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					                                       VE R I TA S            . . . or everything but
 Vol. IX, Issue XVI                                                                                                                             April 1, 2010




  Obamaresigns,
  Bidentakesoffice
  World to end soon

                                     Page 4

   Lady Gaga takes
   holy vows
   Pope gives two thumbs up!

                                     Page 6



   King Burger to                                  By Nathan Morgan
                                                   Senior Unity Correspondent


   open on campus                                I
                                                       n a press conference yesterday, Bridgewater          Bridgewater.
                                                       College President-Elect George Cornelius               Furthermore, in their discussions with students,
                                                       announced his plan to make Bridgewater College       78 percent expressed a desire for Bridgewater to be
                                                 into a satellite campus of James Madison University        more like JMU in five or more ways. These ways

   “RUDE”                                        starting fall 2011
                                                     “Statistics show,” Cornelius said, “that Bridgewater
                                                                                                            include, but are not limited to classes, general
                                                                                                            education requirements, living accommodations,
                                                 students have been wanting this for years and I think      class size, school policy, chain restaurants in library
                                                 it’s time we listen.”                                      and school color preference.
                                   Pages 12         Cornelius hired private investigators to interview         Cornelius is not just concerned with pleasing
                                                 and observe students. These investigators revealed         students; he has put serious personal consideration
                                                 that, of the college apparel worn on campus per day,       into this move. He believes that this is the most
  Weekend Weather                                43 percent was for JMU, another 37 percent was
                                                 for Virginia Tech and a measly 12 percent was for                                                See Page 5, JMU
    Friday, April 2

                                                   Wasteful Wednesdays announced
    Snow
    High: 22°
    Low: 19°

    Saturday, April 3
                                                   as a new initiative in KCC
    Blizzard                                       By Bryan Staudt
                                                   Senior KCC correspondent
    High: -57°

                                                 C
                                                         hartwells announced this weekend that                Since then, rumors have spread about the
    Low: -97°                                            it will proceed with the next phase of its         implementation of other themed days. Starting
                                                         implementation of themed days in the               next week, vegetarian students will rejoice as
    Sunday, April 4                              Main Dining Hall.                                          Meatless Mondays are introduced.
                                                   In an effort to conserve energy and water,                 “We considered replacing meat on Mondays
    Summer Weather                               Chartwells introduced Trayless Tuesdays at the             with healthier options such as fruits and
    High: 112°                                   beginning of the fall semester this year. Every            vegetables,” director of dining services, J Young,
    Low: 50°                                     Tuesday, Bridgewater does its part to help save the
                                                 environment by keeping trays stashed away.                                           See Page 5, WEDNESDAY


CONTENTS              Editorial • 2 | NEws • 4 | FEaturEs • 6 | Politics • 8 | ENtErtaiNmENt • 10 | sPorts • 12 | veritas.bridgewater.edu
2
    Vol. IX, Issue XVI
                                                                EDITORIAL
 Letter From the Editor
Coloring
By Bethany Funkhouser
Senior Senior Crayon Correspondent


April Fool’s! Enjoy a
festive coloring page. Turn
your finished product into
the Veritas, Mailbox 90.
We just might print the
most creative submission
in our next issue. Or, you
can cut it out to stick on a
friend’s back...
Poisson d’Avril!

            V E R I TA S

                                                                                Desk O’ Drew
       Bethany Funkhouser | das Führer

           Nathan Morgan | War Monger
           Taylor Dukehart | Tetris Master!
            Alisha Mitchell | spells real purty

             J. Adam Craig |    The Other Bearded Kid
                Chris Radke |   Jock                             Hello all,                                              office which were filled with incriminating evidence.
            Dustin Dedrick |    That kid                                                                                   Withrow continued that the tapes were not covered
            Anna Clements |     Paper cut expert                 Welcome to another edition of “From the Desk of         by “executive privilege” and that I could not, even if
                                                                the President.” This week I would like to talk about     I really wanted to, make him resign as a result of his
            Cassandra Brown |   Senior Awesome Correspondent    resigning. After a long, drawn out battle in the         decision. The decision did hold however, that I was
            Carly McAlister |   Senior Lettuce Correspondent
             Hunter Miller |
                                                                Honor council, the recount issue from last year’s        allowed to call him mean names which I chose to do
                                Senior Food Correspondent
           Danielle Offman |    Senior Caribou Correspondent
                                                                student body president race has finally been decided.    in an extremely loud and disrespectful manner.
           Madeline Pillow |    Senior Fabulous Correspondent      For those of you that don’t know, the election last     I would like to take this opportunity to clear my
              Bryan Staudt |    Senior M:TG Correspondent       year was disputed on the basis that my camp bussed       name. I hired ALL-CORN to run my campaign
                                                                in JMU students with the help of the agency ALL-         and while they may have committed actions that are
              Carrie Spade |    made a funny                    CORN. While on campus the students were given            contrary to the ideals of Bridgewater College, I never
             Rudbel Alfaro |    Fat Cat                         Bridgewater email addresses and advice on how to         expected any of this to come to light so I should
       Shenandoah Dudley |      Friend of Sarah Palin           evade taxes, but most importantly encouraged and         really get a break on this one.
                Dana Lam |      Senior Foreign Correspondent    allowed to vote in our Student Body elections.             With all of that in mind: I hereby resign the office
        Caroleigh Newman |      Socialist
         Katelyn Stackpole |
                                                                  While my representatives fought hard for me,           of Student Body President.
                                watches TV
             Jessica Steury |   Stool Pigeon
                                                                this week the Honor council Chair, Mike Withrow,
                                                                handed down his decision that I was in fact guilty of    Sincerely,
                                                                voter fraud. In his decision, Withrow commented
                Dale Harter | Apple Orchard Buddha              that not only had I engaged in voter fraud with the      Andrew T. Kirkner
                 Mission Statement                              help of ALL-CORN, my administration was also             P.S. I am not a crook
                                                                guilty of withholding audio tapes from the student
    Veritas aims to provide an accurate sampling of
    noteworthy information relevant to the Bridgewater
    community. In keeping with the College’s overall
    pursuit of excellence, the purpose of Veritas is to give
    both practical experience to its student participants
     and provide a high quality newspaper on campus.
                          Veritas
                      Campus Box 90
                    Bridgewater College
                    Bridgewater, Virginia
                          22812
                                                               EDITORIAL                                                                                                                 April 1, 2010
                                                                                                                                                                                                           3

Op-Ed
  These are a few of my favorite things
K.G.
Senior Conspiracy Correspondent

