.com

Last Day Gambled 09/27/03...changing date to 01/01/04

Location Michigan

My Time Zone est, 8:27 a.m.

Comments:
Good Morning CGHub Family. Vicki here, another compulsive gambler who is identifying with the shares here. Yes, I am
powerless over gambling and my life is unmanageable. I can identify with the emotional relapse statement too, Rich. Yesterday
I was reacting in fear and despair to those things I can not change. I inflicted my negativity onto the people around me, and on
my daughter thru a phone call. I have decided to change my last date bet to 01/01/2004. So I am starting the New Year with
the new resolve to work GA 12 and 12 daily, in all my affairs. I will not gamble today. I will deal with my emotions TODAY. I
hope to go to a GA meeting in Warren tonight. Hope to see some of the GA rocks and see some new comers too...(((Chris))).

Wishing each of you a great TODAY!

I am going into the chat room for about 15 min., if anyone would like to join me.

Sending love, hugs, and prayers to any who are in need.
YSIR,
Vicki B
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/02/04
From: kim

Comments:
kim aka privy,thank u dave for your posting,can be confusing sometimes to know if one is pouting or sulking or just
grieving,main thing is to be feeling and dealing once again lol, after all thats how we became gamblers,by not doing so. Believe
it can be so much harder for men,to do so, all the socialization that sends a clear message to men. Would love so much to see
rob, sharing as u are able to odat, he can pout sulk cry anything and that would be okay with me. Whatever it takes. Well i was
awake at 6 a.m. today got a list before me of calls and steps to take,urgent matters at hand. thanks to the hub again for all
your support.Funny, no urges to gamble again today none,feeling,weary but no longer consumed with fear, what a
relief,Realized,one really has to pace oneself in recovery,Everyone has to take their steps when their ready for them. I was so
stuck when i woke up. Destruction everywhere, no relief in sight pressure,made me slip,twice. I kept thinking its too bad
gamblers tend to stop ofcourse when they (run out of gas as Scott likes to say)i refer to it as money but it really is gas. Cause
here u are shipwrecked, emotionally, spiritually physically exhausted and broke. Go find money try to win more money as
waking up to consequences so overwhelming. Vicious cycle,anyhow no short cuts here, no more covering up, hiding,
juggling,running,chasing money,not an option anymore. Thanks to joni,scott,gams jim r,michelle,cathy H, Kathy, rich r,
slm,gin,pari,vicki b, LOST again and Found, dave,Jay L,Jaybird,Brklynlady,genek,gee and i wonder why i feel overwhelmed, met
so many amazing new people,in such a short period of time, sure i have forgotten to mention some. However, it will come to
me, In my awakening,i realized even my poor bunny rabbit"dude" has been neglected. Do u think they have alabunny
meetings, or gammabunny meeting?lol,oops add that to my list, give bunny hugs today,so nice to have my sense of humor
slowly creeping back into me,No more crying in my slot machine(metaphor for no more crying in my beer)lol.ual world,Lesson
of today, although it is important to look at within ourselves first, the other half must always be monitored, so important, like a
barometer,otherwise down one slides,down that slippery slope,of action and reaction. So looking forward to taking action right
now, extremely tired, however,hope has now replaced powerlessness,peace is slowly replacing fear,the rush is gone and been
replaced by a sudden calm. The uncertainty that comes with a bet,has been replaced with a certainty,that i will get there,at my
own pace,taking on only what i know i can handle and that would be what god hands me. As much as we are all addicts, we are
also, all individuals with individual personalties,circumstances,limitations and capabilities,Unique individuals,with our own map
we must follow,thanks to the hub,for helping me get behind that wheel again,back on the road i must travel. Please all of you
keep posting as i will be busy and not able to meet as much on the hub. Reality awaits,no more time left,cannot
procastanate,posts give me strength lol kim aka privy looking forward to 2004 come what may,Wishing you all good things in
this new year,new beggings,perhaps who knows however i hope to hear from u about it. The good the bad or the ugly.thanks
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/02/04
From: sandra R

Last Day Gambled june 04 02

Location Woodstock Ontario Canada

Link URL (Addy) sarlands@rogers.com

My Time Zone EST ANYTIME ODAAT

Comments:
GOOD MORNING ALL RCG'S

"THE HUB CHAT AND POST BOARD AND FRIENDS I HAVE
MET SINCE ;OCTOBER 21-03 HAVE RESTORED MY THINKING AND BROUGHT HARMONY INTO MY LIFE,MY HIGHER POWER
DIRECTED ME HERE.I WAS AT A LOW AND WAS SUGGESTED TO DO SOMETHING FOR SANDRA .

"I ATTEND A WEEKLY MEETING WHEN WEATHER IS PERMITTING ,WHEN NOT !!!!!!!AT HOME ,ON PHONE IF PEOPLE ARE
AVAILABLE.I HAVE ALWAYS READ LITERATURE AND WROTE OUT BLOCKS OF TIME IN MY POEMS OF MY LIFE .AND RELIVE
EACH PAINFULL TIME AND DISCLOSE WHAT KEEPS ME FROM ENJOYING THE MOMENT.THAT I SHARE ,AND HAVE GROWN
FROM.NO LONGER THE VICTIM OF THE PAST .AND EACH BUBBLE THAT SURFACES I MEET WITH GRACE ,IN KNOWING IT IS MY
HIGHER POWER TELLING ME IT IS TIME TO UNCOVER .IS WHO I TRUST FIRST AND TOGETHER WE WORK WITH HIS
COURAGE,THEN I SHARE WITH OTHER HUMAN BEING,CAUSE MY HIGHER POWER DOES NOT WANT ME TO KEEP TO SELF ,HE
WANTS ME TO GIVE TO ANOTHER TO MAKE THEIR SHAME LESS BY MY TESTIMONY,AND THEN I SHARE WITH THE WHOEVER I
MEET.IN GIVING I OPEN THE DOOR SO OTHERS CAN RELATE.IN RECIEVING I FEEL COMFORTED (VALIDATED).

IT HAS NOT BEEN AN EASY ROAD ;AND MY HIGHER POWER HAS KNEW THAT .FOR YEARS SECRETS WERE BETWEEM ME AND
HIGHER POWER.NOT TODAY HE HAS RESTORED ME .HE HAS GIVEN ME PEOPLE TO TALK TO.,,,,,,,AND THE COURAGE AND THE
LOVE.MY INSIDES WHICH WERE ALWAYS IN TERMOIL(MIND)WERE TO BE SHARED.I SUFFERED MORE BY KEEPING LOCKED IN
AND AFTER WHEN SHARED WITH ANOTHER HUMAN BEING .I FOUND IT WAS MY FEAR OF JUDGEMENT (MINE)NOT THE
PERSON WHO LISTENNED.IN DOING SO I BECAME STRONG ALTHOUGH I WAS FEELING VUNERLABLE AFTER DISCLOSING
SOMETHING OF A PERAONAL NATURE AND FEAR OF IT COMING BACK AT ME .I LEARNED TO BE FEARFULL FOR TELLING
WRONG PEOPLE.
IN SHARING WITH ANOTHER RECOVERING PERSON THAT HIDDEN SHAME WAS NOT USED AGAINST ME .TRUST DEVELOPED .
TODAY I COME HERE WHEN I CAN ,TODAY I AM POSTING .TODAY HAVE STARTED ANOTHER CHAPTER IN MY LIFE AND
BUBBLING UP IS SOME PAIN THAT HAS BEEN BURRIED.I MET IT YESTERDAY ,AND FACED IT ,IT WAS VERBALISED TO WHO IT
WAS ABOUT AND MY RELATION WITH.

I AM POSTING THIS TO TELL YOU AM WALKING THROUGH WITH COURAGE ON SIDE AND PRAYERS .IT WAS GIVEN TO ME ,I
DID NOT GO LOOKING FOR AND I BELIEVE IT IS HIGHER POWER SAYING TO ME "IT IS TIME SANDRA TO GROW AND LET PAIN
OUT ."I KNOW HE IS WITH ME "

THIS AM HAVE TALKED TO HUSBAND ,SUBJECT CAME UP FROM HIS PAST .WE MET TOGETHER ,THROUGH MY SHARING WITH
HIM YESTERDAY (NOT EASY CAUSED THE WAR ZONE)WE ARE STRONGER.

SO MY HUBSTERS IN BEING HERE ,THIS RECOVERING COMPULSIVE GAMBLER HAS GROWN ,AND WITH THAT I WANT YOU TO
KNOW THAT COMING HERE AND ALSO ATTENDING A MEETING IS WONDERFULL;BUT IF UNABLE TO GET TO A MEETING
...PLEASE COME HERE......

TRUSTED SERVANTS REMEMBER WHEN .

THANKYOU FOR BEING HERE ''''HUBSTERS'''

A GRATEFULL SISTER .LOVE YOU .SANDRA R (GAMS5)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/02/04
From: Dave Of Beckenham
Email: gadaveuk@yahoo.com

Last Day Gambled 1992 August

Location Calgary

Comments:
My name is Dave I am a compulsive Gambler and will be till the day I DIE! I thank people for their very honest exposure of
them selves it is a sign of maturity. Obsessive is a word to describe all aspects of my life. I use to and still I have to even when
I mean in fact I want to or need to. I use to say I have to go to GA when in fact I want to and need to. I needed GA years ago
but was not able to admit it to myself. People who arrive in GA are scared and nervous and I found that people say you have to
do some thing is intimidating. My old habit was when told I had to do some thing I did opposite out of reaction. It took many
years to go to GA because I wanted to. Ifit was just money I lost in my Gambling it would ahve been cheap. But I lost far more
than that, I lost myself. I Lost my self respect and respect of those who loved me. I was a complete failure. I have found in GA
to stop the loneliness I felt about my life I needed to take part in my family life. TO pout into my home what I wanted out of it.
Put effort into doing house work. Help support my family in an emotional way. Not sherk responsability. Oh I will do that
tomorrow or soon. Yes sure Dave. Once in GA it was not on my list sorry. LOL. Financial awareness was a joke for me. Never
knew how we stood. Now some might call me OTT. Not lately though. I got into habit of once some thing was spent at end of
day enter it on spread sheet. It became a good habit. Credit cards bill have been shock lately to say the least. Oh no not
another grey hair? Belt down by 3 notches, Shirley is very pleased. Me I am so so happy. I knwo it will extend my life and my
joints. Managed to drop meds by a third here. Mind you last night in the WC loud speaker you would have not thought me a
healthy bunny. Cught this throat thing so far it has not pulled me down in spirit. Need to keep eye on physical well being as
usally it affects me emotinally. Stress crept in last few days I have to admit. Even a little panic. I think insecurety affected by
my uncertanty. Like many I feel vulnerable emotinally but do not run away like I use to. Often have quiet times when people
are not able to the real Dave. Not sulking as such just licking my emotional wounds. I bounce up far more easily in recent
years. In depth healing has helped for sure. Talking things out and communicating with my family helps so much you would not
believe it. In recent years Shirley has recognised she has child hood issues. But healing takes time. Once I was in GA in recent
years she startd to recognise parts of me of her father and she did not like that. The maniplulating part. Also the way I use to
and still do take the mickey when she is vulnerable. She takes it very personnal. I need to get far more wise to my intolerence
of other peoples feelings. The thing is I do care. But often sat the inapropriate thing. Well again if any thing I help resolve
insomnia issues. I do care here. We all deserve to heal ourselves and be in a better place emotinally than we use to be. Love to
all Dave .
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/02/04
From: rich r
Email: richr121500@yahoo.com

Last Day Gambled 12/15/00

Location detroit

Comments:
Good morning all you wonderful people you.

Especially Maryanne and Ian. Thanks for the advice Ian. In Detroit we have many, many GA meetings to chose from and I am
very very grateful for that fact. My home group (I've got the key) is Redford, which meets on Thursdays. I've also been to the
Jewish Community Center for the last 5 Tuesdays, so that is like a second home group for me lately. But, within a 30 minute
drive I can get to about 14 meetings each week. Isn't that awesome?

