The Four Conversations

More Praise for The Four Conversations “This work by Jeffrey and Laurie Ford is compelling. While there is much literature on the content of effective management—the concepts, models, vocabulary, and acronyms—there is almost nothing on the conversational competence essential to being an effective manager, leader, or executive. Recognizing and being adept with these four conversations is crucial for anyone who aspires to effective management.” —Brian Stuhlmuller, Partner, Distinctions, Inc., and former CEO, Mission Control Productivity, Inc., and MediMedia Information Technologies “I’ve got nothing but praise for this book. Literally, from beginning to end, I was impressed with the concrete, real-life scenarios the authors used to demonstrate their points. This is good, solid material, presented in a way that clearly communicates the value of using four types of conversations consciously and deliberately. As a manager myself, I’ve got an initiative conversation in mind for my next weekly staff meeting.” —Chris Lee, Editor, Midwest Home magazine, and former Editor-in-Chief, Training magazine “The Four Conversations offers insight and clarity about the way we speak to one another. Its perceptive observations and real-life examples are valuable in enhancing daily communication with friends and family and indispensable to anyone attempting transformative change.” —Cheryl Roberto, Commissioner, Public Utilities Commission of Ohio “This book captures the critical elements of meaningful workplace conversation in a way that will help managers communicate more effectively. The Four Conversations is filled with examples that will improve both performance and engagement.” —Cindy Ventrice, author of Make Their Day! Employee Recognition That Works This page intentionally left blank The Four Conversations This page intentionally left blank The Four Conversations Daily Communication That Gets Results Jeffrey Ford and Laurie Ford The Four Conversations Copyright © 2009 by Jeffrey Ford and Laurie Ford All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, write to the publisher, addressed “Attention: Permissions Coordinator,” at the address below. Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc. 235 Montgomery Street, Suite 650 San Francisco, California 94104-2916 Tel: (415) 288-0260, Fax: (415) 362-2512 www.bkconnection.com Ordering information for print editions Quantity sales. Special discounts are available on quantity purchases by corporations, associations, and others. For details, contact the “Special Sales Department” at the Berrett-Koehler address above. Individual sales. Berrett-Koehler publications are available through most bookstores. They can also be ordered directly from Berrett-Koehler: Tel: (800) 929-2929; Fax: (802) 864-7626; www.bkconnection.com Orders for college textbook/course adoption use. Please contact BerrettKoehler: Tel: (800) 929-2929; Fax: (802) 864-7626. Orders by U.S. trade bookstores and wholesalers. Please contact Ingram Publisher Services, Tel: (800) 509-4887; Fax: (800) 838-1149; E-mail: customer.service@ingrampublisherservices.com; or visit www.ingram publisherservices.com/Ordering for details about electronic ordering. Berrett-Koehler and the BK logo are registered trademarks of Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc. First Edition Paperback print edition ISBN 978-1-57675-920-2 PDF e-book ISBN 978-1-57675-921-9 2009-1 Interior production by Publication Services. Cover design by Richard Adelson. To our students and clients, from whom we have learned so much. This page intentionally left blank Contents Preface Chapter One: Four Conversations in a Successful Workplace The Importance of Conversations Some Conversations Slow Things Down, Others Speed Things Up Six Limitations to a Successful Workplace Conversations: Your Personal Advantage Key Points xi 1 3 6 22 29 29 Chapter Two: Initiative Conversations: Create a Future Leaders Have Initiative Conversations Choose Your Initiative Statement: What-When-Why Prepare for Your Initiative Conversation: Who-Where-How Launch Your Initiative Conversation If You Are Missing Initiative Conversations Putting It into Practice 31 32 40 46 49 53 56 Chapter Three: Understanding Conversations: Include and Engage Help People Find a Positive Meaning in Your Message Expand and Deepen Participation 59 60 68 viii Contents The Limits of Understanding If You Are Missing Understanding Conversations Putting It into Practice 82 90 94 Chapter Four: Performance Conversations: Ask and Promise Commit to Performance: What-When-Why Ask Others to Commit Promises Create Agreements: Who-Where-How Manage the Agreement If You Are Missing Performance Conversations Putting It into Practice 97 99 105 112 120 123 127 Chapter Five: Closure Conversations: Create Endings An Incomplete Past Can Prevent a New Future The Four A’s of Closure Conversations Build Accountability and Resolve “People Problems” If You Are Missing Closure Conversations Putting It into Practice 131 132 134 150 160 163 167 167 169 197 Chapter Six: Using the Four Conversations Conversational Tendencies How the Four Conversations Work Together Putting It into Practice Chapter Seven: Support the Conversational Workplace The Conversational Workplace Practices to Support the Conversational Workplace 201 201 203 Contents ix Implementing the Practices: Four Tips A Closing Note 211 215 217 219 223 225 237 Resources Notes Acknowledgments Index About the Authors This page intentionally left blank Preface As a management professor and management consultan