    I know that many of you think I’m a                             athletic program and a meal source, I focus                                 Instead of focusing on the Honor
sour person, but you really ought to know                           on how having the stables is like having a                             Council’s storm troopers and execution
that there are many things I love. Take, for                        petting zoo on campus.                                                 squads used to curb cheating with extreme
instance, this time of year. It is my absolute                          Instead of focusing on how the ghost of                            prejudice, I focus on our upstanding
favorite.                                                           Cole Hall got zapped by a proton pack after                            citizenship.
    I may be our staff conspiracy theorist, but                     terrorizing us for decades, I focus on how                                 Instead of focusing on the fact that the
I don’t even think this school is all bad. Every                    much fun it is to go to plays.                                         chicken trucks that drive by will probably
place has its seedy underbelly, even Disney.                             Instead of focusing on the grease pooling                         give us bird, swine and squirrel flu, I focus on
But it’s never good to focus solely on the bad.                     at the bottom of my tray from the Nest, I                              how readily the Nest is able to get us chicken
That leads to bitterness. Instead of focusing                       focus on the fact that I can now lubricate my                          tenders.
on how Disney used the blood of third-world                         car door.                                                                  Instead of focusing on the fact that there
orphans as the red pigment in many of our                                Instead of focusing on how Dr. Hopkins                            are zombies in McKinney Hall, I focus on the
favorite animated movies, I focus on how                            possesses the arcane secret of the brown note,                         fact that my shotgun is always nearby.
much fun those movies are.                                          I focus on our wonderful concerts.                                           Instead of focusing on how PDP . . .
   I hope to do the same to our beloved                                   Instead of focusing on the gnomes that                           well, I guess some things at this school are
Bridgewater.                                                        live in the library and gnaw on sleeping                               just Pretty Damn Pointless.
    Instead of focusing on how Bridgewater                          students’ ears, I focus on staying awake and
has an equestrian program to serve as both an                       studying.




 I’m a boy looking for a girl. She has to smell
 good...I mean REALLY good. Preferably, scent
 must be delicious not floral. I’m a vegetarian, but
 flowers don’t appeal to me. I like running and
 protecting those I love. I also really like fast cars. I
 have wisdom and knowledge that exceeds what
 you would expect from my youthful appearance.
 Some say my eyes even change color.
 Applicants must be approved of by my family,
 pass a blood test, and like things that sparkle.
 Your awaiting love,
 E.C.
 Express your opinion! Veritas welcomes Op-Eds and Letters to the Editor on any subject whether of campus, local, state, national, international or universal significance. We reserve the right to make
 minimal edits for clarity and space. Send your contributions to Editor Bethany Funkhouser at bnf003@eagles.bridgewater.edu.
4
    Vol. IX, Issue XVI
                                                                 NEWS
  Goat milk?
  Local farmer donates goats to campus to trim lawn and provide KCC with milk
By Erin Cartwright
Senior Lactation Correspondent




B
       ridgewater’s local farmer Jim McDonald is                                                                 “The milk in the KCC is great,” said junior Mark
       donating goats to assist maintenance with                                                                 Gibbs. “I knew I could tell something was different
       trimming the lawn while also supplying                                                                    about it; it’s slightly sweet with a salty undertone.”
students with milk in the KCC. The goats were                                                                      Bridgewater president Phillip Stone was thrilled
bought on campus during spring break in order to                                                                 with the replacement of cow milk with goat milk in
keep students from alarming the goats from their                                                                 the KCC. “Goat milk is a great way to get new kinds
duties.                                                                                                          of nutrients into our students,” Stone said. “They
  Maintenance wanted to participate in the “going                                                                seem to be healthier and happier than ever.”
green” movement by teaming up with a local farmer.                                                                 Goat’s milk is a great source of calcium, amino
They think the use of goats is a great way to conserve                                                           acid tryptophan, protein, phosphorus, riboflavin and
energy.                                                                                                          potassium. It is supposed to be a healthier option
  “By eliminating the use of heavy machinery, we’re                                                              than cow milk. “I’ve been drinking goat milk all
reducing our carbon footprint,” said Billy Gruff,                                                                my life, and I’m glad to share it with Bridgewater
manager of maintenance staff. “These goats did an                                                                students,” McDonald said. “I just hope they enjoy it
excellent job on the lawn and we hope to bring them                                                              as much as I do.”
back again.”
  Student reactions to the milk seem to be positive.




Newspringclassoptions Gold texts
By Danielle Offman
                                                                                                                 By Bethany Funkhouser
Senior Travel Correspondent
                                                                                                                 Senior Capitalism Correspondent




