Your Ultimate Personality Quiz
Dr. Dorothy McCoy
[AU: would you like to rework the acknowledgements for this format? It would need to
be quite short to make sense in the new format]
The Three Personality Styles
Sensuality, Sexuality, and Love
Your Emotional Side
Your Workplace Personality
Six Quizzes Just for Fun
People Skills and Socializing
Welcome! Each of the following personality tests has been writeen with you in mind.
After all, what is more valuable than learning about you and those around you? As you
complete these tests alone or with your circle of friends and family, you will recognize
that each of us is delightfully unique. In addition to the tests, tips and suggestions for
growth and improvement, as well as fun trivia are scattered throughout.
Don’t worry, no matter which tests you take there are no good or bad, right or wrong
results. You are much more likely to appreciate your distinctive personality if you accept
your glowing qualities and as well as your sometimes hidden limitations. Just think of
yourself as a work of art in progress, and have fun!
[ch title]The Three Personality Styles
[quiz hed]Are You a Cognitive Personality?
Are you a Sherlock Holmes? Are you a consummate thinker? If so, you are one of the
talented individuals who keep our world turning by amassing and contributing to our
collective knowledge. Cognitive individuals must discover new ideas, ponder the
mysteries of the universe (or how the TiVo works) and propagate data. They simply have
no choice—it is as necessary as eating or breathing.
Mark “Y” for YES and “N” for NO for each of these questions. Then consult the scoring
instructions that follow the test.
1. ___ Do you enjoy reading nonfiction?
2. ___ Do you frequently begin your sentences with “What did you say?”
3. ___ Have you been accused (frequently) of not paying attention to your significant
4. ___ Do you find it difficult to remember information not related to your career?
5. ___ Are you an expert in at least one area?
6. ___ Have you been accused of being unemotional? (cool, unruffled, distant)
7. ___ Is your occupation science and/or theory oriented?
8. ___ Are you proficient at creating options?
9. ___ Do you take pride in being rational and logical?
10. ___ Do you have only one or two intimate friends.
11. ___ Do you steadfastly avoid emotional disagreements?
12. ___ Do you enjoy theoretical debates?
13. ___ Are you a perfectionist?
14. ___ Are you more comfortable talking about your work than any other subject?
15. ___ Are you energized by social events?
For questions 1 through 14, give yourself one point for each “Y” answer. For question 15,
give yourself one point for an “N” answer.
[bhd]Scores 1 – 6
It is doubtful that you are primarily cognitive. It appears that you may have a number of
emotional traits instead. Don’t worry. As I have said, most of us are a mixture of different
personality types. Besides, you are probably having more fun than the strongly cognitive
folks. Unfortunately, I don’t think you will win the Nobel Prize in Psychics—though you
have an excellent opportunity with literature. Of course, predictions about any specific
person or personality type are purely conjecture. Human beings refuse to fit nicely into a
theory or mold. You may win both prizes!
[bhd]Scores 7 – 11
It appears that you may have a healthy balance of both cognitive and affective traits. You
may choose almost any career opportunity or any personality type for your significant
other. Your manner of thinking, behaving and reacting to your environment will be
remarkably robust and successful. You may be pleased to know that Aristotle agrees
with me: “. . . virtues are friendliness, the mean between flattery orobsequiousness and
quarrelsomeness; truthfulness, the mean between boastfulness and self-depreciation, and
wit, the mean with regard to humor and amusement” (Aristoteles, The Ethics of
Aristotle). Of course, when he speaks of the “mean,” Aristotle refers to the average, in
the middle of two extremes, which is where you so comfortably fit. Well done!
[bhd]Scores 12 – 15
What would we do without you, our Cognitive Personalities—our thinkers? Thank you
for all your contributions. Enjoy the thanks, since you aren’t likely to hear it often, and
because others are obsessively wondering why you are not paying attention to them.
Thankfully, cognitive people are usually self confident and do not require much
reassurance. You are probably quite demanding of yourself and, perhaps to a lesser
degree, those around you. Just don’t let those exacting standards rob you of the joys in
life, such as smelling the roses.
[quiz hed]Are You an Emotive Personality?
Have you been described as caring, compassionate, warm and/or sensitive? Have you
been told that you are friendly and fun to be with? Then it is very possible you are one of
these gentle folks. Emotive Personalities genuinely like people and they tend to be
optimistic, expecting good things from situations and people. They are at their best when
communicating or socializing with others. They leave such interactions feeling good
about themselves and humankind in general. EPs seldom have anything critical to say
about anyone. If they do, it is laced with genuine concern.
[instruction hed]Let’s check your level of “feeling.” Write “Y” for YES and “N” for NO
next to each of these questions. Then consult the scoring instructions that follow the test.
1. ___ Do you cry when you see a sad movie?
2. ___ Do you have a large circle of friends?
3. ___ Do you have numerous e-mail buddies?
4. ___ Do you prefer good fiction to nonfiction?
5. ___ Are you in a nurturing profession (e.g., teacher, nurse, therapist, religious leader)?
6. ___ Do you start to have withdrawal if you aren’t interacting with someone?
7. ___ Are you a romantic?
8. ___ Are you skilled at remembering birthdays, anniversaries and other occasions?
9. ___ Can you have fun without feeling guilty?
10. ___ Is “about right” good enough for you?
11. ___ Are you a good listener?
12. ___ Do your friends come to you for advice?
13. ___ Do you expect people to be logical and rational?
14. ___ Do you tend to be more optimistic than pessimistic?
15. ___ Would you rather be merciful than just?
Give yourself one point for each “Y” answer, except for question 13. If you answered
“N” to question 13, give yourself one point.
[bhd]Scores 1– 6
It appears that “warm and fuzzy” are not words often used to describe you. You may be
more of a “thinker” instead. If your score was a 5 or 6, however, you certainly have a
number of “feeling” traits too. Good for you! They smooth out the rough edges. Just
kidding—thinkers are fine people; many of my dearest friends are thinkers. Of course,
they don’t understand me and I never hear from them. I would be willing to bet that you
excel at whatever you choose to do. Seriously, you are in a good place, cognitive with a
smidgeon of emotion.
[bhd]Scores 7 – 10
You are one of the balanced people. The world is open to you with your winning mix of
compassion and drive. You can branch out in countless directions. Your greatest problem
will likely be narrowing down all the opportunities available to you. You are both a
people person and a thought person. You can afford to be very particular; you are a great
catch for a mate or an employee. Please don’t tell your significant other I said that.
[bhd]Scores 11 – 15
Welcome to the “true feelers” category. Can you take some time out from your friends
and engagements to read this? You are likely described as spontaneous, gregarious,
creative and just plain fun.You probably feel as if you are on a treadmill with all the
needs you balance. Be careful—a hectic schedule can be stressful. You are likely to
overlook yourself when functioning in your care-taking role. Also, because you are so
people oriented and want to be liked, you can sometimes compromise the principles that
are so important to you in order to please others. Remember, you would have to be a
chameleon to please everyone.
[quiz hed]Are You an Experience Seeker?
Wow, these are very interesting individuals. If you want a hill taken, get some of these
stimulus-seeking people to do it for you. You will see emotive and cognitive people
running out of a burning building and firefighters burdened with weighty equipment
dashing in. They are probably ESs. If you see a police car with blaring sirens, and
whirling lights speeding to a crime scene, the cop turning the corner on two wheels is
more than likely an ES. What happens if an ES goes to the dark side? Darth Vader . . . the
adventurer turned evil enforcer.
Write “Y” for YES and “N” for NO next to each of these questions. Then consult the
scoring chart that follows the test.
1. ___ As a child, were you the one saying, “Watch me, I can ride my bike without hands
(downhill, in San Francisco)”?
2. ___ Do you frequently feel bored or restless?
3. ___ Would you like to learn to fly?
4. ___ Does your career include an element of danger (e.g., police officer, firefighter,
5. ___ Are you constantly looking for experiences you have never tried?
6. ___ Do you have any extreme hobbies (e.g., hang gliding, whitewater
7. ___ In sports, do you play hard and to win?
8. ___ Are you decisive?
9. ___ Are you a problem solver?
10. ___ Are you a natural leader?
11. ___ Do you keep your cool and remain able to function in a crisis situation?
12. ___ Do you find yourself trying to copy John Wayne’s walk (walk sideways, yet
forward. . . something like a crab)?
13. ___ Have you been accused of being opinionated?
14. ___ Does your significant other say you are insensitive?
15. ___ Do you enjoy change, simply because it is change?
Give yourself one point for each “Y” answer.
[bhd]Scores 1 – 6
No, my friend, you are not a John Wayne. You are laid back and comfortable with where
and who you are. You don’t need to leap tall buildings in a single bound to feel alive.
Your nervous system is more tranquil (not fueled by testosterone or adrenaline overload).
You are one of the Gandhi or Einstein people—either serene or cognitive (perhaps both).
Your friends and family enjoy your company, especially if you are a Gandhi. They
feel your tranquility and it soothes their troubled spirits in times of duress. Hint:
Buy a nice, clean bicycle built for two.
[bhd]Scores 7 – 10
You enjoy excitement and an adrenaline surge, but you do not necessarily thrive on it.
You are satisfied with your life, you simply choose to add flavor to it on a regular basis.
Hint: Buy a Corvette. In a few weeks you will have graduated to the following group.
[bhd]Scores 11 – 15
You are definitely an Experience Seeker. I am surprised you sat down long enough to
take the test. You like change, variety and the thrill of the chase. You enjoy competition
and, perhaps, camaraderie with other Experience Seekers. You may have been in the
military—Army Ranger, Marine or pilot are likely possibilities. Your career is unlikely to
be considered tedious or sedentary. You have probably never been called a teddy bear,
but anything is possible with an ES. Many have a broad and incongruent sentimental
streak. You can be an enforcer for the Mob and weep uncontrollably when your pet
goldfish drowns. Enjoy the journey (brief as it may be) and, as always, keep your
physician’s name and phone number on your ID bracelet. Hint: Buy a surplus Russian
tank with low mileage and enough vodka to fuel it, comrade.
[bhd]Who Created the First Personality Tests?
Though personality tests as entertainment are a relatively new phenomenon, attempting to
understand individuals by exploring their differences and similarities probably began as
early as 550 BC. Thales was the first of the modern thinkers who believed theories should
be supported by evidence. He also believed that everything, including us, could be
accounted for by water.
Hippocrates was next. He divided humans into four elements: yellow bile, black bile,
phlegm and blood. Yes, disgusting, I know. Galen (AD 200) improved on this theory by
attributed human characteristics to each of the elements of the earth: (fire) cheerful and
confident; (water) easily angered and bad tempered; (earth) sad, melancholy, quick to
anger; (air) slow to act, cool, calm. There we have the first personality test.
Let’s flip ahead to modern times. Wilhelm Wundt (1832-1920) suggested four emotional
states: choleric, sanguine, melancholic and phlegmatic. He also believed that certain
human traits, such as intelligence, could be measured. He was insidiously prolific, writing
over 47,000 pages of research and theory (without a computer). We owe the idea of
testing instruments to Dr. Wundt.
Carl Jung (1885-1961) developed a theory of personality that included the concepts of
extroversion and introversion and explained human behavior as a blend of four
personality elements: thinking, feeling, intuition and sensation. If you are familiar with
the Myers-Briggs Personality Inventory, you will recognize these elements.
[ch title]Sensuality, Sexuality, and Love
[quiz hed]How “hot” are you?
How eager are you to experiment with a variety of sexual practices? How free do you feel
to become your sexiest self? Take this test and add up your score to find out how “hot”
you are. Remember, no matter what your score, it can be improved!
Mark a 1 to 5 next to the following questions, based on this scale:
5 Strongly Agree
3 Don’t agree, don’t disagree. I’m walking the line.
1 Strongly Disagree
Then consult the scoring chart that follows the test.
1. ___I smolder with desire when pleasuring my lover.
2. ___I enjoy seeing my sweetie wearing only a huge smile.
3. ___Keep the lights on, I don’t want to miss a thing.
4. ___Sex only in the bedroom? . . . You must be joking!
5. ___Experimenting with sexual positions is way cool.
6. ___Oral gratification is very sexy.
7. ___I am so proud of my seductive bod . . . wouldn’t change a molecule!
8. ___Naked is my favorite way to dress.
9. ___I think, therefore I am . . . sexy.
10. ___My lover’s body may not be perfect, but it feels soooo good.
11. ___You bet, I can be a sex vamp or stud.
12. ___I am growing in my sexual prowess.
13. ___It goes without saying that deep, throaty kisses are without equal in my world.
14. ___I love playing sexy roles with my sweetie. Ummmm, did someone say “action”?
15. ___When I am bad, I am so much better . . . let’s talk dirty.
16. ___Watching dirty movies with my lover is a huge turn-on.
17. ___When I go out, I shine in Sultry, Sexy, Sinful (with a capital S) clothes.
18. ___Ummm, telling my lover what feels good is my “pleasure” . . . oooh, yes, there!
19. ___Yes, lover, tell me where it feels yummy . . . wanna hear those moans.
20. ___Sex is so devilishly delightful when I dress sinfully sexy.
21. ___I adore chocolate, especially when it is being licked off . . . a little to the left,
22. ___I like to make up sexy stories and act them out.
23. ___I love my toys . . . love toys, that is.
24. ___I pant for sexy underwear.
25. ___My lover and I often cuddle up with a sizzling sex book or video.
26. ___We search for daring and dangerous places to pleasure each other.
27. ___I am so into self-pleasuring . . . if that darn rabbit just keeps going.
28. ___The hottest websites are in my favorites file . . . Ummm, come here, sweet, sweet
29. ___My sexuality is at the very core of my being, the indisputable meaning of and
reason for my existence. The spiritual essence of who I am or will ever be. Yes, I would
say it is important.
30. ___I have sex very, very often, but never often enough. Oh, sweetie . . . where are
you .. . my motor is revving . . .
Add up the numbers from all your answers to find your total score.
[bhd]120 – 150 Too Hot to Handle
You are audacious. You take pleasure in your sensuality and the freedom to express
yourself. You are willing to take a risk and try the unusual. Your personality is outgoing
and friendly. Your style of dress is adventurous and bold and very you. You do not
follow the crowd; you follow your innate sense of what works for you. You enjoy life
and live it right up to the edge.
[bhd]Scores 90 – 119 Warm and Frisky
You are not quite a risk taker, but you are not satisfied with the boringly normal either.
Your style is your own and it works very well for you. You are not particularly concerned
about what others think of you. You feel confident and self-assured. The opposite sex
finds you alluring and intriguing.
[bhd]Scores 60 – 89 Balmy and Learning
You have been learning about your sensuality and have made some decisions about what
is right for you. You are not yet ready to define your limitations. You will continue to
discover and enjoy the process. This is a very comfortable place for you now.
