HELPING A BIRTHMOTHER COPE WITH
HER UNPLANNED PREGNANCY AND
The birthmother experiencing an unplanned pregnancy has
made the difficult decision to place her baby for adoption with a
family that she has chosen. She may or may not have the
support of her parents and her siblings or even the birth father.
You want to help her but are not sure what to say and what not
to say. Here are some helpful ideas:
1. Be sure to tell her that you are beside her 100% and that
you are here for her whenever she needs someone to talk to.
There nothing more difficult than making the decision to
place your baby for adoption and then to have everyone
judging you, criticizing you, and rejecting you.
2. Let her know that she can be open and honest and you will
not judge, criticize or give advice unless she asks for it.
Sometimes she just needs a listening ear to bend.
3. She is still a young woman having a baby. The baby is a
part of her. It's o.k. to ask her questions like: How is she
feeling? Does she feel the baby moving? How does that
make her feel? You can be excited with her about the child
growing within her. Take your lead from her.
4. It's o.k. to talk about her baby's future...who will they look
like? Will they have her temperament? Will they love what
5. Talk about the relationship she is having with her adoptive
family. How do they get along? What are they like? What
makes you happy about them being the parents of your baby?
This new family will forever be a part of her.
6. Talk about her future. What will she do after the baby has
been born? What are her goals and dreams? What is she
doing to prepare for her future while she is preparing for her
child's future? How can you help her get ready for that time?
Internet search together or visit colleges together...go to the
library and do some research.
7. Hang out with her! She still loves shopping, movies and
munching on yummy food!
8. Think of ways to celebrate this baby who is being formed
within her. Ask her if she would like a baby shower...to give
gifts that can go home with the baby and that would provide
connection and meaning for the baby later in life. Make
something special together like a blanket that can be given
to the baby and her family at the hospital.
9. Offer to help her make a family photo album to give to the
adoptive couple for the baby when he or she is older.
10. Encourage her to write letters for the baby that can be kept
for them when they can read or want to know more about
their biological family.
11. Be a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on and laugh with. It's
o.k. to still have fun and laugh together.
12. After the birth, be there for her. Sometimes no words are
necessary. Sometimes the best thing to say in nothing. Just