L                                                                                                                T
       ast week, the administration announced its        to get to Anchorage. The price for the class will be            he Bridgewater College bookstore announced
       plan to add another spring class to the course    around $2,800 in order to have enough money to                  Wednesday their proposal that all required
       offerings. The class would give students          get there and even buy some souvenirs.                          textbooks for the next academic year be hand
another opportunity to take classes that are not           Even though it seems like a lot of money, Fleis       painted and bound in gold.
normally offered during the semester, much like          said he would be more than willing to pay for             The less than modest nature of the proposal left
the interterm travel courses.                            everyone’s trip so long as they contribute at least     many students enraged or confused.
  This new type of class will begin in early             $400 and pay for their own souvenirs. “I really           “I don’t think the “Pokey Little Puppy” people
March and would last for two weeks. During               think the students would benefit from this kind         do physics books,” said concerned student body
this time, students will meet like a regular class       of trip so I definitely don’t mind paying the           president Andrew Kirkner.
for a few hours every day. Each student wishing          difference,” Fleis said.                                  He is right, of course, but by gold books the store
to participate in this new idea must have prior              This generous offer was met with great              does not mean Random House’s Little Golden Book
approval from their other professors.                    enthusiasm when it was announced at the meeting         series, but rather that the current titles will be bound
  The teachers will have a paper or some other           where the details of the trip were discussed. Due to    in an ornate, gold filigree hard cover.
assignment for each student leaving to finish,           his offer, Fleis now has about 30 students signed up      “Books are expensive as it is,” said America-hating
making up for the time away. So far, only one of         for his class.                                          Marxist Christy Villalobos, “won’t this make it even
these revolutionary classes is being offered: an           Each student agreed to pay the minimum amount         harder for certain students to purchase books?”
Alaskan cruise.                                          and some students even offered to lighten the             In fact, many students voiced concerns about the
  This class will be about nature and students           load that Fleis would have to pay. It was only later    rise in cost. A spokesperson for the bookstore said
will be able to see all the wildlife. In Alaska,         discovered that these students were joking with         there will be no increase in textbook price.
the students will be able to see different kinds         Fleis. Every student signed up is excited to go and       “There is no need to raise the price on the part of
of whales, bald eagles and maybe even caribou.           appreciative of Fleis’ generosity.                      the consumer,” the bookstore said in a statement
The scenery provided by the cruise will include            Even though this is a trial class, the responses      released on Wednesday. “Existing prices will more
gorgeous views of the mountains and different            to the idea have so far been positive. The students     than cover the cost, though the Bridgewater store
forests.                                                 think the class will be fun and will be a good way to   may take a bit of a hit.”
  Even though it is about nature the class will be       break up the monotony of the semester.                    The statement also included three reasons for the
taught in Spanish as a way to combine different            Although Fleis has been generous by paying for        switch. The first reason is for the obvious aesthetic
courses in classic Bridgewater form. Charles Fleis,      everyone, not every teacher will be this nice so        enhancement.
assistant professor of foreign languages, will be        students shouldn’t expect this if the idea becomes        “We can do away with grimy, used copies entirely,”
the instructor for this class and is excited for the     the norm next year.                                     a bookstore employee pointed out. They also noted
change of pace when it comes to the trips he takes.        For more information students should contact the      that gold is one of the Bridgewater colors.
  “I usually go to countries where it’s warmer so        registrar’s office                                        The second reason is an attempt to compete with
this is going to be a BIG change,” Fleis said. The                                                               online sales. The bookstore plans to order the books
cruise will also allow the students the chance walk                                                              from an exclusive source and in offering something
in the forests and see more of Alaska than just the                                                              hand-made, provide something students cannot get
coast.                                                                                                           anywhere else.
  A cruise to Alaska is usually $1,079 per person
for ten nights and that doesn’t include the airfare                                                                                                 See Page 5, GOLD
                                                              NEWS                                                                                  April 1, 2010
                                                                                                                                                                    5
From Page 1, WEDNESDAY                                                                                         From Page 1, JMU
said. “But we decided that the best way to help        want to eat on Sundays.
                                                                                                               academically responsible and viable course for
the environment would be to simply serve less            “A lot of the cooks didn’t think it was fair that     Bridgewater to take. “I mean,” Cornelius explained,
food. Fewer animals are killed, students eat less,     the cleaning staff got a day off,” Jay said. “So we     “JMU students are doing some really cutting-edge
everyone’s happy.”                                     decided to create Staffless Sundays.”                   research into the human physiological response to
  Dining services also plans to introduce Forkless       Food will be left out Saturday night so that          ethanol stimuli. This is the kind of stuff that makes
Fridays. “Students will have to learn how to eat       students can come in any time on Sunday and             Bridgewater students eager to participate and
noodles with chopsticks, I guess,” one Chartwells      make their own meals. Then, once they’re done,          reflect.”
cook suggested. “It will be a cultural learning        they will take their plates to the wash room,             Aside from social and academic concerns,
experience.”                                           scrape them off and clean them.                         Cornelius believes the merger will be good for
  Also starting next week will be Soapless               “It might sound unpleasant,” Young said, “but I       athletic reasons. He believes there will be “fruitful
Saturdays. While students may not notice an            think it will give the students a better appreciation   cross pollination” between the JMU and BC players.
                                                       for Chartwells. Besides, it will save the school          “I hate to admit it,” Cornelius continued, ‘but
immediate difference in their dining experience
                                                                                                               I think Duke Dog would wring Ernie the Eagle’s
on Saturdays, the cleaning staff certainly will.       some serious money.”
                                                                                                               neck in a fight, which will now be possible to watch
  “Trayless Tuesdays was a huge success,” Young          Perhaps the most controversial day of the week        considering our new partnership.”
noted. “We wanted to find another way to save          will be Wasteful Wednesdays. Young and the                Cornelius said a match between the two mascots
water, so when someone suggested Soapless              rest of the staff realized that people might get        may be a convocation option next semester.
Saturdays, we were thrilled. Without soap, there’s     tired of saving so much water. On Wednesdays,             Cornelius also cited school songs as a reason for
no need to clean, and without cleaning, there’s no     Chartwell’s will implement such wasteful methods        the merger. “‘Madison, James Madison, We are
need for a cleaning staff, so we will just give them   as throwing out untouched food and washing all          the dukes of JMU,’ now that’s a straight forward
the day off.”                                          the dishes twice.                                       song,” Cornelius said. “Where the dickens are these
  Some have already begun to speculate as to the          “There are so many people that want to help          ‘laughing waters’ we apparently love?”
hygiene of this concept. “Wait, they’re not going      the environment on campus,” Jay said. “We didn’t          The president-elect believes this will be a smooth
to clean any of the dishes Saturday?” student Tyler    want to exclude the anti-environmentalists.”            transition. Starting in the fall of 2010 Bridgewater
                                                         So far, students have shown mixed feelings            students will be encouraged to attend social and
Broyles asked. “That’s disgusting! Can’t they at
                                                                                                               extracurricular events on JMU’s campus to begin the
least rinse them off?”                                 about all the new themed days. “I feel like they’re
                                                                                                               integration process.
  Many are unsure of what will happen to dining        trying to cater to so many types of people that           In the fall of 2011, Bridgewater College will cease
on Sundays. “I will not eat off of dishes that         they’re eventually going to cancel out their own        to exist and the JMU Village for Liberal Arts and
have set overnight, unwashed,” Madeline Pillow         efforts,” Taylor Dukehart said. “Or maybe just          Peace Studies will be born.
commented. “Isn’t that some kind of health code        start a riot.”                                            “Instead of contrasting with each other,” Cornelius
violation?”                                              And while Chartwells hasn’t announced a theme         said, “I hope the two schools will be able to
  Many students may be distressed to find they         for Thursdays yet, many continue to hope for a          complement each other, enriching the experience of
will have to wash the dishes themselves if they        topless theme.                                          all involved.”

                                                                                                               From Page 4, GOLD
                                                                                                                  The reasoning has worked with the other
 Looking for professional experience                                                                           merchandise in the store. Unlike a larger, state
                                                                                                               school that allows products with their logo to be sold

andthatextraspecialmarkonyourrésumé?
                                                                                                               in various locations, the bookstore is the only place
                                                                                                               able to sell Bridgewater merchandise and, therefore,
                                                                                                               at gold-plated prices.

           Come work with Veritas!
                                                                                                                  “I am a little concerned about hand painted books,
                                                                                                               it sounds like sweatshop labor to me,” said New
                                                                                                               Community Project affiliate and campus activist
                                                                                                               Chelsea Goss.
                                                                                                                  “It was bad enough when we were cutting down
We are looking to fill various positions in all areas with all levels of expertise                             trees in a world where we can access just about
                                                                                                               anything online, but this is ridiculous,” said Goss.
                              and commitment.                                                                     The third and final reason for the switch, in the
                                                                                                               words of the press release, was “because we [the
                       ALL MAJORS! NO PREREQS!                                                                 bookstore] can.”
                                                                                                                  It seems that most of the textbooks used in
                                                                                                               classrooms are required materials and must be
                                  Some of the Possible possitions:                                             bought, regardless of a student’s moral or economic
                                                                                                               position.
Copy Editors, News Editor, Features and Opinion Editor, Sports Editor, News Reporters, Feature                    In investigating the manufacturing process, Veritas
Writers, Sports Writers, Marketing Director, PR and Advertising Manager, Finances & Distribution               discovered that a majority of the production will
Manager,Advertisementcreation,Accountant/Bookkeeper,DistributionRepresentatives,ArtDirector,                   take place right here on the BC campus.
    Photography Editor, Photographers, Graphic/Web Designers , Illustrators, Cartoonists                          Students will be able to work in both the
                                                                                                               calligraphy and creation of the pages, as well as
                                                                                                               the spinning of gold and silk for the covers of the
              Interested? Have questions?                                                                      textbooks. That is, if they qualify for work-study.
                                                                                                                   This may provide yet another, though
                                                                                                               unmentioned, benefit to the switch. Students who
Contact Dr. Bernardo H. Motta (bmotta@bridgewater.edu)                                                         have traditionally struggled to afford books in the
                                                                                                               bookstore will now be able to deduct a small portion
                                                                                                               of the cost by participating in the production of their