Having said all that I also believe in the power of the Internet. Like I said, I use it as a supplement to my face-to-face GA
meetings. I have to be honest with you tho. Last week when I experienced an emotional meltdown over some trivial thing, it
was CGhub that got me thru. I would have gone to the GA meeting in Livonia Monday night, but by 7pm the rage of my
'emotional relapse' (thanks for that term Bev) had subsided and I was able to go home and be with my wife. So, I know what
you are saying Ian. Without my 12+ years of continuously attending GA meetings, I probably would not have had the
soundness of mind Monday to pull out a piece of paper and write out about 15 things I could do to 'ease the pain'. Sure, some
of them were some form of using, e.g. I almost asked the guy who was smoking outside the library for a smoke because I knew
it would take away some of my stomach pain (I ALSO knew that one cigarette would be all it would take to relaunch my old
smoking career). However, the great benefit from all those face-to-face meetings was that most of the things to do on my list
were NOT using items. Maybe tomorrow I'll share my list. But, today I just want to say that my name is rich r and I am
powerless over gambling AND my life is (still) unmanageable. The date of my last gambling was 12/15/00 AND the date of my
last unmanageability was 12/29/03

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


Hub Posts Saturday 1/3/04
1/03/04
From: DKL Donnal
Email: red717@adams.net

Last Day Gambled 11/08/03

My Time Zone Eastern

Comments:
Feeling so much better today resentments not all gone but better isnt it wonderful what a short 24 hours will do makes you see
clearly how unimportant those resentments were could have destroyed my recovery in two or three hours at the damn
gambling boat what a fool i was to let that resentment build and feed on it could not stop days went on Now I know Im working
on change instead of letting those bad feelings fuel the fire Yes I am sick but working toward being a better person Every day
you Grow Recovery is not a an event but a process hope to recover and process daily asi stick with it everyday brings personal
growth Love to all DKL DonnaL
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/03/04
From: Tolerence

Comments:



"Hi my name is Tolerence.

It teaches me to listen without taking what is said personally.Is not an attack on me ;but may be a challenge to my serenity.Is
my serenity worth what I think is the right thinking .Is my way the right way.Personalities is what taught me and is still
teaching me .The program also teaches me to study the 12 unity steps ,werent they smart and clever dudes ah .They knew we
would have problems ,after all ,isn
t it our problems that led us here and into the 12 step program .,,,,

Here's and old saying .If thou throw salt on thee will thou be hurt "no" unless thou has sore spots
Amen,
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/03/04
From: donna millard

Last Day Gambled dec 31/03

Location ontario

Link Name donna

Comments:
Good morning hubbers, Today if the first day of my life, i did not gamble yesterday and i know i will not today,as i am doing
what i know has worked for several thousand of other rcg, asking my hp for help and reading my ga material, and mostly be
reaching out for help. I CAN NOT DO THIS ALONE, and i thank all of you for your support. (hugs Laa) you so inspire me and yes
i will use that word quite ofter now committment, there i said it, feel good Laa. Had a wonderful visit with my sister yesterday,
so nice to see her, we have not been that close but its NEVER TOO LATE to rekindle relationships with loved ones, so i learned
today.I was able to talk to her openly, sharing what i am feeling, sharing resentments and anger, just old baggage that i am
carrying,funny when you share this the other person had no idea, but can understand where you are coming from, and you can
both confort each other. She has recently moved within an hours drive from me. The house they purchased is being gutted and
when they are ready for me i will be there with brush in hand, right gams lol. My husband called today and signed off by saying
" ilove you", that is my hp working, blessing me with such a strong wonderful patient man, that i have truly humiliated several
times. I am not going to beat myself up, however it is good to type this information, it is therapeutic for me, helps me to be
reminded of what i have, what i need, what i dont want to lose. bye for now Donna
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/03/04
From: Carole

Comments:
Marie,do you know how to use the chat room..I will meet you there.ok
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/03/04
From: Marie

Last Day Gambled 01/03/04

Location Georgia

My Time Zone EST

Comments:
Carole - Bless you. You're right I am reaching out. I'm touched by your reply. I just posted a few minutes ago. You were up for
a reason and now you know what it was. I needed someone to hear me. Thank you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/03/04
From: Carole

Comments:
((((((((((((Marie)))))))))))))))) bless you..your post was heart renching, and YOU can do this ....I am a recovering compulsive
gambler, dictionary states that recover means to GET BACK or RECLAIM your life, and I have done that, day by day over the
course of almost 2 years...YOU are reaching out ....and that is the first step..there are hotlines you can call..they are open 24
hours a day, listed in the phone book...I am never on this late, having trouble sleeping so decided to come and snoop and I am
so happy I did..cause (((MARIE)))I am praying for you..right now..get to a phone call a crisis line, ga hot line,anything to help
you ok...Carole..
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/03/04
From: Marie

Last Day Gambled 01/03/04

Location Georgia

My Time Zone EST

Comments:
How can I possibly say I'm sorry and have him believe it? Again. I'm so ashamed of myself.

I feel empty inside. I have no friends. No outside interests. No hobbies. I feel worthless.

And the worst thing is, I've screwed up my marriage. I've hurt the man I love. Dear, God, I wish I could undo all I've done!!!

I've wasted a lot of money, but even more importantly, I've wasted his trust.

I'm going to stop gambling NOW... this minute.

I just won two casino accounts for $30, but I don't want them. I have a $500 cash-out coming next week and I will not gamble
it.

I need to do everything I can to recoup the monies I've lost. I'll sell anything I can. Nothing means as much to me as my
marriage.

I have to pull myself together and start living life again. Just "existing" is a miserable way to live. I don't like who I've become.
Right now, I hate myself.

I just pray that my husband will forgive me and give me a chance to make it up to him.

He'll be so hurt and angry, and I don't blame him. How could I hurt someone who is so good to me?
I need to figure out a way to fill the emptiness inside me. Gambling was just a constant distraction to keep me from feeling the
emptiness. It was like a drug. But it is killing me.

Dear, God, please help me.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/03/04
From: Sally D
Email: saje_de@yahoo.com

Last Day Gambled 12-31-98

Location Dallas, TX

Comments:
Take what you need and leave the rest. Everyone works his or her own program. Some people give unsolicited advice and it is
welcome, some people reject it as not applicable or desired. Neither is right or wrong. Ok, I am now done breaking my rule
about never commenting on someone else's sharing/posting.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/03/04
From: CONFUSED?

Comments:
WHOS RIGHT? JIM, IAN OR BOTH?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/03/04
From: reply for Ian

Comments:
maybe a good forum for you to post at would be onanonanonymous
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/03/04
From: Jim A.
Email: gr8_move@yahoo.com

Last Day Gambled January 23, 1996

Location Davison (City of Flags), Michigan

Comments:
Hello everyone,

My name is Jim A. and I am a compulsive gambler. I placed my last bet on January 23, 1996.

Thanks but NO THANKS for the unsolicited advice Ian!

"Inactive cgs", "recovering compulsive gamblers", ... or some other label or labels of yours ... who has given you the 'all
knowing - all seeing - authority' and unmitigated gall to speak for me?

Such rhetoric reminds me of some of the worst narcissistic, ego-driven personalities of an Intergroup meeting years ago when I
was not allowed to even speak! Literally! Please take your unsolicited advice to some other forum.

Thanks,

Enjoy the journey! Peace.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/03/04
From: Ian S
Email: ims1967@att.net

Last Day Gambled 12/18/97

Location Norcross, GA

Link Name ims1967

Link URL (Addy) ims1967@att.net
My Time Zone Eastern

Comments:
Ladies and Gentlemen,
I just want to toss my 2 cents in here because it is available and I want to give y'all some things to think about.
Consider yourselves as inactive cgs instead of recovering cgs. The recovery means that you are going to get cured which is not
true for this disease. You NEED to be careful not to get too complacent in everything that you do. If you get comfortable. you
open yourself up for traps and the right set of circumstances will kill you.

Also, Beware of your health, compulsive gambling has been proven to adrenalize and hype up your insides so that any illness
that you might have will grow exponentially and you will never know it.
In my own experience, I was diagnosed with kidney cancer and had to have my right kidney removed and I had NO symptoms.
My oncologist is extremely confident that my bad habits accelerated the growth of the tumor. This has not been proved
medically but many CGs that I know have had illnesses after long binges of gambling. Watch your health carefully!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/03/04
From: Tess
Email: twest1117@sbcglobal.net

Comments:
((((Michelle)))((((Tom)))) congratulations!!!

Well, here I am thinking again(not always a good thing for me ) and I have come up with some interesting insights about
myself and my struggle with this illness. I have spent the last 25 years of my life in a profession where I must think logically. I
develop project plans the are proactive not reactive. I hold meetings with staff going over and over the project plan down to
the most minute detail. Planning contingency plans, back-up plans, bench marking events down to the nano-second at times. It
works very well for me professionally. I think that for me and my addiction, that I am trying to put a square peg in a round
hole. So, I have decided that I am going to put a proactive project plan together for my compulsion to gamble, along with
contingency and back-up plans. I am going to try to work my recovery with my "mind-set". Yes, my HP will be in the Project
Plan and so will my f2f meetings, therapy, group therapy and the hub. I think that if I actually put the things I need to do into
Microsoft Project and go through my plan everyday that I might be able to work it this way. I know this sounds crazy, but I
need structure. I need to stick to a plan. Some of the smallest things set me off. For example, (and I know this sounds crazy) I
have to do things in the same order everyday. If I brush my hair before I brush my teeth in the morning I feel off-kilter. That is
just one small example of my OCD. Well anyhow I am going to keep trying and trying until I find my way. I will not surrender
to the "beast" inside of me. God, please help me surrender to you. Please help all my compulsive gambling friends who are
caught up in the grips of this horrible illness. Please help my sister with her struggle with alcoholism. Please help me to treat
myself with the same kindness and respect that I treat others with. Please help me to stay gamble free tomorrow. Amen.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/03/04
From: Michelle

Comments:
Hi all! Gonna get ready to go to my meeting.
Wanted to pop in and read first and send HUGZ to all those struggling and to Cathy congrats on your first meeting!!!!
A small note to rich r....... I thought we agreed that the term "ralph" was the lease offensive? *grin*
Take care all and have an awsome night!
Michelle
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/03/04
From: Leslie

Comments:
Poppin back in to visit for a few minutes...just can't seem to keep away from all of you....Today I recognized as I go through
the steps...I think...I will never repeat that mistake ever again...well, how do I know that I don't want to make the same
mistake twice, but if I do I will write it down, and try again to live as God wants me to...progress and acceptance..."Baby steps"
as (((carole)))shared and hoping that grandbaby makes his debut soon
Today I also realized there are some things I may never overcome...mental illness will always be a part of me...unless someone
develops a cure..I can only pray for that, but until then the serenity prayer comes to mind...and I will accept my limitations,
and strive to do the "next right thing" as in the quote that (((barb))) had shared with us...Well, Gizmo is giving me the potty
time signal... Ysir, Leslie
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/03/04
From: kim/alias privy

Comments:
hey all,today is another good day gamble free. Woke up pulled cover over my head did not want to open my store urg.I am my
own boss maybe i wont,unfortunatly,due to my consequences of my gambling i had to.Need the bucks real bad u know.Not like
there is any other way to make money for me anymore. Gambling just not an option anymore period. Funny still no more
urges, if the thought pop into my head i see it and nip it right there,before it becomes an urge, wow cccccooool it works. Just
shared with rich r,about his meltdown and how it helped me have mine, like his meltdown showed me the way, also showed me
someone would catch me as i fell into the abyse i now can identify as crashing,jonsing,withdrawals,emotional meltdown release,
peace.good thing i opened my store today because a customer came in who heard i was selling my business she had been
waiting for me to re open after holidays to discuss with me. Now i am not going to get too hopeful, cause i now recognize like
rob says i set myself up for disappointment, like i need that rite now. Well there is alot of building bridges and mending fences
going on at home, it is quiet, calm, good, There are meetings 12 step ones in the plans,for both,also i am going to a treatment
assessment interview.Are they ever thourough, assessed on phone,assessed in two weeks and programs are in place.Do i feel
good need all the help i can get.Self esteem is rising,hate the disease,love the person. Let it begin with me.rambling....just
wanna thank Cathy H for brushing off my car what a very sweet and thoughtful gesture. Give me another week or so to get my
own affairs in order and i would love to be able to reciprocate.thanks all my god i can see so clearly again thank u so much to
the hub.Oh and thank you to scott H who gave me more to think about last nite..kim
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/03/04
From: Carole

Comments:
((((Sasha))) bless you for the list..WOW..almost a whole year's worth of names, one a day...I looked through it and recognized
soooooooooo many...(((laara)) welcome and good for you..jumping in because of Donna's post...people helping people..off
now..to visit friends..looking like daughter in law is close to having this child..praying, praying, praying..have a great bet free
night, all 363 on the list and those lurking..ysir, Carole..
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/03/04
From: Daily and Nightly Hugs and

