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					APIII 5TH6WKS WK1
Getting commended (PPT courtesy of Ms. Stoebe)
 WED 2/22; THUR 2/23
Obj: Essay Writing
HW: complete TAKS essay (due Fri)
Warm-up:
 Retrieve journal and a couple of
  sheets of notebook paper
SCORE
  A
FOUR!
 INCREASING COMMENDED
PERFORMANCE THROUGH THE
       TAKS ESSAY
To discover why a commended
score on TAKS is important.

To understand and practice the
skills needed to achieve a “4” on
the TAKS essay, thereby
increasing the chance of being
commended.

To compare and contrast TAKS
writing with AP writing.

To progress through the steps to
writing a score point 4 essay on
the TAKS test.
WHAT DOES COMMENDED MEAN?
   2400 on multiple choice and OER together

   Score of 3 or 4 on essay

   Commended means that you have completely
    mastered the reading and writing skills that you will
    need in college.

   Students who are commended on TAKS tend to not
    only maintain a passing average in college classes,
    but to achieve and maintain higher grade averages
    (above a C average) in college.
WHY IS COMMENDED IMPORTANT?
Excerpt from Texas Higher Education College
 Board:
WHY IS COMMENDED IMPORTANT?
 •   If you are commended on TAKS, most colleges
     and universities will not require you to take
     costly placement exams (THEA, COMPASS,
     ASSET) to ensure that you have college ready
     skills.

 •   Many students who are not commended are
     required to take placement exams. If they do
     not pass, they are placed in remedial college
     courses in order to learn the skills needed to
     take college credit earning classes.
 TAKS SCORING
    The ELA (10th-11th grade) raw score is calculated as
     shown in this chart.
                        Item value No. of items Points per
     section
    Multiple Choice          1     48             48
    Open Ended               3     3              9
    Written Composition 16         1              16
    TOTAL = 73

What single item is worth the most?

These scores are then translated to a scale score.

The score you want to earn is commended 2400 – this means
you have not only passed with the minimum skills, you have
MASTERED the skills and are completely college ready!
         TAKS WRITING VS. AP WRITING

                 TAKS                                           AP
   Expressive prompt – an experience          Analytical and/or persuasive
    and belief                                  prompt
   Essays must have:                          Essays must have:
      Strong voice (the writer uses his         Compelling thesis
        or her unique experience of the          Logical argument and organization
        world as a basis of the writing)         Rich and substantive evidence and
      Sense of wholeness and                     support
        completeness                             Stylistic maturity
      Ideas are presented in a manner           Well chosen words convey the
        that the reader is able to                intended message in an interesting
        understand and appreciate how             and precise manner
        the ideas are all related                Control of conventions is
      The word choice enhances the               sophisticated and reveals the
        overall meaning                           writer’s ability to control a wide
                                                  range of elements of effective
      Overall strength of conventions            writing
        contributes to the essay                 TIMED – 40 MINUTES FOR EACH
      An experience and a belief (lesson         ESSAY
        learned)                               9 point scale
      UNTIMED – TAKE YOUR TIME
        WRITING!
   4 point scale
THE TAKS ESSAY
The TAKS essay measures the craft of writing as it relates to the
  question at hand. Audience, Purpose and Voice are extremely
  important.

Most TAKS essays ask you to respond to a prompt with an expressive
 purpose essay.

Expression is one of the four reasons authors write

PERSUADE (try to change behavior or thinking)
INFORM (to relate information)
EXPRESS (to reveal the heart and identity of the writer)
ENTERTAIN (fiction, poetry, stories, songs)

REMEMBER THIS ACRONYM: P.I.E.E.