 YOUR STORY, YOUR VOICE
                                                                                                               books and thereby paying for them, quite literally,
                                                                                                               with their arms and legs.
6
    Vol. IX, Issue XVI
                                                               FEATURES
  An alternative tuition The fall of the
  BC endorses new payment options                                                                                               PDP Empire
By Taylor Dukehart                                                                                                              By Sarah Mae’ Anderson
Senior Black Market Correspondent                                                                                               Senior Liberation Correspondent




W                                                                                                                               L
               ith the cost of Bridgewater’s                     we hopped on board the money train with                               et freedom ring and the Bridgewater campus
                                                                                                                                       rejoice, for the shackles of the Personal
               tuition rising every year, the                    this idea,” Miracle said.                                             Development Portfolio have been lifted.
               school has heard your cries for                     As for the exotic cars, “I would just                          Late yesterday evening, President-Elect George
help and relief ! Next                                                                really like to have a Lotus               Cornelius sent out an email declaring the removal
year, tuition will be                                                                 Eclipse or Ford GT40,”                    of the PDP program from Bridgewater College’s
accepted in illegal or                                                                Miracle said.                             curriculum.
prescription drugs,                                                                     The college hopes                         Bridgewater’s current president, Phillip Stone,
guns and arms or                                                                      instituting the “Modern                   agreed the PDP program is corrupt and “puts
exotic cars.                                                                          Tuition” idea will actually               entirely too much stress on the students, who are
   Phillip Stone,                                                                     help to decrease drug                     already overwhelmed with work required for their
president of                                                                          problems and illegal arms                 courses.”
Bridgewater College,                                                                  trade because the students                  Reflection papers and service learning, which were
and William Miracle,                                                                  will be giving away the                   once integral parts of college life at Bridgewater, are
                                                                                                                                now a thing of the past. Beginning fall semester of
dean of students,                                                                     things that create the                    2010, freshmen, sophomores, juniors and seniors
agree that this type                                       Photo courtesy of Internet
                                                                                      problems.                                 will not be subjected to the PDP program any more.
of payment is more                    Ford GT40 in Gulf Colors. Dean Miracle’s
                                                                                        While most of the college                 Incoming freshmen will not enroll in PDP 150,
applicable to our                     preferred color combination.
                                                                                      supports this movement,                   and they will be spared the tasks of “reflecting”
times. “Students                                                                      there are some naysayers.                 on the changes and development they undergo.
have easy access to                                                                   “I just do not think it is                Sophomores and juniors will no longer have to meet
all of these items, so we thought that we                        good to encourage this type of behavior                        with their advisors and discuss what they think
                                         might as well           and obsession                                                  Bridgewater has taught them.
                                         accept what             with material                                                    Most of all the seniors will be relieved of writing
                                         the students            goods,” said Steve                                             a PDP Final Reflective Essay, including supporting
                                         have, rather            Watson, associate                                              materials, a cover letter, resume and service learning
                                         than always             professor of                                                   documentation, which were all former requirements
                                                                                                                                for graduation. Sadly the class of 2010 did not
                                         demanding               philosophy and                                                 fall under this new decree and current seniors are
                                         money,” Stone religion.                                                                irritated.
                                         said.                     Next year, the                                                 “I feel like PDP is a conspiracy, the senior essay
                                            The concept college expects                                                         makes you suck up to Bridgewater so you can leave,”
                                         of “Modern              tuition to be paid                                             says Yasmien Al-Said, a current senior.
                                         Tuition”                on time and in                                                   In the midst the seniors’ grief, the upcoming
                                         derives from            the new currency.                                              seniors have already started to plan how they will
                                         the increase            Or Else. Good                                                  spend the time they would have been spending on
                                         in illicit drug         luck kids!                                                     PDP.
                                          use and illegal                                                                         “I will definitely have more time to spend on my
              Photo courtesy of Internet                                                                                        homework and more time to soak in the loveliness
                                          gun and arms                                             Photo courtesy of Internet
 Some guns that are accepted for
                                          trade. “I think                                                                       of the wonderful town of Bridgewater, “said Chelsea
                                                                                        Cocaine is one of the more
 tuition in the Fall of 2010.                                                                                                   Hames, a member of the Class of 2011.
                                                                                        expensive drugs.                          Professors are also elated about the demise of the
                                                                                                                                PDP program.
                                                                                                                                  “I was so sick of students interrupting class time to
                                                                                                                                ask me about PDP, it was the worst distraction,” says
                                                                Nose-Picking Contest                                            Dr. Motta, communications professor.
                                                                                                                                  Professors have also been freed from reading,
                                                                and Convocation                                                 grading and revising any PDP reflection papers
                                                                                                                                and they will no longer have to endure the lengthy
                                                                                                                                ramblings of students’ personal development.
                                                                                    Boitnott House                                There have been several suggestions on what to
                                                                                                                                do with the PDP Day that is usually held in the fall.
                                                                                  Thursday, April 1                             Some students have proposed a BC “Green Day”
                                                                                                                                with booths demonstrating earth-friendly activities,
                                                                                                                                or a BC “Love Day” with activities benefitting local
                                                                                             8 p.m.                             charities.
                                                                                                                                  No definite plans have been made.
                                                              FEATURES                                                                                           April 1, 2010
                                                                                                                                                                                 7

            P H OT O O F T H E W E E K                                                                                       Beer offered
                                                                                                                             in the KCC
                                                                                                                             By Cassandra Brown
                                                                                                                             Senior Booze Correspondent



                                                                                                                             D
                                                                                                                                      ue to an overwhelming request from
                                                                                                                                      students in recent weeks, the KCC has
                                                                                                                                      decided to offer beer on tap. Starting this
                                                                                                                             Friday, Bridgewater College will become a wet
                                                                                                                             campus and the milk station will be replaced with
                                                                                                                             beer on tap.
                                                                                                                               Students are thrilled at the prospect. One
                                                                                                                             anonymous student said, “Everyone knows beer and
                                                                                                                             cereal go better together than milk.”
                                                                                                                               The decision came after the staff saw an
                                                                                                                             overwhelming amount of requests on the comment
                                                                                                                             board for beer. “We want to keep the students happy,
                                                                                                                             so what better way to do it than with beer?” said the
                                                                                                                             manager of the KCC.
                                                                                                                               In a closed conference, current BC president
                                                                                                                             Phillip Stone and incoming president George
                                                                                                                             Cornelius debated whether or not to make
                                                                                                                             Bridgewater a wet campus, but came to the decision
                                                                                                                             that it would be good for “the development of the
                                                                                                                             whole person.”
                                                                                               Photo(s) by Taylor Dukehart     “We felt that we were hindering student’s
  BC’s Adonia channels the spirits of some of rock and roll’s greats for Wednesday night’s benefit concert.                  development by putting a ban on on-campus
                                                                                                                             alcohol,” Stone and Cornelius said. “That is why we
                                                                                                                             decided to allow those students 21 and over to drink
                                                                                                                             beer on tap in the KCC.”

