How_Compatible_Are_You_And_Your_Partner_

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					Title:
How Compatible Are You And Your Partner?

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1254

Summary:
What are the things you argue about? Where are the disagreements? The
small resentments? Where do you have to give in to get along?

Do you argue over money? Are you fighting over sex? Do you have different
ideas about how much time you should spend together and apart? Do you
squabble over extended family and friends? Is one of you daring and
reckless, while the other wants to play things safe? Does one of you want
to be right all the time? Does one of you want to always b...


Keywords:
Relationships, choice theory, love, belonging, power, needs, survival,
assessment, satisfaction


Article Body:
What are the things you argue about? Where are the disagreements? The
small resentments? Where do you have to give in to get along?

Do you argue over money? Are you fighting over sex? Do you have different
ideas about how much time you should spend together and apart? Do you
squabble over extended family and friends? Is one of you daring and
reckless, while the other wants to play things safe? Does one of you want
to be right all the time? Does one of you want to always be in control?
Do you disagree about the fun activities in your life?

Couples may have conflict over many areas but do you know there is a
simple explanation for the conflict? When looking for a life partner, it
is a good idea to take a close look at your “Need Strength Profile”,
based on Dr. William Glasser’s work in the area of Choice Theory. This
simple assessment will determine where you and your partner are in terms
of the five basic needs and help you determine what areas are compatible
and what areas should generate discussion and possible compromise and
negotiation.

There is a free assessment at www.therelationshipcenter.biz on the "Free
Stuff" page that will provide a rudimentary understanding of where you
are with regard to the five basic human needs of Choice Theory---love &
belong, survival, power, freedom and fun. If you are seeking
compatibility in a relationship, you and your partner can both take this
assessment and then discuss your results based on the rest of this
article.

The first need is called love & belonging. It is the need that determines
how much connection you require with others. Generally speaking,
relationships work best when you have equivalent strengths of the love &
belonging need. This is the need that will help you determine as a couple
how much time you spend together and how much time is needed apart.
Loving sex and romance is another aspect of this need, as are extended
family and friends.

The second of the five basic needs is survival. This is so much more than
just the need to physically survive, although that is part of it. It is
also the psychological need to feel safe and secure. Areas of potential
conflict around this need involve the ability to adapt to change, how you
spend and save money, preparations one makes for safety, spontaneity,
among other things.

The third of the human needs is power, which can be a difficult need to
understand because power generally has a negative connotation associated
with it. When people hear "power" they often think of one person exerting
their power over another person. While this is one way, albeit not the
best way, to meet one's power need, there are two other ways which are
more responsible and palatable.

There are three ways to meet one's need for power---power over others,
power with others and power within ourselves. Power over others is not a
responsible way to meet one's power need because it interferes with the
other person getting his or her needs met. There are plenty of people who
use power over others but I am advocating for the other two ways when
seeking compatibility in relationships.

When people have a high need for power, they are born driven to get this
need met. They don’t know how to get it met; they just know they must
find power. Often, you can observe in small children the tendency to
power over others. Then, hopefully, life teaches children the other two
ways to seek power.

When you look for "power with" others, it means that you are able to work
cohesively with a group of people to advance toward a common goal. Many
winning sports teams display this "power with" concept, as well as
effective work teams and even fully functioning families. "Power with"
others can be a very satisfying way of meeting one’s power needs.

The final way to meet one’s need for power is "power within" oneself.
This is generally seen as a need for pride or competence. Those with a
high power need who meet it through power within methods like to always
do their best. They may seem to be perfectionistic but producing their
best is very need satisfying to them.

In relationships, this power need accounts for workaholism, people who
always need to control everything around them and a low degree of
tolerance for imperfection in others. The power need has a big influence
in interpersonal relationships.

The fourth need to discuss is the need for freedom. People with a high
need for freedom are independent and like to do things their own way.
High freedom need people generally don't like rules---particularly ones
that don't make sense. They also value their time alone. They like to do
what they want, when they want.
There is usually an inverse relationship between the love & belonging and
the freedom needs. When a person has a high need for love & belonging, he
or she typically has a lower need for freedom and vice versa. Of course,
there are exceptions but typically there is an opposite relationship
between the two.

The last of Choice Theory’s basic human needs is fun. Fun seems pretty
straightforward but there are some subtleties to it that are necessary to
understand. There are basically three kinds of fun. There is the loud,
energetic kind of fun that people might get from physical activity and
parties, for example. There is the quiet, relaxing kind of fun that might
be enjoyed by fishing, lying in a hammock on a warm summer’s day or
reading for pleasure. Then there is learning as fun.

Now, I’m not talking about when you learned algebra! For most of us that
wasn’t fun but I am talking about learning something you are interested
in that has useful application for you. For me, the best example is when
I learned how to downhill ski and made it the first time down the slope
without falling and getting snow down my jacket, up my pant legs and
various other places! It is the sheer joy of learning something that
interests you. Everyone has various ways of meeting their fun needs and
it is these differences that can drastically affect your satisfaction in
your relationship.

It is not always true that in order for your relationship to succeed, you
must have equal or almost equal need strengths in all five needs. For
some needs, it is best when one of you is high and one of you is low in
that need.

Go to www.TheRelationshipCenter.biz and take the free assessment today.
It’s on the “Free Stuff” page, with a link provided on the home page. See
what the assessment has to say. If you have some questions, join me in my
chat room during one of my scheduled chats to discuss it, leave me a
message on my blog (click on the “View our Web Journal” link on the home
page) or check the events calendar for upcoming workshops.

There is so much to learn about improving the significant relationships
in our lives. This provides you with one more piece to the puzzle. Our
workshop and weekend conferences give you many more of the puzzle pieces
to help you make sense of and work to improve your relationships. Don’t
wait until it’s too late. Invest in your relationships today.

				
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Maggie Mills Maggie Mills Owner http://itmfinancial.org
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