[bhd]Scores 59 and below Temperate and Seeking
You have not yet begun to explore your innate potential. Excitement and discovery are
still ahead of you. Anything is possible at this stage; the world is your oyster. Welcome to
the thrilling world of sexuality!
[bhd]What if your score is not as high as you would like?
You may have a few sexual inhibitions. Sexual Inhibitions often begin with the belief that
something about yourself isn’t okay. By changing your belief, you will likely feel more
open to changing your inhibited behaviors. Say (with enthusiasm), “I am okay” at least
25 times a day until you are convinced that you are not only okay, but furthermore, no
one in this wide world is more okay. If that doesn’t work, try writing, “Damn it, I am
okay!” on a piece of red poster paper and include all of the wonderful things you like
about yourself. Can’t think of wonderful things? Ask your friends and family what they
admire most about you and write these verbal garlands on your poster, or ask each person
to write their favorites and sign the poster. Don’t forget to look at your accolades often.
And remember… no matter what your score . . . you are still very okay!
[quiz hed]What Is Your Sensuality Quotient?
We generally come into the world with five senses: touch, smell, taste, sight and hearing.
The senses certainly come in handy for daily activities such as crossing the street and
deciding which sweater to buy. There is so much more to be enjoyed when we stimulate
our senses. Indulging the senses can enhance our perception of sensuality. This
test is about experiencing the subtle, sensual pleasures of which you may have previously
Mark a “Y” for YES or an “N” for NO next to each question. Then consult the scoring
instructions following the test.
1. ___ Do you wear luxurious, soft, black velvet? (Yes, the guys can wear black velvet.
What about a robe?)
2. ___ Do you wear skin-soothing angora or cashmere?
3. ___ Do you frequently use scented candles to delight your olfactory sense and provide
just the perfect romantic light?
4. ___ Are fragrant fresh flowers a part of your intimate environment (especially red
5. ___ Do you use a sexy, throaty voice to flirt naughtily with your lover?
6. ___ Do you show your pleasure during sex by moaning or gasping . . . or emitting
whatever sound turns you and your lover on?
7. ___ Do you frequently listen to romantic, mood-enhancing music?
8. ___ Do you enjoy wearing exotic, stimulating scents in perfume or cologne?
9. ___ Have you tried the new pheromone scents? (Pheromones are the hormones that
animals and humans emit to attract mates.)
10. ___ Do you regularly indulge in a spine-tingling, pampering massage (at the spa or
with your partner)?
11. ___ Do you maintain your dental hygiene at the “kiss me now, you devil” level?
12. ___ Do you use sinfully tasteful additions to your erotic enjoyment . . . such as
Give yourself one point for each “Y” answer.
[bhd]Scores 9 – 12
You should be writing a book rather than reading about sensuality. Don’t change a thing;
you are a role model for us all. You accept your uniqueness and pamper your senses at
every opportunity. Is that you, Mae?
[bhd]Scores 5 – 8
You are doing very well for yourself, you romantic pleasure-seeker you. Why not explore
a few more sensual indulgences to add to your repertoire? Why not put one more candle
in your bathroom or add a scented air freshener to your car (Bath and Body Works has a
wonderfully fragrant system)? Try new exotic perfumes or spray a little of your favorite
fragrances in your clothes closet. Have fun and indulge.
[bhd]Scores below 5
Okay, so maybe you have a little to learn, but just imagine the fun
homework ahead of you! Try experimenting with one new sensual pleasure each
week. Why not start with a dreamy fragrance such as Opium. Hmmm, smells
so nice . . .
[set in box or bubble]
Add as many sensual experiences to your life as possible. Here are a few ideas to get you
started: soft light from flickering candles, romantic love songs, rich fabrics, scrumptious
whipped cream (just a thought) and fragrant blooms.
[quiz hed]Gals, Do You Fall for Professors or Hunks?
Do you go for the guys who have an aura of danger about them?
Perhaps the Professor jingles your Gamma Beta Phi key. You may want that unique
someone who combines both danger and intelligence. This test will help reveal which
characteristics are important in your man.
Choose the trait that is most important to you from each pair (circle A or B) Then consult
the scoring instructions at the end of the test.
a. Breath-stopping, good looks b. Very responsible
a. Muscled chest b. Loves babies and animals
a. An adventurer b. A professional
a. A really hot car b. A really great education
a. Awesome annual salary b. Kindness
a. Fearlessness b. Generosity
a. Hot body b. Principles
a. Gentlemen’s Quarterly clothes b. Intelligence
a. Great eyes b. Good heart
a. High danger quotient b. Integrity
a. Heartbreakingly sexy voice b. Honesty
a. Undercurrent of sensuality b. Dependability
a. Charismatic b. Genuine
a. Tall b. Moderate height
Give yourself zero points for each “a” answer and two points for each “b” answer.
[bhd]Scores of 0
You made all of your selections from the first column. You are looking for adventure
with a capital “A” and reckless romance with a capital “R.” You don’t mind taking
chances; in fact, you love to be on the edge—just don’t fall in. Your relationships may
have met your need for excitement, but they may lack the depth of attachment necessary
for a supportive relationship. Nonetheless, if cliffhanging is what you desire at this stage
in your life, you are on the right track. As you approach the next chapter in your life, the
more sterling (lackluster and enduring) characteristics in the second column may become
[bhd]Scores between 2 and 26
You prefer to have your danger and romance delivered by a gentleman. Hey, why not! He
can drive a fast car or motorcycle and have an IQ of 145. His eyes can be drop-dead
gorgeous and he may have spent 24 years in school learning the incredible intricacy of
“nothing.” You may simply prefer a man who has a variety of traits—some are hunk
traits and some are professor traits. You want excitement and stability. Who could ask for
more? If you have found your ideal man—congratulations. If not, happy hunting . . . Test
driving will be fun.
[bhd]Scores of 28
You are looking for someone with whom you can establish a long-term relationship and
on whom you can depend. You may discover that the man of your choice is a few notches
below “wildly exhilarating.” Nonetheless, his gentlemanly characteristics are more
important to you than heart-stopping adventure and reckless romance. As the years pass,
you may wish you had tried a hunk or two, or you may treasure your Professor for his
many fine attributes. If you would like more excitement, you might have to create it. As
time goes on, the neurotransmitters that influenced those delicious “I am in love” feelings
decrease. Perhaps it is time to stir them up a bit. Begin a new adventurous hobby, such as
rock climbing or skydiving. That should activate those sluggish neurotransmitters. Don’t
be discouraged if your Professor experiences terror instead of healthy lust (wrong
chemicals). Just find another hobby. Excitement is a state of mind—create it!
[quiz hed]Guys, Do You Fall for Babes or Nurturers?
Do you search for the woman with the Bambi eyes, luscious lips and gorgeous body?
Perhaps you are looking for an intelligent, humorous and sultry woman. You probably
realize that good looking and sexy are not necessarily synonymous. Are you searching for
a beautiful, independent, maddening babe or a loving, compassionate, devoted nurturer?
Choose which trait you prefer from each row (circle A or B). Then consult the scoring
instructions at the end of the test.
a. Drop-dead gorgeous b. A sweet smile
a. Exciting b. Soothing
a. An exotic dancer b. A psychologist
a. Sexy clothing with a capital “S” b. Tailored suits
a. Lush lips b. A big heart
a. Double-E Breasts b. 135 IQ
a. Libido b. Thoughtfulness
a. Awesome body b. Portfolio
a. Bambi eyes b. Artistic talent
a. Powerful motor b. Compassionate nature
a. Great legs b. Potential as a mother
a. Trophy appeal b. Courage
a. Pierced navel b. Marksmanship (be careful
about this one)
a. Sexy walk b. Generosity
a. Seductive voice b. Faithfulness
Give yourself zero points for each “a” answer and two points for each “b” answer.
[bhd]Scores of 0
A score of zero indicates that you really must stop taking that extra testosterone. It might
have negative side effects, such as howling at the moon. You are a risk taker. You are
enthralled with exciting women. You may change relationships frequently. No doubt, you
are having more fun than is legal in most states. When (if) you consider having children,
you may discover that a nurturer can be very desirable too, and have at least a
few traits from that “b” column.
[bhd]Scores between 2 and 28
It appears you are seeking a mixture of traits. You do not want to give up the steamy babe
or the faithful nurturer. This is a very logical decision. (Of course, it could also mean that
you want one of each, instead of a mixture.) Balance is essential and healthy. You
evidently know that also. I wish you good hunting if you have not yet found the ideal
woman for you. However, don’t be surprised if you are mesmerized by a woman who
doesn’t fit your ideal at all. Love is not impressed by our lists and preferences. Love
dictates and we willingly follow . . . I think it is all that dopamine.
[bhd]Scores of 30
You are an exceptionally cerebral male. I am impressed by your ability to make sane,
rational decisions based on reason and logic. You must be an introverted thinker or a
bank examiner (or both). You will have many years of companionship with your nurturer.
Or perhaps it will just seem as if it is many years. I assume that ministers and dentists are
disproportionately represented in this group. But excitement and sensuality can be hidden
under a quiet, professional exterior. You may find your nurturer is so much more than
[bhd]Wired for Beauty?
The results from one survey indicate luscious lips or curvy hips frequently tempt even the
most stalwart of men. A study conducted by Dr. Dan Ariely of MIT suggests that men
who see a beautiful woman experience the same “reward” brain response that is
elicited by food and cocaine. It appears that men may be wired to respond to beauty.
Fortunately, men also come with, at no additional cost, the most advanced version of the
neocortex. So when you are trying to decide which woman you should pursue, the brainy
PhD or the stripper, pause for a moment of somber contemplation. The brain can be
exceptionally useful when used to make these minor life-changing decisions.
[quiz hed]Are You an Incurable Romantic?
How romantic are you? Anthropologists say that romantic love is more than just
emotions (if you have ever been in love, this is no surprise); it is akin to our drives for
food, water and sleep. Research shows that dopamine and norepinephrine, chemical
cousins of amphetamines, are a part of the “falling in love” process. Dopamine makes us
feel giddy (good stuff) and norepinephrine stimulates the production of adrenaline. In
other words, our hearts race. When we are in love, we hunger for nothing other than the
object of our romantic quest. These intense physical and emotional manifestations have
been the energy behind romantic poetry, plays and art for at least the last few thousand
years. When we fall in love, we yearn to capture and treasure that intoxicating, crazy
feeling. How romantic are you?
Mark each question with a “Y” for YES or an “N” for NO. Then consult the scoring
instructions at the end of the test.
1. ___ I have, at some time in my life, pressed a special flower in a book.
2. ___ I often leave sweet messages on my love’s voicemail or e-mail at work.
3. ___ I enjoy snuggling up with my love and watching a romantic movie.
4. ___ Romantic movies make me cry.
5. ___ Valentine’s Day is one of my favorite holidays.
6. ___ I have a special place to keep romantic notes, cards and e-mails from my love.
7. ___ We frequently have a candle-lit dinner . . . just sweet mood music and us.
8. ___ We go on picnics with a basket full of wine, cheese and crusty bread.
9. ___ I can remember the first date with my love as if it were yesterday.
10. ___ I have a special outfit I wear only when we go out.
11. ___ I cry at weddings, whether I know the people or not.
12. ___ When I see an elderly couple holding hands, I think, “Isn’t that wonderful.”
13. ___ I have the first present my love gave to me.
14. ___ I would adore April in Paris with my love.
15. ___ We have a special love song that is “our song.”
16. ___ I have a picture of my love in my wallet.
17. ___ I think about my love many times during the day.
18. ___ I cannot imagine life without my love.
19. ___ I believe in love at first sight.
20. ___ I believe that true love conquers all.
Count up the number of statements you marked with a “Y.” That is your total score.
[bhd]Scores 1–7 “Thinkers”
You are probably more logical and pragmatic than romantic. You usually consider all
elements of a situation before you come to a decision about anything, including love.
People who don’t know you may sometimes mistake your confidence for coldness or
aloofness. You feel drained by a strong show of emotion, and are comfortable with facts
and tangible things. You know how to make a commitment and honor that commitment.
You will probably be drawn to someone very different from yourself. The “life of the
party” will hold great charm for you. This is a complementary relationship—you will
each receive something that is missing from your own personalities. One note of caution:
The very traits that draw couples together often cause friction later in the relationship.
Your “life of the party” will want to be romanced. Uttering the words “I forgot” could be
extremely dangerous! Don’t forget those occasions that are so important to your love.
Birthdays, Valentine’s Day and other gift-giving occasions should never be overlooked.
[bhd]Scores 8–14 “Realists”
You are in a very comfortable place—not extremely romantic, but not without some
tender and caring beliefs and behaviors. You are a realist; you see what is here in the
moment, knowing the moment is all that we really have. You have many friends and you
are committed to those relationships. You can decide very quickly about a serious
relationship with individuals to whom you are attracted. This suddenness may be a little
shocking to others. It might be wise to slow your pace with those who need more time.
You do not suffer fools gladly, but you can be very attentive and romantic in relating to
your true love. If you choose one of the folks from the next group (feelers), you had
better add a few romantic notions to your love repertoire or face the music. They are
romantics par excellence.
[bhd]Scores 15–20 “Feelers”
Ah, the true romantics. You live for love. Relationships are more important to you than
anything else in your life. You do not forget occasions and you will be hurt if your
significant other does not show gratitude and reciprocate in kind. You are kind and gentle
and easily wounded by less sentimental types. Be aware, your natural complements are
“thinkers.” Regrettably, they are uncomfortable with emotions. Try to see their point of
view. Yes, they are different. Nonetheless, they are not wrong and neither are you. Talk
about your differences and you will find thinkers are willing to change if they are
logically convinced that a new behavior will work better. If a thinker forgets your
birthday, calmly tell him how that makes you feel. Believe me, he doesn’t have a clue.
Your natural consideration and generosity are a source of joy for your mate and your
[quiz hed]Do You Have Sexual Inhibitions?
Sexual inhibitions are the beliefs, thoughts, and emotions that limit our freedom to make
choices based on the pleasure principle—if it feels good, do it. These thoughts and beliefs
are based upon the interpretations and rules that you have absorbed from society. There
are many cultures on our planet with countless beliefs about “appropriate” sexual
behavior. The fundamental consideration when it comes to sexual taboos is: does this
work for my lover and for me? Check your level of sexual inhibitions with the following
Mark a “Y” for YES or an “N” for NO next to each of the following questions. Then
consult the scoring instructions following the test.
1. ___ I am very concerned about what others think of me.
2. ___ When considering a sexual practice, I am swayed by society’s rules about sexual
rights and wrongs.
3. ___ I am very shy about wearing a blouse with a low neckline.
4. ___ X-rated movies are bad and I don’t care to see one.
5. ___ I was taught that some sexual practices are naughty.
6. ___ No one could ever describe my clothes as provocative.
7. ___ I don’t see myself as sexy.
8. ___ I embarrass easily.
9. ___ I would not dream of flirting with a strange man (woman).
