Who is the Ren Fairest of Them All? Laura, Angela, Amanda or Paul? July 2008 - Page 1 date .........................................tIme Break a Leg! Come on Sat, Aug. 16 ................................Noon-10p Sun, Aug. 17 ...............................Noon-10p out and Fri, Aug. 29 ........................................5-10p Sat, Aug. 30 ................................Noon-10p Congratulations to Help! Sun, Aug. 31 ...............................Noon-10p the cast and crew Sat, Sept. 6 .................................Noon-10p of Meanwhile Back If you can help, please contact Angela at Sun, Sept. 7 ................................Noon-10p on the Couch. (708) 408-5338 or email her at Sat, Sept. 13 ...............................Noon-10p Rehearsals are firstname.lastname@example.org. You can also Sun, Sept. 14 ..............................Noon-10p already underway. email Anne Kowalczyk at Start times subject to change, so AnneKowalczyk@gmail.com please confirm with Anne or Angela! The CasT Audra Anderson ............. Gabrielle Wingate Program ads We need to make a new slip cover for the “George Couch.” If you have some sewing Mike Aguayo ........................ Victor Karleen Paul Braun ............................. Roy Terrigan WE NEEd YoUr HELP! skills, we sure could use you! Amanda Cuzzo ...........Charlotte Hennebon In order to cover the cost of the royalty Rose Doorneweerd............ Jingle Jabonski fees, we need to sell advertising space in Doctor, Doctor, Vera Friloux .................. Penelope Donnley the program for Meanwhile Back at the Couch. Our goal is $950, which would Gimme The News! Mike Novakovich .................... Albert Brock cover both royalties and the printing of the Amidst family and amongst much pomp and Betty Owens ...................Dorothea Melnick programs. circumstance, Anne Sullivan participated The Crew Full Page: $75 in Northwestern University’s PhD Hooding approximately 5 inches x 8 inches Ceremony. Congratualtions to Anne! See page two for more info and ad samples. Lydia Bellamy-Palma ....Costume Designer Your full page ad bonus: Rose Doorneweerd.........Property Mistress 4 free tickets! Jeremy Drechny .............Lighting Designer Anne Kowalczyk ....................Set Designer Angela Martin .................... Stage Manager Tanissa Parks .............. We Hope Anything! AD DEADLINE: Friday, September 5, 2008 Tianna Ruelas ............................... Director Efrem Tutwiler.............. We Hope Anything! Half Page: $50 approximately 5 in. x 4 in. This year, the show is in September, rather Your half page ad bonus: than November, so it’s coming up quick. 2 free tickets! We’ll need all the help we can get to put up this show and sell lots of tickets. To accomodate all of Anne’s family, Bobbie Quarter Page: $25 approximately 5 in. x 2 in. rented a van and “Ralph Kramdened” her way If you can help give Angela the stage Your quarter page ad bonus: around town as their official tour guide duing manager a call at (708) 408-5338 or email 1 free ticket! the visit. Rat Rag editors hear videotape of her at email@example.com. these bus trips might be available. • In Vermont, women must obtain written permission from their To clean oil and grease stains on concrete driveways, spray one or two applications of Easy-Off Oven Cleaner, let sit for a few min- Ponderisms: When the guy who made the first drawing board got utes, then rinse with the highest pressure from husbands to wear false teeth. the nozzle of a garden hose. it wrong, what did he go back to? – Program ads – SIXTEEN THINGS THAT IT TOOK THEATRE CLASSES FOR INFo & HoW To ME OVER 40 YEARS TO LEARN THIS FALL! Sign Up Today! by Dave Barry, submitted by Roger Moffat Help support our theatre program by taking GENERAL ED. CLASSES: 151, 152, 158 1. Never, under any circumstances, take • THEATRE APPRECIATION out or selling an ad or two! On page 5 of a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same DRM 151 ........ MW .......11 AM - 12:15 PM the Rat Rag, you’ll find an advertising con- night. Learn about the parts of theatre that mix to tract to return with your ad(s). If you are 2. If you had to identify, in one word, create one magical experience. See a live receiving the Rat Rag via US Mail, you’ll the reason why the human race has not show in Chicago. also find a postage free envelope to return achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings’. • PLAYS AND PLAYWRIGHTS your ad and check or money order. DRM 152 ........ MW .................1 - 2:15 PM 3. There is a very fine line be- Learn about the secrets of great plays and Do NOT send cash through the mail!! The tween ‘hobby’ and ‘mental llness’. why they came to be treasured. Discuss cost of ads are noted in the graphic on sex, politics, religion and money. 4. People who want to share their page one and in the contract. religious views with you almost July 2008 - Page 2 • DRAMA INTO FILM Make checks and money orders payable never want you to share yours with them. HFA 158 ............ T ............11 AM - 1:45 PM to: SSC: Performing Arts Center. We do 5. You should not confuse your career with Learn about the censorship code that your life. changed our perception of the past 75 not accept credit or debit cards. years of “real” life. This class is for mature 6. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. students. Buying advertising space is a real bargain. Just get up and dance. Each ad comes with its own special sur- — ELECTIVES: 157 AND 199 — 7. Never lick a steak knife. • ACTING I prise. If, for example, you purchase a full 8. The most destructive DRM 157 .......... R .................11 - 1:45 PM page ad, you’ll receive 4 complimentary Learn the tools that can make you a (that’s FREE!) tickets to any performance force in the universe is gossip. unique performing artist. Walk away with of Meanwhile Back on the Couch. Wow! 9. You will never find anybody who can an astounding toolbox. You can’t beat that with a stick! give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time. • INDEPENDENT STUDY If your ad is for a business, “camera DRM 199 ............................................. TBA 10. You should never say anything to a Learn as a working artist, one on one. See ready” artwork would be appreciated. The woman that even remotely suggests that Bobbie Saltzman for details. programs will be printed in glorious black you think she’s pregnant unless you can and white. Shades of gray, fancy colours see an actual baby emerging from her at Admissions/Registration is open Mondays and photographs don’t always reproduce that moment. through Thursdays 8:00 a.m.-7:00 p.m. 11. There comes a time when you and Fridays 8:00 a.m.-4:00 p.m. nicely, so keep your artwork simple. should stop expecting other people If you wish, you can email artwork and to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven. You know It’s Time for text directly to firstname.lastname@example.org (Ellie), who will be setting all the ads for 12. The one thing that unites all human a New Car When… the program. TIFFs or JPGs work best. beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, • Jimmy Hoffa thanks The higher the resolution, the better. If you economic status or ethnic background, is you for finally prying that, deep down inside, we ALL believe open the trunk. have any questions, ask Ellie! If you don’t that we are above average drivers. have any artwork, and just want the space • Your odometer switches to wish your favourite company member 13. A person, who is nice to you, to scientific notation. but rude to the waiter, is not a well, Ellie will be happy to make your ad nice person. This is very impor- • Your mechanic names his new, 65-foot look purty. tant. Pay attention. It never fails. yacht after you. OUR AD SALES GOAL: 14. Your friends love you anyway. • The homeless ask you to please not park 2 Full Page Ads 15. Never be afraid to try in front of their boxes. 6 Half Page Ads something new. Remember • Your air bags need to be inflated 20 Quarter Page Ads that a lone amateur built manually. the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic. • The Amish mock you when you drive by. Don’t have a business and stuck for an idea for your ad? Here’s a sample of what FINAL Thought for the Day: • You change the duct tape every 3,000 you can have in your ad. Send your ad in miles. 16. Men are like a fine wine. today! They start out as grapes, and • Your mechanic is storing part of his CD it’s up to women to stomp the collection in your glove box. crap out of them until they turn into some- • Hitting potholes is the only way to make To the Cast and Crew of thing acceptable to have dinner with. the headlights come on. MEANWHILE BACK ON THE COUCH Much Love and Whirled Peas from Angelina, Brad, Gratuitous Space Filler #8837964 • Panhandlers at red lights slip dollar bills Leon, Maddox, Pax, Shiloh, Vivienne and Zahara Oh, yes. We keep track. in your window. 