Last Day Gambled Prayers to the HUB Family, All CG's, Family

Location and the World

Comments:
****Updates are continous. If someone has been missed, please post a message******
(((((AGIT, AletaE, Allen, A.I, Allen C , Amber, Andrea K., Andy-Sydney, Angle W., Anita A, Ann, Anna, AnnaC, ANNA MARIE,
Arnie W, Anthony from London, Audrey, Audrey J-Miranda, BAILEY, Barb, Barbara- Rella, BARBN, BARBP, BECCA, BEE, BeckyB,
Betty P., BevR, Bklynlady, BLEEDING DEACON, BONNIE D, Brandy, Brenda , Brenda A, Brenda R, Brett, BRIAN, Cali, CASIE,
CASSIE, CHERYL, Cathy H., Carole, CAROLE D, CarolynK, Charlie K, CharlieP, Chatcat, CATHY-Onterio, CHEYL, CHRIS S,
Christine T, Cindy D, Cindy H, CINDY MC, Cindy from Regina, CindyW, Cole, Colleen, COLLEEN D, Collette, CONNI,
COSMORAMA, CRICKET, Curtis L, Dal B, Damaris, Dan,Dark_Lady, Dave, DAVE J., DAVE B, David, Dboy,DC, Dean, DEAN F,
DEB-CO., Deb A., Deb B, Deb D, Deb G, DEBBIE, DEBBIE F, Del, Dean W. Delores, DEM, Denise, Denise D., DennisP, DIANE G,
DIANA N, Diane S., Dina, Don C, DON D, Donna, Donna C, Donna M., Donna L., Dr. Jim, Dorothe, Doug L, DUD, Earl C, ED, ED-
Minn, ELSIE, ELIZABETH, Elizabeth C., Emily, Emjay, Eric M , ESTHER S, FAY, FEO, Fiddler, Forbis_Sue, FRANK C, GAIL, GaryK,
GeneK, Geri, GERTIEGIRL, Gin, Gordon D. Gramers, HAROLD, Howie C, HOLLY S, IRENE S, Ian H., INVISIBLE, Jack R., JAQUIE,
Jake A, James P, JAMES T, Janie J, Jaybird, JayL, JD, Jeannie , Jeff H, JENNIEM, Jennifer, JENNY S, JERRY, Jim A, Jim K, JIMA,
Jim. J., Jim R., JO-Alberta, Joanne, JO ANN, JO ANN B, Jocelyn D., JODIE, JOE M, JOHN, JOHN CANADA, John H, John M, JoniB,
Josie, JOYCE E, Juanita B., Jude, JUDY, Karen, KAREN (new), KAREN -West, Kat, Katielyn, KATHLEEN, Kathy K, Kathy S, Ken,
Ken V., Kenny, Kenny F, Kim, Kinnon, KITTY, KOKO, Laara, Lakota, Lanie, LdyQP, LEAH, Lenett, LESLIE ANN M., Leslie, Leslie
M, Lily , Linda C, Linda M., LINDA - IA, LINDA P, LINDA T, LISA, Liz, LIZ Missouri, Lloyd, LOIS, LOOKF, LORI, Lou N, Lu S, M.A.,
Madge, Maggie, MAGGIEMAC, MAMAFV, Marc, MARC New Mexico, MARCIA, MARGARET, Marie, MARILYN P, MARILU, Mark, Mark
M, MARK T, MARK-Tampa, MARILYN P, Marty, Mary, MaryAnne, Mary J, Maty L., Marym downunder, Matt W, Max H, , Melissa-
sasha, MELISSA V, Michelle, MIKE B, MIKE M, MIKE P, MIKE-UK, Miranda, MONA, MYRNA, Mz DUNLAP, Nance, Nancy, Nancy M,
NANCY - OREGON, Newsman, NICKY, Nita, Norma G., Nut1, Okiemaw, Paradise, Pari, PAT B, Pat L, Patsy H., Patty, PATTY -
Ireland, Paula, Paul D., Paul, PAULA H, Pete, PETE P, Pete T, PHYLLIS, Privy, Purdell, Rachel, Ramona, Randy M, Ray H, Renee
B, Renee C, RJ , Rich_DET, Richr, RICHARDC , Ricky W., RITA, RNC, Robert, Robin H, ROBIN, Rose, Rose- Adrian, Rose f.,
ROSE G, ROY-Kentucky, ROZ, RUBY, RUSS, Ruth, Sal, Sally D, SAM, Sandy, SandyK, SARAH, Scott, R, SANDI BEE, Sandra R.
(Gams5), Skogie1999, Sharon C., Sharon G, SharonJ, Shawn N., SHEILA, Sheila, L, Sherry E., Sheryl, S Jane, shirley M, Sorry,
SUNSHINE, Suzanne, Sue, Sue H., SUSAN C, SusanP, SUSAN S, Steve, STEVE-Calgary, STEVE-Washington, Steven, STEVEN F,
Susie H., SylviB, Tara, TAYFAITH, TERRY, TESS, Teresa, Theresa P., Tibbi, Tiff, Tino (sidepocketkid), Tna- Tina, Todd, TOM C,
Tom P, TOM - Palm Springs, Tom S, TOM W, TOM NY, Tracy, TREE, TRISH S, Valorie, Vel M, VickiB, Vida, VIRGINIA, VVV,
Wayne, WENDY, Williamk, Wilma, WUZZY, Ymg/Ymg, Yvonne F., Zanna, OUR LOVED ONES, ALL MILITARY TROOPS and
Humankind))))) <363>
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1/03/04
From: Jim R
Email: wingnut1285@yahoo.ca

Last Day Gambled 6/25/03

Location Barrie, Ont.

Comments:
I'm back again, feeling better now. Had a long talk with friend here from GA, went for coffee, walked the dogs. (((Barb))) you
hit the nail on the head for me. Haven't been turning much of anything over lately. Forgetting to ask for help, say thanks,
praying, & reading the daily reflection which really described me today, HP put it there for me but I wasn't listening.
Jay thanks for your post. My emotions are so raw right now can't think straight, so how can I make make any rational
decisions.
Well I'm gonna go for a drive find a nice quiet spot & have a chat with HP it's been a while. Then something else I haven't been
doing much of, read some of the mountain of material I have but never seem to get around to reading. Thanks for listening Jim
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/03/04
From: ruth

Last Day Gambled 11/03/03

Comments:
I was just sitting here thinking, "How could ONE more trip to the casino make a difference". Well Donna M. your post answered
that question. Reading your post, I could see myself with tears in my eyes and panic in my heart frantically shoveling twenties
into a cold piece of metal. I could see myself begging that piece of metal to give me one decent win and I could see myself
walking out of the casino, defeated, staying defeated as I dragged my broken down self to my car. Then I could see myself in
the car saying, "and it wasn't even fun". May our God (H/P)lead us into a safer life




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/03/04
From: CathyH
Email: cathy0457@rogers.com

Last Day Gambled 12/29/03

Location Ottawa, Ontario

Comments:
Hi all. My name is Cathy and I'm a compulsive gambler. I just returned from my first ever GA meeting. It was fantastic!! But let
me tell you, it wasn't easy. We had freezing rain last night, and took me forever to de-ice the car, but got in and started to
drive - looked at the clock - I had 15 minutes to make it there. Wasn't exactly sure where it was, so had to play out map in my
head. I kept glancing at the clock - thinking - well if I don't make it, maybe I'll go gamble. I guess my higher power was with
me, cause I made it with time to spare. I was greeted openly and warmly, and enjoyed every minute of it.

When it was done, I chatted for a bit with some other members, and said to one of them "well I made it through my first
meeting", and I could feel the tears starting. I didn't even realize I was feeling so much emotion, until I said those words.

Well the drive home was a little emotional, and I turned on the radio. My higher power at work for me again. The song playing
was INXS "Devil Inside". There is a verse in that song that can so be translated to gambling. It goes:

Here comes the world,
With the look in its eye,
Future uncertain, but certainly slight,
Look at the faces,
Listen to the bells,
It's hard to believe we need a place called Hell.

I heard myself saying "Oh yeah" - thinking of myself in action, and watching others (which I rarely did), but often had a person
beside me evidently in the same boat.

Anyway, enough rambling, just want to say that all you wonderful people that told me I would not regret going to a GA meeting
WERE RIGHT.

((Sharon C)) well wishes to you and your husband. I hope his health improves.

Going to chat for a short while, take care all and have a great gamble-free weekend.

ysir
CathyH

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1/03/04
From: Laara

Last Day Gambled Oct. 31/03

Location Ontario
Link Name laa

Comments:
This is my first post. Donna's courage brought me here. Because I remember, not so long ago, and not just once, the depth of
despair, regret, self-hatred... I remember crying on my couch alone, then trying to reach people through those phone numbers,
then telling someone else that I never planned on telling, breaking down again, going to bed feeling like I had been run over by
a car...that I was driving.
This site helps, partly because we are in all different stages of the dis-ease of compulsive gambling. Remembering through
Donna's sharing how much it hurt me, I can stay away for another day. So you see Donna, you have helped a lot of people.
And I'm always at the other end of the phone if you want to share. I know you're trying to climb out of the muck. So am I.
(((hugs)))
One thing that helped me near the beginning after removing access to gambling (and a week or two of coming back to sanity)
...I made a commitment, to myself. I had not used that word before, but I needed to make a committment to not gamble one
day at a time.
Jan. 1 I made a commitment to not buy a pack of cigarettes one day at a time. Sandra said something yesterday that really
helped me with this one. She said, "I can't. He can." So all day I have been handing things over to God. When I get the urge I
say "I do not have to power to stop myself from going and buying those cigarettes, buy you do. I put my will in your hands and
you can do this."

So far so good. I've bummed a few from strangers, bought some nicarette gum, but no cigs. When I get the urge to gamble I'm
going to do the same thing.
One day at a time.

So many RCGs to support you Donna. Just make the commitment to yourself.
Your sis in recovery,
Laa: p

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/03/04
From: Jay L.
Email: jaylaz123@hotmail.com

Last Day Gambled November 5, 2000.
Location Arizona

My Time Zone 1:51 pm MST

Comments:
Good afternoon, everyone! A lot of mixed emotions today and what this program has taught me over the years is that gambling
and/or drinking is never a solution to anything. This program has also taught me that emotions pass, be them positive or
negative. They're fleeting and I'm learning that I'm not to base decisions on emotions. All my life, my decision-making process
has been based on my feelings. Well, it's great for me to acknowledge that I have feelings, but there's so much more to life
other than how Jay feels. My natural inclination is to do what makes me feel good and not do what doesn't make me feel good,
but sometimes that's counter-productive and wrong. Now that I've learned that I don't have to run from my feelings, I'm not
learning to make decisions based on intuition rather than how I feel. I think I'm beginning to repeat myself, so I'll stop. Have a
great day everyone and thanks for listening.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/03/04
From: Jay L.
Email: jaylaz123@hotmail.com

Last Day Gambled November 5, 2000.

Location Arizona

My Time Zone 1:51 pm MST

Comments:
Good afternoon, everyone! A lot of mixed emotions today and what this program has taught me over the years is that gambling
and/or drinking is never a solution to anything. This program has also taught me that emotions pass, be them positive or
negative. They're fleeting and I'm learning that I'm not to base decisions on emotions. All my life, my decision-making process
has been based on my feelings. Well, it's great for me to acknowledge that I have feelings, but there's so much more to life
other than how Jay feels. My natural inclination is to do what makes me feel good and not do what doesn't make me feel good,
but sometimes that's counter-productive and wrong. Now that I've learned that I don't have to run from my feelings, I'm not
learning to make decisions based on intuition rather than how I feel. I think I'm beginning to repeat myself, so I'll stop. Have a
great day everyone and thanks for listening.
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1/03/04
From: Sally D
Email: saje_de@yahoo.com

Last Day Gambled 12-31-98

Location Dallas, TX

Comments:
I haven't posted in a really long time and I see things look a little different! Good, change is good. Just wanted to make note of
my 5 year anniversary, 12/31 it's been five years since my last day gambled. I am happy for me and happy for everyone who
makes it five minutes, five days, five months, ...because I know what not making it is like, I can take joy in taking note of
another year of grateful recovery! Happy 2004 to everyone.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/03/04
From: Reflection for the Day..Jan.3

Comments:
My gambling compulsion it 3-fold in that ist affects me physically, mentally, and spiritually. As a compulsive gambler, I was
totally out of touch, not only with myself, but with reality. Day after miserable day, like a caged animal on a treadmill, I
repeated my self-destructive pattern of living.

