WasIresponsibleformyhusband'saffair

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					   Was I Responsible For My Husband's Affair?
                        Question:

                        "After I found out about my husband's affair, I
                        fell into a deep depression. I'm really trying hard
                        not to let it get me down, and I'm trying hard to
                        keep my spirits up. I mean, I've got my family
                        and my health to be grateful for. And I just feel
                        like my husband's actions shouldn't impact my
                        life like they have and bring everything to a
                        standstill. I shouldn't allow his actions to keep
me from living my life. I've got a lot to be thankful for. And we're
working hard to save our marriage and I feel like we're finally starting
to make some progress.

But his affair has ruined so many things that used to bring me joy. He
took her to a restaurant that we both loved and now I never want to go
back there. She goes to my gym and so I've stopped working out
altogether. We've got kids in the same sports league. So I'm constantly
reminded about what he did. Every day I come face to face with the
past. It's gotten so bad that now I don't even want to leave my house
and go out anywhere.

I feel like everyone around me knows about what happened in the past
and is judging me for it, even though deep down I know it's not true. I
know I'm being over dramatic about it, but I can't help feeling the way I
do. Everything that once brought me joy has been ruined. And I don't
know what to do or how to get things back to the way they were before.

I tell myself that I'm good enough and I try to be strong for the kids, but
I just can't shake my depressed feelings. How can I move past this?”

                         www.survivinganaffairtoday.com                Page 1
   Was I Responsible For My Husband's Affair?
Answer:

Many women have problems with depression as they are trying to
recover from their husband's infidelity and rebuild their life. However,
one of the biggest problems that many women have when they are
talking about this is that the feel that somehow they are to blame or
responsible for their husband's cheating ways.

Understand That This Is Not Your Fault

 As was mentioned before, many women struggle with depression
because they feel like they're not strong enough to overcome their
feelings. But in reality, inner strength doesn't have much to do with it at
all. I'll explain below:

People all around the world in every walk of life are hurt daily by
infidelity. And if you find yourself struggling with your emotions after
an affair it doesn't mean that you're weak or not strong. The reason
you're struggling right now is because you've been hurt by someone
you love. Don't fault yourself for that. And don't expect that you're
going to overcome something as devastating as an affair right away.
However, if you want to overcome your feelings, you'll need more than
just a determined spirit. Sometimes what you really need is more time
and in certain circumstances, help from others.

If you're going to blame anyone in the relationship for your feelings it
should be for your husband who cheated on you. The tragedy here is
that not only are you depressed, but you're also blaming yourself for
something you had no control over. You didn't do anything wrong and
you didn't deserve what happened to you and accepting this is the first
step to recovery.
                        www.survivinganaffairtoday.com                Page 2
   Was I Responsible For My Husband's Affair?
How to Improve Your Situation Bit By Bit:

Understand there's going to be tough days ahead for you. There will be
days when you don't even want to get out of bed or do anything
constructive. This is normal so don't be alarmed. It doesn't mean that
you're weak but you do need to counter these emotions with
something positive.

Chances are you're going to have to force yourself to go out and have a
good time. This can be several things like going out with friends, going
to the gym or watching a funny movie, but either way, it's important to
break the cycle of depression with positive activities, especially when
you feel like you've got no control over your feelings.

I understand that you can't control your feelings or when they come
but you can control how you react to them and what you do about
them. So you have two choices. You can either give into them or you
can go out and be proactive and replace the negative feelings with
positive ones. I'm not saying that this will work 100% of the time, but if
you try and make a habit of doing positive things, eventually you'll start
to feel better for longer periods of time.

Withdrawing from people and life may seem like the sensible thing to
do at times, but in reality, this is the worst thing you can do. Reach out
to someone, a family member or a friend but use them as a resource to
get things off your chest. Sharing your emotions with others is a great
way to get some perspective in your life as well as some much needed
relief. Even a small reprieve from your depressed feelings can make a
world of difference to how you feel and look at life.


                        www.survivinganaffairtoday.com               Page 3
   Was I Responsible For My Husband's Affair?
If there are people you can't stand to see, or places you can't stand to
go, there's nothing wrong with totally avoiding them until you feel
better. It doesn't do you or your health any good by making yourself
feel worse than you already do simply to make a point. Listen to your
heart and follow it. You'll know when it's time to move forward. Forcing
yourself to do it will only frustrate you and the healing process. You
don't need to prove anything to anyone.

If none of the tips I've mentioned above helps you with your depression
after your husband's affair, you may want to consider getting some
professional help. You don't deserve to live with this type of pain,
especially when you had nothing to do with it. Often the right person
can help you overcome your emotional turmoil and provide you with
the relief you need to survive an affair, but you need to be willing to ask
for help. There's no need to suffer any longer so get the help you need
so that you can move on with your life.

The Bottom Line

At the end of the day, you were not responsible for your husband’s
affair because he was the one that went out and cheated on you. It’s up
to him to change, but he may need your help.

For more information on how to cope with an affair, check out the
most comprehensive guide online that takes you by the hand as an
individual as well as together as a couple and shows you exactly what
to do to improve your marriage and move past the pain of an affair
here.

If you liked his article please visit www.survivinganaffairtoday.com for
more informative articles like this.
                        www.survivinganaffairtoday.com                Page 4

				
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