10. ___ I prefer keeping some clothes on when my lover and I are having an intimate
Give yourself one point for each “N” answer.
You may have some inhibitions (or values) that are limiting the erotic area of your life.
This only becomes a problem if you believe that you are missing enjoyable experiences.
What if you and your lover do not agree about the ways in which you should experience
your intimate life? You are the only expert on you and your preferences. If you decide to
learn more about sexuality, there are many fine books and videos you can explore alone
or with your lover. Sexual preferences are entirely a matter of taste. The question to ask
yourself is, “Do I enjoy a certain sexual practice or not?” However, until you explore the
subject, it is difficult to make informed choices. Enjoy the journey, wherever it takes you.
You appear to have strong beliefs about appropriate behavior. Ask yourself the following
questions. Do your sexual beliefs limit your life? Are you content with your sexual
identity? Is your lover satisfied with your erotic experiences? Does your current intimate
life make you feel good about yourself? Self-knowledge is invaluable. You may consider
redefining your sensuality and your autonomy as a sexual being.
[quiz hed]Do You Fall In Love Easily?
One study suggests that we could fall in love in as little as eight minutes. Some people
adore the “new love-chemistry high” and they fall in and out of love with happy abandon.
Are you enamored with (addicted to) the experience? Hey, I am not criticizing—I think it
is a fascinating hobby. However, if that is the case, you (and your partners) need to be
aware that it is a hobby. Do you find that you say, “This is the real thing!” frequently? Do
your friends yawn because they have heard that before? Are you in love with love?
To find out if you fall in love easily, mark each question with a “Y” for YES or an “N”
for NO. Then consult the scoring instructions at the end of the test.
1. ___ Have you been in love ten or more times?
When a new lover is in your life…
2. ___ Do you want to spend all of your time with the new love interest?
3. ___ Do you feel maddeningly restless?
4. ___ Are your days spent thinking of him or her?
5. ___ Do your emotions feel as if they have been sanded and buffed?
6. ___ Do foods, even your favorites (like chocolate chip cookies), lose all appeal?
7. ___ Do members of the opposite sex no longer interest you, no matter how gorgeous?
8. ___ Do your favorite pursuits lack all appeal . . . yawn?
9. ___ Is your idea of a good time lying on your bed daydreaming about your sweet
10. ___ Do you go from the heights of ecstasy to the depths of despair in 2.4 seconds?
11. ___ Do you feel as if you have walked into a “pea soup” fog and can’t find your way
out—and (even worse), you don’t care?
12. ___ Do you frequently answer questions with, “What did you say?”
13. ___ Would you rather have a phone call from your lover than from the President of
the United States?
14. ___ Do you spend great chunks of your time listening to Elvis sing “The Wonder of
15. ___ Have you been known to fall in love at first sight?
Give yourself one point for each “Y” answer.
There is definitely something extraordinary going on in your life. But it could just be the
flu. If it is not the flu and you have met an interesting new person, this may be the first
stage. Go back to the first question: How often have you been in love? Your answer to
that question is the key. If it has happened 16 times, then, yes, you fall in love easily.
Also, look at your answer to question 15. Answers to the other questions simply tell you
the severity of your symptoms (your symptoms are in the low range).
"No sooner met but they looked, no sooner looked than they loved than they sighed, no
sooner sighed but they asked one another the reason, no sooner knew the reason but they
sought the remedy."
You have been bitten by the love bug. You are in mid-stage and just beginning to really
annoy the people around you. Fasten your seat belt—stage three is coming. Look back to
question 1: How often has this happened to you? Your severity of symptoms (perhaps,
neurochemicals) is moderate. You may want to ask yourself, “How long do I stay in
love?” It is possible to experience the chemistry and lose the true spirit of love. True love
is long term; it provides a safe port in an often-chaotic world.
“It is best to love wisely, no doubt; but to love foolishly is better than not to be able to
love at all.”
[bhd]Scores 11 or higher
When you have it, you have it bad. If love were measured as a temperature, you are at
105 degrees. Often you are so overwhelmed by the glory of love that you don’t notice the
symptoms. If you have been “ill” with love numerous times, you are extraordinarily
talented at achieving love at first sight. I salute you! One question, how will you know
when the “right” one comes along? Perhaps you should consider a more leisurely pace.
Take the time to understand each person, in depth. This process will take many months. I
will admit, this nonchalant strategy lacks the hair-curling effect to which you are
accustomed. Nonetheless, you won’t weep later because the “right” one slipped by while
you were looking in another direction. If you absolutely thrive on the rush of love
chemicals, try stepping on a stingray at the beach. In the end, it is less painful.
"It is impossible to repent of love. The sin of love does not exist."
[bhd]The Science of Love
Research shows that a certain chemical in our brains helps to increase infatuation by
masking the perceived faults of a new lover. According to Dr. Robert Friar, falling in
love involves phenylethylamine, which causes a person to be less likely to be aware of
the faults of the other person. In some ways, this makes perfect sense. Ask yourself,
would you fall in love with someone who throws his underwear on the floor if you were
not highly inebriated by amour? Serotonin and dopamine, two mood neurochemicals,
create much of the decidedly pleasurable love intoxication that overwhelms us. Do
people who fall in love rapidly and habitually have more of the “love” neurochemicals?
We really don’t know.
Falling in love is one of the most spectacular and utterly magnificent experiences that can
befall a mere human. The symptoms are similar to some psychological disorders. One
study indicated that subjects who had recently fallen in love had more in common
(chemically) with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) subjects than subjects without
OCD. Thus, our world is turned upside down and we are perfectly happy not knowing
what we are doing, where we are, or even who we are. Other people cease to exist as far
as love is concerned. We walk around with the silliest grin on our face, completely
unaware it is there. Schoolwork suffers, careers suffer, and we couldn’t care less. Life is
good, the world is filled with bliss and we are in love.
[quiz hed]Are You Dating a Psychopath?
Do you know someone who is a psychopath? You may. One in every one hundred people
meets the diagnostic criteria. They are not the serial killers from whom you hide under
your seat at the movies. Those types are exceptionally rare. Most psychopaths look just
like the rest of us. In fact, they are often considered quite attractive by the opposite sex.
How are psychopaths different from other annoying people? They have no conscience.
Their emotions are shallow and egocentric. Other human beings are simply props for
their performance. Where will you find a psychopath? Anywhere. You are apt to find a
psychopath in a boardroom, pool hall, college classroom, prison, operating room, or
pulpit on Sunday morning. They adapt well, considering their emotional limitations, and
they can be found in all socioeconomic and educational levels.
Below are the behaviors of a psychopath. Do they fit someone you know? Mark each
question with a “Y” for YES or an “N” for NO.
1. ____ Shows inconsistencies between expressed emotions and body language.
2. ____ Tells umerous lies—which are denied.
3. ____ Appears bigger than life and has a charismatic personality.
4. ____ Has a spotty employment history.
5. ____ Says things that are cold and callous, and then says, “I was just kidding . . .”
(probably after seeing your reaction).
6. ____ Acts remorseless in circumstances that normally require an apology.
7. ____ is irresponsible about paying bills.
8. ____ Talks about impressive, unrealistic plans for the future.
9. ____ Enjoys risk and danger.
10. ____ Frequently blames others for mistakes.
11. ____ Expects much more from relationships than others are willing to give in return
(materially and emotionally).
12. ____ Is secretive about the past.
13. ____ Refuses to answer e-mails or says very little in writing (having learned that e-
can later be used against one).
14. ____ Repeatedly cheats in relationships for excitement and the challenge.
15. ____ Is secretive about career and source of income (understandable if you are
working for the CIA—which, by the way, does not exclude one from being a
16. ____ Is described by others as laid back, cool, unruffled, an android.
17. ____ Has a rap sheet (has been arrested).
Add one point for each “Y” answer.
Individuals in this group may be poor relationship material, but it is unlikely that they are
psychopaths. Or, your friend is a very successful psychopath and you just haven’t caught
the person in the other situations listed. If your relationship is serious, remember, self-
centered friends can improve with couples therapy or, perhaps, a good self-help
program—if the person wants to improve. If you decide to try couples counseling, you
can probably expect the therapist to teach communication and conflict-resolution skills. If
your relationship is casual, you will need to decide if you wish to remain friends. If you
work with this person, then you might be well advised to keep your distance.
[bhd]Scores 7 – 11
This could be serious. Each of the questions you answered “yes” is an indicator of
unhealthy behaviors. If your friend has eleven unhealthy behaviors, how have you
managed to stay in the relationship without putting on boxing gloves? If this is a serious
relationship, you may wish to consult a counselor. If your friend refuses to go, go alone.
Get an objective opinion from a qualified, licensed therapist. Can a psychopath deceive a
therapist? You can bet on it. You and your friend must be candid with your counselor or
nothing positive will happen. Your physician is your best source for a referral. Hint:
Psychopaths do not play by the rules.
[bhd]Scores 12 – 17
If you chose 17 “yes” answers, there is a compelling problem. I still cannot say
conclusively that your friend is a psychopath. Too many of the psychopathic traits are
open to interpretation. Regrettably, we cannot examine someone’s blood under a
microscope and, when it turns green or glows in the dark, exclaim, “Hallelujah, I’ve
found a psychopath!” However, if the person scored in this range, there are definitely
some issues that should be addressed, and counseling or an objective opinion should top
your list of “to-do items.” Again, if the relationship is casual—run!
[ch title]Your Emotional Side
[quiz hed]Are You Comfortable with Yourself?
Self esteem is the internal belief system that makes judgments about one’s value to
others, the world and oneself. It’s important to remember that these beliefs can
sometimes be subjective and inaccurate. For example, if I believe that I am a klutz, I will
ignore all indications that my logic in making this assumption might be faulty. If you
have negative beliefs about yourself, test them for accuracy. Love and nurture yourself as
well. By doing so, you will become accustomed to positive attention and demand it from
yourself and others. You might be surprised at how successful you can be!
Mark a “Y” for YES if you agree with the statement and an “N” for NO if you disagree.
1. ____ I am comfortable with who I am.
2. ____ I know that I am going to be successful.
3. ____ I think that most people like me.
4. ____ I like the challenge of making decisions.
5. ____ I am usually upbeat and satisfied with my life.
6. ____ I frequently laugh and smile.
7. ____ I can’t say that I am terribly fond of myself.
8. ____ I suspect that I am not as competent as most people.
9. ____ I frequently think that I would like to be someone else.
10. ____ I feel that I am running around in circles without any direction . . . like a mouse
in a maze.
11. ____ I often question my work and my decisions.
12. ____ Frequently, I feel that I have been drop-kicked by life.
13. ____ If someone ever falls in love with me, I had better do everything I can to keep
him or her. It might be my last chance.
Give yourself one point for each “Y” in questions 1–6. Give yourself one point for each
“N” in questions 7–13. Add the two together.
[bhd]Scores 9 – 13
You are very comfortable with yourself; you enjoy life and people. Congratulations.
Someone in your early life taught you to value yourself. You may want to call that person
(or persons) and say thank you. You may also want to help other people learn to value
themselves. You will do beautifully in life and you will enjoy the journey.
[bhd]Scores 5 – 8
You are somewhere between self-confidence and self-doubt. It would be well worth the
effort to increase your self-esteem. One way to do this is to make a “Positive Chart.”
Write down everything you do well. You may be surprised by your achievements. Ask
your friends to list five of your positive characteristics. Hang this chart on the wall so that
you can see all of your extraordinary attributes. Remember, your friends value you and
your uniqueness. You may be giving undue attention to your perceived “faults” and
minimizing your strengths. Self-esteem is more than being proud of your potential—it is
also striving to meet your potential.
[bhd]Scores 0 – 5
We really need to work on this! It appears that you may be very hard on yourself. Perhaps
a critical person early in your life taught you to be critical of yourself. Do you want to
continue to undervalue yourself or would you like to make some healthy changes? Try
the “Positive Chart” exercise in the scoring section above. I also suggest checking out the
National Association for Self-Esteem website, www.self-esteemnase.org. You could also
consult a mental health professional or ask an optimistic friend to help you look at
yourself more objectively. I am confident that you will raise your score. It will take a
little time and effort, but you are definitely worth it.
[quiz hed]How Stressed Are You?
Let me assure you, as a mental health professional—chronic stress is not good for you.
Have you ever noticed someone who has gone through a particularly stressful situation,
usually of extended duration? Do you remember how Bill Clinton looked when he went
into office and how he looked after eight years in the White House? Stress can age us
beyond our years.
Mark a “Y” for YES next to the statements that describe you and an “N” for NO next to
those that don’t.
1. ____ Your diet is often fast food rather than healthy food.
2. ____ You don’t trust others to do things correctly . . . so you do them yourself.
3. ____ You are often ready to blow (Mount St. Helens) on a moment’s notice.
4. ____ You often go for the gold; silver is simply not good enough for you.
5. ____ Your funny bone just hasn’t been tickled much lately.
6. ____ You frequently feel that “just one more telemarketer” and your last remaining
nerve ending will be shot.
7. ____ Everything feels as if it is the end of the world.
8. ____ Often, you cannot find “it,” don’t remember what “it” is, or why you needed “it.”
9. ____ You frequently talk about how bad your past was.
10. ____ Your day begins as though a starting shot has been fired and then gains speed.
11. ____ You often feel that you need at least one clone to get “everything” done.
12. ____ You are reluctant to share your emotional “stuff” with others.
13. ____ The last time you exercised was 1987 and you plan to do it again on the 20th
anniversary of that occasion.
14. ____ There is a shortage of warm and fuzzy people in your life.
15. ____ You get more exercise tossing and turning than walking.
16. ____ If salespeople and waitpersons are not prompt in helping you, you do a slow
burn (and give a small tip).
17. ____ You pride yourself on the number of stress symptoms you can ignore.
18. ____ Your motto is, “I will get to that tomorrow. Can’t you see that I am busy?”
19. ____ You are absolutely certain that you have the one “true” answer to everything.
20. ____ Your idea of daily relaxation is breathing deeply while brushing your teeth.
Give yourself one point for each “Y” answer.
[bhd]Scores 5 or less
Please check your pulse to be certain that you still have a heartbeat. If you do, please
write a book to help the rest of us. If you don’t—well, never mind.
[bhd]Scores 6 – 10
You are human. That is the good news. You could use a little more relaxation time and
perhaps more physical activity. That is also the good news. You are doing relatively well,
but there is room for improvement.
[bhd]Scores 11 – 15
Things are getting out of hand. You absolutely need fewer stressors in your life and more
relaxation time. Call your travel agent—NOW! Just think, now you have a good excuse
to take that long-postponed vacation. A few days of walking on the beach and you will be
[bhd]Scores 16 – 20
Things are out of hand. Call your doctor—NOW! Start that “getting healthy” plan you
have been procrastinating about before it is too late! You can feel better . . . I promise.
