New Microsoft Office Word Document _9_

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					The Compass Always Points North
by E L E Hammer
All my life I have had a bad sense of direction. The constant state of getting lost, and the fear of
same kept me home from many events in my life. When I was younger I would go places if the
directions were simple or I could go with someone.
My Virtual Life As I Make It Up With The Help of Today's Technology - Is There An App For
by Catherine K Murphy
OMG, I need an app to find out who my BFF's are IRL and maybe we can join a virtual book
club to finger flip through the 'pages' of our virtual books. It is a great way to kindle our
imaginary imaginations. How did we ever survive before electronics?
Pink Slime Will Save the World From Global Warming - Seriously, Ask PETA and the
by Lance Winslow
Okay so, I am okay with pink slime and believe all the global warming alarmists should eat it
instead of meat. You see, next time they fire up the BBQ or order a hamburger they should get
half pink slime and half beef. You may think that I am kidding here, but I assure you I am not.
How To Be A Comedian
by Jerry P Corley
As a professional touring comedian for 25 years, the number one question I get from people in
the audience--besides, "Why's your breath stink?"-- is "How can I be a comedian?" I am going to
try to help you tackle that challenge in this article. This isn't a fail-safe, but it could help start to
guide you in the right direction.
The Duckling
by E L E Hammer
This is a funny, true story that happened to me at a time when I was a single mom of two tweens,
had a dog two cats a gerbil and of all things a duck. This is what happens when you are trying
hard to please your children, sometimes you find yourself in a mess, read this story and see what
happens, it has a surprise ending at least it was a surprise to me!
Caricature Drawings
by Kalpa Dharmesh Joshi
Portraits and photos are so passe! For your fun side to liven up, use caricature!
Dying Is Easy, Killing Is Hard: The Evolution of Stand-Up Comedy
by Peter T Thompson
An article about the "Funny Business", the history of stand-up comedy in America. CEO's in the
business of funny, class clowns take note! Know your audience, then ignore their advice: The
Comedians Path.
How a Rip in My Pants Made Me Human Once Again
by Don V Standeford
My preoccupation with buttons has given way to a much larger and fully realized tragedy. Today
I battled one on one with a much more serious enemy. That would be my pants.
This Election Year's A Gas!
by Michael Hume
This week, the new numbers came out, and wow! The president's approval number is now
5.29.9, and gas is at 41%... of your life savings. And they've stopped putting a number on
unemployment - the Bureau of Labored Statistics is simply calling it "dang near all y'all"....
Dog Behavior, Embarrassing Humping
by Sarah L Falkner
OH NO! My Dog Just Humped My Boss' Leg - You are hosting a professional dinner for your
office. Your boss, clients, and co-workers are in attendance.
Meet You At The Flagpole (Aka "Sticks And Stones And Ak-47s")
by Wayne Behar
The simple words "Meet you at the flagpole" still sends shivers down my spine. We are
instructed as children by our parents, teachers, or other adults that "violence solves nothing," yet
we often experience that "to the victor go the spoils." This contradiction is not helped by the
inane nursery rhymes we are taught. "Sticks and stones may break our bones, but words can
never harm us." All it really informs us is that the combatant that arrives with a stick or a stone is
going to win that argument. Even the "Good Book" tells us how David wouldn't have walked
away whistling a happy tune if he hadn't brought that slingshot along.
Boys Toys and ACTION
by Steve M Ethridge
There is something in guys that drives them towards "adventure", drives them towards action.
There is something, and thank god it is there, that causes us to go "what if?" when dissecting a
The Presidential Golf Cart and the Secret Service - Golf Cart One
by Lance Winslow
Okay so, the Pope has the Pope Mobile, it is bullet proof in case god forgets to protect him I
guess, who knows maybe god might get angry over the "B-Movie" cheap costume attire some of
those in his entourage wear? I would. Anyway, many important people have specialty cars to
parade around in.
How To Write Comedy That Will Kill At The Clubs
by Jerry P Corley
Want a simple way to learn how to write comedy? Here is an example I use in my comedian
classes in Burbank where I teach students how to be comedian.
Interview With The President
by Leighton McCormick
The following is a fictionalized interview with the President. In the interview, he responds to
questions that are on the minds and tongues of American citizens from Coast to Coast.
Identification of the President is withheld to protect the myth he has created about himself.
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Occupy The Vote!
by Michael Hume
They say that if you're in your twenties and you're not a liberal, you have no heart - and that if
you're in your forties and you're not a conservative, you have no brain. This is true, of course...
so the key to attaining our Utopian national bliss is to make a few simple changes to our voting
laws! I mean, if we work it right, we can make people vote so brainlessly they won't even know
they're voting....
Why the Autonomous Google Car Needs a Blow Up Alien Doll in the Driver's Seat
by Lance Winslow
The other day, I was reading that the State of Nevada now allows driverless vehicles, cars which
are fully autonomous, to drive on their highways. Of course, there are a lot of stipulations, for
instance the vehicle must have a $3 million cash bond in place in case there's an accident in lieu
of insurance. After all, I doubt there are very many insurance companies that would wish to
insure autonomous vehicle driving through the desert of Nevada.
