We did a lot more talking than playing. After we spoke we played a best three-out-of-five set. We spoke for greater than an hour and played for less than twenty minutes. He reiterated a point that he expressed two weeks prior, that my mistakes don't define me. He explained that as long as I keep staring at them thinking that they do, they will. Proverbs 23:7 says, "As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he." "David," he said, "you have to let go of the past and look toward the future." By this point in the conversation I had removed my hat and I was rubbing my unshaved face in exasperated mannerisms; I was running my hands through my disheveled hair. I was thinking hard, in the wrong way about the wrong things, and it hurt. It was our first time on the tennis courts in two years. We used to play a lot more; never a lot, but, a lot more than once every two years. Speaking of the conversation two weeks prior, I shall explain. I drove to my parent's home in Admirals Cove after attending my first ever SLAA meeting. That night, April 29th, I accepted a white chip. I surrendered and declared my powerlessness. That would, I guess, be the night that I entered recovery in my pursuit of sexual health. I surrendered to a new way of life that night. Following that meeting I drove to my parent's house. I found them in their theatre watching an episode of 24. They paused the show. For an hour we talked. I confessed that the primary reason I stole money from them during my confused, delinquent high school years was to pay for prostitutes. They listened as I explained that I lost my virginity to a prostitute named Joy the night of my brother's bachelor party. A sexual hunger dominated my life from that point on. I explained that I had withdrawn cash from their credit and debit accounts, throughout high school, and into my college years, to pay for my sex addiction. In high school, when they approached me about the thievery, I lied and told them that I stole the money so that I could go gambling at the dog track by the airport with my friends. To this day, I have never been to the dog track. Those days, I guess, I thought that a gambling addiction was less indicting than a sex and love addiction. To me this is complex. I don't know the where the problem begins. I have surrendered though. I am powerless. I need God. I need a Higher Power big time. I need God to manage my life. I won the best three-out-of-five match on the tennis court. But that matters only a small bit in contrast to the importance of the tennis outing as a whole. It was great to be out there with my dad; talking and playing.
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