PIE – E.
THE TAKS ESSAY
 Purpose  – Express your uniqueness as a
  human being and your unique experience
  of the world based on the given prompt
 Audience – the TAKS graders (primarily
  English teachers)
 Voice – Strong individual voice – it should
  sound like you, not like a formulaic essay
  written for the TAKS test.
EXPRESSIVE WRITING

HAS TWO MAIN PARTS




ON ONE HAND - THE EXPERIENCE

ON THE OTHER HAND - THE BELIEF (WHAT
 YOU LEARNED FROM THE EXPERIENCE)
EXAMPLE FROM A TAKS TEST
      an essay explaining the importance of
 Write
 accepting others as they are.
                (2004) TAKS PROMPT

 Devolved  Essay – we have taken a “4”
 essay and stripped it down into a “1” and a
 “2”. (from Gretchen Bernabei)
EXPERIENCE PRIMARY – SCORE POINT 1
The third graders at recess were teasing me. The whistle
blew and recess was over. I cried while the rest of the class
lined up for class.
  The summer before third grade I had just moved to San
Antonio. I was tall and fat. I had also gotten my braces put
on and I needed glasses.
    My mother told me it would be fine, and I would soon like
my new school. As the year went on, things never seemed to
get better.
   That summer, my dad told me about how the same thing
happened to him when he was young. We went on a diet
together and I lost thirty pounds. I got to transfer schools
and things did start to change for the better.
    My teeth are straight and I have contacts instead of
glasses. I’m a lot taller now, but now people are saying it’s a
good thing.
BELIEF PRIMARY – SCORE POINT 2
What makes people judge others? I have yet to figure it out. But I do
know that no matter how young or innocent children may be, they still
can hate. I believe that people hate others for all kinds of reasons. They may hate
them for looking different, having different clothes or different color of skin. But
whatever the reason, I think it is wrong to hate and judge other people.
When I was younger, I thought I looked like a freak, but my mother told me it
would be fine. At school, the name calling and bullying was just a game for
kids, but for me it was a nightmare. I felt that school was a snake pit and I
was judged because the way I looked.
The year slowly came to a close.
When the new year came I got to transfer schools and things did start to change
for the better.
As I got older, I kept my good eating and exercise habits My teeth are
straight and I have contacts instead of glasses. I’m a lot taller now, but now people
are saying it’s a good thing.
  When I hear the quote “sticks and stones may break my bones, but
words can never hurt me,” all I can do is laugh because that is not true.
To me, words hurt more than any rock you can throw.
      A SUCCESSFUL EXPRESSIVE ESSAY CONTAINS
      EXPERIENCES AND BELIEFS – SCORE POINT 4

 “Fatso.” “Four-eyes.” “Metal mouth.” “Giant.”
  Over and over with an intense sound like thunder growing louder were the
voices of a class of third graders at recess chanting around me. The whistle blew
and recess had finally come to an end. I fell to my knees in tears while the rest of
the class lined up for class.
   At the early age of nine I learned discrimination comes in different forms and
all levels. What makes people judge others? I have yet to figure it out. But I do
know that no matter how young or innocent children may be, they still have the
power to hate and cast it on others.
 The summer before third grade I had just moved to San Antonio from Oklahoma
City. I was tall and not very slim, in fact, I was obese. I had also gotten my braces
put on and at the same time the doctor had realized I needed glasses.
  “Mom, I look like a freak!” I whined as she took me to school for my first day. My
mother reassured me it would be fine, and I would soon like my new school. She
said that I just had the “new kid” jitters. As the year went on, things never
seemed to get better. My jitters had been replaced by a sad fear. To the kids the
name calling and constant bullying was just a game, but for me it was torture, a
living, breathing nightmare.
    A SUCCESSFUL EXPRESSIVE ESSAY CONTAINS
    EXPERIENCES AND BELIEFS – SCORE POINT 4
The year slowly came to a close.
   That summer, my dad told me about how the same thing happened
to him when he was young. We went on a diet together and I lost
thirty pounds. When the new year came I got to transfer schools and
things did start to change for the better.
   As I got older, I kept my good eating and exercise habits, and at the
age of thirteenI weighed less than I did at nine. My teeth are straight
and I have contacts instead of glasses. I’m a lot taller now, but
suddenly people are saying it’s a good thing and I should try to be a
model.
   When I hear the quote “sticks and stones may break my bones, but
words can never hurt me,” all I can do is laugh because that is not
true. Words are like a sharp sword that can pierce your heart in an
instant. To me, words hurt more than any rock you can throw. Just
because you can’t seen an injury, that doesn’t mean it isn’t there.