10 Foods Talented local artist Pamela Biesen has You Should a passion for vintage buttons. Using this talent, she takes discarded buttons July is National and fashions them into beautiful Never Eat Baked Bean Month bracelets that are wearable works of 3rd is Compliment Your Mirror Day art. Each bracelet she makes is a one of a kind treasure. 8th is Video Games Day 14th is National Nude Day Below are just a few samples of her 1. Pepperidge Farms Roasted colourful and fun work. 19th is Flitch Day Chicken Pot Pie: Bizarre Bonus: An old custom from yester- 510 Calories and 9 grams of fat and that’s year developed into the holiday of Flitch for half of the pot pie. Who eats just half Day. Bacon was given to any married July 2008 - Page 3 of a pot pie? couple who could prove they had lived in harmony and fidelity for one year. Very 2. McDonald’s Chicken Selects: few “Took Home The Bacon”. A standard 5-strip order has 630 calories and 11 artery clogging grams of fat. 3. The Cheesecake Factory’s 6 Carb Cheesecake: Each slice has 610 calories and 29 grams of fat. You could have had an 8-oz prime Pam will be offering her bracelets rib with less fat and calories. for sale at the annual Frankfort Fall 4. Dove Ice Cream: Festival, which will take place on Dove squeezes 300 calories and 13 grams August 31, September 1 and 2. Look of fat into a half cup sized serving of its for her under the ButtonTown USA ice cream. banner. You’re In The 5. Mrs. Fields Milk Chocolate & Walnut Cookie: The Frankfort Historic Business District, located in the four-block area ArmY now! 1 cookie has more than 300 calories, as much saturated fat as a 12-oz sirloin steak surrounding Kansas Street, provides the backdrop for the festival’s major Good Luck to Martell attraction, 300 participating artisans. Jefferson, who will be and 6, yes 6 teaspoons of sugar. Remem- ber I said that is 1 cookie. In addition, you will not want to miss going into the re- the other special events throughout serves in August. 6. Starbuck’s 20-oz Venti Caffé the weekend including a community Martell was last seen Mocha: parade on Sunday, carnival, live on stage in Oklaho- With 490 calories and 16 grams of fat, you entertainment and food court provided ma! and was originally cast in Mean- can think of this as a Quarter Pounder by area civic organizations. while Back on the Couch. Because his with Cheese in a cup! For more information about ship date moved up, Martell had to ButtonTown USA or to inquire about 7. Burger King Quad Stacker: drop from the show. purchasing Pam’s bracelets, email: 1,000 calories, 30 grams of fat and 1,800 We’ll miss you Martell, and PLEASE! mg sodium. Are you suicidal? email@example.com. Take good care of yourself while you’re taking good care of US. 8. Campbell’s Chunky, Select and Red and White Label Condensed The First Law of Theatre: Everything Soups: will take longer than it really should. These soups are brimming with salt. Half a can averages MORE than half of a per- IN HONOUR OF STUPID PEOPLE… son’s daily quota of salt. This happened in Birmingham AL. I was 9. Chipotles Chicken Burrito: at the airport, checking in at the gate when 1,180 calories and 19 grams of fat. You an airport employee asked, “Has anyone should be able to SEE that many calories! put anything into your baggage without your knowledge?” To which I replied. “If 10.Häagen-Dazs Mint Chip Dazzler: it was without my knowledge, how would Is the winner with 1,270 calories and 38 I know?” He smiled knowingly and nod- grams of fat. That’s two days worth. Now ded, “That’s why we ask.” that’s just crazy! What is it about my friendship with by soccer moms, DON’T LOOK THEM IN Ellie that causes the natural order THE EYE!” Then she said, “I wonder how Family of things to run amok? many Trevor’s and Alexis’s are there?” so I told her to hold on and I hollered “TREV- Dinners by Ro OR” really loud to see how many would My Day at look!!! None did. Teenagers who ate dinner with their families at least 5 times a week, learned the Devivo Finally E calls me back and we