Here are some great ways to increase your overall wellness while also reducing your
• Try to get seven to nine hours of sleep each night.
• Work in at least 20 minutes of physical activity per day.
• Take time out just to relax (20-30 minutes each day).
• When you are feeling weighed down the stress of life, call a friend, get a hug, or take a
• Experiment with relaxation techniques, such guided imagery, biofeedback, self-
hypnosis or yoga
• Invest in an anxiety self-help program.
• Spend time with people you enjoy.
• Avoid people who are critical and pessimistic (if possible).
• Don’t read the newspaper or watch the news for a few days.
• Pamper yourself (go to a movie, get that new book you have been dying to read, get
your nails done).
• If the symptoms are severe and chronic, talk to a mental health professional.
[bhd]Get Ready to Relax
Find a quiet room. Remove confining clothing, shoes, glasses and/or guns. Turn off the
World Wide Web (blackberry, cell phone, etc). Choose your most relaxed position on the
most restful piece of furniture in the room. Take a couple of moments to clear your mind.
Breathe deeply, placing one hand on your abdomen to make sure you are breathing
deeply (you should feel the rise and fall of your abdomen, not your chest).
After you have assumed your most comfortable position, imagine yourself in a beautiful
meadow on a glorious spring day. The sun is shining brightly and the temperature is just
perfect. Begin to focus on all the positives in your life, on yourself and on those people
who are very special to you. Ponder the small joys, such as a thoughtful neighbor, a
supportive co-worker, freshly baked bread served by a sociable waiter, shared cups of hot
coffee on an invigorating winter morning, a robin’s nest outside your bedroom window,
or anything that brings a smile to your face and to your heart.
[quiz hed]Are You a Risk Taker?
Some people just love the adrenaline rush at any age, and these hardy souls worship the
thrill of danger throughout much of their (often short) lives. If you are a male risk taker,
you may be more attractive to women than your “less courageous” brothers. From an
evolutionary perspective, such behaviors led to greater accumulation of resources or
demonstrated the abilities necessary to accumulate resources. Risk behaviors may have
also signaled hardier genes. Guess what? Men prefer risk-taking women in any
relationship, including romantic. Determine whether you are a thrill seeker or comfort
seeker by taking the test below.
Rate each of the following statements according to this scale:
3 Strongly agree
1 You have got to be kidding!
1. _____ Scary movies are great.
2. _____ Sure, I swim in the ocean.
3. _____ I would drive a muscle car . . . YES!
4. _____ Yes, I would have sex without protection.
5. _____ My foot is a little heavy . . . VROOM.
6. _____ I get bored easily.
7. _____ I don’t mind driving in snow and ice.
8. _____ Yes, I like to ski sans helmet.
9. _____ I love my motorcycle . . . sans helmet.
10. _____ I am a cop.
11. _____ I am a fire fighter.
12. _____ Give me the exotic, spicy food.
13. _____ No, I am not supposed to save money for a rainy day.
14. _____ I leave at the last minute—I will get there.
15. _____ I would like to be hypnotized.
16. _____ I like roughing it in the wilderness.
17. _____ I would like to learn to fly.
18. _____ Love those roller coasters . . .
19. _____ Sure, I like to gamble.
20. _____ I just cannot sit behind a desk.
Add up your answers to get your total score.
[bhd]Scores 20 – 30
Okay, you will probably make it to 50 years old. You like a few thrills every once in
awhile, but you are not jumping over buildings on a motorcycle like Evel Knievel. How
many bones did he break? Perhaps you want to evaluate your risks and decide if they are
in your best interest. Some of the risks listed in this test are extremely dangerous, such as
#4. I would strongly advise against those behaviors.
[bhd]Scores 31 – 45
Well, perhaps you’ll live to 40 years old . . . perhaps not. You are definitely playing tag
with the grim reaper. You may also want to think about your risk-taking behavior and
determine if it is serving a purpose other than scaring your mother silly.
[bhd]Scores 46 – 60
Seriously, have you had a sincere conversation with a life insurance sales representative?
Have you considered joining a bomb squad team? I bet you would love it. You may be an
ENTP (Extroverted, iNtuitive, Thinking, Perceiving; Myers-Briggs Personality Type).
ENTPs are risk takers—flying, skydiving, scuba diving, hang gliding, mountain climbing
and driving fast cars all have a strong appeal for ENTPs. They are unlikely to become
experts in a particular activity and more likely to sample a wide variety of different
experiences. Are you one of these very interesting people? The opposite sex is drawn to
you, if they can catch you while you are still alive.
[quiz hed]Are You Emotionally Mature?
Emotional maturity means, in essence, controlling your emotions rather than allowing
your emotions to control you. Our brains will believe anything we tell them. If you tell
your brain that you are in danger (physically, emotionally or psychologically), it reacts
as if you are sliding face first down a mountain. If you replace negative, irrational, self-
limiting thoughts with accurate, empowering and more adaptive thoughts, your emotional
control will improve dramatically. What does that mean? It means that your relationships
improve, you feel in control and happy, you like yourself more, and you are more likely
to reach your life goals. Check your level of emotional maturity with this test.
Rate each of the following statements according to this scale:
1. ____ I will talk to anyone about the emotions I currently feel or I am ever likely to
2. ____ If I am feeling melancholy, I know why.
3. ____ If I am angry with a friend, I try to address the issue right then.
4. ____ I try to do my best and I feel good about my efforts.
5. ____ I believe I should handle my problems; but I talk them over with friends and
6. ____ I know that jealousy is harmful to a relationship . . . I avoid it.
7. ____ I am not thrilled with rejection, but I know it is part of life and I cope well with it.
8. ____ I am aware that I am not perfect, but I like myself.
9. ____ No matter how hard I try, some people find fault with me. I realize their behavior
is beyond my control and I am okay with that.
10. ____ I look for solutions to my problems rather than ruminating about them.
11. ____ I understand that I cannot control other people.
12. ____ I can adapt to change.
13. ____ I am relatively free from tension and anxiety.
14. ____ I am able to find more satisfaction in giving than receiving.
15. ____ I am consistent and helpful around others.
16. ____ I am able to take negative energy and put it toward creative, constructive means.
17. ____ I have the capacity to love well.
Give yourself two points for each “1” answer and one point for each “2” answer. No
points are given for “3” answers.
[bhd[Scores 17 – 25
Your score indicates you have very good to excellent emotional coping skills.
You probably like yourself and others and have healthy, long-lasting relationships. You
sleep relatively well and feel reasonably free from annoying emotional symptoms such as
anxiety, depression, guilt, jealousy and anger. You are flexible, therefore you can bend
when the winds of change necessitate it, but you do not break. You probably have friends
with whom you share your ups and downs, and they reciprocate by sharing their emotions
with you. You enjoy people and they appreciate your consistent positive mood. This does
not mean that you do not have negative emotions; it means you are coping with them
[bhd]Scores 26 – 34
Generally, you do well. However, there are areas of your emotional life you find
troubling. You may want to feel more energetic and optimistic. You may have some
physical complaints related to stress, such as headaches or gastrointestinal symptoms.
Your relationships may not be as stable as you would prefer. Would you like to feel
better? An unrealistic, often negative, self-concept can be a prison. Examine your beliefs
about yourself and keep the ones that empower (and free) you. Take responsibility for
your emotions and your beliefs, rather than attributing them to external factors.
[bhd]Scores 35 – 51
You have some work to do before you will enjoy life as much as you deserve. That is a
compelling statement, because it indicates you have the power to make positive changes
in your emotional maturity. You need knowledge to guide you and tools to accomplish
the changes. Read the suggestions for the former category. Also, remember the mind-
body connection. A healthy body can cope with the stressors inherent in life much more
effectively than an unhealthy body. Perhaps part of your answer is getting fit and eating a
[quiz hed]Do You Have a Phobia?
One can be frightened of just about anything in this world: spiders, snakes, elevators,
caterpillars, mummies, vampires, and who knows what else. A phobia is a fear that
disproportionate to the actual danger. Depending on your way of life, having a certain
phobia may or may not be a problem. For example, if you work in a 50-story building in
New York and your office is on the 49th floor, elevator phobia is a dilemma. You will
either learn to overcome the fear or you will have the best legs and strongest heart in the
building. But if you live in rural America and never go higher than the third floor of any
building, elevator phobia is no more than a mild nuisance.
Mark each statement with “T” for TRUE or “F” for FALSE.
1. ____ You feel a marked, persistent and unreasonable fear when you encounter—or
even anticipate—a specific object or situation.
2. ____ Exposure to the feared stimulus almost always provokes immediate feelings of
anxiety, which may take the form of a panic attack.
3. ____ You recognize that you have an unreasonable fear.
4. ____ You avoid the feared situation or else endure it with intense anxiety.
5. ____ The avoidance, anxious anticipation or distress in the feared situation interferes
significantly with your normal routine, affecting your job, your social activities, or your
BONUS QUESTION (just for fun):
6. ____ Liticaphobia is a fear of F. Lee Bailey.*
Give yourself one point for each true answer. No points for the bonus question. But
wasn’t it fun? The answer is given after the explanation of your score.
[bhd]Scores of 0
You are phobia-free!
[bhd]Scores 1 – 2
You do not have a specific phobia, but you do have some annoying symptoms. Try deep
breathing to reduce your anxiety. Breathe in through your nose, hold it (five seconds),
and breathe out through your mouth. Do five or ten deep breaths and you should feel
more relaxed. It takes practice; consequently use deep breathing every time you feel your
anxiety level rising. Do not practice this while on the telephone. You will either stimulate
or frighten the listener.
[bhd]Scores 3 – 5
You may have a specific phobia. It certainly appears that you are experiencing distress.
Good news! If you do have a phobia, they are relatively easy to treat. I suggest that you
locate a therapist who is trained in this area. Remember – life is to be lived, not endured!
*Answer to bonus question: Almost true; it is fear of litigation.
[set in box or bubble somewhere in test]
There have been cases in which identical twins, separated at birth, developed the same
[bhd] Match the Phobia with the Fear
[2 column list]
1. vestiophobia a. fear of crossing streets
2. barophobia b. fear of your mother-in-law
3. meteorophobia c. fear of mirrors
4. megalophobia d. fear of gravity
5. agyrophobia e. fear of fish
6. spheksophobia f. fear of falling downstairs
7. ichthyophobia g. fear of large things
8. catoptrophobia h. fear of wasps
9. novercaphobia i. fear of meteors or meteorites
10. climacophobia j. fear of clothing
[print the answer line upside down]
ANSWERS: 1. j, 2. d, 3. i, 4. g, 5. a, 6. h, 7. e, 8. c, 9. b, 10. f
[quiz hed]Are You a Worrier?
Worrying can serve you well—to a certain degree. It can motivate you to act, if it forces
you to realize a plan of action needs to be initiated. Worry can also spark your
imagination. Unfortunately, this imagination tends to litter your internal environment
with every manner of fearful possibility. Many of these fearful possibilities do not exist
outside of our fertile minds. Nonetheless, they trigger the same damaging chemical and
physical changes as a legitimate emergency. This constant worrying can be detrimental to
your health. How do you know if you are worrying too much?
Mark “Y” for YES or “N” for NO next to each of the following statements.
1. ____ Have you noticed that you cannot forget a distressing situation?
2. ____ Do you ruminate about your perceived flaws?
3. ____ Do you go over conversations in your mind and think of ways you should have
reacted or answered?
4. ____ Do you frequently doubt your decisions?
5. ____ Do you frequently feel that the future will be gloom and doom?
6. ____ Does thinking about past or future events cause emotional distress?
7. ____ Does thinking about past or future events cause physical distress?
8. ____ Have you earnestly tried to stop thinking about past or future events and could
9. ____ Does a preoccupation with the past and future keep you from enjoying the
10. ____ Have you been told that you worry too much?
11. ____ Do you ruminate about things over which you have minimal or no control?
12. ____ Do you frequently get so upset thinking about something that you are unable to
work on a solution?
13. ____ Do you feel fearful about your health without evidence to support your fear?
14. ____ Does one of your parents or siblings (or more) have an anxiety disorder?
15. ____ Do you upset yourself if someone says something critical to you?
Give yourself one point for each “Y” answer.
[bhd]Scores 1 – 3
Worrying is natural to our species and it serves a purpose, if it is not chronic or severe.
You appear to use worry just as it should be used, to consider a situation and your
options. If you only worry about situations over which you have control and then, after
considering your options, form a plan for change, you are doing just great. However, if
you notice that you sometimes worry about issues over which you have no control (such
as events in the past), then I suggest that you read on.
[bhd]Scores 4 – 7
I am sorry to say, it appears that you have been worrying. Life can be unnecessarily
miserable if we spend our valuable time worrying about situations that can never be
changed (the past) or events that may never happen (the future). You are not a champion
worrier. That is certainly wonderful news. However, unless you learn to control your
anxiety, it could possibly get worse.
[bhd]Scores 8 – 15
Worry definitely seems to be limiting your enjoyment of life. I am genuinely regretful
that you are distressed by anxiety. You have probably tried a number of solutions to take
control of your anxiety and they have not accomplished your goal. What should you do
now? Talk to someone. Talking about your fears or concerns can shine the light of reason
on the products of your imagination. Take action! When nature gave us an imagination to
identify potential threats, it also gave us fear to spur us to take protective action. Make a
plan and follow it through. Learn to let go.
[ch title]Your Workplace Personality
[quiz hed]Would You Make a Good Cop?
Many of us enjoy cop shows, but law enforcement is less glamorous and more tedious
than television writers have led you to believe. If you have a burning desire to protect and
serve your fellow man (and woman), you probably have what it takes to wear the gold
badge. The standards are exceptionally high, as they should be. The best candidates are
friendly, caring, intelligent, polite, assertive and emotionally and psychologically stable.
Do you have what it takes to become a successful officer?
For questions 1-8, mark a “Y” for YES or “N” for NO. For questions 9-21, check either
“a” or “b.”
1. ___ Is your IQ above average?
2. ___ Could you go into your garage and sit alone in your car for 12 hours and still be
alert enough to respond immediately to a distress call?
3. ___ Could you walk into a dark building with only a gun and a flashlight (which tells
anyone in there where you are) knowing that an armed and dangerous suspect is
somewhere in the darkness? Oh, and he does not like cops.
4. ___ Could you wear 20 pounds of body armor and tools of the trade (weapon,
handcuffs, baton, flashlight, knife) in 100-degree heat and still be able to chase a
suspect several blocks on foot.
5. ___ Could you listen to all of the doughnut jokes and still smile whenever you hear a
new one (or even an old one)?
6.___ Are you willing to do your duty even if it requires great sacrifice?
7.___ Are you attracted to adventure?
8. ___Are you especially observant?
9. Which is more important to you? ____ (a) a substantial salary ___ (b) serving your
10. Would you rather ___ (a) maintain tradition ___ (b) change traditions?
11. Would you rather have ___ (a) rules and regulations ___ (b) freedom to choose?
12. ___ Do you belong to civic groups in your community?
