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Famiglia Italiano Famille Francais Madre Mere Padre Pere Figlia .doc


									Famiglia Italiano                                                      Famille Francais
Madre                                                                  Mere
Padre                                                                  Pere
Figlia (daughter) “Romy Ovilla”                                        Fils (son) – “Joe le Ette”

Donkey Family                                                          Elephant Family
Don Key (Donkey, Shrek) – father                                       Eli Phant (Horton- Dr. Seuss) – father
Donna Key (Eyore-like) – mother                                        Ellie Phant (cheerleader happy) – mother
Donny Key (Nestor, Dr. Seuss – always speaks in rhyme) – son                    Ella Phant (Heffalump) – daughter

Pigeons who sit on top of statue – one always not in sync with the other
Peter & Paul

Grounds Keeper/Street Sweeper
Mary – a Carol Burnett character

Street Vendors
Hot dogs/pretzels                  Fireworks                 Maps                        Fortune Teller
Foam Crown Sales                   Street Musician           Ferry Operator              Greenpeace(Save the Trees)

Military Service Men and Women
Army             Air Force                  Navy             Marines

Other roles or cameos:
    James Cagney - playing George M. Cohan in Yankee Doodle Dandy - Entertainer
    Two living Statue of Liberty characters. One up on a pedestal with pigeons and one in a “resting” area. Film this statue
        napping, shaving, having a cup of coffee, doing nails, going into toilet with Sunday NY Times…etc. Every once in a while
        the statues will relieve each others like lifeguards!
    Jane Addams – housing director

Lines we need to use:
     “Kerfuffle”
     “One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish”
     “We American’s have been kicked out of all the best countries in the world”
     “Don’t tread on me, don’t sneeze on me, don’t hug me” (Swine Flu reference)
     “Because everyone has a right to be foreclosed”
     “What happens in America. Stays in America.”
     “I did not have take a class with that woman”

Songs we like to hear used:
America (from West Side Story)                  I’m so glad we’ve had this time together (Carol Burnett theme song)
American Pie                                    We’re Coming To America, Neil Diamond
Take me out to the ballgame                     School House Rock America
Yankee Doodle Dandy                             Nobody here but us chickens
Favorite TV Theme Songs (Lisanne has CD) Come on baby light my fire

Elephant Family – Red                       Donkey Family - Blue
     Disney                                 Nickelodeon
     Burger King                            McDonalds
     Key Lime Cove                          Timber Ridge
Italian Family – becomes Red                French Family – becomes Blue

Prologue – Establishes the Theme
Act I Scene 1 – Ellis Island speeches by Elephant and Donkey families
       Scene 2 – French and Italian families in their homes deciding to be red or blue
         Scene 3 – French & Italian kids meet – prep for parade
         Scene 4 – Parade event – statue of liberty disappears
Act II   Scene 1 –
         Scene 2 –
         Scene 3 –


Statue: Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame, with conquering limbs astride from land to land; here at our sea-washed, sunset
        gates shall stand a mighty woman with a torch, whose flame is the imprisoned lightning, and her name Mother of Exiles.
        From her beacon-hand glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command the air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.
        "Keep ancient lands, your storied pomp!" cries she with silent lips. "Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses
        yearning to breathe free, the wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me; I lift my
        lamp beside the golden door!"

Peter:   Why do we have to take all their tired and poor?

Paul:    One thing I love about living in America is it's every different type of person piled one on top of the other. I’m all
         for open immigration, but that sign we have in the front of the Statue of Liberty, "Give us your tired, your poor,
         your huddled masses." Can't we just say, "Hey, the door's open. We'll take whoever you got."? Do we have to
         specify "The wretched refuse?"

Peter:   You mean like us…a couple of pigeons and a street cleaner?