figure out that I am in the right place but the wrong better nutrition habits and were less likely to smoke, drink or use drugs than teens FaMily Picnic parking lot so while this woman was telling someone else where to set up, I grabbed who ate dinner with their families 2 times my gear and took off. Thank God I didn’t a week or less. give them my keys so they could unload my I agreed to face paint at Ellie’s family pic- car!!! Do Unto nic. I am sure that it will come as no sur- prise to anyone who knows Ellie that, what others… July 2008 - Page 4 with her eye for detail (anal retentiveness), the map she gave me to help me find Main If you take precautions like washing your Park in Frankfort, looked much like the 8 hands frequently and covering your mouth x 10 color glossies that the police took of when you sneeze or cough, is it OK to go the garbage pile in Alice’s Restaurant with to work when you are sick? the circles and arrows. The only difference being Ellie included a satellite aerial view NO, says Bruce Epstein, PhD, nationally of the park. known as “The Ethics guy”. Epstein, who is a regular on CNN, says you owe it to I arrive at the park and it turns out that your co-workers not to make them sick. there was another HUGE event going on at You also owe it to yourself to rest and get the park. A fundraiser for a child stricken better as quickly as possible. with cancer. There were hundreds of people there and these people assumed that I was Good Old there to face paint for them, so they helped me carry the gear up to the picnic area and Fashioned are trying to get me to give them my car keys so they could go and get my canopy stress and table and chairs to help me set up. I How you spend your time alone has a was looking around trying to find Ellie or a big effect on the way your body handles face I recognized. I told this woman trying stress. Reading, writing, singing, listen- to get me to set up that I was a friend of ing to music, meditating, and physical Ellie’s and she said, “Oh good, good,” and activities are all positive ways to cope continues to try to get me to set up. Tell- with stress. Smoking, eating or drinking to ing me that a good spot would be by the much, using mind or mood altering drugs, bouncy house. criticizing yourself and others and driving aggressively are examples of unhealthy I told this woman that Ellie told me that ways to cope. there were about 30 kids and this woman says, “Oh no, there are about 150 to 200.” So I called Ellie. The phone picks up and a voice yells, “What! What do you want? What?” Ellie being Ellie, I assumed it was her and I BeLIeVe… asked her where the Hell she was… Then I My best friend and I can do anything hear Ellie in the background shouting, “Ma, or nothing and have the best time. it’s Rochelle and she thinks you’re me!!! Tell her I am almost there!!!” *sigh* PAC Rat Meeting I sat down at an picnic bench to wait, soon Summer Schedule! a family of five ask if they can share my The next PAC Rat meeting will be table, I say sure and sat listening to mom Thursday, August 7th @ 7:00pm in the telling little Christy that if she didn’t stop PAC Lobby. (Location subject to change) picking her nose it will bleed again and the tooth fairy wouldn’t come. REMEMBER TO CONTACT US Wendy and the girls were coming to help with any article, photo, want ad or idea at: so I called her, explained the situation and told her not to get out of her car until I fig- * RatRagStaff@yahoo.com * ured this out. Since we were in Frankfort, I monitor this email and will respond to all. – Ro Wendy says, “Mom, you are surrounded a d v e r t i s i n g ContraCt I/We ______________________________________________________________________________________ (please print name of individual or company) agree to purchase space in your program for the 3 Stages of SSC production of Meanwhile Back on the Couch at South Suburban College. I understand that any ad that I/we buy is to be paid for in full at this time and must reach the college by the dates specified below. Make checks payable to ssC-kindig Performing arts Center. Please find enclosed a check for the amount of: $ oFFiCe use onlY Signed: Sale made by: Print Name if signing for a business: Check ❍# Phone Number: Date: Cash ❍$ Artwork: ❍ yes ❍ no † Please call in advance to reserve your seat(s) - performance dates on reverse. Tickets: ❍ yes ❍ no ❍ maybe Photographs on business cards will not reproduce well. Full Page ad (7-1/2˝ x 4-1/2˝) halF Page ad (4-1/2˝ x 3-3/4˝) With the purchase of this ad you will receive four complimentary Your ad won’t be missed. You will receive two complimentary tickets to the performance of your choice.