200901_bystander_to_upstander by huanghengdong


									 Going from Bystander to
“Upstander”: Helping Your
Child to Deal with Issues of
 Bullying and Harassment

   South Brunswick Parent Academy
          January 26, 2009
              7-8:30 pm
     Crossroads North Cafeteria A

• How to recognize bullying.
• Identify strategies to empower your child
to handle bullying and cyber bullying.
• Share how South Brunswick Schools
address the issues of bullying.
• Apply strategies to handle bullying.
Clip art licensed from the Clip Art Gallery on DiscoverySchool.com
        What is Bullying?

• Bullying happens…

        whenever someone uses
             his or her power
         unfairly and repeatedly
            to hurt someone.
                What is Cyber Bullying

• Cyber bullying is when a child, preteen or teen is
  tormented, threatened, harassed, humiliated,
  embarrassed or other wise targeted by another child,
  preteen or teen using the internet, interactive and digital
  technologies or mobile phones.

• Cyber bullying by proxy: using others to help cyber bully
  the victim, either with or without the accomplice’s

•   http//www.stopcyberbullying.org
What are the types of bullying?

•   Physical
•   Social
•   Verbal
•   Electronic
   Where Does Cyber Bullying Occur?

• E-mail, cell phones, text messaging devices,
  interactive games, instant messages, password
  and ID theft or cyber-bashing websites, blogs,
  social networking sites, chat rooms…
   It is EVERYWHERE…..
He said he’s afraid to go home because that’s where the computer

• Victims can be harassed anywhere anytime!
Who are the players in bullying?

• The bully
• The victim/target
• The bystander
• The upstander
          Why bullies bully?

• Provides a feeling of excitement from the
  reaction of the targeted victim.
• Thrive on feelings of dominance and
• Possess low levels of empathy and
• Have an inflated sense of self-worth.
    Why electronic bullying?

• Quick and easy!
• It is impersonal.     Loser!

• Bully does not see
  the reaction of the
• Bully can remain
     If You Think Your Child May Be a

•   Set limits and enforce consistent
•   Encourage your child to take
    responsibility for his or her action.
•   Spend time together.
•   Model and practice respect and
     If You Think Your Child May Be a

•   Keep an eye on your child’s
    media use.
•   Encourage your child to get
•   Utilize available counseling
         The Targeted Student

• Have been teased by other students and
  had an extreme reaction.
• Be overly sensitive and show it.
• Depend on adults for emotional support
  more than most their age.
• Rarely report incidents of bullying.
• Not believe adults can help.
 Keep in mind…

Sometimes the victim is bullied

 for no apparent reason.
    If You Think Your Child May Be a
        Target/Victim of Bullying…

•   Focus on your child.
•   Keep a log of the events with the help of your child.
•   Discourage retaliation.
•   Contact the school administration/counseling services.
•   Discuss appropriate emotional reactions and self control.
•   Encourage your child to get involved.
•   Reinforce strategies taught in school.
       What Parents Can Do
               Electronic Bullying

• Remind: Keep passwords a secret from
  everyone (except you).
• Trust your child and do not “blame the victim.”
• Keep a record of electronic bullying incidents.
• If the electronic bullying involves threats and
  harassment or frequent cyber-attacks, call the
  police to ensure your child’s safety
  What Parents Can Do

Remember that cyber bullying
 incidents sometimes end violently.
Stop cyber bullying as soon as
            The Bystander

A person who is present but not involved.
• Make up approximately 85% of a school
  population ~ “the silent majority”.
• Most ignored and underused resources in
  the schools.
• Become desensitized over time (diminished
            The Upstander

 A person who is not engaged in the wrongful
   act, but steps in to ensure the right action
 occurs. A person who assists the victim with
their emotions, feelings and possible actions to
              address the bullying.
         Upstanders can make a difference!
         They can break the cycle of bullying.
• How can you support your child to be an
How to help your child become
       an Upstander…

• Encourage empathy.
• Talk to your child about what to do if
  they see bullying.
• Role play scenarios with your child
  using these strategies.
• Normalize fears and worries.
How to help your child become
       an Upstander…

• Emphasize strength in numbers.
• Communicate the expectation to take
• Teach skills and strategies to take a
• Notice and acknowledge caring
Parents, Teachers, Counselors and Administrators
                                              Character Education Approach

                                                   Student Handbook
Bullying and Harassment Policy
“I’ve learned that people will forget
what you said, people will forget
what you did, but people will never
forget how you made them feel.”
                     ~ Maya Angelou
                      Contact Information

• Amy Bertelsen-Robles, Indian • Deborah Robey,
  Fields                       Crossroads North
   Amy.Bertelsen-Robles@sbschools.org      Deborah.Robey@sbschools.org
• Judy McCormick, Cambridge             • Ann Jahr, Staff Developer
   Judy.McCormick@sbschools.org         for Technology
• Victoria Moses, Crossroads
   Victoria.Moses@sbschools.org         • Nicole Pormilli, District
                                        Project Specialist

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