How To Be Vulnerable and Strong

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					When Vulnerability Equals Strength
By Carla Tara – The Intimacy Expert

We’re now in the depths of winter, and the
easygoing open way we commune with nature
and each other in the warmth of summer may
feel like a distant memory. In the winter, we
become more introspective. We communicate
more with ourselves – inside our heads and
our hearts.

Introspection is good. We need time to tune
into ourselves to see what we are really
thinking and feeling because often we decide
to quickly put our feelings on hold to handle
urgent work. We need to integrate our
experiences to really learn from them.

However, sometimes we unconsciously
confuse introspection with the avoidance of
communicating our inner thoughts and
feelings with the person we love. Many
times, we may be afraid of how our lover may
react to what we need to express.

The other day, I was avoiding seeing a man I love, because I subtly resented him for not calling
back as soon as I had expected him to. However, I denied even the slightest thought of my being
resentful. I told myself that “I am more enlightened than that. I simply want to be by myself. I
need time for me right now.”

Thankfully, I cannot hide the real truth from myself for long. After some thought, I admitted that
I was actually upset, because I had interpreted what I labelled his “lack of action” as my not
being important enough for him to call back.

I saw the truth within myself, without judging myself – that is forgiving myself for not being
perfect. The whole energy behind avoiding communication with him dissolved, and it left me
with a fresh view of life.

I simply asked him his reason for calling me back late. He responded without defending himself,
because he did not feel attacked, and I learned a wonderful lesson.

You are the only one who knows the difference between honestly needing time alone to refresh
yourself, and avoiding communication because you don’t want to confront a difficult topic and
risk being misinterpreted or ending up upset.
The key to staying open internally is being open to vulnerability, yet also being strong –
knowing that you can trust yourself. Yes, strong enough to face whatever is there in your life,
without making drama, as a matter of fact.

                        Carla Tara is an internationally-acclaimed intimacy and relationship
                        coach, who masterfully integrates a variety of tantric approaches with
                        body-oriented psychotherapy. She is known for the strength and
                        creativity of her work as a relationship and sex coach to both individuals
                        and couples, helping them rediscover the passion of their relationships,
                        and deepen intimate connections.

                        You can find out more on her website at

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