13. Do you thrive on ___ (a) continuity ___ (b) evolution?
14. Do you like to see things done ____ (a) correctly ___ (b) creatively?
15. Do you ____ (a) have a place for everything ___ (b) like the casual lived-in look?
16. Which do you value most ___ (a) normal ___ (b) unusual?
17. Do you prefer ___ (a) new technical toys ___ (b) theories?
18. Do you rely on ___ (a) your five senses ____ (b) your gut feeling?
19. Is your focus primarily on ____ (a) your cognitive domain ___ (b) the world around
20. Do you like to _____ (a) work from a plan ___ (b) make things up as you go?
21. Do you prefer____ (a) team work ___ (b) working alone?
Check your answers against the ones below. Give yourself one point for each matching
[bhd]Scores 1 – 6
I would not quit my day job if I were you. Perhaps your personality is more creative,
imaginative and free spirited than the usual cop’s personality. If you are determined to
wear a badge, why not call your local police department and ask them if they have citizen
ride-alongs? If they do, you can learn about police work up close and personal. Hint:
Don’t ask if you can turn on the siren and blue light
[bhd]Scores 7 – 12
You did quite well. If you have a college degree and a clean record, you may qualify for a
challenging new career. You may want to learn a little more about the wonderful world
of law enforcement before you begin taking shooting lessons.
[bhd]Scores 13 – 20
This is amazing! You must watch lots of cop shows. It appears that your personality is
very similar to majority of law enforcement officers. What more can you ask for . . . a
cool car with flashing blue lights and a siren, sinfully scrumptious doughnuts and pepper
[bhd]The Detective in Action
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle
of wine, they laid down for the night and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke
and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of
galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.
Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically,
I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell
Holmes was silent for a minute, and then spoke.
"Watson, you idiot, some crook has stolen our tent."
[quiz hed]Are You the Next Shakespeare?
Do you have the soul of a poet? Perhaps you do and you are simply waiting for your
literary flair to spontaneously emerge. How does one know if one is poetic?
Mark “Y” for YES or “N” for NO.
1. ____ Have you ever had an overwhelming desire to wear long white dresses? (By the
way, if you plan on being the next Lord Byron, this means something entirely different.)
2. ____ Have you been known to send hand-written greeting cards that begin with,
“Roses are red, violets are blue”?
3. ____ Were you absolutely mesmerized (not put to sleep) by your poetry classes in
4. ____ Do you patiently reflect on a cat’s paws for hours on end?
5. ____ Is your Greek as fluent as your Latin?
6. ____ Do you sometimes put on your white dress and run barefoot through fields of
wild flowers? (Again, if you plan to be the next Lord Byron, this means something
7. ____ Have you found yourself seriously pondering the possibility of eloping with
Robert Browning (or Elizabeth if you are male), though he has not honored you with a
8. ____ Is your most treasured possession an old dog-eared copy of “Rime of the Ancient
9. ____ While conversing, do you catch yourself rhyming every sixth word or so?
10. ____ Have you ever noticed that people with whom you are conversing tend to move
to a safe distance away from you?
Give yourself one point for each “Y” answer.
[bhd]Score 1 – 4
You are still growing as a poet. No doubt, your score will increase with practice. I am
sure that Emily Dickinson didn’t always wear white. She must have determined at some
point in her career that white dresses were the proper attire for poets. She obviously
thought it should be part of her art, like an affinity for rhyming. Though her apparel
certainly had a virtuous appeal, regrettably, the wedding-dress look never caught on. Be
patient, you will develop your niche and your style as you grow as an artist.
[bhd]Score 5 – 7
Well done, you are on your way to becoming a poet. Work on the answers you missed—
practice, practice, practice. Rhyming every sixth word is a challenging task for all lyrical
artists. If it unsettles you when people with whom you are conversing move to a safe
distance, perhaps you need to consider an artier group. Another poetic soul will
understand perfectly. Good luck!
[bhd]Score 8 – 10
You definitely have the soul of a poet! The “running through the fields” task is often a
hindrance to the aspiring poet. If it is a quandary for you, try wearing sandals until you
perfect your style. We certainly do not want tender feet to thwart you in achieving your
[bhd]A Poet’s Life
Emily Dickinson (1830-1886) was a recluse who had an affinity for long, white dresses.
Some historians hint that she may have suffered an ill-fated affair of the heart. Star-
crossed lovers abound, then and now. If, indeed, the rumor is accurate, most of us can
understand her pain, if not her decision to become an ascetic and compose lonely poems.
Very few of her poems were published during her life.
Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1861-1906) learned Greek, Latin and several modern
languages when a child. An invalid during her early years, her health improved
dramatically when she eloped with Robert Browning (1812-1889). There is a lesson in
John Keats, born in 1795, published three books of poetry in his lifetime, but was
dismissed as a middle-class intruder by most critics. He had no wealth or education, lost
his parents in childhood, watched one brother die of tuberculosis and the other travel to
America, and poverty kept him from marrying the woman he loved, according to
www.englishhistory.net. Another star-crossed lover. Interesting, we may be onto
Carl Sandburg (1878 -1967) was not only a tough, outgoing reporter, but also
a folk musician who accompanied himself somewhat roughly on the guitar while he sang
folk songs. I am afraid he did not prosper in the music industry. If you visit the Sandburg
house in North Carolina you can see the chair in which Sandburg sat when he wrote. His
home and furnishings were comfortable, yet modest by most standards—unpretentious.
His home was reminiscent of his best poetry.
[quiz hed]Are You a Great Coworker?
We spend the majority of our waking hours with our coworkers. Let’s face it. The work
environment can be alarmingly tense if we do not emotionally connect with these people.
Do others enjoy having you as a coworker? Or are you ticking someone off? Remember,
you can’t change annoying behaviors until you become aware of them. There are no
perfect people in the workplace, no matter what they may believe to the contrary.
Mark “Y” for YES or “N” for NO.
1. ____ Do you see your work as a competition with only one winner? (Of course, if you
are a boxer, you are correct.)
2. ____ Are you professional and polite when meeting with co-workers?
3. ____ Do you avoid leaving long, drawn-out narratives instead of short, direct e-mail
and voicemail messages?
4. ____ Do you try to calm the waters rather than increase discontent?
5. ____ Do you share your knowledge freely with co-workers instead of guarding it as if
it were the Hope Diamond?
6. ____ Do you begin your work day with a positive attitude?
7. ____ Do you show appreciation for others’ ideas and team contributions?
8. ____ Are you patient when explaining work routines and techniques to new
employees? (You never know when that newbie may become a senior vice president.)
9. ____ Is your work wardrobe professional?
10. ____ Are you ethical at work, though it is sometimes tempting to be less
Count up the number of “N” answers that you marked.
[bhd]0 – 1 “No” answers
There are people who always seem to know exactly what to say in every situation. They
are perceived by their co-workers as enjoyable, sympathetic, professional and generous.
They genuinely like people and it shows. It appears that you are one of those exceptional
people. Congratulations, Miss Congeniality.
[bhd]2 – 3 “No” answers
You are not perfect, but then perfect is annoying. You have a little work to do. I am sure
you can eliminate those little maddening habits in no time. Watch the difference when
you arrive at work . . . warmth and sunshine. Good for you . . .
[bhd]4 – 6 “No” answers
There is much work to be done. However, I am confident that you can do it. Choose the
most popular, friendly person you know and watch how that person relates to others. Ask
Mr. Popular’s advice for changing your behaviors. As you change your annoying ways,
ask for feedback from co-workers and friends.
[bhd]More than 6 “No” answers
Does the name Machiavelli mean anything to you? Have you considered a career in the
Mafia? No, you are just fine. After all, you were honest . . . a little work and you will be a
favorite at work. In fact, you may be judging yourself too harshly. Ask for feedback from
co-workers on your “no” answers. Don’t ask the office “mom”—she is too nice to tell
you the truth. The book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnegie,
may be very helpful as you struggle to become Mr./Miss Sunshine.
[bhd]Do you recognize any of these workplace types?
The Glamour Kings/Queens never have a bad hair day, and simply do not have a clue
about work. These people are there to help us learn patience. If we do not learn patience,
one sad day we will go completely berserk and muss their hair.
The Tech Gurus know everything about computers and such nonhuman things. They
don’t even notice the rest of us, though they save our lives at times. They use words we
don’t understand and ask us questions we cannot answer
The Grapevine Raisins can tell you everything you ever wanted to know about anyone.
Some of it may actually be true. They are there to help us remember that “If you don’t
have something nice to say about someone, say nothing at all.”
The Moms. These sweethearts bring goodies to work and always have an aspirin for your
headache. Their excellent examples teach us to be caring and compassionate. (We could
use a few more of these folks. Please say thank you to your “mom at work.”)
The Passive-Aggressives do not want to risk a confrontation. Nonetheless, they want to
make our lives miserable.
[quiz hed]Are You a Workaholic?
What is a workaholic? A workaholic has an addiction to work, just as an alcoholic has an
addiction to alcohol. A work addiction means one is out of control. The desire to succeed,
or for approval, has taken control. The addiction frequently results in physical and
emotional collapse. It also tears apart families as couples grow away from each other.
Disagreements and accusations replace sharing and conversing. Work becomes a monster
that must constantly be fed with health-stealing long hours and an overwhelming
workload. Are you a dedicated employee or a workaholic?
Mark a “Y” for YES or “N” for NO (except for question 2, where you’ll mark the letter
of the answer that applies).
1. ____ Is your “leisure” reading usually job related?
2. ____ How long is your workweek?
a. 40 hours or less ___ b. 50–59 hours___ c. 60 hours or more ___
2. ____ Do you frequently eat lunch at your desk?
3. ____ Do you frequently eat breakfast at your desk?
4. ____ Are you normally the last person to leave work (right after the clean-up crew)?
5. ____ Would you rather get a promotion than improve your sex life?
6. ____ Are you so connected to your work it is like having a Siamese twin?
7. ____ Do you frequently rearrange your life to accommodate your job?
8. ____ When you are enjoying family and friends, is your focus still on work?
9. ____ Are you bringing more work home than a year ago?
10. ____ In your heart of hearts do you feel, “I must succeed”?
11. ____ Do you agree with this statement: “I have more work than I can possibly
complete .. . I have to work long hours”?
12. ____ Do you agree with the statement, “If I worked fewer hours, I don’t know what I
would do with my time”?
13. _____Has your significant other complained about your long hours?
14. ____ Do you believe, “If I don’t do it, it will not be done correctly”?
Give yourself one point for each “Y” answer.
Congratulations! You are independently wealthy through family money, retired or need
to find a job. Or, if you are employed, you are very laid back and know how to enjoy
your time away from work. You don’t allow work to blend into your leisure time. Your
boundaries are very obvious and you are highly unlikely to drift into workaholism. Good
[bhd]Scores 1 – 5
You do your job. Why don’t you try to reinforce the following work pattern? Leave your
office and walk around at lunch, bring your food and eat on a park bench, by a fountain,
or wherever it looks pleasant and inviting. If you are taking work home, take the pledge
and leave work at work.
[bhd]Score 5 – 9
I see that you are in an advanced stage of overworking and underplaying. If you are not
careful, you could gradually slide into workaholism. You might want to ask yourself
what price you have paid and are willing to pay to feed your desire to succeed. What
would it take to get unstuck? What are the obstacles to a little freedom and fun, not to
mention rewarding relationships? No, you cannot count your computer and fax machine
as friends. Make a list of the things that bring pleasure to your life. How often are you
doing those things? Start incorporating at least two or three of them into your schedule
each week. It could become a healthy habit.
[bhd]Scores 10 –14
You are just inches away from spontaneous combustion. Stand back, please. However,
you did take the test; consequently, you have begun to explore life after work. You have
made a very good start. I am supremely proud of you.. Did you know that you could
actually be more productive if you took breaks to refresh and refuel? Not with bourbon
straight up, of course.
[quiz hed]Are You a Free Thinker?
Have you been told that you are creative, imaginative or a free thinker? Do you color
outside the lines? Let’s see how creative you are . . .
Mark “Y” for YES or “N” for No.
1. ____ Do you believe it is better not to rock the boat or to create waves (whichever
cliché you prefer)?
2. ____ Do you look at the individual trees rather than the forest, then turn the trees
sideways to see if they fit better into your vision?
3. ____ Is it impossible for you to see any stop signs in problem solving?
4. ____ Are you more abstract than concrete?
5. ____ If you feel it in your gut, is that the way to go?
6. ____ Do you say, “You want me to make the decisions? Be prepared for a radical new
7. ____ Do you believe that instructions are not meant to be taken literally?
8. ____ Do you consider even the wildest ideas seriously?
9. ____ Do you believe, “If there were only one way to solve a problem, Ford would sell
only black Mustangs”?
10. ____ Do you believe that what worked for your grandparents can’t be the best way?
Give yourself one point for each “Y” answer.
[bhd]Scores 0 – 1
You are one of those cognitive people, aren’t you? Perhaps you are a nuclear engineer,
brain surgeon, accountant or bomb expert. Coloring outside of the lines may not be your
strength . . . for which we are all eternally grateful. Your answer to a professional
question is normally not “Funky! Lets throw out the rules and do something radical,
dude.” If you are a brain surgeon, please be assured a very minimal degree of radical
creativity is ample. Let’s never forget poor Dr. Frankenstein.
[bhd]Scores 2 – 5
You are creative, but not fully committed to a “let’s change it” philosophy. You are
willing to look at the status quo and decide if it has significance and worth. Since you are
not bound by either the traditional or the radically different, you can do what feels right
after investigating each unique situation. You pride yourself on your ability to see
projects with integrity of concept. You don’t want to be labeled in any way.
You attempt to keep all of your creative options open. Very cool!
[bhd]Scores 6 – 10
You are adept at using your imagination and perceiving projects and situations from a
provocatively different point of view. Front, back, sideways, upside-down—you do
whatever it takes to create the spiritually unique. Line, color and fiber—nothing is too
insignificant to catch your attention and to be molded to your design. You are painstaking
in creating options where none existed. Color outside of the lines? I doubt that you even
see the lines. Awesome!
[quiz hed]How Are Your Interview Skills?
Most of us know that one should not chew bubble gum and blow bubbles during an
interview—unless, of course, the company you are interviewing with is the Wrigley gum
company. Even then, it would be risky and not recommended for the faint of heart. A
black leather flight jacket and boots (though totally cool) are probably not a good idea
either, unless you are applying to Harley-Davidson. Even then, if the position you eagerly
anticipate is vice president, I would strongly consider wearing, at minimum, a Brooks
Brothers or Ralph Lauren suit. Test your interview skills with the following quiz.
Mark “Y” for YES or “N” for NO.
1. ____ When preparing for an interview, do you research the company?
