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Relationship Trust Guide

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					        RELATIONSHIP TRUST GUIDE
Helping Couples Build and Restore Trust In Their Relationship

    Brought to You By: Meka P. from http://relationshipdisaster.com




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Introduction


Everyone knows that a relationship needs solid trust in order to
really thrive. It’s no secret that the best relationships are the ones
built on strong trust, love, and communication.

They all tie in together.

If your relationship matters that much to you – then aside from
love, you must be able to give your partner trust as well.

This is a non-negotiable fact.



        “You can love a person and desire to be with a
       person, but if you cannot trust them, then there is no
       true foundation that will be lasting. When you don’t
       trust that your partner has your best interest at heart,
       you have to wonder - is that really love?”



If both love and trust isn’t present in the relationship, the
relationship is bound to end because one or both partners has
stopped believing not only in his (or her) partner or each other, but
in the relationship itself.

Trust and love need to go hand-in-hand - and having one without
the other, will simply not work.

Then there is the communication that falls into the equation.



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Now, some sources say that communication is the key to the
success or failure of a relationship. However, if there is no real trust
between a couple, then you cannot expect the communication to be
effective at all.

In other words, good communication can only be possible if you
have trust.   If you don’t have it – then don’t expect much.

As you will learn later on, communication is vital to both building
and restoring trust in a relationship.

Okay, so you know that love, trust, and communication work
together to build a strong foundation for a relationship.

Now we are going to change gears and delve deeper into the area
which a lot of couples struggle with – T R U S T.



Chapter 1: Signs of Trust Issues In a Relationship
There are quite a few signs that show that there may be trust
issues present in a relationship. If you or your partner fit these
situations, there could be some trust issues in your relationship.



* You are always checking your partners emails and cell phone
history and wanting to know who they are communicating with.



*You are overly jealousy sometimes to the point where it gets out
of hand. Tantrums, bad arguments, and even violence may occur as
a result.

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* You play detective and want to know everything about what your
partner is doing, where they are at, who they are with, and the
whole nine yards.



* You doubt your partner and don’t really believe in them. You
second guess your partner actions and feel that something is
suspicious about them.



* You are reading this ebook. You wouldn’t be reading this ebook if
you didn’t have any trust issues in your relationship. Then again,
you may just want to learn ways to strengthen the trust in your
relationship. Still, there is a high possibility that trust is a concern in
your relationship.




Chapter 2: Causes of Trust Issues in a Relationship
Trust issues can be caused by many different things. In
relationships, trust issues usually come about as a result of…

     Being cheated on in the past

     Having a low self-esteem and feeling insecure

     Deception and Lies

     Constant non-disclosure of important matters (money problems,
      secrets, etc)

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     Betrayal

These are among the top causes of trust issues in a relationship
but there are more.

People, their life experiences, and their relationships are different so
there could be other things that could cause them to not trust in
the one they are with.

No matter what the cause, it is very important to identify it,
understand it (with all honesty), and address it because it is vital
when trying to build or rebuild trust.

This will be the first step in resolving your trust issues and will be
helpful in making things better.




Chapter 3: Resolving Trust Issues
Before you actually work on building trust in your relationship, you
need to talk about your trust issues and find out the answers to
some questions.

First of all, you need to know who in the relationship has the trust
issues. It may just be them or it could be you. It may be both.

Ask yourself if you can be trusted.      Ask yourself do you really trust
your partner.

Ask your partner if they trust you. Ask your partner if they think
they are trustworthy themselves.

Make sure you and your partner’s answers are truthful and that you
really get everything out on the table about trust.
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Communication and honesty is the key here.

Now, once you know the honest answers to these questions, take it
a step further and ask why.

If your partner doesn’t trust you, find out why. If you don’t trust
your partner, tell them why you don’t trust them. If you don’t feel
that you are trustworthy, find out the reason why and the same for
your partner.

You both need to clearly know and understand the reasoning
behind your trust issues or lack of trust.

At this point, you need to evaluate everything you have learned so
far and think about where you want the relationship to go.

Do you both want to resolve these trust issues? Do you both think
you can help each other build trust in the relationship? Are you
both ready to let go of the past and finally address and resolve
whatever it may be that is causing the trust issues?

Do you see how I keep mentioning both? I did this because it is
very important for both of you to work on the issues together.

It takes two to make a relationship to work. If you want to resolve
your trust issues and strengthen the trust in your relationship, it will
take the two of you to accomplish this goal.

If you both have decided to try to make the relationship work and
work on your trust issues together, then you can finally try to work
on building trust in the relationship.

Know that it will take time. When it comes to trust, it has to be
earned and it isn’t something that can be earned overnight.