Have I begun to break away from my old ideas? Just for today can I adjust myself to what is, rather than try to adjust
everything to my own desires?

TODAY I PRAY

I pray that I may not be caught up again in the downward, destructive spiral that removed me from myself and from the
realities of the world around me. I pray that I may adjust to people and situations as they are, instead of always trying,
unsuccessfully and with endless frustration, to bend them to my own desires.

TODAY I WILL REMEMBER

I CAN CHANGE ONLY MYSELF.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/03/04
From: Barbn

Last Day Gambled 5/30/03

Comments:
Welcome to those reaching out for the first time. Congratulations to those realizing a milestone today...(((Tom S))),
(((Michelle))), ((((Milestone List)))), and for yesterday (((Leslie))).

I think of the man that was pinned for days after a climbing accident. His determination to live was much greater than that of
giving up...Even if that meant cutting his own arm off to free himself and Live. It makes me wonder, at what length will I go to
live? Makes me also think about what my sponsor asks..."Now, how much of that have you turned over to your HP?"
Hmmmmmmmmm. Just pondering in black and white here.

Suppose it is as simple as that.

Thanks for listening...Hugs.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/03/04
From: Jim R
Email: wingnut1285@yahoo.ca

Last Day Gambled 6/25/03 barely

Location Barrie, Ont.

Comments:
Wow talk about going from good to bad real quick. So tired of the bloody pain, don't know if I would call it an urge. More like a
decision to just stop the pain, numb myself with alcohol & gambling, no GA meeting today tried AA meeting no one there sh*t.
Get tired & lonely = vulnerable, poof wife shows up says all the right things, only thing is actions don't match words. Sucker
again, hurt again. Time to get off this freaking ride can't take it anymore. Sitting at home alone my own fault have a lot of
friends in & out of GA. I have to pick up the phone to, reach out. Love this site but need f2f with ppl. to.
Well gonna do that now pick up phone. Needed to get that out. Not suicidle or anything just frustrated, please don't worry just
needed to vent, thought of falling further then I did helped keep me from doing anything stupid, as a friend keeps saying think
thru to consequenses, worked for me, don't want to go there again. Well gonna go see if I can find someone for coffee. Don't
know if this all makes any sense but needed to get it out. Jim
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/03/04
From: Gin
Email: gmarch@accesscomm.ca

Last Day Gambled December 27th/03

Location Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada

Comments:
It's one week and all is well. Don't have an urge to gamble. I think back at all the insanity that gambling brought me. I know
you shouldn't dwell in the past, but this is for a good cause. It keeps mein check.
Went to GA meeting last night and it felt good being in touch with the people I've become acquainted with. They are the best of
friends a person could ask for.
They reminded me to take one day at a time and enjoy my gamble-free day. That's what it's all about. For me, it's baby steps.
Hope you all have a successful day. Take care.
Ginette
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/03/04
From: Bklynlady
Email: bklynladyartist@aol.com

Last Day Gambled December 28, 2003

Location Brooklyn, New York

My Time Zone Eastern

Comments:
Hi to all the friends I have made on this site -- they saved my life. Today will be the 6th day I haven't lost my money trying to
"hit a number"...and it feels wonderful. It's great to have a few bucks in my pocket! Best of all, I don't feel that horrible guilt
after I spent the money.

Just taking it One Day At A Time...and enjoying life again. Gonna take my daughter shopping this week to celebrate!
Love Ya All,
Shelly (Bklynlady)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/03/04
From: jaybird
Email: srchief@prodigy.net

Last Day Gambled 1/18/01

Location port angeles, wa

My Time Zone recovery zone

Comments:
morning, woke up to alot of snow, really pretty, and best of all don,t have to drive in it. just hang out by the fire, and
computer, in days of old would be all pissed off that i couldn,t drive to the casino. things well on my end, wonderful xmas in
recovery, and new years eve with patty, and our two good friends red and tony. had nice dinner, and out for afew drinks and
dancing to bring in the new year, took alot of pictures will provide some great memories. no gambling planned for today, life
has to many better things to offer, happy recovery 2004. progress, not perfection, made it a good day and enjoy, feeling very
greatful, and thankful here on my end. love ya all, ybir jaybird
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/03/04
From: marc
Email: dukiebdev@aol.com

Last Day Gambled 12/29/03

Comments:
Am home today for the 3rd day in a row with strep throat.... so DAMN painful... still cannot swallow or eat, hurts too much....
all I can do is sit at home and watch television.

And of course, all of these college hoops and football games are on, which make me want to "just put a little money back into
my account."
I'm fighting the urge for now... hooray...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/03/04
From: Carole
Email: carolehub@hotmail.com

Last Day Gambled march 6/2002

Location british columbia, canada

My Time Zone pacific

Comments:
ITS A NEW DAY!! My name is Carole and I am a compulsive gambler..staying away from the bet today, and very happy about
that..(((SharonC)))bless you and prayers that all will be well with hubby, and don't beat yourself up..just take care of
YOU..((DonnaM)))YOU ARE NOT WORTHLESS..you are a compulsive gambler, with weird brain wiring..a terrible addiction..that
CAN be arrested, for sure, as far as never wanting to do this again..coming here was a start, how about a local meeting, call
someone on the ga hot line, a gambling addiction cousellor, and your husband loves you and recognizes you have a problem so
why not..DO SOMETHING about it..YOU can do it..I did and most that come here did or are trying..prayers are out to you..right
now as I type..Love what Rich quoted a friend saying "LAST INSANITY"..let it be the LAST..and make today the first day of the
rest of your life..(((GENE)) welcome back...((Dave)) let your conscience be your guide..my nightly inventory keeps me in
check..if I have amends to do..make them the next day, BUT only after all the other steps were done, cannot do it all in one
day Progress... not perfection..so remember this ...when I did the steps the first time , maybe 20 years ago, was so high, a
good friend asked me about them, made the terrible mistake of trying to explain(think I have matured since then)..the long
and short of it is..she called the next day and couldnt sleep at all..she had so many people to make ammends to..kept her
up..that is why we say baby steps..a little at a time, but IN TIME...WOW RECOVERY ROCKS,,even with terrible things
happening around me, I am able to cope..((Tess))impulse disorder, sure sounds like on of my problems too, but day by day
and reading, and sharing and praying, I can take one day at a time...so cliche but so true, and sure there are rough spots, but I
get over them way quicker...the one thing newcomers(I was one too once) seem to not know, is that anyone in recovery is
super happy, BECAUSE of overcoming, horrible terrible life circumstances....I may be sounding real joyful when I post ...but no
one knows what I have truly overcome...cause that is my PAST ... TODAY is what is important........I choose to be happy
TODAY....but there is a river of tears and anguish behind me.....as there is with all people in recovery, that is why its called
RECOVERY...rambling now..so off I go..congrats to all reaching a milestone and ((((HUGS))) to anyone struggling, 24 hours,
1440 minutes, you can do this..Carpe Diem, Seize those MOMENTS.. Carole...and once again((((DONNAM)))you are
WORTHY..God Loves YOU and so do we
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/03/04
From: Jim R
Email: wingnut1285@yahoo.ca

Last Day Gambled 6/25/03

Location Barrie, Ont.

Comments:
Had heart in throat this morning, reading news of plane crash in Egypt. Full of French tourists on there way home, no survivors.
First thought was PARI, know from reading whole story that chances of her being on that plane are slim to none, but fear shook
me up at first, still shaking.
Never would have thought 6 months ago when I started this journey I would be sitting here worried sick about a friend, I've
never met, but means the world to me. Back then was all about me now everyday heart opens more, some days on sleeve
open & vulnerable.
One day a couple of months ago was frustrated was ready to give up on the hub give up on myself. Then wham post from Pari
struggling. See we came to hub same day I believe, I knew hub was all she had no GA. So her struggling got me to open heart
for the first time & had to come back every day to see how she was doing. Kept coming & we became good friends & I made so
many other friendships here at the hub as well, which may never have happened without her post that day.
(((Pari))) thank you, pray your safe & pray for the family's who lost loved ones in that crash.

(((Charlie P))) thank you for this site. It truly is amazing. A gift for all of us RCG's.

Love & hugs to everyone
YBIR
Jim
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/03/04
From: Lloyd T.
Email: kislloydt@yahoo.com

Last Day Gambled not today!

Location Brecksville
Comments:
hi hubbers. (Sasha) please do post your list!! Good to see you post.

Came here again today to share on a thought of the Serenity Prayer. There is soooo much meaning in it, for sure, for me. But
in keeping it simple, it thought I'd share only about its first three words:

"God Grant Me..."

For oh so long in my past I lived without the presence of God. For whatever reason, I don't exactly know. My mother passed
away from a terminal cancer when I was 14 years old that was 18 years ago, and I guess i've lived out my life anyway that I
pleased. It was Godless, for sure.

So for me, my experience of turning my life over to a Higher Power has been sometimes a chore. Sometimes I outsmart myself
and make it more complicated than necessary. So for me, I'll give myself a bit of credit and know that in my heart, by reciting
the Serenity Prayer, and especially its first three words, "God Grant Me," that I am making a step towards His will.

For me, can't get more simpler than that. No overthinking today--and grateful.

Well, I start a new job on Monday in downtown Cleveland and again, I'll have to check out their IT policies before I decide to
visit the Hub from work. I hope that I get back here soon.

Enjoy the day! LloydT
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/03/04
From: Sharon C
Email: sharon@cablerocket.com

Last Day Gambled December 10, 2003

Location Ontario

My Time Zone EST

Comments:
Good morning all. It is Saturday morning, I am usually sharing a cup of coffee with my husband about this time. However, he is
in the Cardiac Intensive Care Unit as of yesterday. He had to undergo a number of tests as he had a heart attack a few years
ago and is having further difficulties. I am fearful that the strain I have put on him over the last couple of years due to my
compulsive gambling has not helped the situation.

I have not gambled since Dec. 10, 2003 and although that is a short time, it has been a long time for me. I know without this
site and the hub chat line I would not have made it this far. When I got up this morning my first thought was to shower and
head for the casino as I cannot get into the hospital until 4:00 p.m. Instead, I came into this site, read your postings and
decided this is the place for me.

I thank you all for your inspiring stories and wish everyone health, happiness and a prosperous new year.

Without you I would be a lost soul today.

take care
Sharon C
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/03/04
From: Dal B.
Email: dalbert_b@yahoo.com

Last Day Gambled 1/03/04

Location Vancouver, Wa

My Time Zone Pacific

Comments:
Good morning all....


Just sititng here, waitiing for time to pass, reading a book, but thought I'd drop by and see what was going on....Seems the
beast still has a grip on many of us (Yep, me too) and so, we once again, rise and try again.
Snow has pretty much gone from roadways, I was REALLY worried as I had the KEY to the meeting room! So, I'll lay down for a
couple more hours and then get ready for another meet and then next Friday, get started on Job 2...



I'm doing this for 3 reasons..



Recovery as the more I work, the less time I'll have for gambling...Of course, the worst part of my disease was online, so
maybe a "Cutoff" of a "Paid" line might be in order...



Bills, I feel that in 6 months (I know, I shouldn't look ahead) I'll have car paid off and free up more money for bills...



Christmas...OK, OK, quit laughing...I thought "Why not start NOW as for looking at gifts or just "saving" for the next one and
really surprise some?



All for today...I know ODAAT, but it'll start adding up soon.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/03/04
From: CathyH
Email: cathy0457@rogers.com

Last Day Gambled 12/29/03

Location Ontario
Comments:
Good morning fellow CGs. It's 10 a.m. on Saturday, and in 3 hrs. I'll be sitting in my first GA meeting. I am sooo nervous about
going - I guess it's just because it's such a big step for me. I wish I had someone to hold my hand through it, but I created this
mess, and it's up to me to face it head on.

(((Michelle))) 7 months fantastic!! and ((all others)) reaching milestones today. ((donna m)) know what you're going through,
and ((to your hubby)) for hanging in. ((dave)) I look forward to reading your posts each a.m. I so appreciate your honesty.
((rich)) So glad you're feeling better and you've come back to inspire us all.

Have a great gamble-free day all.

ysir
CathyH


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/03/04
From: Dave J

Comments:
(((((Donna)))))) tried to e-mail you,but kept getting sent back?