2. ____ Since you know all about yourself, do you thoroughly review your résumé?
3. ____ Since you want to be perceived as a skilled “people person,” do you leave your
cell phone on during an interview?
4. ____ Do you take up part of your interview asking questions about the company?
5. ____ Do you discuss salary during the interview?
6. ____ If asked about your weaknesses, do you say that you have none?
7. ____ Do you dress casually for the interview, so they won’t think you are obsessive?
8. ____ Do you wear clothes in bold, cheerful colors, hoping they will think you are
friendly and open?
9. ____ Do you tell the interviewer how many résumés you have sent, so she will think
you are in demand?
10. ____ Do you use your very best manners in an interview?
Give yourself one point for each answer that matches those listed below.
1. Yes. Companies are interested in themselves. They are flattered and pleased when you
show interest. In addition, they reason that if you were motivated enough to research the
company, you would probably also be a self-motivated, enthusiastic employee.
2. Yes. When the interviewer asks you a question about yourself or your past
employment, you should be able to give names and dates without looking. If you must
refer to your résumé, you appear unprepared.
3. No. I don’t think there is any reason to expound on this question. Always turn off your
cell phone before you begin an interview. If you forget, and it rings, answer it loud
enough for the interviewer to hear, “I am sorry, Mr. Bush, I can’t talk now. I am in an
important interview.” It might work.
4. Yes. Having no questions prepared indicates simply that you are unprepared. An
interview is a business conversation. You are allowed to ask pertinent questions.
5. No. Do you remember those pertinent questions we were discussing in question four—
this is not one of them. Wait until you are offered the job. Then you can also ask for a
Jaguar business car, a new ground-breaking laptop and a six-week paid vacation in the
Caribbean. If they say yes, please email the information about your new employer to me.
My Corvette leaks.
6. No. I am certain they would believe that. Yeah, right, instead, you might mention a
skill that you are currently trying to improve.
7. No. Dress according to the job you are seeking, as we discussed in the introduction. If
it is an office position, wear accepted office attire for your area of the country. If you are
applying for a coaching position at a school, then wear your Polo shirt and casual pants.
8. No. Wear bold colors only if you are applying for a job dancing in Vegas. Otherwise,
subdued colors are probably safer. Not because they are intrinsically better, rather,
because you are less likely to make a poor first impression. Some interviewers will be
traditional in their color preferences. Why take the chance? A big smile will tell your
interviewer that you are open
9. No. Well, I suppose she might. However, she might think that you are not
genuinely interested in her company.
10. Yes. You would be surprised at how much interviewers are impressed by
good manners. If mom or grandma said “it” was good manners, do “it”!
Excellent manners will open doors that remain closed to intelligence, an
attractive appearance and/or previous experience. If you have all four, so
much the better . . .
[bhd]Scores 1 – 3
Perhaps it is best if you do some interview research before attempting to get that all-
important job. I have just the resource for you. Go to www.jobinterview.net. They have
all sorts of hints and references, including 900 interview questions. Remember the Boy
Scout motto, “Be prepared.” Go forth and conquer. Good luck!
[bhd]Scores 4 – 6
You have some job interview skills that probably serve you well. However, when you are
competing for the perfect job, especially in the present tight job market, you want to
shine. Do your research to find out how you’ll stand out from the crowd. I am certain you
will make a spectacular impression . . . fingers crossed.
[bhd]Scores 7 – 10
It appears that you have the expertise to become a professional job interviewee or
consultant. You have acquired very valuable knowledge and you can share it with your
job-seeking friends. Congratulations on your interviewing acumen! Cheers!
[quiz hed]What is Best the Career for You?
Are you in a career that matches your personality? Perhaps you just fell into your work
because it was available when you needed a job. Or you may be following a venerable
family tradition. Grandmother did it, dad did it, and so you took up their fallen flag and
marched on. Dad may have treasured his life-long pursuit of the perfect insurance policy
for each of his customers—that does not mean insurance would fit your personality. If
you try to fit into a job that does not reflect your interests, talents and character traits, you
may find that you have a lot of stress in your life. Let’s see if you are in the ideal
Mark each question “Y” for YES and “N” for NO, based on whether that trait is most like
you, the majority of the time.
1. ____ Do you enjoy parties?
2. ____ Is your favorite pastime reading a good book?
3. ____ Do you live for excitement?
4. ____ Do you have lots of friends?
5. ____ Do you feel most alive when you are interacting with people?
6. ____ Do you drive fast?
7. ____ Do you feel happiest when you have a nice evening at home with just a good
movie and a few logs in the fireplace?
8. ____ Do you need to talk to others to think things through?
9. ____ Do you frequently look forward to some private time alone with your thoughts?
10. ____ Would you describe yourself as primarily an outdoor person?
11. ____ Do you enjoy spending hours on your computer?
12. ____ Does working with numbers come easily to you?
13. ____ Are you usually cheerful and enthusiastic?
14. ____ Has anyone ever asked you if you were a cheerleader in school?
15. ____ Do people say that you are mature beyond your years?
16. ____ Is art one of your passions?
17. ____ Were you disciplined in school for talking in class?
18. ____ Is the editorial page your favorite part of the newspaper?
19. ____ Do you frequently cry at the movies?
20. ____ Have you ever dreamed of living in a cave and being a hermit?
[bhd]Outgoing and Caring
If you answered yes to most of these questions: 1, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 13, 14, 17 and 19, you
are probably a very outgoing, caring, sensitive person who thrives on interaction with
your fellow creatures. You want to serve humankind. You would be happiest in jobs that
allow you to mingle with people much of the time. These jobs include:
[2 column list ]
retail sales singing
restaurant work teaching
acting service occupations (therapist, minister, nurse).
[bhd]Law Enforcement Material
If you also answered yes to numbers 3 and 10, you might want to add a little zing to life
by becoming a police officer, FBI agent, sky marshal, pilot, or soldier. Or you could keep
your current job and buy a motorcycle. The vast majority of law enforcement officers are
extroverts with a high tolerance for adrenaline. Cops are also uncommonly service
oriented. Most of my police applicants listed “service to the community” as their primary
reason for choosing law enforcement as a career.
[bhd]Reserved and Thoughtful
If you answered yes to most of these questions: 2, 7, 9, 11, 12, 15 and 18, then you are
probably more reserved, thoughtful, introspective, analytical, comfortable with your own
company, and goal oriented. You would be happiest in jobs that allow you to use your
talents in a less people oriented environment. These jobs might include:
[2 column list]
research medical specialist
dentist computer programmer
tax examiner accountant
[bhd]A Creative Question
If you also answered yes to question 16, then your talent may lie in more artistic
endeavors such as photography, jewelry design, cooking, website design or any other
occupation that allows you to create.
[ch title]Six Quizzes Just for Fun
[quiz hed]Are You Psychic?
Do you have a unique awareness that is completely unrelated to your five senses? Do you
sometimes know things, yet you cannot explain how you know them? It is said that some
individuals are so exceptionally sensitive to their environment, they can perceive what
most cannot . . . disembodied spirits. Perhaps you are one of these exceptional people.
Take the following test to find out. Hush . . . quiet. . . Did you hear that noise?
Mark a “Y” for YES or “N” for NO.
1. ____ Have you ever known the phone was going to ring before it rang?
2. ____ Have you ever felt a sudden chill in a room, when there was no apparent reason?
3. ____ Have you ever seen anything that could not be explained by science and logic?
4. ____ Have you ever felt you were being watched when you were alone?
5. ____ Have you ever had a vision or a dream that came true?
6. ____Have you ever had a successful session with a ouija board?
7. ____ Do you have an open mind about the supernatural?
8. ____ Would you refuse to spend the night in a supposedly haunted house?
9. ____ Do you meditate?
10. ____ Have you retained the childlike ability simply to accept new experiences, free of
11. ____ Are you more likely to make decisions using your gut feeling than your rational
12. ____ Have you ever been told that psychic ability runs in your family?
13. ____Do you wear black 90% (or more) of the time?
Give yourself one point for each “Y” answer. As for question 13, just kidding.
[bhd]Scores 0 – 4
If you have a psychic ability, it has not been fully developed. Perhaps your personality is
rational and pragmatic and you prefer to explain strange phenomena with logic. If you are
interested in improving your psychic abilities, you can practice meditation and open
yourself up to new experiences.
[bhd]Scores 5 – 8
Your score indicates you are open to unique experiences and you value an open,
inquisitive mind. You may have experienced the supernatural. Perhaps you would like to
enhance this area of your personality by learning more about spirits.
[bhd]Scores 9 – 12
It is certainly possible that you have psychic ability. Your score is particularly
encouraging. You, as well as the last group, may have experienced the supernatural. It
would be a pity if you did not learn more about this enthralling subject and about your
innate ability. Perhaps take a ghost tour, plan a vacation to spots that are rumored to
be haunted, and read some scholarly books on the paranormal. Happy ghost hunting!
[set in a box or bubble on scoring page]
[bhd]The Ghost of Lincoln?
Eleanor Mondale, daughter of former vice president Walter Mondale, insists a ghost
visited her one night at the vice president’s mansion (Evans & Huyghe, 2000). It is said
that presidents Abraham Lincoln and James Garfield did not “leave the building” when
their terms expired. They are still there, alarming unsuspecting guests and demanding
[quiz hed]Is Your Personality Written in the Cards?
Some people say that the images used on tarot cards originated 15,000 years ago in
ancient Egypt. The practice of reading and interpreting tarot cards, to delve into one’s
mist-shrouded future, dates from the 1780s. Can the tarot tell your future and explain
your past? One never knows. Are you a person who would take pleasure in a tarot
reading or learning more about tarot? Gauge your interest and belief with the following
Mark a “Y” for YES or “N” for NO.
1. ____ Are you drawn to the imaginary rather than the concrete?
2. ____ Do you love to experiment with the new and unusual?
3. ____ Do others describe you as unique?
4. ____ Are you excited by possibilities?
5. ____ Are you considered very logical?
6. ____ Were you drawn to math and science in school?
7. ____ Do you prefer fiction to factual books?
8. ____ Do you believe: “If you cannot see it, it does not exist”?
9. ____ Are you conservative in your dress, automobile and home-decorating choices?
10. ____ Are you still waiting for Houdini to make contact?
Be generous; give yourself one point for each answer that indicates an adventurous, open-
1) Y, 2) Y, 3) Y, 4) Y, 5) N, 6) N, 7) Y, 8) N, 9) N, 10) Oh, Yes
[bhd]Scores 1 – 4
You have a healthy skepticism about the implausible. Perhaps tarot reading is not your
cup of tea. A better-founded precognitive process may be more acceptable to you. Alas, a
science-based predictor of the future is—in the future. You may simply rely on the old
adage, “The best predictor of the future is the past.”
[bhd]Scores 5 – 7
You are biding your time. You have not made a firm commitment to either the world of
science or the occult. If you saw an actual ghost, you would in all probability believe in
ghosts—at least, that particular ghost. You would probably enjoy the novelty of a tarot
[bhd]Scores 8 – 10
You are really into the unknown, fantasy and possibilities. You love would a tarot
reading and find it a life-changing experience! You are probably on your way out
of the door to buy your deck of cards and adopt a black cat.
[quiz hed]If You Were a Dog, Which Breed Would You Be?
Dogs have distinct traits, just as human beings have diverse personalities. Most of us are
aware that dogs have many admirable qualities, such as loyalty, unconditional love,
tolerance, patience, gentleness and compassion. They are also fun loving. Just suggest a
dip in the water, catching anything you can throw, or an invigorating jog, and your dog
will be right there with you. Take this quiz to learn which breed you belong to..
Select the answers that are most like you, only one answer per question.
1. On a trip to the beach, you are most likely to . . .
a. Sit in a comfortable chair under a lovely umbrella and sip vintage bubbly.
b. Grab an unsuspecting sun lover (practicing your neck-hold technique) and hang on for
c. Save three children, an elderly beachcomber, six beach balls and a rubber float.
d. Enjoy the water with your family. Maybe catch a few Frisbees.
2. While spending an evening at home, you are most likely to . . .
a. Read Homer (The Odyssey) and drink bubbly.
b. Learn another neck-hold technique form Chuck Norris.
c. Practice CPR.
d. Play games with your family . . .
3. On your vacation, you are most likely to go to . . .
a. The French Riviera to buy more bubbly.
b. The FBI training academy.
c. The Alps, skiing and learning to balance with a 30-pound keg of brandy around your
d. Disney World with your family for a week of fun.
4. While shopping, which of the following would you most likely purchase?
a. Bubbly and caviar
b. Handcuffs and a nightstick (we called them “batons” now)
c. Bandages and a satellite directional finder
d. Rubber ducks for the swimming pool
5. Choose your style of clothing from the following:
a. The most expensive designer labels
b. Anything with a black belt and pockets to hold your hand grenades
c. White with a big red cross
d. Cut-offs and an old Dallas Cowboys t-shirt
6. Choose your favorite mode of transportation from the following:
a. Concorde jet (or whatever took its place)
b. The Batmobile
c. An ambulance
d. The Love Bug
7. Choose your perfect home from the following:
a. Buckingham Palace
b. The Pasture (home of the CIA)
c. Johns Hopkins University Hospital
d. A tree house
8. Choose your favorite drink from the following:
a. Vintage bubbly
b. Molotov cocktail (it explodes . . . really)
c. A keg of brandy
d. Kool-Aid®, dry and neat
9. Choose your favorite author from the following:
a. Homer (No, not Simpson)
b. Ollie North
c. Florence Nightingale
d. Dr. Seuss
10. Choose your motto from the following:
a. He who dies with the most bubbly wins!
b. Tie between “Survival of the fittest” and “I am very sorry you must die.”
c. Ils sont fous ces Romains (those Romans are crazy).
d. Life is a beach.
11. Choose your favorite TV program from the following:
a. Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous
b. Reruns of The A-Team
12. Choose your ideal career from the following:
a. Wine sampler for Beringer Vineyards
b. Mob silencer
c. Mother Teresa’s replacement
d. Wal-Mart greeter
Count your answers in each category (a, b, c and d). Your category is the
one in which you have the most answers.
[bhd]Scores in “a” category: Afghan
You are active. You have an innate instinct to chase anything that moves.
Not known for servility or an obedient nature, your aristocratic spirit has been mistaken
for moderate intelligence. In fact, you are quite intelligent. You are proud, strong and
dignified with speed and power. Your hair is your crowning glory. You are
discriminating in everything you do, including choosing friends. All in all, a very classy
breed . . . congratulations!
[bhd]Scores in “b” category: Rottweiler
You can be good natured and family oriented. You are always on guard, protecting
possessions and people. Because of your size and strength, you must constantly keep
your hostile traits in check. Self-control training at an early age was necessary. If left in
peace, you are a pussycat—but God help the person who threatens someone you care
about. You are courageous and loving. A very admirable combination . . .
