Men and Women: by roniantosyakirin


									                                          Men and Women:

The battle of the sexes has been fought for centuries. And it still seems to be alive and well. Both
sexes frequently share with me, their inability to understand the other. In particular, many women
have difficulty understanding, why many men don’t seem as interested in family or relational
matters. This one issue alone comes up time and time again and is the cause of great frustration and
power struggle in male-female relationships.

As I see it, two things have to happen to break this power struggle.

1)     To begin with, both Men and women need to learn about and accept their differences. To do
this topic justice requires a book. I recommend couples read: John Gray, “Men are from Mars,
Women Are From Venus” You can take your partner’s behavior much less personally when you really
understand that it is not just particular to them but to many members of their sex.

2)     We can all seek to grow beyond our conditioned gender roles. This will only serve to expand
us as humans. We may be somewhat restricted by our biology and conditioning, but we can work
toward becoming more balanced in regard to our male and female sides.

 While, I believe we must be very careful not to over generalize about gender differences, there does
seem to be enough evidence to make some observations on this touchy matter. John Gray says that
“Martians (men) value power, competency, efficiency, and achievement. Their sense of self is
defined through their ability to achieve results.” He says “they are more interested in “objects” and
“things” rather than people and feelings. And Martians pride themselves in doing things all by

Understanding where men are coming from allows women to see why many men often react
negatively to unsolicited advice, avoid support groups and counselling, don’t tend to read self help
books or be as concerned about relational matters, and often like to “fix” other’s feelings. However,
just because men are conditioned this way does not mean they are powerless to make changes
which might work better for them.

As for women, Gray says that “ they are concerned about living together in harmony, community,
and loving cooperation. Relationships are more important than work and technology. To share their
personal feelings is much more important than achieving goals and success. Talking and relating to
one another is a source of tremendous fulfillment.”

Understanding where women are coming from allows men to see what kind of support women need
and value. For example, most women find that in men’s zeal to “fix” an uncomfortable feeling, they
will often offer solutions when their partner is upset. What most women want at this time is simply
for their partner to listen without judgement.

While neither of Gray’s descriptions of gender behavior fits for all people, it seems true for the
majority. If we hope to let go of power struggles in relationships we need to begin to accept these
differences and push our own personal growth beyond our cultural gender conditioning.

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