You'll get through

When the challenge is in front of you, it looks big and difficult
and complicated and forbidding. Yet when that same challenge is
behind you, you wonder why you ever hesitated to take it on.
Are there challenges looming on your horizon, challenges that seem
insurmountable? They are not nearly so difficult as they may at
first appear. In fact, once you get past them they will hardly seem
difficult at all. Because in the process of going through them,
you'll learn, you'll improve, you'll grow, you'll become stronger.

In the process of meeting the challenges that are now in front of
you, you'll take yourself to a higher level of performance. You'll
take yourself to a higher level of wisdom, strength, and
effectiveness.

Imagine yourself there now, already past the challenges, stronger
and more experienced as a result. You will have achieved something
of value and, perhaps more importantly, put yourself in a position
to take on even greater, even more rewarding challenges.

So jump in right now and begin to work your way through the
challenges that confront you. You know you'll get through them, to
discover great new value on the other side.

-- Ralph Marston

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/03/04
From: Leslie

Comments:
(((((((Donna))))))))) Huggin you now in my heart...we are all so connected...different paths...different stories maybe, yet such
understanding of the feelings that come from this insidious disease..
So thankful to have another angel among us...Love from Ysir, Leslie
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/03/04
From: Dave Of Beckenham
Email: gadaveuk@yahoo.com

Last Day Gambled 1992 August

Location Calgary

Comments:
My name is Dave I am a compulsive Gambler and will be till the day I DIE! I had a troubled night with infection and the idea
what is a fair quote for the house we want to buy? Besides that van needs rewire, I need to take driving test, arrange boxes to
go back into storage and make sure Shirley is prepared for trip back to UK. Besides that it is easy sailing. LOL. I can not seem
to keep up with being retired. It is exhausting. Some might have thought me heartless and cruel for the things I did and said in
my addictions. Yet they do not understand hiw could I care for them when I did not care for myself. I made promises at my
marriage in 1970 I was not equiped to keep. To love( it has taken me till recent years to understand what love was) honour
well you need pride to be honourable? Obey yes sure that sounds like reality check? In taking responsability I needed to be able
to feel for myself before I could trully feel for my victims. The most painful part of recovery came from hearing the voices of
pain doing telephone duty. I felt my wifes pain and my mothers pain. That is when I took responsability for what I had done.
Then I was able to forgive myself knowing I was ill and not equiped to have full relationship with myself or others. It has ben in
recent years I have learnt personnal skills. In 1969 if you asked me if I felt inadequate insecure lonely guilty scared or ashamed
I could not honestly answer you. I di dnot know what I was feeling. I was traumatised long before my first. Unable to cope with
the way I felt or who I was. Fear ruled my life. Maturity was a joke word. Making the right decision was the toss of a coin. I
never felt I had any say in my destiny. A leaf blowing in the wind. In recent years there have ben many changes. I look more in
than out now. I listen to my conscience and my soul. I am willing some times to listen to Shirley and take advice. Taking
critism gracefully I am still working on that one. There is more laughter than pain in my life. I can see people as victims in
every day life. It is not my place to comment on the part they play. I attended 4 - 5 meetings a wekk just to abstain. Just to
put weeks together. People would say thinsg that would arouse such anger in me yet I kept going back to GA. I knew no other
way. When people get angry they focus on others rather than understand their own pain. I have seen people many years with
out a bet yet still resenting the fact they feel they had to stop Gambling. Not wanted to. Some people feel they need to
controlothers like it is my way or the high way? Yes sure? I have seen people uncomfortable at seeing another person cry and
show pain. One day in front of counsellor I cried and laughed at the same time. It was a very weird feeling indeed. Yet you
know it felt good. Like the washing was out to dry? Nothing left to hide. I feel more with types of music they touch me feeelings
of time spast. It is good to feel. That lonely traumatised numbness of self abuse I do not want any more. To feel that low self
esteem, so low there isno way out of it. Horrible. A lack of reality is not for me now. I find it very hard to do the right thing
some times. But my conscience is my guide today. Not my enemy. There is an end to the suffering if we trully want peace in
our lives. It only requires us to surrender the fight we have in our selves. To do the right thinsg usually the hardest things.
Frustration is resolved once you live serenity prayer. That was so hard for me to do. Time slips through our fingers in recovery
like you would not believe. But most days have days have good closure to them now. My life has value today I have value in
myself and all aorund me. I can only progress once I acknowledge some thing is not right. Then once you are honest and gain
strength you can do some thing about it. We are the fortunate people that are able to expose ourselve and be honest with
ourselves. Then we can move on from where we were. Some peole who come here do not feel like winners. But in time peace
can be a part of your life if you let in. I was useless at school you know. I only got Marks for getting my name right. I left
school and worked a round about in a fair ground when iw as 15. When I read my old diaries it scares me how bad my writing
was. Ok it is not much better now? But all I aim for is progress. I try. Love to you all Dave.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/03/04
From: donna millard
Email: donna_millardca@yahoo.com

Last Day Gambled december 31/04

Location london, ontario

Link Name donna

Comments:

Hi everyone, I return to the hub, with my tail between my legs. I had to change my date. Had to humiliate myself, and family
one more time.This illness has taken me to a higher (progressive)level. I have done something that i have never done before,
and that is to steal from my husbands business account. I stoled several thousands of dollars and donated them to the casino,
HOW DARE I, i am the lowest of the lowest to think i had a right to that money. My head is in such turmoil, cant think straight,
so confused, hate myself,hate what i have done to hubby and family, all alone, feeling desperate. I believe this is rock bottom
for me, I was like a lunatic in the casino, (desperate to recover the losses, so i could replace the money i stole),running from
machine to machine feeding them 20.00 getting severely pissed off at the casino,telling myself the wheels were too tight, for i
never even got 100 credits, what now where to go, only 60.00 left being wreckless, wanting to shout out loud TAKE THIS DAMN
MONEY SO I CAN GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE, TAKE IT, then leaving and searching the parking lot for my vehicle, couldn't
remember where i parked, can't think straight, my head is ready to pop, my eyes are filling up. what to do , where to go, how
do i tell my husband those 2 shallow words I'm sorry. You're not sorry Donna, how many damn times have you done this, how
many more times do you think you're loved ones can stand behind you, I DON'T KNOW, confused desperate, just take me away
from all this, then reality, How am i going to tell him, he will lose it, this gentle loving man is married to a wreckless,lying
deceitful, manipulative monster, not the gentle kind honest loving person he married 16 years ago. I have destroyed everything
we have worked for, I AM WORTHLESS, not deserving of my husband and family, but guess what folks, this man has found it in
his heart to give me another chance, Please God don't let me blow it, i will ask my higher power for help everyday, i know what
i have to do, i know i don't have another bet in me. Please let me remember this feeling and the frantic scenario at the casino, i
don't ever want to go back there, so you will see me here lots hubbers, and today i pray, give me abstinance from gambling
just for today, tormorrow is a new day and i don't need to worry about tomorrow, Thanks for letting my speil off Donna
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/03/04
From: rich r
Email: richr121500@yahoo.com
Last Day Gambled 12/15/00

Location detroit

My Time Zone 930am eastern

Comments:
Good morning all you wonderful people you!

rich r, who admits to being powerless over gambling AND who's life is (still) unmanageable. The date of my last bet was
12/15/00 AND the date of my last unmanageability was 12/29/03 . But, that's life in recovery. At least I didn't bet. I did
seriously consider changing my last bet date over what happened a few days ago. But, then I thot about it. I didn't use and I
am grateful for that, so why 'punish myself' by changing me date. So, instead I came up with my idea of 'date number two',
that being the date of my last emotional relapse.

A little 'aside' here. There used to be an active member in Detroit who used to introduce herself by saying: "my name is sue
and I am a CG the date of my last insanity was 5/24/96." To Sue, gambling meant the same as insanity. I don't disagree that it
is insane to go back to gambling, especially after having some clean time in the program. I may be splitting hairs, but I believe
that I have yet another kind of insanity besides the gambling. I can't quite articulate it this morning, but I do know that I felt it
last Sunday and Monday. One of the characteristics was I kinda shut down. You know how they say in the program that HOW
stands for Honesty, Open-mindedness and Willingness? Well, Sunday and Monday I was definitely no longer 'open'. I was shut
down. I had my own thinking going on and I was not going to listen to reason by anyone else. When I came to the chat room
on Monday I was just ranting and raving. Other folks were trying to offer support and help but I just wanted to spout off. To
vent. I later referred to it as my emotional vomit (sorry if I got any on you!).

Anyway, I gotta run along to my 1030 am OA meeting. Some guy is coming all the way from Port Huron (about a 60 minute
drive) and I don't want him to find no one at the meeting. I think I have some more to share about my emotional relapse, so,
I'll be back

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/03/04
From: Leslie
Email: beetle444@comcast.net

Last Day Gambled 11/02/03
My Time Zone Eastern

Comments:
My doggie woke me up again last night at 3AM...she surely is like a baby...never sure what she wants..potty, food, water, or
just attention...maybe all 3...anyway, she is such a little darling, so I overlook all the little things, and see what a joy she is to
me..(((((((((Tess)))))))))) you are just a beautiful soul...give yourself the gift of time...I so understand, cause I was my own
worst critic....now I realize I am human..just like the rest of us...we all need each other...all of us are connected...I look
forward to your posts..whatever feelings they express are so appreciated by this kindred spirit....The post by ((((dave of B))))))
today really got me to thinking...I have been craving this unattainable and ultimately destructive thing from someone in my
life, and in doing so, may have hurt another...and I know how that feels to be hurt like that, but yet I did it twice, the second
time after I had already identified it...it was a sly smile...a knowing smile, over someone we have the same view of, well,
actually she has a different viewpoint than I do...I feel closer to this person, so that makes my actions even worse, think this
person was oblivious to it, but how do I know for sure, and as many have shared its what our conscience tells us is wrong, not
how our actions affect others...so maybe this time it will sink into my thick head...guess its human ...repeating the same
mistake twice...I only pray I will not make it again...God help me, please..there is more to this issue than meets the eye, but I
can't go into it on here...so I'll just say it is a major inner struggle that I hope to work through, before the year is over.
Anyway, to ((((((all)))))))) of you struggling...I'm right there with you...joy and pain...thats what recovery is for me, and life
too, but I have found such comfort in all of you...my brothers and sisters in recovery...you're all my angels
......((((((Michelle)))))) 7 months..so great and all (((((((Milestoners)))))))) AWESOME...with much love Ysir, Leslie
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/03/04
From: CG Hub

Comments:
Congrats to todays milestones.
Tom S (Mpls). 5-3-92
Angel W. 1-3-01
Sherry E. 11-3-01
Susie H. 3-3-02
Lou N. 3-3-02
Norma G. 1-3-02
Elizabeth C. 3-3-02
Deb A. 4-03-02
Paul D 7-3-02
Diane S 1-3-03
Mary L 5-3-03
Michelle 6-03-03
Jocelyn D 09-3-03

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/03/04
From: Dave Of Beckenham
Email: gadaveuk@yahoo.com