† A nice reward for tickets with the purchase of this ad for the performance of your your generous support or a great bonus for a hard-working choice.† employee. ❏ Full Page ..................................................................... $75.00 ❏ Half Page .................................................................... $50. 00 quarter Page ad “Break-a-leg-a-gram™” An inexpensive way to advertise your business or services. You Wish the cast and crew good luck in fifteen words or less. A fun will receive one complimentary ticket with the purchase of this way to support the arts or your favorite company member. ad for the performance of your choice.† (Wide: 4-1/2˝ x 1-7/8˝ or Tall: 2-1/4˝ x 3-3/4˝) ❏ Gram ............................................................................. $3.00 Print your Break-A-Leg-A-Gram™ message in the space provided. ❏ Quarter Page ............................................................... $25. 00 PLEAS E PRI NT Additional Break-A-Leg-A-Grams forms are on the reverse. “Break-A-Leg-A-Gram™” is a registered trademark of FWOB, ltd Publications ad deadline Kindig Performing Arts Center All ads and payment(s) are due by South Suburban College Friday, September 5, 2008 15800 State Street South Holland, Illinois 60473 Break-A-Leg-A-Grams and payment(s) are due by Monday, September 8, 2008 Questions? Call Ellie at 708-210-5741 and leave TICKETS — 24/7 Voice Mail — 708-210-5741 a message or email at firstname.lastname@example.org eMail: email@example.com 3 Stages of SSC and the PAC Rats Theatre Company present Meanwhile Back on the Couch the zany comedy by Jack Sharkey, directed by Tianna Ruelas TS September 19, 20 & 26, 2008 at 8:00pm T ICKE s $6 Adult s September 27 at 2:00pm & 8:00pm r $4 Senio s 24/7 Voicemail: 708-210-5741 t &S tuden email: firstname.lastname@example.org ABOUT THE SHOW: Struggling psychiatrist Victor Karleen takes on a new patient to help with his growing financial problems. The patient, frustrated by love, dreams up a steamy, torrid novel and gives his first manu- script to Victor. Victor’s nurse hands the manuscript over to a publisher, believing it is Victor’s work. Suddenly Victor has an enormous advance royalty check, a Book of the Month Club selection and a potential Pulitzer prize. Things continue to spiral out of control as Victor is determined to keep his patient crazy until he’s dreamed up the final chapter. It’s fast paced, hilarious and zany. KINDIG PERFORMING ARTS CENTER • South Suburban College • 15800 State St. • South Holland, IL PaC rats – Break-a-leg-a-gram – Price $3.00 each Your Name: ____________________________________ Message For: __________________________________ Message: ____________________________________________________________________________________ PLEAS ____________________________________________________________________________________________ E PRI N T ____________________________________________________________________________________________ Wish someone to Break-A-Leg or send him or her a happy message in 15 words or less. Your message along with your name will be printed in the show program. All proceeds are used to fund future performances. Thank you in advance for your BREAK-A-LEG-A-GRAM purchase. PaC rats – Break-a-leg-a-gram – Price $3.00 each Your Name: ____________________________________ Message For: __________________________________ Message: ____________________________________________________________________________________ PLEAS ____________________________________________________________________________________________ E PRI N T ____________________________________________________________________________________________ Wish someone to Break-A-Leg or send him or her a happy message in 15 words or less. Your message along with your name will be printed in the show program. All proceeds are used to fund future performances. Thank you in advance for your BREAK-A-LEG-A-GRAM purchase.
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