[bhd]Scores in “c” category: St. Bernard
You are a wonderful, gentle giant in character. You live to serve and nurture. You are
protective, watchful, affectionate, friendly and playful. You can be calm and sedentary or
energetic. You adore children and are very submissive with them. You appreciate
frequent, large meals and you have a robust, healthy appetite. There is one unfortunate
trait: you tend to drool while waiting for your meals. Carry a hankie at all times.
[bhd]Scores in “d” category: Labrador Retriever
You are a sweetheart. You would be described as gentle, intelligent, playful and obedient.
Your family is of utmost importance to you. Show you some water and you are at your
best, splashing and playing. You are a gifted swimmer and sports companion. You have
many friends and an active social life, because you enjoy everyone. And as you can see in
the mirror, you are also darn cute.
[bhd]No Ordinary Pooch
Citizens of Edinburgh, Scotland hold a special place in their hearts for Greyfriars Bobby,
a wee Skye Terrier who was no ordinary pooch The tiny canine is still loved today, many
years after his death, for his loyalty and devotion to his dear friend and master, police
officer John Gray.
Gray acquired the now famous terrier as a watchdog sometime in 1856. Man and dog
became inseparable. Two years later, Gray died of tuberculosis and Bobby began a
graveside vigil that spanned a decade. For 14 years, each day, without fail, Bobby kept
watch over his master's grave, until his own death in 1872.
Today, visitors continue to pay homage to the little dog so revered by the city of
Edinburgh, snapping photos of his tombstone and statue. His history and the city of
Edinburgh are everlastingly intertwined.
[quiz hed]Are You a Physical Fitness Nut?
As most people know, the more active your lifestyle, the healthier you will become.
Looking gorgeous is a primary motivator, but don’t forget that the benefit of a physical
fitness can last a lifetime. Are you physically fit enough to become governor of
California? Or are you a workout wannabe?
Check each of the statements below that describe you.
1. ____ You lift weights at least three times a week.
2. ____ You have consulted a personal trainer at least once.
3. ____ You subscribe to at least one fitness magazine.
4. ____ Going to the gym is important to you.
5. ____ You eat enough protein to build muscles.
6. ____ You eat enough carbohydrates for the energy you need to workout.
7. ____ You exchange fitness information with other fitness enthusiasts at the gym.
8. ____ At least some of your friends are also fitness fanatics.
9. ____ You feel uncomfortable if you miss a scheduled workout.
10. ____ You appreciate the sculpted look of toned muscles.
11. ____ You look up fitness information on the Internet.
12. ____ You include aerobics in your workout.
13. ____ You would be distressed if you lost your conditioned, buff appearance.
14. ____ You believe that working out achieves much more than toned muscles.
15. ____ You sometimes lecture to others about the many benefits of a regular workout.
Give yourself one point for each checkmark.
[bhd]Scores 0 – 5
I believe that “nut” is too strong a word for your fitness regimen. Let’s say you are a
“nut” wanna-be. You are considering physical activity and have incorporated some
fitness standards into your schedule. You have not committed to the lifestyle required by
a true dyed-in-the-wool gym devotee. Perhaps you would like to know more about
attaining fitness and the advantages thereof. Fantastic! Arrange a meeting with a friend or
personal trainer at the gym who can introduce you to the enthralling world of biceps,
triceps and gluts.
[bhd]Scores 6 – 15
You are a true fitness nut. You have learned that the benefits of a powerful, physical-
activity program are numerous. You look great, probably years younger than your
contemporaries! You are seldom ill. You have lots of energy and enjoy life. Even your
sex life is more robust. Go forth and spread the word: exercise is great!
See what you can do with those folks in the first group.
[quiz hed]Does Your Car Fit Your Personality?
There may be quite a difference between your dream car and your current wheels. But
which marvel of automotive engineering is written in the stars for you? Take the
following quiz to find out.
1. From these choices, pick your favorite color . . .
A. ____ Green
B. ____ Black
C. ____ Maroon
D. ____ Anything bright
E. ____ Gray
2. I prefer to drive on . . .
A. ____ Peaceful country roads.
B. ____ Over hill and dale.
C. ____ Fast paced interstates.
D. ____ Rough and ready dirt roads.
E. ____ Curvy and challenging roads in France.
3. From these choices, pick your driving music . . .
A. ____ Folk
B. ____ Traditional rock and children’s songs
C. ____ Classic rock
D. ____ Loud anything
E. ____ Luciano Pavarotti
4. I prefer to eat . . .
A. ____ Baby greens . . . a nice little vegetarian meal.
B. ____ Hamburgers or Hamburger Helper®.
C. ____ Brie and wine from a picnic basket.
D. ____ Supersized burger and fries.
E. ____ Biscotti and cappuccino
5. From the choices, pick your favorite pastime . . .
A. ____ Backpacking through Europe (snacking on apples and funny mushrooms)
B. ____ Picking kids up from school, piano lessons, soccer . . . whatever . . .
C. ____ Sitting on the bank of a stream, contemplating my car’s horsepower
D. ____ Mud wrestling and rock climbing
E. ____ Going to museums and conversing with my stock broker
6. From the choices, pick your favorite clothes . . .
A. ____ Tie-dyed t-shirt, Birkenstock sandals and peasant skirt
B. ____ Whatever is most resistant to baby food stains
C. ____ Faded denim, fitted black t-shirt
D. ____ Shorts and torn t-shirt
E. ____ Faded denim, a tweed sports jacket with leather patches on the sleeves, and a
Whichever letter you have chosen most often is your car style.
If you were primarily “A,” you must find a VW bus with bright flowers painted
all over it. If one is not available, a new green VW will suffice. Peace, man!
This is easy . . . an SUV in any color with a TV/VCR for the munchkins. Must have easy-
to-wipe seat covers (chocolate makes an awful mess on cloth seats). Don’t despair—one
of these days, your darling little ones will get past the paint-with-food stage. Then you
can have the automobile you were always meant to drive. Be patient.
You will adore a Corvette, a Viper, a Shelby Series 1, a powerful Mustang convertible, or
another sporty ride that can go from 0 to 80 mph in 2.3 seconds. Unless you’re driving a
police car, watch those speeding tickets!
Ah, the risk takers. You will love a 4 x 4 pickup with the huge, oversized tires. You
would probably choose a Hummer if you have the bank account. Have fun and keep your
health insurance (not to mention life insurance) premiums up to date.
Very classy . . . you appreciate BMWs, Ferrari 360s and Jaguars. If you have
accumulated more cash than you can possibly spend in one lifetime, you must consider a
[bhd]The Eclectic Choice
What if you did not fall into any category? You are exceptionally unique. Well, what
about a Duct, the amphibian vehicles produced in extremely small numbers during the
‘60s? They are unique and as versatile as any vehicle you could ever hope to find. No?
What about a helicopter?
[quiz hed]What Can the Newspaper Tell You about Yourself?
Your newspaper reading habits can actually reveals something about your personality.
Are you the funnies or the obits? Let’s find out with this quick test.
Make your section…
I turn to this section of the newspaper before I read at anything else:
Stocks and bonds_____
Editorial Page (love the cartoons)_____
[bhd]The Front Page
You are interested in breaking news. You want to be aware of the most urgent topics.
You probably read the news on the internet and watch it on television, and you may listen
to it on the radio while driving to and from work. You are the person to ask if one wants
to know what stories are currently making headlines in your region, country and world.
You are interested in people and activities and you don’t want to chance missing anything
You enjoy a good laugh to start your day. You prefer the good news first; the bad news
isn’t going anywhere. You have a hearty sense of humor and enjoy telling and hearing
funny stories. You smile and laugh frequently. People enjoy being in your presence,
because your good humor is infectious. You may also read Dave Berry first on Sundays.
You lean toward the humorous and ridiculous…it makes life so much more fun. Keep
[bhd]The Health Section
You are interested in wellness and strive to learn more about diet, exercise, research in
the wellness area and information about diseases and disorders. You believe that
knowledge is power and one must take responsibility for one’s healthcare. Or, perhaps
you are in the health field and want to keep abreast of the groundbreaking research. You
are intelligent and inquisitive. Good for you!
You are probably a male, though not necessarily. You likely love your wheels. Does your
mate complain about the time you spend washing and waxing your car? Have you told
her, “Yes, I spend time with the car, but dear, you are not a classic.” If I were you, I
would refrain from saying that again and take her out to dinner. Your car is much too
small to live in.
You really must find some other interests.
[bhd]Stocks and Bonds
Ah, the people with money and a risk taker personality. You realize that playing the stock
market is just gambling without the cute little costumes, ostentatious shows and tacky
decorating, right? Perhaps, you are very accomplished and normally make money. I
congratulate you. If so, would you please send a few tips to me?
Find the crossword puzzle people and together you can find a life. They will teach you
how to look for incomprehensible words that have absolutely no significance in the world
in which we live. You can tell them about the latest reality television show. I bet you
would enjoy playing tennis; it will save you from all of that looking back and forth, and a
possible neck injury. It is great exercise and you will feel younger and more attractive.
No? What about skiing?
You are a thinker, aren’t you? You want to go beyond the story and read knowledgeable
opinions. You want to understand the “why” behind the when, what and where. You
thirst for interpretation of the headlines. You want to understand at a deeper level. Your
intelligence is probably, at a minimum, two standard deviations above the norm.
I had an elderly friend who quipped that she read the obits page everyday to be sure she
wasn’t in it. So you actually read this first? How are you feeling? Get in touch with those
hearty folks who read the comics first. They will have you laughing before you can say
This is the life change section. One reads this if one needs a new job, a used television, a
puppy, a house or a car. I have found that one can learn a great deal about a new city by
reading the classifieds in their paper. If you are reading the classifieds everyday, you are
making numerous changes. You are probably an experience seeker.
[ch title]People Skills and Socializing
[quiz hed]Are You Outgoing or Introspective?
Which are you—the table dancer or the bookworm? Or are you somewhere in the center?
Find out by taking this quiz.
Answer each of the following questions by circling A or B.
1. What would you like to do on a free evening?
A. Read a great book and enjoy the time alone.
B. Hone your party-animal skills.
2. It has been a bad-hair day and your goldfish drowned. What do you do?
A. Think about what this means in existential terms.
B. Call your best friends and tell them about your fish’s essential place in your life.
3. You are at a business party with lots of people and great food. What do you want to
A. Wrap up some food and put it in your pocket before you unobtrusively sneak away.
B. See how long it takes to talk to every single person in the room.
4. You are at home for the evening. What do you want to do to entertain yourself?
A. Put on your jammies and listen to calming music as you contemplate the
mysteries of the universe.
B. E-mail and call friends to keep from going crazy.
5. You are stuck in an elevator filled with people. What do you do?
A. Try to exit through the escape hatch.
B. Get their e-mail addresses so you can keep in touch after sharing this meaningful
6. You are presenting a report to 50 of your favorite co-workers. What do you feel?
A. Extreme anxiety immediately before walking into the closet and locking the door.
B. Energized by the group’s participation (as you try to drag your co-presenter out of
7. You are gardening on a lovely spring day and your neighbor comes over to tell you
about her recent operation. What do you do?
A. Tell her that you are late for your tuba lesson and hide until she goes away.
B. Listen with spellbound interest and then share your full medical history.
8. You are trying to decide whether you should change jobs. What do you do?
A. Write down your options after checking the Internet for the best-paying jobs. Give
each option serious thought and rank them alphabetically and numerically according
to their ZIP codes.
B. Call your best friend, and your mother, and your former high school history teacher
(Mrs. Pomegranate) and ask for their advice.
9. You are dating a new person and believe this may be “The One.” What do you do?
A. Consider how well (or not) this person would fit into your life. Spend time with
him/her, but still need your alone time to recharge.
B. Spend every free minute with this entrancing creature.
10. You have decided to take up a new hobby. Which hobby would you prefer?
A. A cozy readers’ discussion group.
B. Rock climbing with 30 of the nicest people you have ever met.
11. You have gone to a lovely restaurant with a couple of close friends and one of your
buddies tells the waiter it is your birthday. The wait crew sings “Happy Birthday” to you.
What do you do?
A. Turn a brilliant shade of crimson. Immediately remove your “friend’s” e-mail address
from your computer contacts list.
B. Enjoy the entertainment and hope that you get a free dessert.
12. A friend comes to you to talk about the problems in his marriage. What do you do?
A. Give him Dr. Phil’s website address.
B. Listen, sympathize, cry and empathize with your friend (unless you are late for a
Count your “A” answers and your “B” answers.
[bhd]A majority of “A” answers: You are more of an introvert
You tend to be quiet and thoughtful. You like to consider a situation before acting. You
enjoy people—but you would rather take them in smaller groups and you do not need as
much human interaction. You need time alone to recharge after interacting. You are
likely to choose a career that is not people oriented.
[bhd]A majority of “B” answers: You are more of an extrovert
You are outgoing around people and are energized by groups. You are likely to look for a
career in professions that allow you to work with people. You probably have a large
group of friends and acquaintances with whom you communicate regularly. Your
recreational activities will revolve personal interctions You are naturally talkative and
[bhd]A little bit of both
Quite a few people will fall into the category. Congratulations, you have a winning
combination of both outgoing and introspective traits!
[quiz hed]Can You Trust Your First Impressions?
Our first impressions are often based upon instinct and emotion, not on rational thought
or fact based evidence. How good are you at sizing up your car salesman, blind
date, teacher or therapist? What are your first impressions based on? Do they work for
you? Find out by completing the following quiz.
Mark each of the following statements as “true” or “false.” Don’t think too hard!
True___ False___ I think blondes are less intelligent than brunettes.
True___ False___ Tall men are manlier than more vertically challenged men.
True___ False___ Lawyers should not be trusted.
True___ False___ Men are not as caring and compassionate as women.
True___ False___ People in some occupations (e.g., minister, doctor) are
more trustworthy than individuals in other occupations (e.g., car salesman,
True___ False___ Wealthy people are more honest than poor people.
True___ False___ I know at once if someone is unreliable.
True___ False___ If I immediately dislike someone, there is a very good reason
(though I may not know the reason at that time).
True___ False___ Yes, physical attractiveness greatly influences my first
True___ False___ Highly educated individuals are more intelligent than their
True___ False___ Thin figures (Barbies) are more attractive than more robust
True___ False___ Unfriendly people are emotionally cold.
True___ False___ Muscular men are more masculine than “softer” males.
True___ False___ Men are more assertive than women.
True___ False___ Voluptuous women are more passionate than their less
generously endowed sisters.
Give yourself one point for each time you answered “false.”
[bhd]Scores 1 – 5
You appear to be relying on stereotypes in forming your first impressions. Chew on this
fact: Since one individual is different from all other individuals by definition, stereotypes
are a logical impossibility. Let me suggest that you become more aware of the criteria
you use in making assumptions about individuals. We all use stereotypes; we simply need
to be aware that they are seldom accurate.