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So, let’s take a look at the things you can do to resolve and
strengthen trust with your partner - and your relationship as a
whole.


Building Trust In Your Relationship


If you and your partner want to build trust in the relationship and
resolve the trust issues present, doing the following things will help
greatly.

Remember, you both have to do them.



Be Honest

If your partner asks you how you feel on a certain matter, be
honest and tell them the truth.

Even if the truth may hurt your partner, you still need to be honest
with them. They will grow to respect you for your honesty and
eventually trust you more.

You should also try to avoid even the smallest lies because your
partner may catch you lying and wonder what other stuff you may
be lying about which brings about the trust issues.



Keep Your Promises

If you promised your partner you would take them out to dinner
that Friday, make sure you take your partner to dinner that Friday.



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You should try to keep all promises you make whether big or small.
If you feel that you may not be able to keep a promise, don’t make
it.

It’s better to not make a promise than to make one and then break
one. If you end up breaking a promise, explain why as soon as
possible and make sure they understand the reason behind this
broken promise.



Say What You Truly Mean

What you say should match your actions and body language. If
your partner asks you how you feel and you respond with “I’m
feeling fine” and your body language or actions isn’t backing that
statement up, they will have a hard time believing what you tell
them and there goes that lack of trust.



Don’t Keep Secrets

Hiding things from your partner is never a good idea in my opinion.
It is often troublesome when you keep secrets and even more
troublesome dealing with the consequences of keeping them once
they are exposed.

When you are trying to build trust, you should not keep secrets
from your partner. Be open and put everything on the table – that
is the most important stuff at the least.




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Set Some Boundaries

One thing that really threatens trust is jealousy. In order to avoid
those jealous moments partners can get, it is a good idea to set
some boundaries in the relationship.

You and your partner should discuss what behavior is acceptable
and what is not and you both should acknowledge them and make
sure not to cross those boundaries. It really does help with the trust
issues.



Be Predictable

Even though you might want to throw in a few surprises for your
partner or try to change things up to spice up the relationship, if
you are having trust issues, you would want to be predictable rather
than them not knowing what to expect from you.

Just think about it?

When do people start getting suspicious or wonder what is up with
their partner?

When they start doing things that they don’t normally do. That’s why
you should be predictable. Being predictable builds trust and also
lets your partner know what to expect from you which contributes
to being reliable.

If things do start to get unpredictable, make sure you let your
partner know about your changes and explain to them the reasons
behind them.



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Establish Open Communication

Communication will always be important in relationships. Good, open
communication helps in so many different areas and improves trust
and your overall relationship.



Believe in Your Partner & Their Capabilities

If you don’t believe in your partner or their capabilities, this can
cause trust issues in the relationship. You need to be able to
believe in them and what they are capable of doing and handling.

If there is an area or issue that you are concerned about, make
sure to discuss this with them and work through whatever issue or
concern it may be.



Express your needs

When you tell your partner about your needs, wants, and desires,
this will let them know what you want without them having to guess.
It brings you both closer and establishes understanding and trust.



Be open

Not only do you need to show your true self to your partner but
you need to be open with them and avoid putting a wall up. Your
partner should feel like they really know you and that you are not
holding yourself back from them.



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Keep Their Secrets

Your partner may share some very private information with you, or
in other words, things that they might not want others outside the
relationship to know.

If they tell you something in confidence, make sure that you keep
that information confidential.

Don’t go telling their secrets unless they give you permission. If they
see that they can tell you anything and don’t have to worry about
anyone else knowing that doesn’t supposed to, that will help
towards building trust in the relationship.



Work on Yourself

Sometimes trust issues come about in relationships because one
person had past experiences with trust issues which carries into the
new relationship.

If you have trust issues that stemmed from something that
happened to you in the past, you need to deal with that in order
to avoid trust issues in your new relationship.

It isn’t fair to your partner that they are not being trusted because
of something that happened to you in the past.

This may sound harsh but you need to work out your trust issues
and give your partner a chance to gain your trust if you want your
relationship to work and grow.

It may take time but as long as you try to work on it, let your
partner know your situation, and actually allow your partner to gain

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your trust and vice versa, things can and will work out for the
better.



Be positive.

If ever you encounter some problems with your partner (which you
probably will), do not be automatically negative about it. Staying
positive will bring the impression that the two of you will be able to
handle anything that comes your way.        Why?   Because you trust
and have each other.



Don’t leave your fights and issues unresolved.

Whenever you have some arguments or some conflicts with your
spouse or partner, do not let the day pass without talking about it.

The only exception is when you think that the two of you need time
to clear your heads or you both have arranged a time where you
both can talk about it calmly without interruptions or disturbances.