Last Day Gambled 1992 August

Location Calgary

Comments:
My name is Dave I am a compulsive Gambler and will be till the day I DIE! I learnt from Dr Phil Anger comes from 3 locations.
Pain fear or frustration or any combination of those 3. I use to react all the time. I was very much a damaged soul before all
my addictions. They were just a symptom of an unhalthy soul. How bad was it? I use to get angry at check outs cinema queues
etc. You could say I was over sensitive. Now where do we start our journey of recovery, or healing as I believe it to be. It is
from with in. Understanding why I react, I took every thing personnal. Expectations high. How could I expect others to value
myself when i did not value myself. I learned also in recovery sex is not love. Money is not happiness. It just gives me more
choices. Security comes from a state of mind. I have learned how to feel again. Not avoid my feelings and run away all the time
just now and again now. Boundaries are best kept from a mind of peace. We learn also that we are the controller of our own
feelings. We decide if we are going to have a bad day or a good day. If you make up your mind nothing can through you. Then
the conscious and the sub conscious. Some people the soul is decided by what cloathes you wear or car you drive, not so for
me. It is who I am today. At the end of the day I decide if it was a good day, a day of closure where my conscience feels good.
My pride has been a driving force in my motives. I have not been a victim a perpatrator or a rescuer. I have learnt to be
myself. My son still reacts to me now and again. And I know it is of my past. It is my responsability. So given time he will learn
to trust me and not be over sensitive to my wicked humour. I am very proud of him in many ways. Shirley & I discuss our
resposnability as parents. We acknowledge our part. We have decided on house to buy will put in offer tomorrow. Mark has
offered us deposit till money comes through. It is very trusting of him. It must reflect our relaitionship? It is very scarey stuff
this maturity. But still baby steps for me each day. Today hurting hurting people is not accpetable. I know how hurt feels now. I
have had my fair share of being abused for sure. I have been used adn abused and it leaves with very low self esteem. Like I
had no worth no value. Lonleness use to be my life. It was very much a paranoa trip for me. Reading thinsg that were not
there. making mountains out of miole hills. I had no choice but to react in the old days. Run and hide away in my addictions.
Belt now down by 3 notches. Jeans bought on arrival in calgary 4 weeks ago now are very loose. I have now developed a
turkey neck which Shirley takes the piss out of. Gobble gobble. LOL. Hair line is receeding back? If it keeps going back will not
know where to stop washing my face? I use to be afraid of death and getting old now i accept it gracefully. Last year as far as I
was concerned I was dying it was clock out time. What I ahve today is a new life one to be proud of. No one can stoip me
Gambling if I choose to. It is my choice. I now know the consequences? Nothing to do with money it is soul destroying. In
running away from responsability I only run away from myself. For me there is no monster it is me running away from me. I
use to be my worst own enemy. Now I treat myself and my best freind. In recovery I have been able to abstain, but recovery is
far more than that. I have stopped smoking over 10 years, nearly stopped verbal self abuse. Reduced drinking to now and
again, I do not need to get drunk now. I have learnt not to sabourtage my well being. Treat my body with some respect. Those
cream tarts are they talking to me? LOL. Dr Atkins might not be the best way to reduce weight but it is working for me today. A
day off now and again is not the end of the world? How come in my mind those thick vanilla milk shakes look like heaven to
me? Hum when I eat weird man me? My ages are getting closer together now. Personnal skills are developing. Slow but sure.
Very much baby steps fopr me each day. I use to be the best talker going! Now I am taking steps to change that. Yes it is right
follow what is right and good for you today. Let your conscience be your best freind. How can any of us justice hurting another
being? It is not my place to tell any one what to do with their life. It is their choice. People might think I am a boaring old fart.
That is their choice. If I met myself 20 years ago I would have thought that. No matter how much sense I made I would nto
affected how i felt about myself untill I was ready for change. Be at peace with yourselves. Love Dave. Hoping to be in a home
soon. But you never know?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


Hub Posts Sunday 1/4/04
1/04/04
From: Sally D
Email: saje_de@yahoo.com

Last Day Gambled 12-31-98

Location Dallas, TX

Comments:
I spent some time today thinking about my first meeting at GA (the first first time since I went in and out for over a year). I
can still remember the despair and disgust I felt then about myself but also the sense of relief because for the first time I felt
not alone, that there were people who understood, who were going through the same thing. There were four other newcomers
that night and the warmth and acceptance we got from everyone in the room was so amazing. There was one newcomer who
couldn't even talk she was so distressed but there was nothing awkward or uncomfortable about it, everyone just knew how
she felt. It was so wonderful, thinking about it now and contrasting it in my mind with the lonely, desperate, numbed feelings I
would have sitting at the VP machine in a casino or when I would scrape the last quarter out of my purse and force myself up
from the machine and drag myself to the car (hoping there was enough fumes to get home!). Hope is a great thing and that's
what I got sitting in that room, so thank you to all those people.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/04/04
From: Tess
Email: twest1117@sbcglobal.net

Comments:
Hi, Tess a compulsive gambler. I put my project plan into effect today and it seemed to work. I got my usual urges to gamble,
but this time I logged into the chat room. Got some good feedback and I did not go gambling.
((((Donna))))(((Deb)))(((JayBird))). (((Anna))), where the heck are you? I hope you are okay. I have been thinking about you.
(((SharonJ))), if you are reading I think about you all the time. I hope you post soon. I want to stop gambling so badly. It has
such a grip on me, but enough is enough. That's my new mantra when the "beast" comes to call. I have been repeating
"enough is enough" and the "beast" retreats for awhile. I need to figure out someway to have someone else control my money.
I simply can not have access to money. This is difficult for me, as I have no one, family and friend wise to do this. My best
defensive against that right now is to pay my bills with money orders the day I get paid. If I gamble what is left to live on, then
I eat peanut butter again. Geez, I can't tell you how much I am beginning to hate peanut butter. I need a haircut too.
Hopefully, I will be able to get one this Saturday. I'm very grateful to everyone here and want to thank you all. (((((Hugs)))))
God, thank you for helping me stay gamble free today. Please help me to surrender all my pain and sorrow to you. Please help
my friends and family that are having horrible struggles with addictions. We are not bad people, just terribly, terribly hurt
somewhere along the way. Thank you. Amen.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/04/04
From: Okiemaw

Last Day Gambled 7/24/03

Location Oklahoma

Comments:
Ian S ... I have to tell you how seriously distressed I am by your post . We have a sign we put in the middle of the table at our
GA f2f meeting that reads." What you see here, what you hear here, when you leave here, let it stay here." It is provided by
ISO for every Gamblers Anonymous group. Since you are a Gamblers Anonymous Trustee you must have seen one of them.
"Anonymous" is the largest word in the name of our program and it's importance is clearly stated in Step 12 of our Unity
Program. " STEP 12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of the Gamblers Anonymous program, ever reminding us to place
principles before personalities." I felt that I had to post this because I have told some members of my group who are concerned
about anonymity about this website and I pray that if they read your post that they stay around long enough to read mine and
know that this is NOT the GA way. That goes for all NEWCOMERS to this site and GA. Ian, I pray you are considering a more
thorough Step 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10. I hope amends are possible. It doesn't matter if he went too far or not. This is not the
way the program works. As a Trustee you should know that... Sincere Best Wishes to (((ALL)))...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/04/04
From: no place for it

Comments:
My 2 cents, Ian read the top of the page,
NO PERSONAL ATTACKS!!!! It's there for a reason.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/04/04
From: Jay L
Email: jaylaz123@hotmail.com

Last Day Gambled November 5, 2000.

Location Arizona

My Time Zone 7:42 pm MST

Comments:
Good evening, everyone! Sheila and I went to a great speaker's meeting last night and heard from a lady with 21 years of
sobriety. I could really relate when she said, "If I wish any newcomer any sort of gift, it's the gift of desperation..." For myself,
I needed to be really desperate before I was willing to try this program and follow the suggested guidelines. I knew that my life
was extremely unhappy and 'they' promised me that my life would be full, if only I gave recovery a chance by working the 12
Steps with a sponsor as well as going to lots and lots and lots of meetings. I feel blessed to report that they were correct and
that this program really does work and will continue to work as long as I am willing to put one foot in front of the other and do
what's been suggested. Have a great evening everyone and thanks for listening.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/04/04
From: Leslie

Comments:
Pointing fingers is even more detrimental to people and the program...acceptance and tolerance does not automatically mean
you agree with what is being said...in order for people to open up and share, they first need to feel safe, and that doesn't
happen when someone is in fear of being personally attacked.
When someone is on the defensive, we need to treat them with even more loving care. Ysir, Leslie
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/04/04
From: Ian S
Email: ims1967@att.net

Last Day Gambled 12/18/97

Location Norcross, GA

Link Name ims1967

Link URL (Addy) ims1967@att.net

My Time Zone Eastern

Comments:
Carole, I felt this necessary because this person was being detrimental to people and the program which is even more
unhealthy then anything I have seen in GA. I have tried to keep principles before personalities but he went too far
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/04/04
From: Carole
Comments:
Ian... OH MY GAWD.......for as long as I have been reading and posting on the Hub, no one has ever, ever bashed
another..please refrain from doing this..everyone have a good evening..ysirecovery, Carole
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/04/04
From: Ian S
Email: ims1967@att.net

Last Day Gambled 12/18/97

Location Norcross, GA

Link Name ims1967

Link URL (Addy) ims1967@att.net

My Time Zone Eastern

Comments:
Ladies and gents, I have seen everything today--at my f2f meeting tonight which I chaired--we had 1 new member and the
topic was lack of will power. I have never seen everyone squirm as much as tonight!
It reminds me that whatever the topic you can learn something new no matter how much time you have in the program!!
also a warning to all if you see a jerk by name of Wong get on the chat room--Ignore him!!
this jerk is trying to instigate with anyone and he is detrimental to anyone in recovery. Be Careful of him!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/04/04
From: Leslie

Comments:
Here I am again for my daily dose of inspiration...My walk was nice today...still warm here, but I'm hearing we are going to get
a cold front moving in pretty soon...but I am grateful that I could enjoy today....(((((Rich R))))) a kindred spirit here who also
suffers from mental illness...I rely on my meds like I rely on food...it just is so, and although I'm not happy about it...I am
thankful there are many new medications out there with fewer side effects, and new ones in development all the
time....(((((Sherry))))) sending you some support....(((((Laara))))) CONGRATULATIONS on TWO MONTHS Way to go...well, my
tummy is grumbling, so time for some dinner...grateful to have food to eat...Thank you God....Ysir, Leslie
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/04/04
From: For Rich R

Comments:
I hope you were able to download that tape rich.
Just a message that my yahoo messenger is down so cant be reached there anymore. But if you have MSN messenger you can
get me there.
ynak ynak ynak
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/04/04
From: Laara

Last Day Gambled two months ago

Location Ontario

Link Name laa

Comments:
I stayed close to postings and chat room this past weekend. Lots of things I could be doing, but nervous, antsy...only two
months without making a bet. First couple of weeks were the worst. Reading posts this weekend, I see so many of us in pain,
feeling vulnerable, powerless, maybe lonely or hurt...and I read other, stronger voices, recovering voices, telling us that this
illness does not make us losers, that we can overcome it and heal our lives. Being a mere 2 months clean means I NEED the
guidance and wisdom and experience of those who have quit for years and decades. Joni, Carole and others -- thank you for
that view of a future where I could be happy again.
(((Jim))) You have strength built up from months of recovery, strength you needed over the past week! Congrats on coming
thru so far. And you have a wonderful wingnut side to you, the one that drove to London last week. You are learning to love
yourself again. I know that because you have shared in posts and in person. Being totally honest with yourself? Just a guess
you might need to think about that.

Sharon - I hope you are with your husband in his time of crisis...thanks for sharing. Hang on to today.
Barb - Thanks for definitions -- and for being the very first GARCG !
I admire your involvement and have thought about what else I need to do.
Sally - right on -- what one reader might appreciate, another will take offense to. And cgs have mood swings...part of our
illness.
Donna -- congrats to you and your sis for sharing together and husband who loves you (He must!)
You and many others who have husbands to tell everything to, well you're lucky you have them to tell.

Welcome to newcomers...
I remember how it felt to unload in chat how much I had actually lost, how really terrible I felt, how much I hated myself for
doing this to myself. Wonderful people here accepted me and told me they knew what it was like, and told me how to think
about it to get better.
I am finally improving because I am listening better.

So my resolution for 2004
I Choose LIFE over self-destructive behaviour. I commit to recovering from my illness(es) and moving forward.
I give my will over to my Higher Power. I can't. He can. (((gams)))

What have I learned?
Number one step to recovery is: Remove Access to Gambling
Second step is to admit to problem
Third is to begin a program of recovery.

As Gams would say KISS (((and hugs)))

((((((((Hugs of gratitude)))))))) to all of you fine people in the hub who have helped me get through two months (and the
holidays!) gamble free. It was not easy. It is still hard. But trying my best is something i didn't do for a long time. Now i need
to try my best. At a lot of things.
Laa

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/04/04
From: sherry

Last Day Gambled 1/3/04

My Time Zone east

Comments:
gambled yesterday...put my husband through alot...did not come right home after I calldhima and told him what i had done...I
disappeared for 2 hours...he was sick with worry..drove around looking forme..and was going to call police to have them come
find me..I walked in the door right before he did..he was so mad at me...beyond mad...He was relay hurt too that i made HM
worry like that....He had even fixed a bath for me to be ready when I got home from gambling..just to let me know it was
OK..because I was so upset. The night only got worse from there..not gonna go into all the details..but only got 3 hrs of sleep.
Then my sister in law called..at 5am..from Florida..in tears,because my brother was arrested for DWI..not really a surprise to
me..I knew it was just a matter of time..but i still hate to think of him in a jail cell..they have 2 little girls..I hope and pray this
wakes him up to his drinking problem. I hope something will wake up in me also..to move on..so I don't keep numbing myself
to get away from the pain
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/04/04
From: Joni B

Comments:
THE HAND...