[bhd]Scores 6 – 10
You have rejected many of the stereotypes that are common in our society. But be aware
that you may tend to uphold some others. Take a second look at the criteria you use when
making first impressions. In other words, is this working for you? You don’t want to
choose the wrong friends or let Mr. (or Ms.) Right get away.
[ahd]Scores 11 – 15
You have rejected many, if not all, of the stereotypes (and perhaps, physical appearance)
as significant considerations in making your first impressions. Good work!
[quiz hed]How Well Do You Listen?
Have you ever wondered if you were connecting emotionally with the people in your
life? Do you feel that they understand you? Do you understand them? Comprehending, as
well as “hearing,” what we are told is a vital skill
Mark “Y” for YES or “N” for NO.
1. ____ Friends often come to me when they want a reality check.
2. ____ I have noticed that friends tend to repeat themselves in our conversations.
3. ____ I show that I am listening attentively to others by nodding my head occasionally.
4. ____ I sometimes paraphrase what they have said to be sure I understood correctly.
5. ____ When friends confide in me, I often tell them about a similar problem I have had.
6. ____ I am so in tune with my friends that I frequently complete their sentences.
7. ____ I lean forward and maintain eye contact with the person speaking.
8. ____ I always make time to listen to a friend in need.
9. ____ During conversations, I usually think ahead about what I will say next.
10. ____ I really hate it when people tell long-winded stories.
Give yourself one point for each correct answer.
[bhd]Scores 8 – 10
You really should be a counselor. Your friends are very lucky to have you. It seems that
you are listening in a way that allows you to receive the full message. Good Job!
[bhd]Scores 5 – 7
You have some effective listening skills, but you are not “hearing” and understanding as
well as you could. Try practicing all of the “yes” answers and examining your “no”
answers. You will find that you can improve your listening skills in a very short time.
Patience and practice are your tools to more intimate relationships through effective
communication. Human beings adore being heard and understood.
[bhd]Scores 0 – 4
Perhaps your talent lies in speaking rather than listening. Try the suggestions for the
above scores. Paraphrase what friends say and then ask them for feedback. Did you
understand correctly? With a little help from your friends, you will soon add listening to
your list of talents. You will love the warm and fuzzy feeling you get when you truly
connect with someone (especially if he looks like Indiana Jones).
[bhd]The Personality Factor
Know your personality type and your partner’s type and attempt to listen with those traits
in mind. See the first chapter for more on these types (cognitive personality, emotive
personality, and experience seeker)
Cognitive people can sometimes be blunt in conversations. They do not like to be
redundant; they may conserve words and they may forget some of the verbal niceties. It is
not meant to be rude or hurtful. You must tell them what you need. Nonetheless, if one
chooses a cognitive person, this is part of the package—sorry.
If your true love is an emotive personality, she may be quite emotional at times (hence
the name). This normally passes quickly if you listen and are supportive. Again, tell her
what you need to communicate effectively. You may or may not get it. Remember that
your partner is a caring person and wants to be liked.
What if you have an experience seeker? They are more difficult to predict and are not
generally described as sweet and gentle. You may see anger reactions. You may see
shutting down and not communicating. If so, schedule a later time for the discussion.
Give them their cave time. As always, tell them what you need.
[quiz hed]How Shy Are You?
All of us are on a social continuum from hiding behind the curtains to entertaining the
group with stories and songs while wearing the curtains. Check your level of shyness by
rating each of the following statements using the scale below.
3 Extremely disturbing
2 Moderately disturbing
1 Less disturbing
0 Not disturbing at all
To what degree do the following situations disturb you (if at all)?
1. _____ Public speaking
2. _____ Participating at meetings
3. _____ Presenting at meetings
4. _____ Talking with a group of people
5. _____ Being assertive with others
6. _____ Dating or talking with romantic interests
7. _____ Being watched while eating
8. _____ Having one-on-one conversation
9. _____ Talking with authority figures
10. _____ Being introduced to other people
11. _____ Being teased or criticized
12. _____ Being the center of attention
13. _____ Being watched or observed
14. _____ Using a public restroom
15. _____ Returning items in a store
16. _____ Making eye contact
17. _____ Ordering food in a restaurant
18. _____ Worry in advance about speaking
19. _____ Being introduced
20. _____ Returning food in a restaurant
Remember, there are no right or wrong scores on this test.
Add up your answers to get your total score.
[bhd]Scores 0 – 20
You feel uncomfortable in a few social situations, but you still fall well within the norm.
If you would like to be more gregarious, just begin to push your social boundaries a bit.
For example, if you are uncomfortable being the center of attention, try to spend very
brief times as the center of attention. Increase the time gradually until you feel
comfortable for as long as you choose.
[bhd]Scores 21 – 40
Your shyness is restricting your behavior, because there are several situations in which
you are slightly distressed, or you feel very disturbed in a few situations. That means you
will probably avoid those circumstances. As you rely more on avoidance, your limitations
increase. As in the answer above, push your boundaries, read a good self-help book on
shyness or social phobia, or see a therapist who has worked successfully with shyness.
You may yet dance on that table.
[bhd]Scores 41 – 60
You may be crossing over from shyness into social phobia. Your fears are more likely to
interfere with your usual routines. I suggest that you ask your physician for a referral to a
therapist. Even full-blown social phobia is relatively easy to treat; most individuals
respond quite well to treatment. You will be so thankful that you opened up your social
world to new adventures.
[quiz hed]Are You the Jealous Type?
Very few emotions (and behaviors) will destroy a relationship faster than jealousy.
Though many “green-eyed” individuals will tell you they are jealous because they
desperately love their mate, jealousy is not about love. It is about insecurity and/or fear of
Mark “Y” for YES and “N” for NO.
___ Do you play detective and give your mate the third degree when he/she has been out
of your sight?
___ Do you test your partner to discover with whom he/she has talked?
___ Do you feel anxious about your mate’s fidelity when he/she is at work?
___ Have you ever looked through your mate’s wallet or purse looking for
___ Do you check your mate’s car mileage to be certain he/she has not
driven a few extra miles?
___ Do you record your mate’s phone conversations?
___ Do you check your mate’s cell phone bill to determine with whom
he/she has spoken?
___ Do you push “redial” on your home phone or your mate’s cell phone to
determine the last call he/she made?
___ Do you follow your mate to be sure he/she is going where he/she told
___ Do you send one or more children along with your mate when he/she
goes to buy gas or groceries?
___ Do you regularly page or call your mate’s cell phone just to find out
where he/she is and with whom?
___ Do you feel threatened when your mate looks at someone of the
Add up your “Y” answers. That is your score.
[bhd]Scores 0 – 4
Even a “low” jealousy score is destructive to your relationship. Perhaps you and your
mate can talk about the jealous behaviors and make positive changes.
[bhd]Scores 5 – 8
There is definitely a problem. Please ask your physician or friends for the name of a good
marriage counselor. Rush to the phone and make an appointment. This may be the most
important phone call you will ever make.
[bhd]Scores 9 – 12
Your relationship is unhealthy and it has the potential to be exceedingly dangerous. Ask
your physician to make a counseling appointment for you— and to persuade the
counselor to see you as quickly as possible. Go now!
Why are you sitting there?
[quiz hed]Can Anger Get the Best of You?
Anger is a healthy and perfectly normal human emotion. It can motivate us to take action,
feel empowered, or stand up for ourselves when we are being treated unfairly.
Rage, on the other hand, is neither healthy nor acceptable. Furthermore, others do not
react favorably to an enraged person. Let’s see how you are handling your anger.
Choose “A” for always, “S” for sometimes, and “N” for never.
1. A ____ S ____ N ____ I avoid angry intimidation to win an argument.
2. A ____ S ____ N ____ I put aside my anger at times rather than take the risk of losing
someone I care about.
3. A ____ S ____ N ____ I use calming techniques when I get angry.
4. A ____S ____ N ____ When I am angry, I decrease my volume to get the attention of
the person with whom I am angry.
5. A ____ S ____ N ____ I don’t scream and turn purple to let off steam.
6. A ____ S ____ N ____ I don’t ruminate about how badly I have been treated and how
angry I am.
7. A ____ S ____ N ____ We all suffer frustrations; if we are mature, we show mild
8. A ____ S ____ N ____ I talk about my anger when I begin to feel calmer.
9. A ____ S ____ N ____ I can’t reason with someone who is extremely angry . . . I don’t
10. A ____ S ____ N ____ I think people respect individuals who get miffed and stand up
Give yourself the following points for each answer. Then total your points to get your
1. Sometimes - 0 points Never - 2 points Always - 0 points
2. Sometimes - 0 points Never - 0 points Always - 2 points
3. Sometimes - 1 point Never - 0 points Always - 2 points
4. Sometimes - 1 point Never - 0 points Always - 2 points
5. Sometimes - 1 point Never - 0 points Always - 2 points
6. Sometimes - 1 point Never - 0 points Always - 2 points
7. Sometimes - 1 point Never - 1 point Always - 2 points
8. Sometimes - 1 point Never - 0 points Always - 2 points
9. Sometimes - 1 point Never - 0 points Always - 2 points
10. Sometimes - 1 point Never - 0 points Always - 2 points
[bhd]Scores 0 – 10
You may have a trivial anger problem. Ask yourself this question, “How many friends do
I have?” Then ask yourself, “How many long-term friendships do I have?” The answers
will tell you if you need to start managing your anger. Are you raising your voice on a
regular basis? That is not a good sign. Once you raise your voice, the addressee stops
listening. She may appear to be listening, but actually, she is not . . . I promise. She is
trying to think of a way to quietly sneak away. Consequently, if you would like to be
heard, please lower the volume. Ah, that is better . . . I knew you could do it.
[bhd]Scores 10 – 20
You appear to have a realistic idea about deriving benefit from your anger, yet not
misusing it (or your friends) .If you learn a few relaxation techniques such as meditation
or yoga, you will reap the benefits of anger control and better health. Deep-breathing
exercises are also very calming. Try this—breathe in through your nose, hold it (five
seconds), then breath out through your mouth. Be certain that you breathe out the same
amount of air you breathed in. We don’t want you getting dizzy or turning blue.
[ahd]Are You an Optimist?
How positive and cheerful are you? Did you know that your outlook, whether it is
optimistic or pessimistic, influences your enjoyment of life, your relationships and your
health? People are just naturally drawn to someone who exudes jovial good humor. Think
about it, negativity is contagious . . . so is humor and merriment. Which would you rather
Using the scale below, circle the number that best reflects your reaction to each
1 Highly Unlikely
2 Somewhat Unlikely
5 Highly Likely
1. I can scarcely wait to see what will happen next in my life.
2. I am energized when the phone rings, wondering what adventure waits on the other
3. Blue? Why would I want to waste time feeling blue?
4. I have found that most people are trustworthy.
5. My glass is usually half full.
6. I expect great things to happen in my life.
7. If one expects good things to happen, they are usually right.
8. I like most people.
9. I feel that I am achieving my goals.
10.I am close to three or more people.
11. I am capable of solving my problems.
12. People seem to like me.
13. I have one or more hobbies that I enjoy.
14. My friends are there for me when I need them.
15. Though no job is perfect, I enjoy my career.
Add up the numbers you circled for each question and then find your total below.
[bhd]Scores 50 – 75
You are practically Pollyanna. Life is an exciting adventure filled with possibilities.
Optimism is often a self-fulfilling prophecy, so you may, in fact, have better “luck” than
others. You have a zest for life that is contagious. People are drawn by your cheerfulness
and leave your company feeling more optimistic.
[bhd]Scores 25 – 49
You are on the fence—not optimistic, but not weighted down by dark fears and
predictions. If you would like to raise your score, spend more time with upbeat people.
Read books and watch movies that make you feel good about yourself and your fellow
travelers in this great adventure we call LIFE. Focus on the joys you encounter and your
score will go through the roof. Be aware of your negative thoughts; they too are self-
[bhd]Scores 15 – 24
You are feeling melancholy, aren’t you? Try looking for and taking note of joyful
experiences. Follow the suggestions above, and if you don’t feel considerably more
hopeful for the future, consider consulting a mental health professional. You deserve to
enjoy your life.
[quiz hed]Can You Read Body Language?
Your face is probably the first physical characteristic people notice about you, but the
entire body “speaks.” Body language is a substantial part of our communication—some
experts say as much as 65 to 80 percent. Are you skilled at reading these nonverbal cues?
Take the following test to find out.
1. According to research, what is the greatest distance you are likely to find between two
lovers who are whispering?
A) 2 feet
B) 28 inches
C) 4 inches
D) 18 inches
2. When you use this type of body language, you will appear warm, friendly, open and
A) Arms unfolded
B) Feet about 10 inches apart
C) Nodding your head
3. If someone is making little eye contact, it might mean:
A) He is shy.
B) He does not want anyone to read emotion in his eyes.
C) He is sleepy.
D) He does not like you.
4. If someone is wringing her hands as you talk, what might that mean?
A) She is nervous.
B) Her hands are dirty.
C) She is late for something.
D) She is open and outgoing.
5. When someone leans toward the person to whom he is talking and nods occasionally, it
A) He is near-sighted.
B) He is self-centered.
C) He is paying close attention.
D) He is having trouble hearing the other person.
6. If someone has her arms folded and legs crossed, it might mean:
A) She is cold.
B) She is feeling romantic.
C) She wants to get to know the person with whom she is speaking.
D) She is being defensive.
7. Standing tall with chest out and head high might mean:
C) Low self-esteem.
D) A poorly fitted bra.
8. If someone angles in toward a person:
A) He is being aggressive.
B) He thinks the person is cute.
C) He is trying to read emotion in the person’s eyes.
D) He is thinks the person is lying and wants to see if she is blinking.
9. If someone speaks with her hand in front of her mouth, it might mean:
A) She is trying to hide bad breath.
B) She is lying.
C) She is self-conscious.
D) She is in love.
10. We have such powerful brain “circuitry” for facial expressions that:
A) We see faces where there are none (such as in the moon and clouds).
B) We often misread expressions.
C) We get tired of reading expressions.
D) We smile and glare just to confuse people.
1) d, 2) d, 3) a, 4) a, 5) c, 6) d, 7) a, 8) b, 9) b, 10) a
Give yourself one point for every correct answer.
[bhd]Scores 0 – 4
I am afraid that you would never survive in the wild. No doubt, something large, toothy
and hostile would devour you, because you would think the snarl meant it was in love.
You may want to learn more about body language—for your own safety!
[bhd]Scores 5 – 8
You are doing relatively well and can probably communicate and understand body
language with little effort. But you may want to look into this topic further. What does it
mean when someone looks up and to the right? See, I told you there was more to learn.
[bhd]Scores 9 – 10
You should be working for the FBI. You are unusually knowledgeable about body
language, and this knowledge will give you a distinct advantage in understanding your
fellow creatures. Let me warn you, some of the nice people in the first scoring group are
going to be looking for you.