You're Addicted to You

Praise for You’re Addicted to You “Through examples that will have you nodding your head as you recognize yourself, You’re Addicted to You shines a light on common self-addictions and helps you identify your own. Blumenthal’s realistic, systems approach for tackling personal and professional change can help you get started on a new quest or sustain changes already underway.” —Tammy J. Winnie, Director, Global Organization Effectiveness, Kellogg Company “My life’s work has been helping people overcome self-reinforcing and self-defeating behaviors. Noah Blumenthal understands how to do this and after reading this book you will too.” —James O. Prochaska, PhD, author of Changing for Good “In this engaging and informed guide to enhancing self-awareness and personal growth, Noah Blumenthal helps us to find effective pathways to change. You will recognize many people in his examples, most importantly, yourself. And you’ll start to apply what you learn before day’s end. Blumenthal will get you going. Beyond that, as he makes clear, anything is possible . . . it’s up to you.” — Joseph G. Cunningham, PhD, Professor of Psychology, Brandeis University “With all the attention our culture invests in advice for every kind of personal change—from weight loss to leadership style—it’s striking how little genuine wisdom we have for how to change once we’ve identified what to change. In You’re Addicted to You, Noah Blumenthal offers concrete, effective strategies for finding traction to change where change has eluded you before.” — Keith Allred, Faculty Member, Kennedy School of Government, Harvard University and Founder, TheCommonInterest.org “Noah Blumenthal has created a simple, yet powerful means for effecting personal change. In an era where everything is supposed to be quicker and more automated, it is refreshing to find an approach that both honors the struggle we all face and acknowledges the time needed to make real, lasting changes to our behavior.” — Ethan Schutz, President, Business Consultants Network “Noah Blumenthal has crafted a book for self-improvement that seems to have been personally written for each of its readers. It is an excellent guide toward the achievement of a happy life and the rediscovery of the divinity that resides in all of us. I am excited for the life-affirming opportunities that this approach can bring to my work and to my home.” — Rabbi Mark Covitz, Congregation Beth Yam, Hilton Head Island, South Carolina “Anyone who has tried to change knows how difficult it can be. Noah Blumenthal provides not only a voice of encouragement and optimism, but provides concrete tools we can use immediately to transform the lead of present circumstances into future gold.” — Karlin Sloan, CEO, Karlin Sloan & Company “You’re Addicted to You addresses a problem familiar to the diverse worlds of health psychology, organizational change, and individual counseling: how does one facilitate real behavior change, change which endures for more than a very brief time? Noah presents the possibility of change using straightforward language, helpful examples, assessment tools, and homework.” — Kathleen M. Schiaffino, PhD, Associate Professor of Psychology, Fordham University You’re Addicted to YOU This page intentionally left blank You’re Addi t d TO YOU Why It’s So Hard to Change—and What You Can Do About It Noah Blumenthal BK BERRETT -KOEHLER PUBLISHERS, INC. San Francisco a BK Life book You’re Addicted to You Copyright © 2007 by Noah Blumenthal All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, write to the publisher, addressed “Attention: Permissions Coordinator,” at the address below. Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc. 235 Montgomery Street, Suite 650 San Francisco, California 94104-2916 Tel: (415) 288-0260, Fax: (415) 362-2512 www.bkconnection.com BK Ordering information for print editions Quantity sales. Special discounts are available on quantity purchases by corporations, associations, and others. For details, contact the “Special Sales Department” at the Berrett-Koehler address above. Individual sales. Berrett-Koehler publications are available through most bookstores. They can also be ordered directly from Berrett-Koehler: Tel: (800) 929-2929; Fax: (802) 864-7626; www.bkconnection.com Orders for college textbook/course adoption use. Please contact Berrett-Koehler: Tel: (800) 929-2929; Fax: (802) 864-7626. Orders by U.S. trade bookstores and wholesalers. Please contact Ingram Publisher Services, Tel: (800) 509-4887; Fax: (800) 838-1149; E-mail: customer .service@ingrampublisherservices.com; or visit www.ingrampublisherservices.com/ Ordering for details about electronic ordering. Berrett-Koehler and the BK logo are registered trademarks of Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc. Cataloging-in-Publication Data are available from the Library of Congress. First Edition Paperback print edition ISBN 978-1-57675-427-6 PDF e-book ISBN 978-1-57675-525-9 2007-1 Text design by Detta Penna. To my wife Beatrice, who has supported me and believed in me and helped me find my laughter. This page intentionally left blank Contents Preface ix Acknowledgments xv 1 Introduction: Understanding Self-Addiction Part I: Raising Awareness 19 Step 1: Identify Your Self-Addictions 21 Step 2: Realize the Consequences 35 45 Step 3: Make Powerful Commitments Part II: Building Support Step 4: Find Help 65 Step 5: Invite Support 81 Step 6: Maintain Effective Support Part III: Taking Action Step 7: Prepare Yourself 105 119 Step 8: Act in the Moment 133 Step 9: Assess Your Progress Conclusion: Moving Onward 63 91 103 145 Recommended Reading 153 155 Resources for Traditional Addictions Index 157 164 About the Author This page intentionally left blank Preface I wrote this book because too many people believe that change is a matter of willpower. They believe