Statue: Hey, sometimes you’re the pigeon and sometimes you’re the statue…

Paul:    Well why not just say, "Give us the unhappy, the slow, the people that can't Twitter, people that have trouble
         merging, if they can't stay in their seat, if they don't turn their phones off during theatrical performances, if they
         can't parallel park, if they don’t sneeze into their elbow, if they have bad cursive, if they don't return calls, if they
         have food between their teeth,

Peter:   That’d be you Paul

Paul:    (gives Peter a look and continues) if they forget their library books, if they don’t laugh at Playmaker’s Jokes (if
         they are from Field School)… In other words, anyone that you can somehow cattle prod onto a wagon, send them
         over. We want them."

Mary:    And what do we do once we get them?

P&P:     (look at each other, shrug, fly up to the statue) Wing it!

“America” from West Side Story or “America” by Neil Diamond or whatever the music committee chooses…
Immigrants coming down both aisles carrying country flags cross on stage and go off opposite wing singing. Between stanzas of the
songs immigrants speak.

Song Stanza
(Theme – Political Oppression/Dictatorship song lyrics we came up with at meeting: no kings and queens, no
guillotine, cheap gasoline, no need to show your green card)

Pere:    I came to America to escape political oppression and dictatorship. No one tells me what to do. (Sheepishly) Is
         that ok with you, cherie?

Song Stanza
(Theme: Freedom of Speech)

TBD1: I came to America for freedom of speech and I like that it’s ok for me to criticize America with my freedom of
      speech. That’s what freedom of speech is all about!

Song Stanza
(Theme: Education. Song lyrics that came from meeting: chances to learn, going to school, sharpen our brains,
learning is cool, we make the rules)
TBD 2: I came to America to learn my tree arse (Three R’s)

TBD3: Whadda ya mean tree arse?
TBD2: Reading, Righting and Rithmatic.
TBD3: Are you going to learn how to speak too?

Song Stanza
(Theme: Religious Freedom. Song lyrics that came from meeting: no one can say we can’t pray)
TBD 4: I came here for religious freedom. I came here so that I could worship…
TBD 4:…in the way I wanted to worship.
TBD 5: That man is a GOD!

Song Stanza
(Theme: Freedom of Religion. Song lyrics that came from meeting: plenty of jobs)
TBD6: I came to America to work in the auto industry…would you like fries with that?
TBD7: You must be a former GM employee…

Song Stanza
(Theme: Food. Song lyrics that came from meeting: plenty to eat, eat like a pig, waistlines are wider)
Padre: I came here for the 24-hour all you can eat NEW Country Buffet.
Madre: Oh thank heaven for 7-11
Figlia: Da Da Da Da Da…I’m Lovin’ It!
Peter: Bun Seed Sesame A On Onions Pickles Cheese Lettuce Sauce Special Patties Beef All Two

Song Stanza
(Theme: Housing. Song lyrics that came from meeting: houses are big)
TBD8: I came to America to own a home…some day, somewhere, somehow! I’ll have a lot to choose from as soon as
my credit score hits 10,000. Does anyone know a good real estate agent with some free time? What’s your

Song Stanza/Song ends


Act 1 Scene 1

On the dock. Ellis Island. Families enter Donkeys on Left wearing blue with white stars shirts and Elephants on Right wearing
red with white stripes shirts. Pigeons on perch are flip-floppers. They wear double billed baseball caps – one side red, one side
blue. French and Italian families enter, suitcases in hand fresh off the boat looking tired, lost and confused.

Peter:   I didn’t know people came to America for all those reasons.

Paul:    And I didn’t know those Playmaker’s could sing so well.

Mary:    Well then you should clean the crud (Field School songs) out of your ears?

Peter:   Hey, look over there! Here we go again.

Donkey walks toward newcomers.