Five Privately-Owned Italian Restaurants                                                                                       According to dining services, beer on tap will
                                                                                                                             be offered Monday through Saturday with the
                                                                                                                             exception of Sunday due to the college’s association
in Bridgewater: Coincidence or not?                                                                                          with the Church of the Brethren.
                                                                                                                               Three different types of beer will be offered to
By Jessica Steury
                                                                                                                             replace the three types of milk: Samuel Adams,
Senior Swimming with the Fishes Correspondent                                                                                Budweiser and a new brand of beer called Carry
                                                                                                                             Nation Lager.


T
        he town of Bridgewater is a peaceful town that        president of the college. “The methods of mafias are             “I look forward to a crisp, refreshing brew after a
        loves its Italian cuisine, or so it seems. But the    certainly not a part of the liberal arts education and         hard day of classes,” said JPE, another Bridgewater
        Veritas now knows the truth.                          this influence is not good for the students’ personal          student.
  Last week a student, who shall remain anonymous             developments. I am doing some research to see if                 “Here’s to you Bridgewater, Cheers!,” JPE said.
for his safety, came to Veritas to report an incident         Lincoln had any encounters with mafias and how he
which suggests a reason for the multitudes of pizza in
Bridgewater. The student confessed that the harmless
small-town capitalistic competition is actually a battle
                                                              would handle this.”
                                                                Chief Picerno also showed concern. “The students’
                                                              safety is in jeopardy and the campus police plans to
                                                                                                                             BC Eagles win
of two strong and active mafias.
  “I couldn’t keep this to myself any longer,” reported
the student anxiously. “I needed to get more student
                                                              protect Bridgewater’s students in any way that we
                                                              can.”                                                          falconry tournament
                                                                Picerno gave the Veritas some suggestions of ways            By Alisha Mitchell
loans and this seemed like a quick and easy option.           that students can avoid confrontations with these              Senior Raptor Correspondent



                                                                                                                             B
When I couldn’t pay them back as soon as they                 mafias. First of all, do not interact with anyone
wanted, I suffered the consequences.”                                                                                               ridgewater’s elite falconry team returned from
                                                              standing on street corners after dark.
  The student would not share which mafia he was                                                                                    the championship with a trophy once again.
                                                                 Also, if you have any financial concerns contact
working with, but he did warn us of the active mafias                                                                                 “We were just happy to bring home another
                                                              the business office and don’t accept loans from any
in Bridgewater. Until two years ago, only one mafia                                                                          trophy to add to our shrine,” team captain Marco
                                                              of these restaurants. Please do go to all of these
worked this town without any disturbances, residing                                                                          Marco Marconi said.
                                                              restaurants and sample their delicious menus. We
in Bob-A-Rea’s, Sergio’s and Perfect Pizza. This group                                                                         The team’s many trophies are stored in the old
                                                              wouldn’t want to infuriate them by putting them out
is known as the Floryanos.                                                                                                   gymnasium, which holds a 35-foot-tall golden statue
                                                              of business. Do not accept or deliver any “packages”
  Once Francesco’s came into town, soon followed                                                                             of Ernest the Very Bad, the school mascot.
                                                              from any of these restaurants.
by Flying Pizza, the new mafia had stepped onto the                                                                            Adding to the team’s national championship,
                                                                And lastly, when you do eat at one of these
Floryanos’ turf, calling themselves the Wamplerinis.                                                                         Byrhtnoth Maldon won Austringer of the Year.
                                                              restaurants, leave a good tip. They aren’t very kind to
Since then, our serene little Bridgewater has not been                                                                       Maldon has been working with his accipiter,
                                                              stingy customers.
as safe as it once was.                                                                                                      Princess Fluffy, since she imprinted on him as
  “This is a serious issue,” asserted Phillip Stone,                                                                         a fledgling. Maldon will take home the Golden
                                                                                                                             Creance this year.
                                                                                                                                 The school began the team in 1901 in an attempt
                                                                                                                             to control rampant squirrel populations on campus.
                                                                                                                             They discontinued this practice in 2001 when a local
                                                                                                                             chapter of PETA opened on Bridgewater.
8 Vol. IX, Issue XVI                                    POLITICS
  Open Opinions
This Week: Celebrity Infidelity...OMG!
Caroleigh Newman, Democrat
                                  I have noticed         know Obama is nothing but a socialist. He               apple pie.
                                in the news              has inspired these men to share themselves                Sarah would definitely stop these cheaters
                                lately a growing         with women other than their wives because               because she still listens to the people. I mean,
                                number of                socialism is all about sharing.                         even if she writes her speech on her hand, at
                                celebrity couples          Since Barack’s election, his tyranny has              least she isn’t using a teleprompter like that
                                broken because           reached every aspect of the lives of Americans          phoney-baloney socialist monarch Barack
                                of the husband’s         and now it appears he has seemingly                     Obama.
                                infidelity.              meandered into the private lives of celebrities.          The devilish health care system will also make
                                  As I sat down          When will America wake up and realize that              the men run wild and leave their homes, but
                                and began to             other fascist loonies like Hitler were eloquent         that isn’t the only thing it is going to do. It will
 ponder why this is, I began to consider when            speakers and that Barack Obama is doing the             take my hard-earned money and give it to lazy,
 these affairs reached their heights and came to         same thing? Obama is encouraging us to share            poor people and that is the worst thing that will
 a conclusion as to why these husbands would             everything and is causing the national deficit to       happen.
 leave their seemingly perfect homes to engage           skyrocket in the process.                                 As far as I am concerned, I will keep my guns,
 in other relationships with women who were                 In order to prevent more celebrity couples           my money, my freedom and my boyfriend—
 anything but special.                                   from succumbing to an ill fate, I suggest we            you can keep the change.
   The cheating of Tiger Woods, Jon Gosselin             look to Sarah Palin for wisdom and guidance.
 and Jesse James can all be attributed to                Sarah Palin represents what America is all
 the presidency of Barack Obama. We all                  about-- timeless values and a good ol’ piece of



J. Adam Craig, Constitutionalist
                                 Here we go again.        which states that (say it with me, now) “[t]he         appropriate. I’m suggesting “Cheetah Woods.”
                               Celebrity affairs!         powers not delegated to the United States by the       What do you think?
                               Does this ever end?        Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States,        I’m even thinking of writing Tiger and
                               Alright, you know          are reserved to the States respectively, or to the     suggesting he run for president in 2012. I mean,
                               the drill.                 people.”                                               say what you want, at least he isn’t a liar.
                                 So, what does the          Yup, that’s what it says. According to the             But seriously, I’m not going to stand in the
                               Constitution say           Constitution, Tiger Woods had every right to           way of a State’s right to make celebrities, affairs
                               about celebrities          cheat on his wife and run his car into a tree all      or running cars into trees illegal. I’m just sayin’,
                               and their right to         he wanted to on the Federal level. Who is our          this is what the Constitution says. So, stick to it,
                               have affairs?A quick       Federal government to presume that it should           blast it!
                               skimming of the            interfere in his personal liberty?                       This health care socialism has made me sick
                               document reveals             I mean, come on! Who wouldn’t want their             enough (har de har har) without these tyrants
                               nothing, that’s right,     child to grow up to be a cheating golf star. Oh,       flexing their muscles and shredding our social
                               absolutely nothing         and by the way, I heard that Tiger’s wife was          contract!
 about celebrities, adultery, movies, golf, none of       suggesting that being named “Tiger” is now not
 it.                                                      so appropriate. I mean, if you’re gonna be named
    Therefore, we look to the Tenth Amendment,            after an animal, it may as well be something



