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Engagement Powered By Docstoc

  1.5 WEEKS
How would you like to get Engaged?

 Create a dream plan
   Where will it take place?

   Who will be there?

   What will the ring look like?

   How will he ask or she respond?

 Is this Realistic??????????
 What is the Purpose of the Engagement
 Announce to friends and family
 Evaluate your relationship
 To Plan the Wedding
   How long does this take??
   What all is involved??
 To Look for a place to live together
   Apartment?
   House?
   Near her work?
   Near his work?
 To discuss Family planning
   When to have kids?
   How many kids?
 To discuss Finances and blend
   Budget? WORKSHEET
 To discuss Religious Beliefs and blend
            Evaluate your Relationship

 Do I like and respect myself? Do I have pride in my fiance?
 Do I value my individuality? Can we allow our individual
  personalities to grow and accept the ties of married life?
 Can we recognize and understand each others needs and
  emotions while still maintaining our own personalities?
 Can we work through any negative feelings from childhood
  and make our future life together a positive one?
 Can we feel completely secure in the trust we have for each
  other and use this trust as a foundation for our marriage?
 Can we accept each others right to privacy, and yet
  share moments of sorrow, joy, anger and
 Am I able to communicate verbally and
 Can I accept constructive criticism?
 Will we be able to laugh with each other and not at
  each other?
 Am I able to communicate my expectations to my
 Article on DIVORCE
 Thoughts??

 Discuss spending habits before marriage.
 Discuss Credit
 Learn about your partners financial priorities.

 List your financial priorities
                      Career Identity

 Some careers are more demanding than others
 Spouses must accept the demands and lend support
  during times of stress
 Will your career:
    Require a college degree
    Have an irregular schedule
    Involve other people
    Make me feel satisfied

 Will you have a religious wedding ceremony? Or an
  interfaith marriage?
 Do you share the same religion?
 If you share different religions- who’s will you choose
  and why?

 Think of a family tradition or holiday custom.
 Describe that day in detail.
 Find a partner who chose the same holiday or a
  similar time.
 Merge your traditions together making sure to please
  both you and your partner and your families in the
  new tradition or holiday plan.
 Was this easy?
 Would anyone object to the idea of change?

 A couple and their in-laws often become good
   Some couples are not so fortunate
   Wedding planning may reveal that 2 families
    values differ
   Main concern is the wishes of the bride and groom
   Keep a positive attitude towards in-laws
   Think about life long commitment and tolerance
   Consider feelings when children are involved
   Common complaints:
     In-laws are interfering
     Thoughtlessness, or lack of appreciation
  Medical Counseling and Children

 Doctor will determine each partners state of health
 Review any hereditary conditions
 Ask Q’s about contraception

 Will you have kids?
 If so, when will you start and how many will you
                   Case Study

Read the worksheet in small groups and answer the
We will discuss as a class afterwards.

 Your friends will become your spouse’s friends and
  vice versa.
 If the relationships are positive, they can add a great
  variety to your life as well as support
 Marriage will change your availability and
 Discuss friendships that may cause arguments before
  the marriage.

 Verbal
   Basic content

 Nonverbal
   Basic interpersonal attitude, emotion or relationship towards
    the person
                      Types of Nonverbal

   Proximity
     Indicates level of intimacy skin- 18”
     Personal Zone 18-4”
     Social Zone 2-12’
     Public Zone 12’ +

   Eye Contact
       Avoiding eye contact shows disinterest or insincerity.
   Touch
       Signals intimacy, emotional closeness, and sexual interest
   Body Language
       Gestures- different for men and women
                   Gender Differences

 Women                           Men
    Smile more                      Disclose less personal
    Claim less space                 information
    Send clearer messages           Discuss safer topics like
    Are more sensitive               sports or work
    Are more responsive             Use more profanity and
                                      harsh words
    Set the emotional tone of
     the family                      More dominating in
                    Levels of Communication

       Being Completely Honest

           Share Feelings

    Expressing Ideas

  Telling Facts

Making Small Talk
          Roadblocks to Communication

 Placaters- pleaser
 Blamers- acts superior
 Computers- logical, ignores emotion
 Distractors- changes the subject
 Interrupting- breaks into the conversation
 Endless Fighting- brings up the past
 Character assassination- name calling, belittleing
 Calling in reinforcements- involve outsiders
 Withdrawl- leave, silent treatment
 Need to be right- refusal to admit their part in the problem.
                 Good Communication

 Self Disclosure
   Allows for mutual understanding and helps discover who we are
 Trust
   Develops over time
 Feedback
   Acknowledge the others feelings
 I- Messages
   “I feel ____ when _____ because ______”
   Worksheet
   Role play activity
 Active listening
   Respond, clarify, ask questions, etc….
   Activity
            Active Listening Activity

 Pick a partner
 One person talks the other listens but does not
  respond (1 minute)
 Then the other person talks but the partner actively
  listens this time (1 minute)
 Which did you like better?
 Why?
      Engagement Warning Signs

A successful engagement is one that either
confirms the wish to marry or the fact that
marriage would be a mistake. While
breaking an engagement is not easy, it is
far better than entering a lifetime
commitment with serious doubts.
 This marriage may be Hazardous
       to your Happiness!

 Too much Dependency on one person
 Great Differences in Values, Goals, Expectations
 Lack of Family Approval and Support
 Excesses – Drug, Alcohol, etc.
 Abusive Behavior
 Brief Acquaintance
 Frequent Quarrels or Fights
 Guilt or Pressure Motivations to Marry
 Personal History of Frequent Changes (Jobs,
 Friends, Etc)
                  Plan a wedding

 Project!!
 Compete to plan the best wedding for 30,000!
 Movie Maker, Powerpoint, or Posters
 4 groups per class…8 people per group
 Must evaluate your peers daily
 Work hard everyday and contribute
 Be respectful when presenting

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