Foreword 3
Emperor Self-Actualised Goes to Ground 5
1 7
2 17
3 37
Staying Mum 47
4 49
5 65
6 77
Doctors, Dragons and Dougie Defiance 89
7 91
8 95
9 107
10 117
Immovable 119
11 121
12 127
13 137
14 147
A Life More Ordinary 149
15 151
16 157
17 165
18 171
Letters to Limbo 173
19 175
20 185
21 189
22 193
Letters To Limbo 2 195
23 197
24 205
Any Last Requests? 211
25 213
Hard Labour 225
26 227
Postscript 229
eople everywhere are asking me one question:
‘What’s most important in life?’
It’s a biggie, isn’t it? Huge. Traditionally, a close third on my All-Star Big Question chart, right behind ‘What happens when I die?’ and ‘Is Elvis still alive?’ Of late though, number one with a bullet. ‘What’s most important in life?’—undisputed top of the pops.
Why is it so popular? Well, you people were living in a haze for a while there. Not everybody of course. Not even the majority. Just a notable few twisting the idea of what really matters into a funny shape. And then CRASH! BANG! BOOM! Things that mattered didn’t matter any more. Things that meant something lost all meaning. A lot of voices I hadn’t heard from in a long time were suddenly back in my ear:
“Tell me my purpose…”
“Point us the way…”
“Whassit all about then, ay?”
Perspective had come back in a mighty big hurry. And that puts ‘What’s most important in life?’ at the head of the wish-list every time.
Okay, so what’s the answer? What is most important in life? Well, let me make you an offer you can’t refuse—a personalised response to your query! The message sent will carry my very own signature. Friends and relatives may see it as something else, perhaps dumb luck or coincidence. Maybe even common sense. Discerning customers will recognise the truth.
But wait—there’s more! For a limited time only you also get this hand-crafted, beautifully finished, a-must-for-every-home, special little something from yours truly:
A miracle!
There’s no number to call, no contract to sign and no minimum monthly payment. Simply follow me now, down, down, out of the sky and across the sea, over the once-welcoming shores of Australia and into the somnolent city of Brisbane, through suburbs struck dumb by the late January summer heat, until you reach New Farm—the chatty, chirpy child refusing to put the head down at nap time—down James Street for 150 houses, up the stairs of a compact timber house with concrete stumps underneath and a corrugated iron roof on top, and into the small living room where Adam and Madeline O’Doherty are watching a documentary of a professional tennis coach’s efforts to mould his prepubescent daughter into a rich, articulate, unbeatable superstar.
Witness their miracle and discover what’s most important in life.
Then I’ll let you know where The King’s been hiding.
Darren Groth (Author)
Darren Groth is a Brisbane boy transplanted to Vancouver, Canada. He is the author of acclaimed fiction novels MVP – Most Valuable Potential and The Procrastinator. MVP – Most Valuable Potential was shortlisted in the Queensland Premier’s Literary Awards and was selected for the prestigious ‘Books From Our Backyard: 100 Must-Read Books From Queensland’ list. The Umbilical Word is his third novel.
Darren has appeared at numerous literary events including the Brisbane Writers’ Festival and the National Young Writers’ Festival. He has been a guest speaker, workshop/masterclass facilitator and writer-in-residence for literary organisations, writing groups, schools and libraries. He remains a registered Mentor with the Australian Society of Authors.
When he’s not watching Family Guy with his beautiful Canadian wife, he’s head-banging to Spiderbait with his six year old twins.