          THE BELIEF - THE LESSON LEARNED - IS HERE
LOOK AT YOUR LAST
BENCHMARK
 DO YOU HAVE A STORY?
  (EXPERIENCE?)
 DO YOU HAVE A
  BELIEF/LESSON LEARNED
  THAT CAME FROM THAT
  STORY? (BELIEF)
 DO YOU HAVE BOTH OR JUST
  ONE?
 TO SCORE HIGH – YOU MUST
  HAVE BOTH!
YOUR EXPERIENCES CREATE
      YOUR BELIEFS
      If you believe that family members are the most
      important, supportive people in your life, you
      probably have experienced a loving supportive
      family.

      If you believe that love does not last, you have
      probably experienced or witnessed a love that ended.

      FROM YOUR EXPERIENCE, YOU WERE
      TAUGHT A LESSON, WHICH LED TO YOUR
      BELIEF!
ON A SHEET OF PAPER. DRAW A T-CHART.
                  Beliefs   Experiences

I believe money …

I believe love…

I believe education…

I believe a good life…

I believe family…

I believe friendship…

I believe a hero is…
 PAST ESSAY PROMPTS

Write an essay about a time when you helped another person. (2009)

Write an essay describing a situation in which one person inspired others to
change. (2008)

Write an essay explaining how a person can feel connected to a special place.
(2006)

Write an essay about the effect that someone you admire can have on your life.
(2006)

Write an essay explaining the value of the small, everyday events of life. (2006)

Write an essay explaining the importance of accepting others as they are. (2004)
STAY AWAY FROM FORMULAS!
Five paragraphs – no!

*Generic openings - no!
     - Example of generic openings:
     - I’m going to tell you about a time I helped someone.
     - Why should you help people? I will tell you why.
     - Helping people is important.

* ¾ of 1’s released opened with a superficial statement or question which
restated the prompt


Unrelated topics - no!
The TAKS essay is not a place for you to work out your feelings. Don’t get
so caught up in telling your story that you forget about the prompt. If you
“go off on a tangent” unrelated to the topic, your score will go down.
NOW YOU TRY…
   Write three different leads for the prompt:

    Write an essay about a time when you helped
     someone.


   Be prepared to share!

Ways to start your essay: Dialogue,
Description, Question, Startling
statement or fact, Sounds, Sights,
others?
THE LEAD…
   Choose the one you like the most.

   This will be the lead in for the essay we are
    writing for this lesson.
TIP #2 - STAY FOCUSED
      Pick One Theme
       and Do It Well
EXPLODING THE MOMENT
 Choose ONE specific event and write
  about it in detail.
 Somewhere in your essay, slow down
  time, focus on detail.
 The whole essay can’t be “exploded”