Paul:    Uh Oh (points) the donkey’s gonna try to pull an Elephant out of his…

Don:     HEE HAW (shaking hands with everyone on the dock)

Mary:    He’s been hoofing it all week. Every boat that comes in he’s been recruiting votes for school board president

Don:     HEE HAW…(walking center stage) wish I had a million bucks! Hello New Americans. Gather around. (Italians
         and French look around to see who he’s talking to). Allow me to introduce myself. I’m Donald Corneilius Nestor
         Krackazinskey but my friends, and that includes you, call me Don Key for short! I’m running for School Board President
         (statue leans left). And I’m gonna tell you what I stand for and why you should vote for me. First of ALL…..

Eli:     (interjects and immigrants look right) First of ALL there’s too many of YOUR kind on the school board
         already(statue leans right)!

Don:     (ignoring) Ya know what (immigrants look left), before I talk about my platform, let me introduce you to my
         family. THIS is my lovely wife Donna.

Donna: (like Eyore) Oh hi. Don wants to run for the school board. I guess I’ll have to put signs in the lawn again. There
       goes my bunko night cause now I’ll have to drive little Donny to soccer (sigh). More miles on the Odyssey. You should
       support him hee haw…(everyone starts to fall asleep, sit down, look at their watch)

Madre: Bunko? (looking through her translation book) Is that where they sleep in America?

Don:     (overly enthusiastic) Thanks hon! And this is my, I mean our (puts arm around Donna) son, little Donny – he’s a
         chip off the old… HEE HAW

Donny: Don’t be a Fool. Stay in school, then you’ll be cool and you can vote my Daddy, he’s a Big Jack, Uhhh…I mean
       Mule. So don’t be cruel while you sit on your stools…

Don:     (interrupting) OK good rhyming you little Jack…uhhh Donny! And this is why we need more schooling (statue leans left)?
         Folks, if I’m voted school board president I won’t rest until every school passes the blue rule.

Pere:    What’s a blue rule?

Paul:    (Elbows Peter) They don’t know what the blue rule is!

Mary:    (to Papa) Doncha (don’t ya) know the blue rule? (to pigeons) He doesn’t know the blue rule… (shaking her head)

Peter:   Every day that ends in Y is a day kids should be in school!

Don:     (play it up to the kids in the first rows) RIGHT KIDS???

Eli:     That’s Preposterous (immigrants look right) everyone knows this is a red rule town (statue leans right)!

Don:     We’ll let the people decide and they’re gonna vote for change! New Americans (addressing
         immigrants) in our house we only watch Nickelodeon. It’s Nick at Nite or NOTHIN’. Why, Donna and I can’t sleep until we
         watch our favorite trifecta – The Cosby Show, The Nanny, and Home Improvement…

Joe:     Oh boy,TV! When are we going to get our TV?

Donny: (sings) Who lives in a pineapple under the sea…(motions to audience to sing “SpongeBob SquarePants”)

Mere:    See a pineapple? Where?

Eli:     Wait a minute, wait a minute, NOW JUST HOLD ON HERE!! (Immigrants look right). Before you get on your
         BORAX soap box… I want an opportunity to speak on my beHALF to our new arrivals…

Don:     (bows condescendingly) Of course, please, be my guest, (lean out to the audience) …his HALF is a lot more
         then most WHOLES I might add… (back to Eli) take all the time you need!!!

Eli:     Folks, I don’t have a fancy name, I’m just plain Eli Phant. My wife Ellie and my daughter Ella are the
         peanuts of my eyes…

Ellie:   (Sarah Palin) We want to thank you for coming to America today! We’re thrilled you chose the USA as your destination.
         You’re just gonna love it here! I can tell we’re going to be the best of…

Ella:    (shy, embarrassed, through gritted teeth) Mother! (Realizes everyone is looking at her) Ummm hi. I’m Ella.

Eli:     And…

Ella:    …And…

Ellie:   Come on honey don’t’ be shy! Hey! I know… Let’s do the E-Phant Family Cheer!

Romy: (Looking at her parents) Family cheer?

Eli:     Yes! Let’s!