Rudbel Alfaro, Republican
                               What’s the big           Maybe we should pass a law banning everyone            times and get away with it for so long? I think we
                             deal with all of these     from being faithful. Since we now ban people from      should give him an award, maybe even make him
                             celebrity scandals?        choosing whether or not they want to purchase          an American hero.
                               There are many           their own health insurance, then it is only natural      April Fools!
                             answers to this            that we must also ban traditional marriage.              Obviously I don’t believe this; however, there
                             question; however, I         With the new ban on traditional marriage, we         is another radical solution to what seems to be a
                             believe that the real      should have communal marriage in which everyone        problem. These things are only important because
                             question should be:        is in a relationship with everyone, thus nobody        we put so much importance on them. Instead of
                             why do we care so          can ever cheat again. Further, only the healthiest     focusing on living the good life, progress and good
                             much about it anyway?      couples should be able to breed. This would            citizenship, we give these deadbeat celebrities and
                             Scandals are not only      increase the likelihood of having only the strongest   politicians lots of press and second chances.
                             plaguing Hollywood         type of children and lower the cost of our now           Instead, why don’t we hold these people
                             and the sports             communal health care system.                           accountable and not give anyone a second chance
                             industries, but also           Maybe this way we will not give a rip whether      when they live that type of life. Maybe that way we
                            politics.                   Sandra Bullock’s husband cheated on her or             can increase the sense of morality in culture and
 From the Democratic Party to the Republican            whether Tiger Woods is a mack daddy. I mean            our entire legal system.
Party, it seems being unfaithful is in right now.       how much game must one have to cheat so many
                                                          POLITICS                                                                                    April 1, 2010
                                                                                                                                                                      9

Global Perspectives
 Teaching China a lesson
By Dana Rhiannan Lam
Senior Explosion Correspondent



                            I    n an unexpected turn
                                 of events last Friday,
                                 the United States
                             launched two nuclear
                             missiles directly toward
                                                          takeover of the United States and eventually the
                                                          entire world.
                                                            Texan George Baker, who spent all weekend in
                                                          celebration of the elimination of the Chinese people,
                                                          said “Well, everywhere you look, everything says
                                                                                                                    comes from Obama’s choice to use nuclear weapons
                                                                                                                    on the Chinese is the elimination of all American
                                                                                                                    debt owed to China. Although it is a rather small
                                                                                                                    amount, the relief of any debt is positive.
                                                                                                                       Obama’s approval ratings have skyrocketed since
                             China in an attempt          ‘Made in China.’ Even here in Texas, I can’t hardly       the launch of these weapons, although they didn’t
                             to wipe out the vast         find a shirt that was made here in America! It’s about    have much room to improve to start with. Other
                             majority of the Chinese      time we leveled the                                                                    countries are even
                             population.
                             When questioned about
                                                          playing field.”
                                                            As usual, both
                                                                                      “Real Hot and spicy                                        sending their approval
                                                                                                                                                 to America, thanking us
                             his motives, President
                             Obama simply said,
                                                          Democrats and
                                                          Republicans have come
                                                                                      General Tso’s Chicken is                                   for ridding the planet
                                                                                                                                                 of the threat of Chinese
                             “It was time we taught
                             them a lesson.” Obama
                                                          together to support
                                                          President Obama’s
                                                                                      now available all over east                                takeover.
                                                                                                                                                   Even though we have
has offered no further clarification, but leaks from
inside Congress have led most to believe that the
                                                          decision. Even some
                                                          members of Congress
                                                                                      Asia...and fried rice!”                                    taken a big step toward
                                                                                                                                                 making the planet safer,
U.S. intended to punish China for its long history of     have alluded to the                                                                    we do have a long way to
human rights abuses.                                      renewed sense of safety felt by most after the missiles   go. As the global police, America must now follow
  Many Americans took to the streets in celebration       were confirmed to have landed and annihilated             through with its new human rights focus. Obama
this weekend. People across the country expressed         not only the landscape of China but well over 800         is expected to threaten Russia and North Korea
praise for Obama’s decision and delight that, as one      million of its people as well.                            with nuclear annihilation in the coming weeks. If
elderly woman from Alabama said, “Now we don’t              “We did decide to pursue this course of action          these countries are to survive these noble American
have to worry about them taking over the world!”          on the basis of human rights, but we cannot deny          humanitarian efforts, their respective governments
  Remarkably enough, there is somewhat of a               that there have been other benefits as well,” noted       should soon begin to crack down on human rights
disconnect between the president’s actual intentions      one member of Congress who chose to remain                violators within their borders.
and the American public’s opinion. Although Obama         anonymous.                                                   “We’ve got to get rid of those who threaten us
apparently intended to “teach China a lesson”               Other than the status of the United States as the       and our way of life here in America. We can’t have
when it comes to human rights, the overwhelming           world’s human rights enforcer and the power that          them coming over here and taking over. And I guess
majority of Americans seem to believe that Obama          comes from that position and the ensured safety           it’s not too good for them to be abusing their own
was saving them from the impending Chinese                of American soil and people, the main benefit that        people, either,” said Baker.




______(name)______(verb)_____(place) on_____ (action)
 A news mad lib
_____________(your name here)
Associated Press Writer

______ (position in government) ______(name)                Although the goal of the gathering was to                 “It’s not a good _______(thing) that the ___
Clinton criticized Canada Monday for not inviting         improve __________(adjective) cooperation,                (number) who are not here are ______(emotion)
all those with legitimate interests in _____(region       just the U.S., Canada, Russia, Denmark and                about it,” he told reporters.
of the world) to a meeting about the region.              ______(nation ending in –stan) were ______(past             Russia, Canada, the U.S., and _____(European
  In her prepared remarks for _____________               participle).                                              nation) all have claims before a U.N. commission
(organization), Clinton said she had been                   Canadian Prime Minister ______(BC professor)            to extend their undersea boundaries into ice-
contacted by representatives of indigenous groups         has made _______(political issue) a priority since        blocked areas, ______(conjunction) ______
who were ________(emotion ending in -ed) they             taking office in 2006, pledging to increase Canada’s      (capital city) _______(adverb) staked its claim to
were not invited and that Sweden, Finland and             military presence in the _________(direction)             the region by planting a flag ______(preposition)
Iceland — the three _____(adjective) States not           Passage in case enough ________(physical state of         the ocean floor at the North Pole in 2007.
represented — had similar concerns.                       water) melts to make it a regular _______(body of           ___________(current event) is altering the
  “Significant international discussions on               water)-________(another body of water) shipping           ________(place on earth) geography by melting
_________(adjective) issues should include those          lane. Canada says it owns the passage. The U.S.           _________(something solid) and creating
who have legitimate interests in the region. And          and others say it’s international territory.              open waterways, and with them new access to a
______(royal pronoun) hope ______(significant               Norwegian Foreign Minister _______(name                 bonanza of minerals, ________(straight-chain
historical event) will always showcase our ability        of character from Beowulf) on Monday urged                hydrocarbon) and __________(commodity
to work together, not create new divisions,”              countries to lower the tension and rhetoric around        available at Wal-Mart).
Clinton said.                                             the _______(noun) in an in effort to promote                The meeting is taking place before a summit of
  In what appeared to be a further measure of her         greater cooperation.                                      _______(title)s from the __________(Western
displeasure, Clinton did not ______(verb) the               _____________(Mythological creature), too,              European kingdom that existed between the fall of
group __________(word rhyming with news)                  was not pleased that some _______(plural noun)            the Roman Empire and the Industrial Revolution).
conference following the meeting.                         were _________(past participle).
10
     Vol. IX, Issue XVI
                                    ENTERTAINMENT
  Celebrité Exposé
Celebrities and a music video at BC
By Katelyn Stackpole
Senior Gossip Correspondent