And when you do talk about it - do not bring up past mistakes, old
fights, or quarrels. This will help prevent the discussion from
escalating into another quarrel or fight.

Remember to have discussions only at the right time and refrain
from name-calling, insult throwing, or profanity-laden statements.

Obviously, doing so will not have any good results.




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Chapter 4: Restoring Trust In Your Relationship
Rebuilding trust is a lot harder than building trust. It can already be
a hard time just to build trust.

Once that trust is built and established and then broken, well, the
chances of getting that trust rebuilt again is very small.

Even though a lot of people say that once trust is broken after
being built, it can’t be rebuilt, there is still a possibility that it can
indeed be restored.

You will need time, effort, patience, commitment, love, honesty, and
forgiveness for it to be possible though.

If you are trying to rebuild trust in your relationship, you should
follow the tips mentioned earlier on how to build trust and do the
things you did to gain their trust in the first place.

Here are a few more things that are necessary to do in order to
rebuild trust.

* Let go of the past. Whatever that happened that caused the trust
to be broken should be left in the past when you decide to try to
rebuild the trust and make things work again. This may be hard to
do but it is necessary in order to move forward.

* Make the decision to be forgiven or to forgive. When I say
“forgive”, this means that you must wholeheartedly accept what your
partner has done to violate your trust, and give him a chance to
rectify whatever mistakes he may have committed.

Remember that until you can honestly say to yourself that you have
forgiven your partner – then chances are you will be haunted by

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that mistake and things will only get worse. And you certainly do
not want that.

* Set some goals for getting your relationship on the right path.

* The person who got their trust broken needs to share that pain.
The other partner needs to acknowledge the pain caused by their
actions.

* Take responsibility for your own actions and decisions.

* Be prepared to honestly answer any questions that may come
about in regards to the event that led to the broken trust.

* If you think you could use a third opinion, get some sort of
counseling to help you both with the hard task of rebuilding trust.

I recommend checking out Relationship Trust Turnaround for the
best advice on rebuilding trust and resolving even the most
complicated trust issues.

Final Thoughts


Indeed, trust (or the lack of it) will make or break a relationship.
And with that strong resolve to fix the trust that has been broken
and the dedication to make the relationship work – one can always
“trust” on the fact that everything is going to be just fine.




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Chapter 5: Trust Building Exercises
In some instances, trust exercises can actually be useful in
rebuilding or strengthening trust and even relationships.   Here are
some which you just might find some good use for:


The Triangle of Trust


1. Take out a sheet of paper and draw a large triangle in the
center.

On the bottom line of the triangle, at the bottom of your sheet,
write these words...

"What I intend and am committed to"

On the angled line of your triangle on the right side, write these
words...

"What I say"

On the angled line of your triangle on the left side, write these
words...

"What I do"

Okay, you should have your "Triangle of Trust" drawn on your
paper, with the appropriate phrase on each line.

2. Now, think of a relationship that is important to you. In this case,
it would be your partner.

Write that person's name at the top of your page.



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3. Think of a typical interaction with this person and answer these
questions as you look back on that interaction...

**How did you react to this person?

(Were you open, loving, kind, supportive, honest, secretive, closed,
dismissive, ignored him or her?)

**What did you say to this person and how did you say it?

(Were your words respectful, supportive, honest, sarcastic, cold,
mean?)

**What was your intention and commitment in this interaction?

(Was it to connect with the other person with love or to prove you
were right about something?)

4. Now write any words or phrases from this interaction that build
trust on the inside of the triangle and words and phrases that tear
trust down outside of it. Stay with your words and phrases from
your answer to #3.

5. Look at what you wrote inside your triangle, as well as any
words or phrases surrounding it.

At the bottom of your page, write what you would like to do
differently the next time to build more trust.

Here's a practical example to help you out if you're a little
confused about this ...

When Olivia did this exercise, she chose an interaction with her
husband when they decided what they were going to do on one of
their "off" days recently.

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Because it was a beautiful summer day, she wanted to get the yard
work done—trimming bushes, planting flowers, mulching.

In fact, she'd been planning it all week in her mind.

But her husband had different ideas.

He wanted to go to the arts festival that was held in their city.

When she asked herself how she reacted to her husband when he
said he wanted to go to the festival, she wrote this...

"I was angry that he wanted to skip out on the yard work and I
didn't want to listen to his suggestion."

When she asked herself what she said and how she said it, she
wrote this...

"I told him that I felt like I had all of the responsibility for the
outside work getting done and I blamed him for not helping me."

When she asked herself what her intention and commitment was in
this interaction, she wrote this...

"I was committed to getting the yard work done that day, no matter
what!"