Phants: Red Rule! Much Less School! Don’t be a mule! Goooooo E Phants! Hooray! (Statue leans right)

Don:     Are you through? (Immigrants look left)

Eli:     Haven’t even warmed up yet. The first thing I want to do is reply to your Nick at Night reference. We only
         watch the Disney Channel. It’s wholesome, all-American, educational TV and HENCE the reason why
         we DO NOT need additional school days…(statue leans right).

Ella:    You’ve got Hannah Montana’s and The Jonas Brother’s Show

P&P:     It’s The Best of Both Worlds!

Ellie:   And the Mickey Mouse Club and those darling Mousketeers! Why we wouldn’t have Brittney Spears or Justin
         Timberlake if it weren’t for the Mickey Mouse Club!

Padre:   I thought Elephants were afraid of mice???

Eli:     Disney is a classic (Statue leans right). Disney is the original. That is why we align ourselves with Disney.

Don:     Well, speaking of originals... WE only eat at McDonald’s (immigrants look left. Statue leans left). For every
         day dining we go to the drive thru but for special occasions
Donny: Like Christmas,

Don:     Don’t forget Birthdays and Anniversaries too….. And that’s when WE! EAT! IN!

Donna: Best Scottish food I’ve ever eaten.

Eli:     McDonalds??? WE only eat Burger King (statue and immigrants RIGHT) where we can have FLAME
         BROILED burgers OUR way!

Ellie:   (fanning herself) and that King is” SMOKIN!!!’…

Don:     Ha! That’s a lie. Speaking of Whoppers (immigrants look left)! I saw you at the Wendy’s Last week!!

Eli:     That wasn’t me (immigrants look right). I mean it was ME but it wasn’t FOR me. It was for a friend of mine
         who is temporarily residing at the PR Animal Hospital, He wanted a Frosty…

Peter    They take Elephants There???

Don:     Uh huh (immigrants look left). Sure it was. Ok, anyway…back to me. Now that you’re in America you’ll have
         the opportunity to vacation at some of the most beautiful places on earth. Donna and I here met, married and
         honeymooned at the cozy ambience of Timber Ridge Lodge & Waterpark at the Grand Geneva (statue leans left)

Peter:   featuring spacious suites with kitchenettes, whirlpool tubs, private, bedrooms, fireplaces — and a year-round waterpark.
         Rooms and packages starting at $199…

Joe:     We just spent three months on a boat. I don’t want to go to a park on the water…

Eli:     Are you kidding me (immigrants look right)? Timber Ridge. HA! The Wilderness Hotel and Golf
         Resort (statue leans right) is America’s Largest Waterpark Resort.

Paul:    The Wilderness excites guests with loads of slides, thrills, lazy rivers

Mere:    (hitting her husband in the arm) Cherie, even the rivers here are lazy. Perfect!

Paul:    two huge wavepools,

All Immigrants look confused and wave

Paul:    and featuring the Lost World with Halley’s Comet Racers.

All immigrants look up to the sky

Peter:   (interrupts Paul from continuing) Ok, now that we’ve thoroughly confused them…

Mary:    Well I guess the voters will decide. The choices are clear – More school, Nickelodeon, McDonalds and Timber Ridge or
         Less school Disney Channel, Burger King and The Wilderness. It’s a dog eat dog world out there…

Paul:    It’s amazing anyone stays in this pigeon-holed country!

Act 1, Scene 2

(Both immigrant families on stage-lighting focuses on family speaking, family not speaking in dark)

Light on Italian Family

Romy     Papa, are we still Italian, or are we American now?

Statue   You know, I think I have some Italian blood in me…

Dad      We’re Italian American.

Mary     From the looks of it you have NO blood in you

Romy     Does that mean we can’t eat spumoni anymore?

Mom      Of course we can eat spumoni, and we can eat cookie dough too. But stay away from Chef Boy-

         Ar-Dee – that’s not real Italian food!

