Parenting Teenagers

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					Parenting Teenagers
   Challenges facing youths today
   Understanding youth trends
   Understanding our teenagers
   Youths at risk
   How to love our teenagers
SHERMEEN TAN
   18 years working experience
   worked with families, youths and
    families
   Corporate trainer
   BA, MBA and Diploma in Montessori
    method of education
   EQ coach and Behavioural Consultant
Introduction
   15 – 29 years
   13-18 years old

   At what age do we really have to take
    note?

   Parenting teenagers perplexing?
Challenges facing our
teenagers
   Complex world
   Different from those of their parents
   Changing landscape
Challenges facing our
teenagers
   Family :
   Increasing female participation – more
    mothers working
   Increasing smaller extended family
   Both parents working
   Increasing divorce rates
   Decreasing family size
Challenges facing our
teenagers
   Education :
   Increasing educational level
   Students spend more time at school
   Large emphasis on education
   Immense pressures and stress
Challenges facing our
teenagers
   Work :
   Knowledge-based economy
   Increase foreign talents
   Overseas work
   Retrenchment and uncertainty
   Part-time work
Challenges facing our
teenagers
   Leisure :
   Increasing affluence
   Influence of internet and media
   Peer relationships are formed
Youth Trends
   National Youth Council – survey
   Findings :
   Strong relationships between youths
    and parents
   Easier to communicate with mothers
    than fathers
   Generation gap
Youth Trends
   Do not talk to parents about BGR
   Parenting styles – high support-high
    challenge leads to competency and
    well-being
   Friends as emotional support
Understanding our teenagers
   Great changes
   2 major issues :
   Self-definition – Who am I
   Independence
Understanding our teenagers
   Erikson – Identity crisis

   Bandura – Storm and stress

   Tension, dependency, conflicts, peer
    groups, fads and relationships
Understanding our teenagers
   Great changes :
   Physical and Mental
   Teenage clumsiness
   Sexual characteristics are developing
   Intellectual growth spurt
Understanding our teenagers
   Great changes :
   Age of reason
   Think logically

   Thinking about sexuality and marriage
   Questioning about the future
Understanding our teenagers
   Implication:
   Scenarios are different but means of
    expression is the same :
   Music, dance, fashion, fad and
    relationships
Understanding our teenagers
   3 key questions :
   Change of our roles - control and nag
   Our new roles - friend, confidante,
    coach and facilitator
   set clear boundaries wrt time, money,
    friends and behaviour
Understanding our teenagers
   3 key questions :
   Academic change - outsource
   distance in relationships

   different religious inclination -
    independent thinking
Youths at risk
   3 indicators :
   how teenager is using his time
   how he is using his money
   unpredictable behaviour
Youths at risk
   Dysfunctional families/ families under
    stress
   Parents marital relationships
   Wrong/unhealthy peer groups
Youths at risk
   Smoking
   Substance abuse
   Juvenile delinqency
   Suicide rates ( 2 per month )
   Protection orders
   Sexuality
Youths at risk
   16% of youth population
   majority are mainstream teenagers
How to love our teenagers
   Desire to feel connected, accepted and
    nurtured by parents

   Love, listen, communication, empathy
    and bonding
1st Language of love
   Words of affirmation
   Praise – sincere and specific
   Praise both efforts and results

   Words of affection
   “ I love you “
2nd Language of love
   Physical touch
   Hugs, kisses, strokes, massage, arm
    wrestling
   Slaps, pushes, shaking, hitting, shoves,
    choking – abusive
   Do it privately
   Do not touch when teenager is angry
3rd Language of love
   Quality time/activities
   Togetherness
   Guidelines :
   Maintain eye contact
   Listen and give full attention
   Listen for feelings
   Observe body language
3rd Language of love
   Refuse to interrupt
   Ask questions – 5Ws and 1 H
   Express understanding
   Use I statements

   Different levels of Communication
4th Language of love
   Acts of Service
   Service – true expressions of emotional
    love
5th Language of love
   Gifts
   Visible, tangible evidence of love
   Underserved gift
Discovering your teenager’s love
Language
   Ask questions
   Observe
   Experiment
Conclusion
   Every year, ask :

   What/how is my teenager feeling?

   What/how is my teenager thinking?

   How is my teenager behaving?
Conclusion
   Communication – listen, empathy,
    bonding
   Give them space but with boundaries
   EQ for parents
   Multiple intelligence
Conclusion
   Character development/right values
   CCA
   community service/church activities

				
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