 Pick an IMPORTANT scene and
  EXPLODE it.
 Let’s read an example…Try to pick
  out the moment that is exploded.
“Bet he kisses mushy and wet!” my sister taunted me.
            I twisted around and looked at her, my elbows deep in dishwater.
            “Look—just finish your dinner and be quiet. He does not either.” I didn’t want
to discuss my boyfriend David with my blabbermouth little sister. What did she know
about kissing anyway?
            “Wet mushy kisses—wet mushy kisses—Janie loves David’s wet mushy kisses,”
she sing-songed to herself but clearly intended for my ears.
            I scraped the soap suds off my arms and picked up a quart of milk, shoving it in
her face. “If you don’t hush up and be quiet I’m going to pour this right over your head.”
The quart was nearly full.
            “You wouldn’t dare,” she glowered. “Dad would kill you.”
            “You don’t think so? I would, too. You’re just asking for it.”
            “You’re chicken! You’d never do it,” she said assuredly, her eyes sparkling with
excitement.
            I watched myself begin this horrible deed. My hand suddenly seemed to have a
will of its own. It picked up the milk carton. The spout was already opened. My arm
extended over Abby's head, tipping the carton. The liquid poured in a slow, steady, thick,
unending stream through her long blonde hair, soaking the back of her clothes and
running onto the floor. As the milk reached the floor, I shifted the spout slightly to begin a
long, milky journey down the front of her. It poured over the forehead, in the eyes,
running in rivers down each side of her nose, converging on her chin and splashing into
her plate. Her food was awash as the milk poured over the edge and into her lap. And still
I poured on. It was too late to stop now. The rapture of it all. Oh sweet revenge!
            Abby was shocked into absolute silence, her milk-washed eyes staring at me in
total disbelief – almost uncomprehending. What had I done? I only meant to pour a little to
scare her and now it was all over the place. Her chair was a four-legged island in the
middle of a giant white pond in the kitchen floor. For a second or two she didn’t react and
I had a brief but fleeting prayer that she was stunned speechless. However, not for long.
            “Dadeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee” she screamed at the top of her lungs.
“Bet he kisses mushy and wet!” my sister taunted me.
           I twisted around and looked at her, my elbows deep in dishwater.
           “Look—just finish your dinner and be quiet. He does not either.” I didn’t want to
discuss my boyfriend David with my blabbermouth little sister. What did she know about
kissing anyway?
           “Wet mushy kisses—wet mushy kisses—Janie loves David’s wet mushy kisses,” she
sing-songed to herself but clearly intended for my ears.
           I scraped the soap suds off my arms and picked up a quart of milk, shoving it in
her face. “If you don’t hush up and be quiet I’m going to pour this right over your head.”
The quart was nearly full.
           “You wouldn’t dare,” she glowered. “Dad would kill you.”
           “You don’t think so? I would, too. You’re just asking for it.”
           “You’re chicken! You’d never do it,” she said assuredly, her eyes sparkling with
excitement.
           I watched myself begin this horrible deed. My hand suddenly seemed to have a will
of its own. It picked up the milk carton. The spout was already opened. My arm extended
over Abby's head, tipping the carton. The liquid poured in a slow, steady, thick, unending
stream through her long blonde hair, soaking the back of her clothes and running onto the
floor. As the milk reached the floor, I shifted the spout slightly to begin a long, milky journey
down the front of her. It poured over the forehead, in the eyes, running in rivers down each
side of her nose, converging on her chin and splashing into her plate. Her food was awash as
the milk poured over the edge and into her lap. And still I poured on. It was too late to stop
now. The rapture of it all. Oh sweet revenge!
           Carol was shocked into absolute silence, her milk-washed eyes staring at me in
total disbelief – almost uncomprehending. What had I done? I only meant to pour a little to
scare her and now it was all over the place. Her chair was a four-legged island in the middle
of a giant white pond in the kitchen floor. For a second or two she didn’t react and I had a
brief but fleeting prayer that she was stunned speechless. However, not for long.
           “Dadeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee” she screamed at the top of her lungs.
               WHERE IS THE MOMENT EXPLODED HERE?
“Fatso.”   “Four-eyes.”   “Metal mouth.”     “Giant.”
  Over and over with an intense sound like thunder growing louder were the voices of a class of third graders
at recess chanting around me. The voices were distorted, growing louder and then fainter. I stood in the
middle of them all, while they circled me slowly. When would it stop? On and On and On. The whistle finally
blew and recess had finally come to an end. I fell to my knees in tears while the rest of the class lined up for
class.
  At the early age of nine I learned discrimination comes in different forms and all levels. What makes people
judge others? I have yet to figure it out. But I do know that no matter how young or innocent children may
be, they still have the power to hate and cast it on others.
  The summer before third grade I had just moved to San Antonio from Oklahoma City. I was tall and not
very slim, in fact, I was obese. I had also gotten my braces put on and at the same time the doctor had
realized I needed glasses.
 “Mom, I look like a freak!” I whined as she took me to school for my first day. My mother reassured me it
would be fine, and I would soon like my new school. She said that I just had the “new kid” jitters. As the year
went on, things never seemed to get better. My jitters had been replaced by a sad fear. To the kids the name
calling and constant bullying was just a game, but for me it was torture, a living, breathing nightmare.
  The year slowly came to a close.
  That summer, my dad told me about how the same thing happened to him when he was young. We went on
a diet together and I lost thirty pounds. When the new year came I got to transfer schools and things did start
to change for the better.
  As I got older, I kept my good eating and exercise habits, and at the age of seventeen I weighed less than I
did at nine. My teeth are straight and I have contacts instead of glasses. I’m a lot taller now, but suddenly
people are saying it’s a good thing and I should try to be a model.
  When I hear the quote “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me,” all I can do is
laugh because that is not true. Words are like a sharp sword that can pierce your heart in an instant. To me,
words hurt more than any rock you can throw. Just because you can’t seen an injury, that doesn’t mean it
isn’t there.
NOW YOU TRY IT!
   Write an exploded moment for the essay we are
    slowly building:
•   Write an essay about a time when you helped
    someone.
   Be prepared to share!
AT THIS POINT
 You have an experience and belief (lesson
  learned) written
 A lead in