Paul     You’re rather green (looks to Peter) wouldn’t you say?

Romy     How about Franco American?

Dad      No, no, no. That’s not food – he was a running back for the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Lights Out

Light on French Family

Joe      Mama’, are we French, or are we American now?

Mom      We are French American.

Statue   Hey! I’m French American. I was born in France and I’ve been standing in this puddle here in America for a hundred and
         twenty three years now.

Joe      Does that mean I can still wear my beret?

Peter    123? No kiddin? No wonder you’re so green. You should lay down. Take a load off. Get some rest…

Dad      Of course you can wear your beret. And you can wear a new baseball cap, too. But remember

         never eat French’s mustard. It is not real mustard. And it’s certainly not…… Grey Poupon.

Mom      And when you grow up and are old enough to have wine and cheese parties – never drink your

         wine out of a box, or whiz your cheese out of a can.

Statue Knucklehead. But back to my Italian blood. Look it’s simple. If the French hadn’t gotten their feet wet defeating the
Italians so many times then they wouldn’t have had a strong enough military to help the American’s defeat the British in 1776. If the
French hadn’t helped the Americans win the revolutionary war then this would be a British Colony. The French and the British don’t
give each other gifts so the only reason I’m here is because the Americans won the war and became America

Mary:    Lady, where are you going with this?

Statue: Hold on. I’ll get there

Paul:    But we don’t have another 123 years

Peter:   We don’t have another 123 minutes…

Statue: Have you ever heard “to the victor belong the spoils”?

Mary:    That the story of their digestive tracks (points to Peter and Paul)

Peter:   What does that mean?

Mary:    It means the winner gets all the booty.

Paul:    Booty?

Statue: Loot, goods, best of the best. Don’t you see? Sculpting is an Italian art form. The French are painters. Bertholdi sculpted
        me. Bertholdi ends in an i. French names don’t end vowels. I was sculpted by an Italian.

Mary:    You’ve had a lot of time to think about this, huh?

Statue: Yeah. Kinda

Paul:    Well if you’re Italian then we must be Colombo (“Colombo” is Italian for pigeon or dove)

Peter:   You can be Colombo. I wanna be Rambo!

Lights Out

Light on Italian Family

Madre (to Dad) Honey, why don’t we talk about what we heard yesterday at Ellis Island? That

         Eli-Phant really seemed to connect with me. His speech seemed really HEAVY. Especially the

         part about the ‘magic kingdom’.

Peter:   (sings) He ain’t heavy…

Padre    Yeah, and I kinda like this Burger King guy. He’s the king of the castle…….just like me, right,


Mary:    THAT’S a Whopper!

Madre yeah, yeah, yeah, you always have it your way.

Romy     Yeah, Dad, you’re the king – but I just like that school thing.

Madre Mama Mia! The next thing you know you’ll want to watch TV all day.

Romy     Not all day, mama - Just some of the day. Like I’ve been watching Nickelodeon like you and Papa said,

         but their shows are just no match for Disney.

Dad      What!!!

Mom      What!!!

Kid      What?????

Lights Out

Light on French Family

Pere     Now my darlings, I think we should forget about the mustard and the cheese and the wine, and

         start to discuss who we liked better in yesterday’s speeches at Ellis Island. I really got a kick out

         of that Don-Key (Statue Leans Left)

Mary:    He’s stubborn as a mule that one!

Mere     I love the driving-through part. Sometimes with two lanes!

Joe      I like it too – especially that Nuu-gett food. And I will learn how to spell it correctly when I go to

         school seven days a week.

Peter:   Better chicken nugget than pigeon nugget!

Mere     Ahhh, mon cher. I cannot wait to – how do you say…. Car-poooool.

Joe      Even though I love the nuu-gett, they do not fill me up like a Whopper does-OOOOPS!

Pere     What!!!

Mere     What!!!

Joe      What?????