I'm 39 and Holding - Revisited!
by Leighton McCormick
How quickly the years pass when you reach 30. Then, at 55, you take serious stock of your life,
and consider "course corrections." And, when you hit 70, you think in terms of what you really
want to do with the rest of your life. I'm there now...and still wondering!
Easing The Radical Transformation
by Michael Hume
You gotta hand it to the president: he's got that whole transparency thing going on, big time. He
told us four years ago that, if elected, he'd radically transform the United States of America...
and, boy howdy, has he ever! You can hardly recognize the place....
Optical Protection at Its Best With Ray-Ban Sunglasses
by Lucille S Davis
It has been over 70 years since Ray-Ban sunglasses went into production with their quality
sunglasses, beginning as official sunglasses for US Army fighter pilots to now being one of the
most iconic brand style of sunglasses in the entire world. The Ray-Ban sunglasses brand has
always tried to offer the most technologically advanced lenses that will protect your eyes from
the harmful UV rays from the sun and today their advancements even let them do far more with
these popular sunglasses.
On the Subject of Buttons
by Don V Standeford
It is a constant chore through each and every hour of each and every day to maintain the viability
and positioning of the buttons on my shirt. The button that bothers me most, probably
undeservedly, is the button directly above the zipper on my work slacks. In reality I've never had
a real disaster concerning this pant button.
Birthday Cards: Uses and Effects
by Kristen Carol Anderson
In order for messages expressing feelings and good will to be effectively delivered, it is highly
pertinent that it should be put in writing and for this writing to be accepted, it is even better that
it be printed on cards. One such card is a greeting card. Greeting cards can be of various types
and one of its type is a birthday card.
5 Ways Games Can Affect Your Social Life
by Anthony Ashurst
Games have an effect on everyone, be it leading you to have an obsession with blocks because of
a world famous indie-game. Or you crawl on your hands and knees avoiding your boss,
preparing to rid the earth of Metal Gear. Games have affected me, they've shaped me to be a
socially unacceptable individual with little to no prospects in life.
End-Of-Life Counseling For America
by Michael Hume
That President Obama ROCKS! I know, right? I mean, we need to re-elect that dude right away,
if for no other reason than his awesome health care reforms... he's a man with a plan for our
country. An end-of-life plan....
Vive La Deference! (Or More Moaning, With Respect)
by Kim Van Hoorn
Firstly, I would like to get something straight here and now before I continue...I have nothing
against the French; I made the choice to live here after all. I have nothing against the lovely
people or indeed the language (apart from my lack of capability to comprehend it). I do,
however, have some problems with a few irregularities of the French system or the way they go
about things and would like to go into more detail. However, as this is an article and not a large
book, I won't. Instead my intention here is to point out, in a light-hearted manner of course, some
rather mystifying observations that have come to my attention since crossing the English
Channel in a southerly direction some years ago.
Finding A Job As A Comedian - Getting Started - Making Everything Count
by James Arthur Smith IV
If you have ever thought of yourself as a funny person and think you have what it takes to make
it to the top, then you may want to try out being a professional comedian. There are many
directions an individual can take their career as a comedian and not all directions are good.
Wildlife in Big D
by Michael Ross Lewis
Our middle-class neighborhood borders on the green belt surrounding White Rock Lake. The
houses, mostly constructed of brick with wooden shake roofs, are surrounded by trees of every
type - pecan, oak, maple - and regularly attract denizens of the forest to gardens, backyards and
alleys. Armadillos, rabbits, possums and raccoons are frequent visitors; now and then we see a
coyote or two patrolling their territory, hoping to catch a stray cat or small dog for a meal.
How to Not Be a Jerk at Concerts
by Angela K Bunt
Since I was twelve years old, all I ever wanted to do was go see live music. I'd legitimately lay in
bed at night and worry that- without a license, money and friends that liked the same music as
me- I'd never be able to see any of the bands I loved, and would lead a miserable unfulfilled life.
Well, that didn't happen, and in the last 12 years I've gone to more concerts than I can even
remember. And since my move to New York City over a year ago, my average is at an all-time
high. With hundreds of shows under my 24-year-old belt, I've seen a lot of good and I've seen a
lot of bad. Read on to find out how you can avoid falling into the latter category...
Eat Your Vegetables - Or ELSE!
by Michael Hume
"Your pet carrot will live," the doctor said, "but it's going to be a vegetable for the rest of its
life." Maybe you've heard that old joke, and you've probably heard the old expression "You are
what you eat." Synthesize these two, and add the recent brainless activity of a guv'mint school
lunch inspector, and you see how serious our dear leaders are about eating vegetables....
Where to Get Custom Cardboard Cutouts
by Carolyn Whitley
Cardboard cutouts of celebrities, action figures and television and movie characters have been
available for about 25 years. Visit any party store and you'll find Captain Jack Sparrow or
Superman standing next to a display of party favors. Most of these cutouts have been sitting
around the store for quite some time and they're all covered with dust, because the trendiest
parties these days are featuring custom cardboard cutouts.

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