                              R
                                     andy Young,          hottest parties are, what you should wear when going         in power. The song will hit the airwaves sometime
                                     director of          for an interview and how to get a natural-looking            soon.
                                     convocations,        tan. If you have any suggestions, please email them            Katherine Heigl recently announced she is leaving
                             announced last week          to the convocation director.                                 “Grey’s Anatomy.” She has decided to focus more on
                             that “Jersey Shore” cast       In music news, students, faculty and staff will be         her movie career and spending time with her family.
                             member Snooki will be        featured in a two-part music video for T.Pain and              When the cast was told they all cheered and then
                             appearing on campus          Lil’ Wayne’s new songs about college. Filming is             offered a new part of a young genius doctor to Miley
                             within the following         scheduled to start April 19.                                 Cyrus. The executive producers are hoping as Miley
                             month to present a             Auditions for parts in the video will be held right        has ended her run on “Hannah Montana” she will be
                             convocation on the           after Easter break. Students should have a dance             looking to take on a more serious acting role.
                             proper way to tan and        prepared and should wear the sort of clothes they             Oprah, Jay Leno and Barbra Walters are all
                             how to maintain a            normally wear to class                                       scheduled to make guest appearances on the show
                             glorious mane of hair.          Shooting for the video will take about four days          in the near future. The executive producer will be
  She will then host an after-party in the Cole Hall      and will end with a huge block party on the campus           featuring as many guest as possible in an attempt to
classroom complete with DJ Pauly D and glow               mall, complete with a moon bounce and roller-                beat the Guinness World Record for number of guest
lights. Make sure to reserve your seat; this will         skating faculty wait staff.                                  stars on a show in a season. “Sesame Street” holds
definitely be the event of a lifetime.                     Other news in the music industry, Carrie                    the current record.
  Young said he thinks this is going to be one of         Underwood, Lady Gaga, Lil’ Kim and Ke$ha will be               Check back next week for updates on the exciting
highest attended convocations in the history of the       releasing a new single promoting women in politics.          events coming to campus. Make sure to work on
program. Next year he is planning to bring more           The song lyrics will focus on Sarah Palin, Hilary            a dance for the music video and come up with
“real-life” people onto campus who can help us            Clinton and Nancy Pelosi.                                    convocations for next semester.
discuss real issues students deal with everyday.            When asked about the song, the ladies said they
  Some pertinent current issues include where the         were excited to be a part of a new anthem for women



  Musings
FINALS ARE BEING MOVED UP!!!
By Carrie Spade
Senior Anxiety Correspondent



                               A
                                      ttention all        basically, if you screw up, you’re screwed.                    Are you seeing the trend here? The Bridgewater
                                      Bridgewater           Surprised that you haven’t heard about this news?          College administration is trying to cheat students
                                      College students!   Don’t be. Your beloved professors were sworn to              out of their money and a decent education.
                             Important news! I know       secrecy. They were threatened with their jobs, homes           So what are we to going to do about it? We can’t
                             the rest of the paper        and everything they hold dear.                               just sit back and let this happen. So as students it is
                             seems like B.S. this           You were going to get an e-mail from your                  our responsibility to take a stand.
                             week, but this is entirely   professors alerting you of the situation on Easter             Yes, the campus will be in an uproar, but we must
                             legitimate. Finals week      Day. The administration hoped you wouldn’t even              organize the chaos into an uprising. It is time for a
                             has been moved ahead         check your e-mail until the day after, giving you little     mutiny over the Bridgewater College administration.
                             four weeks!                  to no time to study. It is a scandal the likes of which      Think about it. There are more of us than there are of
                               All finals will be the     Bridgewater College has never seen before.                   them, so we can take them down.
                             week of April 6 through        But why are these drastic changes taking place?              The general game plan is to organize a boycott
                             April 9. This means finals   Administrators are reluctant to admit the truth, but         of all tests and classes. Think of high school senior
                             will be taking place as      after much pressing and prodding, the facts came             skip day, but jacked up on steroids. Obviously, this
                             soon as we return from       out. The administration plas for students to fail all or     applies to all students, not just seniors. And we
Easter Break! This obviously means it is time for         most of their exams. Since exams are a large portion         are going to skip class as long as it takes for the
students to start studying.                               of students’ grades in most classes, students will fail      administration to get the picture that we will not
  But the changes to the all class syllabi don’t end      their classes as well.                                       stand for this kind of academic abuse.
there. For one thing, students WILL NOT be                  What is the point of that? Well, it’s obvious, isn’t it?     The official boycott will begin April 6, the day
permitted to leave after their last final. Instead,       Bridgewater College is just after more money. When           our first final is supposed to take place. Take that
the rest of the semester will continue as usual. But      students fail their classes, they will have to retake        administration. Stick it to the man!
students, please note that classes will not feel like     them. This means the college will be getting more
normal. You see, all tests and quizzes after finals       money. Some students will lose their scholarships
week will count triple what they counted before. So       when their grades drop.
                           ENTERTAINMENT                                                          April 1, 2010
                                                                                                                  11


