Gentle Sexiness Before Bed by carlatara


									Gentle Sexiness Before Bed
By Carla Tara – The Intimacy Expert

Falling asleep in pleasure opens the body/mind/emotions to healing.

Healing means becoming whole. Healing happens when we are in pleasure. When we connect
with ourselves or with our lover in pleasure, we integrate the sometimes incomplete, unfinished
experience with our higher mind. When that integration happens, the knowledge of what we have
learned and experienced is transmitted to every cell of the body and we heal on a cellular level.

However, on some days a traumatic experience such
as a betrayal or abandonment might have happened
that is so powerful that it cannot be fully integrated
when it happens. The rational mind cannot deal with
that alone.

In fact, often a powerful experience actually stirs up
additional previous betrayals or abandonment
experiences that you did not fully integrate when
they happened the first time.

When we fall asleep in pleasure, the rational mind is
satisfied and relaxed just enough that previous
unintegrated hurtful experiences can come up from
the mental storage we send them to when we are not
safe enough to feel them yet, and now they can be
dealt with in our dreams. When you fall asleep in pleasure, healing can happens whether you
remember your dreams or not.

In dreams, the walls of time we have created are collapsed and we can go back to even preverbal
times when we used our own intimate form of proto-language. An example of this type of
personal self communication (proto language) could be described as the preverbal sounds
gestures or drawings that children use to express themselves and create during play. They use it
to create connections that fulfill the mind’s need for integration to contextualize emotions and
experiences that arise during the day.

These types of proto languages are also at the basis of art therapy.

For instance, if children see their parents fighting they might react emotionally using a form of
proto language. Dreams can also use this and the symbolic language of the collective
unconscious, which Carl Jung made us aware of.

That is why it is important to go to bed relaxed, having dealt with your day as best as you can.
Taking a shower, communicating with your lover if something is left unexpressed, drinking
water so the body can be functioning smoothly during the night, all of this contributes to
preparing the space for sleep to be fully refreshing and healing.

Tantra, the art and science of conscious living and loving, suggests that before going to bed we
also connect with our sex center. After communicating and soul gazing with your lover, it’s good
to honor each other genitals, which can be lingam or yoni massage with your hands or with your
mouth (kissing) or just gently touching each other’s bodies.

If you are alone, make love to yourself or do a Mudra, which is: place one hand on your genitals
and one on your heart, thus establishing the connection between pleasure and love, the greatest
healer of all.

I would love to hear what your experience is. You can write me at

                        Carla Tara is an internationally-acclaimed intimacy and relationship
                        coach, who masterfully integrates a variety of tantric approaches with
                        body-oriented psychotherapy. She is known for the strength and
                        creativity of her work as a relationship and sex coach to both individuals
                        and couples, helping them rediscover the passion of their relationships,
                        and deepen intimate connections.

                        You can find out more on her website at

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