I Don't Trust My Husband Anymore After His Affair -

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					 I Don't Trust My Husband Anymore After His Affair -
           How Do I Know He Is Not Lying?
                                              Being the victim of an affair means that to some
                                              degree you were duped into thinking your husband's
                                              actions and words were genuine when in reality they
                                              were not. It doesn't matter how big or small the lie,
                                              the point is you were lied to!


                                              You need your spouse to reassure you in two very
                                              specific ways if you're going to rebuild your
                                              marriage and the trust that was lost because of his
cheating ways.


One of the most common questions that affair victims ask is: "How do I know my husband or
wife is telling the truth?"


It is a totally normal question to ask. Unfortunately the answer is not totally clear cut.


Now before you get frustrated, I want you to think about something for a moment. Even highly
trained people and agencies like the FBI who are specifically trained to sniff out liars don't
always get it right. We all know there were and probably still are double agents sniffing around
passing secrets to the other side.


What you need to understand here is that when a person lies to you, it's not as if a warning bell
goes off over their head and you can clearly see that they're lying.


It's easy to see how someone who's been affected by an affair could drive themselves nuts
morning, noon and night trying to figure out if their spouse is lying to them. The cheater did,
after all, pull the rug out from under you.


However, even if you were professionally trained, that wouldn't guarantee you knowing that an
affair was happening in your marriage. The thing to remember here is that your husband made
the decision to cheat, not you.


And that is the heart of the issue: your husband.


When Should You Start Trusting Again?



                                  www.survivinganaffairtoday.com                             Page 1
 I Don't Trust My Husband Anymore After His Affair -
           How Do I Know He Is Not Lying?
As mentioned earlier, many victims want to know if they can detect lying, but what you may not
know is that many victims also want to know if they can detect honesty.


Try looking at the problem in a new light, ask this instead:


How will I know it’s time to trust again?


The point you need to focus on here is you. How will you know when it's time to trust your
husband again? No one can answer that except you. Your spouse can't, your minster can't,
nobody can except you.


It's normal for trust to be shattered after an affair. It's one of the major consequences: The
cheater has lost your trust and damaged their credibility.


For the cheater, trust needs to be earned. It's not something that will be handed to them on a
silver platter after they've done a set of exercises. It needs to be cultivated and nurtured over
time but it can be lost in an instant. At the end of the day, the short term gain for the cheater
doesn't justify the long term pain.


Seeking Reassurance to Build Trust


After the devastating news of an affair, you may want to trust your spouse, but it’s a process
that takes time, and a willing partner to work through that process and earn back the right to
your trust.


It's obvious that you'll trust them with the little things like taking out the trash and such. But you
still might be leery when they tell you they're stuck in traffic or that they forgot the turn their cell
phone on.


Part of rebuilding trust involves becoming transparent with your spouse in both word and deed.
It's important for the cheater to establish patterns of predictability so the spouse knows that
what they say and what they do are true.


Request 1: Reassurance in Word



                                   www.survivinganaffairtoday.com                                 Page 2
 I Don't Trust My Husband Anymore After His Affair -
           How Do I Know He Is Not Lying?
The first thing your spouse needs to do is to be honest with you in their words. If they say they
are going someplace and going to be right back they need to make that happen.


Now at first many cheaters may roll their eyes and think they're being treated like a child having
to check in with you on every little thing they do. But the reality of the situation is that they
cheated and broke your trust and it's their responsibility to restore it and they need to do
whatever it takes.


Reassurance Request 2: Reassurance in Action


The other area where the victim needs to be transparent is in their actions. Everything goes
back to establishing predictable behavior so the cheater needs to work on this. There are
several ways to do this, but I'll just name a few: have them keep their cell phone on at all times
when possible, if they can't do this then have them call you back at their earliest convenience.
You can also ask that they call you when they're going to be late and give you an ETA.


Another thing you could have them do is wipe out all passwords on their home computer and
laptop. Knowing that their spouse has full access to their online activities may help keep them
honest.


The Bottom Line

These are just a few guidelines you can use to help rebuild trust and honesty in your marriage
after an affair. I understand that everyone's situation is different but you can use these ideas as
a guideline. As the victim you need to ask for reassurance and the cheater needs to be on the
same page.



You can trust your spouse again without being taken for a fool. Learn the five forms of trust, as
well as which kinds of trust can give to your husband and which ones you can hold back on
without harming your relationship by applying these techniques into your everyday life. You can
find these tips and much more the most comprehensive surviving an affair guide available
online.




                                 www.survivinganaffairtoday.com                              Page 3

				
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