                            Happenings
Thursday, April 1            Saturday, April 3                     Tuesday, April 6
                             Bourbon Street on Main                Artful Dodger
Artful Dodger                1588 South Main Street                47 West Court Square
47 West Court Square         Harrisonburg, VA 22801                Harrisonburg, VA 22801
Harrisonburg, VA 22801       Free Jello Shooters                   Artful Dodging
Free taco lessons
                             Clementine Cafe                       Bourbon Street on Main
Bourbon Street on Main       153 S. Main St.                       1588 South Main Street
1588 South Main Street       Harrisonburg, VA, 22801               Harrisonburg, VA 22801
Harrisonburg, VA 22801       Shady things in the Men’s Bathroom    Elevator Music
Murder Mystery Theatre
                             Francesco’s Ristorante Italiano       Cally’s Restaurant and Brewing Co.
Brooklyn’s Cafe              101 Main Street,                      41 Court Square
20 South Mason Street        Bridgewater, VA 22812                 Harrisonburg, VA 22801
Harrisonburg, VA 22801       “Lady and the Tramp” showing          Tip the Cow Tuesdays
Dead Music
                             Valley Lanes                          Clementine Cafe
Clementine Cafe              3106 South Main Street,               153 S. Main St.
153 S. Main St.              Harrisonburg, VA 22801                Harrisonburg, VA, 22801
Harrisonburg, VA, 22801      Beer and 9-Pins                       Air Band
DJ Funky Fresh
                             Sunday, April 4                       The Pub
Gold Crown Billiards                                               1950 Deyerle Avenue
92 Chestnut Ridge Drive,     Bourbon Street on Main                Harrisonburg, VA 22801
Harrisonburg, VA 22801       1588 South Main Street                Bare Knuckle Boxing
Poker face                   Harrisonburg, VA 22801
                             Salsa-Making Night
Little Grill Collective                                            Wednesday, April 7
621 North Main Street        Gold Crown Billiards
Harrisonburg, VA 22802       92 Chestnut Ridge Drive               Artful Dodger
Animal Sacrifice             Harrisonburg, VA 22801                47 West Court Square
                             Go Fish                               Harrisonburg, VA 22801
The Pub                                                            Nothing Interesting
1950 Deyerle Avenue
Harrisonburg, VA 22801
Drunken Irishmen
                             Monday, April 5                       Bourbon Street on Main
                                                                   1588 South Main Street
                             Artful Dodger                         Harrisonburg, VA 22801
                             47 West Court Square,                 Dance Recital
Friday, April 2              Harrisonburg, VA 22801
                             Macaroni Monday                       Casey’s Lounge
Adona Music                                                        1400 East Market Street
34 South Main Street         Blue Nile Ethiopian Cuisine           Harrisonburg, VA 22801
Harrisonburg, VA 22801       181 North Main,                       Screamo
Peanut Butter Jelly Time     Harrisonburg, VA 22802
                             Team Mud Wrestling                    Dave’s Downtown Taverna
Bourbon Street on Main                                             121 South Main Street
1588 South Main Street       Clementine Cafe                       Harrisonburg, VA 22801
Harrisonburg, VA 22801       153 S. Main St.                       Fried Twinkies
Friday Night Magic           Harrisonburg, VA, 22801
                             Movie: “The Life Cycle of Protozoa”   Gold Crown Billiards
Clementine Cafe                                                    92 Chestnut Ridge Drive
153 S. Main St.                                                    Harrisonburg, VA 22801
Harrisonburg, VA, 22801                                            Coronation Ceremony
Music: Arm Pit Orchestra
                                                                   Sergio’s Pizza
Valley Lanes                                                       425 North Main Street
3106 South Main Street                                             Bridgewater, VA 22812
Harrisonburg, VA 22801                                             Food Fight
Karate
12
      Vol. IX, Issue XVI
                                                                SPORTS

Pole Dancing
By Anna Clements
Senior “Extracurricular Activities” Correspondent



W
           omen of Bridgewater College are soon            the number of classes each week,” said Lori Schrock,    concerned with anyone passing by the room.
           going to be able to participate in a new        program director of the Wellness Center.                  “I cannot wait to go to a class,” Robin Cockrell,
           aerobics class, pole dancing. The class has       Pole dancing has many benefits. “It is a cardio-      a junior, said. “What could be better than fun and
physical benefits and self-esteem benefits that the        vascular exercise,” Schrock said. “It also tones the    exercise at the same time?”
women of BC are no doubt going to enjoy.                   muscles because of the strength needed to hold             Pole dancing also helps increase self-esteem by
  Many people believe this taboo exercise is only          yourself in position on the pole.”                      helping women to become more aware of their bod-
used by exotic dancers in strip clubs. However,              The class will be for women only, including BC        ies. It helps them lose their inhibitions and enjoy the
within the past few years many gyms have included          students, faculty, staff and community members.         moment. This confidence will carry into life outside
pole dancing as an exercise class.                         Blinds will be installed on every exposed window in     the class and create an increased since of self-esteem
  The Funkhouser Center will install five poles in the     the aerobics room to help ease participants’ peace      in life in general.
aerobics room and will host two one-hour classes a         of mind and privacy. This will ensure dancers feel
week. “If the class gains popularity we could increase     completely comfortable with the dancing and are not



Hold Your Horses, Bridgewater Equestrian Team
By Chris Radke
Senior Horse Whispering Correspondent




T
                                                                                                                   were covering the horses necks. “I, like many others,
       he NCAA has suspended Bridgewater Eques-            start now? It is unfair to tarnish my reputation,       figured that these colorful tattoos were probably
       trian after recent allegations of the horses’       when many horses actually do use steerroids.” Rio’s     camouflage for the needle tracks.”
       steroid use.                                        Dancer is suspended indefinitely from equestrian          Dancer refuted this claim by saying, “The NCAA
  The team has achieved many stellar finishes in           activities.                                             didn’t even drug test us and Barbra [Long] was just
recent years at shows spanning the entire country.           Director and coach of the Bridgewater equestrian      mad that she didn’t catch any of the other athletic
Now, they are being threatened by the NCAA to              program, Sarah Irvine is also being taken into con-     teams with steroids. She drug tested us and gave the
forfeit any and all titles they have won in the past, on   sideration for the distribution of these illegal sub-   results to the NCAA.”
top of the remainder of the season suspension.             stances to the horses. She has had no comment on          Until the steroid scandal at Bridgewater College
  Barbra Long, the chair of the department and exer-       the subject as of now.                                  blows over, many of the horses are pulling Menno-
cise science program at Bridgewater College, admin-          The team was first taken into consideration for       nite buggies around town. Others, including Rio’s
istered the drug testing to the horses a month ago.        usage of steroids, when many of the horses were seen    Dancer, are looking to get into the racing aspect in
  After peeing in cups and washing their hooves, the       at the local Gold’s Gym in the town of Bridgewater.     Charles Town, W.Va.
horses went back to the stalls and anxiously awaited       According to Long, this is where many of the deals        Dancer seemed excited about this new challenge.
the results. To their surprise, the tests came up          could have been taken place.                            “I realize that this is just an obstacle in my life that I
positive for the drugs of HGH, steroids and other            “They don’t allow horses in Gold’s Gym, so why on     will overcome.
performance enhancing substances.                          earth would horses be standing around outside un-       Charles town is a door that I feel like God has
  Rio’s Dancer, a recent addition to the horse roster,     less they were taking the girls on the team to work-    opened. The good news about leaving Equestrian
was asked about the results of the drug testing. He        out…but they have cars.”                                for Horse racing is that now I will at least be doing
said, “I have nayyyver taken performance enhanc-             Long had also commented on the new tattoos that       something that makes sense.”
ing substances in my entire life, so why would I



 Bridgewater Scorecard
   Men’s Ping-Pong                                         Men’s Polo
   April 1 vs. China L, 87-12                              April 1 vs. Ralph Lauren W, 13-4
   Record: 4-23, 3-10 ODAC                                 Record: 7-4, 3-0 ODAC


   Women’s Hopscotch                                       Women’s Rugby
   April 1 vs. John Wayland Elementary                     April 1 vs. The New Zealand All Blacks
   L, 46-17                                                L, 50-4
   Record: 23-9, 20-7 ODAC                                 Record: 2-1, 0-1 ODAC

				
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