 An exploded moment
NOW - PLAY WITH THE STRUCTURE!
 Belief in the opening paragraph
 Belief in the middle

 Belief at the end

 Multi genre – belief as a poem

 Dialogue

 Letter

 Email

 Story
EXAMPLES OF MULTI-GENRE TAKS
WRITING

 I will hand out a packet of examples.
 Look through it and decide which one you like
  best
 Why do you like it the best?

 How are these essays concluded?

 THE PACKET IS A CLASS SET – DO NOT
  WRITE ON IT PLEASE!
                       A FINAL THOUGHT…
 Conclusions:
 Try to conclude with a strong statement

 Your belief (lesson learned) can be your
  conclusion
 What happened after the experience?

 How are you different?

 How do you react/act now in comparison to before
  learning the lesson?
                   WRITE YOUR OWN ESSAY
•   Write an essay about a time when you helped
    someone.
 You can be experimental, or not - you are the
  writer and it is your choice.
 Make sure you are confident in your ability to
  write in other genres before you decide to write
  experimentally or not.
 You can write an expressive essay in the
  standard format and earn a score point 4 –
  remember the experience and the belief!
 After you write your essay, we are going to score
  some actual essays from the TAKS test.
FRI 2/24 & MON 2/27
 Obj: Expressive writing, sentence variation
 HW: Rewrite essay, if needed…

 Warm-up:
       Retrieve your Expressive Essay (HW)
YOUR TURN TO GRADE ESSAYS
   I am going to hand out a packet of essays and grading rubrics for the
    prompt:

     Write an essay about a time when you helped someone.



   In groups, read over the “4” portion of the rubric and skim
    the remainder.
   Read the anchor paper packets and discuss how each paper
    was scored
   Read over the Sentence Variation handout
   In groups, read through each essay aloud and decide what it
    scored, using the rubric: a 1, 2, 3, or 4
      Remember! Did the paper have Belief & Experience?
      Give the writer pointers on how to make a better 4
      Skim the sentence variation portion of
RESOURCES FOR GRADING AND IMPROVING
 Grading rubric
 Sentence Variation

 http://goo.gl/cf64D
NEXT WEEK: RESEARCH LOGICAL
FALLACIES
 Divide the fallacies in your groups—have each
  person come up with a brief definition and one
  example for each.
 http://www.nizkor.org/features/fallacies/




   http://goo.gl/1YCxy
RHETORIC IN THE EVERYDAY
1.   Research logical fallacies

2.   Choose a
3.   Print or electronically fill in a Rhetorical
     Analysis Organizer
4.   d
FINAL REMINDERS
   Experience and
    Belief (lesson
    learned)
   Interesting lead in
   Explode a moment
   Play with genre (if
    you are comfortable
    doing so)
   End strongly make a
    connection between
    your
    behavior/expectations
    before the experience
    and after the
    experience.

				
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