When Vulnerability Equals Strength By Carla Tara – The Intimacy Expert We’re now in the depths of winter, and the easygoing open way we commune with nature and each other in the warmth of summer may feel like a distant memory. In the winter, we become more introspective. We communicate more with ourselves – inside our heads and our hearts. Introspection is good. We need time to tune into ourselves to see what we are really thinking and feeling because often we decide to quickly put our feelings on hold to handle urgent work. We need to integrate our experiences to really learn from them. However, sometimes we unconsciously confuse introspection with the avoidance of communicating our inner thoughts and feelings with the person we love. Many times, we may be afraid of how our lover may react to what we need to express. The other day, I was avoiding seeing a man I love, because I subtly resented him for not calling back as soon as I had expected him to. However, I denied even the slightest thought of my being resentful. I told myself that “I am more enlightened than that. I simply want to be by myself. I need time for me right now.” Thankfully, I cannot hide the real truth from myself for long. After some thought, I admitted that I was actually upset, because I had interpreted what I labelled his “lack of action” as my not being important enough for him to call back. I saw the truth within myself, without judging myself – that is forgiving myself for not being perfect. The whole energy behind avoiding communication with him dissolved, and it left me with a fresh view of life. I simply asked him his reason for calling me back late. He responded without defending himself, because he did not feel attacked, and I learned a wonderful lesson. You are the only one who knows the difference between honestly needing time alone to refresh yourself, and avoiding communication because you don’t want to confront a difficult topic and risk being misinterpreted or ending up upset. The key to staying open internally is being open to vulnerability, yet also being strong – knowing that you can trust yourself. Yes, strong enough to face whatever is there in your life, without making drama, as a matter of fact. Carla Tara is an internationally-acclaimed intimacy and relationship coach, who masterfully integrates a variety of tantric approaches with body-oriented psychotherapy. She is known for the strength and creativity of her work as a relationship and sex coach to both individuals and couples, helping them rediscover the passion of their relationships, and deepen intimate connections. You can find out more on her website at CarlaTara.com.