Next, she looked at what she had written and wrote these words
and phrases outside her triangle...

"anger, didn't listen, blame, yard work done that day no matter
what"

She didn't write anything in the center of her triangle.




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In other words, she saw that nothing about that interaction built
trust between the two of them.

Of course her husband had his own issues that created mistrust too
and he could certainly do this exercise as well--but the point is...

The "Triangle of Trust" helped Olivia see that she could have done
things differently to create more trust--and get the work done.

What could she have done to build trust?

Plenty.

You'll find some incredible tips for rebuilding trust in the
"Relationship Trust Turnaround" program that's available here.

And...

As you are reading in this example—sometimes things you don't
normally think of as trust destroyers can have a devastating effect
on a relationship.

Here are a few ways Olivia could have built trust in this situation...

1. She could have asked him earlier in the week for help with the
yard work and then made an agreement with him about when they
would do it--and maybe the work didn't have to be done on the
particular day that she had in her mind.

(Be sure to check out the section in the "Relationship Trust
Turnaround" book that talks about how to create conscious
agreements.)




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2. When she discovered he wanted to go to the festival, she could
have opened herself to the possibility that maybe it might be
something she'd like to do too.

(In fact, later that evening, she did look at the advertisement for the
festival and it did look like something she would have liked.)

3. If going to the festival appealed to her, she could have
negotiated with him about how they might do both--the yard work
and the festival. In other words, she could have been open to
changing her plans.

4. If she feels like the yard work is always left to her, she could
talk with him about how he might share the responsibility or might
pick up some other chores around the house.

(Be sure you read and practice the suggestions in the section
"Communication Tips for rebuilding trust" in the "Relationship Trust
Turnaround" book.)

Olivia's interaction with her husband may be similar to an
interaction that you might have with your loved one.

On the surface, this interaction doesn't have the look and feel of
dissolving trust--but it actually does.

Of course, if your relationship is working at all, at least some of
your interactions build trust.

The idea is to create as many trust-building interactions as possible
if you want to create more peace, love and more connection.




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The Blindfold Walk


Put a blindfold over your partner’s eyes.

Guide him or her using only your touch and voice while walking in a
room with “obstacles” (clothes, toys, chairs, objects, etc).

Continue guiding until he or she reaches the “finish line”.

Give a congratulatory hug after the exercise is done.

Exchange places with your partner.

Let your partner change the position of the obstacles, without you
looking.

Do the same exercises again, but this time, let your partner be the
one to guide you.

Note: The purpose of this exercise is to enable the partners to
practice trusting and relying on each other regardless of any
obstacles that may come their way. In effect, it is telling the couple
that as long as they have each other - they are bound to reach the
“finish line”.


The Fall And Catch


Stand 1 foot behind your partner.

Tell your partner to stand and fall back into your arms, without him
or her looking back and without hesitating.

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Trade places with your partner and this time - let him or her be the
one to catch you.

Afterwards, gradually increase your distance from each other.

Repeat the exercise.

Note: The purpose of this exercise is to enable couples to let go of
their inhibitions and fears - and to help them trust on the fact that
if in reality they ever “fall” - their partner will be there to “catch”
them.


The Eye to Eye


Stand in front of your partner at a distance of around a foot.

Maintain eye contact and do not smile or make faces while doing
so.

Continue standing in front of each other for 60 seconds.

After 60 seconds are up, stand closer to each other. If possible,
stand to the point where your faces are about to meet or you can
hug each other while maintaining eye contact. Remain in this
position for 60 seconds.

Afterwards, stand at a 2 feet distance of each other. Again, do this
for 60 seconds.

Note: This exercise is meant to show the importance of intimacy
and communication.     In here, the couples will be able to feel that
the bond they have is a lot stronger when they are gazing at each



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other’s eyes at a closer distance, compared to when they are
looking at each other from afar.



Chapter 6: Relationship Trust Quotes


" The best proof of love is trust."

- Joyce Brothers


“To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved.”

George MacDonald


“A relationship without trust; is like a car without gas. You can sit in
it as long as you want, but it won't go anywhere.”


“The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust
them.”

- Ernest Hemingway


“Loving someone is giving them the power to break your heart, but
trusting them not to.”

- Julianne Moore




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"Trust enables you to put your deepest feelings and fears in the
palm of your partner's hand, knowing they will be handled with
care."

- Carl S. Avery



We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone, but
paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy.

- Walter Anderson



It takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

- Anonymous



I hope you enjoyed this ebook and took something away from it.

You have permission to share it with your friends and family or
whoever you think may find the information contained in the ebook
useful.

If you want more tips and advice on trust, I highly recommend you
check out Relationship Trust Turnaround.




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