A Thanksgiving Day editorial in the newspaper told of a school teacher who asked her first graders to draw a picture of
something they were thankful for. She thought of how little these children from poor neibhorhoods actually had to be thankful
for..But she knew that most of them would draw pictures of turkeys on talbes with food. The teacheer was taken aback with the
picture Douglas handed in..a simple childishly drawn hand.
But whose hand? This class was captivated by the abstract image. "I think it must be the hand of God that brings us food," said
on child."A Farmer," said another,
because he grows the turkeys." Finally when the others were back at work the treacher bent over Douglas desk and asked
whos hand it was, "It's your hand, Teacher, he mumbled.
She recalled that frequently at reces she had taken Douglas, a scrubby forlorn child, by the hand. She often did that with the
children. But it meant so much to Douglas..Perhaps this was everyone's Thanksgiving, not for the material things given to us
but for the chance, in whatever small way, to give to others.
Author Unknown...Insharing one more....as I read..."Stories for the Heart"...thanks for letting me share abit of this this heart
felt book..with you..(((RICH)))((((Sasha and her Beautiful list))bless you...thankyou dear friend....for that gift of love love, ysir,
Joni B
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/04/04
From: Lloyd T.
Email: kislloydt@yahoo.com
Last Day Gambled not today!

Location Ohio

Comments:
Thanks Rich for posting. I thought maybe that you were taking your annual January sabbatical. Glad you're not.

Came back from my SUnday running group and found some time to lurk from the library!!! Good post today.

I have to admit that reading the initial unsolicited advice about what to call myself heated my blood a bit. Thanks to Jim and
Barb (and even Ian) for sharing.

Whatever the topic, I need always remember that every person is welcome in the fellowship as long as one has a desire to stop
gambling. Its the only requirement, no matter what.

This line of discussion has helped me today. Its helped me in that I need to admit I'm powerless over gambling and people,
places and things. Admitting it is a daily renewal, not just a once-in-a-lifetime event.

So here, in front of my peers, let me make that daily renewal--I'm LloydT, a recovering compulsive gambler. Now I can get on
to the rest of my day.

Welcome to the newcomers. Do whatever it takes to stay clean for the rest of the day. If need be, write me an email. I'll write
back. And with that, I'll be back.

Enjoying the journey, Lloyd T



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/04/04
From: rich r
Email: richr121500@yahoo.com

Last Day Gambled 12/15/00
Location detroit

My Time Zone eastern

Comments:
Good afternoon folks, rich r, powerless over gambling and life unmanageable, signing in, rather late. The date of my last bet
was 12/15/00 and the date of my last unmanageability was 1/4/04.

I am really coming to understand step one in a new deeper way lately, especially part 2 of step one. Despite all the love and
attention I have received over the last several days, something happened in my own little head last night and once again I blew
it way out of proportion, which sent me into yet another funk. I ended up going to bed at 7pm and not waking up until 7am.
And then, my wife dared to say a little something that offended me. Well, I am just coming downstairs now and it is 3:30pm!!!
Geezze Louise, give me a break with this unmanageability stuff will you? By the way, my definition of unmanageability right
now is doing something I don't want to do and/or not doing something I do want to do. I have had several sporadic days of this
over the last month. It is so frustrating. And yet, like someone posted I do know that acceptance is the answer to ALL my
problems today. I need to accept the fact that I do have a beast (or shadow side) inside me and it is not going away (by the
way, I would use the word remission rather than inactive, hope I am not splitting hairs). I believe the movie "A Beautiful Mind"
kinda showed what I am trying to say here. John Nash, a brilliant Nobel prize winning physicist (?) somehow learned to "live
with" his schizophrenia. I believe he stopped taking his medication and just learned to live with the voices he heard from his
imaginary 'friends'. (I don't mean to open any can of worms about taking meds for mental illness.) I don't know if my mental
illness started before I gambled or came as a result of my gambling. It really doesn't matter. However, if I am going to
continue 'in remission' from gambling, I must find a way of coping with my distorted thinking/distorted emotions that I
experience from time to time. Thanks.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/04/04
From: Michelle

Comments:
Hi all!
Was an awsome meeting last night! Infact prolly the best one I have been to.
I feel kinda dumb for the comment I made regarding my Thursday night meeting. I asked a couple others in the program who
go to that meeting why does everyone seem to dwell? They informed me that the majority of my Thursday meetings were
meetings with new comers. When a new comer comes in you tell of your times in action to let them know they are not alone. I
was all like "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!" Now I get it. I am not yet aware who is new or old? Well just made me feel kinda dumb.
But actually was pretty happy to hear that once people get settled in and its a group of regulars that more will be shared on
hope and the promises etc.......
Last nights meeting was nice because even tho there were 2 new comers and everyone tried to offer the new comer some
words many also shared just for themselves and one member reminded the room that we go to those meetings first and
foremost for ourselves. I needed to hear that too coz unfortunately I dont have a whole lot to offer a new comer. I have not
had alot of time in this program and am still trying to heal me and get me in the right mind set. I have such a long way to go,
but feel I am on the right track.
Thanks for the space all!
Still feeling a bit like a butthead for dissing my Thursday night meeting.
*hanging my head here*
Michelle
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/04/04
From: Joni B

Last Day Gambled 7/08/00 Grateful

Location Nebr.

Comments:
STRUGGLEs..

When he was a small boy, he had loved butterflies. Oh, not to net and mount them, but to wonder at their designs and habits..
Now a grown man with his first son to be born in a few weeks, he found himself once again fascinated with a cocoon..He had
found it a the side of the park path. Somehow the twig had been knocked from the tree and the cocoon had survived
undamaged and still woven to the branch.
As he had seen his mother do, he gently protected it by wrapping it in his handkerchief and carried it home. The cocoon found a
temporary home in a wide-top mason jar with holes in the lid. The jar was placed on the mantle for easy viewing and protection
from their curious cat who would delight in volleying the sticky silk between her paws.
The man watched..His wife's interest lasted only a moment, but he studied the silky envelope. Almost imperceptibly at first, the
cocoon moved. He watched more closely and soon the cocoon was trembling with activity. Nothing else happened. The cocoon
remained tightly glued to the twig and there was no sign of wings.
Finally the shaking became so intense, the man thought the butterfly would die from the struggle. He moved the lid on the jar,
took a sharp knife from his desk drawer, and carefully made a tiny slkit in the side of the cocoon. Almost imediately, one wing
appeared and then out stretched the other. The butterfly was free!
It seems to enjoy its freedom and walked along the edge of the mason jar and along the edge of the mantle. But it didn't fly. At
first the man thought the wings needed time to dry, but time passed and still the butterfly did not take off.
The man was worried and called up his neigbhor who taught high schoo science. He told the neigbhor how he had found the
cocoon, place it in the mason jar, and the terrible trembling as the butterfly struggled to get out. When he described how he
had carefully made a small slit in the cocoon, the teacher stopped him.
"Oh, that is the reason. You see, the struggle is what gives the butterfly the strength to fly."
And so it is with us. Sometimes it's the struggles in life that strengthen our faith the most.
Insharing.."Stories of the Heart"..compiled by Alice Gray..
with love, ysir, Joni B
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/04/04
From: Carole
Email: carolehub@hotmail.com

Last Day Gambled march 6/2002

Location british columbia, canada

My Time Zone pacific

Comments:
ITS A NEW DAY..Carole here,recovering compulsive gambler and so many other things..just read ((Leslie's)) post, and
acceptance, dear one..is a biggee, and was the topic of our dinner out with friends last night, they have a 20 and 18 year old
not wanting to leave home..very interesting..and acceptance was my tidbit of wisdom and turns out this morning..the oldest
has a plan, and so it goes...every day brings HOPE and new possibilities if we can let go of what we think the outcome SHOULD
BE...like our waiting for this new baby, in God's time..for sure(((Marie and Chipper)) welcome and (((DonnaM)) sounding better
already, a problem shared is a problem halved, that is for darn certain..well..off I go..just needed my fix of inspiration here,
and sure got it..((Paula)) those dang movies are full of temptations..good for you in dealing with it so quickly..(((blessings to
ALL)) and SEIZE those moments..cannot beleive today is already the 4th day of the New YEAR..where does the time go...Carpe
Diem..Dal..loved the joke..peace, Carole
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/04/04
From: Leslie
Email: beetle444@comcast.net

Last Day Gambled 11/02/03
My Time Zone Eastern

Comments:
Today I am going to once again work on acceptance...There are some things in my life that will remain the same, and cause me
pain...I can either accept that, or go over and over everything in my mind..changing not a thing...so I will chose acceptance, so
I can move forward...I am such a strong willed person that when I set my mind to something I can't let go until it
happens...Well, guess I was taking the same approach to the past..such magical thinking that if I thought it over long enough, I
could somehow change my reality..that path was surely bringing me misery...so today I choose to look ahead and accept my
life, and be grateful for all my blessings...I will also practice tolerance...just because I disagree with something...doesn't mean I
have to prove I am right, cause I may be wrong, or we both could be right in some peoples eyes, so much learning for me, and
I am thankful I have God to guide me....and so many beautiful people....you my brothers and sisters in recovery to walk
with...my angels....A warm welcome to (((((Marie and Chipper)))))) gambling is like a drug...I went through withdrawals...so
go easy on yourselves, and keep it simple....((((Pari))))) welcome back...your "love ya muchly" at the end of your post always
brings a smile to my face...and I love everyone here muchly...((((Jim R)))))so enjoy your company here, and your thought
provoking posts....(((((Sharon C)))) I also am trying to "let go of yesterday and look forward to tomorrow" this process of
recovery so helps me to do that....just love this sharing from the heart....reaching out with love...so beautiful......Big
congratulations to all ((((((MILESTONERS)))))) today and huggin you ((((ALL))))) tight...Ysir, Leslie
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/04/04
From: CG Hub

Comments:
Congrats to the milestones.
Sam.Z 9-04-99
Kelly I 10-4-00
Dean F. 3-4-01
Desmond B. 7-4-01
Vince B. 3-4-02
Judy G 6-4-02
Renee C. 12-4-02
Lloyd T. 12-04-01
Bo W. 7-4-03

I am sorry, but the new prrgram data base fried two days ago with the hard drive freezing in the Hub server. If you had signed
up for the new LDG program, we lost all the data.

If you are celebrating a milestone at the GA incraments, please mention it in your posts.

We are going to install a secound external hard drive to the server that is auto backed up daily to prevent this from happening
again. This is a big learning process for us. Again, please accept my apologies.
YBIR
Charlie P
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/04/04
From: Paula,ok
Email: harrisppp49@aol.com

Last Day Gambled 11-27-03

Location Oklahoma

Comments:
Good morning everyone. I missed a couple of days posting. And just wanted to drop in and say I'm still fighting this battle of
finding different ways of coping with life. Gambling is not an option because I am completely powerless over it. I see this site
has been busy helping each other, and that is good. The love shown here is outstanding. For now, as I work through steps 1 -
3, I'll continue to make plans NOT to gamble, just as I made plans to go gambling. Watching a movie last night at home; there
was a scene where the actors were in a casino; and just looking at those machines; the sevens and stuff; was a slight trigger;
but I quickly dismissed the temptation from my mind; by remembering how bad I would feel if I jumped up and went. For me,
it takes days to get over being disappointed in my lack of control. So, everyday away I feel a little stronger. Not cocky; like it
over; just a little stronger; and more hopeful. I hope everyone has a good, gamble-free day today. And thank you to the ones
with lots of clean time who keep encouraging and setting examples. Congratulations to all reaching milestones; whether it is
one hour, one day, one week, one month, or lots of time. Be blessed today..
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/04/04
From: Patty
Email: oconnorpatti@hotmail.com

Location Ireland
Comments:
Hi All
Welcome to all those that are either new or back posting.....I love to see new faces....lol.....
In reading this morning I am thinking about the 3rd step...Made a decision to turn our wills and our lives over to the care of G-
d as we understood him....
That step is difficult I know but my sponsor said to me once you only have to make the decision....
I used to find it so hard to understand the steps not to mind put them into practice......T-day I break up the sentence's....and it
helps me ...
Daily vigilance will turn out to be a small price to pay for my peace of mind......
Peace of mind ...a spiritual awakening...as someone else said about our health....that is so true the pressure we put on
ourselves during the crazy years does take its toll on our bodies and our souls and our very being.......T-day I know if I just do
my best....then my HP will do the rest...
Have a good day and also i would like to add...not all my days are so wonderfull and things around me are not as I would like
them to be...but i do have peace of mind and acceptance most of time....to me how I cope with "stuff"" makes it a wonderfull
day
Thank you all for listening to me...
Patty....
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/04/04
From: Dal B.
Email: dalbert_b@yahoo.com

Last Day Gambled 1/02/04

Location Vancouver, WA

My Time Zone Pacific

Comments:
Good morning all,


It's snowing again here..I expect another 3 inches. I think that part of the past few weeks, was due to the snow and the feeling
of "I can't do anything I guess I'll gamble" and so, this wiped out alot of money..It's gone, it's not coming back..I'll get over it.
As long as I don't download the software, I'm ok...Reading a book nice and thick...Interesting so this is helpful.