Lights Out

Both Italian and French Families in spotlight

Dads     (both) Hey kid – when you live under my roof – you follow my rules!!!!

Madre & Padre                        We declare! We’re with Mr. Eli-Phant – we are going to be a Red Familia!!

Mere & Pere                          We declare! We’re with Mr. Don-Key – we are going to be a Blue Famille!!

Kids from both families’ huff and puff, storming off of the stage

Peter:   (shaking dice) 10 to 1 odds says the kids are gonna shake up their parents world view

Paul     and create a color of their own!

Statue: I’ve got 10 (holds up two fists) that says your both wrong.

Mary     Isn’t it time to sing a song already?

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Act 1 Scene 3

Kids in a huff return to Ellis Island where they meet up on a bench each wearing their family shirt. Romy has a McDonald’s bag and
Joe has a Burger King bag. In background Elephants and Donkeys greeting new immigrants (silently). Pigeons fly over to kids on
bench and coo annoyingly.

Romy    We don’t have pigeons where I come from

Mary    That’s because they eat pigeons where you come from

P&P      Coo coo coo

Joe     Yeah, us too. They taste great…Pigeon cordon bleu…my favorite!

P&P     coo coo coo

Romy    Where are you from?

Joe     France. You?

Romy    Italy. Didn’t I see you on the docks yesterday?

Joe     Yeah. I was there. I arrived with my PARENTS

Romy    Parents! Huh I know all about it.

Joe     Hey are your parents all wrapped up in this blue red thing?

Romy    Yeah. Can you believe it? My parents like the red like Italian marinara sauce. They, how you say (looks in phrase book)
        “reamed” me for wanting to watch the Disney Channel instead of Nickelodeon

Joe     And I just got, how you say, (grabs phrase book and looks) “chewed me out” for wanting to eat a Whopper (eyes Romy’s
        burger king bag longingly) instead of Le Big Mac all because my parents like the blue like French bleu cheese.

Romy    Boy life can be tough in America for a kid

Joe     I know what you mean. At home we had no choices but here we have too many.

Donny and Ella Enter

Donny We couldn’t help but overhear you’re having some parent problems. (points to Ella) Us too.

Ella    Yeah. Donny and I have been trying to be friends for years but our parents won’t let us.

Romy    Your parents pick your friends for you? That doesn’t sound like freedom.

Joe     I thought they only did that in the old countries

Donny They pick our birthdates, our kindermusik classes, our second language, pottery barn nursery theme, our college scholarship
      patron and our Crate and Barrel wedding china all before we’re 3!

Romy    The only thing they don’t pick is your nose?

All     Parents are infuriating! (All laugh)

Joe     All four of us should become friends.

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Ella     Com-Patriots

Romy     Patriot?

Donny Yeah! A Patriot is someone who loves their country and supports its interests.

Pigeon I’m interested in those burger bags on their laps

Mary     (winks and give OK sign)

Donny We’ve always loved our country but we got caught up in the “red tape”

Ella     That’s because you talk until you’re “blue” in the face!

Romy     What about this “OUR country” you were talking about?

Ella     This is quite a kerfuffle.

Donny We’ve got to band together

Joe      Band! Like at the parade?

Ella     The Parade, that’s perfect. We can show our parents how to become united at the parade. Here’s what we do… (kids huddle)

Lights Out

Act 1 Scene IV

All families arrive at parade route – Song

James Cagney/Yankee Doodle Dandy – Grand Marshall – introduces floats, sings, dances…etc.

Army, Navy, Air Force and Marines, Coast Guard represented – use their signature songs

Elephants, Donkeys, Italian’s and French stand in grand stand – risers.

Grand Marshall starts the parade. Each kid finds a different excuse to get away – bathroom, drink, cotton candy, foam crown…

When kids’ float arrives all four sets of parents look confused then start blaming each other and throwing insults (i.e. I certainly didn’t

know your son/daughter was corrupting my son/daughter)


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