To Fake or Not To Fake

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					To Fake or Not To Fake
By Carla Tara – The Intimacy Expert

On the Fourth of July, I had an experience that I never had before. I stood right under fireworks
that exploded right above me. While my eyes were taking in the incredible beauty of the show I
was feeling the explosions in my heart. The explosions reminded me of a fantastic, romantic
night I spent the weekend before. I felt little bursts of pleasure in all the cells of my body…
It was awesome. I was feeling so energized and excited that I skipped all the way home.

However, I want you to know that sometimes orgasms can be quiet and very deep. At other
times, you know you are not able to have an orgasm at all. Women sometimes feel that they
have to fake an orgasm with high sounds and fast breathing in order not to disappoint their

Men who might know about explosive orgasms might measure their own ability as lovers, by a
woman’s ability to have explosive orgasms.

What would you do then? You might ask yourself, “should I fake it or not?”
Hopefully, you will trust your partner enough to tell him: “Honey, you know what a great
lover you are and I think you are realty hot, but tonight I think I’m not able to let go.” or
something similar that is true for you. This will save his “sexual self-esteem” and open up to
him in your vulnerability, which is very attractive to men. Most men in that case would love to
cuddle and kiss you until you relax, perhaps into a real orgasm.

When you fake it, you feel a lack of integrity and you may sabotage the relationship. You
might have noticed that after you have an orgasm you feel elated and energetic. But after you
fake one you feel depressed and tired. Sometimes, instead you may want to force an orgasm to
end a sexual encounter. Instead a better choice may be to tell your partner the truth about your
feeling of having enough (for now) and offer to give him a great an orgasm using your other

Faking and forcing orgasms is not what you want to do to nurture your relationship. You
might even unconsously avoid the next sexual encounter, which can really damage your

Regrettably, there are also women who actually are too wounded to have orgasm. But that is a
topic for another post.

                        Carla Tara is an internationally-acclaimed intimacy and relationship
                        coach, who masterfully integrates a variety of tantric approaches with
                        body-oriented psychotherapy. She is known for the strength and
                        creativity of her work as a relationship and sex coach to both individuals
                        and couples, helping them rediscover the passion of their relationships,
                        and deepen intimate connections.

                        You can find out more on her website at

Image © Cosmopol | Stock Free Images & Dreamstime Stock Photos

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