In a way, the meds I take also hurt and help. They help by getting rid of my "Dark Thoughts" but they also hurt by making me
forget the pain of losing.



Well, that's all...Chaired meeting yesterday...One member seemed to be...Upset about how I ran it, but I ignored it as she's
kind of a "Stickler" to procedure. And had a "Newcomer" join us...I HATE that I had planned to get his phone number and call
him and say "Nice to see you and come again"



Big plans sure a step at a time as always.



A JOKE:



Husband and wife hit a small diner for breakfast. The husband orders and then the wife, but she's got a few requests



"I want the bacon burned, the eggs runny and the toast underdone"



Waitress looks at her and says:
"Eaten here before haven't you?"




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/04/04
From: Sharon C
Email: sharon@cablerocket.com

Location Ontario

My Time Zone Est

Comments:
Good Morning everyone. I was on the chat line last night with several other people and it is so great to see the love and
support that everyone shows for their fellow cg in crisis. I was so upset last night feeling guilty as my husband is in the ICU
with heart problems. I feel that I have contributed to this problem causing so many financial difficulites with my gambling. Not
that I don't take responsibility for this, but knowing that all of you understand what I am feeling makes it a little easier.
I am trying to let go of yesterday and look forward to tomorrow. This is a very scary process as we don't know what tomorrow
will bring we only have today.
I appreciate all of your kind and encouraging words and please know that I am here for you as well.

Take care
Sharon C
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/04/04
From: Jim R
Email: wingnut1285@yahoo.ca

Last Day Gambled 6/25/03
Location Barrie, Ont.

Comments:
Good morning hubbers,
((((Pari)))) Great to hear from you, happy you're safe & having fun. Thanks for the email. Made my morning.

Well what a day yest., closest I've come to going out in a long time. Had a good chunk of HALT going. Not to often I'm
hungry...lol, but had the angry, lonely & tired thing going on, add in a big helping of PAIN & not a good mix. HP saved me, had
to, cause if it was up to me I would have been out there with a beast under each arm. Finally read Beyond 90 days yest., pretty
safe to say I've gotten complacent. Looking back can see when it started, before crap hit the fan at home, when I suspected
something was up with my wife, that became my focus instead of recovery. Bottom line I have to focus on recovery again,
leave marriage alone & turn it over to HP, I can't deal with it right now. Without recovery my life would be crap, the few things
I didn't lose before wouldn't be around to long if I go back out. So recovery has to come first, this is a life & death program for
me, guess i needed reminding of that yest.... Pain is Gods way of getting your attn.... ugh... so true for this RCG. Thanks for
listening....ybir Jim
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/04/04
From: Chipper
Email: chipper01967@comcast.net

Last Day Gambled 01/01/04

Location New jersey

My Time Zone EST

Comments:
Making yet another attempt to abstain from Gambling. Hope to be able to contribute soon.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/04/04
From: Dave Of Beckenham
Email: gadaveuk@yahoo.com

Last Day Gambled 1992 August
Location Calgary

Comments:
My name is Dave I am a compulsive Gambler and will be till the day I DIE! Serenity prayer advises me that I do not control
others! Yet once I started to change I noticed people changed towards me. So I found that confusing. People saying they love
me. They trust me. I like you. The truth was I did not like or love myself. A also learnt to become healthy I needed balance in
my life. Even though I am retired I need time to fill my needs duties or responsabilities. I need sleep but also need time for me
and time for sharing. That includes communicating. GA at one time became obsession. So I needed to understand me and my
needs. What is healthy and unhealthy. What is good for me may not be right for others. Some times you hear people say I am
not ready. That in its self is good. Some have been honest to tell me what you say I never understood till... As we change our
values change. Some fidn their conscience hard to cope with yet I have found my conscience in now my best freind, it is me.
Recovery is about how I feel about myself and my life. Before I turned to my addictions my life was out of control. I use to get
a buzz out of doing naughty things. The more teh risk the bigger teh buzz. I was risking my life and limb before my addictions.
I did not value myself or my life. I lacked the ability to communicate or conductr myself in life. I felt inadeqaute insecure lonely
angry hurt before my addictions. My very first bet I can remeber was when I was about 7 or 8 years old on the boat from New
York to the UK. Before that age I was a physical and emotional victim of my alcoholic Gambling father. I arrived in UK already
angry hurt and confused. Things got worse from then on. So once I abstained from gambling I needed to sort myself out and
understand me and who and what I had become. My memories of my childhood were lonely and painful. The worst kind of pain
was emotional. In time I have learnt to be kind to me. To beable to expressive with out being agressive. According to Dr Phil I
was a passive agressive. A bomb ready to explode. That was me alright. Once you name it you can do some thing about it.
Calgary was where it all began. Now I can see it will be where it all ends. Decision to buy home was made and now we go
through the financial process which is unsettling having to be mature and take responsability. Shirley & I sat in Swiss Chalet
and talked how we felt about way thinsg are going now. It felt healthy and good. The house we decided on is us. Open warm
and welcoming. I took some photos. Shirley feels unsettled going back to the UK. Boxes almost ready to go back to storage till
we take over home. Will not be till April. It can still go wrong but as far as we are concerned we are willing to accept the worst.
Tourer is becoming a pain but I am not loosing it over it yet. My choice today is to not let things get to me. I can accept teh
worst that can happen with out taking it personnally. Healthy banter is good. But I have learnt that aggressive confrontation
can scare people away from what should be healthy enviroment. Recover places should be freee of agessive problems. I have
seen faces of people who have been affected by agression. I arrived in GA full of fear. I think it hard to remember how
frightened and lost I was. We have had people banging tables shouting verbal abuse swearing and it did not healp one bit. If
any thing it was detrmental to my recovery. Funny thing it was nearly always the same people who could not let go and move
on from their emotional ties to pain and furstration. It demonstrated to me where I did not want to go in recovery. I have
learned from the negatives and teh pssitives in GA. When you see the black and whites it makes it so much clearer. I told my
consellor once I do not enjoy hositals or needles but do enjoy a good nights sleep. When I was questioned it was clear that
drug induced sleep is not normal. But it felt so good to sleep like that so much so I did not want to wake up. I thought it may
have been a reluctance to face myself and my world? That kind of sleep is not normal. But it was what I thought was normal. In
arriving in GA I di not who or what I was. Today I am still learning to be myself. I still play the kid when it suits me. Ribbing is
rapant in our sons home. Shirley ahs to stay alert to be with both of us. I need to sit driving test this week. Put boxes into
storage and arrange for alternative place to stay. Mark will be celebrating 30th Birthday in march. But it all depends if he has to
go into hospital to have stone removed Monday. Life is so linked and weaved into other things. I never knew or appreciated
how much planning was required to live a normal life? What ever normal is. In being in GA I have that normal was not what I
wanted. I wanted better for mysel and my family. When mark saw house we have chosen his eyes lit up. He was not thinking of
us but when we snuff it it will become his. His honesty was embarressing to the realtor. Then it turns out that Mark once
worked at place where realtor use to work. She was looking at Mark like she knew him but could not place when. Small world.
To think that we came together on one meeting yet my family was came from the uk? Well 7.30 and today we seal deal with
home. This maturity thing certainly needs soem getting use to? Throat infection will not let go of me. I am certain I will be able
to lower medications by minimum of third once we are settled here. South looks good while Shirley is in the UK. I am going to
have problem communicating with her as she will have no telephone. But I am sure we will sort it out like usual. Feeling is a
aprt of my life today. Fear is less of a thing of the past. Gratitude grows each day for who I am and what I am becoming.
Sincerety prayer needed most of the time. Life is less painful and more joyful to be in today. Bet is not worth loosing how I feel
today. Love to all Dave.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/04/04
From: apology for Ian

Comments:
Sorry about the joke...I take it back...I need to learn to have more tolerance of other people's opinions. Too quick was I with
my trigger finger...Feel bad about it...Sorry.
Not a justification, but I was concerned for how my fellow CG's, already in so much pain, might react to the post....still no
excuse...just "I apologize".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/04/04
From: Tess

Comments:
(((Pari))) glad you are ok.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/04/04
From: Tess
Email: twest1117@sbcglobal.net

Comments:
Hi, I'm Tess a compulsive gambler. I am going to start this day by asking my HP to help me stay gamble free today. I am going
to try to be grateful today. I hope everyone has a good gamble free day today.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/04/04
From: paradise
Email: pari1717@yahoo.com

Last Day Gambled 9/26/03

Comments:
Hello everyone. Pari here and sure nice to be back on line with you all.

I had a wonderful trip coming over and having a nice time visiting family and friends.

I got a connection to the internet in 20 minutes.
Amazing!! (this is supposed to be the third world)I'm so happy.

(((((((((((((Jimbro)))))))))))) I'm so sorry that you were worried abt. me and thought that I was on the plane. Well you see
that I wasn't and I'm safe and sound and having a lot of fun.You are so right. It's amazing how close we become here at the
hub. I was having withdrawal symptoms yesterday. No internet for 24 hrs. ((((Rich)))) are we really becoming addicted to the
Hub?.

((((((((((Gamzezs)))))))))) read your posts. I'm glad it's all out and I'm sorry I wasn't available for you.
Miss you sooooo.

I will try to get to the chats altho being 8:30hrs. ahead of EST. can make it hard.

Sooooooo glad I'm back on.

((((((((Michelle)))))) WTG 7 months. Bisous Bisous,
((((((((Gene)))))))) got the beast locked up in basement here. He's still groaning and mad at me for getting online with you
guys again. He never gives up!!!!!
(((((Tess))))) love ya'

(((((((((Milestoners)))))))) congrats.
(((((((((Sasha's List))))))))love ya' all

Nice to be in contact with my hub family,

Love ya' muchly,

Pari




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/04/04
From: BarbN

Comments:
Active: adj. 1. acting; working 2. causing motion or change 3. lively; agile.

In: prefix no, not, without, non. If *not* or *lack of* is used with the meaning of the base word, the word will be understood.

For example: Inactive -
To be an inactive gambler means to not act, not work, not cause motion or change, not be lively or agile, etc., in the GA
Recovery Program.

Recover: 1. to get back (something lost, etc) 2. to regain (health, etc) 3. to make up for (to recover losses) 4. to save (oneself
) from a fall.
recovery (n): 1. recovering; specif., a) a regaining of something lost b) a return to health.

A good topic indeed. Never would have thought to look up these simple words in the dictionary as they are so basic, but I am
glad I did because it really provided me an opportunity to look at how I am working the program. (my little dictionary is old,
but the basics are covered)

Let me first look at how I am being Active in the GA program. I am actively working on the 12 steps of recovery as outlined in
my GA Combo book, and most recently the AA BB, by calling fellow CG in between meetings, attending face to face meetings,
consulting with a sponsor, taking my own inventory most of the time. When I do not, I am working toward making those
changes, admitting my wrongs, and making amends when possible, acknowledging my character defects, writing about them,
sharing my shortcomings with trusted friends and sponsor, continuing to review the 20 questions and writing about them,
learning how to trust, becoming willing to be open, carrying the message to other compulsive gambler who still suffer,
exercising regularly, eating healthy, and asking for guidance from a HP.

As far as Recovery, I am, through the 12 Steps, working towards getting back something that was lost or recovering my losses
- myself, my values, my heart, dignity, reputation, goodwill, compassion, love of self and others, trust of self and others,
spirituality, a peaceful way of thinking and living, health, my soul, and most of all saving myself from falling back into the pits
of despair by doing the above.

So, I think that I can say that I am a Grateful Active Recovering Compulsive Gambler. KEWL!!!

Does this make me complacent? Only if I become Inactive in the above. Well, that is my truth, my reality for Today.

Thanks for the great food for thought and thanks for listening.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

				
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